I especially hate someone, but I still can't let go, it's like I'm trapped inside. What should I do?

Hello, young lady. I see you're confused. I give you a hug!

You're having an emotional problem. Let me give you a hug.

You hate your husband's ex because she's in your husband's life.

She still comments on your husband's space and speaks strangely.

Why let her influence you?

Your husband loves you.

Your husband chooses to stay in your marriage, even if your ex-girlfriend comments in your space.

You distrust your husband. There may be something that triggers your "inner child."

You may need to see a counselor.

A counselor can give you more useful advice because they can see things differently.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

I'm out of ideas.

I hope my answers help and inspire you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that this situation is not uncommon. The relationship between your husband and his former romantic partner can often lead to feelings of anxiety and unease.

The following methods are proposed as a means of alleviating this feeling:

It is recommended that the subject speak with their husband in an open and honest manner. The husband should be informed of the subject's feelings and needs, and the reasons behind them.

It is crucial to disengage from negative sentiments such as hatred and resentment towards the individual in question. It is essential to recognize that one's own life and well-being remain independent of the circumstances of others.

It is important to prioritize one's health and well-being. This entails taking care of one's physical and mental health, which can be achieved through exercise, dietary habits, and adequate rest.

It is recommended that you consider counseling as a potential avenue for addressing these emotions. Working with a professional psychologist or counselor can facilitate the resolution of underlying issues and the development of effective coping mechanisms tailored to your individual needs.

Furthermore, the fact that you have been preoccupied with your husband's former girlfriend's personal affairs may also indicate a lack of confidence and security in the relationship. This can result in a tendency to focus on the lives of others, which diverts attention from one's own life. To enhance self-confidence and security, one can consider the following strategies:

It is recommended that you focus on your own goals and values, rather than those of others.

It is important to identify one's strengths and learn how to utilize them effectively.

It is recommended that individuals maintain a healthy lifestyle, which can be achieved through the practice of good eating and exercise habits. These habits can positively impact both physical and mental health.

Should you require assistance, you are encouraged to seek the guidance of a qualified professional, such as a psychologist or counselor.

The formation of a new interest or pursuit can serve as an effective method for redirecting one's attention away from concerns related to others.

It is hoped that these methods will assist in fostering a sense of confidence and security, thereby enabling the individual to move beyond past concerns about others.

Hello, questioner.

You can't get away from your husband's ex-girlfriend. You hate her. What should you do?

Let's review the facts about your ex-girlfriend:

In March, you and your husband were just starting to fall in love. She came to see your husband, and he hid it from you and even slept with her. In June, she left comments on your husband's Weibo and space. In September, she got married before getting married and never appeared again. After you got engaged, your ex-girlfriend gave birth to a child and then came to your husband's space to leave weird comments.

Tell me, what were your and your husband's respective reactions during these events?

The first time, he hid it from you, but then promised not to contact him again, and you forgave him.

The second time, your husband already deleted him, but you were still extremely angry and considered breaking up.

From what happened later, as described in the post, it's clear that your husband didn't react in any particular way, but you were affected. You despise your ex-girlfriend and feel uncomfortable around her.

I want to know why such a person can affect your life and mood.

I believe her presence is still affecting you, and your relationship with your husband is lacking.

You have always had the idea of separating, especially after the events that happened in March and June. You have various reasons for this, including the belief that the relationship is not that deep, that everyone has a past, and that you are weak. Ultimately, though, you have taken the attitude of forgiving.

But you have to ask yourself, can you really forgive?

Your ex-girlfriend keeps "appearing" in your Douyin private messages and comments on your space. This evokes bad memories for you, right?

You even admitted that you spy on her life with the expectation that "I hope she's not happy."

You believe this is the only way to repay her for the bad memories she left behind in your intimate relationship with your husband.

The past cannot be erased. You and your husband are already together, so it is very rational not to vent your emotions on your husband for what has already passed.

But deep down, you may still have some unresolved emotions or a little expectation called "bad karma" driving you to secretly spy on your ex-girlfriend's life.

The great thing is that you know this isn't right, that you don't like it, and that you want to change it.

I have two suggestions for you.

If you can't resolve the situation yourself, have an open and honest chat with your husband. It's important to understand that a third person can't directly influence your life. What often gets you stuck is the intimate relationship itself.

Every time you want to snoop, do something that strengthens your relationship as a couple and redirect the energy you put into it back into your own life.

As your intimacy grows, you will find yourself with many happy, warm things in your life that require your time and energy.

You will find that you are less and less inclined to spy on her and pay less and less attention to her.

One day, you will realize that no matter what she is doing, it has nothing to do with you.

Above

I am answering the letter with you.

The world and I love you.

Greetings.

From your description, it appears that you harbor a considerable degree of animosity towards your husband's former girlfriend. This resentment may have been instilled by the harassment perpetrated by the original ex-girlfriend and the actions she took that caused you to hold her in contempt. You find it difficult to move on, likely due to the fear that she may attempt to seduce your husband. Consequently, your inner self remains trapped in a state of emotional turmoil. I can comprehend your current emotional state and sentiments.

In the past, it may be because we did not care about this former romantic partner. Alternatively, it may be that after marriage, our relationship with our current romantic partner is not as intense as it was before. In some cases, there may be more passion, which will eventually evolve into a gradual alienation. As a result, we may experience a slight decrease in our sense of security, leading to a fear that others will violate the boundaries of our marriage.

Conversely, if one becomes enmeshed in such emotions, it indicates a passive stance. Even if the other party has not taken any action, one may still be driven to ascertain their motives. This intense drive stems from a lack of self-assurance and trust in one's spouse. Despite the cessation of communication, this sense of distrust persists, accompanied by a persistent lack of self-assurance.

It is this author's recommendation that:

(1) It is advisable to cultivate an awareness of one's emotional state.

It is essential to identify the underlying causes of these emotions, develop an awareness of one's emotional state, discern the needs that are being sought by the inner self, and recognize the reasons for these emotions. Furthermore, it is crucial to engage in self-reflection and self-awareness.

(2) Enhance self-confidence and sense of security.

In a marital relationship, it is not uncommon to experience a sense of loss and gain, which may manifest as a lack of trust in one's partner and a tendency to anticipate negative actions that might cause distress. While this is a normal aspect of marriage, investing excessive energy in these feelings can lead to a loss of self-assurance and security, hindering one's ability to navigate the complexities of the marital dynamic. Consequently, it is essential to cultivate inner confidence and a sense of security to establish a resilient self in the context of marriage.

(3) It is recommended that you seek counseling.

Professional psychological counseling allows for the observation of one's internal thoughts and the investigation of the underlying causes of behaviors and emotions. It is important to recognize that each individual possesses unique needs, and while self-awareness is beneficial, external assistance can also be invaluable. With the guidance of a professional, one may gradually gain insight into the factors that shape their identity.

I wish you the best of success.

Hello, my name is Strawberry!

It's so hard to handle people like this! They love to show off and they have no self-awareness. It's not the best idea to ignore them. Try to be clear with them and let them know what you want.

The foundation of behavior

When the questioner and her husband first started dating, the other person sought him out, and he went behind the questioner's back to meet the other person and even slept with her. It's so sad that he would do that just to satisfy his own needs. It really shows the kind of person he is.

It's not fair to the original poster if he can't let go of his ex and still has feelings for her. She was confident enough to do what she did because the original poster's boyfriend at the time gave her that kind of confidence.

After the questioner gave her a bit of a talking to, she stopped acting like a demon. Before that happened, did the questioner's boyfriend say that he was in a relationship with the questioner? Did his ex-boyfriend know about the questioner?

I think we can all understand why the questioner's boyfriend might have wanted to keep this information to himself. After all, it was done without their knowledge.

People we truly hate

When someone does something wrong, we tend to be a lot more forgiving if it's someone we know. We might think, "Oh, they didn't mean it," or "They didn't know any better." We're quick to make excuses for the familiar person and forgive them.

It's so hard to break off a relationship, isn't it? We convince ourselves that the other person isn't as bad as we think and that we should give them a chance to make amends.

In the face of someone who has also hurt her, the questioner chose to forgive her boyfriend, but developed hatred for his ex. It's understandable! We all have our limits. The questioner is unwilling to give up this relationship, so she convinces herself to let go of the accusations against her boyfriend's actions and then transfers all of this hatred to his ex.

It's totally normal to wonder if you can trust your boyfriend after he's acted the way he did. It's also okay to take some time to process how he hurt you.

I just want to check in and make sure I understand you correctly. When you say you hate her ex, do you mean that you hate the person, or just the relationship?

I know you can solve this problem!

I thought that after her husband's ex-wife got married and had a child, everything would return to normal. But, oh no! She appeared in her husband's space again, saying strange things. If it were a QQ space, there would be a blacklist setting, and there should be blacklist settings on other platforms as well.

The questioner is trying to gain an understanding of her by spying on her daily life. For example, if she is not happy, then when she harasses the couple's relationship, this can become a way for the questioner to attack her. It can also help him discover some of the thoughts in her mind that he doubts.

If you want to truly solve the problem, the questioner may have been waiting for it all along. In fact, the person who can solve this problem is the questioner's husband. As long as he makes his attitude clear and tells the ex-husband clearly not to do these unpleasant things anymore, let alone disturb your lives in this way, and disappears from your lives, it is respecting herself and not making herself hate herself.

I really believe that through communication, you can help your husband resolve this matter. If it means blocking the ex, then go for it! As long as your husband is sincere, he'll be able to let go of that past relationship. Then, you'll be able to focus on being confident in yourself. In your time together, the ex will have long been let go of by the questioner's husband, with all traces of the other person deleted, no longer paying attention, and given time for herself. You'll be able to truly let go.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner. Sending lots of love!

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope you find this response helpful.

From your description, it is evident that your husband's former girlfriend has maintained contact with him throughout your relationship. Each time she has appeared, you have reacted with anger. Despite the passage of time and the lack of attention from both parties, you still feel trapped and unable to move on. Your feelings of hatred and desire for her unhappiness are understandable, but they are also a significant burden. Your attention is now focused on monitoring her movements, perpetuating a cycle of negative emotions. While her actions may not be directly influenced by your feelings, your own "hate" will continue to affect your mood and outlook.

I advise you to:

It is important to become aware of the underlying reasons for your negative feelings, the rationale behind your negative thoughts, and whether these thoughts are reasonable.

It would be beneficial to consider why you hold such negative feelings towards her. It is understandable that she sought a sense of existence and maintained contact with your husband after you had already established a relationship. However, it is crucial to understand that everyone's actions are driven by their own needs. It is possible that she was able to satisfy her needs by maintaining contact with your husband at that time. However, now that she has her own marriage and family, her needs have shifted.

With regard to your own position, what is the underlying motivation for your negative feelings? Is it your hope that your relationship will remain exclusively between you two, without any external influence?

Do you believe that your relationship would be enhanced if she had not appeared? Are you still concerned that your husband may still have feelings for her?

It is important to be aware of the thoughts you have when you are feeling negative. It is beneficial to write these thoughts down and then, from an objective point of view, ask yourself if these thoughts are reasonable. If you are affected by these thoughts on a regular basis, you should consider replacing them with more positive ones in order to improve your mood.

As an example, if you are concerned that your husband may still have feelings for her, you can adjust your thinking to something like, "I believe my husband loves me, and we can live happily ever after."

2. It is not your concern whether she is happy or not. Your own happiness is in your hands. Take steps to improve your inner sense of security and enhance your own sense of happiness.

There is a common saying that good people treat themselves well and bad people treat themselves badly. The law of attraction also teaches that positive thinking leads to positive outcomes, while negative thoughts attract negative results. Therefore, if you want to be happy, wish others happiness. When we focus on others' unhappiness, we may not necessarily be unhappy ourselves, but our attention is drawn to negative aspects, which can cause discomfort.

It is important to recognise that there are only a limited number of factors that we can control. As the saying goes, "A change of heart": there are only three things in the world—your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. The reason people are troubled is because they are always worrying about other people's affairs and have no control over their own affairs. The happiness of another person is not your concern, and there is nothing you can do to control it. What you can control is whether you are doing well and whether you are happy. And if you want to make yourself happy, first of all, you need to focus on taking care of your own feelings and emotions. You can do this by releasing your emotions in some way, for example, by telling your husband about your worries and feelings, hoping that he can give you support and care. You can also express your hatred for her in some way, for example, by writing in an emotional diary, and you can tear it up after you have written it.

Furthermore, it is essential to enhance your inner sense of security, learn to accept, understand, and identify with yourself, learn to manage and administer your intimate relationships, pay more attention to the positive aspects of life, feel the happiness in life, and improve your sense of happiness.

3. This forgiveness exercise can be used to let go of past issues and achieve personal liberation.

Rebuilding Your Life states that when our progress is impeded, forgiveness is often the key to moving forward. If we feel that our current situation is less than optimal, it may be due to our continued engagement with past experiences, including feelings of remorse, grief, hurt, fear, guilt, blame, anger, resentment, and other negative emotions. These can stem from a lack of forgiveness and an inability to let go of the past and embrace the present.

The book includes an exercise called "Dissolving Resentment." This exercise allows you to take the other person's perspective and gradually understand their previous behavior. It also helps you eliminate your resentment and be willing to forgive them for any harm they have caused you. Regularly doing this exercise can significantly reduce your stress levels. Initially, it may be challenging, but with persistence, you will overcome the initial difficulty and inner struggle. You will then understand that the universe is vast and can accommodate all of us. Forgiving others is not for their sake, but to liberate yourself from continuous pain and resentment.

The following exercise for "dissolving resentment," as described in the book, can be performed daily to help eliminate resentment and achieve inner relaxation and freedom:

You may close your eyes and imagine that you are seated in a dark theater with a small stage in front of you, illuminated by a spotlight.

You may wish to imagine the individual you hold resentment towards is on the stage, in the spotlight, the sole actor in the entire theatre. You can then observe the spotlight shining on them and envisage a positive outcome for this person, such as happiness.

Allow this scene to continue for a few minutes, then gradually fade out.

The second scene then follows. Once the individual has departed from the stage, the subject in question assumes their position, situated in the spotlight. The setting is now solely focused on the subject, who observes the positive outcomes that have transpired in their life and sees themselves smiling and content.

At this juncture, you may also discern that the individual you hold in low regard is, in fact, content and that you are similarly pleased with the situation.

It is therefore essential to effect personal change if we are to effect change in others. Altering our paradigm will demonstrate that others are also amenable to change.

I hope this information is useful to you. I wish you success!