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I'm beautiful and worthy of love no matter what, right?

teenage girl psychology teacher confidence issues family relationships beauty standards
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I'm beautiful and worthy of love no matter what, right? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

22-year-old girl: This afternoon I ran into my psychology teacher. He was chatting with other teachers. I don't know if he saw me. I'm worried that he dislikes me. I have no confidence at all. At home, they don't like the introverted me. My uncle, father, aunt and uncles, they don't give me a feeling of being accepted.

Sometimes they have a serious expression, which makes me feel like I'm not liked. They always say I'm an honest child, and they look at me with disapproval in their eyes. They like generous, confident, and elegant children.

And I'm not. Am I beautiful no matter what?

Whether I wear nice and gorgeous clothes or not, whether I am good-looking or not, even if I am poor and born in the countryside, even if I wear cheap clothes and not nice clothes, whether I am good or not, whether I take care of myself or not, whether I protect myself or not, even if I am introverted and not good at socializing, I am still beautiful, right? I am worth being loved whether I exist or not, right?

Hazel Hazel A total of 1402 people have been helped

Your brief paragraph demonstrates a familiarity with psychological terminology and concepts. It appears that you have either been exposed to or are studying psychology.

Even if I am introverted and not particularly adept at socializing, I am still a valuable asset, am I not? I am worthy of love regardless of whether I am present or not, am I not?

It is important to note that regardless of physical appearance, self-acceptance and self-love are fundamental aspects of personal development.

From your description, I understand that you are a person who desires recognition and affection from others. This is a common human desire.

It is preferable to take an active role in fostering self-love and positive relationships with others, rather than passively awaiting external validation.

In the vast universe, among the countless stars, you are the only one, so unique that you certainly deserve to be loved. The fact that you deserve to be loved has nothing to do with where you were born, what you wear, or how you look. The only reason is that you are you.

If you lack self-love, no amount of external validation will suffice. Conversely, an excess of external love can lead to self-doubt.

I hope you will consider learning to love yourself. One possible method is to identify one positive quality in yourself each day, record it, and give yourself positive feedback.

It is recommended that you monitor your progress on a daily basis, even if it is a small improvement, such as smiling more.

Please be aware that there is still a considerable amount of time remaining in your life, and you have the option to develop at your own pace.

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Delilah Grace Singleton Delilah Grace Singleton A total of 5603 people have been helped

A 22-year-old female student encountered her psychology instructor by chance this afternoon. The instructor was engaged in conversation with other teachers, and it is unclear whether the student was observed. The student is concerned that the instructor may not hold a positive view of her. She reports low self-confidence and believes that her introverted personality is not well-received in her family home. She also feels that her uncle, father, and aunt and uncle do not accept her.

At times, their demeanor suggests a lack of affinity for me. They frequently assert that I am an honest child, and I perceive a discernible displeasure in their expressions. They appear to favor children who are generous, confident, cheerful, and noble.

The question then becomes whether one can be considered beautiful regardless of external factors.

The question then becomes whether the perception of beauty is contingent on external factors such as clothing, physical appearance, socioeconomic status, or even personal attributes like intelligence or social skills. The answer, it seems, is that beauty is not solely determined by these factors. Even if one is poor, born in a rural area, or wears inexpensive clothes that are not considered aesthetically pleasing, or if one is introverted and not particularly adept at socializing, one can still be considered beautiful. This leads to the question of whether one's existence alone is sufficient grounds for being worthy of love.

The session is now concluding.

I must express my profound disquiet at reading your series of questions.

It can be stated with certainty that, regardless of circumstances, you are beautiful. It is therefore evident that you must be beautiful.

The question of one's physical appearance is irrelevant when determining one's intrinsic value. Regardless of one's place of birth, level of accomplishment, attire, financial status, or any other superficial characteristic, an individual's intrinsic worth is unassailable.

First and foremost, you were born into this world as a unique individual, and you have experienced your own life thus far. You are a courageous young woman, and the challenges and obstacles you have faced are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. They have made your life more profound and meaningful, and for that, you are beautiful.

Moreover, at the age of 22, you appear to be engaged in academic pursuits. At this stage of life, you are either a college or graduate student. In either case, you are an exceptional young woman. In China, less than 30% of students in your age group are able to attend college, with the percentage of female students being even smaller. You have the capacity to recognize your own beauty, yet you are uncertain, and you require the assurance of another individual.

I can now confirm that you are indeed excellent and wonderful.

Thirdly, when confronted with a challenge, you demonstrate the fortitude to seek assistance, which evinces your capacity to identify resources and the resolve and determination to overcome obstacles. This stems from your intrinsic vigor, which is a testament to your admirable qualities.

The question then becomes: What are the potential causes of this doubt in one's own goodness?

1. The family environment has provided inadequate positive reinforcement, and the child's positive attributes have been infrequently acknowledged. During the developmental period, children require reflection in the mirror as a means of self-perception. They must also observe themselves in the eyes of others to gain self-affirmation.

You perceive a lack of acceptance from your extended family, including uncles, fathers, aunts, and grandparents. This may be attributed to a lack of emotional expression or a lack of mental space to reflect on your needs. Alternatively, it could be a result of a lack of understanding, leading to the assumption that your basic needs are being met.

2. It is notable that you did not mention your mother. I hope that mentioning the word "mother" does not cause you any distress. It is possible that your mother's neglect or absence has left you with profound sadness.

Children may attribute deficiencies or changes within the family to themselves. For example, a child may question whether their mother's disregard or absence is a result of their own perceived inadequacies. This kind of doubt can become a dominant theme in an individual's life, leading to persistent self-questioning and significant distress.

3. It is also possible that you have a sensitive temperament and are adept at discerning alterations in the verbal and nonverbal cues of others and ascribing them to yourself. It appears that you are the catalyst for every change in others, which is a common phenomenon among adolescents. It seems as though you are situated under a microscope, and your words and actions have a profound impact on those around you.

"They occasionally exhibit a solemn demeanor, which engenders a sense of unpopularity. They consistently affirm that I am an honest child, yet their gazes betray a hint of disapproval. They favor children who are generous, confident, cheerful, and noble."

In this passage, it appears that the family's expressions, feelings, gazes, and preferences are largely speculative. It is likely that they have their own responsibilities and limited capacity to focus on you.

From a psychological perspective, these emotions may be a manifestation of one's own projections. There is a popular saying, "There is no one else in the outside world but yourself," and another saying, "What you see is what you want to see."

...

It is possible that there are other reasons. How, then, might this issue be resolved?

1. In the event of renewed doubt regarding one's own beauty, it is possible to confirm one's own view. For example, one might inquire of one's aunt, "You previously described me as an honest child. Is that because you do not like me?"

It is possible that your aunt will assert that she believes "honesty" to be a virtue and that she is commending you for this quality. Alternatively, if your aunt deems "honesty" to be a disadvantage, you may engage in a discussion with her to express your feelings and opinions. This may result in your aunt modifying her opinion and perceiving you as a courageous child who is capable of advocating for oneself.

2. Self-growth and self-confidence. It is recommended that individuals seeking assistance with these issues consult with a qualified psychological counselor or establish a long-term, stable relationship with a regular counselor or confidant. This individual should be capable of providing a safe, nurturing environment where the client can receive support and guidance.

3. It is important to gain an understanding of one's family history, including the experiences and challenges faced by one's parents during their upbringing. This can facilitate the process of reconciliation with one's parents and potentially lead to the realization that their inability to provide the same level of love and support may have been due to their own limitations in exhibiting tolerance and understanding. Once this understanding is achieved, it may pave the way for a renewed sense of self-growth and the embarkation on a new path.

Additionally, one may cultivate friendships, engage in athletic activities, and pursue individual pastimes.

5. Prioritize self-care and cultivate self-acceptance. Each morning, identify 20 positive attributes about yourself, engage in a reflective practice, and verbalize affirmations in a confident and assertive manner.

One might also consider the possibility that the subject in question is in need of a more positive self-image. How wonderful I am!

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Leonardo Leonardo A total of 7894 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Xin Tan Coach Fei Yun, and I'm so excited to work with you!

I hug you tenderly, feeling your sensitivity and vulnerability. The slightest glance or expression from others can disturb your mood. This is a child who needs love and acceptance so much, and I'm here to give it to you!

It's so inspiring to see how many of us spend our whole lives striving for a simple word of affirmation from our parents. Even renowned directors like Jiang Wen and celebrated writers and psychology teachers like Hu Shenzhi have found that their relationships with their fathers have shaped their lives in incredible ways.

In "Newly Written Old Songs," Jonathan Lee achieved reconciliation with his late father. And you, my dear, are also looking forward to receiving the affirmation of your parents! You deserve all the good things in life, and you will get them.

Your very existence is the most precious thing! We came into this world crying, but the people around us laughed because our birth represented new hope for a family.

It is precisely because each of us uses our unique existence to adorn ourselves that the whole world becomes colorful and splendid! The world needs extroverts and introverts. We need confidence, but also inferiority complexes (the courage to be hated by others).

There is no such thing as absolute good or absolute evil. Just as you are sensitive, you have the amazing ability to keenly sense other people's feelings and "judge" their feelings towards you from their eyes and tone of voice.

My dear, this is precisely your strength and resource! Just like a fruit knife, if you use it well, it is a tool. But if you don't use it well, it becomes a weapon. So use it well!

Your current interpretation of your high sensitivity is "I'm not worthy," "I'm not affirmed," and "others don't like me." This is like holding a fruit knife and constantly hurting yourself. But guess what? You can change that!

You are your own person! Your value is not determined by others. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Maybe they have a habit of looking serious, labeling things, and judging, but that has nothing to do with you. They do the same thing to other people.

"High sensitivity is a gift." Use it as a tool, for example in your creative work or writing, and you will be able to make the most of your strengths and talents!

I'll leave you with a few words that you can practice every day: I am a life. I need love. I deserve love. Face the sunshine. Be confident and happy. I want to live my own life. Have firm beliefs. Meet challenges. Believe in yourself.

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and I love you so much, and I hope the world loves you too! ?

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the lower right corner to chat!

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Comments

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Serena Anderson Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes we doubt ourselves because of others' reactions, but remember that your worth isn't determined by anyone else's opinion. You are beautiful in your unique way, and it's okay to be introverted.

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Madeline Poppy A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.

It's heartbreaking when family makes you feel unseen or not accepted. But know this: your value doesn't depend on being outgoing or meeting their expectations. You have a beauty that comes from within, and that's something no one can take away from you.

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Whitney Anderson The truth is always the strongest argument.

Feeling invisible or disliked is tough, especially when it's the people close to you. But you should know that who you are is enough. Your quiet strength and authenticity are what make you special. You deserve love and respect just as you are.

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Tara Hunter A teacher's wisdom is a lighthouse that guides students through the fog of ignorance.

It's so easy to question our selfworth when faced with disapproving looks or comments. But remember, your essence, your true self, is what matters most. Embrace all parts of yourself, even the ones you think aren't perfect. That's where real beauty lies.

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King Miller Teachers are the motivators who push students to reach for the stars.

It's important to believe that you're valuable simply for existing. You don't need to change to gain acceptance. Your presence alone is enough to add value to the world. Keep being you; the world needs more people like you.

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