I have always yearned for recognition, feeling oppressed. Where does the root of my fear of rejection lie?

Hello, my name is Qingxiang, and I'd love to chat with you about this issue.

After reading about what you wrote, I was really happy to see how aware you are of yourself. First of all, I want to praise your reasonable perception.

You've stuck to your guns and not let other people's views and attitudes sway you.

You've held your ground and not let outside pressure get to you.

I've had to put up with a lot of criticism, too.

I know it can be really tough when people say unkind things about you, but you're doing great!

But you still firmly believe in your choice, and I totally get that!

Even so, we're a little sad that you're going through this again, trying to find solutions. We admire your courage!

I'm really happy to be able to share some of the information I've seen and know with you.

I'm so happy to be able to talk to you about the evaluation system!

We all have two types of standards for evaluating things:

One is internal, and the other is external.

External standards

That is, a simple change in your emotions.

A kind word from someone else can make you feel like you're floating on air!

We all know how it feels when someone criticizes us. It can really knock us down, can't it?

I think a lot of people can relate to this feeling.

As you yourself describe,

Oh, the blow of events!

We all have to deal with other people's opinions, don't we?

We all experience rejection from others at one time or another.

Distant relationships...

This is the evaluation system, my friend.

Many of us will be happy for him and sad for him, too.

Sometimes you feel like the moon.

Sometimes you feel like you've been cast aside like an old pair of shoes.

But, there's still more to it.

Have you really changed, my friend?

Oh, you're still you, just the same! It's only how others see you and the standards they hold you to that have changed...

As you said, what does it matter to me? I'm not going to fret over losing a little flesh, my friend.

You know what others think of you, but there's more to it than that.

There are lots of people who, when others say they are "a little motivated,"

You know, you really have to push yourself to meet these standards before you feel totally at ease.

Let's talk about your internal evaluation standard.

I'm really happy to see that you

You've got to stop going down this path.

I'm here to tell you that you're going down the wrong path. And the faster you go, the further you are from the right path.

To beat those external standards, you don't have to fight against them or suppress your emotions and thoughts. You can simply establish your own evaluation system from the inside out.

1) Once you've identified the issue, it's important to be mindful of your actions. When you realize you're comparing yourself to others, try not to feel too happy or too sad. Instead, remind yourself that

"Oh, I'm now evaluating myself using other people's standards," you can say to give your emotions a little buffer.

2) I'd love to chat with you about Wei Shusheng's self-evaluation.

Each of us is just one of billions of people in a long history that has lasted for hundreds of thousands of years. We are just a tiny planet in the solar system that is part of a tiny universe. We are just one of countless species of life.

We're all insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

But we must remember that we are all connected and that everything we do affects the whole world.

And when we do good things, we make the world a little better!

When we do bad things, we make the world a little worse.

Oh, yes! We are great!

It's also important to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses.

And you know what? You shouldn't be saddened by criticism.

And remember, don't be saddened by criticism.

Hi, I'm Qingxiang. I've got some thoughts and suggestions that I hope you'll find helpful.

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Good day, I have a question.

You demonstrate a high level of self-discipline and are able to confront your negative emotions with a strong sense of self-control. You recognize the importance of affirmation and are aware of your fear of rejection. You are able to identify the emotional distress you experience and are driven by a desire to express yourself emotionally.

This indicates that you have the ability to differentiate between emotional and rational thought processes, allowing each to operate independently. Initially, however, reason requires the support of a belief to maintain its resistance against emotion.

You seek affirmation and therefore fear negation. From your description, it seems that you gain affirmation by drawing on generalized events. The direction of development of these events can also have opposite effects. For you, some unexpected and diverse developments of these events will be your negative judgment of a certain performance. These negative events hinder your need for self-affirmation.

A perspective in developmental psychology is that when individuals' inner needs are unmet or unable to support the establishment of self-worth, they will often seek this kind of fulfillment in future behavior to develop their own personality in social relationships.

From the forms you listed, they are all closely related to "establishing relationships." You especially cannot accept alienation in relationships. The earliest establishment of relationships comes from the mode of interaction between our family members. It is especially important for children to be affirmed in their self-behavior during their growth period. The source of this affirmation comes from the encouragement, support, and recognition of their parents or family members. It can also be expressed in the form of behavioral feedback with a positive meaning.

The above is a conjecture about the root of your search, and it is my hope that it will provide you with some ideas. However, you should also be objective and not blindly identify with it.

It is important to note that, in general, individuals seek affirmation and self-assurance. Inevitably, this can lead to instances of rejection. To navigate these challenges, it is essential to embrace one's shortcomings, provide self-affirmation, and adapt strategies for gaining affirmation. This approach aligns with the need to fulfill positive internal needs. Moreover, the chosen strategy should have tangible and constructive outcomes. It is not sufficient to merely satisfy immediate needs with empty promises.

I hope you will find the above suggestions helpful. Best regards,

Hello, host. I'm confident my answer will be helpful to you.

The original poster said that they have always longed to be affirmed and they feel very oppressed, fearing the negativity of others. They want to know the source of this fear of negativity.

From your description, it's clear that when you encounter setbacks, rejection from others, or being distanced from others in a relationship, you will feel rejected. You will then feel fear and resistance to this rejection.

The host is very good at sensing their own inner feelings. When others distance themselves from you in a relationship, you will experience this feeling of being hit, feel very depressed, and wonder if you are not good enough. You question yourself, wondering what you have done wrong that has caused them to treat you this way. You think about it, and you feel that it doesn't matter even if you are rejected. You may think like this, but you will still feel sad, right?

You still want to be affirmed. Once you are alienated and rejected, you will feel negated. Of course, you will still feel sad.

I can tell you exactly why you're feeling this way.

From your description, it's clear that you're sad because you want to be affirmed. You've also established a causal connection between being "alienated" and being "denied," but being "alienated" doesn't necessarily mean being "denied."

If you can replace your sadness when you encounter setbacks, rejection from others, and alienation with other reasons, you will feel better.

You know deep down that you want to be affirmed. When you encounter these things, remember that just because you didn't succeed this time doesn't mean you're not capable. It doesn't mean you won't succeed next time. It doesn't mean you won't succeed every time. I know that next time, as long as I work hard and make some adjustments, I will definitely be able to do it. Others rejecting me doesn't mean they are negating me. Maybe he is just not available right now, or maybe he is just not interested in this matter. There must be some special reason for this. They distancing themselves from me doesn't mean they are negating me, and it doesn't mean I'm not good enough. But I still really want to play with them. I go to them sincerely to find out, to ask them how they see me, to talk to them about my feelings and needs, about how much I care about them and like them...

You need to adjust your thinking. Don't associate these things with rejection. Then you won't be so sad.

2. We crave affirmation because we lack it. Recount your own growth experience. Did your parents fail to affirm and recognize you during your growth process?

This will help you understand yourself better.

When you feel rejected and sad, take a moment to recognize it. Think about a time someone said something to you that made you feel this way, or recall a situation from your past that was similar.

You said that if you trace back to the earliest similar feeling, you will find the root cause.

It is not always the person in the moment that causes us to feel sad. It is often the scene itself that triggers some deep-seated trauma in our subconscious. These wounds have not been properly addressed, so they will reappear again and again to remind us to see them.

It was like me. Once, when I was teaching a class, I was criticized by the president of our association. He didn't speak harshly to me, but praised me first and then sincerely pointed out a few things I needed to improve. But after I read the message, I was extremely agitated and felt strongly his rejection of me, and I even felt a little angry.

When I showed the message to a friend who is a counselor, she said, "If the president can send me such a thoughtful message, I can't be happier." I went to find out why I was so excited and offended.

I later discovered that this feeling was identical to the one I had experienced in elementary school when I was criticized by one of our strict male math teachers.

I was upset when the president criticized me because I had projected him onto my childhood math teacher. They were both stern male teachers. When I was young, I was particularly weak and helpless in the face of criticism from teachers, and it was impossible for me to express any needs, so I suppressed my emotions. However, those emotions did not disappear; they remained in my subconscious until last time, when they were reactivated.

Once I identified the source of my emotions, I gained a deeper understanding of myself. I realized that my fear and terror of the headmaster stemmed from a past emotional projection on my math teacher. I subsequently became less resistant to the headmaster's "criticism" and was able to assess it objectively. I also discovered that he genuinely had my best interests at heart and that every one of his suggestions was carefully considered and helpful.

I sent him a long thank-you message later on, and the president reaffirmed his confidence in me.

Use this same method to identify the root cause of your emotions. This will help you understand yourself fundamentally.

3. The desire to be recognized by others is actually a lack of self-recognition. When you are confident in yourself, you simply don't care about the recognition of others.

Many people, including me, are just like you. We all want to be praised and recognized by others. It's a basic human need, and it's perfectly normal. But we also realize that it's impossible to gain the approval of everyone, and it's impossible for one person to give us constant approval.

You need to gain a stable feeling of being affirmed.

You are the only person who can give yourself this kind of stable affirmation.

There is a law in psychology: when you lack something internally, you will seek it externally. We long for external affirmation precisely because we are not sure of ourselves.

You have also discovered that seeking outside is unstable. This is why we need to seek within, learn to affirm ourselves, and support ourselves.

When you feel rejected, comfort and support yourself like a good friend and say some sincere encouraging words to yourself.

Tell yourself in the mirror every day, "I believe in you, I like you, I am valuable, I love myself..."

You should also focus on recognizing your own merits and value. Write down one of your strengths every day and affirm your efforts daily.

You should also chat more with the right friends, that is, those who can understand you, support you, and affirm you. Only supportive relationships can bring us nourishment and strength, while draining relationships will only make you less and less confident.

This is for your reference. Best wishes.

Dear question asker,

From my perspective, it seems that you are a person with a deep sense of self-awareness. You often examine and reflect on yourself, and it seems that you are on the path to self-cultivation that will make you better and stronger. I would like to congratulate you on this!

You say you are afraid of being rejected and that you find it difficult to accept the alienation in interpersonal relationships. This can make you doubt yourself and deny your feelings, which can be very painful. I'm here to support you.

Perhaps you're unsure where this pain originates. It's possible that, as your title suggests, you've always sought affirmation.

It is possible that your experience of rejection and abandonment may have been influenced by the alienation of others.

It might be helpful to use meditation or hypnosis to look back and see if there was a time when you were a child and a parent or other important person suddenly left you, leaving you to think that you had been neglected or abandoned because you were bad. If there was such a time, then seeing it might be healing.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider that when we seek external recognition and affirmation, it could be an indication of an inner lack of self-affirmation and recognition.

If you are able to maintain a sense of inner stability and self-assurance, external factors may not have as much of an impact on your emotional state.

It may be helpful to consider taking good care of yourself, discovering your own strengths, and encouraging and rewarding yourself. You might find it beneficial to give yourself some positive mental suggestions (such as "I am great," "I am worthy of love," "at least I am worthy of my own love," "I am a unique person," and so on).

By gradually developing your inner strength, you can enhance your confidence and foster greater self-acceptance, self-approval, and self-affirmation. You will become increasingly certain and powerful!

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It appears that you are experiencing distress as a result of being rejected and being struck. It is important to note that no individual finds such treatment agreeable, not just you.

Nevertheless, it appears that some individuals are not apprehensive about potential hurt because they possess the inner fortitude to process negative external stimuli.

One might inquire as to whether they have done something wrong. However, it is probable that they have not done anything wrong.

Some individuals may engage in criticism not because of any actual wrongdoing on the part of the individual being criticized, but rather because they perceive that the individual in question has acted in a way that is perceived as wrong.

If the discouragement is coming from one's parents or teachers, it is likely that their educational philosophy is to discourage students in order to motivate them to make progress. In traditional Chinese education, there is a saying that a rod produces a filial son.

It is often asserted that individuals who receive praise will become arrogant, and that this transformation can occur with relative ease. It is plausible that those who make this assertion do not intend to be malicious; rather, they may be accustomed to offering criticism.

However, one may experience discomfort when subjected to criticism. If one discloses this discomfort, the other party may perceive it as mere pretense, unaware that the individual is already experiencing profound distress.

The question thus arises as to how one should respond to such a situation, particularly when one experiences a profound sense of sadness in the context of criticism.

Firstly, it can be argued that all humans have an inherent need for love and belonging, as well as a need for self-esteem. It can be proposed that damage to one's self-esteem can result in feelings of hurt and discomfort. Therefore, it can be considered normal for an individual to experience these emotions. It can be argued that everyone is similar in this regard, and that these feelings are a normal aspect of the human experience. It can be suggested that these feelings do not make an individual any different from others.

The ABC theory of rational emotions posits that an individual's emotional response to an event is not determined by the event itself, but rather by their perception of it. This perception, in turn, is shaped by the individual's unique experiences, beliefs, and emotional history.

If one takes other people's attacks on one's self to be a grave insult and interprets them as meaning that one is inherently flawed or has done something wrong, then one will undoubtedly feel a profound sense of distress. Conversely, if one understands such attacks as merely the result of blunt, unyielding discourse and recognizes that one is not at fault, then one may experience a sense of relief and well-being.

One might consider an alternative perspective: that those who have caused one harm can, in fact, be seen as a driving force behind one's own personal growth and development. It is possible that, with time and effort, one can become so accomplished that those who have caused them harm will be amazed at their own lack of foresight. This can serve as a powerful motivator for self-improvement and personal transformation.

It is my hope that this will prove beneficial.

Hello, my dear friend! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm here to accompany you with warmth and listen to your story with sincerity.

I totally get where you're coming from. We all want to feel affirmed, recognized, and accepted.

When someone rejects you, it could be a behavior or a way of expressing themselves. Or, as you said, you were rejected in a relationship, and you felt that you were rejected as a whole person.

It can really lead to a sense of frustration, powerlessness, and low self-worth, which is totally understandable!

Let's take a look at the problem together, starting with a warm hug.

There's no such thing as failure, only feedback! True self-confidence comes from having confidence in yourself.

We all know people who seem confident, superior, and even arrogant when they're rich and powerful.

But when they lost their wealth and power, they felt like their whole world had collapsed, and they lost their confidence and courage in the world. Some even gave up their lives because of it.

Life is full of twists and turns. When we receive feedback, whether good or bad, it's important to remember that it has nothing to do with success or failure. It's simply a response.

Self-confidence is all about how you feel about yourself and your ability to handle whatever life throws your way. It's a way of reassuring yourself and believing in yourself.

Self-confidence is all about believing in yourself and your abilities. It's having that deep-rooted trust in your own strength and knowing that you can do something well or achieve your goals.

Self-esteem is all about having a good sense of self-respect and self-love. It's about feeling good about yourself based on how you see yourself. It's a way of evaluating your overall value and feeling good about who you are.

Self-confidence is the foundation of self-esteem, and self-esteem is the sublimation of self-confidence.

There are two types of confidence. One is confidence built on something you have done. This can sometimes feel false and like a sign of inferiority, because you might lack confidence in yourself.

We all want to feel confident, and it's natural to base our confidence on the success or failure of a certain thing. It can feel like the value of our lives is dependent on external material things. But this kind of confidence can be dangerous. If we base our self-worth on things like famous brands, luxury cars, luxury homes, or the positive recognition of others, what happens when they disappear? Our value as people can feel like it's suddenly at risk.

There's another kind of confidence, too. This kind of confidence doesn't rely on anything outside of you. It comes from your heart and is unconditional. It's your own subjective belief in yourself. This kind of confidence is true confidence.

He's got all he needs right inside himself. He's got self-respect and he respects others too.

It's totally normal to want to prove that you're valuable, especially if you're feeling a bit insecure. But it's also important to remember that you're worthy just as you are!

2. The underlying support of self-confidence is self-worth.

Self-worth is all about how you see yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, it's easier to feel confident.

If you feel like you don't deserve to be happy, it can really take a toll on you. You might feel like a victim, stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and feelings. It's hard to move on from past hurts when you're stuck in a victim mindset. It's like you're stuck in a trap of resentment and pain. It's tough to forgive or be grateful when you're in that place.

He just doesn't feel safe.

When we feel good about ourselves, it makes us feel safe. People who feel good about themselves have confidence in themselves and in the world around them.

So, it's super important to have a good sense of self-worth! It's the foundation of a happy, healthy mind.

Almost all kinds of problems in life, such as marriage, career, wealth, and child-rearing issues, are related to self-worth. It's like they all come from the same root, which is self-worth.

It's so important to remember that self-worth is a person's own subjective evaluation of themselves. The family of origin is often the source of self-worth, so it's good to be aware of that.

This is something that starts in the early years and is usually built up over time. It's all about parents and other people who are important to the child affirming, accepting, recognizing, praising, commending, and encouraging the child.

A person's subjective judgment of themselves during childhood mostly comes from their parents' evaluation of them. It's so important for kids to feel loved and appreciated! A child who receives high praise from an early age is like a child with a lot of vitality, and their psychological resilience will be strong because they firmly believe that they are worthwhile. Even if they encounter some setbacks, they will consider them temporary. They have a strong ability to withstand setbacks because they believe in themselves and believe that they deserve a good life.

It's so important for kids to grow up in families where they're loved and encouraged. When they don't get that, it can really affect them emotionally.

This can lead to a very low opinion of himself, which is something we really don't want to see. Some children, especially those who have been abandoned by their parents since childhood, will internalize a self-evaluation of "I'm not good enough, I don't deserve to have it."

When you grow up, this kind of person often feels unsure of their own value. They can be easily triggered by the slightest thing because they don't believe in themselves. This makes their own value depend on the opinions of others. It's only natural that they care immensely about what others say.

It can be really tough for someone who doesn't feel good about themselves to feel happy.

What if someone is born with a deficiency? Do they just have to accept their fate? Absolutely not!

The good news is that psychological research has found that most people in society are not inherently deficient.

The great thing about psychological nutrition is that it can not only make up for innate deficiencies, but also through postnatal care. The moral of the story is that as long as you are willing, your life can definitely become better because of psychology!

If you'd like to know more, I'd love for you to check out my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it," which you can find on my personal homepage.

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I love you all so much, and I'm sending you all lots of love and support!

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a Coach" link in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to grow with you one-on-one!

Hello! I'm Free, your heart exploration coach. I'm here to warmly accompany you and listen to your emotional stories with sincerity.

I totally get it. We all want to be affirmed, accepted, and approved of.

It can be really tough when someone rejects you, for example, because of how you behave or the way you express yourself. Or, as you say, when you are rejected in a relationship, it can feel like you are being rejected as a whole person.

It can really lead to some pretty frustrating, powerless, and low-self-worth feelings, can't it?

Let's take a look at the problem together, starting with a warm hug.

1. There's no such thing as failure, only feedback! True self-confidence is all about having confidence in yourself as a person.

We often meet folks like this in our lives. When they're rolling in the dough and holding all the cards, they can come across as pretty confident, superior, and even a bit arrogant.

But when they lost their wealth and power, it was like their whole being just collapsed. They lost their confidence and courage in the world. Some even gave up their lives because of it.

Life is full of twists and turns. When we get feedback, whether good or bad, it's not about success or failure. It's just a response.

Self-confidence is all about how you see yourself in a specific situation. It's a way of affirming and believing in yourself.

Self-confidence is all about believing in yourself and your abilities. It's having that deep conviction that you can do something well (or be something) or achieve your goals.

Self-esteem is all about having a good sense of self-respect and self-love. It's about feeling good about who you are and what you can do. It's a subjective feeling about your overall value.

Self-confidence is the foundation of self-esteem, and self-esteem is the sublimation of self-confidence.

There are two types of self-confidence. One is based on something you have done, but it is a false confidence and a manifestation of low self-esteem. It is because you lack confidence in yourself as a person, which is totally understandable!

It's not a good idea to build your confidence on the success or failure of a particular event. It's like depending on external material things to prove the value of your life. This kind of confidence is dangerous because once the above things (such as famous brands, luxury cars, luxury homes, and the positive recognition of others) disappear, the value of your life will collapse.

The other kind of confidence is in the person themselves. This confidence doesn't depend on anything external as a standard. It comes from the heart and is unconditional. It's a subjective belief in oneself. This kind of confidence is true confidence.

He's got no need to prove himself to anyone. He's got total faith in himself and respects others.

It's totally normal to want to prove your worth when you're lacking in self-confidence. It's a way of showing yourself and others that you're worthy of love and respect. But, if you're constantly seeking external validation, you might need to take a step back and focus on building your self-worth.

The foundation of self-confidence is self-worth.

Self-worth is a person's own personal opinion of themselves. And the great thing is, you can boost your self-worth and therefore your self-confidence!

It's so sad when a person with low self-worth suffers from internal conflict and is mentally listless. They always feel like a victim, unable to extricate themselves from the trauma, harboring resentment in their hearts, unable to forgive or be grateful.

They just don't feel safe.

When you feel good about yourself, it's like a shield that protects you from the world. It makes you feel safe and secure. People who have a high sense of self-worth have confidence in themselves and in the world around them.

So, it's super important to feel good about yourself! It's the foundation of a happy, healthy mind.

Almost all kinds of problems in life, such as marriage, career, wealth, and child-rearing issues, are related to self-worth. It can be said that the root of all psychological problems stems from self-worth, which is something we can all relate to!

Self-worth is something we all have in our hearts. It's a person's own feeling about how valuable they are. The first place we learn about self-worth is from our families.

This is something that starts in early childhood and is usually built up gradually through the child's parents and other people in their lives affirming, accepting, recognizing, praising, commending, and encouraging them.

When we're kids, our parents are our whole world. They're the ones who tell us we're great, and we soak up all that love and affirmation like sponges! Kids who get lots of praise from an early age are like little ballerinas, full of beans and ready to take on the world. They're super resilient because they know they're worthy, and even if they face some challenges, they'll think, "Oh, this is just a blip." They're super resilient because they believe in themselves and know they deserve a great life!

If a child grows up in a family where there are only negative comments and doesn't get enough love and encouragement from their parents, it can really affect them.

He'll subconsciously develop a very low opinion of himself, especially if he's been abandoned by his parents since childhood. He'll internalize a self-evaluation of "I'm not good enough, I'm not worth having."

As they grow up, this kind of person often feels unsure of their own value. Even the slightest thing can trigger a storm in their mind. They may not believe in themselves, which makes it hard for them to feel good about themselves. This can make them really care about what others say about them.

It can be really tough for folks who don't feel good about themselves to feel happy.

What if someone is born with a deficiency? Do they just have to accept their fate? Absolutely not!

It's okay to feel like you're not quite enough. Psychological research has found that most people in this society are inherently deficient.

The great thing about psychological nutrition is that it can not only make up for innate deficiencies, but also through postnatal care. The moral of the story is that as long as you are willing, your life can definitely become better because of psychology!

If you'd like to know more about the specific methods I've mentioned, I'd love for you to check out my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it." You can find it on my personal homepage.

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I love you all so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see how we can support each other!

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you.

You're going through some growth issues right now. I'm here for you.

Your current issue might be related to a negative experience you had growing up and interacting with others.

If you've had a bad experience, it can really affect your sense of self-identity.

This is the kind of person I used to be. But now I've realized that when you have power, you're not so afraid of being rejected by others.

So, what can you do to become stronger and more powerful?

I can read some psychology books on my own if I need to.

The simplest and most direct way is to find a counselor and get some help analyzing your problems.

I've been doing psychological counseling on the platform for over a year and a half, and my counselor told me yesterday that I've changed from being timid and cowardly to being strong and powerful. I'm now a person with strong ideas of my own.

If you're not sure how many sessions of counseling you need for your current issue, you can start by reaching out to the instant listeners on this platform.

If you need it, the person listening to you will also refer you to a professional counselor.

I really hope you can find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

At Yiyi Psychology, we love what we do, and we love our clients. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. From your words and descriptions, it's clear you're experiencing a range of negative emotions after being rejected, including doubting yourself, feeling unloved, and even self-negation.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a matter of facing it. If you turn your back on the sun, you'll see shadows. Turn around and face it, and the sun will be in your eyes.

One theory in psychology is the ABC model, which stands for "facts – beliefs – emotions."

Things don't change. The key is what beliefs we have in the middle. I was rejected. Maybe he had difficulties. The rules and regulations are like that. There is nothing he can do about it. I can accept it calmly.

Then there will be no negative emotions.

I was rejected, and I believe he has a problem with me. He must be targeting me. It is understandable that my emotions are naturally bad.

Here's the solution:

1. You've done an excellent job of becoming more aware of and feeling your emotions in life.

The second step is crucial: identify the beliefs behind you and the logic behind your emotions.

3. Once you've identified these beliefs, ask yourself: is this really the case? Are there other possibilities?

I believe this way for a number of reasons.

As this mode of processing matures, unreasonable beliefs will become a thing of the past, and you will become more peaceful than you ever thought possible.

You've got this.

Greetings, My name is Xiaoyu Lao Si, and I am a student of psychology.

Firstly, I would like to offer you a hug. From your description, it is evident that although this negative emotion is affecting you, you still possess a greater degree of awareness and self-reflection than the majority of people. It would appear that you have yet to identify a solution that will fully resolve this emotion.

It is unclear whether you are currently enrolled in an academic program or have already commenced your professional career. Nevertheless, I will offer advice applicable to both scenarios.

Indeed, many individuals have internalized this mentality to varying degrees: "I must work diligently in solitude to prove myself to others." The fear of rejection and the desire for affirmation are two cognitive processes that, when harnessed effectively, can enhance academic and professional performance. However, when these processes are overused, they can impede progress by obscuring objective reality.

It is preferable to consider the outcome from the perspective of the process. In the context of work, if an individual is assigned a significant task by their leader, the optimal path to recognition or a bonus is to complete the task in a seamless and exemplary manner. However, many tasks are inherently intricate. To resolve a practical issue, it is essential to identify the core contradiction. To grasp the core contradiction necessitates greater energy and wisdom, as well as the input of individuals at a higher level. In the face of their "some doubts," it is crucial to realign one's work focus and direction.

The various doubts held by different individuals represent disparate perspectives on the subject of this work. This can facilitate a more comprehensive resolution of the issue at hand.

One must consider the possibility that negative emotions may impede rational thinking. In such instances, doubts may manifest as self-doubts, and discussions that are not personally involved may appear distant and inconsequential. To illustrate this point, one might ask: if one makes someone angry, what is the appropriate response?

In similar fashion, children may purchase a candy bar for the other person, lovers may offer a hug or a small gift, and parents may provide each other with a shoulder massage to assuage anger. It has been observed that individuals frequently resort to the most thoughtless and expedient means of gaining the approval of others. Consequently, this tendency may manifest in the workplace as an attempt to curry favor by working overtime without compensation.

Nevertheless, it remains unclear whether this approach is genuinely effective in identifying the core issues that have been previously outlined. If the outcome is not substantial, it could be argued that the objective of "proving oneself" remains unattainable.

In conclusion, regardless of the circumstances, whether one has been rejected by others or is striving to gain their approval, it is crucial not to unduly diminish one's self-worth. This is not to imply that one has not made sufficient efforts, but rather that the issue has not been fully resolved. When the leader assigned the task, it was already an act of affirmation. If one remains overly preoccupied with proving oneself, the matter is likely to remain unresolved.

The same can be said of parent-child relationships. Parents' love and affirmation for their children is a fundamental aspect of their identity. Just because something is not done well does not mean we should deny ourselves.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that rejection is not a significant issue. It is not the case that rejection will result in any tangible loss.

This mode of thinking is not an open-minded approach; rather, it is a method of circumventing the issue at hand. With the development of awareness and cognitive abilities, it becomes evident that this way of thinking actually activates one's psychological defense mechanism. Initially, the mindset of "it doesn't matter if I'm rejected" may gradually evolve into "it's okay if you don't love me," and subsequently, "I don't require the validation of others." This state of mind, where initial feelings are absent, may result in a diminished capacity to confront challenges when faced with obstacles.

In the event of experiencing significant difficulty in moving out of a negative mood, it is essential to differentiate between the evaluation criteria of others and one's own. In the instance of being rejected by an individual due to perceived excess enthusiasm, it is crucial to engage in introspection to ascertain whether enthusiasm is viewed as a negative quality within one's own self-perception.

One may engage in discourse regarding the aforementioned standard, rather than dwelling on the question of whether the other person is rejecting them.

This concludes my remarks for the time being. I am Xiaoyu, and it is my hope that you will become more confident in your individuality.

♥️ It's totally normal to feel rejected, denied, and disowned for a long time. It can make you feel depressed, abandoned, unloved, helpless, and fearful. Everyone experiences these feelings during their growth process, which we call a manifestation of inferiority.

I've noticed that the more I'm rejected, the more I want to prove myself, and the more I feel inferior. I'd really love to break out of this prison!

I think so, don't you?

Of course, the outside world has a way of influencing how we see things, and that's totally normal. But the one thing that can stand up to all that external pressure is you, my friend!

It's totally normal to want other people's approval and to care about what they think. But if you're constantly waiting for their approval, it can start to feel like a never-ending cycle. It's like your subconscious mind is imprinted with the feeling, "I need others' affirmation of me, I care about what others think." And with each external stimulus, this feeling gets stronger.

It's so important to understand that anything we can't decide for ourselves is really not our business. It's someone else's problem! For example, if someone doesn't like me, thinks I'm good or bad, or whatever, that is a decision they can make. But we can't decide anything that is beyond our control. The only thing we can decide is ourselves, our own approach, and the way we see the world.

I truly believe that you can achieve ultimate self-confidence and a strong mindset through professional training.

When I know who I am, I know how to act according to my own wishes. That is, I see what I want, I want what I see, and I work hard for it, without dwelling on it. I don't go around in circles, and I don't care what other people think of me.

I just do it! No asking for rewards or external recognition.

☀️ So, when you gradually build up your self-confidence from the inside out, these feelings will just naturally go away.

Dear Question Asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

I will begin by offering you a hug from afar. I can comprehend the sentiments of grievance, sadness, and shame that you experienced when you were rejected. You will encounter a sense of not being recognized, respected, loved, and abandoned. However, you possess a commendable sense of self-awareness and are able to discern your authentic emotions, thereby demonstrating resilience in confronting these feelings. It is my sincere hope that my insights will provide you with a sense of encouragement and support.

What are the underlying motivations behind this need?

All individuals possess needs that extend beyond mere material desires; they encompass psychological necessities as well. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Theory postulates that human needs can be classified into six categories: ☞physical needs, ☞safety needs, ☞belonging and love needs, ☞respect needs, and ☞self-fulfillment needs.

Once the lower-level needs have been met, the individual progresses to the subsequent level. Consequently, the questioner experiences sadness due to the unmet needs that underpin the certainty, resulting in a sense of loss, sadness, and resistance within the heart.

As the title indicates, there are numerous ways to deny, and being rejected in a relationship is one of the more distressing experiences one can endure.

If being rejected signifies being "unaccepted, disrespected, unloved, and abandoned," then the underlying motivation behind the desire for "affirmation" is the pursuit of the feeling of being "accepted, respected, cared for, and loved."

The questioner may consider the origin of this sentiment by reflecting on the initial relationship in which it manifested.

In general, the primary caregivers in infancy are the individuals with whom the infant first establishes a relationship, typically their parents or other significant figures. During this period, the infant's psychological task is to develop a sense of security. If the infant's significant others provide them with timely and sufficient comfort, care, and love, the infant's heart will be filled with a sense of security and trust. Conversely, if the infant does not receive timely and sufficient comfort, care, and love, their inner child will remain in a state of waiting and searching.

Although the body is developing into adulthood, the inner child remains in a state of immaturity, seeking the same feelings of love, acceptance, and respect from adult relationships that were previously experienced in childhood.

##Psychological Defense Mechanisms##

A psychological defense mechanism called "rationalization," also known as the "dissembling effect," is a process whereby an individual attempts to justify their actions, conceal their true motives, or explain away a situation that is socially or personally disadvantageous. This phenomenon can be observed when an individual experiences setbacks or is unable to achieve their goals, or when their behavior deviates from social norms. In such instances, they may offer explanations that benefit themselves, cover up the embarrassing situation they are in, or hide their true motives and desires. This serves to protect the individual and relieve distress.

The original poster stated, "Subsequently, you also discerned that there is no significant consequence associated with being rejected."

This seems to be a kind of rationalization, as if the subject were saying that it is uncomfortable to be rejected, but that it is not a significant issue. The subject believes that they have resolved the issue, but in fact, they are justifying themselves, finding reasons to comfort themselves, protecting themselves, and avoiding letting themselves fall into strong emotions.

Therefore, although the conscious level is aware of the situation, the feelings originate from the subconscious body's memory of past emotions. Consequently, when rejected, the individual experiences sadness.

Should one wish to alter the situation, it would be advisable to engage in self-awareness in order to ascertain the underlying needs, or alternatively, to seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

The aforementioned opinions are solely those of the author and are offered in the hope that they will prove beneficial and inspirational to the reader.

Hello, host! I'm July.

After reading your description, I have a better idea of what you're looking for. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

From what you've told me, I can see what the issues are, so it'll be easier to find solutions.

The issues you've highlighted are ones that many people have faced in real life, but the extent of their experience varies. It's important to remember that you don't need to rush things and put too much pressure on yourself. The solution is just a matter of time, and you already know that you have a problem.

You mentioned in your description that you've always longed for affirmation and feel very oppressed. I'd like to ask where the root of the fear of negation lies. In my opinion, the root of the unreasonable belief that you want others to affirm you is that you're not confident in yourself. So, you want to increase your confidence in yourself through external forms. This is also a kind of compensation in disguise.

Your current personality is also a result of having too many expectations for a relationship. When things don't go well, you might think you could have done more to make it work.

In this regard, I have also put together a few tips to help you cope with the current situation. I hope they'll be useful for you.

(1) Take it easy, take your time, and don't stress yourself out too much. Stressing yourself out too much will make you feel pretty bad.

(2) Try to change your unreasonable beliefs further, rather than letting some unreasonable beliefs affect you too much.

(3) Try to set some boundaries. What's yours is yours, and what's theirs is theirs. For example, other people's opinions are just their thoughts, not yours. So, you can disagree without getting too involved in other people's thoughts.

(4) You should give yourself a bit more credit. Try to focus more on self-exploration and spend less time worrying about others.

(5) You might want to try changing your attribution style. That is, use external attribution more often and don't attribute many problems to yourself.

(6) Try to enrich yourself more so that you can have more strength and support for yourself, rather than negating yourself too much.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Wishing you the best!