I am highly sensitive, and after being hurt, it is difficult for me to trust friends again. What should I do?

Hello.

Your experience is identical to what I went through in high school.

Hugging you, you must be having a hard time. I can't stop thinking about it, and I know we can still be good friends if the other person would just hug me back.

I never confronted the issues I had with that friend in high school. But today, seeing that the original poster and I had the same confusion, I knew I had to write a letter to the original poster and also to myself from back then.

I am certain that this will be of help to the original poster.

Hello, you're suffering. I know you care a lot about that friend. She is very good in your eyes, like a person who shines.

She doesn't care about you. She doesn't reply to messages and has even said hurtful things to you.

You're reluctant to let her go and worried about her leaving. It's also difficult for you to concentrate on your studies because of this, and everything bothers you. I hug you and you suffer.

I know you care about that friend, and I know you're insecure and suspicious. I know your pain.

I want to put my arms around your shoulders and say, "It's okay. Break out of this cage. Break it."

Our lives are not determined by that friend. It doesn't matter if she makes us more sensitive and insecure; it's our own life.

In our own world, she is just an NPC, and we ourselves are the protagonists. Don't let your own imagination define your life. Be bold and don't be afraid to lose. Ask her directly: "Why can you like my posts on WeChat but not reply to my messages?"

If she replies, "Sorry, I didn't see it," then forgive her. If she gives such a perfunctory response repeatedly and then keeps blaming you when you confront her or keeps telling you that she cares about you while her actions show otherwise,

I think you've been misled. She doesn't consider you an important friend.

Don't give your true heart to people who don't care about you. Your true heart is precious, and you deserve better. Hold it warmly in your own hands.

You are not bad just because you lost her.

You feel bad about yourself because you don't see your own good points. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: losing a friend doesn't define who you are. You get to decide who you want to be.

You are loved. Look at your parents. They may not be good at expressing their feelings, but they love you.

You may have been abandoned and hurt in previous relationships with friends, but that doesn't make you bad or unworthy of love. Look at your own merits and summarize yourself by keeping a diary.

You will find yourself in the diary. You can also observe your own behavior and the behavior and thoughts of others.

You are not worthless. Look around you. Do the other students around you have any strengths? You have many strengths.

I'll give you a hug.

I know this pain all too well. I can still feel what it was like to lie in bed and toss and turn.

You will undoubtedly notice that there is both kindness and rivalry among classmates.

You will undoubtedly discover that you are a person with many strengths. For example, thinking a lot is a strength.

It's not a problem at all that you think a lot to protect yourself.

You may not understand why sensitivity is an advantage right now, but you will. At least for now it's still the guy who gives you a headache, but you know what?

I empathize more easily with other people's emotions because I'm sensitive. I also feel the beauty of nature more deeply than most. My emotions are delicate yet profound. I think more because I'm sensitive, but I gain more beauty in return.

Yes, your sensitivity is an advantage. You have many other strengths.

You didn't give up on your studies even though you were sad.

You need to discover your own strengths.

And most importantly,

I understand your concern about losing friends, but you need to stop worrying about it.

Have you really thought about wasting your energy on someone who may not care about you?

When you hang your heart on someone, you're attached to that person. It's that simple. Whether you can continue to be friends depends on her.

You can't control this, and that's why you're in a state of instability.

Use the energy you have for yourself. Study hard, read, and rely on yourself.

You will become better and better. If she doesn't want to stay, you will also gain new friends because of your own radiance.

You need to stop taking friends too seriously. The most important thing is you.

That's all I have to say, OP.

I want to follow up. I want to know what the OP will do about this afterwards, and how your friend will respond to you, and whether the OP can learn to rely on and love herself.

The result of my high school incident was not good. I am writing from the perspective of what will happen if the questioner loses his friend.

You and your friend can make up.

I got over the whole high school thing in five years. Frustration gave me the strength to write this letter.

Don't worry, OP. Even if you take the wrong path, it's not a big deal. You'll be fine. In the end, the setbacks we encounter will become our strength.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Come on, OP. You can do this.

Hello, question asker! You ask, "After being traumatized, it's tough for the highly sensitive you to trust your friends again."

Let's start by shaking hands. We're both highly sensitive people.

If you're open to it, I'd like to give you a warm hug over the phone to comfort your wounded heart. Let's take a look at your question together.

You say you're a sensitive person. You feel insecure in your friendships. Your friend is very kind to you, and you're gradually learning to trust her.

You recently had a falling out with a friend, and she said some very hurtful things. Even though that incident is over, you're even more afraid of losing her and more sensitive and suspicious.

You're flooded with thoughts about her, and you're worried that she's no longer interested. You want to reach out to her, but your friend said during the argument that she hates long, drawn-out texts.

You're not sure how to tell her how you feel, but it's tough to be so confused. It seems like your feelings for her change quickly, and you don't have much interest in anything else. You've got good grades, but it's hard to focus. She didn't reply to your WeChat, but she liked something in her circle of friends, which made you feel uncomfortable.

You were afraid of losing her, but when you made it clear that you were important to her, she stopped being so sensitive. Now everything is back to square one, and you're torn between fear of losing her and the desire to hold on to her. You really don't know what to do anymore.

It's important to let your emotions out.

After reading your question, I get the sense that your emotions are really affected by the changes in your relationship. You seem like a sensitive and suspicious person, but you've accepted this friend and become a true friend, so I imagine you care a lot about her and the friendship between you.

It's normal for there to be some friction in a relationship. It's like when your teeth and tongue get along for too long, they'll fight.

It's true that after a conflict with your friend, they said some hurtful things to you, and those words have also hurt you. You may be a kind person who has not responded in kind and still hopes to repair your relationship.

It's important to understand that when we suppress our emotions, we're not actually getting rid of them. They'll still be there, waiting to be expressed in another way. It's natural to feel uncomfortable when someone hurts us, and it's okay to have other concerns if we don't fight back. But it's also important to recognize that suppressing our emotions won't make them disappear. We need to find a way to release them.

Method 1: Writing therapy.

There's a self-healing method in psychology called writing therapy. You can write about the incident that caused the conflict between you and your colleague this time, why you had a conflict, what you said or did during the conflict that made the other person angry.

If you have the time and energy, you can also write down the entire development process of the two of you, from meeting, to becoming familiar, to becoming friends.

For instance, how did you two meet, and who was the driving force behind the relationship afterwards? Was it you, your partner, or a combination of the two? And what made you two eventually develop a friendship? Sometimes the answers will come naturally as you write.

However, this method may take a while and be quite laborious. It also depends on whether you personally like to write or not. If you do, then give it a try; if not, I will introduce another method below.

Method 2: Find a listener or counselor.

Most listening or counseling professionals have received specialized training in psychology and have lots of experience helping people with similar issues. You can find a counselor who can help you solve your problems in this area.

Your problem likely involves both interpersonal relationships and emotions, and it may also involve other personal issues. I'm not a professional in this area, so I don't know everything. If you find a counselor or therapist, you only need to express your problem to them, and they will listen very carefully and may even give you feedback at key points.

This method is simple and fast. A few sessions with them may help you to get things off your chest. Even if you can't speak, they'll guide you to do so.

They're professionals, so they'll create a safe, warm, understanding, and supportive environment for you and guide you to speak up bravely.

Best wishes, and I hope my answer is helpful. The world and I love you!

Hello!

You seem sensitive and cautious. You've invested a lot in this friendship and value it. You're aware of your discomfort and have the courage to talk about it. You're great, and I'm here for you.

What helps you when you're uncomfortable?

You say you are sensitive and insecure with friends. How do you get along with your family and classmates?

Sensitive people are cautious, easy to please, and always concerned about other people's feelings. Suppressing your feelings for a long time will make you feel uncomfortable.

It doesn't matter. Just being aware of it means you're already changing. It's normal for teens to be possessive and want unique friendships.

But darling, you forgot that sensitive people care about others and neglect themselves. While you're thinking about how to be good to him, have you thought about how to be comfortable yourself?

If you could live life casually, how would it be different? What have you done to make this happen?

Who will notice your change?

You're sensitive and have conflicts with friends. I have some advice that might help.

First, understand yourself.

Having a good attitude helps us deal with problems. When we change our attitude, we can understand our own uniqueness and advantages. This helps us have more confidence.

Love yourself.

You are sensitive, but communication-barriers-due-to-my-over-sensitivity-and-fragile-heart-1886.html" target="_blank">sensitivity is a gift. It allows us to care about others. It also makes us focus on others and ignore ourselves.

You've been letting your friend walk all over you because you're afraid of losing him. But you need to face your fears and accept your situation. I'm the same way, and I've learned to love myself. If you can't love yourself, your friend won't love you either. So learn to love yourself. If you do, things will get better.

Learn to communicate well.

In life, communication is always needed. Without it, we cannot understand a person. A good communication model makes life more enjoyable.

You haven't told your friends about your feelings. You're carrying everything alone and doubting the relationship. If you want to feel better, tell him how you feel. If he understands, accepts you, and makes changes, he's a true friend. If he doesn't, leave.

Then, learn to release negative emotions.

I'm also sensitive. I get hurt by other people's actions. If you're always suppressed, you'll become more sensitive. Learn to release your negative emotions when shopping. Talk to someone, keep a diary, or exercise. How can we understand what we really need?

Get help from outside resources.

I don't know if this obsession is just with friends or all relationships. If you're confused, you can get help from a counselor. They can help you understand why this is the case.

They can create a safe, peaceful, and inclusive environment for us to thrive in.

You need to learn to love yourself first. All relationships need boundaries. Give the other person space and trust. That way, both sides will be comfortable. What do you think?

Hello, questioner! I'm Jia Ao, and I'm here to help in any way I can.

I saw your confessions on the platform, and I'm so excited to help you! You said that you are a highly sensitive personality, that you feel very insecure in establishing intimate relationships, and that it is also difficult for you to trust someone. The kindness of your friend has made you slowly trust her, but recently you have had conflicts, and she has said some very hurtful things. Although the matter has passed, you have become even more afraid of losing her. You are also particularly sensitive and suspicious, and it is easy to get carried away with your thoughts when things happen. You want to communicate well with your friend, and I'm here to help you do just that! However, all of your emotions arise because of her, and you become more and more worried about losing her. You feel that things are getting worse and worse, and you don't know what to do, but I know you can do it!

From your description, I can see a bit of myself in you. I was once very insecure and had a hard time trusting people, but we can get through this together! I can strongly feel how much you cherish and care about this friend, because you keep talking about how good she is to you. You feel especially at ease when you know for sure that you are important to the other person, and that's great! Every move the other person makes affects your emotions, but that's okay because it shows you care! If you didn't care about the other person so much, why would you be so nervous and care so much?

The more sentimental a person is, the more vulnerable they are. But there's no need to fret! Even casual rejection and neglect from the other person can easily make you feel sad and upset. But you are now especially eager to know if there is any way to make yourself feel better, aren't you? And I'm here to help!

Let's chat!

1. It's true that people who have been hurt find it difficult to trust others again, especially highly sensitive people. But there's no need to worry! With a little time and the right mindset, you can learn to trust again. It does take time to heal, and when you are hurt, you are always prone to feel uneasy and self-blame. But you can adjust your mentality to help you heal faster. Try to look at things with an open mind, and analyze problems from a comprehensive perspective. Don't get too caught up in "self-defeating thoughts"—you've got this!

2. Why do you feel hurt? It's because of your friend's particularly hurtful words. Those emotional words made you feel hurt in your self-esteem, and you were especially hurt in your heart. You were even knocked out of confidence. This shows that you are a person with a very strong sense of self-esteem. If you want to not be affected, you should try not to deliberately pay attention to other people's opinions and comments in the future. You don't have to care too much about other people's opinions. Pay more attention to your own "emotional feelings." Everyone thinks differently. You can't interfere with other people, but you can change yourself! In the future, give yourself a little more self-confidence, face everything bravely, and let yourself become confident and optimistic. Believe that your world is so beautiful and full of hope.

3. Be brave and face your own heart. Don't avoid your true feelings. Face yourself seriously. Think more rationally and comfort yourself emotionally about this matter. Give yourself more room inside. True "security" comes from within. There is no way to rely on others. Take your time. Don't rush. Take your time. Give yourself more time to heal. It's not that difficult. What's bad is temporary. Believe that you can handle it. Come on! Believe in yourself~

I really hope my answer can help you! The world and I love you ♥

Hello, Jiang 61!

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your confusion. As a highly sensitive person who has a hard time trusting friends after being hurt, how can you deal with this?

Let's hug you and understand how you feel. We'll explore how to handle your communication-barriers-due-to-my-over-sensitivity-and-fragile-heart-1886.html" target="_blank">sensitivity and insecurity.

1. The phenomenon

1. Your nature

You say you're sensitive and insecure in friendships. Your friend treated you well and you trusted her.

I had a fight with a friend and she said some hurtful things. I'm still afraid of losing things and I'm more sensitive and suspicious.

From your introduction, I feel you are introverted, wary of people, and care about friendships. You are also concerned about what others say and think. You lack a sense of security.

Conflicts with your best friend have made you more insecure. But you want your best friend's care and trust.

2. Speculation

You said you're afraid you're no longer important to her. But during the argument, she said she hates long conversations.

I don't want to talk to her about this.

Arguments make you sad. You're worried that if you say too much, it'll make things worse. You're afraid she'll stop considering you a good friend and you're afraid of losing her. So, you try to restrain yourself and don't want to explain too much.

If you don't say anything, you feel bad. If you do, you worry that you'll lose your friends. You're filled with internal conflict, so you start to speculate about how your friends really feel about you. This causes you anxiety.

You seem to be cautious when communicating with friends, worrying about offending them.

3⃣️, sad?

You said, "But it's painful to be filled with random thoughts. My emotions change easily. I've lost my appetite. I do well in school, but I find it hard to concentrate. She didn't reply to my WeChat, but liked something in her circle of friends, which made me feel uncomfortable.

I was afraid of losing her, but now I know I'm important to her, I'm not as sensitive. Now everything is back to square one, and I'm torn. I don't know what to do.

You care.

You care a lot about trust with friends. It's hard to tell someone your true thoughts and worries. This makes you feel sad and speculating about the other person's attitude towards you. This shows how much you care about trust.

Nervousness and anxiety

After the argument, you contacted your friends because they didn't reply to your messages. You couldn't eat or sleep. This shows you are nervous, anxious, and afraid of losing your friends.

Trauma

You're nervous and concerned about your friendships. This seems related to what happened in your original family. It caused trauma, making you feel emotional and anxious.

Your friend still thinks you're important, which helps.

What can you do?

After everything calms down, you'll think about how to adjust to being led by others' attitudes.

2. Why?

Let's talk about why you're like this.

1. Personality

You seem cautious, passive, and prone to suspecting others. You keep things bottled up, are reluctant to communicate, and worry about yourself. These traits stem from your personality and lack of self-confidence.

You're probably a people-pleaser and a melancholic.

The "pleasing type"

People who are "pleasing" are tired. They feel like they're always around others, like they have thoughts but no self, like they want to refuse but can't say no, like they want to vent but are afraid of offending, and like they're weak and small in relationships.

"Pleasing" people pay close attention to others, ignore their own feelings, and often appear kind even when they don't feel good.

People with melancholic personalities

People with a melancholic personality:

Thoughtful, sensitive, idealistic, and pursue truth and beauty.

Strengths: perceptive, loyal, talented, insightful

Weaknesses: obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, passive.

Your worries and anxieties are caused by your personality.

2⃣️, Communication style

Your description also shows how you express yourself after a conflict with a close friend. Instead of using a consistent communication model, you argue, which causes misunderstanding and ineffective communication.

3⃣, Original family

Strong-willed parents.

Your final explanation clearly reflects your life in your original family. You grew up in a family with a lack of love and communication. Your parents are strong, which has made you timid and fearful. You are cautious in dealing with people and keep everything inside.

You're afraid of offending your parents, so you often put yourself in a difficult position.

The

You also get along with your classmates by compromising and trying to please them. This shows you are a people pleaser.

Lack of love and self-confidence

You crave love and support from your parents. When you don't get it, you look to friends for love.

If you worry you'll lose their love after an argument, you're not confident and think you can survive alone.

3. What to do

1. Find yourself.

Change the people who please others.

If you know you have a "pleasing" personality, you can try these methods to improve.

Be aware of yourself.

Examine your behavior and become more self-aware.

Pay attention to your feelings.

Pay attention to your feelings and find out what you're worth.

Trust your judgment.

Trust yourself. Don't listen to others. Speak your mind. Say no.

Respect yourself. Set clear boundaries.

Everyone is equal. We should respect ourselves and others. Don't put yourself down and praise others.

Treat yourself and others equally.

Praise and affirm your value.

Discover your strengths and improve yourself. Do things you're good at to build confidence.

Praise yourself and know your worth.

Be confident.

Self-confidence comes from being aware of yourself, paying attention, strengthening your beliefs, and praising yourself.

2. Expressing consistency

You fought with your friend because you didn't communicate well.

Consistent expression

Consistency is a way to deal with stress and communicate with others. It means expressing what you want, expect, feel, and think.

This expression is based on self-worth and creates harmony between yourself, others, and the situation. It is a way to share emotions, information, and situations consistently.

This style of communication can help you be more aware of yourself and in control of your thoughts and feelings.

Consistent expression

This sentence structure is used to express consistency:

When...

Describe the situation without emotions or accusations.

? My feelings are...

Express your feelings and emotions clearly.

I hope...

Specify what you want the other person to do and what you need from them.

I believe...

Describe your expectations.

When you communicate consistently, the other person gets the same message every time. This reduces misunderstandings and makes your relationships better.

3⃣️, say goodbye to your family

Let go.

To face reality in your relationships and life, and resolve conflicts, you must let go of the past. Accept your imperfections and start again.

Say goodbye to your family.

Your problems may be caused by your family of origin. The best way to stop the damage is to let go.

List the damage.

You have listed the past hurts and understand why you were hurt.

Say goodbye to hurt.

You can do this by choosing someone who resembles the person who hurt you and replacing them. Tell them you forgive them and start a new relationship with them.

Write down what you want to say and say goodbye to the past.

Start over.

Saying goodbye to the past means a new beginning. You make a wish for yourself to face your problems and express your feelings.

Work hard for your future. Be honest and true to yourself.

4. Emotion Management

If you feel anxious and have crazy thoughts, it's because you can't manage your emotions. To get out of an unstable emotional state, you need to manage your emotions well and calm yourself down after something unpleasant happens with a classmate or friend. Emotion management includes:

Recognize your emotions.

The first step in managing emotions is recognizing them.

Accepting emotions

Healthy emotions are in line with the situation. When your emotions match the situation, it's a sign that your emotions are normal.

This means that you will feel less stressed and more at peace.

Expressing emotions

Emotional expression is when you say what you feel. It is often in the form of "I... my feelings..."

Cultivate emotions.

You can manage your emotions by practicing the following ways.

(1) Living a regular life helps you feel more stable.

(2) Develop a hobby, love yourself, and appreciate life.

(3) Look after others and help them.

(4) Being in nature will calm your mind and help you feel better.

5) Spend time with stable people to reduce emotional problems.

You can change the situation through your own efforts and have a good relationship with your friends.

I hope the questioner has a happy life!