I stayed in a hotel two years ago and am afraid of being secretly filmed in an indecent video. How can I alleviate my fear?

Hello, I'm Jianlin, a counselor!

I read your question. We all make mistakes when we're young.

Then, you went on a date with a friend you met online. You agreed to let him in and started a relationship when you were feeling down.

This has caused you a lot of regret and will affect your future life. When you fall in love, this will hurt you the most.

Fear and anxiety arise when you see negative news and videos of people's private lives being filmed and shared online. It makes you feel trapped.

Waiting for impossible outcomes makes you live in fear. For someone who respects love and values emotions,

Such a wrong experience makes us regret it. If it has a social impact, it will affect our future lives. I understand your feelings.

You love him and he loves you. You accept him for who he is. You've been together, but he doesn't know. He doesn't care about your past.

If he cares, it's in the past. I believe he will forgive. That's the power of love. You don't need to worry about yourself or worry that he will find out.

The past is the past. Don't worry about it or tell others about it. It's just a life experience.

Some hotels are secretly photographed, but this is not a common problem.

If it were common, these criminals would've been arrested. He makes up gimmicks to make it seem like he's been arrested.

If he's taking pictures of everyone and posting them online, he's exposing himself. No criminal tells people, "I've done something bad."

It's impossible to be photographed.

You won't be filmed. Our hotel is bound by relevant laws.

There's no way there will be a camera. Such videos cannot be released because they'll only bring more evidence for him to commit crimes. Some illegal acts are individual problems.

You don't need to be nervous. So many years have passed, and even if there were some circumstances, they would have already spread.

Just ignore it. Do you still need these doubts?

Cherish what's in front of you, your loved ones, and your life.

Is that not enough? Let's turn our worries and doubts into love and put it into action for those we love.

Make our happy life more exciting. We need this right now.

You've been thinking about a mistake you made on impulse for many years. It's had a serious impact on you. Let's analyze it together and see if it helps. Thank you.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, I can ascertain that you previously exhibited a rather negative and depressed disposition. You once lived a life of helplessness and lacked the courage to aspire to a bright and beautiful future. However, you ultimately chose to abandon your life, and your life did not abandon you. You met your partner with whom you fell in love, got engaged, and made a vow to marry.

However, the advent of happiness often coincides with a concomitant fear of its loss. This can manifest as deep anxiety and guilt, which may result in nervous and anxious behavior, including uncontrollable self-defeating actions, to the extent that the individual experiences a sense of imminent collapse. In such instances, the pain may be so overwhelming that the individual may even consider directly terminating the positive circumstances that are unfolding, driven by a desire to escape the discomfort.

You are attempting to conceal the unfavorable aspects of your past, hoping to erase the negative history you have accumulated. However, when you view the news on the internet, you become uneasy and suspect that your past actions have been revealed.

I empathize with your situation.

It is important to note that life is not a series of disconnected events, but rather a continuous journey. Each moment is shaped by the experiences of the past, and it is the accumulation of these experiences that form the present self. It is this present self that is perceived as having light and soul by the other person. It is also possible that the other person has been seeking a deeper spiritual connection with you.

It is natural to have a past that one would rather not remember. However, it is important to accept it with an open mind. Doing so can help to eliminate it as a source of pain and instead transform it into a stepping stone for growth and progress. It allows us to view and treat the same things from a higher perspective, and it can lead us to discover new possibilities and opportunities in life.

I hope you will be able to make your own choice without regret.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, questioner. I am Yang Quanli, a listening coach. I can tell from your question that you are currently experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety.

I know this has been troubling you for a while. If I were in your shoes, I would be worried and anxious, too.

There are two reasons for your anxiety. First, you don't accept your past actions, so your subconscious mind is reminding you of them, causing you to feel nervous. Second, you have someone you love, and you're worried that because of your past, he won't love you anymore and you'll lose him.

First, the past is the past. If you want to move on, you have to let it truly become the past. You just had a relationship with someone else, something that was consensual. You can't let this continue to affect you negatively just because of an unpleasant experience. An action is one thing, but the impact can be long-lasting, and it's not cost-effective. Stop in time. From the perspective of sex psychology, you are an adult, and you are the master of your body. This has nothing to do with other people.

❤️Second, if you are worried about being discovered by your loved one, you can choose to be proactive and honest, or you can choose to keep it buried forever. You know what is more important, and you will weigh the pros and cons yourself. You know your loved one best, and you know the consequences of telling or not telling. At the same time, this is also a process for you to gain a deeper understanding of whether this man really loves you.

Finally, stop worrying and relax. The chance of your previous affairs being leaked is one in ten thousand. Besides, if the other person really leaks it, they'll also be breaking the law. No normal person would do that. Even if it is leaked, you're protected by the law, so don't worry.

Rest assured, the supervision of network security is now very well done.

Remember, you are your own master, and your body belongs only to you. Don't hurt yourself and affect your current life because of a past action. Believe that you yourself have learned something from the last action, and you will love yourself more in the future.

Hello! I understand your worry. Let me give you a hug.

You love your partner and think he loves you too. Otherwise, you wouldn't have gotten engaged.

It's been two years. If someone had filmed you, they would've threatened you with the video and extorted money. Since that didn't happen, it's unlikely that you were filmed.

The news media often reports on secret hotel filming, but this is often exaggerated. Hotel secret filming is a major event, but it is still a small probability event, so you don't need to worry too much!

If you feel bad, tell your partner! It's a good way to test if they love you.

Everyone makes mistakes. We've all been immature at some point.

If he's unhappy, angry, or looks down on you, it means he loves himself more than you. He's not worth having!

The past is just a life experience. Let it go and start anew!

Good day, my name is Xiaolan, a family psychologist. You may also refer to me as Chenxi. I will assist you in analyzing the situation based on my understanding of the world. I hope this will be of benefit to you.

As I reviewed your description, I concluded that your primary concern was not the potential for your hotel experience to be surreptitiously recorded.

Instead, you entered into a marriage with the individual you are currently involved with, who is a commendable spouse.

However, you do not hold yourself in high regard. You perceive yourself as an ordinary woman, or even a somewhat carefree one.

The fundamental reason for your concern about the hotel experience was your own aggression. Why was I so casual about it? Why did I agree to it?

To be frank, is it unusual to have such an experience? In the current social climate, if a colleague were to share such an experience, it would be perceived as implausible.

You present a potential risk to the situation.

You will not believe it and will reassure her that it is impossible.

The reason for this is that you would not resort to physical violence.

However, if the same situation were to occur, you would likely focus on your own shortcomings and perceived randomness. This is an example of self-attack, which can stem from low self-esteem.

Your expectations of and approach to intimate relationships are not aligned with your personal growth goals.

Therefore, when someone is kind, considerate, and accepting, it can be difficult to leave a situation that provides such a positive experience. However, there may still be a sense of unease or guilt associated with the arrangement.

You will perceive yourself as unworthy of the other person. At this juncture, you will recall your initial actions, and the hotel experience will serve to reinforce your belief that you are undeserving of the other person's regard.

This will result in a strong sense of self-criticism.

The incident is inconsequential; it is merely an assault on your role as a carrier.

It is crucial to address the inferiority complex you have with your husband and the sense of guilt you feel towards him.

You tend to disregard your own feelings and self-care, which often results in self-attack. Why do you ignore your own needs? Because you have become indifferent to them, you have lost sight of potential regrets, and you have become inattentive to them. Consequently, when something occurs, you perceive it as unacceptable.

What is the rationale for this approach?

Once you cease to prioritize your own needs and when someone has a need for you at this time, even if it causes you some harm, or even great harm, you will find a reason to satisfy the other person. Hotel behavior is one of them.

Given the lack of optimism regarding future prospects, it seems prudent to prioritize meeting his needs, even if it entails embracing new experiences and feelings. This approach, however, represents a clear neglect of self-care. It is likely that this pattern will resurface in future marital relationships.

You and your husband have experienced some disagreements. While one particular issue may have caused you discomfort at the time, you will ultimately be able to meet your husband's needs. Over time, you may find yourself questioning your ability to be more assertive and take a stronger stance in the relationship.

These feelings of regret serve only one purpose: to instill a sense of self-worth and establish a unique position and status within the relationship.

I would advise you to seek the assistance of a counselor to address the feelings of inferiority you are experiencing in your romantic relationships, in your couple relationships, and in your interpersonal relationships. However, I strongly recommend that you consult with me to resolve this issue. I will provide a swift and effective solution.

Ultimately, I am committed to helping you achieve greater happiness and joy.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan, and I'm here to help.

From what the author has shared, it seems like they're really worried that their past actions might be found out by the person they're currently in love with. It's understandable! We all have past experiences that we're not proud of, and it's natural to feel guilty about them when we're in a relationship. These negative emotions can really take a toll on our mental health, and it's no surprise that the author is feeling anxious.

I truly believe that the bond between two people should be valued above all else. It's so important to genuinely like and get along with each other.

When we value something or a relationship, it's only natural that we don't want to lose it. The questioner is in this situation, and it's totally understandable. When we're faced with a sincere and rare relationship, it's important to cherish it and be grateful. And of course, you deserve it!

The answerer has given the questioner lots of great advice, and it'd be a good idea to check out which tips fit best with what the questioner is looking for. But, if a relationship starts with deception, it might end up being treated the same way in the future.

How should the questioner face his fiancée and his past? It can be tough to have an effective discussion on the platform. I can only give the questioner some simple advice on her anxiety:

It would be really helpful for you to find out what's causing your anxiety.

I'd love to help you figure out what's making you feel anxious. Is it the worry about the future of the marriage, or the guilt about past mistakes?

This means that the questioner needs to take a deep breath and think carefully about what might be making them feel this way. It can be really helpful to write things down so that you can look at them later.

It would be really helpful for the questioner to find out what makes them feel negative emotions and figure out what the root cause of the negative emotions is. For example, it might be that the questioner feels that they have given up on themselves in the past due to a wrong concept and have done things that they regret.

The questioner is even worried that their video will be secretly filmed and posted online for others to enjoy, and that their fiancé will find it. From the questioner's own account, these thoughts are more based on the questioner's own speculation. Why is this so? It's okay to ask these questions! It's possible that the questioner feels that they are imperfect because they have done something wrong in the past, and are afraid that what happened in the past has destroyed the intimate relationship that the questioner values now.

It's totally understandable to feel anxious when you think your fiancée might find out about your past and that the good times will be gone forever. But it's only by figuring out the source of your negative emotions that you can respond to your concerns.

It's so important to try to face your own problems.

Once you've taken the time to understand where your negative emotions are coming from, it's time to cheer yourself up and see if you can face or deal with this problem. Let's take the example of the questioner who feels that his past indulgences have been revealed by his fiancé, which will have serious consequences. Has the questioner thought about these consequences?

Can you face it alone? It's totally understandable to feel anxious if you've never faced something beautiful before.

It's totally normal to feel a bit scared when you have to face the possibility of losing something you really value. These emotions can be pretty powerful and affect us at all times, making us feel fearful.

When you're feeling down, try not to dwell on your negative emotions. Instead, focus on the positive! With time, you'll get used to it and your mindset will change.

Let's make a list of the worst possible outcomes.

Now, think about the worst possible outcome, and also think about the worst possible outcome for you. Write them both down, and then think about whether you have any strategies for dealing with them, or whether you just can't accept them.

It's totally normal to worry about this and that and feel a bit down or anxious. But it's really helpful to write down these worst-case scenarios and come up with a plan of action. For example, what will your fiancé do when he finds out about your past? When it actually happens, you'll be able to respond according to the plan, so the anxiety won't be as bad.

It's so important to remember that there are always more ways than there are difficulties. Our ancestors always said that it's wise to discover the problems around you early and be prepared for the future. Sometimes, taking the initiative, the question owner can appropriately communicate with his fiancée when he is happy. How many relationships has the husband been in? How many relationships has the question owner been in? And deepen these topics to understand each other. Because if he rejects the question owner just because she is not a virgin, then does the fiancée love that layer of skin or the real her?

It's also important for the original poster to think about it carefully.

Let's stop those negative thoughts!

When you understand where your negative thoughts come from, cheer yourself up and overcome them! For example, when you wake up in the morning and you feel that it will be a bad morning, after you have noticed your negative thoughts, you should say to yourself that the morning doesn't feel very good, but it will get better after the morning, so as to maintain your positive attitude. You've got this!

When you're faced with negative thoughts, try not to dwell on them or speak them out loud. Instead, say something positive! If you do this for a long time, you'll get used to it and your state of mind will change. So, if the questioner is a woman with a fragrant soul, will she still be able to encounter the love she wants?

When you're ready, you can face your past self with courage and strength. It's a wonderful way to grow and become more fearless! Remember, you don't have to live in the past. You are a new, improved version of yourself today!

And remember, every day is a new day to greet with a smile and a positive attitude!

Every day, greet the day with a smile and a positive attitude! When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to think of five happy things first.

These happy things can be some little things in life that make you smile, like listening to a lovely song, watching a great movie, enjoying a nice cup of tea, or buying something you wanted yesterday. Think about these things and say them out loud, and they'll help you greet the new day with a smile!

A positive mindset is the perfect way to start a new day! It'll make it much harder for negative emotions to take root. You might feel a bit silly saying positive things out loud, but studies have shown that saying positive things out loud makes you believe in what you're saying even more!

This will make you happier, more focused, and help you avoid having too many negative thoughts.

If you need a little extra support, don't hesitate to reach out for some outside help.

If you feel that the above approach isn't right for you, it's okay! You can always seek help from a professional psychologist or counselor for psychological intervention. Just describe your negative emotions to them. You can talk about them openly and honestly, because these interventions are confidential.

Please explain clearly how these negative emotions make you feel, describe how these emotions generally strike, and tell us how you respond. If you need to, we can keep in touch with these professionals until these negative emotions no longer affect you.

I really hope my answer can help the questioner!