I had a fight with my mom recently. Should I tell her that I hate her?

Question author:

I'm Kelly Shui from Heart Exploration.

You had a fight with your mother. Should you tell her you hate her?

If you hate your mother, talk to her.

Let's talk about it.

A child's feelings towards their mother and a mother's feelings towards their child involve both love and hatred.

If someone is unimportant, do we hate them?

The bond between a mother and child is complex. It involves both love and hate. Some people believe that mothers naturally love their children, and children are naturally attached to them.

I've seen people hate their mothers too. Can you say why?

Expressing your thoughts and emotions helps your mother understand you. You learn to express yourself, which helps you get along better with your mother.

I recommend expressing your feelings. Tell her what makes you uncomfortable.

Let me give you a few examples.

Some mothers are insecure and like to control their children. They like to make sure the children come home for dinner and do their homework. The children will feel uncomfortable.

As we grow older, we think for ourselves. Many parents still communicate with their children the same way, which becomes uncomfortable over time.

2: Some parents have had emotional trauma and are not sound. These mothers treat their children as "private property."

She treats her children like her own, without respect.

This can cause a gap.

3: I have also met some children of single parents. The father left home early, and the mother and child relied on each other. The mother obeyed her child.

At different stages of life, she had to make decisions for her child, and her child helped her make them.

Children often lose some abilities. When they realize they don't have them, they may resent it.

4: Some parents are unstable and beat their children. The children become depressed and hate their parents.

Many people also choose to find a counselor to express their anger, hatred, and inner feelings.

[Learn to love yourself]

We love and accept ourselves.

This includes your true emotions and feelings. I once read, "Our whole life is about getting rid of other people's expectations and finding our true selves."

As you said, it is hard to express yourself, but learning to express yourself is also loving yourself.

There are many ways to express ourselves.

1. Write about your emotions.

2. Find a counselor.

3: Talk to your mom in person.

A mature person should love themselves, have confidence, and accept their feelings.

When we feel sad or angry, our hearts can be damaged. When we are angry, our nervous system becomes over-excited, which can cause our adrenal glands to release large amounts of hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline.

It's important to learn to express emotions and feelings.

Read "All for Your Own Good" and "The Awakening of the Family." They help you understand yourself and your family.

Happy birthday!

I love you, world.

Hello, questioner! My name is Jiang 61, and I just want to say thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us your troubles so that we can help you.

You asked, "I've been arguing with my mom recently. Should I tell her I hate her?" Let's give you a big hug first, and then we'll talk about how you should communicate with your mother.

1. Arguments

You said, "I had another fight with my mom recently, and it made me feel really bad. I've been wanting to tell her that I hate her."

1⃣️, Disagreement

From an outsider's perspective, it seems like your arguments and quarrels with your mother might be caused by a lack of agreement.

It seems like you both have strong opinions and ideas about things, and you both feel really strongly that your views are right and the other person's are wrong. It's totally normal to want to prove that you're right and convince the other person to agree with you. But when you argue endlessly, it can be hard to see things clearly.

2⃣️, emotions

In just a few words, you used the word "again." I can see that you're feeling pretty dissatisfied and resentful towards your mother, and that you're using arguments to vent your emotions.

While arguing can help you feel better in the moment, it doesn't actually help you solve the underlying issues. It seems like you and your mom have tried and failed to communicate effectively on many occasions. This is totally normal! We all have different communication styles, and it can be challenging to find the right way to connect.

3⃣️, resentment

It's totally normal to feel bad after an argument. I get it. I'm sure there's an element of grievance and resentment there. Otherwise, you wouldn't want to tell her that you hate her.

I'm sure there's a lot going on in your relationship with your mom. From what you've told me, I can't quite figure out why you feel the way you do. If it's not too much trouble, could you tell me a bit more so I can try to understand?

2. Reasons for arguments

1⃣️, Accumulated resentment

I'm not sure what's behind all the arguments between you and your mom, but it seems like you have some unresolved issues. It's totally normal to have a grudge against your mom sometimes, but it's hard to communicate calmly when you feel that way.

2⃣️, poor communication style

It's so important to communicate effectively with our loved ones, especially our mothers. When we express our thoughts and emotions, we should try to use effective communication methods. This means speaking in a calm, respectful, and understanding manner, both in terms of attitude and tone of voice. It's also essential to be open to hearing other perspectives and being open to persuasion.

This can make it hard to understand each other and to communicate effectively.

3⃣️, due to personality

If you always communicate in a confrontational manner, you might be seen as one of the following: a strong-willed person who likes to direct others and is quick to point the finger; or a critical and aggressive person. Since you said you felt bad and wanted to say that you hated your mother but didn't, you may be a critical and melancholy person.

People with an accusatory personality

The "blame type" will often get on your nerves because they're constantly blaming other people or the environment to protect themselves. It's important to remember that blame means contempt for others. It's more about considering your own situation and feelings, and not caring too much about the feelings of others.

People who are blame-oriented often ignore others, are used to attacking and criticizing, and pass the buck.

Let's talk about radical personalities!

A radical personality has some great qualities!

These folks are strong-willed, action-oriented, and full of energy. They're driven by a desire to achieve great things!

On the bright side, you're courageous and decisive, you persevere to the end, and you're undaunted by difficulties. Plus, you're self-disciplined!

Weaknesses: hot-tempered, lacking in empathy, too stubborn, arrogant, and complacent.

If you have a melancholic personality, you may find that you:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

Pros: sensitive, loyal, talented, insightful

We all have our moments! Some of us are a little stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, or passive.

3. How should you handle your relationship with your mom?

You're wondering if you should tell your mom you hate her. I'd love to know what you're hoping to achieve by sharing this with her.

I'd love to know if you're hoping to make her stop treating you the way she used to, or if you just want her to know how you feel.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

1⃣️ Family Relationships

Family relationships

Family relationships are all about the connections between family members, including in-laws, blood relatives, and even those we adopt. The nuclear family is made up of a husband and wife, parents and children, and siblings.

We all want our relationships to be harmonious, don't we?

We all want our families to be happy and loving. Having a happy family makes us feel good and gives us the motivation to keep going. It's not just one person's job to make a family happy and loving, it's something we all have to do together.

It's so important to remember that creating a harmonious family relationship is inseparable from the way people get along with each other.

Let's talk about interpersonal relationships!

Interpersonal relationships are all about family, close friends, and colleagues. When we have good relationships with the people around us, it makes our families happy and close-knit, and it helps us have great friendships.

It's so important for co-workers to cooperate with each other in a friendly, amicable way. And customers should benefit each other reciprocally.

Family relationships are the very essence of interpersonal relationships. If you find it challenging to get along with your parents and siblings in your little family, it might affect your relationships with others outside your home. It's totally normal to have differences with your family members, but it's important to try to find ways to communicate and connect with each other.

So, it's really important to have a good relationship with your parents. It's a big step as you start your journey into the wider world.

We all have conflicts with our parents from time to time, and there are many reasons why. Differences in age, thinking, experience, and educational background are just a few. It's totally normal! The key to handling these situations is to solve them as quickly as possible.

In other words, telling your mom you hate her isn't going to help you solve the problem you're having.

2⃣️, Problem-solving methods

It's so important to understand each other's real needs.

It seems like you and your mom must have had a little disagreement because one of your needs wasn't met, or maybe you just had a difference of opinion. Either way, it's totally normal! At this point, it would be really helpful for you both to take a deep breath and listen to each other.

Empathy is a wonderful thing!

It's so important to listen to what the other person is saying and to try to understand their perspective. You might be surprised at how similar everyone's goals actually are, even if they're expressed differently.

You might find that the issue you're arguing about isn't actually that big of a deal. It's just that when you're in the heat of the moment, it's easy to think in catastrophic terms, which can make communication a bit tricky.

Take a deep breath and think about what you can do to make the other person happy, or what you can do to make yourself happy. When you're calm, you'll be able to come up with lots of solutions to help you solve your problems.

The questioner may have some helpful advice for you on how to improve your relationship with your mother.

Let's talk about effective communication!

Let's talk about effective communication!

Communication is all about sharing information with someone and hoping they'll respond in a way that makes you happy. If you succeed in this, you've achieved effective communication!

It's so important to remember that communication involves both verbal and non-verbal messages. Often, the non-verbal part is more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is really key when it comes to dealing with relationships with other people, especially in the family.

Let's look at some steps to effective communication.

I'm so happy to share with you the four steps to effective communication!

Step 1: Let's start by expressing our feelings, not just emotions.

Step 2: It's so important to express what you want, not what you don't want. Let your feelings out! Express that you are angry, not that you are angry about expressing it.

Step 3: It's so important to express your needs, not just your complaints. Nobody likes to be guessed at!

Step 4: Let's look at the big picture! Express where you want to go, not where you don't. Focus on the end result, not on the event itself.

When you have a conflict with your mom, it's so important to communicate with her effectively. This will really help you resolve your emotional problems!

3⃣, Expressions of love

Home is a wonderful haven of love!

Some folks say that family isn't a place for reasoning, but a place for love. And home is a haven of love! With love, home feels warm and cozy.

It's often said that love can be passed on and expressed, and that it is passed on from bottom to top. But the truth is, the expression and passing on of love is not as strict as that. It's also possible to express and pass it on from top to bottom!

Let's talk about the different ways we show our love for each other!

We all understand love in our own way, and we all express and receive love in different ways too. Dr. Gary Chapman has come up with a way of understanding the different ways we show and receive love. He says there are five "languages of love": "affirming words", "spending time together", "gifts", "acts of service" and "physical touch".

? Affirming words

We all need a little praise and affirmation from our friends, colleagues, lovers, spouses, parents, and children. And the more positive feedback we give, the stronger our mutual affection will be!

? Moments

A special moment is a wonderful time and memory shared by both of you. It could be something as simple as a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. During this time, give your full attention to the other person.

And of course, accepting gifts is always a lovely thing to do!

Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a lovely ritual that can really bring two people together. It's not just the gift itself that matters, but the sense of ritual and tradition that it represents.

Service actions are a great way to show your love and appreciation for others. They can be as simple as holding hands, hugging, or other forms of physical contact. These gestures not only express your love but also create a deeper bond with the person you're interacting with.

In a nutshell, it's all about doing what your loved one wants you to do and making them happy by helping them out with little things in life.

And of course, there's physical contact!

Holding hands, hugging, and other physical contact can really help to increase feelings for each other. It's a wonderful way to show love and affection, and it's a language all of its own.

Once you've figured out what your mom really means to you, it'll be easier to show her how much you love her. Showing love to your mom is a great way to make your relationship even stronger!

4. Learn to manage your emotions.

And last but not least, learning to manage your emotions is a really important lesson for you to help you handle your relationships with your parents, your family, and with other people. So, what is emotion management?

It's so important to be able to recognize your own emotions.

This is the first step to managing your emotions. When you feel emotions, it's important to recognize what they are. For example, you might feel anxiety, anger, sadness, or something else.

It's so important to accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions are emotions that are in line with what's going on around you. When your feelings match up with what's actually happening, the first thing you can do is tell yourself, "My current emotions are normal." This is called accepting your emotions.

This means that any stress and strain will start to melt away, and your heart will feel at peace once more.

It's so important to express your emotions!

It's so important to express your emotions! When you express your feelings, you're letting others know that you're feeling a certain way. It's okay to say "I... , my feelings...".

Cultivating emotions

We all know that managing our emotions is a skill that takes practice. And the good news is that there are lots of ways to cultivate and practice this skill! Here are just a few:

1) And, you know, living a regular life will also help to keep your emotions nice and stable!

2) Treat yourself to a new hobby! Let your positive emotions drive you, love yourself and love life, and feel the beauty of life.

(3) Look after others and care for them, let love dwell in your heart. There's nothing more joyful than helping others, and helping them to help themselves too!

(4) Get in touch with nature and soak up the beauty of the world around you. This will help you to think more clearly and feel more calm and stable.

5) It's a great idea to make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people. This will help you to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

Questioner, I really hope you can handle your relationship with your mother. I've shared some thoughts above that I hope you'll find helpful.

Wishing you all the best!

From your description, I can clearly see your conflict and sense of helplessness.

As a psychological counselor, I can help you understand your feelings from a psychological perspective. You have conflicting feelings towards your mother. Intellectually, you should love her, but emotionally, you feel a lot of anger, hatred, and helplessness towards some of her actions.

This conflict will lead to confusion and anxiety in you. You need to decide how you should get along with your mother. Do you need to tell her that you hate her?

I need to express this.

You're now in your teens, aged 12-18. This is a time when children want to be themselves, and when they do, conflicts with their mothers will arise. In the past, we were told to obey our mothers. Now we have our own ideas, and this is the growth of the self. Congratulations, you're on your way to becoming yourself.

Second, if you have dissatisfaction with your mother, you can and should express it. Do so by stating the details and using descriptions to express your emotions. For example, "Mom, I'm upset about what you asked me to do today because I have my own ideas and I think there are urgent things that need to be done." This is expressing anger in words. The hatred you describe is a bit general and will only destroy your relationship and separate your emotions.

Describe things, your feelings, and your emotions. Name your emotions to be clear about your state.

You must integrate your state. Psychology has a defense mechanism called dissociation. When you have a good relationship with your mother, you will think she is a good mother who loves and understands you.

You feel that this is a bad mother, rude, unreasonable, etc. This is a kind of division, a mechanism, but what we need is to look at a person in an integrated way. She is just something that makes you unhappy, and you cannot be understood by a partial concept.

Your expression today is also part of your growth. You must be brave and express your helplessness and conflicts so that more teachers can see your request for help and give you help and support from different dimensions. The world and I love you. You must learn to love yourself.