I feel that I have character flaws and psychological problems, and I hate myself. What should I do?

Hi there. From what you've said, I can see you're struggling with a lot of issues. It seems like you have a lot of conflicting feelings, including hatred of yourself, difficulty communicating with others, self-deprecation, and a desire to change.

I'm a psychotherapist, and I'd like to discuss this with you using psychological knowledge.

Who am I? This is a big question for teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18. It's also a time when they start to figure out who they are and what they stand for. The reason you hate yourself is that you weren't seen, paid attention to, affirmed, or praised during your growth process. You were always blamed, criticized, and rejected. This made you feel inferior inside, have a low sense of self-worth, and internalize external evaluations as part of yourself. You're very sad and feel very miserable. You're in a state of self-disintegration and self-confusion.

How can you adjust? First, you have to accept yourself, accept your imperfections, and accept your character traits. This is shaped by the external environment, including the influence of the original family. You can only understand yourself, be aware of your character traits, and then adjust by accepting yourself.

Your temperament is something you're born with, and it's not something you can change. Your personality, on the other hand, is something that develops later in life and can be adjusted.

Your social relationships are also related to the attachment relationships you had as a child. When you become aware of your character traits and your interpersonal relationships are affected, this is also your motivation. He is your blind spot and also your own limitations. You are clear about everything at the conscious level, but changes and adjustments are made in the subconscious. You need the guidance of a professional therapist and to do the healing within the framework of psychoanalysis.

You're very perceptive and have a great capacity for self-reflection. By being self-aware and drawing on your own experiences, you can build on your learning and adjust your approach, and even change. The world and I love you, and you also need to learn to take care of yourself. Let's do this!

I'd like to start by sharing a line from a movie I saw before, spoken by the heroine to the hero: "If you hate me, you can choose to escape from me, but if I hate myself, I can't escape from myself."

The most challenging and meaningful change we can make is to learn to accept, appreciate, and love ourselves. It's a battle against our long-standing habits, to be honest.

Because in the environment in which we grew up, we were mostly suppressed and denied. We were told that we are not perfect and not yet worthy of love. So we slowly internalized these voices and began to demand that we must be perfect in everything, like a saint, otherwise we are not worthy of love. In fact, there are no saints in this world, let alone perfect people. The idea that others say that you are worthy of love is actually an illusion.

It's our flaws that make us unique. When we accept our differences from others without judgment, we can accept others' differences from us without judgment. We haven't been gentle with ourselves, so we're unable to be gentle with others.

When we see the problems of others, don't be afraid to go up to them and ask for the truth. Have I ever judged myself like this? Conflicts with others actually reveal your inner problems. You'll find you've been repeating the same problems in your life because it's a challenge waiting for you to give the ultimate answer. Once you understand, you'll find the problem has disappeared.

You make choices that a more mature self would make.

The biggest myth in the world is that we keep focusing on other people and then lose ourselves. But how can we return to our own home by following others?

We should really be asking ourselves: Where do I want to go? What kind of person do I want to become?

These are the most important questions for us to ask ourselves.

Hello, little host!

I just wanted to say that I think you're really brave for being so aware of your own problems and for speaking up and looking for answers.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're aware of this inner conflict and longing. You're noticing this uncomfortable feeling and are able to recognize it when it arises. You also seem to dislike pride, but at the same time, you're aware that you might sometimes act in a prideful way. Is that right?

It's so great that you're here to talk and get more help! I'm happy to help you change those comfortable feelings.

I just wanted to let you know that this is something most people experience at some point in their lives. You've already noticed it, which is a great start! It's so much better than being stuck in your emotions and unable to face reality.

But as you said, you are in your senior year of high school and need to study hard. Then you need to adjust your mentality properly. I really hope you can pay more attention to why you feel this way. Does it appear in a fixed period of time or in a fixed situation?

Have you had a chance to talk to your family about these feelings? I'd love to know more about your family and upbringing!

Because our personalities and emotional feelings are often shaped by our family and upbringing. Home is a safe haven and our greatest supporter. If the warmth of home is not strong enough, we may also become less confident. But don't worry, there's no rule saying we have to face these challenges alone!

In your description, you say that you met someone who you felt quite good about, but whose emotions were also uncontrollable, which then affected your emotions and made you feel like you didn't like yourself. I'm so sorry to hear that!

I'd also like to ask you to think about what this person has in common with you. And when you've been hurt by this person, what are your thoughts?

You've noticed it again. I'd love for you to picture what your life and studies would be like if a miracle happened and this uncomfortable feeling disappeared. What things do you do to make these uncomfortable feelings go away?

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help. When this feeling disappears, will things be different for you?

You've already taken the first step by recognizing it. The next step is to take it slow and really tune in to it. Once you've got a good handle on it, you can start to work through it and make some positive changes so that you can say goodbye to those uncomfortable feelings.

First of all, I suggest you adjust your mentality and learn to relax.

Hey there! I know senior year can be really stressful, especially with all the pressure that comes with it. On top of that, you have a unique personality that makes it tough to focus on your studies. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed! One way to relax is to close your eyes during breaks between classes or during lunch. Just take a moment to close your eyes, do nothing, and become more aware. Notice that uncomfortable feeling, tell him you see him, and slowly reconcile with him. Even if you get distracted, just slowly exercise! This kind of exercise will help you realize that you can also relax and adjust your mindset. You've got this!

Secondly, I really think you should exercise more!

It's totally normal to feel that way, but it shouldn't affect our lives, right? If he delays your internship, you can always adjust it if you want. I really think you should try exercising more. I don't know if your school still allows seniors to do morning exercises, but it's definitely worth asking!

Morning exercises are a great way to start your day! They can help you release your emotions and get your brain excited, which is really helpful for learning. It's no surprise that lots of middle and high schools have morning exercise routines!

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.

I'm here for you if you ever feel uncomfortable again. You can talk to a teacher, because there are psychology teachers in schools these days, and they can help you sort out your confusion. You can also talk to friends, and if possible, communicate with your parents, because they are our greatest support. Parents are also our greatest support. After you communicate with your parents, you can ask them to take you to see a professional counselor.

Finally, I want to tell you that it's okay. Many people are confused about this, and that's okay, too. We are very suitable for us, and you're doing great! One suggestion is that you can talk to him and ask him why it happened and what you want to do about it.

You know, we can say a thousand things, but it's really better to take it slow, become aware, and figure out what you want. I know you understand a lot of the principles, but you just can't do it yet. If you can see it, you're almost there! I want to encourage you to believe in yourself and not give up, because you will definitely get better and better.

I just wanted to let you know that I totally get it. When I was your age, I was really self-conscious and sensitive. I was too shy to communicate with others, and I stuttered when I spoke. I'm not doing very well now, but I haven't given up. I've been constantly searching and learning. I have a little strength now, don't I? This strength supports me and gives me the courage to express my opinions in the crowd. It's for the sake of rejection, and I've learned to protect myself. More importantly, my life has slowly become much easier, and I actually feel some anxiety, but I allow it to exist.

So I'll tell you again, it's okay. Seeing him is the first step on your journey to change. Let's work together, shall we?

Good morning.

Please don't worry, this is perfectly normal. The formation of self-awareness during the process of growing up usually involves going through different stages. Our subjective feelings, cognitive abilities, values, and worldviews will all change to varying degrees in response to changes in our environment, from instability to stability, and then enter a new stage of self-integration.

I've come to realize that I have a sensitive and suspicious personality, which I find challenging at times. I'm wondering if there are any strategies or approaches that could help me navigate these traits in a more constructive manner.

Growth is divided into different stages. From the changes in age and personal needs, people will enter different stages of life. For example, during school years, students will pay special attention to changes in grades, while in adulthood, they will pay special attention to work, love, and social relationships. In middle age, they will pay attention to stability in life and social status. This all shows that at different times, people's subjective demands will change accordingly based on their own conditions. Although it may seem that they are always in an unstable state, it is important to recognize that this is a natural part of growth and development. It is a healthy psychological state.

It is therefore understandable that students may experience a range of challenges related to sensitive personality issues. During adolescence, emotions can reflect a person's level of self-acceptance and acceptance by the outside world. This can lead to a heightened sensitivity to external evaluations, particularly during the period of exploring one's identity and the world around them.

It is often the case that girls feel secure and affirmed about themselves based on whether they are sociable and whether they have suitors of the opposite sex. Similarly, boys also care about others' positive evaluation of them and the attention of the opposite sex, which can influence their self-perception and sense of popularity. It is not uncommon for them to appear anxious or awkward when they are unsure of how to express themselves. When external feedback is positive and they are in a stable state of positive evaluation, it can help to improve their sense of self-identification, confidence, and security.

As a high school senior, I tend to be sensitive and suspicious, and I often find myself questioning my own personality. While I recognize the value in reflecting on one's character, I also recognize the fatigue that can accompany this process. I recently had the opportunity to connect with an individual who, like me, has a personality that is perhaps somewhat extreme. We share a love for philosophy and history. At one point, I felt a strong compatibility with him, but a misunderstanding led to a moment of distress. I was concerned about him, but his response was abrupt and seemed to reflect a tendency I've observed in myself, which made me feel uneasy.

It is worth noting that during adolescence, due to the often unstable psychological state and academic pressure, the guidance and support of parents and teachers can be invaluable. When students are unable to solve problems on their own, parents or teachers should consider intervening in a timely manner to provide psychological counseling and support, with the aim of helping students to quickly return to a stable emotional state.

For instance, the questioner mentioned that the issue of having a radical personality among peers has had a negative impact on them. At the same time, they have also reflected on their own personality, identifying potential areas for improvement. If they were to share these concerns with more experienced parents or teachers, they might receive guidance on how to manage stress and negative emotions more effectively. This could help them develop a more nuanced understanding of themselves and better cope with challenges.

Then, when communicating with others again, we can draw on past experiences and adapt them to our own new cognitive models, which can help us to avoid cognitive misunderstandings and thus adjust and influence our own behavior patterns.

For instance, when you observe a close friend reacting negatively, perhaps losing their temper or attacking others, it can be challenging to remain unaffected. If the questioner could be more self-aware when expressing their thoughts to others, manage their emotions, and focus on expressing more positive messages, could this potentially help to promote communication with others?

It may be helpful to consider that behavioral patterns are influenced by cognitive ability. When we can expand our own cognitive ability, our horizons can become broader, we may be able to break through self-imposed limitations, and we can consciously express ourselves, which could influence our own behavior patterns.

It might be helpful to consider that when external pressures are too great during the school years, you can find ways to relieve anxiety by communicating more with others (preferably experienced elders), releasing excess internal pressure, resolving internal confusion, and at this time, you will be able to focus more on your schoolwork.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can persevere.

Hello, To whom it may concern,

From what you've shared, it seems like you might be struggling with some self-esteem issues. I can relate to that, as I've experienced similar feelings in the past. I empathize with you and want to offer some support.

I met someone who is similar to me in many ways, but he has a personality that is perhaps a little extreme. We both love philosophy and history. At one point, I thought we were very compatible. But once he got wet because of the rain, I felt a certain level of care for him, but he expressed his frustration at me in a way that I felt was unjustified and caused me to feel a sense of disappointment. This reminded me of some of my own past experiences.

From your description, it seems that you have a tendency to interact with people who evoke negative emotions, which may remind you of yourself. You may be aware of this character flaw in yourself, which could potentially lead to feelings of self-hatred. It is understandable to feel afraid of confronting these feelings, but if we allow fear to control us, it may prevent us from moving forward in a positive way. It might be helpful to consider the reasons behind your fear. If you feel insecure, you could try to cultivate a sense of security.

2. He has similar personality flaws to me, which makes me feel uneasy. I wonder if all people with deep thoughts are as arrogant as him. I tend to have doubts and insecurities. I don't particularly like arrogant people like him, but at the same time I feel like I might be a narcissist. Thinking about this every day also makes it more difficult to focus on my studies and affects my mood. Going to school every day is challenging for me. I have too many doubts.

From what I can see, you are aware of your self-doubt and insecurity. It seems that your current state is affecting your mood. I believe that your feelings of insecurity, negative emotions, or fear are the main cause of this. It would be helpful for you to identify the root cause of your fear and find ways to release and relieve it.

It might be helpful to consider the following personal advice:

[1] It would be beneficial to cultivate your own sense of security. Our inner sense of security mainly depends on the degree of control we have over our current state. Our previous growth experiences will affect us, but in the future, if we are aware of ourselves and see something in ourselves that needs to be changed, we can also obtain improvement in this area.

Perhaps the first thing to address is the internal sense of fear. It might be helpful to consider whether it is our deep inferiority complex that leads to a lack of internal strength, a feeling of losing control of external things, and then a sense of worthlessness, etc.

[2] It would be beneficial to learn to recognize yourself, understand, accept, and appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. If you can see your own weaknesses, you can definitely see your strengths as well. You may find it helpful to draw on the strengths of others to make up for your weaknesses, accept and understand yourself, and calmly change in a positive direction.

[3] It might be helpful to give yourself positive psychological suggestions. When something happens, it can be beneficial to consider how to solve the problem and avoid being controlled by our emotions. If we can manage our emotions well, we may be able to see the right direction. Positive psychological suggestions could also help to enhance our sense of inner strength.

[4] You might consider seeking counseling. Sometimes we may not be able to see the problem as clearly as we would like, but a counselor can help us identify our own problems and needs.

Personality flaws are not inherently negative. With awareness, positive self-talk, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to move on from past challenges, we can all cultivate greater self-confidence and a stronger sense of self-worth, and ultimately, become more independent.

I hope this is helpful to you.