How to regain oneself when affected by others' emotions?

Dear Landlord, I hope my response is of some assistance to you.

Being susceptible to the influence of others' negative moods indicates an excessive level of involvement in others' emotions, which can be attributed to our remarkable capacity for empathy. It is essential to implement necessary adjustments.

I recently came across an article that provided insights on measuring empathy levels. I have compiled the key takeaways and am sharing them with you.

1. Accept this quality of yours.

Empathy is linked to the growth of our brain and nervous system. For instance, research has shown that individuals with active mirror neurons tend to be more empathetic. Additionally, empathy is influenced by our experiences, awareness, and other factors.

Whether it is innate or acquired, it is a unique characteristic of yours.

If it is a personality trait, it has both a negative and a positive side. It is therefore important to identify the advantages it offers.

In general, individuals with high empathy tend to be kinder, possess superior interpersonal skills, are more likely to assume leadership roles, and are better at navigating various interpersonal relationships. Therefore, it is advisable to leverage this quality consciously to your advantage, as it will offset any potential challenges it may present.

There are three key strategies for establishing clear boundaries.

The issue of being overly empathetic can be addressed by establishing clear boundaries. When there is a lack of distinction between one's own thoughts and emotions and those of others, it can lead to a tendency to become overly involved in other people's emotions and thoughts.

It is therefore possible to maintain boundaries in order to prevent an excessive degree of empathy, including both physical and psychological boundaries.

(1) Maintain physical boundaries.

Should you feel that you are on the verge of becoming excessively empathetic once more, you may wish to allow your body to disengage from the situation for a brief period. To illustrate, should a colleague be expressing a multitude of grievances to you, you may choose to excuse yourself from the conversation.

Should you feel as though you are on the verge of losing control, you may wish to take a brief leave of absence, inform a colleague that you are going to the restroom, or agree with a colleague on a time to conclude the discussion: "Let's take a break and eat something delicious in ten minutes, okay?"

Leaving the environment can facilitate a physical separation that allows for the separation of thoughts and emotions, preventing the continued focus on the issue and the subsequent inability to move on.

If you are not in direct contact with the client, for instance if you are speaking on the phone, chatting on WeChat, or reading online information, then moving your body slightly or smiling gently can help you to reinforce your sense of bodily boundaries.

In the context of counseling, it is clear that empathy is a key attribute for counselors. They require a strong sense of empathy to assist their clients in problem-solving.

Counselors employ a variety of techniques to prevent themselves from becoming too emotionally involved in their clients' issues. One such method is the following: at the conclusion of a counseling session, counselors stand up, close their eyes, and take a few moments to clear their minds. They then open their eyes, jump a few times in place, shake their arms and legs, and shake their whole body.

These movements assist counselors in releasing the contents of the counseling room from their bodies, allowing them to disassociate the professional and personal aspects of their lives.

You may have identified alternative techniques, such as washing your face or going outside for some fresh air. It is beneficial to focus on the methods that are most effective for you.

(2) Maintain your psychological boundaries.

Empathy can be conceptualized as having three dimensions. Psychologist Daniel Goleman identifies these as cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and empathic concern.

Cognitive empathy refers to the ability to comprehend the other person's thought process. Emotional empathy, on the other hand, entails empathizing with their emotional state.

Empathic attention is defined as a genuine concern for the well-being of the other person.

Regardless of the direction the conversation takes, there is a risk of going beyond the boundaries of your role. For example, a colleague may approach you to discuss their stress levels, feelings of being targeted by their boss, recent personal events, and heightened anxiety. In this scenario, it is important to maintain a professional distance and focus on the issue at hand.

It is important to ensure that you are listening from your perspective and offering help within your abilities, and to avoid being carried away by the other person's position.

One particularly useful method is called feedback listening. This involves demonstrating that you are actively listening by repeating what the other person has said.

As an example, you could say, "You are experiencing a great deal of stress."

It is important to be mindful of the potential for unintentionally directing the conversation towards oneself. This could occur, for instance, through the mention of personal experiences or an active focus on problem-solving as if one were the other person. Such actions can lead to a deeper level of involvement.

This brings us to the third perspective on setting boundaries.

(3) Transform empathy into compassion.

Psychologists advise that individuals should train themselves to withdraw into a state of empathy without becoming overly invested in personal emotions. This may appear detached, but it is an effective method for self-protection.

It is possible to observe the situation from another perspective and then offer kind pity or sympathy without leaving your own perspective and immediately adopting another person's perspective. It is not necessary to take on the burdens of others.

It is important to note that these methods should only be used when necessary. The ability to use empathy appropriately is a skill that should be developed and maintained.

It is important to release and vent emotions in a timely manner.

It is not advisable to suppress emotions as they will inevitably manifest in a more intense and disruptive manner when released.

When emotions arise, become aware of them and ask yourself why you are angry. What needs are not being met?

Through continuous awareness and summary, you may identify the root cause of your anger. Once you have identified your core problem, you can then work to find a solution, which will have a positive impact on your mood.

There are several other methods for releasing emotions.

It is important to socialize with the appropriate individuals and discuss your concerns and confusion. As previously stated, the appropriate individuals are those who can provide support and encouragement and with whom you feel comfortable.

It is recommended that you engage in physical activity at a gym or similar facility. This can be an effective way to relax and unwind while also maintaining or improving your physical fitness.

Use writing therapy to express all your feelings and thoughts on paper. There is no need to concern yourself with the neatness or logic of your handwriting; simply express yourself as much as you wish.

One may choose to release anger by punching a pillow or sandbag, which provides a safe and controlled way to vent negative emotions.

The empty chair technique can be used to release emotions. Place an empty chair in the room, assume that the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair, and then express yourself to the chair (anger, abuse are fine).

If you are not inclined to exercise or read, then select an alternative method of emotional release that is more appealing to you. There is no single optimal approach; the one that suits you is the best. I believe that as long as you develop the habit of releasing emotions, your sense of well-being will improve, and life will become more comfortable. Of course, this requires a long time to adjust and practice, so take your time, allow yourself a process of growth, and give it a try.