I don't want to live like this. I want a divorce, but I've been putting up with it for the sake of the kids. What should I do?

Hello.

You seem disappointed and helpless in this marriage. There's a gap between what you expect and what you experience. You've tried to communicate with your husband, but he hasn't responded positively. For the sake of your children, you've been putting up with it, but it must be hard for you. I'm here for you.

The original poster wants a divorce but is staying with her husband for the sake of the children. You've tried to communicate with your husband, but he just plays games when he gets home.

Men and women think differently. Men are usually straightforward, but they often overlook things. We need to tell our husbands directly that we need comfort.

Men and women think differently. Men are usually straightforward but often overlook things. We need to tell our husbands directly that we need comfort. Sometimes it's better to be straightforward and release the emotions that have been building up for a long time.

As a woman, I understand that we need to be understood.

You love your husband and have expectations of him. We often say, "Expectations go hand in hand with love."

A judge sees a lot of couples in court. Many are not out of love, but lack wisdom and experience in managing their relationships.

I hope you can talk to your husband again and tell him how you feel.

If you can't communicate and you're unhappy, you may feel like it's torture. You may want to temporarily separate before rethinking your relationship.

If you feel lonely and unloved, it's because of your relationship with your husband. When there's a problem in the relationship, it affects everything else. You might feel that your husband doesn't love you, or that he's hypocritical.

Problems are not the fault of one person. When a relationship breaks down, both people are involved, so both need to work together to fix it. First, identify your own problems and make changes. Your partner may also need to make changes.

I hope this helps.

I hope this helps.

The questioner expressed gratitude for the opportunity to engage in dialogue.

From your written account, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of helplessness, disappointment, and anger stemming from your husband's apparent lack of communication and care. I extend my support and encouragement to you in navigating this challenging situation.

As a woman and as a wife, it is natural to desire care, attention, and affection from one's partner. Despite expressing a desire to communicate more effectively, the husband continues to engage with his mobile phone.

Such a lack of responsiveness from your husband can evoke feelings of frustration and neglect. It may even lead you to perceive your own importance as being on par with that of a mobile phone.

He arrives at his place of residence at the appointed hour each day, yet he is prone to absentmindedness, which gives the impression that the domestic environment is lacking in warmth and vitality. The precise nature of your communication with him is unclear.

In the field of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), there is a saying that "the effectiveness of communication depends on the response of the other person." This implies that if one party in a communication exchange is not responding, the communication method employed by that party is not effective and may require modification.

It is recommended that you read the book Nonviolent Communication. It is essential that you communicate with each other in an effective manner.

He stated that he was fearful of provoking anger and was uncertain of how to respond to you, therefore he resorted to using his phone as a means of avoiding communication. It is important to recognise that despite his actions, he still holds feelings of affection towards you; however, the manner in which he expresses this is not aligned with your expectations.

Subsequently, one may express expectations regarding the consistency of communication. Alternatively, one may inform the other party in a timely manner when they feel comfortable.

2. You stated that when he is engaged in social activities or professional endeavors, he does not proactively communicate with you. This leads you to believe that he seeks to avoid his familial responsibilities. However, it would be prudent to ascertain his perspective on this matter.

Alternatively, could it be a projection of your own inner feelings? If he were truly attempting to escape from the family, he would not come home on time from work and remain at home for extended periods.

It is reasonable to conclude that he frequently provides excuses for his absence from the home. It may be the case that you have developed a range of emotions towards him, and that the accumulation of these emotions and the resulting misunderstandings have led you to seek a greater distance from the home. It is possible that you have projected these emotions onto your husband.

3. It is evident that these behaviors elicit feelings of annoyance and distress. The ABC theory of emotions posits that A represents the event, B denotes beliefs and thoughts, and C signifies the resulting emotion.

It is a common misconception that external stimuli, such as an action or object, directly evoke our emotional responses. However, research suggests that our internal beliefs and thoughts, often referred to as cognitive processes, play a pivotal role in influencing our emotional state. To illustrate, if we hold the belief that children should not break a bowl, we will likely experience anger when they do so.

If we accept that children are still in a process of growth and development, and that they will inevitably make mistakes along the way, then it is not productive to become angry with them for displaying this behaviour. The underlying emotional response may be similar, but the circumstances are different.

It would be beneficial to identify the underlying psychological needs that are not being met in the relationship. Are these needs related to feeling seen, respected, and cared for, or are they of a different nature? When an emotion arises, it is important to recognize the underlying psychological needs and attempt to satisfy them to some extent. Alternatively, it may be helpful to communicate these needs directly to one's partner. Otherwise, it may be challenging for the partner to understand and fulfill these needs.

It is my assessment that your husband still exhibits a degree of apprehension towards you. As long as you take the initiative to implement a change, he will remain amenable to collaboration. He also evinces a profound affection for you and is willing to assume a more prominent role in the domestic sphere. As long as you cultivate effective communication and discern the psychological needs underlying your emotions, your marriage will flourish.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to you, and I wish you the best of luck!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to see that you have sought assistance and hope that my input will prove useful to you.

From your description, it is evident that your current marital status is not aligned with your expectations. You have identified that this current situation is not aligned with your desired outcome, yet you are uncertain about the specific alternative you desire. What are your thoughts on this matter?

Although you feel that the current state of the marriage is not satisfactory, you have not yet made the decision to divorce. This indicates that the benefits you currently receive from the marriage outweigh the costs. What are your thoughts on this matter?

Similarly, when you perceive your husband's behavior to be incongruent with your expectations, you may wish to express your genuine feelings and needs in a forthright and constructive manner. It is important to avoid judging his behavior, as this may lead to a defensive response and hinder the potential for growth and change. By fostering an environment of acceptance, respect, and understanding, you can encourage him to engage in a constructive dialogue and explore ways to improve the relationship.

A person is more likely to change when they are motivated to do so from within, as this is an independent choice. Conversely, if a person is motivated to change by external factors, they will only change if they feel that the external factor accepts, understands, agrees with, and respects them. In other words, a person will only change if they believe that they can be better, as long as they are willing to change. If a person does not believe that they can be better, then they are refusing to change.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your husband's state of mind has been this way since he started living with you, or whether it has gradually developed since you got married. This will help you determine whether you have contributed to his unacceptable behavior, that is, whether you have done or not done something to make him excessively addicted to playing games. It should be noted that relationships are the result of interactions.

When a problem arises in a relationship and we are the first to feel the pain, it is important to take a step back and reflect on our own role in the situation. Rather than immediately pointing the finger at others, we should take responsibility for our own actions and consider what we could have done better or what we could improve upon. By doing so, we can initiate positive changes within ourselves, which will then ripple throughout the entire relationship. After all, a relationship is a system, and to improve it, we must first address our own actions and shortcomings.

My name is Lily, the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my personal regards to you and the world at large.