A 22-year-old female student encountered her psychology instructor by chance this afternoon. The instructor was engaged in conversation with other teachers, and it is unclear whether the student was observed. The student is concerned that the instructor may not hold a positive view of her. She reports low self-confidence and believes that her introverted personality is not well-received in her family home. She also feels that her uncle, father, and aunt and uncle do not accept her.
At times, their demeanor suggests a lack of affinity for me. They frequently assert that I am an honest child, and I perceive a discernible displeasure in their expressions. They appear to favor children who are generous, confident, cheerful, and noble.
The question then becomes whether one can be considered beautiful regardless of external factors.
The question then becomes whether the perception of beauty is contingent on external factors such as clothing, physical appearance, socioeconomic status, or even personal attributes like intelligence or social skills. The answer, it seems, is that beauty is not solely determined by these factors. Even if one is poor, born in a rural area, or wears inexpensive clothes that are not considered aesthetically pleasing, or if one is introverted and not particularly adept at socializing, one can still be considered beautiful. This leads to the question of whether one's existence alone is sufficient grounds for being worthy of love.
The session is now concluding.
I must express my profound disquiet at reading your series of questions.
It can be stated with certainty that, regardless of circumstances, you are beautiful. It is therefore evident that you must be beautiful.
The question of one's physical appearance is irrelevant when determining one's intrinsic value. Regardless of one's place of birth, level of accomplishment, attire, financial status, or any other superficial characteristic, an individual's intrinsic worth is unassailable.
First and foremost, you were born into this world as a unique individual, and you have experienced your own life thus far. You are a courageous young woman, and the challenges and obstacles you have faced are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. They have made your life more profound and meaningful, and for that, you are beautiful.
Moreover, at the age of 22, you appear to be engaged in academic pursuits. At this stage of life, you are either a college or graduate student. In either case, you are an exceptional young woman. In China, less than 30% of students in your age group are able to attend college, with the percentage of female students being even smaller. You have the capacity to recognize your own beauty, yet you are uncertain, and you require the assurance of another individual.
I can now confirm that you are indeed excellent and wonderful.
Thirdly, when confronted with a challenge, you demonstrate the fortitude to seek assistance, which evinces your capacity to identify resources and the resolve and determination to overcome obstacles. This stems from your intrinsic vigor, which is a testament to your admirable qualities.
The question then becomes: What are the potential causes of this doubt in one's own goodness?
1. The family environment has provided inadequate positive reinforcement, and the child's positive attributes have been infrequently acknowledged. During the developmental period, children require reflection in the mirror as a means of self-perception. They must also observe themselves in the eyes of others to gain self-affirmation.
You perceive a lack of acceptance from your extended family, including uncles, fathers, aunts, and grandparents. This may be attributed to a lack of emotional expression or a lack of mental space to reflect on your needs. Alternatively, it could be a result of a lack of understanding, leading to the assumption that your basic needs are being met.
2. It is notable that you did not mention your mother. I hope that mentioning the word "mother" does not cause you any distress. It is possible that your mother's neglect or absence has left you with profound sadness.
Children may attribute deficiencies or changes within the family to themselves. For example, a child may question whether their mother's disregard or absence is a result of their own perceived inadequacies. This kind of doubt can become a dominant theme in an individual's life, leading to persistent self-questioning and significant distress.
3. It is also possible that you have a sensitive temperament and are adept at discerning alterations in the verbal and nonverbal cues of others and ascribing them to yourself. It appears that you are the catalyst for every change in others, which is a common phenomenon among adolescents. It seems as though you are situated under a microscope, and your words and actions have a profound impact on those around you.
"They occasionally exhibit a solemn demeanor, which engenders a sense of unpopularity. They consistently affirm that I am an honest child, yet their gazes betray a hint of disapproval. They favor children who are generous, confident, cheerful, and noble."
In this passage, it appears that the family's expressions, feelings, gazes, and preferences are largely speculative. It is likely that they have their own responsibilities and limited capacity to focus on you.
From a psychological perspective, these emotions may be a manifestation of one's own projections. There is a popular saying, "There is no one else in the outside world but yourself," and another saying, "What you see is what you want to see."
...
It is possible that there are other reasons. How, then, might this issue be resolved?
1. In the event of renewed doubt regarding one's own beauty, it is possible to confirm one's own view. For example, one might inquire of one's aunt, "You previously described me as an honest child. Is that because you do not like me?"
It is possible that your aunt will assert that she believes "honesty" to be a virtue and that she is commending you for this quality. Alternatively, if your aunt deems "honesty" to be a disadvantage, you may engage in a discussion with her to express your feelings and opinions. This may result in your aunt modifying her opinion and perceiving you as a courageous child who is capable of advocating for oneself.
2. Self-growth and self-confidence. It is recommended that individuals seeking assistance with these issues consult with a qualified psychological counselor or establish a long-term, stable relationship with a regular counselor or confidant. This individual should be capable of providing a safe, nurturing environment where the client can receive support and guidance.
3. It is important to gain an understanding of one's family history, including the experiences and challenges faced by one's parents during their upbringing. This can facilitate the process of reconciliation with one's parents and potentially lead to the realization that their inability to provide the same level of love and support may have been due to their own limitations in exhibiting tolerance and understanding. Once this understanding is achieved, it may pave the way for a renewed sense of self-growth and the embarkation on a new path.
Additionally, one may cultivate friendships, engage in athletic activities, and pursue individual pastimes.
5. Prioritize self-care and cultivate self-acceptance. Each morning, identify 20 positive attributes about yourself, engage in a reflective practice, and verbalize affirmations in a confident and assertive manner.
One might also consider the possibility that the subject in question is in need of a more positive self-image.
How wonderful I am!
Comments
I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes we doubt ourselves because of others' reactions, but remember that your worth isn't determined by anyone else's opinion. You are beautiful in your unique way, and it's okay to be introverted.
It's heartbreaking when family makes you feel unseen or not accepted. But know this: your value doesn't depend on being outgoing or meeting their expectations. You have a beauty that comes from within, and that's something no one can take away from you.
Feeling invisible or disliked is tough, especially when it's the people close to you. But you should know that who you are is enough. Your quiet strength and authenticity are what make you special. You deserve love and respect just as you are.
It's so easy to question our selfworth when faced with disapproving looks or comments. But remember, your essence, your true self, is what matters most. Embrace all parts of yourself, even the ones you think aren't perfect. That's where real beauty lies.
It's important to believe that you're valuable simply for existing. You don't need to change to gain acceptance. Your presence alone is enough to add value to the world. Keep being you; the world needs more people like you.