I rarely chat with my family. Am I a cold and indifferent person?

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I get the feeling that you're a little confused about some of your actions, but your heart is also looking forward to something!

You described how you used to be like this, rarely contacting your family. Now that your father is not feeling well, you feel impatient when you go to take care of him. You feel nothing when the elderly people around you pass away. You rarely contact others, and you feel that you are a bit different from others. Is that right?

I want to tell you something really important about life. It's that life is ever-changing and multifaceted. And everyone has their own feelings, which is totally normal.

But if this feeling makes you feel uncomfortable, then you need to be aware of why you feel this way. It's so important to understand your feelings! Is it a family trait?

Or could it be related to experiences from your childhood?

Intimate relationships, whether they be family or romantic, are an amazing opportunity to experience a certain sense of security, which is related to the family environment and education we were exposed to as children.

From your description, I can tell that you have your own way of solving problems. At the very least, you don't feel lonely, which is great! When you have a problem, you can also relieve your emotions through self-talk, which is a fantastic way to cope. This is your great strength!

At the same time, I can also feel that you are constantly exploring and establishing relationships. It's just that sometimes when you compare yourself to others, you may feel internally that you are different from others, and experience a sense of loss. But that's okay! We all feel that way sometimes. It's how we learn and grow.

I don't know your specific situation, but I'm excited to give you some small advice that I think will help!

First, accept and allow yourself!

Everyone in life is unique, and that's a wonderful thing! There are so many similarities between us, but we're also all different in our own special ways. It's important to accept and embrace the differences between ourselves and others, and to celebrate our uniqueness. There's no right or wrong in the world – everything is connected by a cause and effect, and we can all be aware of and embrace that.

Secondly, it's time to enrich your inner self and increase external connections!

I can tell you're a confident person, but I also sense that you're a little isolated. When you're ready to make a change, what's your plan? We can nourish our hearts and give ourselves a boost of strength so that we can attract others to spend time with us.

There are so many ways to get along with women! We can be active or passive, and either way, we can improve ourselves, enrich our inner selves, attract others, and let others take the initiative. We can even be the passive one. Either way, we'll increase our external connections!

And then, you can join the study of psychology!

As I just said, there is often a certain cause and effect relationship. When we have fewer links to the outside world, we definitely lack something. But here's the good news: we can learn psychology to find the root cause in the subconscious. In the process of learning, we can gain strength and grow at the same time! This is a very good way to explain it. Many people choose to enter psychology in this way, and I am the same.

In the end, I just want to say that you've done an amazing job! You've shown that you can self-regulate and that you're willing to put in a little effort to get along with others. And with your unwavering efforts, you'll surely find your way of getting along with others!

Remember, everyone is different! What you can do, others may not be able to do. So be a little more forgiving and allow yourself to grow on that basis.

Everyone goes through a stage where they don't care much about their family. Even if they sometimes feel homesick, they quickly get bored and return to their own life.

Maybe you want to leave your parents' home because you're tired of their rules. Or maybe you're disappointed because they've always been too strict. You don't feel angry about your parents' love, so you don't want to keep living with them. Maybe you just don't know how to be close to other people.

You are not lacking in affection and love. Your parents have given you love and affection, and you love them too.

You imagine "maintaining a relationship very seriously," but you rarely contact your family because you are tired of them. You want to be close to them, but you want to escape. When you escape, you feel uneasy.

You can't be indifferent or passionate by nature. Everything is the result of karma. Boredom and affection are causes and effects. The past is always present, even if it's confusing.

This may go on for a long time until one side is stronger than the other. Then you will think more about what to do.

This should not be a good experience. If you are not uneasy or hesitant, you will not question whether you are "cold-hearted and indifferent."

Maybe you'll find it's worth valuing yourself more, or you'll learn to be more tolerant of your family. Or maybe you'll realize that being cold and indifferent isn't what you want, and it's making your life harder. Then you'll want to change. But first, you might wonder about other people's feelings and relationships.

I wish you happiness.

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

It is important to note that this is not indicative of cold-heartedness or indifference. Rather, it is a natural consequence of maintaining a certain distance from others, which often results in a reluctance to engage in emotionally intimate connections. This pattern is shaped by an individual's upbringing and may be influenced by past experiences, such as a fear of forming deep relationships during childhood.

It is important to note that there is no need for concern. When individuals gain an understanding of their inner patterns, accept themselves, learn to empathize with themselves, provide themselves with warmth and support, and then attempt to establish deep connections in a warm, harmonious, and safe environment, they can gradually and naturally learn to establish deep connections with others. In addition, they will no longer feel afraid but will instead feel safe.

It is this author's recommendation that the following course of action be pursued:

It is recommended that you attempt to comprehend and accept yourself by observing the internal patterns that you have developed.

One can reflect on one's own upbringing. During one's childhood, was there a simultaneous desire and apprehension regarding the formation of profound connections with one's family? Did one attempt to establish emotional bonds with them, only to encounter a lack of timely and accurate responses? Was there a sense of being disregarded or overlooked?

One may investigate these concepts independently.

In general, during our formative years, we may have gradually developed such a pattern in order to safeguard ourselves from potential harm. When we sought an emotional connection but did not receive the anticipated response, we may have come to believe that we did not require their care and that we were not obliged to care about them, or that it was challenging and even somewhat risky to pursue a profound connection with them. It is possible to become aware of some of the thoughts and beliefs that underpin these behaviours. What are your thoughts on this matter?

These limiting beliefs conceal one's attitude and beliefs regarding the formation of intimate relationships. It is these subconscious beliefs that precipitate the display of these behavioral patterns.

Consequently, recognizing one's internal patterns facilitates a deeper comprehension of oneself. It is futile to dwell on past regrets or to ascribe blame to oneself or one's family, given the inherent limitations of the past and the fact that parents are not infallible. They have bestowed upon you their utmost, and they are constrained by their own shortcomings. For instance, if their parents treated them in a similar manner, they will, in turn, treat their children in a manner consistent with how their parents treated them, which they perceive as love.

It is essential to accept oneself, one's past, one's inherent patterns, and one's imperfect self. When one is able to accept these aspects of oneself, change can then begin.

2. In the course of a dialogue with oneself, it is recommended to attempt to empathize with oneself and initially experience the sensation of establishing an emotional connection with oneself.

One might inquire as to the nature of one's self-dialogue. If it is merely a rational discourse, it is indeed challenging to comprehend and empathize with oneself.

It is essential to acknowledge the vulnerable child within, to recognize her feelings of sadness, helplessness, and grievances. Subsequently, one should utilize the inner parent to provide care and support, as a mother would for her child. This entails loving and caring for oneself, as well as nurturing oneself emotionally. It is crucial to acknowledge and understand one's own feelings, recognize the shifts in one's emotions, and identify the underlying needs and reasons behind these emotions.

Once an individual has established a connection with themselves emotionally, they will subsequently be able to form a similar connection with others.

3. The pursuit of warm, harmonious, stable, and supportive relationships can facilitate the establishment of deep emotional connections.

Mr. Zeng Qifeng has previously stated, "People are social animals. The more relationships one has, the more nourishment one receives, and the faster and better one grows. A nourishing relationship should be one that is full of trust and friendship, and that offers both love and freedom."

Furthermore, as an individual accumulates a greater number of nurturing and loving relationships, they become increasingly bold in their pursuit of happiness and success.

It is therefore possible to seek such supportive relationships in one's interpersonal relationships, to establish a warm, harmonious, and stable relationship or several of them, and to experience the warmth and support between people, tolerance and acceptance in the interaction of the relationship. Over time, this will lead to the establishment of long-lasting and stable emotional links with others, which will satisfy our deep inner desires.

In the event that such a relationship cannot be found in one's personal life, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Sincerely,

Hello. From your description, I can sense your confusion and curiosity. You perceive yourself as indifferent and cold-hearted, but I believe this is not entirely your fault. It is likely influenced by your upbringing.

As a psychological counselor, I would like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

From your description, it seems that you may have difficulty communicating with your family, feel annoyed, and have trouble expressing emotions when caring for sick relatives. This could be an opportunity to reflect on your growth history. How did you interact with your parents during your upbringing?

Who was there for you when you were a child? How did you cope when you were helpless? Did you confide in your parents?

Have you ever found yourself bearing your burdens alone, or have you also expressed yourself when no one paid attention?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt like you weren't being heard or understood? Have you experienced being rejected, blamed, or belittled, which has led to feelings of emotional isolation and repression? Have you developed the habit of talking to yourself when things happen, and have you learned to be strong in order to handle many things?

It would be helpful for you to be aware of and reflect on these issues. It's not your fault. It's the result of an internal emotional isolation you developed in order to survive in such a family relationship. Because you were afraid of being hurt, you never responded to love, and so you became someone who didn't need love and couldn't feel real emotions. You became cold and apathetic. In fact, your inner emotions were frozen. How can you solve this?

You may not realize it, but you are a child who lacks security. When you are in a safe and stable environment, you need to be seen and understood from the inside before you can be melted. This is a process that requires time. If you are not paid attention to, it is also difficult for you to establish your own intimate relationship. Your heart is also afraid, afraid of being hurt by the approaching distance. You are an avoidant attachment relationship pattern.

I recognize that these are all bold assumptions on my part as a psychological counselor, and I understand that they still need careful verification on your part. Your awareness today is also part of your own needs, and it is also a need for growth deep within you. You are beginning to become aware of your own emotional needs, and you are also beginning to observe the differences between yourself and others. From a psychological perspective, this is also the process of becoming conscious of the unconscious. This is also the beginning of your transformation. The world and I love you, and I believe that you also need to learn to love yourself. I am here to support you in any way I can!

That's a great question.

My name is Kelly Shui.

You mentioned that you don't often chat with your family. Could I ask if you think you might be a cold and indifferent person?

I believe that anyone who says they are cold and indifferent must also have a gentle and kind side.

I believe that in this world, there is no such thing as absolute indifference or absolute enthusiasm.

[Exploring yourself]

From a psychological perspective, it is possible that the external manifestations of kindness and indifference are caused by a certain psychological disposition.

I have always felt that I am an indifferent person, and that most of my relationships with people are akin to gentlemen's friendships. Similarly, my relationship with my family is also somewhat detached.

I have recently become more aware of myself, and I wonder if perhaps I am, at my core, afraid of intimacy.

If I may, I would like to take a moment to share a bit about myself.

I have come to understand that a fear of intimacy may stem from a lack of security.

I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on this and have come to understand myself better. Could I ask why I am prone to a lack of security?

Exploring psychology has helped me to gain a deeper understanding of my personal challenges and realize that a lack of security may have been a contributing factor. It has also made me reflect on how my experiences in childhood may have shaped my adult self.

It is often the case that children rely on their parents during childhood, and this is usually determined by physiological and emotional needs.

My mother's personality made it challenging for me to feel loved during my childhood. As a child, I often sought attention, comfort, support, and care from my parents when I was vulnerable or sick.

It is not always easy for children to gain this sense of security.

I am one of those people.

Through systematic study of psychology and consulting, I came to understand that my early parenting style may have contributed to my current personality.

Exploring and understanding ourselves can be a first step towards loving ourselves. While the past is gone and cannot be changed, accepting ourselves also means accepting the past. With understanding comes a gradual shift from confusion to stability.

It can be seen that, even after adulthood is reached, the desire to form social relationships remains strong. However, this desire is often accompanied by a lack of basic security, which can result in resistance to forming these relationships.

Often, there is a desire to escape while there is enthusiasm to reject. It is not uncommon for a fiery heart and a cold exterior to be seen as contradictions.

It is important to remember that everyone needs love and support, even if they are not always aware of it. It is not always easy to love and give too much, but it is something we all deserve.

With regard to the matter of high sensitivity:

Some psychologists also believe that 15% to 20% of people in life may be highly sensitive.

Some people are simply this way by nature, rather than as a result of external factors.

It is also the case that this type of highly sensitive person may be fearful of establishing intimate relationships. It is important to note that appearing indifferent is not a special result.

If we take the time to understand ourselves, we can gain a deeper appreciation for the unique qualities and complexities that make up the tapestry of the human experience. By embracing this understanding, we can navigate our relationships with others with greater clarity and compassion, avoiding the pitfalls of conflict and entanglement. Instead, we can focus on nurturing our authentic selves and growing in self-awareness.

[Some tips]

1: If we like and love ourselves, we should continue to live according to our preferences.

2: Many people feel lonely, even if they don't show it. It can be helpful to focus on your own interests and hobbies, rather than worrying about socializing.

3: Consider exploring your curiosity further with the help of a counselor. This could be a valuable way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

4: You might also consider paying more attention to the things you like. Many would say that truth, goodness, and beauty are always the main colors of life.

It is important to recognize that while there are unfortunate aspects of life, they do not represent the majority of experiences. By maintaining confidence in our past experiences and striving to see the full picture, we can navigate life with a balanced perspective.

It is also possible to choose how to live and socialize, to actively meet the challenges of life, and to face life with an open mind. All of these are free choices.

5: If we desire to feel loved, we have the option of gaining affection through emotional exchanges.

If we are able to give without expecting anything in return and wish to receive the enthusiasm of others, show enthusiasm towards others, care about others, and communicate with them emotionally, we may find ourselves in a harmonious relationship.

We all have the ability to choose whether or not to socialize.

If you would like to learn this kind of ability, you can also train yourself to understand that "indifference" is a choice.

Rather than focusing on other irreversible factors, it might be helpful to avoid labeling or defining yourself and to gain a more accurate understanding of your own tendencies toward insensitivity and indifference. This could potentially lead to a gradual dissipation of your current mentality.

6: Consider taking the initiative to choose to integrate into some groups you like, such as joining book clubs, painting circles, music, etc., according to your own interests. Groups can be a great place to cultivate relationships. When we integrate into the group, we may also make many friends and gradually change our personality.

I came across something in Junichi Watanabe's "Insensitivity" that I found thought-provoking. It suggested that the world is not solely about talent and intelligence. Instead, it seems that a certain level of insensitivity, or the ability to remain unphased by minor details, might be an important basic talent in people's lives.

Perhaps it would be helpful to define what is meant by the term "insensitive." It seems that this term is used by Watanabe Junichi to describe the opposite of "sensitive." It appears that insensitive does not necessarily imply a lack of responsiveness, but rather the ability to eliminate unimportant details.

It might be helpful to focus on yourself and put your energy into the things you like. On the other hand, there are also many advantages to being indifferent.

It is often the case that when people fall in love, they can become insecure and experience a range of emotions. It is natural for couples to want to be close to each other, but research suggests that when there is too much proximity, it can lead to difficulties in the relationship.

Psychological research suggests that couples may benefit from having a certain level of comfort in their relationship.

Perhaps a little indifference is actually beneficial for a relationship.

In other words, the two can maintain a close connection or they can "disconnect" from each other, but this will not affect the relationship between them. Instead, it will lead to a deeper level of love between them.

I believe this can also be applied to family, friendship, and love.

I would like to wish you a very happy birthday.

I would like to express my love for the world.

Hello, question owner.

You don't seem sad when your family members are sick or elderly people you know die. You don't have strong emotional reactions in these situations. I felt the same way before. This may be because we lack empathy and the ability to care.

We may also be used to being alone, so we don't care about others. We can't care about others because we are used to being alone.

I think:

[1] This state is not bad, but we also need to learn to be more empathetic.

We need to care for our family members to show we love them.

[2] Learn to think emotionally.

Sometimes, we don't need to be too rational. We need to think sensibly about certain things. For example, when dealing with family, friendship, and love, we must all have our own emotional level.

[3] Learn to love.

Learning to love yourself and others is an important skill. When we love ourselves first, we can love others and receive their love too.

[4] Be more secure and believe in yourself.

See if you have been hurt or traumatized in any way. Learn to see what is inside yourself. See the parts of yourself that need to be improved. Learn to believe in yourself. Actively cultivate your own energy. We can become better.

I hope this helps.

The present is good! Be grateful you met me.

You're not cold. You still have a true nature inside.

You don't know how to chat with people about their lives because your parents were rarely there for you. You don't know how to care for people or express your love.

If your father is a yang personality, perhaps you were treated roughly when you were young and sick. Now that you are taking care of your father, you may feel the same way. You don't know how to treat others gently because you have never been treated gently.

You're away most of the year, so you don't have contact with people from your hometown. When an elderly person you know dies, you won't feel much.

Knowing why people act the way they do also means understanding their actions. We all live in a web of relationships, and it's important to maintain some of them.

1. Love and care for yourself. When you love and care for yourself, you can love and care for others.

You can't give because you lack it yourself. From now on, meet your needs, see yourself, and appreciate yourself.

You can call your parents and other important relatives every now and then. Listen to them. You can also chat about your daily life or some news.

Keep your friends close. Everyone has limits to what they know.

3. Sometimes you can't do it. Don't force yourself. Your body's feelings are the most important.

Don't label yourself. Accept yourself.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Dear Sir/Madam,

As adults, our relationships with those around us are shaped by our unique perspectives and focuses. This is akin to how a landscape is perceived differently by each individual. Similarly, when evaluating our relationships, we seek self-satisfaction. In other words, as long as we are content with the status quo and willing to accommodate it, it is acceptable.

Individuals possess varying talents and experiences, which naturally leads to differing perspectives on life as adults. Some individuals prefer a more reserved and introverted approach, while others are more outgoing and cheerful. Some individuals may experience persistent struggles in identifying their true selves. These differences are understandable and reasonable. When seeking external validation, it is essential to first affirm one's own existence. The current self represents an evolved version after numerous interactions and renewals, and its existence has already demonstrated its own rationale and necessity.

Once we have established a firm foundation, we can then consider making other adjustments and improvements. This process is similar to that of sculpting or embellishing a work of art: while these techniques can enhance the final product, they cannot alter the underlying concept. Similarly, in business, comparing ourselves to others can lead to a vicious cycle of self-doubt. This can prevent us from completing the original creative idea and even hinder our ability to make progress on existing projects.

Because we are never someone else, everyone has their own path to follow. Rather than suffering in doubt and self-doubt, it is preferable to be in a state of acceptance and choose the optimal time to implement minor adjustments.

In this era of openness and tolerance, any personality has the potential to create its own space as long as it does not give up on itself. Personality is simply a matter of standing out, not of being pure. When necessary, self-adaptation can fully cope with adjustments.

It is sufficient to be oneself.

Hello,

You are emotionally self-sufficient.

You give when you take a step.

If you stay in your own world, you won't feel lonely. Many people have emotional problems because of loneliness.

It's normal to feel annoyed when taking care of Yang's father or interacting with people.

People need to maintain a distance that feels right to them.

You can keep your current relationship or get closer. It's up to you.

Get to know your family better and show them some love.

For example, you can talk to your family once a month on the phone for a short or long time. If you don't want to do it that often, you can do it once every three months.

Once a week is fine if you want more.

Human relationships will be more interesting.

Everyone is different. There is no such thing as good or bad, only suitable or not suitable.

My relationship with my parents and younger brother is fine, but I don't contact them as often.

My mother talks a lot, so chatting with her is rewarding. When she's at home and has nothing to do, I talk to her once every two weeks.

When she's busy at work, I don't call her, and she calls me.

My father and I don't talk much, so I never speak to him directly. I usually say a few words to him when I'm chatting with my mother.

My younger brother talks a lot, but he's younger than me, so I sometimes dislike him. I wait for him to call me about once a month.

If he calls me several times a week, I won't answer. I have a lot to do and don't have time to chat.

The above questioner can use this as a reference. Human relationships are a dynamic balance. If you want to make changes, do so consciously.

If you don't want to adjust, that's okay.

Hope this helps. Have a nice day!

Good day!

From what you've shared, it seems like you've had a sudden realization about your usual behavior and how it might need to be re-understood.

From what you said, "I don't feel lonely," it seems that you are still very self-contained. These reluctance to frequently contact family members, and only having pity for the deceased relatives without sadness, will not "disturb" you... I am also curious about what has happened over the years of self-containment, and why you suddenly asked this question. What prompted you to re-examine this pattern of intimacy?

You may also find it helpful to use the various services of One Mind's real-time online "coaching companion chat" and "listener" to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify the experiences that have shaped your relatively detached attachment pattern. This understanding may help you to recognize the ways in which this attachment pattern affects your relationships, including your tendency to end old relationships and rebuild new ones, as well as your reluctance to form long-lasting and sustainable intimate relationships.

It is important to note that every attachment relationship has its own set of advantages and disadvantages. For instance, individuals with avoidant attachment styles may experience high avoidance and low anxiety, while those with anxious attachment styles may exhibit low avoidance and high anxiety. Similarly, individuals with chaotic attachment styles may display high avoidance and high anxiety, while those with secure attachment styles may exhibit low avoidance and low anxiety. However, it is only when we strive to maintain a deep emotional connection with others that the disadvantages of these attachment types become apparent.

For instance, hierarchical relationships in the workplace, client relationships, and colleague relationships that necessitate the exchange of benefits, romantic relationships, friendships, and so on, would benefit from a reassessment of our attachment styles and a gradual transition towards a more secure type. This process may also involve revisiting and processing the pain that has been temporarily forgotten during our growth journey, and gently re-connecting with it in a way that allows it to heal.

? Regardless of your motivation for asking this question, I commend you on taking the initiative to explore your psychological boundaries further. I wish you the best in your journey of self-discovery in 2023.

Hello, I just wanted to say that I can see you're a little lost. If I'm not mistaken, you're 27.8 years old, without a partner or friends. You're actually very lonely. I can see that although you don't feel the need for love, you still need self-love. In fact, you're a person who relies on your own life. It's not good to suppress yourself like this.

You don't call your family much because you didn't learn to love as a child, or you weren't loved by others. You don't know that love and care in a relationship are inevitably linked, and that makes you feel uncomfortable.

What do you think?

Let's work through this together.

1. You don't call your relatives because you find it annoying or you don't know what to say or what to talk about. You don't feel that such concern and greetings allow you to connect emotionally with your relatives.

2. When someone close to you passes away, you don't feel much. You just see it as someone leaving, and it doesn't have much impact on you emotionally.

3. Your father is absent, and you're not too worried about it. You don't ask too many questions, either. You even think it's unnecessary and a hassle.

Fourth, the typical self-centered, reality-based happiness allows you to live a relaxed, carefree life without worrying about what others think, without wanting to socialize, and without wanting to give.

5. I don't know if you've taken the time to really understand what kind of parents your biological family is like. You should have lacked a lot of love during the same year. When you need it, if there is no one who can give you a sense of trust, you will completely shut yourself in and think only of yourself.

Today, even though you don't want to socialize or communicate, you actually think that's a good thing. Of course, everyone has the right to live their life as they choose. But humans are social animals, and to fit in, you have to understand how to interact with others and navigate the world. Being an isolated individual without any sense of what it means to be part of a society is incomplete.

Your problem isn't as big as you think, and you shouldn't dwell on your opinions or doubt your shortcomings.

Next, I'll share some advice.

1. Learn how people should socialize. Your parents should have taught you this when you were growing up, but you didn't.

2. Be okay with your own imperfections. We all have flaws. Accepting yourself means accepting others as well. No matter what your childhood was like or what kind of parents you had, you should learn to live with the past.

3. People need emotional connections with each other, between parents, relatives, colleagues, and friends. Without these, a person will feel isolated and unloved. You might say that you don't feel cared for or loved right now. My advice is to focus on loving others with the same love you want to receive.

4. Trust yourself. Try to trust your friends. Don't isolate yourself. If you do, you'll feel lonely and anxious, and your thoughts will wander.

5. Being fit makes you happier and gives you more energy to care for the people you should care about.

I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you. Best regards, Liu Qi

Hello, stranger.

After reading your account, I was immediately struck by the image of a knight-errant walking the rivers and lakes.

Most people in the world go it alone to experience the joys and sorrows of the human world, for the sake of their own lives and safety. Over time, some things are taken lightly and forgotten.

However, every so often, some feelings will come flooding back for you to savor. Loneliness becomes a habit for those who have been lonely for a long time and slowly becomes an instinct for getting along with others.

There should not be too much great sorrow or great joy, and they become even more blurred under the baptism of time.

But when you wake up in the middle of the night, there is always a soft corner in your heart that longs for something. You know it when you feel it.

You replaced grief with sighs when a loved one passed away, and you knew it. There were many warning quotes to yourself in your heart.

When your father fell ill and you had to take care of him, you were impatient. That situation will undoubtedly bring back memories of the time when you were not on good terms with your father.

But when you say that your family back home is sick and you have to learn to take care of them, you are facing a new situation.

Your emotions will always find an answer in your past experiences. You are alone in this world, rushing to get to where you need to be, and you forget your true feelings along the way.

I feel sorry for you, but you're going to be okay. There's someone out there who will cherish you, even if it takes time. Take care, chivalrous man!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

The topic author's confessions made me think I would have said the same. When I was young, I thought this behavior was independence. Later, I learned it's related to growth.

When I was young, I didn't stay close to my parents. My relationship with my grandfather was indifferent. My grandmother loved me, but only to make sure I was well fed and clothed. No one taught me how to express that love, so we got used to being alone. During work, I often don't contact my family. At one time I didn't contact my parents for up to a year. I always felt that this was normal.

No connection in relationships

Every relationship takes time to build and keep. When we were growing up, our family didn't interact with us much, which made us feel indifferent and lack intimacy. This lack of connection makes us work harder to maintain the relationship.

We prefer to spend our time and energy only on the relationships we want to maintain. The questioner does not love their family, but we are used to this indifference.

Excuses for avoiding relationships

We care about these relationships and feelings, but we don't spend much time together. We don't want to manage these relationships, so we become less willing to maintain them. If we keep doing this, we'll be alone.

When someone touches on something we care about, we realize that we don't like being alone. We're afraid that when we're with other people, we won't be able to make everyone happy. We need to put in a lot of effort to make everyone happy, so it's better to stay alone.

Ask yourself if you've ever said, "I'll get back to it later," when you want to contact someone. You'll feel bad at first, but you'll get used to it.

Try a new approach.

If it's too serious, it will affect our relationships and social life. Once we know our problems, we can improve our situation.

1. Learning: We have learned that psychology is everywhere in our lives. It can help us find solutions to problems. We can read books about interpersonal relationships. "Communication Psychology" is recommended. It is easy to understand and makes initial changes more acceptable. Sometimes we avoid getting in touch because we do not know how to communicate with others.

2. Plan: When we stop contacting each other, we think it's normal. But it's not. We can start by setting a small goal, like contacting someone a few times a month on certain days. Write out a plan and start it. When we take the initiative to connect, we'll look forward to it and become more active.

3. Find topics: When we get along, we should talk about different things. This will make it easier to chat with each other. We should also try to get to know each other better. This will help us to understand what each other likes and doesn't like.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Greetings,

It seems as though you may be experiencing some difficulties in forming emotional connections in your interpersonal relationships. These connections allow us to give our attention and understanding to others, which is an act of love that is not necessarily expected in return.

It seems that the questioner may not be as eager for an emotional connection as they could be. Even when they feel lonely or helpless, they often remain detached from others.

I'm heartened to see that the original poster has already identified this issue within themselves and observed the signs by comparing themselves with their colleagues.

Psychologist Erich Fromm once said, "The love we experience is a constant challenge; love is not just a place of rest, but a place of movement, growth, and joint work. Even in times of harmony, conflict, joy, or sadness, love has its second attribute, which is for two people to experience themselves together, rather than running away from themselves."

The questioner indicated that this is how they used to be. It seems that the "used to be" here refers to the time when they could remember, which suggests that the questioner may have experienced severe emotional neglect as a child. This could be a contributing factor to their current tendency to remain indifferent to establishing long-term and stable relationships. In the book "Neglected Children," the author notes that children who have experienced emotional neglect may develop certain psychological and behavioral disorders as they grow up, such as a reluctance to depend on others and a preference for solitude. The flow of emotions between people nourishes the soul. Without this flow of emotions, the soul may become stunted, life may lack vitality, and many challenges may arise, including mental illness.

Overcoming emotional neglect in childhood is a challenging process. While self-study of psychology can provide insights and guidance, a sustained and stable counseling relationship is often the most effective way to facilitate change. By establishing a long-term, stable relationship, it is possible to gradually repair the neurons in the brain that regulate interpersonal interactions and intimacy. I hope you will consider seeking counseling to support your journey of transformation.

I believe you are just beginning to navigate the complexities of society, and establishing a healthy attachment is of great significance to your future life path. I am a psychological listener, Zhang Huili, and I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If you find it useful, please consider giving me a like.