I'm getting old and losing my looks, I can't find a sense of value, I really want to cry...

Hello, friend! I totally get it. When you haven't been sleeping well for the past two days, it's easy to get caught up in a negative spiral. Most people feel restless or experience physical and mental discomfort when they haven't slept well.

I'd love to know what's going on in your life right now! Sometimes when people feel a bit out of control, they may also have trouble sleeping.

I don't know which situation you're in, but I know you can get through it! Take a deep breath and think about what's making you toss and turn and unable to sleep.

Your existence is your value, and you have given the right to judge that value to others. From your description of yourself, it seems that I feel you are controlled by a strong negative emotion of self-negation, unable to see your own value and sense of existence. But through your few words, I also seem to feel the cry of a soul that longs to be loved and seen. You are a valuable person, and you hope that your love can also be seen and cherished. I don't know if you have been hurt by love or tired of being loved, but I know that all love begins with self-love. Even if the whole world ignores you, you still have the choice of how to live and how to live your life well, right?

People can grow old and lose their beauty, but they can also remain charming. They can be lonely and single, but they can also be single aristocrats. They can be peerless and extraordinary, but they can also be submissive and self-pitying. They can be self-deprecating and proud, but they can also be independent. Everyone is a unique limited edition. No one needs someone else to label them; they name themselves. If you say you have no value, others will think you have no value. No one who is not related to you has the time and energy to pay attention to you. You are your own spokesperson—and a great one at that!

A person's self-worth is something that is earned through hard work. It is not something that is created out of thin air! Middle-aged women are at the stage of mature charm. Sometimes fate will put up a few roadblocks for us to overcome. But if we overcome them, we will see a bright future! If we can't, we will be stuck in a shallow place with hidden rocks. But the road must go forward!

Absolutely! You have been tested by some responsibility or a difficult fate, and your existence and value will be revealed in shouldering responsibilities and solving problems.

If you choose to withdraw on the grounds that you are old and unsociable, and do not face the trials of life because you are lonely and helpless, then your value will truly not be recognized, because you have chosen not to manifest your value and given up your right to be valued. But there is another way! You can choose to embrace your value and reclaim your right to be valued.

Life is full of disappointments, but I can choose just one or two! You mentioned "sad" twice in just a few words, and I know you must have encountered life's difficult problems that you can't face.

You must have a reason to be sad, but I just don't know what kind of sadness it is. But life is not full of romance; it is mostly rain, snow, and wind. If you choose to retreat when you encounter difficulties and don't want to move on, no one can help you. You are the master of your own destiny and the expert on your own problems. You have to live through sadness and hardship. This is life. Life is full of disappointments, and we only choose the best of the rest. Why not? Because you can do it!

That's enough! I know you still have that, right?

I believe that is your value, that is your hope. You've got this! Take care, dear, and hang in there!

Hug the host! I really hope you can feel some warmth and support, and I really hope my answer can bring you some help.

If you don't find a sense of value after two days of poor sleep, of course you will feel sad. But there's no need to let that get you down! When we are in a state of depression and anxiety, always thinking about the negative aspects of ourselves, we will become more and more anxious and depressed. But there's a way out of this vicious cycle! All you need to do is accept and understand yourself, and then encourage and support yourself to do something to change what you can change, and constantly enhance your inner strength. This way, you can bring more color to life and live your own wonderful life!

If you feel like crying, just let it out! Don't repress your sadness. When we feel sad inside, if we deliberately repress it, these emotions will not disappear, but will find the right opportunity to erupt. Accept your sadness and allow yourself to be sad. Only when your emotions flow will your strength return! Otherwise, you will always be stuck in our place of entanglement, constantly depleting your energy.

I've got some great advice for you!

Embrace yourself! Self-pity and self-hatred will not solve problems, but only make us more anxious and depressed. What we need to do is understand and accept ourselves.

Perhaps when we encounter some difficulties, we are used to blaming and pitying ourselves. But you will also find that this will not only fail to solve the problem, but will also make you continue to repeat negative emotions, fall into an emotional whirlpool, and stagnate. Fortunately, there is a better way! We can change our mindset to help ourselves out of psychological difficulties. That is, we can understand and accept ourselves.

But understanding and accepting oneself is never easy. It requires practice, and it's worth it! If we persist in practicing, we will gain strength in the process of understanding and accepting ourselves. For example, if we resist the fact that we are aging, we will dislike ourselves very much. But if we understand and accept ourselves, we can tell ourselves that at this age, everyone will age, and that we are already very good at being in this state. We can also remind ourselves that we cannot change the natural law of the human body. Everyone is the same! If you can really achieve total acceptance, you will find that you will no longer be so obsessed with your own aging. Instead, you will follow the natural law, and your heart will become more relaxed and comfortable.

The good news is that you can change your mindset to feel better. Many people get upset because they attach too much importance to a particular matter. So, you can also try to become aware of why you care so much about "losing your charm with age." What does it mean to you? Then, ask yourself: if you really lose your charm with age, is that result inevitable? Is there an inevitable connection between them?

You'll be amazed at how things really are! Some people think that as they age, they'll no longer be attractive or liked. But you'll find that many women, even when they're older, are still very attractive and popular. They can still realize their own value! Take Ms. Bi Shumin and Ms. Zhang Lan, for example...

So, start practicing understanding and accepting yourself more! This is the beginning of a whole new you. When you feel uncomfortable and start blaming yourself, read or listen to a book. I highly recommend "Rebuilding Your Life" and "Accepting an Imperfect Self." Both authors are women who have experienced the same anxieties we have. They have helped themselves out of difficult situations time and time again by accepting and approving of themselves. They have been able to shine, and you can too!

2. You can find your sense of worth by encouraging and supporting yourself! See your strengths and areas of expertise, and focus less on your weaknesses and things you cannot change.

I also felt a lack of self-worth for a while, and I felt very lonely. I am an introvert and not good at socializing, so I have a very low self-esteem. But I got through it! I can understand how you feel right now, and I know you can get through it too. What helped me to get over my low self-esteem was not pitying myself or hating myself, but encouragement and support for myself based on acceptance and understanding of myself.

I discovered that at that time, I was always focusing on my shortcomings, such as not being able to do housework, being introverted and not being good at socializing, not knowing how to take care of children, not having a job and not earning any money... When we use these parts that we are not good at or even cannot do to measure and evaluate ourselves, we become more and more inferior and dislike ourselves more and more. But it wasn't until later, when I studied psychology, that I had the incredible realization that I needed to see my own strengths and value, and I needed to recognize and support myself, so that I could give full play to my strengths and realize my value.

So, when I shifted my attention to the things I was good at, for example, I was good at studying and exams, so I got a lot of certificates! I was good at writing, so I wrote a lot of articles. And I was passionate about learning psychology, so I embarked on the path of psychological counseling. I found that when I stopped focusing on the parts I didn't do well and instead did the things I was good at and liked, I became more and more confident, my state of mind improved, and I finally found my own direction and fulfilled my own value!

From now on, let's stop focusing on the bad parts of ourselves and the parts that we cannot change. Instead, let's focus our attention on the things we can do and do well! As we slowly do these things, we will eventually be able to find our future direction and realize our value.

3. Dealing with emotions is easy! All you have to do is channel and release them. And don't forget to take care of your sleep. Getting enough sleep will make you feel younger!

Guess what! Emotions are not suppressed, nor do they erupt. They need to be channeled and released!

It's true! Just as we need to eat every day to replenish the nutrients in our bodies, we also need to replenish our mental nutrients by releasing our emotions, or by using methods that suit us and help us to become more harmonious and stable inside. These methods are an essential part of our lifestyle, and they're the key to keeping our emotions flowing freely and preventing them from becoming blocked. The Chinese medicine saying that "pain means blockage" also applies to emotions. When we release our emotions and allow them to flow, they will naturally not be so "painful." It's a simple yet powerful concept!

We can release our emotions in these ways: socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusion. And when I say "right," I really mean it! Those who can give you support and encouragement, and those with whom you feel comfortable, are the right friends. Go exercise!

We can release our emotions in so many fun ways! Socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusion in social settings. Here, it is important to emphasize the word "right." Those who can give you support and encouragement, and those with whom you feel comfortable, are the right friends. Go exercise, do those sports you like, and relax your body and mind during exercise. Writing therapy is a great way to express yourself! Write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper, without worrying about whether the handwriting is clear and neat, or about the logic of the content. Just express your feelings as much as you like! Punch a pillow or a sandbag to release your anger by hitting a soft object. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions: in a room, place an empty chair, assuming that the person you want to talk to is sitting in the chair, and then you can express yourself (anger, abuse are fine) to the chair as much as you like.

The great news is that you can easily improve your sleep! Most of the reasons for poor sleep are psychological factors. This simply means that you can find the reasons that cause you to have poor sleep and then make targeted adjustments. Once you do this, you will naturally be able to sleep more soundly and steadily. I have written two articles on sleep: "Sleep, a very important little thing" and "Sleep Deprivation Experiment: How important is sleep?"

For more information on how to get a great night's sleep, check out the Psychological Dictionary. It's got some great tips on how to promote sleep!

And there's more! The better your sleep, the more emotional clarity you'll have, and the younger and more energetic you'll look and feel!

I hope this is helpful! Wishing you all the best!

Good day. I extend my support and encouragement in the form of a 360-degree hug.

I must admit that I am somewhat disheartened by your question. As a middle-aged woman approaching the later stages of her life, I empathise with the plight of the rabbit when the fox is dead.

In fact, when you reach middle age, you may feel isolated and alone. You may be responsible for caring for your parents, dealing with rebellious children, and supporting a husband who is more like a teammate than a source of emotional or financial support. Additionally, friends and romantic partners may be facing similar challenges and unable to provide much assistance.

However, I must respectfully disagree with the notion that we are worthless.

Values are hierarchical. The first value is the value of being a human being.

In other words, our existence has intrinsic value. This value is derived from our role as consumers.

As consumers, we play an integral role in the broader economic cycle, contributing to the vitality of society.

The fundamental reason why many places in the central and western regions of China cannot develop is that there is a lack of population. Without people, there is no consumer base, and businesses will not thrive.

The lack of market circulation ultimately results in a decline in population.

You may believe this has no bearing on your personal situation. At the individual level, it may appear to be a relatively minor issue. However, when viewed from a different angle, as a consumer, I inherently contribute value to society.

Once you have established that you are valuable to society, you will feel more at ease. Even if you do not contribute directly to society, your mere presence and consumption of resources still benefits society.

It is important to note that the majority of individuals are not solely consumers. With the exception of minors and the elderly who are unable to work, nearly everyone is involved in the production of society to some extent. Even minors, often referred to as "divine beasts," contribute to social stability and family harmony through their emotional value.

It is important to note that these abstract values may not fully align with your perceived value in the business context. From a business perspective, you are simply a customer, a source of revenue and an individual who receives goods or services.

How might you ascertain your own value? As I am unaware of your particular circumstances, I can only offer general guidance.

First and foremost, you must believe in your own value.

As previously stated, regardless of one's role, each individual possesses intrinsic value.

Regarding other values, it may be the case that you have not yet identified them.

However, it is essential to maintain this belief and to reinforce it regularly.

Secondly, consider becoming a volunteer.

Volunteers contribute their time and expertise without seeking compensation. The most common form of recognition is a simple thank you.

This kind of interpersonal relationship is more authentic. When there is no desire to gain or lose, the pure kindness can be more readily perceived.

Thirdly, it is recommended that you engage in some form of exercise.

You may wish to consider trying some relaxing exercises, such as yoga. In my view, yoga is an excellent form of exercise which provides an effective way of connecting with oneself. It is often the case that we are inclined to focus on external matters, with little opportunity to engage with our inner selves.

Therefore, you tend to thrive in dynamic environments and find it challenging to remain still in quiet settings.

Participating in sports can facilitate a deeper understanding of one's physical self.

Fourth, engage in reading and reflection to foster self-connection.

When reading, individuals may temporarily disconnect from the outside world, immersing themselves in their own thoughts and engaging in dialogue with characters in the book or even with themselves.

In conclusion, I recommend consulting with a counselor. Your issue is straightforward, and providing further advice here would be impractical. I advise scheduling an appointment with a counselor for a comprehensive discussion.

I am a counselor who experiences periods of depression and occasional periods of motivation.

Hello! You said, "I'm losing my looks and don't know who I am."

I appreciate you thinking about your self-worth. It's important for growth. It's good you realize that. Let's look at your question.

You haven't slept well for two days. You're self-pitying and hateful. You can't find a sense of worth. You're depressed and anxious. You're aging and losing your beauty. You're so sad.

You are a lonely middle-aged woman with poor social skills. You feel rejected by yourself, which has affected your health and caused you to have trouble sleeping.

Dear, stop criticizing and blaming yourself. You're not as bad as you say you are. Take care of yourself and love yourself.

What is self-worth?

Self-worth is the positive emotional experience of feeling valued by society. People who have this emotional experience usually show confidence and self-esteem. Those who lack self-worth feel inferior and give up on themselves.

People with an inferiority complex belittle themselves and believe they cannot catch up with others.

Adler had a special explanation for the inferiority complex. He had two main uses for the term. First, the inferiority complex refers to a complex of subconscious desires and emotions centered on a person's perception of their abilities being inferior to others.

It makes a person try to become superior, but also makes them give up after repeated failure.

If you feel worthless, look at it another way. You may be a good person, but you may not be your best self. Your low self-worth will drive you to be the best you can be.

You may be good to others, but you don't feel good enough to yourself. This makes you look down on yourself.

Existence is reasonable.

Your value is not based on your appearance, age, or relationships. You are valuable just for being you.

Do you feel anxious about your age, appearance, or social interactions? Your anxiety is serious and needs attention. Emotions greatly impact a person's perception of events, themselves, others, and the world. Negative emotions can affect a person's physical and mental health.

Negative emotions are just a signal that it's time to pay attention to ourselves and learn to love ourselves.

Ways to deal with emotions: talk or write about them.

We can deal with our emotions by talking to a psychologist. They can accept and understand our negative emotions, which helps us understand ourselves.

Every emotion has a need behind it. What's yours?

If you don't want to talk about it, write it down. When you feel bad, write down what happened, what you were thinking, and how you reacted.

Sometimes while writing, you'll calm down and the answer will come to you.

Best wishes! I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you!