Hello, questioner. I want to reassure you that you are not alone in this. Many people experience similar emotional fluctuations and internal struggles when facing the death of a loved one, especially when the relationship was complicated or challenging during their lifetime.
This emotional complexity is actually a profound exploration of love and loss, understanding and forgiveness, deep within human nature. Perhaps we could consider facing these emotions step by step, with courage, in order to find inner peace and reconciliation.
I can sense the weight and intricacy of your portrayal of your relationship with your parents and the strife and solitude you felt in the aftermath of their passing. While your parents were still alive, you may have encountered a considerable amount of pressure and unhappiness, to the extent that at that moment, you had the thought of "escaping" in your heart.
It would be unfair to say that people are made of stone, so it's perhaps more accurate to say that they are not emotionless. When they really leave, those memories, both good and bad, turn into deep thoughts and feelings of unwillingness to let go.
It might be said that this emotional transformation is common to all people, and that it is also an expression of your deep desire for love.
It might be helpful to imagine your experiences as a book, with each page documenting a moment with your parents. Some chapters may be full of conflict and misunderstanding, but it is these chapters that make up your unique life story.
It might be helpful to try to look at these experiences from a broader perspective. They may not only have shaped your current personality and emotions, but could also have been indispensable nutrients along the way.
I'd like to share a story with you. It's about an artist who had a strained relationship with his father when he was young and often felt depressed. After his father died, he used his creativity to remember his father and eventually discovered that those seemingly painful memories were actually a source of artistic inspiration.
He came to understand his father in a different way and was able to reconcile with himself.
In psychology, this complex emotional response is known as the "grief process." It encompasses more than just remembering the deceased; it also involves re-examining past relationships, reassessing one's self-worth, and making emotional adjustments.
The "five stages of grief" theory of American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross suggests that people typically progress through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It's possible that you may currently be in a stage where anger and nostalgia are intertwined, which is a normal psychological reaction.
Your main challenge seems to be finding a way to balance your conflicting emotions and reconcile with the past, while also being able to live in the present and future. You seem to want to move on from the past, but you also have strong feelings about your parents. You want to be independent and autonomous, but you are also afraid of being lonely and helpless.
I believe that this conflict is actually a deep desire in your heart for love and to be loved, for freedom and a sense of belonging.
I hope you will find these suggestions helpful as you navigate your current situation. I encourage you to explore the methods that resonate with you.
1. Remembering and Reliving: Consider honoring your parents in the way that feels most meaningful to you, whether through photos, letters, or special events. This can help you stay connected to them and find inner peace.
2. Gratitude and forgiveness: It might be helpful to try to look at the past with a more forgiving and grateful attitude. Even though your parents have passed away, the life, love, and teachings they gave you are invaluable treasures that can never be erased.
It may be helpful to learn to let go of things you cannot change, to cherish the present, and to embrace the future.
3. Mood Diary: Consider keeping a journal of your feelings and thoughts for a few minutes each day. You may find it helpful to express your emotions in words, whether happy or sad.
This can help you gain a deeper understanding of and acceptance for your emotions.
4. Self-care: You may wish to consider developing hobbies that make you feel relaxed and happy, such as reading, exercising, and meditation. These activities could potentially enhance your sense of self-worth and reduce feelings of loneliness.
5. Consider seeking support. You are not alone in this. Friends, family members, or professional counselors can provide emotional support and advice.
Please remember that you are not alone.
6. Consider participating in social activities: Even if you don't feel a sense of belonging with your acquaintances, you might find it helpful to try joining social activities or interest groups. These occasions can provide a chance to meet new people and gradually build a new social circle.
It is worth remembering that true friends and a sense of belonging take time and effort to cultivate.
7. Self-affirmation: Consider speaking positively to yourself each day to affirm your own value and abilities. This may help to boost your self-confidence and sense of well-being.
Dear friend,
Everyone will experience pain and struggle in their lives, and it is these experiences that can help us grow stronger and more mature. What you are going through is a complex and profound psychological process that requires patience, courage, and wisdom to face.
Please be reassured that with time and your own efforts, you will gradually find inner peace and harmony. You are not alone, and there are many people who are willing to accompany you on this journey.
May you find the courage to face your emotions and discover your own path to happiness and peace. Go for it!
Comments
I can relate to feeling drained from interactions that were negative. It's hard when you feel better off without someone, yet still miss them in your life. The complexity of these emotions is overwhelming and shows the depth of our relationships, even the tough ones.
It's understandable to feel lonely and out of place sometimes. Maybe finding a small group or community that shares your interests could help ease those feelings. Sometimes it's about quality over quantity in friendships.
The mix of relief and longing after losing someone close is such a tangled emotion. I've found talking to a therapist can untangle some of those feelings and make sense of the paradox within us.
Thinking of my own lost loved ones, I realize how much they shaped me, even through the hard times. It's comforting to focus on the positive memories and what they taught me, rather than the negatives.
Missing parents is a deep ache. It's okay to honor their memory by living your best life and doing things that would make them proud. This way, you carry a piece of them with you always.