I always have to work really hard to barely maintain a relationship with my boyfriend. What should I do?

Hello, dear questioner!

From what you've said, it seems like the root of the problem might be with your boyfriend.

I'm really worried about your boyfriend. I think there's something wrong with his mental state.

1. It's totally normal to be sensitive to changes in your environment and to notice little details in your life that make you wonder if you feel the same way about him as you did before.

This is a sign that you might not feel totally secure in the relationship, and that you're feeling a bit anxious about losing your partner. It's totally normal to feel this way! When little things happen that make you think the relationship is ending, it can be hard to see the positive side. It's okay to feel down about it, but try to remember that your feelings are valid.

If the situation gets really serious and affects how you think and feel, it might develop into a delusional disorder.

2. It's also worth noting that this person may have some low self-esteem and a tendency to avoid responsibility.

Because of his low self-esteem, he's worried that he can't keep the relationship going, which makes him feel insecure. At the same time, he feels like he can't change things and make things better, which makes him want to run away from the problem and avoid taking responsibility. So, even though he's found out that it's your mistake, he still wants you to say sorry and make things better.

This situation could mean that there are some issues in the relationship. If it develops into something more serious, there might be a tendency to develop towards borderline personality disorder.

In a nutshell, the issue the questioner is facing is rooted in the other person's cognitive bias. If not approached with care, the other person might retreat into an autistic state of refusing to communicate.

From his own perspective, he needs to correct his perception and rebuild his mentality, but this is not something the questioner can urge him to do. We can't make him do those things, and we can't make him see things our way. All we can do is be there for him and support him in his journey.

So, the best advice for you in this situation is to do the opposite. When he doubts your feelings and falls into a state of self-isolation, don't communicate with him first. Let him doubt himself in his state of self-isolation for a while. Once his mind is shaken, it will be much more effective to try to communicate normally.

Ultimately, whether the relationship improves depends on whether the other person will change. I also hope that the questioner takes care of themselves. I wish you well in your relationship!

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about a matter that requires your attention. Kindly let me know if this is an appropriate time to contact you. Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name]

It appears that your partner is highly sensitive and suspicious, which requires significant effort on your part to maintain the relationship. This has led to feelings of exhaustion.

I appreciate that this is a challenging situation.

I am curious to know how you initially met and began your relationship. When did this occur, and what prompted the change in his behavior?

This has resulted in a collapse of his trust in you and a questioning of his love for you.

From your description, it appears that you are someone who is highly insecure and that being with him

Furthermore, your actions are driven by a need to accommodate his emotions and needs, which has led to a loss of your own identity.

If the two parties involved do not have an equal footing and perspective, it is unclear how long this relationship can last.

From my perspective, you are a perceptive individual with a keen understanding of your emotions and concerns. It is evident that you are anxious about the possibility of your partner leaving.

This is why you are so nervous and require careful attention and management of the relationship. It is precisely because you care too much that

It is probable that you were subjected to excessive control by the other party, which has resulted in your current passive and helpless demeanor.

I will present your confusion in two ways to assist you in analyzing it.

Firstly, if he no longer holds the same level of affection for you as he once did, it is merely a case of wishful thinking. Are you prepared to accept this as a cold, hard fact?

Furthermore, should you continue to maintain a relationship with him?

His sensitivity, suspicion, and intolerance of you indicate that he is unable to control his emotions. He needs to remove himself from the situation to protect you from his actions.

To safeguard you from any potential accusations or attacks.

Secondly, in the event that the interactions between the two parties demonstrate an attachment pattern, how would you propose to deal with it?

I am unaware of your character traits, upbringing, and interpersonal skills.

In general, individuals who have experienced foster care during their early years, specifically between the ages of 0 and 3, and who were placed in the care of their grandparents, often develop attachment patterns that are less secure.

If the individual was a left-behind child, they may develop an insecure attachment pattern. This can manifest in adulthood when forming romantic relationships.

This is due to separation trauma caused by being passively "abandoned" by one's parents at an early age. In adulthood,

When a couple breaks up and one person leaves, the trauma of an earlier separation can be easily reactivated, resulting in significant fear of the other person leaving.

Furthermore, I would like to make an assumption.

This heightened sensitivity towards your partner and the tendency to view the relationship through a lens of mistrust, does it also demonstrate a lack of

Could this be a result of a lack of confidence in him?

This phenomenon is referred to as projection.

The boyfriend's over-sensitive suspicion of you may actually reflect your own concerns about him.

Your concern about his potential departure has led you to assume the role he requires in order to meet his needs.

Have you ever considered the following:

To what extent is the current passive situation a result of your own actions or inactions?

Your careful precautions and meticulous attention to detail are precisely what cause him to feel

You have been accused of being "up to no good."

It is unclear why a perfectly fine person would bear the burden of the relationship, ignore their own feelings and needs, and maintain the relationship.

As a result, you have become complicit in the situation.

What is the best way to resolve this issue?

The initial step is to consider the following:

If two individuals are in a romantic relationship, it is based on equality, independence, and sharing, rather than one person's dependence on the other.

The issue at hand is one of dependence.

If your excessive worry and suspicion of your boyfriend were expressed in a symbolic language, it would be akin to a "baby."

The individual in question is attempting to satisfy the expectations of their mother, and is concerned that she may withdraw her support.

This is the fundamental issue in any relationship.

The male partner may feel a sense of being controlled by the relationship and may question whether he can simply disengage.

In the event that trust is lost between partners, the value and meaning of the relationship are called into question.

If both parties are overly sensitive and suspicious, this can lead to defensive and guarded behavior when interacting with each other.

The question thus arises as to whether such a love can indeed last.

Love is based on the foundation of each other's independent personalities, and requires a protected and respected distance.

It is essential to safeguard each other's privacy and ensure that each individual is able to exercise their freedom.

If you are not at peace in your old age,

You will be accompanied by the full moon and blooming flowers.

This is Counselor Yao, continuing to support and care for you.

Good day, my name is Susan.

After reading your description, I am compelled to offer my support and encouragement. It is imperative that you recognize your efforts and acknowledge that you have done more than your fair share. You have demonstrated remarkable resilience and commitment in this intimate relationship. You are a valuable individual, and you deserve to be loved and appreciated.

At this juncture, a phrase also came to mind: "You may have fallen in love with the person who loves themselves the most." This is reflected in the following ways:

The subject reports feelings of vulnerability and apprehension in the relationship, anticipating potential criticism or disregard in the event of missteps.

You have already begun to prioritize the other person's needs over your own, and at any time, you will choose to satisfy and accommodate the other person first.

Despite the depth of the subject's feelings for the object of his affection, the latter nevertheless fails to reciprocate these sentiments.

He is disinclined to assume the role of problem-solver, thereby necessitating that you assume a passive role in the process.

He fails to recall your positive actions, focusing instead on your mistakes.

"He consistently identifies inadvertent actions as evidence of insufficient love. He has never demonstrated trust in my feelings for him."

It is evident that you are experiencing considerable distress, apprehension, and ambivalence in this intimate relationship. It appears that he has exerted undue influence over you, leading you to engage in self-critical behaviors and perceive yourself as worthless. Your thoughts are dominated by a sense of having done something wrong, which has intensified your feelings of helplessness and struggle.

It must be acknowledged, however, that an individual who genuinely cares for another will not, without just cause and without differentiating between right and wrong, inflict repeated harm upon them. Furthermore, they will not accuse or belittle them, thereby causing the individual to doubt and deny themselves more and more. It is my hope that we can, together,

It is important to develop the ability to disregard the impact of negative verbal abuse, such as hurtful words, blame, and belittlement. Engaging in positive self-talk, affirming one's own worthiness and resilience, is a crucial step in this process. It is essential not to allow the words and actions of one's partner to negatively affect one's self-perception and self-esteem.

It is imperative to cultivate self-awareness and assertiveness. It is essential to ascertain one's own desires and communicate them clearly to the other party. It is also crucial to identify the types of verbal and behavioral cues that may potentially impact the relationship negatively and to determine what constitutes unacceptable harm. When necessary, one must be willing to consider the option of ending the relationship to minimize further distress.

It is advisable to communicate with others. It is beneficial to share and discuss one's feelings and changes in the relationship with individuals who can provide trustworthy counsel, in order to ascertain whether the relationship is still a viable option.

It is important to learn to give oneself time and space to be alone. It is also crucial to prioritize one's own needs over those of one's partner, particularly in situations where one may feel as though they are losing themselves in their partner's needs all day long.

Life presents individuals with challenging circumstances that prompt them to recognize the present situation and gain self-awareness.

Good morning, good afternoon, and good night.

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You say that you love him very much and that you will always love him. Since the love is still so deep, of course it will not end only with separation. Many people don't understand that love is not just a feeling. It's so important to remember that a truly long-lasting, harmonious, and stable love needs to be managed and nurtured. In particular, when conflicts and disputes arise in an intimate relationship, it is also a time for us to grow.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling pretty frustrated in this relationship. It seems like you always put him first, but you don't always get the response you're hoping for. When things don't go as planned, it can be really scary. It seems like you feel like you're responsible for making sure everything goes well. So, you're always being really careful, but it can also make you feel really scared. But you're also afraid of losing him because you really love him, right?

Don't worry! You've already come so far together and you love him so much. As long as you're willing to keep going, you can absolutely enjoy the rewards of a happy, stable relationship. But we do need to put in the work. This doesn't mean sacrificing yourself to please the other person. If you do that, you'll end up feeling tired and the relationship won't last. What we need to do is learn to be true to ourselves in the relationship while also seeing the real other person. We need to see both our own deep needs and the other person's deep needs. We need to understand our own actions and worries, as well as understand the other person's actions and fears. Only by doing this can you have a deeper connection and won't quarrel or even break up because of some superficial actions.

I really feel for you, and I'd love to offer you some advice.

It's so important to be able to see each other's true needs and deep desires.

You said, "He still always seizes on some of my unintentional actions and labels them as a sign that I don't love him. It's so sad! He has never trusted my feelings for him. When he doubts me and is convinced that I don't care about him, he becomes even more passive and unwilling to communicate actively or solve problems actively. He just completely wallows in self-pity, shutting himself off and passively waiting.

From what you've told me, it seems like he might be feeling a bit insecure in the relationship. It's possible that he'll label you as not loving him because of some unintentional actions on your part. It's understandable that he's worried you don't love him and don't care about him, given that he's feeling insecure. It's natural for us all to want to feel loved, trusted, and secure.

If you can give him a sense of certainty and reassure him that you love him, that you could never stop loving him, and that you are there for him when he feels insecure, I think he will feel more and more secure in the relationship and his behavior will change.

You also mentioned that you not only suffer from groundless suspicion, but also the anxiety and fear of losing him forever during his periods of self-withdrawal. It seems like you always give in, compromise, and apologize, and you feel full of fear, as if you were going to lose him and the relationship was beyond repair. I can see how that would be really tough!

So, do you see your own real, deep needs? Is it a longing to be recognized? We all have needs, and it's okay to have them!

I'd love to know if you feel affirmed. Do you also long for the other person to accept you completely?

Or is there something else on your mind?

When you really see each other for who you are, you'll understand why you're the way you are. You'll also be able to look past the little things that bother you and focus on what really matters.

This is because, according to some fascinating neurological research, "longing" and "wanting" actually activate different brain centers.

Have you ever noticed that when you want something, it activates your pleasure centers and causes your dopamine to rise, giving you a temporary rush of euphoria? But then, once that rush is gone, it drives you to pursue more wants, which in turn stimulates more dopamine.

On the other hand, "longing" activates the "satisfaction center," which is stimulated by opioid neurotransmitters that control our deep sense of satisfaction. It's truly amazing how, once our longing is fulfilled, we experience this indescribable sense of satisfaction!

We all love a treat now and then, but let's be honest, an expensive bag, doing the laundry for someone else, or a gift on Valentine's Day can only bring us temporary happiness.

"Desires" are the things in our relationships that bring us satisfaction and strength. They're the things that make our relationships feel full and complete. Things like connection and support, listening and expressing, loving and being loved, valuing and influencing, caring and trusting.

It's so important to understand the difference between "longing" and "wanting" on a scientific level. This can help us to really get to the heart of an argument and find a better way to satisfy our longings. Instead of getting temporary pleasure through "wanting," in the long run, "wanting" cannot give us a sense of satisfaction. We've all been there! And the same drama will play out in the next argument.

So, you can both become aware of what you really want, what your deep needs are, and then tell each other, understand each other, and see each other. That's the only way you can establish a really deep connection and enter a virtuous cycle of interaction.

2. It's so important to see each other's emotional patterns, understand the reasons for these behaviors, communicate sincerely, and establish a new communication model.

I'm sure you'll be interested to know that the patterns we each display in close relationships, especially when conflicts arise, are actually a repetition of the patterns of attachment relationships in childhood. That is, they are the patterns of interaction we had with our own parents.

It's clear that your boyfriend feels insecure in the relationship. He tends to latch on to your unintentional actions and use them as a reason to doubt your love and care for him. It's sad to see him in this state of self-pity, shutting himself off and passively waiting. This is actually a pattern he's developed over time, particularly when it comes to dealing with conflicts in intimate relationships. It's as if he's carrying around a burden from his childhood, when he felt his parents didn't truly care about him. It's a tough cycle to break, but with understanding and compassion, you can help him recognize the roots of his pain and find ways to heal.

He might feel that when you do these things, it shows that you don't care about him. This is an unconscious reaction, which is totally normal! If we don't pay attention, it's hard to see the connection, so this is something you need to discuss. You can summarize: when you do certain things, he gets emotional. What is the need behind the emotion?

What can you do for him to feel cared for? When you become aware again and again, you'll discover patterns, his needs, and patterns. Then you'll also know how to truly care for his needs.

And when a person's needs are truly taken care of, they won't get emotional.

Then, when conflict arises, you might feel afraid of losing him and feel terrified. But, not everyone reacts this way after conflict. It's not certain that the other person will leave after a conflict arises, so it's important to be aware of this pattern in yourself. When you were a child, did you have similar feelings? When you had a conflict with your parents, were you also so worried and afraid, but still had to put yourself out to take care of their feelings?

When you see this, you'll understand yourself and also be able to understand him. You'll understand the reasons for your behavior. On this basis, you'll communicate sincerely using non-violent communication. You'll gradually establish a positive interaction model that promotes the development of the relationship through conflict.

Nonviolent communication is actually very simple. When you have a conflict, don't judge or blame. Just state the objective matter and then express your true feelings. For example, you can say, "I feel worried, scared, and fearful." Then, express your true needs, such as, "I really need your recognition and affirmation. I hope we can communicate more calmly." Finally, make your request, such as, "In the future, when you are angry, can you not ignore me, but tell me what your feelings and needs are?"

When you communicate in this way, you'll get to know each other better and better. You'll understand each other's needs and what you need to do in the relationship. If you can achieve a balanced state without doubting yourself and each other, you'll enter a relationship of mutual support and nourishment. You'll be able to enjoy a harmonious, long-lasting, and stable intimate relationship!

I just wanted to share this with you as a little reminder. I really do wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello, host! I'm smiling.

After reading your description, I understand your question better. I'll give you a hug in the fourth dimension.

From what you've described, it's clear you care deeply about your relationship and love him. That's why you're willing to compromise, apologize, and make concessions when your relationship is in trouble.

You may not have a problem yourself, but you'll say you do to save your relationship.

You may even discover that you love him more than he loves you. This means you're more likely to be the one who tries to please him, the one who gives more in return. This unequal giving can cause problems because you'll find that the response you get in return for what you give is very little.

Your boyfriend hasn't changed. He's still the same.

You will also realize that you have become subservient in this relationship because you have gone along with your boyfriend's demands too much. Over time, you will lose your old self and become more of an accessory to your boyfriend.

I have also summarized ways to help you alleviate the current situation. I am confident that these will help you to some extent.

(1) Have a heart-to-heart chat with your boyfriend and express your feelings and thoughts. Don't let misunderstandings stand in the way. Have many such chats to get a clearer picture of each other's true thoughts and feelings at the moment.

(2) You love your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean you should compromise yourself to maintain the relationship. You have to understand that relationships are mutual, and it doesn't mean that only one person has to maintain it.

(3) Establish a clear boundary line and recognize that your boyfriend's problems are his own, not caused by you.

(4) Love yourself more. Don't put yourself through too much just for the sake of a relationship. Don't make yourself into someone you don't even like.

(5) Accept that the worst thing is that you break up. It may be difficult at first, but you will get through it.

(6) Being together is about making both parties better, not about making one party suffer so that a relationship lasts longer. If you really find that there are unsolvable problems between you and your boyfriend, then you should leave as soon as possible.

The world and I love you.

You've got this!

Everyone can help others by sharing their thoughts. We can use words to help people, and we all have this power.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I understand how you feel. In a relationship, you spend a lot of energy on your partner. They are sensitive and needy. You take care of their feelings and emotions.

You've also become sensitive and full of doubts because you love each other and interact with each other in a certain way. You've become a different person, even losing your original self.

Let's hug and talk about love and intimacy.

Love is an ability, not a need.

From your words, I can tell that you love each other very much.

But behind the love, I see pain: he suspects you don't love him and drains your love, tolerance, and understanding. You feel pain too.

Think about what attracted you to each other at first and if it still works.

You are draining each other. This is not because of a lack of love or compatibility. It is because you lack the ability to love.

When we were young, our parents loved and accepted us. This helped us learn to love and connect with others.

A person who lacks love is like someone who is hungry. They will look for food everywhere. When they were young, they looked for love from their parents. When they grew up, they looked for love from their classmates, teachers, colleagues, and friends. When they enter an intimate relationship, they look for love from their partner.

He's always hungry for love. Even when he gets it, he still asks, "Do you love me?"

You start to doubt that he loves you.

This pattern causes you to develop an "anxious attachment." You become more attached to him and anxious when you can't see, find, or be sure whether he loves you.

2. Maturity and growth through love

You can learn to love better.

You need to heal past trauma. Our needs for others are caused by unmet needs from our parents.

If you can see it, you have the right to choose. If you can see that you lack love and have an anxious attachment, you can heal.

A good relationship can help us grow. If you want to stay together, I suggest you both go to counseling. He can't heal without your support. It's not your fault, but he lacks love. Just taking care of him, being patient, and being tolerant won't solve the problem.

It's great to meet your soulmate at the right time. Make the most of it. Healing takes time, so be patient.

I hope this helps you and the world. I love you.

To continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear Questioner, My name is Jiang 61, and I am a new member of the Yixinli team. Thank you for taking the time to share your concerns with us. By doing so, you have provided us with valuable insight into your relationship with your boyfriend, and we are committed to addressing your concerns.

After reviewing your detailed account, it is evident that you are inclined to self-defeating behaviors and prioritize your boyfriend's satisfaction at the expense of your own needs. Your nervousness and apprehension prevent you from fully engaging in the relationship, leaving you uncertain about your boyfriend's next actions and the potential for conflict.

I will provide you with a supportive embrace to offer you strength. We will then collaborate to resolve your relationship issues, allowing us to identify solutions and achieve a breakthrough.

1. General impression

1. Impression of Boyfriend

Overall impression: The individual in question appears to exhibit characteristics of an immature child and displays signs of insecurity. He can be classified as an anxious attachment type.

2. Your impression

You are a meticulous and considerate individual with a pleasing personality. In your relationship, you exhibit characteristics associated with the fearful attachment style.

2. Personality and attachment determine the mode of interaction.

1. The individual in question displays characteristics of a child, lacking a sense of security.

You have stated that you have taken steps to address his feelings, but he has consistently identified an unintended action on your part as a sign of lack of affection. It appears that he does not trust your feelings for him.

As you can see, your boyfriend is very concerned about your actions towards him and is constantly evaluating his importance in your eyes and whether he is loved. He is very much like an immature individual who requires constant care.

Therefore, it is important to avoid nitpicking and labeling.

When he suspects that I am indifferent to his feelings, he becomes even more passive and reluctant to communicate and resolve issues proactively. He retreats into a state of self-pity, isolates himself, and waits passively.

His behavior indicates a lack of confidence when in your presence. When he perceives a lack of value, he tends to withdraw. Your engagement with external matters provides him with a sense of security. He tends to avoid conflict resolution.

2. Individuals with an anxious attachment style tend to be insecure about their romantic partners.

Anxious attachment types are sensitive and suspicious, and they lack trust in their partners. They engage in disruptive behavior without justification. The essence of anxious attachment is that they have deep insecurities. They seek to exert control over the other person through words and actions to ensure their continued proximity.

You stated that when he suspects that you don't love him and don't care about him, he becomes even more passive and unwilling to communicate and solve problems actively. He simply becomes immersed in a state of self-pity, withdrawing and waiting passively.

His approach elicits feelings of guilt and remorse, which in turn elicit sympathy and further attention. This is a strategy he employs to enhance his sense of value and security.

This series of behaviors is referred to in psychological literature as a "guilt-inducing strategy." It is also a consequence of insecurity.

3. Your need for attention is fulfilled by your ability to please others.

You have stated that you consistently give in, compromise, and apologize.

To some extent, you have been striving to address his emotional needs by tolerating, compromising, and apologizing repeatedly in order to maintain harmony and avoid conflict. You have fulfilled his requirements for attention, a sense of worth, and security.

This constitutes the pattern of your interactions.

4. The fear of attachment creates a dichotomy of emotions, simultaneously longing for and fearing the relationship.

You state, "My partner's doubts are a significant source of stress, prompting me to tread carefully at all times. Even minor actions that do not align with my expectations can trigger feelings of concern that the relationship is beyond repair. I am uncertain about how to break this cycle."

Your need to please others causes you to prioritize the feelings of others over your own. When you fail to meet your boyfriend's needs, he resorts to the "guilt-inducing strategy," which makes you question your actions.

You are currently experiencing a state of fear and confusion.

Your apprehension about forming an attachment makes you want to continue this relationship, but you are also concerned that you cannot fully assume the responsibilities that come with it and you question its long-term viability. You are experiencing a sense of self-blame and internal conflict, and you find yourself repeatedly questioning:

You have expressed concern that you may not be able to meet your partner's needs due to perceived limitations in your ability to provide care and attention. This has led you to consider the possibility of ending the relationship and moving on.

3. It is time to engage in serious reflection.

Given the circumstances, I believe it is important to consider your options for the future.

You inquire as to whether you are originally from the same place and whether you are suited for each other.

"However, I am extremely fond of him and will continue to be so. Is there no alternative but to separate?"

After reviewing your thoughts, I would like to suggest the following: When considering whether to continue the relationship, it is essential to first answer and convince yourself of the following:

1. What are the genuine strengths of this individual that you find appealing?

First, identify the strengths of the individual that make it worthwhile to set aside your personal values and accept someone with a challenging temperament.

2. Is it feasible to tolerate his irascibility indefinitely?

It is important to understand that a person's character will not change in a short period of time. Therefore, it is necessary to accept this fact. In addition, it is essential to determine the extent to which you can accept this situation, taking into account time and other factors. Allow yourself to navigate this process.

Secondly, if you choose to maintain your current position, have you considered how to alter the status quo?

In other words, modify your attachment patterns. You do not currently interact with your boyfriend in a satisfactory manner. Instead, clearly communicate your expectations and desired outcome for the relationship.

Thirdly, the change of roles allows him to develop and grow through interaction.

In future interactions, it is not necessary to be the perfectionist and caretaker. It is important to demonstrate vulnerability to allow him to perceive a need for his care and protection. This will facilitate a gradual transformation from a protected person to a protector, taking on responsibility in the relationship.

Concurrently, he will also gain an appreciation for his own value.

His sense of security will increase in line with his sense of worth. The previously dependent individual will become a source of support and guidance.

You will no longer have cause for concern.

These are just three suggestions. You are free to decide whether they are appropriate for your circumstances. Finally, I wish you success in achieving your goals.

When I read that you have "done your best to take care of his feelings," I can hear the sense of powerlessness behind your words. Maybe, as you say, sometimes an unintentional action can also set off a storm between you, and you need to calm it down again and again. I believe you must love him very much to cover up your own grievances and still find fault with yourself, asking "Is it just that I am too careless and don't know how to take care of other people's feelings?"

I'm not here to judge who is more problematic, you or your boyfriend. I'm not here to say who is right or wrong in a relationship. What I am here to say is that feelings are the most important thing in a relationship.

I'd like you to think back to the words you wrote at that heartfelt moment. It's so important to trust your own feelings. Did you feel nourished or oppressed in this relationship? Did you feel able to relax and be yourself? And when conflicts arose, were you both able to resolve them in a relatively good way?

Do you feel closer to someone after resolving a conflict? If the answer is no to all of these questions, it might be helpful to ask yourself, "Why can't I leave someone if the experience is bad?" It's okay if you're not sure yet. What is it about the other person that attracts you?

I know it can be tough to think about, but what value needs did it satisfy?

If you think about these things, you may have a reference for making a choice. It's okay to ask yourself, "Is the sadness and depression I feel worth the gains I have made?"

In fact, when you write all this down, your heart is already telling you what you need to know. Sometimes all we have to do is find some time, some time just for ourselves, to take a good look inside ourselves, and the answers will be there.

01:

From the perspective of self-psychology, I feel that the questioner is constantly fighting against their own strength and internal fears — and they're going to win!

When you suffer from fear, fight it with all your strength! But when you're exhausted, the pain doubles, and after the pain, I start to deny myself.

Oh, no! It's not like that at all! You haven't always been like this. This is just a natural emotion after a period of exhaustion.

You are absolutely, 100% still worth loving! You are worthy of the world's love, worthy of our love, and worthy of your own love for yourself.

02:

You are afraid of separation, you think your boyfriend suspects you, and you are often anxious about losing him. But how much have you suffered yourself? Let me tell you, you are going to be just fine!

Have you not received true love in your own life's journey? This is heartbreaking, but it's also an opportunity for growth! You've tried your best to love others, and that's something to be proud of.

So, dear (I hope you're well), don't hurt yourself, okay? It's not your fault. You'll get better, and you'll be stronger than ever before!

Now, about your relationship with your boyfriend: whether you separate or stay together, I don't know what to say, but I'm excited to see what happens!

I just want to say that your well-being is the most important thing, no matter whether you are apart or together!

I know you have a strong side. This strength is that you are comfortable and confident, whether you are apart or together!

If neither being apart nor being together makes you feel comfortable and confident, then what's the point of it all? Let's find out together!

Of course, this is just dialectical logic. It's all about how you feel, and it's a great thing to focus on!

I wish you all the best!

From what I can gather from the questioner's words, I sense that there may be some confusion, anxiety and unease in the relationship.

A good intimate relationship is one that makes you feel warm, secure, and safe. From the situation described by the questioner, it seems that he has done his best to take care of the other person's feelings, but he is still being doubted and subsequently neglected, which leaves him in a state of fear and anxiety. From this perspective, it seems that the intimate relationship the questioner is currently in may not be as positive as it could be.

A relationship is between two people. It is important to recognize that no matter how much effort one person puts in, if the other person doesn't feel it or doesn't respond, it may not lead to the desired outcome. I believe it would be beneficial for us to explore the reasons for this "vicious cycle" from both perspectives.

Could you please tell me why you're afraid of losing him and what he means to you? Is there something about him that makes it difficult for you to live without him? And what attracts you to him?

Could you please describe the usual circumstances when your partner is suspicious or unhappy about your neglect, and what you have done in these situations? Are you doing things that go beyond the scope of a couple, or is he being unreasonable? Could you please describe the kind of needs he has behind his unreasonable behavior, and whether you think you can always satisfy these needs?

Additionally, it is worth considering whether accommodating unreasonable behavior is the best approach. If the other person is particularly sensitive and prone to overreactions, it might be helpful to assess whether continuing the relationship is the best option.

I believe that in order to find a solution to this situation, it would be helpful for the questioner to take some time to reflect and think deeply about the following: What are you afraid of? What do you need? And, perhaps most importantly, can you accept the other person's part of the problem?

Once these issues have been addressed, it may be possible to establish a deeper connection and communication with both parties in a calm and willing manner. By gaining a deeper understanding of the underlying needs and challenges of both parties, it may be easier to determine the best course of action moving forward.

I would like to kindly suggest that the original poster try to find a way out of this feeling of powerlessness and anxiety, and gradually clarify what they really want.

Thanks for the invite, but I think you've been emotionally manipulated, and if I could suggest leaving, I would.

I can't say for sure what your life is like from your perspective. But if he loves you, he should love you for who you are, whether you're careless or attentive. That's how you've been since the beginning.

If you're always complaining about something and you can't see the changes you've made to try to please him, it just shows that you can never change enough to satisfy him.

There are two possible explanations for this situation. Either his feelings for you have changed, but he doesn't want to face the pressure of breaking up, or he's deliberately belittling you to control you.

Either way, it's not good for you.

In short, regardless of how much you care about him, I hope you can be yourself, love yourself, and stick to your principles and bottom line. There might be some temporary pain, but only in this way can you be happy and manage your relationship better. Even if you don't break up with him, I suggest you take some time apart to maintain a distance in terms of space, time, and psychology.

For a while, try to break out of this vicious cycle and take a good look at your heart.

If you don't love yourself, who will? In this world, no relationship is worth compromising yourself for. If you need to, it's not the right one.

Stay strong! I think you understand the reasoning, but you just don't want to step out of your comfort zone. From what I can see, your comfort zone is no longer comfortable.

"I love him very much, and I will always love him." What makes you so sure that you love him and that you will always love him?

Tell me what you love about him. Does loving him make you walk on eggshells all the time?

Or are you in love with the feeling of "walking on thin ice"?

"He still always labels my unintentional actions as not loving him, and he never trusts my feelings for him." You have done your best to take care of his feelings. You have always given in, compromised, and apologized. You have walked on eggshells around him all the time.

You can't prove to him that you love him.

The questioner is insisting on proving to him that they love him and letting him set the standard for whether or not they love him.

The questioner wants to know what they can get from these "loving him" behaviors.

"The anxiety and fear of losing him forever." What's the worst that could happen if you break up with him?

Is it more frightening than knowing that you have a time bomb by your side that could go off at any time?

"I don't know how to end this cycle between us." It's simple. Stop proving to him that you love him.

Stop using his standards and judgments to measure whether you are truly loving him.

If you meet his standards, he'll pretend not to see it and won't admit it. You won't know!

You can't take care of him forever. You can't even take care of yourself, let alone someone else.

Let the other person teach you how to love him with practical actions. Use his actions of loving you as an example to teach you how to love him.

I am certain that my response will help you. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

I have to say, I envy your boyfriend for having a girlfriend as deep and caring as you. It's so admirable that you're willing to take care of his feelings and work hard to maintain the relationship.

I can see that you're feeling pretty helpless, scared, and tired in this relationship.

You also feel these emotions in yourself and want to change the situation, but you don't know how.

"Everyone has their limitations. Am I not born with enough sensitivity to always take care of him?"

This is so true! We all have our own limitations. We're not perfect, and even saints aren't perfect. There are always things we can't do. But we can't say that someone is not born to be attentive. Even people who are not born to be attentive can change as they grow up.

Even if you can't change it very carefully, don't worry! This is not a big problem and will not have a significant impact on the relationship. As for whether you will always be unable to take care of him, this is possible because some people have more needs than average. He is like a black hole, constantly absorbing the energy of the people around him, until the people around him are exhausted, and he will never be satisfied.

I'd also like to add one more thing. I just wanted to check in and ask why you think you have to take care of him? I think the relationship between you two should be equal and balanced. It can't be one-sided and endless giving.

"Are we not originally from the same place and not suitable for each other?"

This is a great question that we can talk about for a long time. Simply put, one person will be a better match for a certain type of person, but it's almost impossible to find two people who are a perfect match. Any two people entering into an intimate relationship will need to go through a process of adjustment. This process can be challenging and will involve a lot of conflicts and pain, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow together.

It seems like the main issue here is that you two aren't able to communicate openly and work together towards a common goal. It would be great if you could discuss problems together more often!

It seems like you're the one putting in all the effort in this relationship, while he's not really reciprocating. It's not really sustainable like that, is it?

"Now, the tiniest thing he does wrong fills me with fear that I'm going to lose him and that the relationship is beyond repair. I'm terrified, poor thing."

"I love him so much, I will always love him. Is there only a separation ending?"

I think this is something you really need to think about, because it's clear that you both need each other.

I'm really curious to know why you think you love him so much. Is it because you see the end of this relationship as so terrible? Why is this relationship so important to you? In your opinion, is this relationship more important than anything else, even more important than your own happiness and your own character?

True love is not like this. It's not about constantly tolerating and giving, and it's not about holding on tightly. When you're unwilling to change and unwilling to move on, it's really important to take a good look inside yourself and ask yourself if this is really love.

I think there may be some obstacles in the other person's personality. It's totally understandable that you're afraid of losing the relationship. When we're in that situation, we tend to give in and compromise no matter what.

I get the feeling that your current relationship is a bit like the one described in The Gaslight Effect. It seems like you need him and want his love and approval, and as a result, you're being firmly manipulated by him.

If you're interested, I'd highly recommend reading this book. I was once in a similar relationship and couldn't extricate myself. After reading it, I can say that it was a real eye-opener!

When we let go of some of those pesky little obsessions in our hearts, those problems that we once found so difficult to solve, they just...poof! They're gone!

Hi, I'm Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you, world!

Hello! I can see you're worried.

The questioner wants her boyfriend to be more stable and for their relationship to be happy. What does she want from this relationship?

Do you want your boyfriend's approval? Do you want to be seen?

The questioner has sacrificed a lot for your relationship.

1. I've tried to take care of his feelings, but he still gets upset over things I didn't mean. He doesn't trust me. When he doubts me, he withdraws and becomes passive.

The questioner is trying to keep the relationship going. They want their boyfriend to see their efforts. But if the boyfriend thinks you don't love him, he will feel sad and withdraw. He needs to face this and learn from it.

2. I have to deal with suspicion and fear of losing him. I give in, compromise, and apologize. His suspicion makes me walk on eggshells. The slightest thing goes wrong, and I'm scared. I'm scared of losing him.

"I don't know how to end this cycle."

The questioner needs to let her boyfriend face his own problems. She should focus on her own issues and let her boyfriend work through his. Letting go doesn't mean losing your boyfriend. He'll take on the pressure and grow up. When you focus on your own issues, your relationship will be balanced and you'll feel the love of the other person.

3. "Maybe we're not right for each other."

I love him and always will. Is there no other ending but separation?

Does the questioner want to give up the relationship? I don't think so.

If you can't let go, think about balancing your relationship. The questioner needs to be true to themselves and stop taking on their boyfriend's emotions.

The hostess is aware of the issue and is motivated to provide comfort. She believes that despite the strong bond between you, the relationship is still not providing the nourishment you need, and you are experiencing a significant depletion of your sense of power and suffering.

1. What is the significance of this relationship to you? Based on your description, you appear to be striving to prioritize his feelings. You report feelings of insecurity and anxiety, as well as a fear of losing him. The other person frequently requests that you compromise and concede. You express a profound love for him, yet it seems that you have endured a considerable amount of distress and sadness as a result of your love for him.

From the perspective of the host, it is important to consider why the other person remains unsatisfied despite one's efforts. This prompts the question of whether there are underlying issues with the relationship or one's approach to it. If a relationship requires significant effort to maintain, it raises the question of its long-term sustainability.

2. The poster evinces a profound love for the other person, yet it appears that she has neglected to cultivate self-love. From the description, it is evident that the poster holds her boyfriend in high regard, yet she does not mention how her boyfriend feels about her. This omission may contribute to her feelings of powerlessness and torment in this relationship.

In a relationship, the desire for love from another person is often contingent upon one's own self-love. The poster's question reveals a tendency to overlook her own needs and those of her partner. It is evident that the poster has overlooked her own need for love and care from her boyfriend. Furthermore, she has neglected to prioritize her own well-being and self-care.

3. A healthy relationship requires mutual effort and commitment. While addressing problems in a relationship is not inherently problematic, avoiding, neglecting, or shirking responsibility are significant relationship taboos. In the case of the poster's relationship, there are evident problems. The boyfriend frequently demands compromises, and backing down is not conducive to the relationship's development. Despite recognizing this issue, the poster has not yet defended her boundaries.

The act of defending one's own boundaries can be viewed as an expression of self-love. When challenges emerge, it is crucial to recognize that we must take responsibility for our own actions and needs, while also holding the other person accountable for their contributions. When we experience hurt in a relationship, it is essential to communicate our feelings and expectations, rather than merely tolerating or adapting to the situation.

It is my sincere hope that this will prove to be of assistance to you.