How to reconcile with one's original family? Actually, I have tried many methods, but none have been successful.

Hello. Thank you for your awakening. It seems you feel your mother is being too subjective.

This isn't heartfelt reconciliation. I believe the first step is reconciling with oneself. My experiences from youth can only be described as influence, and they're in the past. I've grown slowly, and self-growth is important.

When I was young, I looked for help when I was in trouble. As I grew up, I realized I could help myself and others.

I don't know why there is a sun in the sky, but I know there is a sun in the sky. I can also be another sun, lighting up people's hearts and melting ice in their hearts. With this belief, after a few years, I have basically achieved this.

Many of my friends will tell me about their troubles. I encourage them to gain strength.

I always tell my friends: "Believe in yourself. You can do anything. Don't give up."

"The thing that makes me happiest is when people tell me that whenever they encounter setbacks, they read my letters and feel stronger. They find solutions to their problems and gain new abilities. They try to help others, and gradually become more confident. It can be said that everyone around me is influenced by me.

Everyone can be influenced and can influence others. It's just a matter of willpower. The stronger willpower wins.

I learned to be strong. This has had a big impact on my life. Everyone benefits.

I am not a medical professional or educator. I am simply an ordinary individual who has successfully reconciled with my family of origin. I believe my response may provide some encouragement and assistance.

Like your family, I was raised in an environment where physical punishment was a common practice. My mother often made comparisons between my academic performance and that of other children. As I grew older, these comparisons extended to my college entrance exam scores, professional achievements, and even my marriage.

My mother once observed, with evident disdain, that the child of another family was the mistress of a different man and had acquired a house and a car. She then proceeded to deride the individual in our own village, whom she described as "lazy," noting that he was more diligent than she was in maintaining his personal space.

At that juncture, I was acutely aware of my inferiority to Xiao San and Er Shao Po.

However, upon becoming a parent myself, I realized that my own experiences had influenced my parenting style. I began to scold my child in a similar manner, perceiving her inability to perform basic mathematical operations as indicative of her lack of intelligence. In retrospect, I recognize that I was not as intellectually challenged during my own childhood.

I verbally berated her and physically assaulted her until she was in a state of distress and confusion, and I experienced a sense of catharsis. It is important to note that I was already battling cancer at the time, which further exacerbated my emotional state.

At that time, however, I was also aware that my parents did indeed love me, but that they lacked the requisite knowledge to express that love in an effective manner. I love my child and would gladly sacrifice my own life for her, yet I am unable to control my emotions and direct them towards those who are most vulnerable.

Similarly, my parents would have been willing to sacrifice their own lives for me, yet they lacked the knowledge to provide the love and guidance that a child requires.

I am now in a position to convey the steps that facilitate healing.

1. It is imperative to maintain the conviction that one's parents hold immense affection for them. This assertion is irrefutable. Despite the potential for parental suppression, it is evident that they are prepared to offer their children the utmost, even at the expense of their own lives.

2. It is important to recognize that your parents' criticism may be rooted in their own shortcomings in your upbringing. Their words may not be a reflection of justified criticism, but rather an expression of their own dissatisfaction with reality and a pursuit of emotional satisfaction.

3. It is necessary to rebuild one's self-image. One has been living in the past, living in accordance with the expectations of others.

If they say you cannot do it, you will feel as though you are unable to do it. Secondly, as previously stated, their evaluation may be erroneous, so why do you still heed it?

It is imperative to establish one's own standards of evaluation and determine the desired physical appearance, rather than attempting to conform to the expectations of others.

4. Practice is a crucial element in the process of achieving one's desired outcome. It is essential to work towards the way in which one wants to be.

It is of the utmost importance to disregard the opinions of others. It is crucial to recognize that their comments may be erroneous.

5. It is this author's belief that success will result from one's own efforts, and that it may be significant or modest, early or late. It will bring happiness to have achieved one's own self-defined sense of self.

Furthermore, there will be unanticipated benefits, and one's parents will also alter their perception of these changes. As an example, my parents have ceased to reprimand me, and now believe I can accomplish new goals. It is noteworthy that such a transformation in parental attitudes is uncommon.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial.

Greetings, question asker. I am the individual responsible for providing responses, identified here as "Silverfox."

From your writing, it is evident that you are experiencing a significant degree of pressure, a strong sense of being controlled, and disapproval. I can discern your expression, observe your dedication and hard work, and perceive your resistance.

From your writing, I discern a pervasive sense of pressure, a compelling notion of being controlled, and a discernible disapproval. I perceive your expression, witness your dedication and assiduous efforts, and discern your resistance.

From your writing, I discern a plethora of strong emotions, including a profound sense of love. With regard to the questions you have posed, I believe we can initially address them, and I will also present my own thoughts in the hope of offering you a different perspective.

Let us first examine our experiences.

What have we experienced?

In this context, it is evident that the actions of parents, particularly mothers, often result in feelings of being undermined and invalidated. Additionally, the feelings of alienation and isolation experienced by individuals in this situation are also worth noting. To gain a clearer understanding of these issues, it may be helpful to organize the information in a systematic manner, such as through itemization.

1. A lack of encouragement was experienced, and a sense of living in the shadow of "other people's children" was pervasive.

2. All efforts will be perceived as a reason for denial.

3. A longing for support is met with rejection and suppression.

4. Despite employing a multitude of techniques, success has remained elusive.

Let us consider the underlying factors.

It can be argued that there is a hidden message behind every event and every emotion. It is possible that some of these feelings are ones that have been avoided, but their existence indicates that they are meaningful. In order to gain a deeper understanding of the situation that has just been described, it is necessary to examine what is really going on behind the scenes.

1. The individual in question never received encouragement, and was always living in the shadow of "other people's children." Here, we can see the invisible pressure from "other people's children." It seems that there is always such an existence that cannot be surpassed, and even if one surpasses it, there are countless others.

Concurrently, we must also endure the mistreatment of our parents, which impedes our ability to experience warmth and support. While such a situation may be perceived as motivation by parents, it is a significant burden for us.

2. All efforts will become a reason for rejection. In the daily disparagement of our parents, we are unable to find sufficient support, which inevitably leads to the development of a strong resistance in this situation.

As previously stated, individuals with a penchant for reading tend to possess a diverse array of interests. In contrast, the subject in question engages in leisure reading while remaining idle at home, effectively avoiding the completion of their primary responsibilities. This behavior exemplifies a discernible double standard, which is likely attributable to the individual's level of consciousness. It is, therefore, a quality that may not be readily amenable to alteration.

3. The questioner desired support but instead received rejection and suppression. It can be inferred from her recent experience that she must have felt the pressure of the exam before seeking support from those around her. It is also possible that her mother's influence was a factor in her decision to seek her encouragement.

Thus, when one decides to seek support from one's mother, has one already formed an expectation of being disappointed? Does one's mother's reaction align with this expectation?

4. Despite employing a multitude of strategies, the desired outcome has not been achieved. In this instance, the individual has opted for "reconciliation" over "escape" and has made some efforts. It would appear that a considerable amount of effort has been expended on this family.

It may be beneficial to consider the following questions: What role do we play in the functioning of the family unit? Have we ever contemplated modifying our parents' behavior?

What can be done to address this issue?

First and foremost, it is my hope to find the time to engage in a meaningful dialogue with myself. If circumstances permit, I would like to create a private space and a secure environment in which to gain insight into my self-perception and the experiences that have shaped me.

It seems reasonable to posit that our experiences and efforts over the years of growing up must have had an effect. Perhaps we can have a serious conversation with ourselves about how things happened.

What efforts have been made thus far? In what direction do we wish to see things develop?

To whom do we wish to apply the changes we are striving for?

Subsequently, we will investigate potential avenues for achieving the objective of moving on in a relatively straightforward manner.

1. Remove all the negative labels that parents have applied to you.

In your description, it is evident that your parents have assigned you a multitude of negative labels, including "stupid," "silly," and "not doing your job properly." These labels, which are often self-deprecating, convey a pervasive negation.

If one is subjected to a constant barrage of negative labels, it becomes all too easy to internalize these attacks and to abandon any hope of improvement. It may therefore be necessary for the individual to take the initiative to remove these negative labels from their own self-perception.

2. Accept and comprehend their actions.

It is this author's belief that no parent does not love their child. However, it is possible that they have never learned how to love their child (and perhaps they never will). They engage in behaviors that are detrimental to the child's development, they disregard the child's feelings and needs, and they foster a strong desire in the child to rebel.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of detachment and even animosity towards one's parents' demeanor. It may not be feasible to persuade our parents or alter their perspective to better comprehend our perspective.

However, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and personal responsibility. It is important to recognize that external factors often limit our ability to influence others. Ultimately, personal transformation and change originate from within.

Perhaps the sole viable option is to view our parents' words and actions through a different lens, eschewing the notion that they are indifferent and transforming resistance into motivation. Undoubtedly, this is a challenging undertaking for those who have been subjected to such circumstances for an extended period. However, adversity can potentially serve as a catalyst for growth.

3. Prioritizing one's actions can facilitate a more straightforward and manageable lifestyle.

Furthermore, individuals may desire to prove themselves to others, particularly given that their parents often encourage them to perform well. In life, everyone seeks to feel valued and, more specifically, to receive care and attention from their parents, which can provide a sense of security and dependence.

However, this is often not feasible, as parents tend to hold negative perceptions of their children, often perceiving them as inadequate and inferior to others. In such cases, it is crucial to identify strategies for coping with these challenges.

It is important to focus on one's own merits and achievements.

It is beneficial to interact with individuals who exude confidence.

It is important to maintain a sense of pride.

It is important to understand one's strengths and limitations in order to optimize one's potential and avoid pitfalls.

It is advisable to establish realistic objectives for oneself.

4. The reordering of familial priorities may result in a reduction of the perceived weight of life's burdens.

It is notable that throughout the course of this discussion, the original poster never mentioned the father. This may be due to the fact that the father's role within the family dynamic appears to be somewhat ambiguous. In a traditional family structure, parents are expected to maintain their parental status, while children are expected to remain in their child role.

Nevertheless, in life, for various reasons, some children will exceed the boundaries of their role and assume the responsibilities and roles typically associated with their parents. When this occurs, it is common for individuals to neglect to acknowledge their emotional experiences. This is when we realize that we may have already developed an identity relationship with our parents that is incongruent with traditional roles (i.e., the child has assumed the role of the parent, or has replaced the role of one of the parents).

In the absence of a clear rationale, the emotional sentiments associated with a dysfunctional relationship are nevertheless objectively valid. If both parties fail to disengage, the emotional burden will inevitably intensify. It may be necessary to acknowledge that each individual has their own life, and that assuming responsibility for another person's actions is neither feasible nor desirable.

One can only be truly responsible for one's own life, and others are responsible for their own joys and sorrows. The optimal course of action is to do one's best, be content, and go with the flow.

When such a boundary is established, even if parental behavior remains largely unchanged, the individual may perceive an increase in their ability to navigate their environment with greater ease. It is possible that by relieving oneself of the onerous burden and discarding the misguided sense of obligation, the experience of life as a relentless pursuit can be transformed into a more serene and contemplative journey.

5. It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a qualified professional.

When confronted with issues stemming from familial relationships, it is often beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional psychological counselor. By employing a systematic and structured approach, it may be possible to facilitate a more expedient resolution to these challenges.

PS: 1xinyi will also periodically conduct public welfare counseling initiatives to alleviate internal emotions and reduce stress through counseling.

In response to the challenges posed by family and academic demands, individuals may resort to various coping mechanisms, including complaining, confrontation, or seeking alternative means of resolution. Here, one can find a supportive community of enthusiastic and kind individuals, as well as a cadre of professional listeners and counselors, who are equipped to provide guidance and assistance.

Following this series of explorations, you may have identified solutions that are personally meaningful to you.

It is my hope that these insights will prove beneficial to those navigating challenging circumstances.

It is my hope that these insights will prove beneficial to those navigating challenging circumstances.

I hope that all goes well for you and that you continue to improve.

I extend my affection to the world and to all of you.

Good evening! I'll give you a 360-degree hug!

From your simple question, it's clear that you've made a lot of efforts to reconcile with your mother. It seems like she hasn't changed much, but you've made a great start! This might make you feel a bit powerless, but it's important to remember that you have the choice to either reconcile or escape.

What should you do? Well, you still have another option, which is not to reconcile with your family of origin.

But you absolutely have to reconcile with yourself!

Let's dive right in and talk about this one by one! First, let's talk about not reconciling with your family of origin.

You believe that reconciliation with your family of origin is essential. This is different from running away.

But why not? Not reconciling is also a way of reconciling!

As you said, your mother is too subjective. As an adult, your mother is unlikely to change, whether it's her subjectivity or her suppression of you. In fact, she will also change her opinion of you, but the prerequisite is that you are good enough and have achieved good results, for example, an annual salary of one million, successful entrepreneurship, a promotion and a pay rise, etc.

In other words, you have a crushing advantage over her, and she may change her mind about you, but there is no guarantee. However, from your question, you are probably not very old, and you may not have achieved much either. After all, age is there for you to see. But here's the thing: you have so much potential! You can achieve whatever you set your mind to. And you're young, so you have plenty of time to do it. So don't worry about your mother. She'll come around.

This has nothing to do with your abilities. Sometimes success has a lot to do with age, which is great because you're still young and have plenty of time to achieve great things!

This might take a little while to get your head around, but it'll be worth it! You probably need to accept that your mother isn't going to change. She's a force majeure, so just let her be. You've got so much more to explore!

You don't have to reconcile with your family of origin. After all, your mother did hurt you, but you can choose to move forward and create a new, positive family dynamic!

This hatred or resentment can also become our driving force! For example, after someone's loved ones have been hurt, they are obsessed with seeking revenge for their loved ones and make this their only goal in life.

But if he really achieves his goal, he will lose the meaning of life. This metaphor may be a bit inappropriate, but it's still a great example!

For you, you can try to see your mother's suppression as your driving force to move forward!

What's more important for you is to reconcile with yourself!

You need to accept that you had a bad family, that your mother did not bring you emotional value, etc. You can regard these as NPCs on your life journey, like those system characters in games that cannot be changed, and are therefore force majeure.

Embrace your destiny! Once you accept your fate, you can start to become the amazing person you were always meant to be.

Just as if you've been dealt a bad hand, you can turn it into a winning hand! Don't complain about the bad cards, see how you can turn it into a winning hand!

I highly recommend the books "Reconciliation with Oneself" and "Inner Healing"!

I am a psychological counselor who is often depressed and sometimes optimistic, who absolutely loves the world and loves you!

Hello, question asker. I'm Whale Social Worker Chubby Little Fairy, and I'm here to help.

From the questioner's question, I can see the questioner's difficulty and pain. I hug the questioner and give them the comfort and advice they need.

We don't have to reconcile with our family of origin. They have done so many things to hurt us, so there's no reason for us to reconcile or avoid the issue. For example, a while ago, there was a craze on the internet about reconciling with one's natural face, but there's no reason for us to reconcile. We should find a way to make our natural face more beautiful.

It's like our acne problem. We don't have to accept it. We can find a way to get rid of it.

We must rebel against our own mothers and make him realize how double-standard his way of education is and how it makes us feel uncomfortable and painful. We have earned our self-confidence, and he has recklessly undermined it. We must let him know how bad this approach is, where his mistakes lie, and not reconcile or avoid the issue. We must resolve this problem, otherwise it will always be a thorn in our hearts.

Best wishes, Yixinli Whale Social Worker