I am the second child in my family, I have lost direction in life, should I continue?

The desire to communicate a particular message to a specific individual, with the expectation that it will be received in a confidential manner, is a common human experience.

Parents who have never engaged in the act of shouting at their children may experience a profound emotional divide within themselves.

One may express gratitude when others exhibit benevolence, yet no individual can ever be a replacement for one's parents.

If one's parents do not approve of one's existence, it can evoke a profound sense of pain, as if one's very existence is devoid of meaning.

Parents are the primary source of life and early-life support.

However, from the moment of birth, the trajectory of one's life is ultimately in one's own hands.

The decision to fulfill unfulfilled wishes and the choice of how to proceed are yours to make.

It should be noted that there are numerous individuals who are willing to provide support and assistance, and who may not be known to the individual in question. However, assistance is always available.

Should one not wish to fall in love, that is a decision that can be made independently.

If one is fearful of matrimony, then it is advisable to refrain from entering into a marital union.

Those who are fond of cats may wish to consider acquiring one. It is recommended that one first educate oneself about the animal and observe its behavior, and then proceed to interact with it directly.

It is acceptable to lack fantasies regarding one's child's wedding.

There are numerous individuals across the globe who lead lives that are wholly distinct from what one might imagine. These alternative lifestyles are often beyond the comprehension of those who have lived for longer.

By expanding one's perspective, it becomes evident that the perceived limitations of those who label one as selfish are, in fact, quite narrow.

One might consider experimenting with this approach, rejecting the expectations of others, and allowing oneself to be oneself.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I try to be modest and consistent.

From your description, I gained a deeper insight into the saying, "Those who prefer a bigger partner love a smaller one, and the one in the middle gets the brunt of it."

If the past was shaped by the actions of others, then the future is something we can all shape for ourselves.

From the moment we are born, we cry to attract the attention of adults, so that we can be fed or change our diapers. We are fortunate to have the care of our parents for all of this, and we should be grateful for that.

No matter what we experience later in life, and regardless of whether or not the people who gave us birth loved us enough, it is a positive thing that we have grown up.

Some people may find the transition to adulthood challenging, particularly when it involves leaving loved ones and embarking on a new journey alone. It's important to remember that we all face these challenges differently. What matters is that we recognize our ability to start our own lives and embrace the joy that comes with it.

How might we improve our sense of happiness?

As a teacher, I have the privilege of spending time with children, free from the scheming and backstabbing that can often occur in other environments. This allows me to interact with them in a way that is pure and authentic. Additionally, I am fortunate to have winter and summer vacations, which provide me with the opportunity to travel to different places and gain insights into the customs and folkways of diverse cultures.

Regarding love and marriage, it is understandable that some people may be reluctant to get married if they have not yet met the person they want to marry. However, it is also important to recognize the value of finding someone who is a spiritual match through love.

Sisters often provide a sense of companionship and warmth within the family unit. While they may not always be physically present to offer company, they are always there for us when we need them, providing a shoulder to lean on when we are feeling tired or down.

I hope you will live a good life for the people who love you, and that one day you will also have the capacity to love them well in return. Love is a two-way ability: it is about accepting love and actively loving others. I hope you will all have the opportunity to experience this.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I'm Wei Zhi Peng from Yixinli. I am going to tell you about one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy. It is called systemic psychotherapy. The other three are psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy.

You see the world in a very pessimistic way. I have met people who think the same way.

This way of looking at the world has its advantages. It allows me to maintain a "just right" distance from other people. In case of bad luck and hurtful encounters, I'm prepared for them.

I don't know if you feel the same way.

You've taken this approach to the extreme, only making contact with your sister. This reduces the "what ifs" to a minimum. As long as you don't make contact with anyone other than your child, harm is almost impossible.

This comes at a price: loneliness. It's not easy, and it's very difficult. Over time, it can make you feel suffocated.

I believe you are concerned about being hurt in the process of building a relationship, just as you have developed a way of getting along with your parents.

The way you choose is the best way for you to get along with your parents. You don't need to deal with other people in this way. You can apply your experience of getting along with your children to your other social interactions.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

Hello! I've come downstairs to your question because I really want to help you. I hope these words can give you a little warmth and some help.

I can see from your question that you're feeling a bit down and helpless. If you'd like, I'd be happy to help you work through your feelings.

You're the second child in the family. In traditional families, kids in this position often feel ignored and like they don't get what they want from their parents. It can be really sad when you feel like your parents haven't really become the parents you thought they'd be. It can leave you with a deep wound in your heart. Maybe there are things from your childhood that you still can't forget and that weigh on you.

It's important to remember that there's also an underlying expectation that you can't let go of. But deep down, you feel that this expectation is unfair because you've already given up.

It's so lovely when you're with your students and you feel so happy. And it's also so sad when you can't find a friend to talk to when you turn on your phone. It's so moving when you get caught up in the emotions of a song when you listen to it. And it's so sweet when you like cats but have never owned one. Could all of this be an expression of your subconscious desire for warmth, companionship, and a sense of belonging? But this desire for love is also something that you are afraid to seek out or try because of the hurt you received from your parents. You have some deep-seated fears and disappointments about marriage and family.

I'm here for you, through the screen and following the words. I'm trying to feel your distress and also to convey understanding and warmth to you through my keyboard. If you're up for it, let's start with small attempts together.

1. You have a lovely writing style and are a wonderful teacher! Why not pick up a pen, choose a notebook you like, and write down your worries? In the process of pouring out your feelings in words, those pains will no longer be a part of you. They will stand opposite you, something you encountered, but not something you are deeply involved in. At this time, you will have the opportunity to see what they look like, their influence on you, and which ones are still unsolved and which ones you have the strength to break free from.

2. Embrace the joy of solitude. Spring is here, so why not go hiking, enjoy the beauty of nature, and communicate with it? You never know who you might meet along the way. Even if you don't know each other and don't say anything, the simple fact that you walked the same mountain trail together will warm your heart.

3. Marriage: When you haven't dealt with your inner wounds, you can let go of the pressure and there's no need to escape. Just let it be. Some people have opposite-sex friends, and that's fine. Marriage is just one way to live, not the only one. When the black hole in your heart is illuminated by light, you can then look at the meaning and the size of your need for marriage.

Take care of yourself, sweetheart. Every life is worth being treated well and cherished in the present, no matter what it has been through. The pain in our hearts, no matter how deep and how far away it is, is worth our attention, care, and healing.

Hello, question asker!

I'm really sorry, sweetheart, but I can't see what the problem is. I felt so bad after reading your words. You said you were the second child with an older sister. That means there were only two of you in the family. If there were only two of you, I would be surprised. That's just not right!

I had a similar thought. Perhaps you're talking about the second child, and there should be a third or fourth child in the family. If that's the case, you might be caught in the middle. If you really are caught in the middle, it's possible that your parents may not be able to take care of you with their time and energy, which might make you feel that way!

I totally agree with the first few lines you wrote!

My life has been a bit of a hiding game, I guess. As the second child in the family, I've never called my parents "mom" and "dad," and there's always been a little gap in my heart.

I can relate to feeling a bit lost sometimes. Let me use my imagination to speculate on what you are thinking. Are you talking about hiding and concealing? Is it because of family planning that you did not grow up with your parents and therefore never called them "mom" and "dad," and there has always been a gap in your heart?

If this is really the case, I completely understand your pain and give you a big, warm hug. It's really not easy for you, the little one, to go through this kind of life, and it's really painful. I don't want to say too much about your parents, but I think they are also unfortunate. You and they can also be said to be the unfortunate people of that era, and they are also suffering very much inside.

I saw this sentence you wrote:

When I was young, I really wanted to get close to you, but I slowly came to realize that no one listened to me or cared about what I had to say. I guess I just gave up and we didn't communicate or get close very often.

I can picture you when you were just a little kid, around three or four, or maybe five or six. You had such an innocent face! You were always trying to please your parents and longing for their love. I can imagine how disappointed you must have felt when you couldn't get it. I can just picture you sitting in a corner, grieving alone. It's not easy to hug that little child again.

I can't help but admire you more and more as I think about how hard your childhood was. I was so touched to read that you said others envied you for having a stable job as a teacher. I can't even imagine how you got through that period. It must have been so painful and helpless, but you were able to go to school and find a job as a teacher. I don't think I would have grown up easily, let alone been able to go to school, find a job, and become a teacher. You really have a very strong learning ability! I'm so proud of you!

I'm so impressed by how studious you were despite everything you were going through.

I can see that you have a very strong learning ability, which is great! But then I read on and saw that you said you would cry while grading children's homework, that you would also cry while listening to music, and that you even thought about ending it all. I wondered, if we have such a strong learning ability, shouldn't it be only positive thinking that makes us strong learners? And I also read that you are grateful that your students' children also bring you joy, and that your sister, whom you said has given your life meaning, is able to have such a good relationship with you. Sister, in the future, you will be free, living your own life. She is still your sister, especially now that everything is so convenient, and you can communicate in real time, even if you are far away, you can still meet. So how much can it change?

Based on what you've said, I have a few questions for you. Why do you feel a bit conflicted? We all feel conflicted sometimes, that's only natural. Sometimes our emotions get the better of us and we can't think straight. I want to get to know you better, so I'd like to understand that your current emotions are not the norm in your life. I'm sorry to hear you feel sad, but I'm here to listen and help if I can.

I'm not saying you'll definitely be sunny, see the meaning of life, or grow up and understand things. But I really want to encourage you to give it a try! We're born as human beings, and we only get this one shot at it. It's pretty amazing to think about, isn't it? Why not feel for yourself what it's like to like raising cats? You can especially like a cat, take good care of a cat, and see how the cat is doing. Or if you're in the mood, you can also ignore the cat and see how it looks instead. The choice is yours! You can observe the cat's behavior and your own mood!

And there's more! I just want to say that we are teachers!

Our emotions can affect the whole class. It's so important to understand how much influence a good teacher has on their students. Maybe some of your students also had an unhappy childhood like you did. It's so sad to think that they might be suffering like you did. Why not do your best to help them?

I want to help them because I know how painful it is to be in that kind of situation. I think we can use the methods we've come up with ourselves to make others suffer less.

I think the current double reduction is underway, which means this teaching goal is changing in the future. If you're also concerned, you know it'll change towards core literacy in the future. In other words, in the future, students will be treated as individuals, not as containers full of knowledge. Teaching is deepening and reforming, and I just want to say, since you were happy with your students in the past and you like and appreciate them, shouldn't we shift our energy towards teaching again in the future? Then adapt to this change, and anyway, what I want to express is to focus your energy on one area, while raising a cat, and then focus on teaching again, and try this way of life for a while.

I'm really looking forward to you getting a cat first! You said you have no one to chat with, but you can come here and chat. I think since you are a teacher and have your own salary, why not find a professional counselor on this platform and talk to them? I believe that you, with your learning ability, can definitely find a method that suits you. We are knowledgeable and educated, and we teach and educate people. We must make our lives complete!

I'm really excited to see new teachers emerge who are going to be great at teaching under the core competencies!

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your dilemma. First, I'd like to give you a warm hug.

The issue you faced was:

My life has been full of hiding and keeping to myself. As the second child in the family, I never called my parents "mom" and "dad," and there was always a gap in my heart. When I was a child, I wanted to get closer to them, but gradually I realized that no one listened to me or cared about what I had to say. I gave up trying to communicate with them. We rarely communicated or got close.

If there's still light in my life, it's my sister. She's given my life meaning, but she has her own life and we can't be together. It seems like I have a stable job, and I was happy with the students, and I'm grateful to them. But time has made me gradually confused. I don't feel any sense of happiness. Sometimes when I'm grading homework, I can't help but burst into tears. I think I'm probably sick and have the idea of ending it.

Sometimes I want to talk to someone, but when I open my phone, I can't find the right number. I lose my nerve and delete the chat box, and finally give up. I listen to music while crying. My elders will talk about getting married. They say that maybe living alone for a long time will make me feel this way.

I try to resist the idea of falling in love. I'm afraid of getting married. I guess I am a bit selfish. I like cats, but I've never owned one. I've never wanted children, and I've never even thought about a wedding. Wedding dresses look better on other people.

I don't regret a thing. I'm not ready to say goodbye. It was meant to be from the moment I was born.

A straightforward problem analysis

1. The questioner has never really called his mother "mommy," and there's a bit of a barrier in his heart. When he was a kid, he tried to get close to other people, but no one was really interested. This might be because when the questioner was a kid, his parents only focused on the material lives of themselves and their older siblings, but they didn't really consider that the questioner was also an independent person who needed emotional care.

But this is the downside of the parents' era, and it's tough to change. It's led to the questioner having a sensitive, vulnerable, insecure personality.

2. You rely on your sister, but she also has her own life and can't be there for you all the time. When you were a child, your sister was probably always there for you, giving you emotional comfort. Over time, your sister filled the role of your mother, and you developed a certain attachment to her.

3. I've had a partner, but it didn't last long. I haven't found someone who can see my vulnerability and trust me, and I feel like life is meaningless as a result. Being alone for too long makes you mentally exhausted, sensitive, and insecure. I'm afraid of getting married, but I'm just afraid of not being able to find someone warm to trust.

The questioner is just really cautious around most people and has a strong sense of boundaries. As a result, she feels that good things are fragile, she can't seem to find the meaning of her existence, she's afraid of her own love, and she has no idea where to turn.

The following analysis and solutions are provided:

(1) Take control of your emotions, accept yourself and your parents unconditionally, thank your sister from the bottom of your heart, and at the same time remind yourself that you will continue to move forward with your sister's love.

(2) Always love yourself, believe in yourself unconditionally, and be hopeful about life.

(3) Get rid of all the baggage from the past, start over, and make more friends.

(4) Stop wasting time on negative thoughts and start focusing on the positive.

(5) Take a break from your problems by traveling, running, working out, or reading.

(6) Look for ways to enrich your life. Having a busy schedule can make you feel better. For example, you could learn a new hobby, such as flower-growing or handicrafts.

(7) Forget the past, don't doubt your own value, and until you meet that special person, focus on improving yourself and becoming a better person.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best in moving on from this situation and finding love. The world is rooting for you!

Hello!

Host:

The post showed that the poster had a lot of emotions and secrets. The poster also showed courage in expressing his distress and seeking help. This will help him understand himself better.

Next, I will share my thoughts, which may help you understand yourself better.

Happiness comes from commitment.

From the post, I could tell that the poster liked to keep cats but had never done so. This reminded me of some of my own experiences.

My brother likes to keep small plants at home.

I didn't like it because I thought I couldn't take care of them. There was a drought in my hometown, and we had watermelons at home that needed watering.

I had to get involved. At first, I felt forced. Then I watered the watermelons every day until I noticed they changed. I became interested and felt things became interesting.

I felt alive and happy.

I went from not liking plants to being forced to take care of them, to putting effort into it. I felt the power of life, nourished, and happy. This made me realize that happiness is a by-product of dedication.

The host said they don't feel happy. Can they just do what they like? Maybe happiness will come then?

2. Tell your story.

The poster has had many painful stories. But she also said her sister is the light of her life.

She also mentioned her students and the happy times she spent with them.

One counselor records happy things in her daily life. In difficult times, she reads these things and feels empowered.

Sometimes, these lights in our lives are like flashlights in the dark. They may not shine very far, but as long as they shine on our feet, we can take each step with confidence.

The host's life may be painful, but there is also a positive side. We can change how we see things and feel better.

3. Try to forgive the past.

If we feel many different emotions, how can we be happy? What can we do?

It means letting go of the past. There is a saying in psychology that pain is a choice.

If we take responsibility for our lives, emotions, and happiness, we often try to reconcile with the past.

Reconciliation is not about forgiving others. It's about understanding that you are responsible for your own happiness.

I hope these words help the poster. I am Zeng Chen, a certified psychosynthesis coach.

Hello, question asker!

1. Description of the problem:

The text describes your parents as indifferent and neglectful, which paints a picture of a childhood full of possibilities. There was little interaction between you, which means you had the freedom to explore and discover the world around you.

You didn't even want to call your parents "mom" and "dad," as if you didn't recognize them as parents. There is a sense of sadness in your writing, but it's also a sense of adventure!

Your sister was the only source of warmth in your family, but she eventually had her own life, which was another opportunity for growth. When you are depressed, you can't find the right person to talk to or rely on, so you can only listen to songs and cry.

You're not one to take things too seriously, and you're not looking for a serious relationship just yet. You like cats, but you've never owned one — yet!

The text says, "It was destined from the moment of birth." What I would love for you to think about is what this birth order means to you as the second child in the family.

2. Problem analysis:

As a child, you longed for closeness from your parents, but you didn't get it. This was a difficult experience for a child whose parents are the world to them. But you eventually gave up, and that's okay!

This early interpersonal relationship has had a profound impact on the trajectory of your subsequent interpersonal relationships. Even as an adult, you still have the opportunity to learn and grow from your experiences in relationships.

"My sister has her own life after all, and that's great! We can't be together," "I like cats but I've never owned one," "I lost and deleted in the chat box and finally gave up," "a wedding dress looks better on someone else." This series of descriptions makes me feel your unease about establishing an intimate relationship, and even your active abandonment of it.

You seem to long for intimacy, and you're ready to trust and rely on others! You're ready to let go of your fear of being hurt. Your sister was the person you clung to, and her presence made your life meaningful.

However, your childhood experiences and interactions with your parents have shaped your views on intimate relationships in a really fascinating way. Our ideas about interpersonal relationships and whether or not we can trust others come from our interactions with our caregivers when we were children. Depending on whether we are lucky or unlucky, we either move towards trusting or fearful intimate relationships.

I think this may be the meaning of "being the second child in the family" in your understanding. What it represents is perhaps the attitude of your parents towards your upbringing, which is really interesting!

The good news is that we can still walk the path towards trusting intimacy with the help and support of our future companions. Intimacy can increase our sense of well-being and satisfy our need for belonging.

3. Problem suggestions:

1. Go for it! Express yourself and believe that there is a way to get a response to your expectations.

2. Go for it! Try to trust others and establish a deeper emotional connection with them. You'll be amazed at how a relationship that makes you feel a sense of belonging, or being in a group with a sense of belonging, will make you feel that your existence and actions are meaningful and can have an impact on others.

3. In interpersonal relationships, it's important to remember that the other person is not your parent, and you are not a child. It's not the child's fault if the parents are neglectful and indifferent.

The good news is that we still have a choice and can lead a different life. You can choose a relationship that gives you a good response, or you can be the one guiding the other person to respond to you.

We are free! We have choices! And we can work hard to shape relationships to be exactly what we want them to be.

I really hope that past experiences won't become a burden for you. Instead, I hope they'll become an amazing opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and to experience a different kind of intimacy!

Thank you so much for your question! I wish you all the best!

I can tell that you're going through a lot right now. It seems like your heart is full of confusion, and your words are overflowing with emotion. As the second child in the family, you may have felt ignored since you were young. It's possible that no one else has realized how different you are.

And you've also become aware of all the hiding and concealment in life. I'm sure a lot of discomfort has already appeared in your life. You've never even called your parents "mom" and "dad," and perhaps there is also a distance between you and your parents.

And afterwards, there was no motivation to try to get close to them. And your sister usually can't be with you all the time. She also has her own life to live, and that's a good thing! You also have your own very stable job and your own students.

Don't worry, we don't need to expect too much. It's actually really good to be able to live your life in the present. I totally get why you're feeling confused. It can be really hard to lose so much happiness all at once. I know you're crying because you're feeling unsure about love and marriage. It's totally normal to feel this way.

It's okay if you've already experienced some negative and depressive emotions. We all feel that way sometimes! I recommend that you seek professional psychological counseling to help you sort through your recent confusion. It is difficult to feel happy when you are depressed, so it is necessary to sort through your emotions. As a professional heart exploration coach, I would also recommend that you read emotional grooming books including "Self-Control: Making Friends with Stress," "I Overcame Depression," "Awareness Cognitive Therapy for Depression," and "The Devil at Noon: Depression is a Secret We All Share." You've got this!

ZQ?