I seem to be sick, emotionless, experiencing a rush of emotions will make me happy.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, and I'm here to help.

I hug you with all my heart. You isolate yourself from the outside world and from other people. You build a castle where you feel safe and don't have to worry about other people's judgments, especially not criticism, accusations, and negativity.

However, after spending too long in the castle, you will inevitably become bored and experience an indescribable sense of loneliness. You will lose interest in everything because there is no one to share it with, no one to talk to. You will feel lonely because you are not seen or heard.

A sense of worth, security, and presence gives our lives strength.

You say you have lost your emotions, and that experiencing intense (anxious and hurried) emotions makes you happy. Other people and things hardly cause any emotional response in you. You may think you are "unruffled," but in fact you are "blocking out" all the sounds in this way.

Let's be clear: emotional detachment is a defense mechanism that isolates you from the outside world and builds a "safe castle." When you feel that people and things in the outside world may attack you, you subconsciously and instinctively defend yourself. It's as simple as the gecko cutting off its tail, the skunk farting, or the North American opossum playing dead.

Humans also have self-defense mechanisms. Over the course of long-term interactions, you have developed an automatic "shielding" mode of "not listening and not asking," which makes you feel safe in a "vacuum."

On the other hand, you are finding a sense of "being" through experiencing intense emotions. A sense of worth, security, and existence fills our lives with strength. This means you are still full of emotion.

I am pleased to see that you have a good sense of awareness, which many people lack.

You perceive yourself, others, and the outside world with clarity. You know what you want and don't want in your interactions with others, and when you are alone, you can truly feel yourself, your loneliness, pain, and helplessness.

I don't know your upbringing, your environment, or how your parents raised you, but I know you are worthy and your existence is valuable and unique.

Give yourself positive feedback. Affirm, praise, and approve of yourself constantly. This will gradually enhance your sense of self-worth. No matter how negatively your parents or teachers may have judged you, it was only an evaluation of the "things" you did. It had nothing to do with you as a "person."

In the process of self-exploration, you must care for yourself. Many people in the world are experiencing what you are experiencing, just like Tara, the author of "You Should Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain," who healed her childhood trauma by studying for 10 years.

Take Adler, for example. Despite his fame, he was deeply tormented by feelings of inferiority. Then there's Stephen Chow and Jim Carrey. They're the kings of comedy, but they're also suffering from depression. They dedicate their joy to the screen, but they're not happy in real life.

You are not alone. When you open your heart, you will have the whole world at your fingertips because your whole being is open, and that is the state of enjoyment.

2. Seeing your own patterns gives you more choices.

Thoughts determine behavior, and the repetition of behavior forms habits. This means that our lives are shaped by past habits, and the same is true of internal patterns. When you want to change it, you must face a countervailing force working against you.

Your "indifference," which shows no feelings, and your deliberate self-harm are patterns you've formed. They're the result of past experiences that once helped you, but they don't serve you now.

You can change. You can live a new life without being trapped by the patterns of the past.

Stay aware.

Seeing allows you to make a new choice, which makes you more free. Awareness brings about change, and change is a new choice after seeing. Seeing is the prerequisite for change.

You will be pleasantly surprised to find that your life has also changed when you change some past patterns.

People are reluctant to change unless they can feel love. When they feel love, they choose to change. It's that simple.

Connect with yourself and love yourself through meditation. If you need professional help, find a trusted counselor on the platform.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm responding to your question.

From what you've said, it seems like you've lost your emotions. But the way I see it, there's no emotional expression at all. It's like you can still perceive some emotional expression in yourself, but the manifestation of losing emotions is that most emotions are indifferent, without desires or ambitions, not wanting anything, and not interested in anything. But it seems like you're not like this. You can still perceive your inexplicable emotional excitement, and experience pain by doing things that harm yourself.

I've actually experienced this before. It seems that when we experience pain, our brains release dopamine, which makes us feel happier. This may be because our psychological protection mechanism doesn't want us to be truly happy. Instead, it wants us to feel the thrill of being abused, which creates a sense of coexistence between ourselves and our bodies.

I think there are a few possibilities:

[1] The feelings and sensations that arise could be due to early post-traumatic stress disorder.

The questioner didn't mention any past experiences or trauma in the previous paragraph. So it's possible that these feelings and behaviors are the result of past experiences and trauma. For example, I enjoy pain, heartbreak, and being hurt because my past experiences have made me more sensitive to these emotions. I like experiencing these feelings and expressing the difference between the inner and outer worlds.

[2] The reason for the big difference between what's going on inside and what we show to the outside world may be that what's going on inside is more rational, while what we show to the outside world is more emotional.

It's like when we want to be sad, but our logical mind tells us not to. So on the emotional and logical levels, it seems that our logical mind is stronger, preventing us from expressing ourselves truthfully to the outside world. In other words, when your inner self tells you to face the world rationally, then your outer self wants you to be more emotional.

[3] Our internal protective mechanism often leads to such inconsistent expressions.

We all know that when we want to express love, an event, or an emotion, sometimes we have our own thoughts and judgments inside. Usually, we choose a mechanism that protects us, which makes us look a certain way or act a certain way. This is a state of protection for ourselves, and it also makes us feel like we are alive and experiencing our own pain.

Ultimately, this is just my take on the core reasons behind the different emotional expressions in the internal and external realms. I hope it provides some insight for the questioner.

Hello, question asker! It's like seeing you in person after reading your words.

After reading your description, I just want to give you a big hug through the screen! I can tell you were aware of your own patterns of behavior while you were describing all this. You have the rare advantage of being extremely perceptive, and it is precisely because of this outstanding perceptiveness that you were able to use it to become aware of your patterns of behavior, which led to the sentence at the end of your description: "This makes me happy."

Oh, absolutely! If I were to name this part of your description, I would call it a gift.

Well, are you ready? Let's unwrap this gift you've given yourself together, my friend.

At the beginning, you mentioned that you "seem to have lost your emotions." When faced with friends, relatives, teachers, etc., you don't have much of an emotional response. When you are isolated by your friends, you are superficially very sad, but inside you are unmoved. When loved ones scold and abuse you, etc., you put on a show on the surface, but inside you feel nothing. My dear, after reading this, I have to give you a round of applause for the first time, because if you really "felt nothing inside," you would not have known that you had "not much of an emotional response," "superficially very sad, but inside you are unmoved," "put on a show on the surface, but inside you feel nothing," etc. This series of expressions. The fact that you were able to express them like this in your description just proves that you have a keen sense of feeling.

So, what's the problem? Let's keep reading together!

In your description, you go on to say, "Sometimes I feel that nothing matters, not even my own life. Whenever I'm alone, I feel a little bit of emptiness inside, but only a little bit. The situation now is that I'm not interested in anything and I don't care about anything. I'm also very confused about myself. What should I do and how should I do it?" — Have you noticed?

I can see that you've made a big step forward in this section. You've started to describe your feelings in a really honest way, like in this example: "Sometimes I feel that nothing matters, not even my own life. Whenever I'm alone, I feel a bit hollow inside and it's hard to bear." And in this one: "The situation now is that I'm not interested in anything and I don't care about anything." When you can put your feelings into concrete terms, it shows that you're starting to care about your own state. So, after going through this, I'm even more certain that I was right in my feelings: you really are a partner who cares for yourself very much!

And you even asked yourself, "What should I do and how?"

Let's keep reading together before we think about this question.

You said, "I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I just can't help myself. Sometimes I get inexplicably excited and do things that hurt me, not self-harm, but things that will cause trouble for me in the future, things that make me sick or things I hate the most. I can't control the evil in me, and deliberately torturing myself seems to make me feel better. I know that thing has expired, but I keep eating it anyway, until I end up taking seven or eight kinds of stomach medicine a day, and I can go without food, starve myself, or skip homework to experience the rush of anxiety. This makes me happy." Oh, sweetheart, I would rather see this description as your monologue to yourself. I can see that you have shared in detail and clearly the way you deal with these patterns of behavior. I suddenly feel a mixture of emotions across the screen: I'm happy for you, but I also feel for you.

I'm really happy to see how strong you are in facing the challenges of not being accepted by your family, friends, and teachers. I feel for you, though, because you're such a sensitive soul!

It's so impressive how far you've come, especially given the challenges you've faced. It's not easy to deal with a series of conditions that are out of your control and far from your expectations. But you've made it this far, which just goes to show how strong you really are!

So, remember to cherish everything you have in the present. They may not be tangible, but after sorting through the previous section, I am sure that you can definitely feel and make good use of them!

Live your life the way you are most comfortable, day by day, and one day you will become the person you like!

Remember, you haven't lost anything! They're actually empowering you in a different way, and you've already inspired them from your body and mind.

So, when you're ready, I'm here to help. All you have to do is release your troubles and seek help here. Your courage will help you push open a large crack in the door called "growth."

That's your response, and that's all you need to write.

You've got this! Never underestimate the power you have!

Take care of yourself, my dear!

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first, and it'll be like a big, comforting hug from a friend!

I'm thrilled to see that you've asked for help! I'm excited to share my insights and support you in making positive changes. I also want to commend you for being so aware of your emotional state. Having a good understanding of your feelings is the first step to making positive shifts.

From your description, I can tell that you've made the choice to respond to your husband's hurtful words and actions in a way that shows indifference, unconcern, and insensitivity. This is a great example of a self-defense mechanism described in psychoanalysis!

The good news is that you can break free from the cycle of inappropriate behavior patterns and make positive changes in your life! The reason why these patterns continue to recur is often because of trauma experienced during early childhood. But you have the power to change this! The way a person is treated determines how they treat themselves, so you can choose to treat yourself with love and respect.

In other words, during your early years of growth, important others were emotionally insensitive, ignored you, and even verbally and behaviorally humiliated and hurt you. For that weak and helpless you at the time, although you knew that all this did not mean that you were really not good enough, you did not have the ability or resources to give yourself better protection and support. So, unintentionally, you chose to ignore, numb, not care, and respond to this part of painful emotions and feelings in a way that was indifferent in order to better protect yourself. What do you think?

You have the power to take control of your life and create a better future for yourself! When you understand your own behavior in a situation, you can make better choices. With this understanding, you can learn and grow from past experiences. You can let go of the past and move forward with a positive mindset. You are equal to everyone else and deserve to be treated with respect. When you feel afraid, speak up and share your feelings. Let him know how his words and actions make you feel. You deserve to be treated well!

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum! The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner doubts his own life and its meaning. He is constantly challenging the meaning of his own existence and trying to find a sense of it through various means. He has an existential crisis and always expects to find a sense of his own existence through harm and things that make things difficult for himself.

When did the questioner start making things difficult for himself? Why can't he find his sense of existence?

Did your parents ignore you? When people don't feel good about themselves, they often try to make themselves feel better by hurting themselves.

Has the questioner ever thought about why they doubt their existence?

Our family of origin often influences our thoughts and behavior. Parents often care more about their children's grades than their personal growth. They may not take psychological problems seriously and still demand that their children study hard. This can be difficult for children. They may have to adjust to themselves and adapt to society, which can be challenging.

We can't discuss the question in detail because it was asked on a platform. I can only give the questioner some simple advice.

Facing existential crises

Why does the questioner make things difficult for himself? Why don't others do the same?

It's related to the original family. The questioner's character also plays a role.

The questioner can examine whether they are facing an existential crisis. Are they looking for a sense of their own existence?

Maybe the original family made the questioner doubt the meaning of his own existence.

Why do people search for a sense of existence? Do they feel alone and disconnected?

Has something important happened to the questioner that has made them seek meaning? Or has the questioner experienced death, which has given them a sense of facing death and led to their current state?

Find your meaning in life.

Existentialism says everyone has their own meaning of existence. The questioner needs to find out what it is.

List what you value most. Imagine you have to give something up. What would it be?

Then, the questioner can focus on things they value, put all their energy into them, and find meaning in their existence. Look around you and see if there are others who value the same things.

The questioner would feel less lonely.

Stop negative thinking.

Your negative thoughts come from your attachment to them, not from the thoughts themselves.

If you wake up thinking it's going to be a bad day, try to cheer yourself up. Tell yourself that it won't be so bad after all.

When you have negative thoughts, don't dwell on them. Speak something positive instead. Over time, your mindset will change.

Be positive every day.

Every day, start with a positive attitude. When you wake up, think of five happy things.

These happy things can be small events in life, such as listening to a good song, watching a good movie, smelling tea today, and buying what you wanted yesterday. Think about these things and say them out loud.

A positive mindset is the foundation for starting the day. You may feel silly saying positive things out loud, but studies have shown that saying positive things out loud makes you believe what you say.

This will make you happier and help you focus.

Get help from others.

The author should seek professional psychological counseling. Describing your behavior to these professionals will help you pour out your heart. These interventions are confidential, so the author should be honest.

Describe how your thoughts make you feel, how you deal with them, and if you need to, keep talking to these professionals until your family issues stop bothering you.

I hope this helps the questioner.

It is possible that being subjected to abuse may cause the subconscious mind to activate the defense mechanism of emotional detachment.

For instance, when I am treated poorly by others, I can only respond in a neutral manner by suppressing emotions such as anger and sadness.

Self-abuse appears to be a form of self-mockery, a method of making life more challenging for oneself to illustrate to the inner negative entity.

A similar sentiment is expressed in the following way: "Don't you just want to make me suffer? I don't need you to cause me trouble; I'll create obstacles for myself."

Concurrently, I permit myself to experience discomfort in order to derive a sense of gratification from sadism.

It is as if I were to receive a slap on the left cheek and then smile while slapping myself on the right cheek.

While I may appear to be in a positive emotional state, I may actually be feeling empty or unwavering, while tears may be welling up inside me.

Emotional detachment is a defense mechanism that the subconscious mind activates to protect itself.

I appear to have lost my emotional responsiveness. When interacting with friends, relatives, or teachers, I do not display a strong emotional reaction. When friends isolate me, I seem to be visibly sad, but internally I am detached. When loved ones scold or abuse me, I present a stoic front, feeling nothing inside. Sometimes I feel like nothing matters, not even my own life.

In the event of external aggression, the natural instinct is to protect oneself.

If you are unable to prevent the harm when you lack the capacity to do so, a range of emotions will arise.

Emotions are primarily a form of experience. When an individual is in a negative emotional state, it can have a detrimental impact on their well-being.

Therefore, the subconscious separation of emotions can result in a reduction in negative feelings.

In your interactions with friends, family, and teachers, you exhibit a lack of emotional engagement. It is possible that you have experienced hurt from someone you trusted or loved. In order to improve your emotional state, you have learned to detach from emotions and isolate your feelings.

I am estranged from friends, censured by relatives, and perceived as melancholy, but I am merely demonstrating that I have attained my objective by exhibiting vulnerability.

The lack of emotional response is akin to a protective barrier.

Emotions are a crucial aspect of an individual's life. When there is a lack of emotional engagement, it can lead to a lack of interest and concern for other aspects of life.

2. To recognize and acknowledge the emotional emptiness, it is essential to confront it directly.

When I am alone, I experience a slight sense of emptiness and discomfort, but only to a minor degree. Currently, I find myself lacking in interest and concern for various matters. Additionally, I am experiencing a high level of confusion regarding my personal identity. In light of these challenges, I seek guidance on the most effective course of action to address these issues.

When you are alone, it is an opportune time to engage in self-reflection and self-care.

It is only when I return to a state of self-awareness that I am able to identify my emotional requirements.

It is possible that your emotional needs have been met so infrequently that you have effectively blocked them all.

I am experiencing a sense of emptiness in my heart. I am unsure of my next steps and am questioning the purpose and nature of my relationships. These feelings are indicative of an individual who, despite being a living, breathing human being, is struggling to find a sense of existence.

To fulfill the need for fulfillment, one must first achieve emotional fulfillment.

In the event that your family, friends, or teachers are unable to treat you in a satisfactory manner, it is imperative that you treat yourself with the utmost respect and consideration.

It is only by learning to love yourself that you can hope to gain the love of others.

3. Self-torture represents a silent conflict between the individual and an external source of negative influence.

I am aware that my actions are inappropriate, yet I am unable to regulate my behavior. At times, I experience sudden bursts of excitement that result in actions that are detrimental to my well-being. These actions are not limited to self-harm but extend to behaviors that could potentially lead to future complications, such as consuming food that has exceeded its expiration date or deliberately engaging in self-harm. I am cognizant of the fact that the food in question has exceeded its shelf life, yet I continue to consume it. By the end of the day, I find myself resorting to a multitude of medications to alleviate the discomfort. I am also aware that skipping meals or neglecting my academic responsibilities could have adverse effects on my health and performance. However, I find myself succumbing to the temptation of experiencing the rush of anxiety that accompanies these actions.

I have become indifferent to external stimuli.

Despite my efforts to avoid the distressing consequences of the situation, the emotional detachment I experience is equally challenging.

To stimulate emotional responses within yourself, you may learn from the ways in which others cause you pain and treat yourself in a similar manner.

It is akin to a child who has learned the parenting style and goes to scold another child, except that the other child is a stand-in for oneself.

This allows one to experience the thrill of inflicting pain, or the thrill of inflicting pain on oneself and making others feel guilty in retaliation.

Furthermore, individuals may engage in self-inflicted torture as a means of experiencing their own existence.

These methods entail a combination of distress and elation.

Anxious and hurried behavior may be a form of anxiety. Experiencing anxiety may be a way to demonstrate to oneself that one is not indifferent to someone or something, thereby facilitating relaxation.

We all live for ourselves. If others cause us pain, we have the option to disengage.

One must take responsibility for one's own actions and the resulting consequences.

It is often said that life is already challenging enough without adding unnecessary difficulties to the equation.

To achieve a sense of existence and fill the emotional void in your heart with warmth, it is essential to adopt a relaxed and kind approach towards yourself with the aim of achieving happiness.

Please refer to the section above.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a licensed psychological counselor. I encourage you to prioritize your well-being and recognize your intrinsic value.