I want to die, I'm a waste of space, I'm good at nothing

Hello, my name is Strawberry, and I'm so grateful for your trust.

After reading your brief and sad confession, I really want to tell you that you have worked hard, and I really want to give you a warm hug so that you can stop for a while and rest.

It's so important to learn to separate topics.

It's so sad when people call others rubbish or useless. It shows they don't have a very open mind. They don't even know what these words mean! It's as if they've never thought about what they're saying.

We can't choose our parents, but we can choose our own lives and decide our own paths. The questioner is first and foremost themselves, and then their children. It's okay if they don't learn all the lessons in life right away — we all have to figure things out as we go! The questioner doesn't need to bear their mistakes.

Biologically, they are the parents of the questioner, and educationally, they are the first mentors in the questioner's life. However, they are a little negligent, and they are using the wrong life experience to educate the questioner, bless their hearts!

Eventually, children will have to leave their parents to complete their own life's tasks. It's important to learn to separate from their parents' issues. Learning also allows us to distinguish between right and wrong. So, regarding incorrect methods of education, it's good to learn to strengthen your inner self and try not to let yourself be affected.

? Incorrectly instilled concepts

It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, they're both your children, born after ten months of pregnancy. I'm sure the parents of the questioner would love to have a daughter too, just like any other mother.

A person's character and perception are closely related to their upbringing, the people they meet, and the education they receive. It's so interesting how the parents' views and actions are so similar! It can be said that they grew up in similar circumstances. Without their own opinions, they are easily influenced by other people's views.

My mother is a wonderful woman, but she has been influenced by the idea that men are superior to women. She feels that she is less valuable because she didn't have a son. She believes that her role in the family is dependent on having a son.

Let's think about this together. The mother of the question is facing her own challenges. She's struggling to let go of this limiting belief. She's even embracing this concept. The father of the question is also facing his own hurdles. He sees his son as the continuation of his life, but he's not fully aware that his daughter has the same bloodline. It's understandable that, under the influence of these beliefs, they're seeking ways to escape their own problems and are hesitant to embrace change.

Take a good look at yourself and learn to love yourself, my dear friend.

In this world, even if no one else loves you, you can love yourself. It's something we have to learn, and it's something we can all do. When we're ready, we'll see that loving yourself is actually pretty simple.

☀️ Learn to talk: Find a tree hole that's just right for you. When you feel like some emotional problems are too big for you to handle on your own, you can talk to the tree hole. It's also a great idea to find someone you can talk to who will really listen to you and give you comfort and advice based on your situation. Try talking about your depression and how you're feeling to help you feel less stressed.

☀️ Build your strength: When we're facing challenges and feel limited in our abilities, it's natural to feel the need to distance ourselves from our parents. But it's also important to remember that we can always choose to be in control of our own lives and not let our parents' actions influence us. The books "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence" are great resources for exploring this further. Building your inner strength is a powerful way to face challenges and overcome fears. It's about learning to ignore their actions and automatically block their negative treatment. The more you face your fears, the more you'll realize that any challenge is surmountable.

☀️Relieve yourself: When you are sad, don't let yourself sink deep into negative emotions alone. You've got this! There are lots of ways to relieve your emotions, such as exercising, singing, drawing, watching videos or books with funny content, etc. Choose the method that suits you and let yourself quickly get rid of the control of negative emotions. We are the masters of our emotions, and we can decide how to deal with it and manage it. If you are strong, it will be weak; if you are weak, it will be strong.

Don't be discouraged by this bump in the road. The world is a beautiful place, just waiting for you to discover and explore it. I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Thanks for having me. I'm Huijuan.

After reading these few sentences, I feel really sorry for you.

I really think you should seek psychological counseling as soon as possible. In the counseling setting, you can experience unconditional acceptance and permission. You can express your emotions fully, experience acceptance fully, let this feeling translate into your life, have enough determination to deal with the maliciousness in life, have the determination to face the difficulties in life, and have the ability to meet the challenges in life.

I'd like to expand on this a bit.

Tiredness comes from a lack of spiritual and mental nourishment, as well as psychological devaluation and emotional neglect. It can also come from spiritual isolation.

This is something that happens.

It all starts with the social environment and limited knowledge and perceptions of cultural backgrounds.

The issue of son preference

These four words sum up a woman's lack of self-worth, sense of worthlessness, humiliation, and shame about her very existence.

This way of thinking is based on past traditions, history, cultural practices, and ideas about masculinity. In many cases, men are given the family inheritance, seen as superior, and become the main labor force in society.

This way of thinking is based on the past: tradition, history, cultural practices, and the way masculinity is perceived. Whether it's the clan lineage, patriarchal society, or the labor force, men are given the family inheritance, male superiority, or the main labor force in society.

And nowadays, men and women are equal, and lots of jobs aren't just manual anymore. Society is always changing, and it's also realized that this culture isn't suitable for today's society and human development. (So, what your parents said isn't true.)

You can choose a new concept if you want to. You don't have to agree with this.

It's clear that his past influence still exists today.

Next on the list is verbal violence.

Verbal violence from parents towards their children is basically a form of mental rejection and abuse.

This is similar to what we've seen with words like "trash," "not worthy of living," and "should die."

The feelings of children who hear these words are actually despondent, don't want to exist, and are self-destructive. They are plunged into the darkest valley on the spiritual level.

This kind of language affects the child's neural pathways, which impacts their intellectual development and hormone levels. (Verbal violence affects brain regions such as the corpus callosum (which transmits motivational, sensory, and cognitive information between brain hemispheres), the hippocampus (which manages emotions), and the prefrontal cortex (which controls thinking and decision-making). During the child's growth process, while still developing, they develop a survival mode to adapt to the environment.

This means that kids who grow up with verbal violence tend to become cautious, timid, shy, and emotionally detached. They often develop a negative personality: low self-esteem, impulsiveness, and violence. (During the growth process, the brain is shaped by the language environment.)

There are typically eight main types of language:

1/Abandonment type: You should never have been born. It would have been better if you had died. Why don't you just kill yourself?

2/Comparative: Look at other people's kids. Look at your brother, look at your younger brother.

3/Blame: You're not very useful.

4/Threatening: "If you do that, I'm not going to be happy."

5/Blame: How could you be so inconsiderate? How could you not be more understanding?

6/Taunting: You're doing all this, and you're not even aware of it.

7/Emotionally abusive: It's all your fault that I'm...

8/Obsessive-compulsive: "Listen to me!"

From what you've said in your text, it's clear you've experienced more than one type. This is not a good situation.

If these feelings are brought on by your own parents, it can be pretty overwhelming.

The limitations of parents.

From an objective standpoint, you don't have a choice about your parents. I was born into this family.

I have parents like that.

The environment and education of your parents. Even your mother, being a woman, subscribes to the idea of male superiority.

Maybe he's been through something similar and is still affected by it. It seems like he's unconsciously repeating what happened to him.

Just because you accept your parents' limitations doesn't mean you have to agree with them. You have to accept their views and deal with the mental pressure they put on you.

We've put together a few questions to help us understand your situation better. Please take your time to answer them. We'll use the answers to help us improve the situation.

How old are you? And who else in your family do you feel you can trust?

Who else in the family can you turn to for advice?

Is there a teacher or neighbor in the community around the school who makes you feel comfortable and understands your situation and can accept you?

In this case, it's important to create some distance from your current environment.

If you're 15 or 16, you might want to consider a boarding school. From now on, treat yourself well.

If there are influential elders in the family, such as grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, or uncles, please actively seek their help, explain your current situation, and ask them to intervene. Persuade your parents or take the initiative to make a change.

If you have a teacher or neighbor at school who is particularly kind to you, don't hesitate to take advantage of their support. Make sure you have the space and environment to grow and be understood.

Keep that light inside you.

I know it's tough to be in this situation. So, answering one question in the Q&A won't fully resolve it.

It'll take time, energy, and a lot of dedication to make a change. That's why I suggested you go for counseling at the beginning.

This experience can't be changed by just saying something or reading something. It's a real experience of being loved and accepted.

I have the power to make things happen.

Look for the right resources to help you. For example, some community neighborhood committees, school counselors, and some social helplines can be a good place to start.

Psychological hotlines are a good option.