I was abandoned from a young age, and I was abandoned twice. I really hate my biological parents.

Hello, Jia Ao here. I'm not looking for anything in particular.

I'm sorry to hear about your sad experience. I can tell from your words that you're feeling pretty sad and grieved. Just from reading "abandoned" and "abandoned twice," it's not hard to imagine how sad and helpless you must feel right now. Let me give you a hug from afar.

Yes, I can really relate to you because what you've been through is what I've been through since I was a kid. You and I are in the same boat. Unlike other people, I was abandoned by my biological parents, and then I got the love and care of my biological parents back. I am also like you in that it is as if I were "abandoned twice" because after we were reunited, I didn't feel the care and love of my loved ones. What I felt more was selfish demands. So I can especially understand your current helplessness. Kids who were abandoned since they were young actually have a special sense of insecurity inside and are most likely to lack love. The love that others can easily get is really, really hard for us to get. Obviously, we are particularly easy to satisfy; we just want to truly enjoy the love of our father and mother like other kids, but there is simply no way to achieve this. So, I fully understand the sadness and grief you are experiencing. You long for them to truly love you, but they blame you for ruining their previously peaceful and happy lives and want to return your relationship to the original state. I don't know what they are thinking. What I see is their selfishness and indifference. They have just built their so-called happiness and peace on top of your pain. I really feel for you. Let's chat a little.

Let's just have a quick chat.

1. [Don't set the bar too high]

I don't know what your family's current situation is like, but now that you've been diagnosed with depression, it's really important to focus on getting yourself in a good mental state as soon as possible. The more hope you have for your biological parents, the greater the disappointment will be. Since they are taking this attitude now, complaining and being sad won't change anything. Wouldn't it make you feel better not to have expectations?

2. [Be determined to be yourself]

Your current family is where you grow up. No matter what the circumstances are, you can still be happy with them.

If your biological parents don't want to be bothered, why should you force it? Not all parents are responsible. Some give birth but don't raise their kids. They just want to keep the family of three happy. This shows they don't acknowledge you. Seeing their attitude, you should live a good life. Don't lose your mind, fight for yourself, and don't take revenge. This will only make you more lost. Hatred will distort your mind. Try to live a better life and make them regret abandoning you. I did, and I'm proof it works. You can't pretend the past didn't hurt. If you don't want to forgive easily, don't. If you don't want to reconcile casually, don't. Just be yourself.

3. Take responsibility for your own life.

What about the future? How will you live your life? How will you get married, start a family, and have children? What should you do? You'll have to work hard and learn these things as you go along. As long as you have confidence, perseverance, and are willing to work hard to achieve the life you want, this is more important than anything else. Your life is your own, and you are only responsible for your own life. Your destiny is also in your own hands. Just think about it this way.

4. [Love yourself well]

No matter what the future holds or what your biological parents' attitude towards you is, you must first learn to love yourself, take care of your emotions and feelings, be determined to be yourself, live your life, and live the life you truly want. Be kind, have faith in yourself, believe that you deserve more beautiful people and things, and believe that you deserve to be loved by more people. Come on, the bad things will eventually pass, and everything will be fine.

I hope this helps. Best regards, [Name]

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

You feel the pain of being abandoned as a child. You feel unloved and unwanted.

Dealing with depression, you need your biological parents to support you. But you were abandoned, so you feel hurt, angry, and like you don't deserve love.

We can't choose our family of origin or parents, but we can try to accept them better. Accepting ourselves means accepting our family of origin and parents, even if they don't know how to love us or cause us harm.

When we know what part of the trauma we want to get rid of and we're ready to learn and grow to do it, we can cut off the trauma in the original family.

To change, we must accept what has happened. If we don't accept it, we'll keep repeating it. We must accept that we haven't been treated kindly and that we can't expect others to treat us kindly. Then we can learn to treat ourselves kindly. We don't need to forgive or seek revenge. We just need to accept those who have hurt us. Affirming and accepting them is what has hurt us. Then we can repair the wounds through our own efforts.

Read "The Bond of Parents," "Original Family," "Overcoming the Mountain in Your Heart," and "We Have All Been Hurt, But We Have a Better Life."

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I love you, world.

Good day.

From your question, I can see that your parents may have abandoned you to some extent, which could have caused a lot of trauma and made you depressed. I can see your anger and helplessness towards your parents, and I can understand your feelings.

It is generally understood that a qualified parent must first recognize their own problems and then take steps to address them. If they are not aware of them, it may indicate a need for further development in their parenting abilities. Children may also make mistakes in raising them due to a lack of parenting.

It seems that, because they lack the ability to love their children, they are also unable to love themselves or their children.

If I might offer a suggestion,

(1) It might be helpful to recognize the limitations of parental thinking and consider that they may not be qualified parents.

Many people believe that being a good parent is simply a matter of dealing with illness. However, it's important to recognize that being a good parent also requires learning and growth. Some people may enter the role of parent before they have fully completed the role of self. This can make it challenging for them to raise their children effectively.

(2) Consider learning to take responsibility for yourself and love yourself.

Given that you are already in your 20s, you have developed the characteristics of self-reliance and can understand that we are only our parents' children. Although we may have some illnesses because of our parents, we can also take care of ourselves, learn to be independent, learn to grow up, and take responsibility for ourselves. After all, no one can be responsible for us all the time.

(3) It may be helpful to seek professional assistance.

If you feel you are unable to adjust yourself, you may wish to consider seeking help from a professional, such as a counselor or psychologist. Through psychological adjustment and medication, you may find you can gradually improve your situation.

(4) Consider adjusting your mentality. We all live our own lives.

While parents bear some responsibility for our upbringing, and we may not always understand their actions, we ultimately decide how to live our lives. Each of us is responsible for our own destiny. Once they have raised us, parents may no longer be able to influence our decisions, so it is up to us to take control of our lives.

I hope you can find it within yourself to adjust your mentality, actively cooperate with treatment, learn to take care of yourself, love yourself well, learn to grow up and become independent, believe that you can slowly come out of it, and believe that you can slowly get better.

I wish you the best.