I have always worked hard for my working family. Why is it that what I could accept before is now unacceptable?

Hello, Thank you for your question. My name is ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. From your description, it seems that you have been doing a great deal for your family and for your work, which has left you feeling quite tired and worn out, perhaps without the understanding and support of your family.

It seems that when you ask for help, your husband is unable to keep his appointments. He promised you, but unfortunately, he didn't do it. This could be perceived as a lack of attention from him to you and the commitment you have made. It might be helpful to discuss this problem openly and honestly.

It seems that you have made a number of plans for your child's studies, but it appears that your child may not have a positive attitude towards them. It might be helpful to consider whether your child agrees with these plans for further education, whether he feels that he should pursue this path, and whether he also enjoys doing so.

If a parent makes plans for a child that the child does not fully approve of, it could potentially lead to some rebellious tendencies. It's important to remember that while the girl is making plans for her future education, it's essential to keep the child involved and ensure they're aware of your thoughts and expectations.

This could help to reduce any conflicts between you and your husband, and he may be more likely to recognise your actions and be grateful for all the efforts you have made for him. In addition, it seems that your mother may not fully appreciate the hard work you do, and is unaware that your work often requires mental and physical exertion in many ways.

As a result, she tends to focus on the areas where she feels you could improve, which can sometimes lead to a perception that you haven't done a good job. If the proportion of negative language in the family is high, it can be challenging to maintain a sense of harmony. What we need is encouragement, recognition, and some support from family members.

If there is always negative talk in your home environment, you may also one day feel that you can only completely give up, do nothing, and simply let everyone do whatever they want. This could be a possible consequence. In order to avoid this consequence, we must definitely try to do something truly meaningful.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider a different approach. It might be beneficial to involve others in the process, as it can be challenging for families to recognize the efforts of individuals working alone. Communication is an essential aspect of this process. Regarding your husband's failure to keep an appointment, it would be valuable to inquire about the reasons behind his inability to assist you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to gently but firmly tell him that in the future, if he can't do it, he might want to try not to make promises lightly, so you don't have to keep waiting. Then, if it's the child's words, it might be beneficial to first understand what the child's idea is really like, which school and major he wants to go to, and which city, and whether he has some plans of his own.

If he has his own plan, then we should be happy for his independent growth. This could also be an opportunity for us as parents to help him achieve a place he wants to go to, which we can do together.

Perhaps it would be helpful to have a conversation with him about some of the negative things his mother says. You might explain that you've worked really hard and that you'd appreciate his support. Could you ask him to say something nice to you instead of always picking on you? You've actually done a good enough job.

Perhaps what you need is some maternal guidance, rather than criticism. As an adult, you are likely aware of your shortcomings, but what you may require more of is encouragement and positive reinforcement to help you grow and improve.

And have more energy to face the various challenges that arise in the outside world. It may be more beneficial to focus on the right direction and communicate effectively first, rather than trying to do everything at once. If they are unable to help themselves, it might be necessary to address our own emotions.

You might benefit from talking to your best friend and sharing your thoughts. Prioritize your own needs and then consider assisting your family when they require help. This approach could potentially lead to greater happiness for everyone and a reduction in your own workload. Best of luck!

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello!

I understand the confusion caused by a lack of understanding and support from family members.

Here are some comments for your consideration:

Your family conflicts can be analyzed from other perspectives.

For example, "I asked my husband for help with work," "He agreed but didn't do it," "I helped with the kids' school admissions."

This includes helping out and the children's education. The husband and children have a controlling influence over these matters. Your participation in their controlling intentions affects the emotional relationship between you.

If a family member feels excluded, misunderstood, or not recognized, they may try to find a sense of self-identification and belonging.

This is seen when your efforts are not fully understood or recognized.

Or there may be differences in how family members expect to act.

If you have different expectations of your husband, children, and mother than they have of you, it can lead to conflicts and make you stop accepting things you used to.

Understanding these factors can help you and your family members understand each other better and resolve conflicts more effectively.

Easing conflicts among family members is complex and takes time. Here are some tips:

First, listen and communicate.

You didn't listen or communicate enough. You let things happen or expressed your feelings.

Communication and understanding are important in families.

Listening to family members, communicating openly, and expressing your own feelings can help resolve conflicts.

Second, respect and tolerate your family.

Try to understand your family members and show empathy.

Understanding and empathy can help family members connect emotionally and avoid conflict.

Respect each family member's views and choices, and tolerate differences.

Respect and tolerance reduce conflicts.

Finally, find a solution.

Control your emotions in conflicts.

Deal with problems calmly to resolve conflicts effectively.

This makes it possible to find a solution that is acceptable to both sides.

For example, family rules and boundaries can be set so that each family member knows what they are responsible for. Or, family members can be made to feel supported and cared for.

Finally, get help from someone else.

If the family can't resolve conflicts and disputes, they may seek help from a psychologist.

Professional help provides an objective perspective and effective solutions.

Hope this helps!

Hello, Jia Ao here, your Heart Exploration coach.

I read your post on the platform and saw that you've been feeling tired lately. It seems like you've been working hard for your job and family, and that you feel alone without the support of your family members. You've also received a lot of complaints. It seems like your husband is indifferent towards you, your children have a bad attitude towards you, and your mother is critical of your work. All of this has caused you to have a breakdown emotionally, and you don't know how to adjust yourself.

Yes, family responsibilities are not just yours alone. You also have your own busy schedule. You try your best to help your children with their studies, but they treat you so badly. Your mother is also critical of your work. You are very annoyed inside. No one sees or values all the things you do and all your hard work. If this continues, of course you won't be able to take it anymore. You still need to solve the problem at hand as soon as possible.

Let me help you take a step back and look at things from a different angle.

1. Stay calm and in control

You've always worked hard for your work and family, taking on all the responsibilities. So why can't you accept things that you could accept before? In fact, this is quite normal. People will behave in extreme ways. They feel that life is meaningless, or that their inner needs are not being met, and of course they become world-weary and resentful. You must remain calm and peaceful, and think more about the many happy times that people have while they are alive. Make yourself happy and live a joyful life, and you will have much fewer of these thoughts. Just work hard towards the life you want.

2. Take a close look at each problem on its own.

If you're putting in the work and paying attention, but still not getting the results you want, it might be worth taking a closer look at the process itself. It could be that there are no results from doing things in the first place, or it may just seem like there are no results for the time being, and you haven't seen them yet. For instance, parenting and family care are different for everyone. You have to know how to analyze specific problems specifically. You can't do everything in the world just by working hard. In fact, you also need a little luck to get things done. This may make you very frustrated, but if you've tried your best and put your heart into it, that's the best you can do. At least you can do it with a clear conscience, whether at work or at home.

3. Keep your mindset in check.

Many chicken soup articles online say that you don't need to worry too much about the results of your efforts. You can still feel bad if you see that your efforts have not paid off, or if you are misunderstood by the people closest to you. Therefore, you need to have a positive attitude. People with a positive attitude can enjoy the process of their efforts and wait patiently. People with a negative attitude will still feel discouraged by the lack of results and will constantly deplete themselves internally. What you need to do is learn to actively adjust your attitude and know how to handle things with an ordinary heart.

4. Distract yourself for a while

As you adjust your mentality, try to find ways to redirect your attention. When you're feeling sad or upset, temporarily step away from that environment and do something that makes you happy and that you enjoy. This is what most people do. If your efforts don't yield results, move on. If you can't forget, spend a day or two feeling sorry for yourself, indulge for a day or two, let that thing out of your mind, and don't worry about what happens. First, take care of your emotional feelings and love yourself more than anything else. You can do this!

I hope my answer helps. If you need to talk more, you can follow me (click on my personal homepage), choose the Heart Exploration service, and talk to me one-on-one. The world and I love you.

Hello, I'm the Heart Detective coach, Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, and I'm here to help!

It's totally normal to feel let down by the people closest to you. I felt this negative emotion yesterday, too! My husband promised to do many things for me, but then avoided doing them when it was time. It was a bit of a shock, but I got through it. I can really understand how you feel, so please allow me to give you a hug!

I heard something really comforting yesterday. It's not that my husband doesn't want to help me; he really does! But his current state and knowledge may not support him in helping me. I thought about it myself, and it seems to be the case, so I'm not angry anymore. The questioner may also try to find out why her husband doesn't help her. Is it not intentional?

As a working person and a mother, I can feel the effort and intention of the questioner, and I'm so happy to be able to help! All I do for your own good is the way the other person wants to be loved. The questioner may try to perceive:

The daughter knows she is helping her, which is great! However, she often doesn't have a good attitude, which we can work on. Does the daughter want to get help from the questioner? What is the questioner's attitude towards helping the daughter?

Could it be criticism? Or is it accusation?

Control? Absolutely! You can definitely help the questioner understand the source of the conflict by trying to understand the pattern of interaction between the two sides.

Now, let's dive into the words your daughter uses to argue with you. Let's see if we can understand the message in her words!

This could be a great way for the questioner to understand her daughter's inner feelings and find the point of communication with her daughter!

It's important to remember that no one's emotions suddenly collapse. If we keep things inside, they can easily accumulate and build up negative emotions. When we reach a certain point and don't have a chance to vent, it's easy for accusations from close relatives to make us suddenly collapse. This is not the fault of the questioner, so please allow me to give the questioner a hug!

As a working woman and mother, I feel the pressure, but I'm up for the challenge! We don't want to live a life that is worse than others, and we are also excited about the pressure of competition. If the child doesn't work hard now, it will be difficult for him or her in the future. But in fact, if it is not a way that the child accepts from the bottom of his or her heart and wants to be supported, then perhaps the efforts of the questioner will not be understood.

The questioner may try to reconcile with the current self. After all, tomorrow and accidents are unpredictable, so it's always a great idea to have a plan! Even if we have a lot of wealth, we also need to have a corresponding life to enjoy it. Otherwise, it would be a great pity!

It's so important to separate issues! The issue belongs to the person who is responsible for the final result. I used to hope that my child would pay attention to English. For a period of time, my child told me, "If you don't let me do that thing, I won't learn English." I told her that she could learn if she wanted to, but she wasn't learning for me. My child has never used this sentence to block me since then – hooray!

Embrace your ordinariness! You are an ordinary person, and that's a good thing. When you accept yourself, you'll be more motivated to do your best and let go of your anxieties.

Try lowering your expectations. Marriage is an intimate relationship between two independent people, not raising children, nor looking for a subordinate or leader. When we reduce our dependence on each other and tell ourselves that we are doing this for our own good, not for anyone else, it will make us feel less aggrieved!

As the saying goes, "excess is as bad as deficiency." No one can stay mentally tense all the time and still be in good condition. So, try allowing yourself to relax occasionally! This will relieve the pressure on the questioner. The questioner can also try keeping an emotional diary to help release and relieve stress.

I highly recommend reading "Accepting Imperfection" and "Embracing the Inner Child"!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello! I'm Huang Li, a listening therapist.

I'm sad for you. You're a good mother and wife.

One person can only do so much. When you want to ask for help, your husband's attitude makes you feel sad.

You could endure it before, but not now because you lack mental energy.

"Patience has limits."

Your sadness and disappointment are because you can't take it anymore.

It's like running a marathon. At first, it's easy. If there's a small obstacle, just jump over it.

But the longer you run, the more tired you get. The obstacle is still the same, and now it's hard to move.

Take care of yourself.

He needs to rest, and so do you.

If you feel too responsible for your daughter's education, it's time to take care of yourself.

Love yourself. Take care of your body, your mood, and your needs. Do things that make you happy.

For example, do things you enjoy, like hiking, dancing, sports, and reading.

Get more support.

Make new friends. Many people lose friends when they get married and have children. We need friends.

Your husband might not understand, but your friends will.

Join an interest group and talk to people who share your interests.

You can also get professional psychological counseling if you need it.

Talk to your husband.

If your husband is reluctant to help, you can communicate with him effectively.

Tell the truth.

When I asked for your help, you said yes but didn't do anything.

Talk about feelings.

I'm sad about your behavior.

Express your ideas.

When I need you, I feel like you don't take me seriously.

Say what you expect.

If I ask you for help and you don't want to help, please say no. I'll be okay if you do, but I need your help on time.

Don't criticize or accuse.

Use "I" instead of "you."

The communication process is not about who is right or wrong.

Express your thoughts, feelings, and expectations.

This method can also be used with parents and children.

If we're used to the old way of communicating, it doesn't matter if we're not proficient with this new method. Just give yourself more time and practice, and it will become second nature.

Don't blame yourself if you revert to the old communication model. It takes time to develop habits.

I hope this helps!

Good morning, I am unsure if you are familiar with the idiom "What others want is an apple, but what you give is a banana." This concept can be applied to many situations. For example, when a parent criticizes a child's work, they may simply want to provide guidance, but their approach may not be effective, leading to emotional resistance and a lack of positive reinforcement.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own thoughts and perspectives. What may seem insignificant to you could be a significant issue for others. Therefore, it is crucial to consider the other person's viewpoint to facilitate a more constructive dialogue. It is natural to desire understanding and support from others. However, when this is not forthcoming, it can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration and even despair.

I can sense that you feel isolated in this situation, that your colleagues do not fully comprehend or support your position, and that you are struggling to maintain your current level of engagement. You feel uncertain, sad, and somewhat desperate because you require a deeper level of understanding from your colleagues, but they are not responding adequately.

Let's examine these scenarios. It seems that your husband is more focused on his own emotions and is hesitant to assist you with certain tasks. It may be beneficial to communicate with him effectively, understand his true thoughts, and then decide on the best course of action. If the child is aware that you are providing assistance, it indicates that she is grateful for it, but may not know how to express her gratitude effectively. It's possible that there is a lack of communication between you. If possible, you can set aside time to have a constructive conversation. I believe this will help resolve the issue.

It is not uncommon for children to express their true thoughts through certain behaviors, without realizing that this may evoke a negative emotional response in their parents. From a child's perspective, it may be helpful to consider that a parent's actions may be driven by a desire to provide guidance and support, even if the approach is misguided. It is important to recognize that communication and understanding are key to resolving these issues.

If you feel tired, it would be advisable to slow down a little and take a good rest. This may yield different results. In addition to communication, it would be beneficial to learn to regulate yourself. When emotions are on the verge of collapse, it would be helpful to relieve inner anxiety by distracting yourself or listening to music.

Best regards,

Hello!

I understand your situation and how you feel.

You wrote that you asked your husband to help you at work, but he didn't. You feel sad about this.

The description here is vague, so we can only make an educated guess. To help at work, you need to understand the nature and content of the work.

If the two jobs are the same, the couple should help each other at work. This can improve efficiency and their relationship. If the two jobs are the same but there is only a difference in rank, the need for assistance should be reviewed. If the two jobs are not the same, it is better not to help. This is like an ancient scholar going to plant the land. The scholar is hurt and the plants die.

As a couple, you should support each other even if you can't help directly. If you work in different areas and need to work together, you may need to avoid suspicion and therefore can't help.

There are many similar situations. It's also a matter of character and ability.

You said, "I help my child with her studies, but she doesn't have a good attitude. I used to get angry, but she even argued with me, which made me disillusioned. I no longer want to talk to her." You understand your child wants to achieve something in the future, which is what most parents want. But you're using the wrong approach to help her.

You understand your desire to see your child succeed, which is common among parents. However, your approach is wrong.

It's popular to educate kids using a scientific approach. Watch the film Dragonfly to learn more.

Then look at your own behavior. A survey of parents says, "Don't impose your ideas on your children. They may know better than you what they want."

Many parents impose their thoughts, habits, and feelings on their children.

You wrote that you feel tired and alone. It seems like you are struggling with work and family. From your description, it seems like things are getting worse, but you are just feeling negative.

Many things are caused by unresolved issues. Your inner feelings are the most critical factor.

Suggestions:

1. Adjust your mindset. Your mindset determines your destiny, and your attitude can change the outcome. Be positive!

2. Talk to your husband when you need help shopping. Tell him what you need and why.

The previous ineffectiveness of help is also caused by ineffective communication.

3. Consult a teacher to develop your child's learning style based on your child's situation. Also, pay attention to courses that cultivate learning habits.

This is just a reference.

Hello, my name is Evan, and I'm a counselor at the School of Fine Distinctions.

From the questioner's description, it seems that the questioner is experiencing a certain degree of confusion and negative emotions, including feelings of despair. From the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner has been facing significant pressure at work and at home, which has led to a challenging situation.

In the text, the questioner also expresses unease and difficulty in accepting the changes in her emotions. It is not uncommon for us to react differently to the same situation or behavior when our emotions shift over time.

As the questioner said, I did all this for the family, so I would like to understand why I am not getting the understanding and support of my family. I can feel that the questioner did what she did for the family and for her children, but I would like to remind the questioner that in the process, did she communicate with her family and respect their ideas and opinions?

As the questioner mentioned, when her husband promised to do something for her but didn't follow through, it's possible that he was using this method to express his reservations.

It is important to remember that we all experience stress in our lives and at work from time to time. If we don't get enough support and understanding, it can lead to the accumulation and explosion of emotions. Since the questioner asked their question on the platform, we cannot discuss the questioner's problem in depth. However, we can offer some simple analysis and suggestions that may help.

Her husband's unfulfilled promises: The questioner mentioned that she has repeatedly asked her husband for work-related help, but he has not yet taken any practical actions. This sense of disappointment reached a climax in the questioner's latest request, which made us feel particularly sad.

It might be helpful for the questioner to communicate with her husband in a more open and honest way, sharing her feelings and needs, and exploring ways to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties. At the same time, it could be beneficial for her to learn to adjust her expectations and understand that everyone has their own difficulties and limitations.

The child's attitude: The question asker has invested a great deal of effort into supporting her child with his studies, but unfortunately, the child has not yet demonstrated the level of gratitude and respect that is expected. This has led to a sense of disappointment on the part of the question asker.

In this situation, it might be helpful for the questioner to try to communicate with the child in depth, respect her thoughts and feelings, and discuss her future plans. At the same time, it would be beneficial for the child to be taught to be grateful and respectful, so that she understands the importance of these qualities for her future development.

The mother's criticism of the questioner's work may have contributed to the questioner experiencing a nervous breakdown. It's possible that the questioner is facing significant pressure at work, and the mother's criticism may have touched a sensitive spot.

In this case, it might be helpful for the questioner to communicate with his mother, share about his work pressure and difficulties, and seek her understanding and support. At the same time, it would also be beneficial for him to learn to adjust his emotions and not let negative emotions affect his relationship with his family.

Personal boundaries: In the article, the author mentions that she has devoted herself to her family, but it seems that she may benefit from more recognition or support from her family members. This may be because the author has devoted a great deal to her family and could benefit from setting aside more time for her own needs and boundaries.

It may be helpful to consider that the main character may benefit from learning to let go appropriately, learning to say "no," setting boundaries for themselves, and avoiding taking on excessive work or family responsibilities.

It may be helpful to consider setting expectations in close relationships in a realistic manner. Adjusting expectations of family members could potentially lead to a reduction in disappointment.

It may be helpful to recognize that everyone has their own limitations and challenges. It can be beneficial to identify what is most important to you and what you may be able to let go of.

It's not realistic to expect perfection in everything.

It would be beneficial to consider ways to care for yourself while working hard and taking care of the family. It is important to find ways to relax and relieve stress, and to ensure you have time for self-care. This could include doing something you enjoy, or simply resting and relaxing. It is also helpful to exercise, meditate, and meet with friends.

It might also be helpful to consider seeking professional help, such as psychological counseling or family therapy, to relieve emotional distress and improve family relationships.

Your feelings are understandable, and it is natural to feel tired and disappointed. The challenge faced by the questioner can be addressed through open communication and adjustments. It is also important to prioritize your emotional needs and physical and mental health, so that you can maintain a positive outlook while working hard and caring for your family.

I hope my answer will be of some assistance to the questioner.