I don't like my job, and I hate my life and my family...

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of suppression and resentment. You aspire to emancipate yourself from the constraints of your family of origin and attain physical and mental autonomy. The challenges and adversities you are currently confronting will serve as your inner motivating force for personal growth.

You indicated that you were raised in a family where your parents provided comprehensive care and support, which you perceived as a source of positive emotional well-being. When parents express concerns or dissatisfaction, what are the underlying motivations?

Parents express concern about their own aging and the possibility of being unable to accompany their children indefinitely. They experience a complex emotional state, encompassing both worry and tenderness, when they observe their offspring engaged in strenuous work and returning home at a later hour.

Or are your expectations related to your ability to take charge of your own work and life? However, parents who are unable to express themselves effectively tend to express their dissatisfaction through complaining, which can evoke feelings of sadness.

Upon returning home from a demanding workday, what type of response do you anticipate from your parents? Do you hope for their care and support?

Even if it is merely being present for the individual without offering any verbal communication, it is possible to resolve the issue. When an individual discloses their dissatisfaction with their current occupational and personal circumstances, it is valuable to consider what changes could be beneficial. What would be an optimal work situation for the individual, and what are their expectations for their future life and family?

Once a clear vision of one's preferences has been established, it is essential to consider the steps that can be taken to align one's current circumstances with that vision. This process of aligning one's reality with one's aspirations can lead to a more fulfilling, successful, and happy life.

Ultimately, it is my hope that you will achieve inner abundance and freedom through a process of continuous self-exploration and self-growth.

Hello question asker!

Your heart isn't feeling well. I admire you for being aware, reflecting, and facing the problem bravely.

I don't know what made you realize this. Was it sudden, or had it been there before? Try to notice when you don't have this realization.

What would be different without this feeling?

The questioner's family had a big impact on them. Parents often have a big impact on us. We didn't get enough strength when we needed it most, but we can change this feeling through our own efforts.

The questioner is unhappy with their current situation and feels powerless and tired. Is that right?

I want you to enjoy it. What does your ideal life look like? What will you do to achieve it?

What will you feel when you achieve your goals? Who will notice your change?

I don't know the situation, so I'll give suggestions to help the questioner feel better.

Adjust your mentality and build self-confidence.

The questioner is confused, anxious, and helpless. To escape this state, the questioner needs to adjust their mindset and build self-confidence. What do you think, questioner?

Meditate to adjust your mindset. Ask yourself what you want and what you can do.

Focus on your strengths and love yourself.

Because family reasons can make us less confident, we should focus on our own strengths. We should learn to love ourselves. Only then will others love us. What do you think?

③ Release bad emotions

Everyone has different emotions, which is normal. But if you have bad emotions for a long time, they can harm your body. So you need to learn to deal with bad emotions.

You can exercise more, travel, or find someone to talk to.

④ Positive mental suggestion

Psychological studies have shown that if you give yourself a positive suggestion, it will affect your behavior and motives. This can help you avoid being influenced by others and doubt yourself.

Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself, "You are the best!" You have infinite potential and will eventually shine!

"With this kind of positive suggestion, you will believe you are the best.

⑤ Get help from a counselor or learn about psychology.

If you can't resolve the issue yourself, you can seek help from a professional counselor. They can help you explore the root cause of the problem, listen to you, and create a safe environment. Alternatively, you can learn about psychology to help yourself.

Read the book Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist. It might help.

It's okay to come here and realize you need help. You're already on the path to change. Life will heal you if you're willing to be healed. Don't give up!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my concern about your situation. It seems that you are facing a number of challenges, including high levels of work pressure and a lack of support from your parents. This has led to feelings of loneliness and depression, which have manifested in physical symptoms such as insomnia and low mood. I believe that these issues can be addressed through professional support. I am available to discuss further and explore ways to improve your situation. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

It is not uncommon for individuals in similar circumstances to experience feelings of depression and frustration. However, your decision to seek professional psychological assistance demonstrates courage and determination to address these issues. We can now begin to address the points you have raised. Please take some time to reflect on them and observe any changes in your perspective.

1. Identity integration. "I am experiencing a sense of depression and a lack of direction or meaning in my life."

Erikson's theory of personality development indicates that you are currently experiencing difficulties with your sense of identity and are exploring the meaning of life, which is commonly referred to as the need for identity integration. During adolescence (approximately between the ages of 12 and 20), a core issue is the development of self-identity. This is often reflected in the conscious answer to the question "Who am I?" The conflict at this stage is confusion about identity and roles. Adolescents have a new way of observing and thinking about the world around them. They often consider what kind of person they really are and gradually come to understand themselves through the attitudes of others towards them and the various social roles they play.

At this stage, they gradually move away from their parents, becoming less dependent on them, and form close relationships with their peers. This allows them to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and establish an internal sense of continuity between their past, present, and future. They also begin to recognize the similarities and differences between themselves and others in terms of appearance and personality. Understanding the relationship between their present and future in social life is what is meant by identity, i.e., psychosocial identity.

An understanding of one's identity can facilitate self-awareness and interpersonal relationships, enabling a smooth transition into adulthood. However, a lack of clarity regarding one's identity may lead to inconsistencies between self-perception and external perceptions, or result in a lack of recognition of the correlation between effort and outcomes.

In addition, confusion about identity may manifest as an inability to distinguish between the roles of leaders and subordinates, which can result in either antagonistic emotions or blind obedience. Furthermore, confusion about identity may also occur in gender issues, where individuals may fail to recognize the similarities and differences between the two sexes.

Therefore, young people often feel uncertain about their identity, seek to understand their role in the social environment, and contemplate their future development pathways.

There are three levels at which you can explore yourself.

(1) The personal level: Getting to know yourself. Record your various identities, including employee, classmate, child at home, gender, age, interests, specialties, etc. This information provides a comprehensive understanding of your identity and the context in which you operate. Reflect on the experiences and emotions associated with each of these identities.

All of these identities and feelings contribute to the formation of a comprehensive sense of self, which enables individuals to interact with and navigate the world in a manner that aligns with their self-perception and self-recognition.

(2) At the level of social connection with others, learn how to interact with people and improve social skills. Connecting with others is to interact with each other as individuals. For example, in a work environment, interactions between colleagues are mainly for the purpose of completing tasks more effectively. Colleagues support each other, and if they have similar interests, they may become friends.

In the family environment, when interacting with your parents, you are a child, and both you and your parents are at different stages of development. People change, but relationships remain the same. For example, if your parents keep treating you like a child, a grown-up child will naturally feel oppressed. It can be seen that you particularly hope to gain your parents' understanding and support to make the relationship more harmonious. At the same time, your willingness to make friends and keep pets is the driving force behind your desire for connection.

Consider implementing minor alterations to foster enhanced connections within existing relationships.

(3) At the level of position and responsibility in society, cultivate a sense of civic awareness and responsibility. This may entail demonstrating concern for the broader societal good, engaging in community activities, upholding social standards, and contemplating one's role within the larger social and political landscape. Such an approach can facilitate the development of a more nuanced understanding of one's identity and potential contributions.

These three levels represent the integrated elements of self-identity. It is recommended that you attempt to feel and record more, and combine them with specific life experiences to summarize and organize them. This can assist you in integrating yourself effectively and gaining a deeper understanding of who you are, your position in society, your capabilities and aspirations, your responsibilities, and your ideal associations. When your self-awareness becomes clearer, you may have clearer goals and motivation to explore more relationships and achievements, such as intimate relationships.

2. How to respond to feedback from others. You work very hard, but you are consistently criticized by your father and subjected to excessive monitoring by your mother. This has led to feelings of resentment towards your family.

It is clear that parental love provides a sense of security and belonging. However, when a child returns home and seeks comfort and encouragement, but is consistently criticized by their parents, it can lead to feelings of frustration, loss of confidence, and difficulty in generating positive emotions. In such an environment, how can we effectively address negative comments from others?

It is important to understand that evaluations are based on expectations. For instance, if an individual receives the same test score, one person may hope to achieve full marks and be disappointed with 80 points, while another person's original expectation is to pass and 80 points greatly exceed their own expectations, leading to a positive outcome. Similarly, if a parent displays criticism and nagging behavior, it may be due to high expectations of their child and a desire for them to excel.

Each individual is solely responsible for their own expectations. As an independent entity, your objective is to assume responsibility for your expectations and become the person you aspire to be.

It is possible to respond to feedback from others by asking what their expectations are. When you understand the expectations of the other person behind their comments and feel that you are not responsible for their expectations, you will become less sensitive to external comments and less likely to be disappointed. For example, if you have considered what kind of person you want to be and what kind of work you want to do, and have goals and concrete plans for your life, then your parents' expectations of you are just for reference and do not play a decisive role.

It is important to express your refusal to meet the expectations of others in a clear and concise manner. Individuals who are close to us often have a tendency to comment on themselves, which can easily lead to stress. Therefore, it is essential to maintain a certain psychological distance to avoid being oppressed. It is necessary to express your refusal to be evaluated. If you are concerned that being too assertive may hurt their feelings, you can express it in an indirect manner, such as explaining the work you have been busy with recently, your future plans, etc. It is important to clearly communicate your needs to your parents and seek their support. I believe your parents will understand you.

3. Intimacy vs. loneliness. You have indicated that you lack friends outside of your immediate circle and even have difficulty purchasing basic items for your puppy. It appears that you have an inherent desire to connect. The psychological characteristics of individuals in their early twenties are at the developmental stage of forming intimate relationships and require a sense of intimacy, including love and friendship.

If an individual is unable to share positive and negative experiences with others, or to engage in mutual support and assistance, they are likely to experience feelings of isolation and unhappiness. It is natural to seek companionship and emotional connection. Developing personal interests and hobbies, forming connections with individuals who share similar interests and hobbies, and even seeking a romantic partner can help to foster a sense of belonging and intimacy.

Regarding the decision to purchase dog food, I believe that once you determine who has the authority to make decisions regarding your own life, you will also be able to make decisions regarding the care of your dog.

4. Insomnia: Could you please elaborate on the severity of your sleeping condition?

It appears that you may be experiencing some lack of confidence, and that your work performance may be affected. If you are sleeping less than five or six hours per night for more than three days per week, it would be advisable to seek a medical evaluation from the psychiatric department of a top-level hospital. Once your sleep issue is resolved, you will likely experience an improvement in your overall well-being and perspective.

It is important to note that everyone will experience different life issues and special conflicts at different stages. It is essential to face these challenges, sort them out, and find solutions. When we have a deeper and deeper understanding of our own needs, feelings, and expectations, and a unified and integrated understanding of our identity in society, we can successfully integrate our identity. This integration allows us to feel that we are in harmony with our various identities, and we can confidently and freely be in various relationships. We will have the ability to maintain close relationships and friendships, but also be alone in solitude. We will be able to distinguish between our own expectations and those of others, not be controlled by evaluations, nor control others, and develop according to our own set goals, living in harmony with the world.