How to overcome such peculiar psychological issues?

Hi, from what you've said, it seems like you feel like your girlfriend is "imperfect," but at the same time, you feel like you shouldn't feel this way, which makes you feel really self-blame and conflicted.

It's important to understand that when two people first start a relationship, they often have a lot of expectations for the other person. They imagine that the other person is almost perfect and can meet all of their needs. They also expect the other person to take care of them and meet their needs in a comprehensive and meticulous manner. There's nothing wrong with these expectations. They're all stages that everyone goes through during their growth process. However, if two people are going to be in a long-term relationship, they need to let go of these expectations.

You said your girlfriend has acne, and you think she's not as pretty as she used to be. This means she can't attract a lot of attention from you. If your girlfriend is very beautiful, your masculine feelings can gain a lot of affirmation. But you need to see this part because you're not very capable of gaining this sense of certainty on your own.

You also said that your girlfriend has thyroiditis and needs to take medication for the rest of her life. You can't accept this if you get married. It seems like you can't accept her, but you also can't give her up. Are you worried about how the medication will affect fertility? Do you think that if you give her up, you'll be blamed by others? Or do you feel that your parents will dislike her?

...Of course, these are just some of my assumptions. You really need to take a closer look at these subtle feelings and figure out what your true feelings are behind your so-called "self-blame."

People meet and get together because they have similarities deep down. It seems like you don't love her as much as you should, but you feel like you "have to" be with her or "can't bear" to leave her. So, what is the connection between you and your girlfriend?

It might also be helpful to look back.

All the best,

Zhu Rong, Psychological Counselor, Liu Mi

Dear questioner, I am writing in response to your query.

From your description, it seems that you always attribute everything to yourself, thinking that it is your own fault that certain things happen. This is an introverted way of attributing things, always thinking that it is your own fault. However, it is important to understand that nothing can be anyone's fault. If your girlfriend gets acne, it is a problem with her physical condition, not your problem. Similarly, the decision to get married is a personal one, dependent on one's own inner choice.

The majority of individuals who habitually deny themselves have a positive subconscious mind, evidenced by the desire to become better. This suggests that the questioner may exhibit tendencies towards perfectionism. The psychologist Carl Jung posited the following famous quote: "God created man, and man wants to be God."

In other words, the notion that God is omnipotent and perfect, and that He created mankind, has led to the aspiration among humans to become omnipotent gods and to achieve perfection in all things.

However, as human beings, we should not emulate the actions of deities, but rather adopt a humanistic approach. This is what it means to be human.

[1] Enhance your self-awareness. Some occurrences are not a result of your actions. Despite your perception, they are not a reflection of your character. For instance, the presence of acne on your girlfriend is not a direct consequence of your actions.

One must employ rational analysis and consider the perspectives of others to ascertain whether an issue is truly pertinent to oneself.

[2] There are three categories of matters in the world: (1) one's own affairs, (2) other individuals' affairs, and (3) matters pertaining to the divine. One should endeavor to fulfill one's own obligations and provide assistance to others in accordance with this distinction.

It is imperative to recognize that not everyone in this world is inherently successful. The degree of success one attains is contingent upon the manner in which one solves problems and acknowledges one's imperfections. It is crucial to acknowledge that one is a human being, not a deity.

It is important to recognize that there are many things in life that we are not capable of doing well. By acknowledging this, we can develop a sense of authenticity and resilience, allowing us to focus our energy on the things that we can control, rather than dwelling on the things that are beyond our reach. There are some circumstances that are beyond our control, such as a loved one's illness.

[3] It is advisable to follow your own introverted choice. If you are unable to accept your girlfriend's illness at this time, it would be prudent to consider letting go as soon as possible, parting ways amicably, and following your heart. It is important to recognize that everyone has their own choices, and this is an essential aspect of taking responsibility for your own life. If you are willing and do not mind your girlfriend's illness, and believe you can be responsible for her life, then it may be beneficial to pursue this path.

In the world, there are two types of things: those that can be changed and those that cannot.

One should endeavor to alter the elements of one's life that can be modified and to accept those that cannot be changed. It is essential to utilize one's discernment to integrate these two aspects in a manner that facilitates a fulfilling existence.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.

You place a high value on the opinions and feelings of others and possess a strong moral compass. You may also demonstrate remarkable empathy and understanding for others, allowing your emotions to surface when interacting with others or your romantic partner.

Your current situation exemplifies the recurring issues that have arisen, both before and after. These include an excessive level of involvement in other people's affairs and a pessimistic and sentimental outlook, which has led to you assuming the role of a rescuer who is unable to save people.

Your self-blame may be due to your assumption of the role of a "savior," which has prevented you from extricating yourself from the situation. You can only face the outside world in this way. If you did not love her so much or if you could not accept your girlfriend's illness, it may make you question your qualifications or competence as a "savior."

This issue can be traced back to the roles played by individuals within the family unit. What roles are being assumed? Are others assuming the roles of victim and perpetrator? Are you accustomed to adopting the role of a savior?

Due to the high likelihood of intense self-blame and guilt, there is a greater propensity to sacrifice oneself for others and suppress one's true thoughts. It is therefore recommended that the necessary psychological tests for wounds from one's original family be taken to understand future progress in family relationships.

Please reduce your self-judgment and try to enjoy the present as much as possible. Do not view this as a burden or responsibility. Life is meant to be experienced, not completed as a task. You do not want to leave any regrets, and you do not want to be sad every day. I recommend that you seek psychological counseling and discuss the matter further. I wish you well.

Please advise.