I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, but my future mother-in-law is too dominant. Should we break up?

Dear question owner, I empathize with your situation. You have positive feelings towards your boyfriend, yet you perceive his mother as somewhat overbearing and believe she may not be able to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic. Additionally, you have reservations about certain habits your boyfriend exhibits, which leaves you in a state of constant internal conflict and indecision.

It is advisable to avoid hasty decision-making. It is important to take time to reflect and to listen to one's inner voice in order to ascertain the type of love and the characteristics of a suitable partner. While it is important to recognise that nobody is perfect, it is also important to be satisfied with a partner who meets at least 60-70% of one's needs.

Let us proceed to an examination of the current situation.

The couple in question has formed a positive relationship and is contemplating marriage. However, following an increase in familiarity with the mother and an awareness of her past experiences, the individual in question has developed a negative perception of her character, associating her with traits such as excessive realism and calculation. This has led to a sense of unease and apprehension regarding the prospect of future interactions with her as a mother-in-law. Consequently, the individual is contemplating the dissolution of the relationship.

It would be prudent to reconsider the decision to terminate the relationship due to the boy's mother, as it may be premature. It would be beneficial to ascertain your boyfriend's perspective and attitude towards his mother. Given that you will be residing together in the future, this presents an invaluable opportunity to assess your boyfriend's values.

The aforementioned circumstances are presented as follows:

Despite the affluence of the boyfriend's family, he is a parsimonious individual who does not squander resources on food and clothing. He leads a relatively austere lifestyle, which I consider a commendable trait. Wealth is accumulated in this manner, gradually and steadily.

The boyfriend's indifference to the circumstances of your family demonstrates that he values you as an individual above any other considerations. His mother is unhappy and believes that you and her son are not an appropriate match. I believe that social status is an important factor in a relationship, as children's character and values are shaped by different family upbringings and economic environments. There should not be a significant difference in social status, as it can lead to difficulties in the relationship.

In light of the circumstances, it is evident that the boyfriend's mother is creating obstacles for the individual in question through her actions. Such conduct continues to negatively impact the individual's self-esteem. The tendency to evaluate an individual's character based on their family background can be attributed to the fact that the boyfriend's mother has personally experienced these circumstances. Her own mentality and perception shape her understanding of the world, leading her to believe that others hold similar views.

The following is a reference.

The questioner's boyfriend is also striving to safeguard her interests within the context of their relationship. It can be posited that he holds her in high regard. It may be beneficial to allow for further time to elapse, after which a decision can be made regarding the future trajectory of the relationship in light of the circumstances.

One can ascertain one's boyfriend's opinions by getting married. Does he possess the capacity to reside independently, or does he require the continued presence of his parents? It is not productive to dwell on the challenges associated with your boyfriend's mother. It is inevitable that conflicts will emerge when one lives with one's family for an extended period, particularly when one's mother is involved.

Should one be able to live separately, with one's partner retaining their own opinions and ideas, and with their original family having had little to no influence, the potential for happiness in the relationship remains a foreseeable outcome.

The decision to love and marry is a personal one, yet the choice of a partner is ultimately up to the individual. As long as both sides of the family respect the autonomy of the newly formed couple, the relationship will likely flourish.

It is crucial to ascertain whether the affection you hold for your partner is genuine. It is important to recognize that your partner is an individual with their own identity, separate from their familial identity. Learning to distinguish between these two aspects is essential for a healthy relationship. This process of differentiation is not merely physical or material, but also spiritual and mental. It requires a conscious effort to recognize the unique identity of your partner and to maintain a clear boundary between their individuality and their relationship with you. If your partner is willing to embrace this process of differentiation and is committed to working through their relationship with their parents, it can facilitate your own personal growth and the growth of your relationship.

The aforementioned considerations represent my own opinions. It is my hope that they will prove useful to the questioner. I wish the questioner the best of luck. Liu Qi

Hello! From your description, I can sense the conflict and painful struggle you are going through between wanting to give up on your boyfriend and not wanting to.

I want to start by saying that I think you're doing a great job!

You and your boyfriend were very close and had already planned to get married. However, after getting to know your boyfriend's parents, you feel that there might be some differences in opinion between you and his mother. It seems that you don't see eye to eye on everything, and that there might be some challenges ahead.

I can sense your concern about the quality of your future marriage and your pessimism about the relationship with your mother-in-law. I just wanted to affirm that you are a very rational, independent, and confident girl with a long-term perspective and good character.

You consider marriage to be a rational decision and believe that a good marriage should be based on more than just the strength of the relationship with your boyfriend. You also feel that it is important to have a harmonious relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. You are an independent person with good abilities and a good job.

You are a very strong person, and these are all your strengths and resources!

Let's revisit the concerns you've shared and explore potential solutions together.

You mentioned that you and your boyfriend are planning to get married, so you have already had the opportunity to meet his parents. You have been in contact with his parents for a few months now.

You have been getting to know his mother and, as time has passed, you have formed the impression that she is not the most agreeable of individuals.

From what I understand, it seems that your boyfriend and his parents approve of you, and his mother has not expressed any disapproval. It's just that you feel that his mother is not quite to your liking.

You mentioned that his mother was not well-off and came from a poor family. It seems that she got pregnant before marriage and married the boyfriend's father (the boyfriend's grandfather was rich).

After marriage, she employed various tactics to try to influence her boyfriend's father to distance himself from the family. Her boyfriend's family had a strained relationship with her grandparents and were largely estranged from them.

I believe she has been supporting her family all along. Could you please tell me how you obtained this information and what your thoughts are on it?

Could I ask you to clarify whether these comments are being made because of this situation, or is it simply the way you get along with her that makes you feel this way? And would you be able to tell me whether you plan to live together in the future?

I kindly ask that you reflect on these questions, as they are of great importance to you and your marriage.

You have mentioned that your family circumstances are not ideal, and your boyfriend is aware of this even without being together. It seems that this is not a concern for him. He is typically quite frugal, and his expenses related to food, clothing, and living are within the average range. You have not inquired about his family situation.

I sense that you two have a strong foundation of honesty and shared values and beliefs. You both have a straightforward and uncomplicated approach to life. I admire that quality in you both!

It seems that her mother may have the impression that you were somewhat hasty in marrying her son, perhaps with the intention of changing your fate. I'm not sure if this is simply your conjecture or if there is evidence to support this way of thinking.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to figure this out. It might also be beneficial for you to observe and understand more in your actual interactions, and communicate more.

You mentioned that your family's financial situation is not as secure as you would like, but you feel confident in your abilities and work. I believe that you have been able to navigate the challenges of a less affluent family background and have developed a strong sense of self and career.

You mentioned that his mother may not have approved of you and that there was no dowry planned. It seems that a three-gold wedding may not be an option either.

I can sense your frustration and disappointment at not being acknowledged. It also seems unfair.

You mentioned that you have a decent job and a good appearance, and it seems like your boyfriend's mother views these as a reflection of her own success. I get the impression that you also see these qualities as a reflection of your own achievements.

Do you feel that your boyfriend's mother has a strong influence on you? How do you feel when I say this?

I believe your boyfriend plans to use his savings to pay for it.

From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend is a kind and thoughtful person.

But you feel that if her mother disapproves of you, it might be better to end the relationship, as it would make your future more secure.

I sense that, despite being expressed in an angry tone, your words also reveal a deep concern for your boyfriend's mother and a genuine desire for her approval and acceptance. I'm curious to know your thoughts on what I've said.

At a later point in our conversation, you mentioned that you have a good relationship with your boyfriend and that you're reluctant to end the relationship after so many years.

From what you've told me, it seems that you still have strong feelings for your boyfriend. Otherwise, it would be easier for you to make a decision and move on.

I would like to suggest that you consider the importance of sincerity and boundaries in your relationship with your boyfriend, as well as in the various relationships in your extended family. I believe that working together to face these issues head-on is essential for your future together. It is inevitable that you will face challenges as you navigate your relationship and your family, and avoiding them is not the solution.

I would like to suggest that as long as you and your boyfriend have a strong relationship and are determined to face all problems together, you will probably find the most suitable solutions and methods.

Perhaps it would be helpful to communicate more with your boyfriend or learn how to communicate with your mother. This could potentially lead to a different result.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful. I wish you happiness!

Hello, my dear friend!

From what you've told me, it seems like you have a few different options to think about. Option A is that your boyfriend is a great guy, but his mother isn't quite as great. It seems like you might not be willing or able to invest in a relationship with her after marriage. Option B is that you don't know what the future holds. It's possible that you'll never meet someone as good as your boyfriend again, and it's also possible that you'll meet someone even better. Given your current situation, where you're not sure if you can handle a relationship with his mother, I can understand your mixed feelings.

Some folks say, "Love is a matter of two people, marriage is a matter of two families." I totally agree with that!

When you're in love, you care about him, and it's clear from your story that you approve of him. When facing marriage, you find that his mother has a certain prejudice against you, which has a realistic impact on your relationship with her.

Based on what you've told me, I'd love to share some thoughts on what I might do if I were in your shoes.

First, I need to be clear about who I'll be spending the next few decades with and whether I trust him. If he were right in front of me, I'd put my money on it! It's not easy to find someone you can trust, but it's worth looking for.

A few decades of life, trusting yourself, and having a trustworthy person by your side is the greatest guarantee. If he isn't there yet, that's okay!

Secondly, we can't predict the future, so it's best to just go with the flow. Have faith in yourself. You can either stand your ground or take a step back. There are no hard and fast rules in life. Your main priority is to look after yourself.

Good day, host.

Your boyfriend has initiated discussions regarding marriage, yet his mother has expressed disdain for you and is unwilling to provide a bride price. It is unlikely that a three-gold wedding will be arranged.

Given these circumstances, the decision of whether or not to get married is indeed a challenging one. Let us examine it together.

Historically, the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China has been fraught with challenges. The ancient tale "The Peacock Flying South-East" and the contemporary TV series "Double-Sided Tape" both depict marital strife resulting from discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Many individuals have expressed apprehension about marriage following the observation of these narratives. Such scenarios are not mere fiction; they reflect real-life experiences, with some outcomes being even more unfortunate than those depicted on screen. It is, therefore, prudent to gain insight into your future mother-in-law's expectations and practices before marriage. The gift money provides an opportunity to gain a glimpse into her perspective. It is essential to approach marriage with a comprehensive understanding of its implications, recognizing that it is not merely a personal union but a reflection of the larger family structure.

Ultimately, no one can make decisions for you, as you are the most knowledgeable about your own circumstances. For your consideration, we have provided some suggestions:

1. The attitude of the husband is of great consequence. The occurrence of marital misfortune often involves a husband who is indecisive and fails to take a clear stance on the issues at hand. This often results in a stalemate and further exacerbates the situation. Therefore, it is crucial for the original poster to assess her husband's ability to make firm decisions and distinguish between right and wrong. This is of paramount importance.

2. It is important to establish boundaries with your mother-in-law and other family members, including your parents, after marriage. The newly formed family unit should be given priority over the interests of your original families. It is essential to focus your energy on running your own family unit. If your financial situation allows, it is preferable not to live with your mother-in-law. If this is not feasible, it is important to communicate clearly with your mother-in-law and father-in-law about your desire to make your own decisions and to live independently. However, in the long run, it is often more beneficial to live separately.

3. In light of the aforementioned considerations, it is imperative to underscore that the decision to marry is ultimately a matter for the two individuals involved. Given the duration of your relationship and the strength of your feelings for each other, it is advisable to prepare for this transition together. It is crucial to avoid becoming unduly anxious or fearful about marriage. After all, life will inevitably present a range of challenges, and issues beyond those related to in-law relationships may arise. It is important to recognise that the decision to marry may not be irrevocable, and the host should therefore consider the matter carefully.

4. In this region, gift-giving is not a common practice. While these traditions are generally considered positive, there is no obligation to provide gifts. You need not be concerned about this aspect, as you are already a highly capable individual. It is unnecessary to rely on material gifts to demonstrate one's excellence, as personal qualities and abilities are sufficient in themselves.

5. If you get married, you should continue to develop your skills. You should work with your husband to make the marriage work and also have your career well-organized. Work is a woman's foundation. If you have the ability to earn money and are confident, you will most likely not be wronged by your mother-in-law because you have worked hard in society and can handle various tasks.

Life presents us with many unknowns. Our best course of action is to be ourselves, face these unknowns with courage, and believe that they will improve. We must take action.

Hello!

What a great question! I can see the girl's amazing sense of confidence, rationality, and maturity.

She's not weighed down by excessive giving and doesn't feel inferior because her boyfriend is quite well-off. She believes that a healthy intimate relationship should be equal, and she's ready to make it happen! This is the awakening of modern women, and it's also the formation of the independent personality of the questioner. She's brave in expressing her needs, not catering to the environment and others, and not being emotionally kidnapped. This is really praiseworthy!

But why are women more likely to be self-doubting and indecisive when it comes to marriage? Well, in the historically male-dominated marriage model, as well as in Chinese-style marriage and family relationships, women are burdened with more emotional distress and a greater sense of responsibility. On the one hand, they need to bear the responsibility of giving birth and raising children; on the other hand, they also need to maintain a good relationship between the two families. This is a very test of a woman's ability and wisdom in running a family. And it's a test that women can absolutely pass with flying colors!

It's great that men can live in familiar surroundings without having to change their environment. They experience less emotional stress than women, which is a huge plus! When conflicts or disagreements arise, if the man does not have a high capacity for self-reflection, he may believe that it is the involvement of an external force (the wife) that has caused the stability of the family to break down. He will blame the woman for the problem, and the involvement of the mother-in-law will undoubtedly make matters worse, amplifying the problem and making the woman feel isolated and helpless. But there's a way to turn this around!

So, while both family members need to take responsibility for how they understand marriage and how to maintain a healthy intimate relationship, the most important part is still the quality of the intimate relationship!

The questioner and the future mother-in-law are both prone to "preconceived notions" and preventive measures when encountering problems, which is great because it means they're proactive! However, this can also lead to conflicts and disputes due to lack of understanding or incomplete information. Because both sides have their own concerns and insecurities, and are always alert to changes in the outside world, their emotions will be very sensitive, and it is easy to amplify their inner feelings of unease when things happen.

When two women clash, it is an amazing opportunity for the boyfriend, who acts as a bridge, to show his ability to handle the situation. He gets to minimize major problems and resolve minor ones, while making both parties feel emotionally cared for and valued. This requires a higher level of awareness and a wise but seemingly foolish emotional intelligence. If the current boyfriend lacks this ability, the questioner gets to reconsider their own needs in the relationship, adjust them, or give up.

My family is not well-off either. My boyfriend knew that as soon as we started going out, and he didn't care. He's usually very frugal, and his food and clothing are very average. I also never thought about his family's financial situation. But his mother thinks that I'm like her back then, and I married him just to change my fate.

However, in the description, it is noticed that the questioner can clearly understand the thoughts of his future mother-in-law, which is a great sign! This is most likely because the boyfriend directly and unfiltered conveyed this information to him, or it could be that the questioner learned this information through actual contact with his future mother-in-law, which is fantastic! If it is the former, then it shows that the boyfriend has the ability to think from another's perspective, which is a wonderful quality to have. When problems arise in the relationship, he is able to handle the relationship well, which is great! If the same problems arise in the future, he may also find it difficult to change the current situation, which is an opportunity for growth! If it is the latter, then considering the "not very intelligent" aspect of the future mother-in-law, because such self-exposure does not win any honor for oneself, it will only make the future daughter-in-law stay away from her and change her opinion of her boyfriend's family, which is a chance for her to learn and grow! And if the future mother-in-law does not care about the situation, it is very likely that she has not seriously considered accepting the other party, which is an opportunity for the boyfriend to show her what she is missing out on!

So, how do you choose an ideal marriage? The answer is simple: choose the marriage that will bring you happiness! It all depends on your needs. Only the marriage that you truly yearn for in your heart can give you the driving force to manage the happiness of your family and marriage. And what is the essence of marriage? Intimacy!

Best of luck, and keep at it!

Dear question asker,

I am a healing practitioner, and I would be happy to give you a big hug. I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, but my future mother-in-law is quite dominant. Do you think there might be room for improvement in the relationship?

In the world of relationships, there is no definitive right or wrong, only a matter of whether someone is a good fit. In the family, the father is the mountain and the mother is the family tradition. It is no exaggeration to say that a woman plays a significant role in determining the family for three generations. The influence of the original family on the individual will be brought into the new family. Although getting married is a matter for two people, it is more about the integration of the culture, lifestyle and values of the two families. We often say that the main support for starting a family is not just material, but also the process of integrating personalities. The strength of a boyfriend's mother also comes from the degree of personal worry, decision-making and the importance of the position in the family. Strength can be a sign of inner weakness, and it can also be a habit. In a family, the accommodation and tolerance of other people is not only a loss of rights, but also a sign of evading responsibility.

Given the way she behaves and the habits she has, it is understandable that you feel fearful about your future life and find it difficult to get along with her. If the relationship is deep, there is no problem that cannot be communicated. However, if the future does not look promising, even if the relationship is good, it may be worth considering that entering into marriage and joining life in the future may have consequences that we cannot control.

I am getting married to my boyfriend, so I have already had the opportunity to meet his parents. I have been in contact with his parents for a few months now.

I can't help but feel that his mother is a rather intimidating figure. I imagine you've been pondering this for more than a day or two and have also been adjusting your mindset in response. When we encounter such elders, our biggest concern is often the future of our married life. If the elders become overly involved, the husband often feels he has no choice but to side with them, making it challenging to weigh the pros and cons to satisfy both parties. It's concerning to see how you've defined a conflict and an uncontrollable temperament. Is there another way we could approach this problem? If not, perhaps we could sit down and have a constructive conversation with your boyfriend's family?

His mother had some personal qualities that could be perceived as lacking, and she came from a family that was not particularly well-off. She became pregnant before marriage and married her boyfriend's father (who was the grandfather of her boyfriend). Given the circumstances of her upbringing,

It is possible that the woman's family felt that her father's family owed her something, which may have shaped her personality. After marriage, she used every means possible to try to encourage her boyfriend's father to reconsider his relationship with his family. Her boyfriend's family did not have a close relationship with her grandparents and were not particularly familiar with them.

However, she has been supporting her family. There is a Chinese saying that goes, "The daughter-in-law faces her parents-in-law's constant difficulties for her husband. The parents-in-law want to properly educate their son, but the daughter-in-law says, 'I don't care about your education of your own children, but you can't do it with my husband.'"

Perhaps he could have considered his wife's feelings more carefully, which might have helped to rebuild trust with his parents. As a husband, he could have handled the situation better. From another perspective, was he being fair to his grandparents who raised him? The dilemma of loyalty versus filial piety is that happiness often seems to be built on the pain of others.

My family is not particularly well-off, and my boyfriend was aware of this before we got together. He didn't seem to mind. He's usually very careful with money, and his clothing and food are all very average. I've never really thought about what his family's situation is like. But his mother seems to think that I'm like her back then, and I married him just to change my fate.

While your family may not be as well-off as you would like, you believe your abilities and work are not in question. His mother does not seem inclined to offer a bride price, and it seems unlikely that a three-gold wedding will be arranged.

From her perspective, your mother values your job and appearance. However, her views on marriage seem to be somewhat contradictory. On the one hand, she wants her daughter to marry someone who is as good as she is. On the other hand, she feels that your external conditions are not something you can encounter every time. It seems that she is still suspicious and has multiple options to consider.

Although her boyfriend plans to use his savings to do so, she feels that if her mother looks down on her, it might be best to just split up, because she's not sure she'll have a good life in the future.

I believe there is a reason for this mentality. It seems that your current conflicted state of mind is because you have a good relationship with your boyfriend and you don't want to let go of the relationship after all these years. In fact, it seems that you don't really know whether you want to break up or not. It seems that you have already made up your mind, but you are a little reluctant to let go of the relationship you have nurtured for so many years. When it comes to relationships, it is not always the material things that play a big role. It seems that your boyfriend's mother's petty jealousy is obvious to outsiders. Based on your situation, I have a few suggestions for you:

A relationship that has lasted many years is a precious thing to everyone involved. As an outsider, we can see that there is a saying that "it is better to demolish ten temples than to break up a marriage." From the way your boyfriend's mother treats you, it seems that there is an imbalance in the relationship. This inequality is essentially about material things and the perception that you are trying to climb the social ladder. As you have experienced it, I think you should have sensed it long ago. The hope for a relationship is even stronger because of your boyfriend's personality. Since his mother can control him, you should be able to influence him as well. But after all, you will have to integrate with your boyfriend's family in the future. If you and your future mother-in-law have the same mentality, it will naturally be difficult to win. It will indeed be very hard for your boyfriend. No matter how much he likes and loves you, he cannot give you a sense of security. This is one of the key factors in your uncertainty about the future. Your advantages are obvious, and you are not lacking in suitors. At the same time, I just want to ask for other people's opinions. Is there a need to fight for it again? Even if you marry into such a family in the future, conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are inevitable.

If you have other thoughts, it might be best to consider whether accommodating too much is the right approach. As a woman, if you put up with too much before marriage, it could potentially lead to challenges after marriage. A true relationship that can stand the test of time is realistic. It's important to be careful with your emotions and think rationally about it. It's valuable to understand what we really want deep down inside. Is it security?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether happiness or materialism is the greater priority.

Women often play an important role in maintaining family traditions and influencing the dynamics of blended families. While your boyfriend's love for you is evident, it might be challenging for him to make decisions regarding your mother. In such cases, it's crucial to find a swift and amicable resolution. A well-managed separation can be a positive outcome, even if it's not the ideal solution.

If the man's parents truly value this relationship with their son, it may be helpful to consider making some changes. Either you could try to adapt, or the future mother-in-law could try to adapt. Perhaps this could be an opportunity for growth. If neither party is able to do so, it might not be fair for one party to the other. It's just a marriage now, but in the future there will be differences in how the next generation is raised, as well as minor matters in the family. In short, either try to accommodate or consider other options.

Please note that the suggestions are for reference only. We hope that the world can connect you and me in the best way possible. All the best!

Dear Question Asker, I am a Heart Detective coach. It is unwise to be arrogant or to seek conflict.

I have carefully read the problems and confusions you described on the platform. Are you experiencing difficulties with relationship management? You have discussed marriage with your boyfriend and have been in contact with his parents for some time. However, you have gradually come to realize that his mother possesses a particularly strong personality and is quite intimidating. His family situation is relatively complex, but it is evident that his mother's personality is notably assertive, whether it is directed towards individuals or objects. You perceive that his mother does not respect you and has not even expressed intentions to present you with a wedding gift or the three golds. This makes you feel uneasy, yet your relationship with your boyfriend is quite positive, and you are reluctant to terminate it. If you do not separate, his mother's strength poses a significant challenge.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a complex psychological state. On the one hand, you are expressing concerns and apprehensions about your prospective marriage, while on the other hand, you are struggling to move on from this relationship. It appears that you are in a state of stalemate, yet there seems to be no optimal approach to resolve and navigate this situation. What is the most appropriate course of action for you to take?

I will assist you in analyzing and organizing the relevant information.

1. It is advisable to adopt a calm and rational approach.

Indeed, when faced with such a situation, regardless of the choice made, the decision will be challenging. The most difficult aspect to determine is the nature of the relationship with one's boyfriend. Is it preferable to concede easily due to the difficulty in getting along with his mother? However, in the future, after marriage, the couple will be living their own lives.

In light of these circumstances, it may be prudent to consider alternative living arrangements. With regard to the marriage gifts and the three gold items, it would be advisable to allow your boyfriend to present them to you. This is not a matter of financial gain, but rather a question of whether the other person holds you in high regard. It is important not to allow sentimentality to cloud your judgment and to prioritize your own future happiness.

2. It is inadvisable to confront the matter directly.

Given that the other party is your boyfriend's mother, it is advisable to exercise caution. Frequently, strong women exhibit a pronounced sense of possession and control. Should you fail to comply with her wishes, she may become visibly upset and emotional. She will likely exert considerable influence over your life and make all the decisions. For instance, she may be reluctant to pay the bride price for the wedding, let alone any other expenses. Consequently, if you are able to accept such a mother-in-law, it may be necessary to emulate her in certain respects. You should strive to perform your superficial tasks well and avoid direct conflicts. Regardless of your future mother-in-law's demands, as long as they are not excessive, you should comply with them to the greatest extent possible. If the other person is in the wrong, you should also point it out, but do so in a gentle manner.

3. A solution must be tailored to the specific problem at hand.

One possible course of action would be to attempt to elucidate the issue to your partner, articulating your genuine expectations, and allowing him to assume a leadership role. It may be beneficial to ascertain the underlying reason behind your parents' reluctance to offer a bride price. Is it due to the existing family dynamics between you, or are there other factors that can be addressed? In the event that a resolution is not feasible, it might be advantageous to facilitate more communication between your partner and your parents, particularly with the objective of persuading his mother.

4. "Attitude determines everything."

It is crucial to ascertain your boyfriend's stance on this matter. While a mother may possess strength and influence within the family unit, it is imperative that your boyfriend does not exhibit excessive deference to his mother's opinions, particularly when they conflict with your feelings. This situation can be viewed as an emotional test to assess your boyfriend's ability to stand up to his parents on your behalf. Ideally, the matter would be resolved amicably, with greater harmony in your future relationship. However, if he is unable to maintain a firm position and his stance on the issue is becoming increasingly tenuous, it may be necessary to end the relationship sooner rather than later. This would avoid the necessity of enduring his mother's overbearing influence.

5. [Establish effective communication]

It would be advisable to arrange a meeting with your boyfriend to discuss the situation. This will allow you to communicate with him and ascertain his final attitude and plans for the future. It is important to remember that you should not compromise your principles for anyone or anything, and that seeking momentary happiness should not result in a lifetime of restlessness. It is essential to think carefully about the situation.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to you. Should you wish to continue this dialogue, you are invited to click on the link labelled "Find a Coach," which you will find in the lower right-hand corner of the page. I will then be happy to communicate with you on an individual basis. With best wishes,

Hello, host! I'm Whale Social Worker Gesanghua's Dream, and I'm so happy to be able to answer your questions here.

From what the host has told me about her future mother-in-law, I can tell that she's feeling a little anxious and afraid inside. I'd like to take a moment to share my thoughts on the host's concerns.

It seems there's a bit of a rocky road ahead! The mother-in-law's character is a bit of a concern, and the bride is worried that she and her mother-in-law won't get along. On top of that, the groom's family didn't offer a bride price, three gold pieces, or a wedding, which has left the host feeling a bit dissatisfied and like she's not being respected.

It's totally normal for the host to want to break up because she doesn't feel respected and recognized in her boyfriend's family. It's also totally understandable that she doesn't want to give up her years of relationship with her boyfriend. How to decide what's best really depends on what the host wants from marriage, what's most important to her, and what she's willing to compromise on.

It's important to remember that from a long-term perspective, it's inevitable to have contact with the mother-in-law after marriage, especially in terms of child-rearing. If the hostess is struggling to cope with the mother-in-law's temper, it might make life after marriage feel quite difficult. If the hostess is unwilling to give up her relationship with her boyfriend, it might help to think of some strategies to get along with her mother-in-law, at least to protect her own rights and interests. The attitude of her boyfriend is crucial. If her boyfriend is willing to protect her enough, that would be the best.

I really hope my answer can help you!

Wishing you all the best! [Yixinli Whale Social Worker]

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name]

Please accept this gesture of warmth and affection.

Your confusion: "My boyfriend and I are getting married, so we have already met his parents. I have been in contact with his parents for a few months now.

I am increasingly of the opinion that his mother is a highly objectionable individual. She is not financially well-off, hails from a poor family background, and became pregnant before marriage, subsequently marrying her boyfriend's father.

(My boyfriend's grandfather is wealthy.) Following the marriage, the bride used every means possible to incite her husband's father to break with the family. My boyfriend's family has a poor relationship with his grandparents, and they are like strangers.

However, she has been supporting her family. My family is not well-off either, and my boyfriend was aware of this before we got together. He did not express any concerns. He is usually very frugal, and his clothing and food are of average quality. I have never considered what his family's financial situation might be.

However, her mother believes that I am merely repeating her own actions from that period, marrying him involuntarily in order to alter her circumstances. Despite the perceived financial disadvantage of my family, I do not consider my abilities and work to be inadequate. Her mother holds a negative opinion of me and does not intend to provide a bride price.

Furthermore, a three-gold wedding is not an option. However, I have a stable job and I believe that my appearance will be an asset to her.

My boyfriend plans to use his savings to pay for it. However, I believe that if her mother looks down on me, it would be in our best interest to terminate the relationship, as it would not be beneficial for her future.

"However, my boyfriend and I have a good relationship, and I am reluctant to end all the years of affection we have enjoyed. I am unsure whether I should end the relationship."

From your description, I can see that you are an independent and strong-willed individual with a keen sense of observation. You have discovered that your mother-in-law married your father-in-law before they were married, and that she separated your father-in-law from his original family. You have also discovered that your mother-in-law did not provide you with a trousseau or a dowry.

Your mother-in-law appears to regard you with disdain, mirroring her own initial treatment of you.

I am contemplating a potential course of action. When you consider whether or not to take action, it demonstrates your own melancholy and indecision. In that case, it would be advisable to refrain from taking action.

To illustrate, consider the experience of shopping on Taobao. When faced with an item you are unsure about purchasing, you may initially feel that you don't truly need it.

If you proceed with the purchase, the item will simply fill up your home. When you are deciding whether or not to make the purchase, you can clearly see your own hesitation and indecision. If you recognize these feelings, it would be advisable to put the matter on hold for the time being. After all, you do not yet have any children, and many people choose to get married for reasons related to their children.

Married life is often fraught with challenges and difficulties, but it is a journey that must be traversed.

You are attributing the issue to your mother-in-law, suggesting that she is not accepting of you. However, is this an issue that only you and your mother-in-law need to address? Have you identified a specific shortcoming in the other person?

Your independence, strength, understanding, and outstanding qualities may have attracted someone gentle but lacking in those qualities. Love is a wonderful thing. It is often difficult to see the faults of the person you love, and your heart is with them.

However, marriage is about two people sharing the ups and downs together. It is therefore important to consider whether you can do this on your own.

Imagine a scenario where you are in the delivery room awaiting the birth of your child, and your husband is still grappling with the notion of your mother's reluctance to attend the event, anticipating a potentially contentious situation. Can you envisage that scenario?

If the answer is in the affirmative and unambiguous, then I am pleased to inform you that you may proceed with the marriage.

I extend my warmest regards to you and your loved ones.

Marriage is a significant life event. When there are misunderstandings before or at the beginning of marriage, it's natural to have concerns about the future of the marriage. Your concerns are understandable.

Furthermore, this treatment makes you feel disrespected and rejected, and even casts doubt on your relationship and your sincerity and love for him, which is really hurtful.

All of this has led to some hesitation and concern about the future of your intimate relationship.

From what I can gather, it seems that his mother may have a tendency to view you in a way that is similar to how she viewed her own daughter back then, with the assumption that you are only interested in her son for his money. This is a phenomenon that is commonly observed in psychology and is known as projection. It refers to the tendency to attribute thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that we may not want to admit to ourselves to others. It seems that his mother is suspicious of you and may be projecting her own thoughts onto you.

How might one go about breaking the projection?

1. It would be helpful to learn to recognize it. This requires a clear understanding of yourself, and whether you prioritize your feelings for each other or practical considerations. You have already said that you are not greedy for money and that you are reluctant to let go of your relationship.

If you're uncertain, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings.

2. Consider where your bottom line and principles lie, and act accordingly.

You have already expressed that you are capable of earning money, that you are not bad-looking, and that you are capable in every way. You have also stated that you can support yourself completely on your own. At this time, it would be beneficial for you and your boyfriend to discuss or negotiate that your future life will depend more on you and less on his family. If there is a conflict or his mother accuses you of something you did not do, your boyfriend's position is very important. He should stand firm and not take sides so that he can protect you and also protect your relationship and family.

If I might, I'd like to respectfully bring up your opinion of his mother.

It would be beneficial to base your knowledge on observation and some things are based on facts. There is a Western proverb that states, "There are no normal people in this world, only people we don't know."

In psychology, most of the reasons why a person becomes the way they are today are due to their experiences growing up. It might be helpful to try to understand her from a long-term historical perspective, as this could potentially lead to a reduction in your dislike of her and an increase in your understanding of her. This could, in turn, help to improve your relationship. However, it should be noted that this will likely require a significant investment of time and patience.

If I might offer my own experience, I believe that the most important aspect of marriage is the relationship between husband and wife. It is evident that your boyfriend treats you well. You may wish to consider giving him your own money as a bride price. A relationship that is also based on financial stability is likely to be more resilient. For example, you might choose not to give a bride price, etc. It is perfectly acceptable to adapt these customs and traditions to suit your circumstances. You may wish to give a token amount or whatever is within your means. This is about ensuring that you maintain your dignity. Lowering the threshold yourself may inadvertently lead to people who belittle themselves looking down on you even more.

I know it's not easy, but I just wanted to say that your attitude and approach are very important, especially your boyfriend's attitude and position.

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I have come to recognize that learning represents the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including inner turmoil, hesitation, worry, fear, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

Your concern is that your future life with your future mother-in-law will be unhappy due to her dominant personality. Without delving into the specifics, I offer three pieces of advice:

Firstly, it is recommended that an effort be made to gain an understanding of one's own self and to accept the circumstances that one finds oneself in.

Such an approach will result in a slight alleviation of distress, which in turn will facilitate the formulation of a plan of action.

You indicate that you and your partner have a positive relationship and are planning to marry. However, following several months of interaction with his parents, you discovered that his mother is problematic. She attempted to arrange a marriage between your partner and his father, has a strained relationship with his grandparents, and is also highly determined. You perceive that his mother may hold you in low regard and is unlikely to provide a dowry, prompting you to consider ending the relationship. It is understandable that you have these concerns, as marriage involves the integration of two families, and a poor relationship with the mother-in-law can potentially impact the dynamics between the husband and wife. Given your understanding and awareness of your partner's mother's strong personality, it is natural to experience hesitation about the relationship. Therefore, it is recommended that you focus on self-understanding and self-comfort. Visualize the painful, uncertain, and hesitant self, recognizing that it is currently unsure of the best course of action. This will help to redirect your attention away from negative thoughts and emotions.

Furthermore, allowing oneself to understand one's own self and accept one's current state will facilitate the promotion of change in the status quo. This may appear to be a paradoxical assertion, but it is, in fact, an accurate representation of the underlying truth, as change is predicated on the acceptance of the status quo.

Secondly, it is recommended that you undertake a rational assessment of your own state.

Rational thinking can assist in developing a more nuanced understanding of oneself and one's circumstances.

In order to adopt a rational perspective on the situation, it is necessary to undertake two distinct actions.

It is important to recognize that while a formidable mother-in-law may have an impact on the dynamics of the marriage, a harmonious union is the foundation for a fulfilling life.

In other words, if the couple has a positive relationship, they can navigate the influence of a demanding mother-in-law.

In your description, you indicated that you and your boyfriend have a very good relationship. With regard to the matter of the bride price, your boyfriend stated that he intends to pay it with his savings and that he is indifferent to the fact that your family is of average means. These factors will contribute to your happiness after marriage.

It is essential to recognize that the primary objective of marriage is to establish a committed and fulfilling relationship with one's partner.

Secondly, it will become apparent that the status quo can be altered if one is willing to make the necessary changes.

Once subjective initiative has been exerted, the state of mind and feelings towards the future mother-in-law may gradually dissipate, and a corresponding improvement in mood may be observed.

It is recommended that you focus on your own well-being and consider what you can do to improve your situation. This will enable you to make an informed decision about the best course of action.

For example, a productive dialogue with one's partner can be initiated to express concerns and listen to their perspective. This can be an effective method to alleviate negative emotions and foster a sense of confidence in the relationship. Additionally, it is likely that the partner will reassure the individual about the situation with the mother-in-law, indicating that they will handle it. This can further reinforce the individual's confidence in the relationship.

Even if your boyfriend is unable to persuade his mother to provide a bride price, if you believe he truly loves you and you are willing to endure a certain degree of hardship for him, you can still remain together. Ultimately, the happiness of your married life depends on the strength of your relationship. The key is whether you trust your boyfriend and believe in your relationship. If you do, I believe you should continue dating. Otherwise, you may regret missing out on this relationship.

One may also attempt to continue dating one's boyfriend and observe whether he is capable of interacting with his mother in a constructive manner. Additionally, it may be beneficial to ascertain whether one can avoid potential conflicts with his mother. It is crucial to recognize that one's identity and values may differ from those of one's mother-in-law, even if she holds similar beliefs to those she held in the past. The key is to acknowledge that one does not align with her views. Having analyzed one's own identity, it is important to highlight that one possesses a fulfilling career and an attractive physical appearance. By recognizing this discrepancy in values, one may be better equipped to interact with her with confidence, which could ultimately reduce feelings of hesitancy.

One may also consider whether the future mother-in-law would regret breaking up with her boyfriend. After imagining this scenario, one may find that one's relationship with one's boyfriend is such that it would be a shame for him to break up with his mother.

It may also be beneficial to engage in discourse with trusted family members and friends, including married friends, to gain insight into their approaches to navigating the dynamics between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as well as the strategies employed by male friends to manage the relationship between their mother and wife. This could potentially foster greater confidence in one's own relationship.

Should one nevertheless remain particularly torn and hesitant after following the aforementioned advice and desire to terminate the relationship, this is also an acceptable course of action. The decision to end the relationship is ultimately one of personal autonomy, contingent upon the absence of any subsequent regret.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach for an online conversation," which you will find at the foot of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

The questioner and her boyfriend have a great relationship and are getting married! After getting to know his parents and spending time with them, the questioner learned about some of her boyfriend's mother's past. The more time she spent with them, the more she felt that she was a terrible person, overly realistic and calculating. The thought of having to get along with such a mother-in-law in the future made the questioner want to break up with her boyfriend.

The influence of the original family is a fascinating aspect of this relationship!

The relationship between the questioner and her boyfriend is going great! They feel like they're perfect for each other, which is why they're planning to get married. From their time together, the questioner has come to understand more about what kind of person her boyfriend is. So, what impact does the questioner think her boyfriend's family has had on him?

From the questioner's description, we can see that her boyfriend's family is well off, but he is a frugal person who doesn't spend recklessly on food and clothing. This shows that he cares more about you as a person than any other conditions!

In this regard, you can see that your boyfriend and his mother still have some differences in their views. So when you are afraid of getting along with your boyfriend's mother and want to give up the relationship, you should definitely consider your boyfriend's feelings! After all, this relationship is between the two of you.

Weigh the future against the reality!

The boyfriend's mother is making things a bit tricky for the questioner in various ways, and such behavior still hurts the questioner's self-esteem. But here's the good news! Judging a person's character based on their family background is precisely because the boyfriend's mother has experienced it herself, and her mindset determines her perception, so she thinks that other people also have the same thoughts as her.

The boyfriend of the questioner is also trying his best to protect the questioner for the sake of your relationship. It can be said that he cherishes the questioner very much. The questioner may be able to give each other some more time, and then decide how to face this relationship based on the reality.

You can find out what your boyfriend thinks if you get married. Is he capable of not living with his parents, or does he need to? Let's not talk about how difficult your boyfriend's mother is to get along with, and how conflicts will arise when your own family stays for a long time, not to mention your boyfriend's mother who already has various complaints about you before you even get married. But you can avoid all that if you get married!

If he can live on his own, and his boyfriend is still very assertive and has his own ideas, and his upbringing has not had a particularly strong influence on him, then the happiness in this relationship is still very much within reach!

Face it together!

Love is a matter for two people, and marriage is a matter for two families. However, the choice of partner is still up to you to decide! As long as both parents do not interfere too much in the newly formed small family, the problem that worries the question owner may be alleviated.

☀️ Expression and communication: The questioner and her boyfriend have planned to have each other in their lives in the future, so the questioner can express her thoughts to her boyfriend. If she hides her thoughts, her boyfriend may not understand. But there's no need to worry! By observing his attitude through her expression, if he shows that he can make the questioner trust him and believe that he can handle her concerns, the questioner only needs to accompany her boyfriend and give him strength.

☀️Subject separation: A boyfriend is first and foremost his own person, and only secondarily the child of his parents. This is a wonderful thing! It means he has the right to choose his own partner, and he doesn't have to do what his parents tell him to do. Parents and children must learn to separate their subjects, and this separation is more mental and ideological. As long as the questioner's boyfriend can do this, the questioner can also grow up with him.

Don't even think about breaking up! Your boyfriend loves you and is doing everything he can to make you happy. If he knew what you were thinking, it would still hurt him. I really hope my answer helps, and I wish you all the best!