I don't know why, but whenever I see homework, I want to study, and that makes me feel so miserable that I want to cry.

Hello! You have a question?

Give a hug!

You feel depression/a-16-year-old-boy-why-has-he-been-feeling-guilty-and-insecure-recently-for-a-year-14554.html" target="_blank">guilty and like an idiot when you study. You have bad memories and feel scared to start studying. You're still studying hard and getting results, but you don't feel happy about it. You still feel like you're the worst.

Even when I'm not studying, I feel bad and get anxious. I used to resist studying because I had depression and physical illnesses. My parents thought that taking me to the doctor would affect my studies and be a waste of money. I read online that a psychologist said I should relax more, so I didn't want to study.

"But not studying is also very anxiety-provoking. I get nervous when I study. I don't know exactly why, but it's hard for me."

You have achieved results after persevering with your studies. However, you cannot feel happy about those results because learning makes you feel fearful and anxious.

Fear comes from the past. It may be that you gave up playing games to study, so you hate learning. One of my students said that his parents made him go to English classes, so he hates English.

Then, you worry about doing well next time. This is anxiety.

Anxiety is about the future.

These two emotions are not in the present. Believe in yourself, know that the past is over, and that anxiety is uncertain. Then, calm down and appreciate the present moment.

I love you!

I have seen your problem and I feel for you. I am going to discuss with you the main problems you are facing based on my analysis and understanding.

You are a student, but it is not clear what level you are at. From your description, I know you should be in junior high school or high school. You have to do homework, study, and understand the importance of learning, so you are still trying hard. You just can't calm down and study.

You said that every time you do your homework, you think about your dark past and your bad memories. So I want to know exactly what this dark past is. If you think about it every time you do your homework, then I am certain that this dark past you are talking about is related to your studies.

You need to figure out what this dark history is and why you can't let go of it.

It is painful and frightening to start learning or even think about learning. However, you are persevering with your studies and have goals.

This shows you are willing to learn, despite external factors affecting your progress. You have a clear goal in learning and have achieved results. However, you consistently underestimate your abilities, which is a lack of self-confidence and self-deprecation. Your dark past is likely a significant factor here.

You need to clarify your dark history. What exactly is it?

You resisted learning for a period of time. You said you had depression and many physical illnesses, but your parents were unwilling to treat you for fear of the cost. This resistance to learning is a symptom of depression. Depression can also cause resistance to learning because it causes a person to lose interest in people and things.

You don't feel well, but your parents won't take you to the doctor. It's not that they don't want to, it's that they don't think you have a problem. They just don't understand you!

You need to tell your parents how you feel. Tell them about your dark past, your reluctance to study despite wanting to, and your physical illness.

I have a few suggestions that I believe will help resolve the above problems.

You must tell your parents, friends, or even online friends about your dark history. You can also tell me. Talking about it will help you feel less anxious and afraid. If you can discuss your dark history with your parents, friends, or online friends, you will know whether it is truly dark history or whether it has caused serious harm. You may have committed unforgivable offenses or even called the police. As long as you can get rid of the dark history that has been weighing on your mind for many years, your ambivalent feelings about learning will improve a lot. Your dark history is affecting your learning, growth, and life. You must resolve it quickly, or it will affect you for the rest of your life.

You have a learning goal and can learn well, so work hard and study hard around it. Put aside all unpleasant things, temporarily reconcile with your dark past, reconcile with yourself, and learn to get your studies going. Then, your knowledge and experience will change. When your brain is occupied with knowledge, your worries and dark past will no longer hide in your heart. They will gradually withdraw from your life and consciousness with the passage of time.

You must never hide or keep quiet about physical illness. You are still a student, so you must tell your parents if you feel unwell somewhere in your body. Let your parents take you to the hospital for a check-up, find the cause of the illness, and treat it accordingly. Once the physical illness is cured, the psychological problems will also go away. Your troubles will also be over without you having to do anything.

Dear child, I am here to tell you that you can emerge from this gloom. You can say goodbye to the darkness and start living a good life.

Hello, dear question asker!

I can totally empathize with you after reading your question. I've got a few tips that might help:

Learn to enjoy the joy of learning! Curiosity is also a kind of desire, and the satisfaction of desires should bring a sense of happiness. So enjoy the joy and happiness of learning!

You said you're still studying hard, you have goals, and you've seen results after studying hard. You've achieved something by studying, so let yourself feel proud of that! Praise and affirm yourself, and share the joy with friends and family when you're ready.

It's so important to learn to increase your level of self-reflection. As the questioner said, "It's especially painful and frightening when I start studying or think about studying, but I don't know what I'm afraid of."

It's totally normal to have inner conflicts. It just means you're a complex human being! Self-reflection is a great way to understand your real self and your ideal self. When you know yourself better, you can express yourself more harmoniously and consistently. You'll be in line with your own values, and that's a great feeling!

It's a great idea to learn to distinguish clearly between your studies and any conflicts you might have. It's also a good plan to keep yourself busy, find things that are as meaningful as your studies, devote all your energy to them, and focus your attention on these things. In addition, it's a good idea to set aside some dedicated time to consider any conflicting thoughts you might have.

It's so important to learn to understand society. Your parents may not be able to give you effective support and assistance for the time being due to some special internal and external reasons, but that does not mean they have completely rejected you. You have to understand them and take positive action. I am so happy to see that you are already using the Yixinli platform to seek psychological help. You should definitely make good use of the necessary psychological assessments and counseling (which are inexpensive or even free) on the platform. So understand that society and your parents still care about and pay attention to you, it's just that the timing and methods are different. So, be confident!

Everything is going to be just fine!

I really hope this helps a little bit!

Good day. I extend my sincerest sympathies and offer my support in the form of a 360-degree hug.

From your brief question, I can see that you are suffering, stressed, and uncomfortable. You mentioned that you have previously experienced depression and physical illness, but your parents believe that seeking medical attention will negatively impact your studies and be a financial burden.

However, you have expressed a desire to pursue treatment. In particular, the online psychologist recommended relaxation, yet the current state of affairs and the atmosphere within your family are likely contributing to a sense of tension, which in turn may be negatively impacting your ability to study.

As previously stated, the current situation reflects a shift in your desired treatment and communication style with your parents.

The situation appears to be more severe than previously observed. You express distress when presented with your homework or required to study. Could this be an attempt to garner parental attention in a manner that exacerbates your discomfort, with the hope that they will provide the desired parental affection and take the initiative to inform you and arrange an appointment?

To summarize, are you causing yourself distress, discomfort, and even impeding your own future prospects? Are you seeking parental affection by retaliating against your parents for neglecting you, or by appearing dependent on them?

Without further information regarding your age, your relationship with your parents, and your patterns of interaction, especially when you were a child, it is challenging to provide more tailored advice.

From my experience, these symptoms are developed for a specific internal purpose, with the goal of addressing a particular issue. They serve as functional tools, akin to weapons, in addressing and overcoming challenges.

Given the limited information provided, I recommend scheduling an appointment with a counselor.

Your ability to learn is not impaired, but there is a barrier preventing you from engaging in the learning process.

You referenced homework and studies in your inquiry, indicating you are currently enrolled in an academic institution. Many high schools and universities now offer free psychological counseling services. You may inquire with your school about these resources. The health department, such as the Health Commission, also provides some free public welfare counseling services.

All of these resources are available for your use.

I am an occasionally positive and motivated counselor who is often both Buddhist and depressed. I extend my best wishes to you and the world.

Hello, question asker!

When I saw your topic, I felt like you were a child hiding in a dark corner, crying. It was sunny outside, but you were trapped and unable to take that step. It seems like one idea has been on your mind for a long time, and you're caught in a vicious circle trying to find an answer!

You say that every time you do your homework, you think about your past "dark history," self-criticism, self-attack, and the resulting entanglement and conflicts. Maybe this is why you're afraid of studying! Because studying requires quietness, and when you quiet down, you'll think about those past "dark histories," and then you'll feel self-blame and self-attack.

This is completely contrary to the "learning goals and tasks" you set for yourself, so you're caught in a state of internal conflict, allowing yourself to remain stuck in a cycle of confusion and contradiction. If you continue like this, you'll definitely exhaust yourself and feel powerless.

I'd like to ask the questioner to answer a few questions.

If you keep thinking about your dark history, it'll definitely have a different meaning for you! Can you think of something else that they've helped or inspired you with?

After thinking about it, do you feel any different?

You said you were depressed and had a lot of health issues, but you still managed to study, set goals, and achieve some success!

We all know that learning isn't easy. You've been able to persevere and achieve success despite your difficult circumstances. How did you do it? I hope you can reflect on this seriously and give yourself a big hug!

I'd also like to ask the questioner to think about this: is there ever a time when this "fear, fear" isn't there? Or when it isn't that serious?

Can you tell me what you did at the time? What happened, and will this "fear and terror" become less or less severe?

What did you do at the time? How can you reduce your fear and anxiety in the future?

You mentioned you're dealing with depression and other health issues. Have you been diagnosed by a medical professional? You also said your parents are concerned about the financial impact of delays in your studies. Is that truly the case?

Have you talked to your parents about this? What are their thoughts on the matter?

If you're having trouble communicating with your parents, you can talk to them about how you're feeling. It's important to communicate with your parents about your current psychological state.

Get their understanding and take you to the hospital for a check-up! From what you've said, it seems like your parents still care about your studies. You could tell them that if you keep feeling this way, it'll affect your studies.

You've left a message here because you want to feel better! Absolutely, this is a great idea!

Many teachers here, or people online with similar experiences, can help you from different angles.

For instance, every school has a counseling room where you can chat with a counselor about your situation and get some help. You can also call the counseling hotline at Yixinli.

There are also public psychological hotlines in every city these days. You can call and talk about your issues, and I'm sure you'll get professional support and help!

I hope my reply will be helpful to the original poster. :-) Best of luck to the original poster!

Hello, my dear child. I really hope that my answer can be of some help to you.

Hugging you, I feel your tension and discomfort, but also your helplessness and confusion about what you are afraid of. Don't worry, take your time. I truly believe that as long as we persist in exploring, we will definitely be able to understand ourselves better and see why we are so miserable doing homework. At the same time, we can slowly establish a positive connection with learning.

We're here to help! Here's our advice:

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help. Let's start by accepting yourself. Then, let's go back to your growth experience and find out what you are specifically afraid of.

It's totally understandable to feel this way. It's not easy to pinpoint exactly what we're afraid of. Our bodies have a way of protecting us by making us forget specific things, but the feelings and emotions we've experienced are still there, lurking in our subconscious. If we don't confront them and acknowledge them, they can really take a toll on our well-being. But don't worry, you can start by simply remembering when you last felt this way, what happened at the time, and what you were thinking.

And the time before that? And the time before that?

And so on, until you reach the time you can no longer go back to. That's the time you experienced what you experienced, what you were afraid of, and what you thought.

That's your answer!

And there's more good news! We can also deal with painful events, unpleasant experiences, and some negative emotions in a really effective way.

1. It's so important to embrace that fear rather than avoiding it or resisting it. There's a law that governs everything in this world (beginning, change, end), and these feelings are part of that. The purpose is for you to experience it (experience, perceive, experience) in a positive way.

If you never experience it, it will always be in a state of flux and never end. So, go ahead and experience it, but without any value judgments.

2. "Define boundaries" for your fear: Take a moment to observe how much influence this fear has on you and how much space it occupies in your life.

3. Be honest with yourself. Tell yourself, "This is not who I am. This is just an emotion that I'm feeling. Emotions don't define me, and they can't represent everything about me."

4. Let go of fear: Picture yourself standing outside of it, looking in at the fear from a distance.

5. Let's turn off the attention to "fear" together! Let's let "fear" end its influence on you.

If you do this exercise often enough, you will gradually be able to detach yourself from the fear. It might take a little while, but you will get there! Before you know it, it will have less and less of an impact on you, until it disappears.

2. Let go of comparisons with others. Each of us has our own strengths, and that's a good thing! Just because someone else is better at something doesn't mean we are not good at it. They have their areas of strength, and we have our own areas of brilliance.

You say that studying hard does have results, but you can't be happy about those results, and you still feel that you are the worst and that everyone else is better than you. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and that's okay! When we compare ourselves to others, we always see the strengths of others and the shortcomings of ourselves. This can sometimes lead to low self-esteem and a feeling of being bad, but it's important to remember that everyone has their own unique set of skills and abilities.

But the truth is, we're all good in our own ways. You can ask anyone you think is better than you, and they'll probably feel a bit envious of some of your strengths.

So, comparison usually brings us stress, inferiority, and jealousy. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes! But, it's really helpful to let go of comparison, return to yourself, and view yourself comprehensively. This helps you to fully understand and know yourself, seeing both your shortcomings and your strengths. We don't need to compare ourselves to others, because everyone is different and unique. We can compare ourselves to our past selves, to see if we have improved a little today compared to yesterday, and if we have grown a little compared to yesterday.

It's so important to take a moment every day to reflect on your growth and progress. When you do this, you'll start to recognize your own strengths and values, which will make you feel more confident and like yourself.

3. Connect happy experiences with learning and homework so that you'll have a positive association. Over time, when you think about learning, you'll have more happy experiences than painful feelings.

Have you ever heard of Pavlov's experiment on conditioned reflexes? It's a fascinating example of how our minds work! When a bell is associated with food, the dog will salivate when it hears the bell without seeing the food. This shows that the dog has associated eating with the bell. Isn't that amazing?

Similarly, since learning can sometimes be a bit scary, it's important to create lots of happy memories and experiences along the way. This way, learning can be combined with pleasure!

For example, you can play some relaxing music while you study. You can have a cup of tea or another drink that you like. You can create a pleasant learning environment. You can give yourself a reward after studying for a while, such as eating a small cake or fruit that you like. When you finish studying for the day, you can put a tick in the list of your study plan, affirming your efforts and dedication. You can praise yourself and give yourself a big reward after completing a period of study tasks. You can have a big meal when you have memorized one ancient poem every day for a month in a row, for example.

When you can gradually build up positive experiences when learning, you'll love learning more, enjoy the process of learning, and feel the joy of learning!

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

Greetings, question asker. My name is Evan.

Firstly, it is important to express support for the questioner. Having experienced depression myself, I empathise with the questioner's situation. It is likely that the questioner's parents did not believe that seeking psychiatric help was a worthwhile use of money, which must have been a challenging belief to hold. It is understandable that the questioner feels that they are undeserving of love. Despite this, the questioner still feels compelled to study hard, aligning themselves with their parents' views on education. It is evident that the questioner is struggling to reconcile their internal beliefs with their external circumstances.

There are methods to mitigate the issues of learning anxiety and depression. It is not necessary to force oneself to study; instead, one can endeavor to identify a subject that piques one's interest, such as books on how to address one's own psychological challenges or how to interact with one's family of origin.

As this is a psychological platform, I can only offer the questioner some basic advice on the issue of internal motivation to study. It is my hope that this will prove helpful to the questioner.

It is essential to confront the influence that parents have on you.

What is the impact of parents on the questioner? What impact does a parent who constantly demands that the questioner study have on the questioner?

The influence of parental expectations regarding academic performance can result in a pervasive sense of inadequacy and a lack of self-worth, particularly when the individual attempts to disengage from these expectations. This can manifest as feelings of anxiety and depression.

The questioner may attempt to identify these emotions independently and determine their source. An analysis of these emotions may be conducted to ascertain which ones are influenced by parental control.

It is important for the child to recognize that some of these thoughts are influenced by the original family, akin to a drop of ink in water, which gives rise to these negative thoughts. Once this is understood, the child can then assess whether these thoughts are beneficial in the present context or merely a means of expressing inner emotions.

It is essential to comprehend the rationale behind the parents' actions and their impact on the child.

One might inquire as to why parents adopt such a stance towards their children. Could it be that societal pressures have led them to believe that the most effective way for their child to contribute to society is through academic achievement? Is it possible that they have internalized the notion that academic pursuits supersede all other considerations? The manner in which parents interact with their children is often shaped by the communication patterns observed within their own families.

This pattern is imprinted in their hearts and will manifest in the family they form. It is possible that reading is the most important thing to them, and that other feelings and emotions will improve over time, as they did when they were young.

It is beneficial to comprehend the rationale behind one's parents' actions. This can facilitate the release of emotions, promote a more composed demeanor, and enhance overall well-being.

The questioner thus has an understanding of the origin of the parents' behavioral patterns. It is also possible for the questioner to understand that parents are constrained by the behavioral patterns they have inherited from their own families and that these patterns are employed in the treatment of their children. It is also possible that parents are unable to realize themselves, and that they may be in need of sympathy. Frequently, parents adhere to the traditional concept that "all kinds of learning are high," and they make strict demands on their children.

This is why, in many contemporary families, parents consistently prioritize academic achievement over other aspects of their children's lives. However, they are often unaware that, in the modern era, emotional well-being is also a crucial aspect of a child's development.

It is important to accept your parents' views.

It is important to recognize that the child is unable to alter the behavior or thoughts of the parents. This is a fundamental reality that must be accepted. Despite the inability of the child or the parents to control the feelings and thoughts of the other, they can modify their attitude towards each other. This, in turn, can influence the other's attitude towards the child.

It is important to recognize that expecting immediate change from one's parents is unlikely. The perception that the current focus is on academic pursuits may not be entirely accurate, but it is a valid interpretation held by both parents. Effecting change in others is inherently challenging, particularly when they are not open to self-reflection or willing to alter their stance. Ultimately, the capacity for transformation lies with them.

It is important to learn to express one's emotions.

The emotional indifference and strict requirements of the parents towards the questioner have caused harm to the questioner, which the questioner can release in an appropriate way. It should be noted that releasing is not about the questioner confronting their parents, which is considered unfilial in Chinese culture and will not be conducive to maintaining a good relationship with their parents in the future.

The individual may choose to engage in physical activity or hobbies as a means of releasing negative emotions. Following the release of these emotions, the individual's mood will gradually return to a state of calm. To prevent the onset of depression and other illnesses associated with prolonged negative emotional states, it is essential for the individual to develop effective coping mechanisms for managing and expressing their negative emotions. This will help to reduce the influence of parental factors on the individual's emotional state.

It is recommended that each day be approached with a positive mindset.

It is recommended that each day begin with a positive attitude. Upon waking, it is advised to consider five positive aspects of the day ahead.

Such positive occurrences may include listening to a pleasant song, watching an engaging film, enjoying delicious food, or learning something new yesterday. It is beneficial to reflect on these experiences and verbalize them aloud to foster a constructive outlook at the start of the day.

A positive mindset serves as the foundation for initiating a new day, effectively impeding the establishment of negative emotional states.

One may feel self-conscious about vocalizing positive affirmations, yet research indicates that verbalizing these statements can enhance one's conviction in them. This can lead to an increase in positive affect, enhanced focus, and a reduction in negative thinking.

It is recommended that you set your own goals.

It is recommended that students set themselves a goal, whether it be in regard to their studies or otherwise. They should consider what they hope to achieve through this goal.

One must ascertain which of the following is the primary objective: the recognition of others, the building of self-confidence, or the desire to catch up with one's classmates' learning progress. Once this has been determined, a detailed action plan should be created.

It is important to follow one's own pace, create an action plan, and not be unduly influenced by the opinions and thoughts of others. It is essential to pursue one's own plan and to reward oneself once the goal has been achieved. Gradually achieving small learning goals and rewarding oneself will form a positive internal driving force, which will enable the learner to restore their motivation to learn.

It is recommended that you seek external assistance.

Should the aforementioned approach prove ineffective, it is imperative to seek external assistance from a qualified psychologist or counselor for psychological intervention. It is recommended to attempt to articulate the nature of these negative emotions to these professionals. It is advised to speak openly and candidly, as these interventions are confidential, and honesty is of the utmost importance.

It is essential to articulate with precision the manner in which these negative emotions affect the individual, to delineate the typical characteristics of such emotions, and to elucidate the individual's response to them. Should the need arise, it is advisable to maintain consistent communication with the aforementioned professionals until such negative emotions no longer exert an influence on the individual.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.