I feel sad when I go to work, but I can't detect a reason for it. What should I do?

Gaining insight into the mind allows us to make sharing a habit. I am speaking to myself.

After reviewing the emotional transcript of the original poster, I would like to discuss some potential areas for improvement in the workplace. I hope that my insights can provide some assistance in enhancing your workplace experience.

People tend to gravitate towards those with whom they have the greatest affinity, and interactions are often aligned with their inherent characteristics.

It is a fundamental truth that social interactions are an inherent aspect of human existence. The natural tendency of individuals with similar characteristics to gravitate towards each other, and the formation of groups based on these shared traits, is a phenomenon that has been observed throughout history.

As the adage goes, people of similar character tend to gravitate towards one another. However, there is no universal answer to the question of how people form relationships or how they part ways. Regardless of one's classification, it is essential to recognize that one's authentic self remains intact. There is no inherent distinction between "good" and "bad" categories or groups.

People form groups based on factors such as gender, personality, temperament, education level, and values. Effective interpersonal relationships are not contingent on pursuing or forcing oneself to become a certain kind of person or integrating with a specific group.

Comfort is an essential factor in evaluating effective communication.

In this world, no two leaves are identical. Each individual is unique.

Each of us is unique, even if two individuals appear similar on the surface. In the workplace, you will encounter people of all types, some of whom you may find more appealing than others. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of envy or desire for those they perceive as more successful, often driven by personal character flaws.

However, there is no guarantee that adopting the characteristics of another individual will not result in a subsequent desire to revert to one's original self. The positive attributes of others may only be fully appreciated by them, while the positive and negative aspects of one's own character are truly beneficial.

In light of the above, it is evident that there is no need to retreat into solitude and meditation in order to become a paragon of virtue. As the advertising slogan goes, you are already beautiful, and it is imperative to learn to appreciate the beautiful you.

It is possible that when you feel you have reached your personal limits, there are many people who are secretly envious of you and striving to emulate you.

It is not possible to control whether other people like you, but you can learn to like yourself.

It is inevitable that individuals will encounter those who dislike or even dislike them. Conversely, it is also inevitable that individuals will encounter those who do not mind them. The questioner himself feels that because of his personality, he feels old-fashioned and simple, and this will definitely make people look down on or dislike him. However, this kind of biased perception is not based on any substantive evidence.

It is challenging to gain the approval of everyone, and that would be an inefficient use of time. However, if an individual does not even like themselves, it is unlikely that they will be able to gain the approval of others.

As individuals, there is no need to be overly deliberate. We should allow things to take their natural course, regardless of whether someone is an extrovert or an introvert, or whether they are a talkative person or a quiet person. These are all unique personality traits, and we cannot assume that extroverts should be liked and respected by others, while introverts are naturally ostracized and despised. Every kind of person has their own way of living, and every way of living is wonderful.

In conclusion,

Everything is in alignment and functioning optimally.

Maintain your authentic self.

It is important to be comfortable in your own skin.

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

You feel inferior, insecure, and unaccepted.

If someone can't change how they act, it's often because of early trauma.

From what you said, it seems like your boss doesn't dislike you. Maybe they just don't like you for other reasons. Dislike means you're afraid of your boss. Avoidance is probably because you're afraid of other people in positions of authority.

In your early years, important others (parents, other caregivers, etc.) were demanding and made you feel rejected, unloved, criticized, and unaccepted. This was especially true when you felt emotionally neglected and unloved. This planted the seeds of inferiority and lack of self-confidence in your young heart. You interpreted this as because you weren't good enough. You would hide your fear, anxiety, and unease about being rejected and unloved because you weren't good enough.

Keep a diary of your emotions and feelings in front of your boss. This will help you understand your emotions better. For example, you may want to be accepted and encouraged. But you may also fear rejection. What can you do to satisfy these needs?

Instead of reacting this way, which makes you feel afraid and uneasy,

You can improve your professional skills through active learning. This will make you more secure, certain, and confident in your work.

If you're facing your boss, you might feel afraid or uneasy. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I'm afraid because I want to be accepted and do better." Even if you're rejected or criticized, it doesn't mean you're bad. It just means you didn't do well or that this is something you're not good at.

To be true to yourself in front of your boss, you need to accept yourself, have confidence, and feel good about yourself. Make a list of your strengths to see your bright spots.

Keep a gratitude journal to build self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. Develop new interests and passions to enrich your life and gain control.

Read "How to Overcome Social Anxiety" to learn how to deal with your anxiety and build better relationships.

I hope this helps.

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can shed light on the hearts of many people, and this is the energy that we all share.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan coach Fei Yang. I can tell you're feeling nervous, awkward, and like you can't let go of yourself in front of this female boss. You even seem insecure and a little inferior. Your relationship with your female boss is affecting your mood, work, and life.

Even so, you still recognize the character of the female boss. You look for reasons in yourself. From this point of view, you are kind and well-educated. Let's give you a warm hug first and take a look at the problem together.

We all have different sides to our personalities, and there's no such thing as a "good" or "bad" character.

As it happened, she'd been watching Zhao Yao recently, and Bai Lu played Lu Zhao Yao. There was a scene in the plot where she shared a face with Qin Ziyan. Lu Zhao Yao could only reveal her true form at night, and she was invisible during the day.

When Lu Zhaoyao met Li Chenlan, the "son of the devil king," he came across as pretty arrogant and uninhibited, which is the kind of "female devil" demeanor we're used to seeing. However, when he met Qin Qianxian, he seemed a bit constrained, as if he could be seen through at a glance.

However, when she met the "son of the devil," she was so nervous that she couldn't speak. She looked scared and even terrified. When she met "Qin Qianxian," though, she looked very confident and calm.

Why are they so different when dealing with the same people or different people? It all comes down to their relationship with each other, which is shaped by their roles.

"The Son of the Demon King" Li Chenlan was once saved by "The Female Devil" Lu Zhaoyao and is a door boy in the martial art school she founded. "The Female Devil" is naturally fearless in the presence of her subordinates, acting confidently and strongly.

Qin Ziyan sees the "son of the devil" as the new head of Wanlu Gate. Given his incredible martial arts skills, it's understandable that she's a bit intimidated.

However, when Qin Ziyan met Qin Qianxian, who was like an older uncle who loved and protected her, she naturally felt a sense of intimacy and acted naturally and comfortably.

We're all equal. The reason we feel the other person is dominant is because we have different role orientations.

When you see her as "strong" and "the boss," you feel a bit intimidated, tense, and afraid. When you see her as a "colleague," "woman," or "friend," do you still feel that tension and fear?

Let's take another example. Why would a mayor or governor, who is aloof and very authoritative, bow his head and admit his guilt when lectured by an old woman? Because she's his mother.

The above example is just to show you that the other person's role depends on us. If you see her as the boss, you are the employee; if you see her as a superior at work and a good best friend in life, then she can also be your friend.

2. Build your confidence and improve your interpersonal relationships.

You have a lot of self-doubt and self-negation about yourself. For example, you might think you're an introverted personality, which implies that only extroverts can have good interpersonal relationships. Or you might think you have problems in interpersonal relationships, which directly labels you and subconsciously gives you the subliminal message that you have bad interpersonal relationships.

On top of that, the boss, who is a strong woman, often says, "I don't like people with psychological problems." So you start to "put yourself in the right place," deciding that you are the one with psychological problems. This self-identification further strengthens your fear of her.

External factors (like what other people think) are out of your control. If you try to do what other people expect, you'll lose yourself and it'll be hard to build good relationships. These relationships don't last because there's an imbalance of power.

Your inner self is your own. True self-confidence means having confidence in yourself as a person. You accept your own "introverted" nature and agree that "introverts" can also have good interpersonal relationships. For example, "introverts" are more likely to be perceived as reliable, trustworthy, warm, and friendly.

He's also confident about the future and lets you shine as your unique self. There's no flattery, just attraction. This applies to both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.

Do your job well, and there's no need to compare your work style with your "ex." You can learn from the good ones, of course. You've only been working for two months, so you can maintain a "detached" observation mode in your relationship with your boss. As you get to know each other better and strengthen your relationship, you can make a decision.

You can also use your free time to read and study to improve your psychological quality and learn some new ways to interact with others. There are lots of free audio files and articles on the Yi Xinli platform that you can check out.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click on "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we can keep learning together.

Hello!

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can feel your sadness in the content.

I also want to give you a big pat on the back for bravely expressing your distress and actively seeking help on the platform. This is a great first step towards better understanding yourself and making some positive changes in your life!

Next, I'll share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I think will really help you to look at the situation from a more diverse perspective!

1. Let's explore the reason for your sadness!

From the post, I have observed that the original poster mentioned the relationship between the boss and his former colleague, as well as the interaction between you and the boss. From this information, I have observed some "negation" of you by the boss, which presents an exciting opportunity for growth and change!

For example, he often talks about how the previous girl was this and that, and how he doesn't like people with psychological problems. Then, from a certain point of view, all of this is a kind of self-denial, don't you think?

Then the boss doesn't particularly like you, which presents an exciting challenge for you, who is introverted and sensitive. You may even feel that it's your own fault, which gives you the opportunity to grow and learn. At this time, I think your emotions will be affected to some extent, which is an opportunity for you to embrace the full range of your feelings.

On the other hand, the original poster is naturally introverted, which is great! It's not easy to respond to your boss's enthusiasm, but you'll get there!

From a certain point of view, introverts are more sensitive, and in the face of the boss's enthusiasm, we may need to be highly focused. It's like a machine running at high speed—the faster it goes, the faster it consumes!

And our energy is limited, which means that getting along with your boss is also a very draining and difficult thing for you.

Facing this kind of consumption is a challenge, but it's also an opportunity for growth. When we don't know how to deal with it, it's time to explore new ways of thinking. Frustration is a natural response, but it's also a chance to push ourselves further.

2. Use relationships to grow yourself!

The amazing thing about human relationships is that they help us grow! So, the original poster can definitely use this relationship to help him grow better!

We can explore together why we are so introverted. Of course, it's not that being introverted is bad—it's actually a great quality! But in order to better understand and know ourselves, we need to see our own strengths and recognize our own shortcomings.

And the great news is that when we understand ourselves, we can make more appropriate adjustments! Our introversion is often related to the way we were brought up in our early years.

I think it would be really beneficial for you to read some psychology books! You can review your own growth experience and look at it from an adult perspective.

Absolutely! Check to see if there are any unreasonable perceptions affecting you. If there are, you can absolutely adjust those unreasonable perceptions. Then you will absolutely change for the better!

3. Embrace your true self!

The boss at the company may not like introverted people, but he prefers the old girl! We have to remember that we are not that girl, though.

Absolutely! We can learn from her some of the good things about her. But the point of learning is to be a better version of ourselves, not to become her. We need to learn to accept the real us, and we can do it!

So what if I'm an introvert? I'm just different from other people, and that's a good thing!

Just as a forest is not just one type of tree, there is no one perfect personality. Introverts have the advantage of being introverted, and that's a good thing!

So let's learn to accept the real self! Let's allow ourselves to be different from others and let's allow others to be different from us.

Embrace the parts of yourself that you can't change and focus your energy on the parts you can! This is how you'll become the best version of yourself.

I really hope these words have been helpful and inspiring for you!

Hello, host! I'm thrilled to answer your question. Are you also a woman?

After reading your description, it's clear that you feel more nervous when getting along with your superior. This is totally normal! It's also worth noting that your personality is relatively conservative, which is great because it means you're a reliable, dependable person. In the process of communicating with others, you don't want to expose yourself too much, while your boss is more outgoing and wants to establish closer ties with the people around him. This difference in personality is something you can work on together to create a great team dynamic!

You joined the company two months ago, and the person in your previous position is on a leave of absence due to marriage and childbirth. Your superior still treats you in the same way as he treated him before, and as a subordinate, you're eager to express your ideas for improving this way of getting along. The work situation is full of potential for growth!

On the other hand, you're actually pretty satisfied with your job! It's just that you get a little nervous and stressed when you're around your boss. Do you have high expectations of yourself in life?

He always wants to appear perfect in front of others, especially important people, and doesn't want to give them the impression that he isn't good enough. People like you are quite common in the workplace, especially newcomers, which means you're in good company!

The good news is that the boss is more tolerant of newcomers in the workplace. This means you can relax and show him your best self. He'll appreciate your consideration, tolerance, and approachable persona. And don't worry about making small mistakes — he'll guide you through them.

It's totally normal to have some initial reactions to a new environment after just two months. It usually takes about six months for people with adaptation disorders to fully adjust. If you're facing some challenges and feeling less productive at work, you can seek professional help to learn relaxation techniques and systematic desensitization. As women, you may find it helpful to connect over more informal topics, like the latest facial masks or lipstick shades. These conversations can also help create a more relaxed atmosphere at work. I'm excited to schedule an appointment at 1983 The World and I love you!

I am interested in learning more about the relationship between shyness, timidity, being tongue-tied, low self-esteem, and the classification of an individual as "mentally ill." Do these not represent normal states that any person might experience at one point or another in their lives?

It is not uncommon to experience shyness when meeting someone new, timidity when confronted with a challenge, stuttering in important situations, or feelings of inferiority due to a lack of confidence. These emotions are transient and do not meet the criteria for psychological illness.

I believe that the reason for this is that the previous employee and the boss had a very good relationship. From the boss's description, it is evident that there were some differences in character between the two of you. Additionally, the boss has consistently expressed her dislike for individuals with "mental illness," which has led you to associate these character traits with "mental illness" as a means of explaining why you have been unable to establish a friendship with your boss.

It is possible that you simply do not wish to pursue a friendship with her. You did not perceive that expectation, not because you were unaware of how, but because you were not ready to enter into a closer relationship.

Some individuals form friendships in as little as three or five days, while others require a longer period of time. It is important to note that a slower pace of socialization does not necessarily indicate mental illness. Rather, it may be indicative of a stronger sense of boundaries and a need for a certain level of distance to feel safe.

Furthermore, even the most authoritative psychiatrists would likely not categorize these personality traits as psychological disorders. In some instances, individuals may label others as "sick" in an accusatory manner, solely to gain a more dominant role in the relationship.

As long as the individual is labelled as mentally ill, it seems that no effort is required to understand their behaviour. The matter is then considered to be entirely separate from the individual's actions.

It is therefore important to exercise caution when making such statements, as they may inadvertently lead to a linguistic trap.

Hello! Thanks so much for your question. I love reading!

If you're feeling down, think about whether it might not be your problem. Introverts generally like to internalize and blame themselves for all their mistakes and problems. But here's the good news: you can change this! At the same time, if they are blamed by others, they often feel that it is their own problem and that they are wrong. This will make them fall into depression, guilt, and self-blame, and gradually lose their vitality and desire to express themselves. But you can help them!

You can ask yourself, "What can I do to make things better?"

It may not necessarily be your fault. It could be someone else's problem. The female leader's evaluation of you may not be right. Have you thought about PUA? Perhaps she is not aware of it herself, but comments like this are not conducive to your growth and will make you increasingly feel inferior. But don't worry! There's plenty you can do to turn this around.

So, let's think about it: where can I make improvements? Where can my colleague or female leader make improvements?

Am I the only one who can make a change?

Being an introvert and not being good at interpersonal relationships is not a reason for someone to be incompetent at work, nor should it be a reason for blame. Is there a problem with your work? If there is no mistake, then it is a personal freedom to get along well with whom you like. If you feel that you are afraid of your female boss, it shows that your relationship is indeed quite tense. Whether or not you feel that she is a nice person, there are certain problems in your relationship. When getting along with people, we must trust our own feelings, no matter who it is. If you feel comfortable with her, then it shows that your relationship interaction is good. So, perhaps it is because your personalities are too different, and the female boss likes a certain type of employee, so she will have some disapproving views of you.

If work has such a big impact on you, not only affecting your mood and your life, but also damaging your self-confidence, think about it: Do I really have to keep working in this position? Is it possible to change the environment and boss? Maybe finding a good boss will be more beneficial to your development. Maybe quitting will make you feel bad, but we can weigh the pros and cons. If I'm having such a hard time working here and the way I get along with my boss is so awkward, maybe changing the environment will be the best thing for me. There's no reason to stay in a job you hate!

Introverts have the character strengths of introverts. Some people just aren't good at socializing, and that's okay. As long as we maintain good interpersonal relationships with others, it's okay to keep our distance. Therefore, the denial of outsiders makes you self-denying, and this feeling is definitely not good. But there's a solution! Learning psychology is helpful. We not only need to understand ourselves, but also others. Sometimes it's the environment that's the problem, not oneself. But you can change that! Perhaps if you go to an environment with more tolerance and positive energy, you can develop well.

OK, thank you so much for your question! I am an avid reader, a helpful psychological counselor (in training), the world, and I love you!

Good day. I have reviewed the inquiry and perceive that you are experiencing a degree of apprehension and unease, particularly with regard to interpersonal dynamics. You appear to be somewhat overwhelmed and uncertain about how to interact with your female superior.

However, I can see that the questioner still takes this matter very seriously and hopes to be more active. Even if the questioner currently has difficulty communicating deeply with the female boss, the questioner also wants to be accepted by the female boss for your current performance.

1. "I've been at this company for two months, and the people here are actually quite nice. However, the female boss is a confident and strong-willed person. Because our offices are connected, she has a good relationship with the previous girl in my position. She left because she had a baby.

How should I proceed? My female boss is quite pleasant, but I'm uncertain about her expectations. I'm naturally introverted, and I have significant challenges with interpersonal relationships. I'm unsure how to respond to her desire for a closer friendship. She has also expressed a preference for individuals without psychological issues, often referencing past experiences.

(1) The questioner can attempt to ascertain their feelings by considering the following: What impact does the female boss's confidence and strength have on you? Do you feel constrained by this dynamic?

Please describe your feelings. Do you have any comments you would like to share with your female boss?

The questioner may take notes on paper and record their feelings and desired outcomes.

(2) The questioner has only been employed at the company for two months. If the questioner is slow to adapt to interpersonal relationships, it will take time to slowly get used to and adapt. However, there must be an appropriate method, which will have a better effect. For example, understand the female boss and then meet the needs of the female boss during communication. This cannot be rushed, so learn slowly and just think of the interpersonal relationships at work as a learning experience!

This approach should help to alleviate any pressure.

(3) The female boss has a good rapport with her former colleagues. It is their relationship. The questioner may wish to observe how her former colleagues interact with her, for example in terms of communication and work.

It would be beneficial to observe the interaction between the female boss and her colleagues. It appears that the female boss was discussing a previous colleague and expressing her dislike of that individual. It seems that she was simply sharing her thoughts and not targeting you. It's possible that she is a more outgoing person and did not realize the impact of her words on you.

(4) With regard to the character of the questioner, there are no inherent problems associated with being introverted. Introverts can also learn to communicate effectively with others and observe more carefully, developing a strong sense of empathy. These are all advantages, so the questioner can learn to make good use of their strengths.

2. "I am unsure of how to proceed. Upon arriving at the office, I experience feelings of depression that persist throughout the day. I feel as though I am displaying my shy, timid, tongue-tied, and inferior self, which I believe leads others to perceive me as mentally unstable. I am an honest individual, yet I do not receive admiration or positive regard from others. This has led to feelings of distress and even a loss of interest in living. Despite having read some psychology books, I am uncertain of how to address these persistent negative moods that seem to be conditioned reflexes. I hope you teachers can provide me with guidance. Thank you."

(1) The questioner should refocus their attention on themselves. It is important to adjust their state of mind. If the questioner's emotions stabilize, it will also help their charisma and be beneficial to their communication with their colleagues. What adjustments should the questioner make?

Engaging in a half-hour daily run, incorporating self-confidence or self-acceptance meditation (listen to the audio and perform the exercises, as there are platforms available), and occasionally singing and listening to music can all contribute to a sense of happiness and comfort for the individual in question. Over time, self-confidence will also increase.

(2) It is not possible to alter the opinions of other people, but it is possible to change one's own thoughts. This involves learning to accept oneself. It is important to allow oneself to experience these symptoms at this stage, without resistance, as this will result in a more natural emotional flow, leading to a greater sense of well-being. With regard to other people,

It is possible that others may not have access to these methods. It is also possible that we ourselves hold similar beliefs about others. This is called projection.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello! I can totally see how the change in your work environment is making you feel anxious, uneasy, afraid, and helpless.

I totally get you. It's totally normal to feel and react this way when you've just started a new job. Lots of people feel the same way, including me. ? Right now, you're willing to share your confusion and helplessness, which shows that you really want to find an effective way to actively seek ways to change your current situation.

❤️Love yourself! You are your own master, and you deserve to be happy. ?

I'd love to know how you get along with other colleagues in this environment. Is it similar to working for a female boss?

Or is there something else on your mind?

Secondly, I'd love to hear more about your anxieties about this new environment. Are you feeling a bit nervous about getting along with people? Or are you worried about your skills at work, such as your proficiency in the job content?

We know that things that require skills can be improved through learning and becoming proficient. If it's about interpersonal relationships, you can do some self-awareness, such as an emotional diary, to record your anxiety and fears. It's okay to feel anxious! It just means you're feeling strong enough to do this thing right now. What can you do about this anxiety?

The most important thing is to accept yourself, my dear friend. Introverts are not a derogatory term. Introverts are meticulous and observant, which other personalities do not have. Be yourself, because you are also worthy of having a lot of love and happiness.

I really hope you can find happiness and joy in your own company. You are never alone, because the world and I love you!

#Once again,