I want to study psychology courses, but what should I do if my dad scolds me and calls me mentally ill and crazy?

Venting is not enough. I would tell my parents, "Yes, you said I have a mental illness, so I'm learning to help myself." Thank you for the 150. Ha, there's an extra 20. I'll tell you some good news: mental illness is related to genetics and family factors. I'll let you know when I'm cured.

I don't have that opportunity now.

If you have always sought self-growth, you will find that the older you get, the less negative influence your parents can have on you. You will also find more ways to resist these negative emotions and energies. At the same time, you will learn why they respond to emotions and conflicts in this way.

Since I was diagnosed with mild depression and obsessive thoughts in junior high school, my father has called me mentally ill. I was angry, hated it, and didn't understand it.

I don't know what grade you're in, but you need to understand why your depression hasn't worsened to a severe depression. It's likely that you won't reach a severe depression, although I don't know your exact state.

You have a good sense of self-boundaries and a sense of rebellion.

Adolescents from families with poor mental health awareness must develop a sense of self-boundaries and rebellion to ensure their survival. Until you learn to express your emotions and thoughts more effectively, you can maintain your current "fighting state."

You have a right to be heard. Sometimes you have to fight for it.

I'm going to analyze your parents for you and help you understand them better.

My father said to me in annoyance, "What's wrong with you?"

My father has called me mentally ill ever since I was diagnosed with mild depression or depressive tendencies in junior high school and also had obsessive thoughts.

Your father's reaction clearly shows that he has a strong sense of stigma about mental illness. It's evident that he views it as a very shameful thing, which can make him feel angry and frustrated.

Your discovery of depressive tendencies reflects their incompetence and powerlessness, as well as their frustration with your education. They blame and aggress out of frustration, and you are the target.

You must understand that their reaction, though it makes you feel bad, is not your problem.

You can stop feeling so sad when you hear them react in a similar way in the future, when they attack you with such words. Simply repeat to yourself: "They are saying this about me, but in fact they feel like a failure themselves."

Silently repeating this sentence will help you feel less sad and aggrieved. Try it and see.

My mother is asking, "Is being submissive to you helpful?"

The mother's comment shows that she has tried to go along with you, but it's clear that it hasn't worked. Family relationships and parent-child relationships are still the same as before, and she is also very worried that going along with you will make them lose control of your education.

You need to reflect on two aspects:

1. What is the relationship between mom and dad like? Do they also give in to each other in their daily lives, and do they also want to fight for their rights more often, which often leads to tense situations?

Parents are verbally aggressive, and their patterns will affect your relationship with them. When there's a conflict, neither of you will give in, and there will be verbal attacks.

Your mom is right—it helps to give in to you.

2. Reflect on your own approach to them. This may be difficult for you, but you can do it. Most adolescents clash with their parents during puberty because they're trying to gain more self-control. This is the most frequent and intense period of power struggles in family relationships.

It is related to parenting and family relationship patterns. It is also related to the characteristics of physical and psychological development during adolescence. You are emotionally unstable, prone to extremes, have your own thoughts and opinions, easily refute different opinions, and insist on yourself.

This is normal, but you can control it. If you can perceive your true thoughts and state of mind, you will know whether your words and actions are rebellious and temperamental, or strategically rebuttal. Only in this way can you better take the initiative in handling your relationship with your parents, not be led by your emotions, and ultimately not end in discord.

Take your time with this step of thinking. The more you learn and understand about psychology, the more you will understand its mysteries.

You agree: to learn psychology, you have to find the answers yourself.

Let me be clear: you don't need to pay to learn more about psychology.

You lack financial resources, and asking your parents for money will only lead to arguments and anger.

There are plenty of excellent psychology books available for free on e-readers. WeChat Reading, Dangdang Cloud Reading, and others are great options.

Furthermore, platforms like Yi Xinli offer a wealth of free psychology knowledge and texts.

This will help you grow as a person. It will also help you improve your communication with your parents, understand them better, and understand yourself.

We hope our parents will take the initiative to learn and treat us well. When you become a parent, you'll see that adults have their own pressures and troubles. It's not easy to be the ideal parent.

So, young man, keep your sense of boundaries and spirit of rebellion. Continue to learn about and love psychology.

If you can't change your parents, then keep studying, keep your mind mature, and avoid their negative influence while strengthening your own power.

I am Bo, sir.

Dear questioner, Greetings!

I have taken the time to carefully read your question. From your description, it seems that although your parents may not fully understand, you are still able to stick to your own ideas and continue with your studies. I can see this persistence and determination in you.

I agree with you that studying psychology can help me improve. I have found this to be true in my own experience. Studying psychology not only helps you improve yourself, but it also helps you understand others better, which can lead to more harmonious relationships.

I believe that if you continue to learn, you will grow and your life will improve.

From your narrative, I can sense that you are hoping to gain your parents' understanding and respect, particularly in terms of psychological understanding and communication. It's natural for any child to want their parents to understand them.

Sometimes, there is just a lack of understanding, which can be especially prevalent when children grow up and conflicts between parents and children increase. This lack of understanding is often caused by different perspectives. Take psychology as an example. It can be seen that your parents don't know much about psychology, and equate "studying psychology" with "having a mental illness" and "mental illness," which is obviously a misunderstanding.

And you have a deeper understanding of the situation than they do, which can create an information imbalance and make communication challenging.

Given your interest in psychology, I wonder if you might agree with the saying, "He who suffers changes." I can imagine that this is not an easy situation for you.

Fortunately, you are willing to learn, which presents a great opportunity. In many families, after conflicts arise between parents and children, children often refuse to communicate and interact.

On the contrary, you have shown a willingness to learn and have even sought out resources on the Yi Xin Li platform to find support. This can all contribute to your growth and development. I can also see the love that your father has for you.

If you are determined to continue your studies, I believe your father will be willing to provide you with additional financial support. Despite his initial objections, it seems that he still supports your decision to pursue your education. I am curious to know whether this is indeed the case.

Could I ask whether this is also the case in other matters? I feel that these people are there to help you.

If I might offer you some advice, I would suggest that you continue to learn and consider applying what you learn about psychology to your life. When communicating with your parents, you might consider expressing what you would like them to do, for example, to respect you and listen to your ideas patiently.

You might find it helpful to use the Nonviolent Communication method of "expressing observations → expressing feelings → stating needs → making requests." You could also read this book again and again and use it in your life. If you keep doing this, your parents may become more aware of your changes, and perhaps more willing to listen to your opinions.

You might consider using your changes to influence your parents.

I hope you find the strength and courage to make your own way in life.

I wish you the best and hope that you find blessings in your journey.

Hello!

I also got along with my parents like this in junior high and high school. "I feel so bad, I don't want to go to school, I might be depressed, I want to go to the hospital!"

My parents said, "You don't want to go to school, do you? Just stay at home." It's hard to face disapproval and lack of understanding from your parents.

Let go of your expectations and accept that your parents might not approve of you.

You're in your teens, while your parents are in their forties. Do you think it's easier for you or them to change? I know you're having a hard time. Hugs~

(I'm not speaking for my parents.) They have lived most of their lives and have come through it all like we have, growing up with all kinds of problems. Plus, back in those days, there weren't as many ways to get information, and they didn't have as much education.

Honey, they have their limits. They can't give you what they never had.

Let them love you in a way you can't accept, but that they think is right. Relax, they're tough but kind. They may have hurt you, but they still gave you what you wanted! It's like giving a spank and then a treat. I've been there.

Learn to accept yourself.

It's hard, so cry. Hugs!

There's nothing to be ashamed of. I once cried for six hours, letting go of my expectations of my parents. We can accept and recognize ourselves even if our parents don't.

If he objects, doesn't approve, or even laughs at you, save up slowly on your own. Set aside a portion of your daily living expenses.

This can help you do what you want. When you achieve your goal, you will feel good!

It took me four years to go from needing to borrow money every month to having some money left over while still paying the same amount for living expenses. Getting to know yourself and working hard to get what you want is a long, difficult but beautiful process. You can slowly become the person you like.

You can also learn about psychology on WeChat.

You don't have to take any courses. Just observe and feel with your heart. There are many wonderful resources and wonderful people in this world.

Love and understanding are the world's most expensive things. Everyone wants them, but where do they come from?

Many people have encountered this dilemma before.

If you want to read a book, read "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist." It's a monologue about parenting. The main idea is to accept yourself and make mistakes.

The first step is to learn to take responsibility for yourself. Watch how this toad goes from being lazy to happy through chatting with a counselor!

There is also a WeChat public account called My Treasure Public Account – Xu Manman's Heartfelt Words. It is a public account where a counselor draws comics based on our daily lives and provides solutions to problems. There is also a book called "Embrace Your Awesome Self" with a Douban rating of 8.0.

You can follow it if you want to.

I hope my answer helps. I love you!

Hello, dear child. I hope my answer can help you in some way.

After reading your description, I can see how you're feeling. I hope you can find some support and warmth here. I think it's wonderful that you want to study psychology! It'll help you grow and improve, and it'll make you feel more powerful inside.

I've got some advice for you, my friend.

1. It's so important to accept that our moms and dads are just the way they are, and that we cannot change other people.

As it says in "A Change of Heart," there are only three things in this world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We can all get a little overwhelmed sometimes! It's natural to worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, but try to remember that you have the power to control your own affairs.

It's so important to remember that what other people think and do is their business. We can't control it, and that's okay! Everyone is an independent individual, and what they think and feel is influenced by their genetic makeup, upbringing, educational background, living environment, etc. So, they just are the way they are. If they don't want to change, that's okay too!

We can't change them, but we can change ourselves! We can try to accept them and express our needs and feelings to them.

When you truly accept them, you'll find you're not disgusted by many of their behaviors. You'll be calm because you'll see the real them is just like this. They're not the way you idealize them. They have their limitations, but they love you. They just love you in a way different from what you expect, and that's okay!

2. Let's express our feelings and needs through non-violent communication.

The steps of non-violent communication are: 1. State the objective facts. 2. Express your feelings. 3. Express your needs.

You can say to your parents, "Mum and Dad, when you said that I had a mental illness today (state the objective facts, being careful not to accuse or judge), I felt bad, a bit aggrieved and a bit angry (express your true feelings), and I need your support and love (express your needs). I'd really appreciate it if you could stop saying that about me and instead encourage and support me (ask the other person to take action). Thanks so much!"

It's okay if you don't get any results after expressing yourself. You might just feel more relaxed after expressing yourself.

And remember, you're not alone in this! There are plenty of people out there who can help you.

And as you get to know each other's needs and feelings in this way, you'll find that your emotional bond will become even deeper, and you'll understand and know each other better.

3. Find the right way to let go of your emotions.

It's totally okay to feel all the different emotions inside you. Don't hold them back, let them out! This will help you feel more at peace. We can release emotions in the following ways:

1. It's so important to have friends you can really open up to. People who will support you and encourage you, and who you feel comfortable with.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here for you.

2. Go for a walk, play some sports, and just relax your body and mind!

3. Writing therapy: Grab a pen and paper and let your inner feelings and thoughts flow onto the page. Don't stress about neat handwriting or perfect grammar. Just let your heart speak and express your feelings as much as you like.

4. Punching pillows and sandbags to release your anger by hitting soft objects is a great way to let it all out!

5. Try the empty chair technique to release emotions: In a room, place an empty chair, assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair. Then you can express yourself to the chair (anger, abuse are fine).

4. Learn to separate issues

To handle relationships with our loved ones, including parents and friends, it's so important to learn to separate issues. This means understanding the difference between our own issues and those of others. It's also about taking responsibility for our own life issues and not letting other people's issues affect us.

How can we tell the difference?

I'm here to help!

It's really quite simple: the direct consequence of an event is the responsibility of the person who caused it.

Let's say a mom lets her little one wear short sleeves inside in the winter. If she decides to do so, she'll have to face the music! She might get some grumpy comments from her in-law, the risk of her kid catching a chill, and the chance for her child to learn about warmth and cold on their own.

From another perspective, nothing is ever perfect, but we always have to make our own decisions, and once we have made a decision, we have to bear all the consequences.

Your mother-in-law's nagging is her own business, and you don't need to take the blame. She might be nagging about other things too, and she might nag not just you, but also other people. As daughter-in-law, we can't control any of this, so there's no need to worry about it. It's your mother-in-law's problem, and she'll work it out in her own way.

So, it's time to think about which responsibilities you should take on and which you don't need to take on in this situation you're currently facing. I think your dad has a right to demand this from you, but you can choose to listen or not. It's totally up to you! And you'll have to live with the consequences either way. If you choose not to listen, for example, you'll have to face your dad's reaction to you.

You've got this! The final decision is in your own hands. You just need to clarify what's yours and what's not. Take responsibility for your own topic, and don't worry about someone else's. It'll be easier if you just focus on you!

I just wanted to give you another big hug and wish you all the best in your journey to becoming your true self while studying psychology. I'm rooting for you and sending you all my love and best wishes!

Dear questioner, Thank you for taking the time to ask your question.

After reading your question, I can empathize with your situation. I hope you find strength in my words.

Regarding your desire to study psychology:

I wonder if I might ask your advice. My father has expressed reservations about my desire to take a psychology course. He has called me mentally ill and crazy. What would you suggest I do?

I respectfully informed my father that I wished to take a psychology course online, which would cost 130 yuan. Would you be so kind as to provide me with 130 yuan? My father expressed his displeasure by asking, "What psychological illness do you have?"

"I explained to him how studying psychology could help me improve, and so on. He told me, "All right, I'll give you 150 yuan, but you're still mentally ill and a psychopath." I then politely disagreed, "I believe that people with or without mental illness can listen to it, right?"

I would like to address this part.

After reading this part, I can empathize with the hurt the questioner must have felt after being rejected by their father.

I would like to reassure you that you are not mistaken. It is true that anyone can take psychology courses, regardless of their psychological state.

Your father's rejection of you may be due to cognitive limitations, which are not your fault. Similarly, your inability to refute him logically and convincingly may also be a result of these limitations.

Psychology is the scientific study of the human mind, or how the brain processes information and produces emotional responses.

I believe the reason you want to take this psychology course so badly is to help yourself and understand yourself better. It's a worthwhile pursuit.

Socrates once offered the following advice: "Know thyself."

Perhaps you could affirm yourself for something as important as knowing yourself and give yourself some strength, even though you are still so young?

I believe in you and in myself, which is why I think you found this support system here at Xinli.

Your interest in studying psychology is a testament to your love for life and learning.

2. Regarding your father's accusations and attacks:

Perhaps we could take some time to reflect on our feelings about your father's accusations and attacks. I'm curious to understand why you feel so strongly about this criticism.

It could be that the reason is that he is our biological father who raised us, and that the closest people can often hurt you the most.

It might be helpful to consider that the attacks and accusations made by our father are likely shaped by his own cognitive limitations and projections. It's important to remember that these views do not necessarily reflect our own. Additionally, it's possible that our father's actions and words during our childhood may have contributed to the development of depressive tendencies and obsessive thoughts during our teenage years.

It might be helpful to view this as something that has come from outside of your family. It could be beneficial to distinguish between your father's view of the outside world and your own. It may be useful to create a distinction between these two perspectives. It could be helpful to listen to your inner voice, establish a sense of reality, and see the real you, rather than the judgmental you that your father has imagined.

3. Regarding your feelings of animosity towards your parents for what you perceive to be a lack of empathy.

I would like to address the issue of parents lacking psychological knowledge and the difficulty in learning and improving in this area.

There are many misconceptions about psychology. My mother is perhaps even more affected than my father, but she is aware that she has very little psychological communication with me at the moment.

With regard to the question of how to proceed,

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider allowing yourself to feel hatred towards them. When you feel hatred, you can then allow love to follow.

It's true that parents often don't have the same understanding of psychology as we do, and it's not always easy for them to show empathy. It can sometimes feel like there's a mental disconnect between us. I'm here for you, and I want you to know that you're not alone.

It's possible that you have parents, but you may not be able to feel their love, only their hurt and rejection.

It's possible that this is a limitation of parents. It's also possible that our parents were not properly loved either, so they don't know how to love us.

Perhaps we could consider learning to love ourselves first? When we start to know how to love ourselves, it could be a sign that we have started to move away from a victim mentality, to take responsibility for ourselves, and to start living for ourselves.

Teacher Zhou Fan once suggested that when you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you.

I hope you will all encourage each other. I really do hope that you will find the above answers helpful. The world and I love you.

Hello, Chenghuan. I am Li Xia, a psychological counselor. I am saddened to read your question because your father insulted you for something ordinary, calling you a psychopath. This is considered verbal violence, and it is not your fault to be treated like this.

I don't know how you feel when you face this kind of verbal violence. Tell me, are you angry, sad? Or are you powerless and numb?

Or perhaps you're feeling surprised and uncertain? I don't know how you're handling these emotions, but I know it's not easy.

Give you a gentle hug and pat you on the back. If I were there with you, I would stay with you and wait for you to calm down.

Let's explore together what you and I need and want from each other.

I believe you had an expectation of your father's response when you told him you wanted to take psychology courses. Did you hope he would understand and care about your current situation?

You need your father's moral and financial support. You want him to know that part of the reason you are studying psychology is for his happiness.

These are my guesses, but only you know the answer. Don't let your limitations hold you back. If you have the best dad in the world, what feedback would you like him to give you? "My child, thank you for telling me your current situation. I care about you very much. My current abilities are limited, but I am willing to support you under the current conditions. If you have gained anything in your studies, I want to hear about it.

"I see your efforts, and I am proud of you."

You would be very happy if your dad said that, so try it. If your dad can't do it, we can do it ourselves. We can answer ourselves like this.

"I am willing to care for myself and understand my current situation. I have enough confidence and expectations for myself. My current abilities are limited, but I am going to support myself in achieving my goals within the existing conditions. I am going to observe, record, and affirm my own little gains. I am going to see my own efforts and be proud of myself."

Cheng Huan, I want to know how you feel when you say this to yourself. If you're willing, we can talk about your feelings.

If you feel better, we can explore your father's needs. You may think he is overbearing and abuses you and belittles you without reason, but if you are willing, let's stand in his shoes and think about what he needs.

I know this is difficult. He may need to belittle others to maintain his position in the family so that he can seem important or valuable. He might also be desperate to escape your inability to understand.

He may need to express his emotions but doesn't know how. Or perhaps he needs comfort because he's afraid his child will be unhappy and he won't be able to deal with it.

He's probably afraid of spending money and needs encouragement. Or maybe he needs someone to tell him that everything will be fine after seeing how hard he has worked.

I don't know, and neither do you. Your father probably doesn't know either.

We can learn to observe our own and each other's needs, take responsibility for our own and each other's needs, and help others observe their own needs and support their needs. This is a great way to learn psychology!

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

I wish you well, my friend.

Be confident and stay the course.

How old are you now? Are you still in school?

If you're still in school, focus on your studies for now. They're important. If you're interested in psychology, look for free online resources to learn more. After you finish your exams, you can study psychology in more depth when you have time.

If you're already working, I'd suggest leaving home and going out on your own. It's important to support yourself financially first and foremost. Once you have a little savings, you'll be in a better position to do what you want to do without worrying about what other people think.

Psychology requires long-term accumulation. Apart from professional knowledge, it's more about your life experience and experience, so there's no need to rush. Everything is best in its own way.

If you like this, you have to be determined inside. Everything you do now is for this goal. Don't let others discourage you. Even if there are thousands of people ahead of you, I'm going there.

Don't blame your parents.

There's a generation gap between parents and children, especially parents who aren't open to learning and adapting. But let's not forget that our parents are also regular folks, and their perspectives are bound to have some limitations.

They think they've done their best, so there's no point in blaming them.

You can't change them; you can only change yourself. When you don't get results, it's normal for others to say things, no matter how harsh they are. You have to stop. When you become successful in the future, everyone's attitude towards you will change, because you've changed.

Wishing you the best!