Including my parents, the original family members love me very much, but do I want to communicate?

Your narrative elucidates the detrimental impact of deficiencies in familial education on the subject, encompassing the obfuscation of boundaries between same-sex relatives, the prevalence of violent education, the compulsive and controlling nature of immediate family members, and a proclivity for excessive concern. These factors have precipitated challenges and resistance in your family communication, manifesting as discomfort and unpleasantness.

This also indicates that the individual is carrying inner pressure and emotional baggage, and is experiencing difficulty in releasing their true emotions and needs.

In this case, your avoidance or distance may be a result of your fear of past negative experiences and a way to hide your inner conflicted emotions. Your resistance and psychological barriers not only hinder healthy interactions with your family members, but also affect your personal emotional release and growth.

Family communication is a crucial element in the formation of healthy and close relationships. Effective family communication can facilitate emotional connections, enhance understanding and support among family members, and assist in the resolution of problems and conflicts.

Nevertheless, a considerable number of individuals encounter obstacles in their familial communication, which can culminate in feelings of distress and discontent.

From a psychological perspective, several key points emerge regarding family communication and interaction.

1. Expressing Emotions and Regulating Moods: Family communication should encompass the expression of emotions and the regulation of moods. Family members can establish more profound connections by expressing a range of emotions, including love, care, anger, and anxiety.

Additionally, emotional regulation is a crucial aspect of conflict management and problem-solving. Family members must develop the ability to regulate their own emotions and to discern and address the emotional needs of others.

2. Listening and Understanding: Effective family communication requires the skills of active listening and understanding. Active listening is a positive way of communicating that enhances understanding of the thoughts and feelings of others.

Listening is an effective method of demonstrating care and support, which can facilitate the development of stronger familial bonds.

3. Respect and equality: Respect and equality are of paramount importance in family communication. Family members should respect each other's views, feelings, and needs, and refrain from engaging in criticism, accusations, or arguments.

Equality entails that all members of a given group should be afforded the opportunity to express their views and have them treated with respect.

4. Express yourself clearly and directly: Expressing oneself in a clear and direct manner can help reduce the occurrence of misunderstandings and instances of miscommunication. It is advisable to utilize precise language and expressions, and to refrain from employing ambiguous or suggestive wording.

Conversely, it is imperative that they refrain from employing aggressive tones and vocabulary when articulating their sentiments.

5. Problem Solving and Compromise: One of the primary objectives of family communication is the ability to effectively address and resolve conflicts through the use of problem-solving techniques and a willingness to compromise.

This necessitates flexibility, a spirit of cooperation, and respect for each other's needs.

6. Positive Feedback and Appreciation: Family communication should include positive feedback and appreciation. Family members can learn to express appreciation for the actions and efforts of others, which helps to strengthen positive emotions and solidarity among family members.

7. It is recommended that family members who are experiencing significant difficulties with communication seek the assistance of a psychologist or family therapist. These professionals are equipped to provide detailed and tailored guidance, assisting family members in overcoming communication barriers.

In conclusion, family communication serves as the foundation for the development of healthy and intimate relationships. By employing effective communication skills, active listening, mutual respect, understanding, and problem-solving techniques, family members can strengthen their connections with one another and foster a supportive and nurturing family environment.

It is our hope that the aforementioned ideas will prove inspiring to the reader.

1. Emotions serve as signals, indicating that the subject is unwilling to be close to their parents. Despite attempts to believe that their parents "love" them rationally, emotions cannot be deceived. The subject cannot believe that being close to their parents is a possibility. This is the source of the confusion.

2. Your description has consistently presented a state of division between your rational and emotional states. While you believe that both parents care about and love you rationally, you cannot accept this emotionally and may even resent it. This is consistent with the first point.

3. The absence of forgiveness for the harm caused by one's parents creates an emotional discomfort when attempting to establish a rational proximity. This discomfort is accompanied by feelings of guilt and self-blame for the moral pressure exerted by the parents and for one's own emotional state. The aim is to comprehend the underlying reasons for these feelings and to identify strategies for eliminating such thoughts.

It is noteworthy that your confusion is not unique; it is a common phenomenon. It is commendable that you have initiated this line of inquiry at such an early stage and sought guidance.

There is no simple answer to this question. This is where one begins to explore life and to understand oneself. One can posit that emotions are signals that tell one what one has experienced in the past and what one's true unmet needs are.

Psychology and sociology can provide insight into this confusion. It is more beneficial to discover answers to life's questions through one's own efforts than to rely on external sources. It is my hope that you will embark on the journey of self-discovery.

Dear Question Asker, I am Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, your Heart Exploration Coach.

From the questioner's description, I can discern the questioner's internal conflict. I empathize with the questioner's feelings. Please allow me to extend a supportive gesture.

From the questioner's description, it can be surmised that the questioner is actually afraid of conflict and may not fully trust that if he opens up, he will be completely accepted by his loved ones. As a result, he avoids conflict.

In "Knowing the Time," Xiao Gongye informed Minglan of his positive actions towards her. Minglan's initial response was that this would only be the case if she felt positively about it. What is the basis for the questioner's evaluation of the value of their family's actions? Is it based on their parents' actions or their own feelings?

It would be beneficial to evaluate your own criteria in order to gain a clearer understanding of your current reaction.

Even if a mirror is repaired, the cracks will remain. It is understandable that the questioner has difficulty erasing the trauma from their heart, despite their parents' attempts to change their parenting style. It is not necessary for the questioner to blame themselves excessively.

The previous educational experience was not conducive to the questioner's comfort. What factors led to this change? Is it because of the increased distance between the questioner and their family, resulting in a greater appreciation for time spent together by the parents?

Has a significant event occurred that has compelled your parents to implement changes, yet there has been no fundamental alteration? This may also influence your psychological state.

From the questioner's reluctance to communicate, there may be an opportunity to maintain a positive perception of their parents' education and goodwill. This also indicates that the questioner genuinely cares for their parents, but may need guidance on expressing their feelings. Additionally, the concern about being raised by their parents during an argument may be a reflection of their apprehension about negative reactions from their parents.

It is a challenging time for both children and parents as they navigate new roles and responsibilities. It is natural for children to test boundaries and parents to make mistakes. It is essential to be patient and understanding as children learn and grow.

Failing to communicate all of your problems may result in future conflicts. If you are unable to speak with your parents directly, you may wish to consider writing a letter as an alternative. It is important to let your parents know how you feel, even if they do not fully understand. Expressing your emotions in writing can help you to feel more relaxed.

It is advisable to prepare for the worst-case scenario. What is the worst outcome if communication fails? Has there been anything worse than the worst outcome you have prepared for in the course of your growth? It may be easier when you have a predetermined outcome in mind.

It would be beneficial to recognize your current strengths. The questioner is currently a junior in college and will soon enter the workforce. He already has the ability to decide on his own level of proximity to his parents. If he feels uncomfortable at home, he can increase the physical distance after entering the workforce to reduce the risk of being controlled.

There is a commonly held belief that while being traumatized is not the fault of the individual, the responsibility to recover lies with them. The past cannot be changed, but being constantly held back by it may affect one's ability to move forward in the future. Attempting to provide an account of the past may allow the questioner to better reconcile with the situation and move forward with a positive outlook.

Not disclosing information to someone does not preclude responding to their actions in a way that is respectful and constructive. Attempting to respond to your parents in a manner that aligns with their expectations may assist them in comprehending your perspective and potentially reduce your feelings of self-blame.

It is advisable to distinguish between the two sets of issues. The parents' requests are their own concern, as are your own affairs. It would be beneficial to focus more on your own issues and pay less attention to your parents' issues. This may help to create a more relaxed atmosphere.

For further information, please see the following recommended reading: "The Power of Empathy," "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Accepting Imperfection," and "Living a Life Not Your Own."

The aforementioned opinions are for informational purposes only. Best regards,

Dear questioner, I am thrilled to answer your question and hope that my response will be a great source of support for you!

Now you are thriving in college life, with your own space and sufficient living expenses. You also have positive emotions towards your parents. You have surpassed many people, and you're excited to keep growing. Although your parents are very open-minded and you understand their concern, you are very resistant emotionally. You feel confused and helpless, but you know you can do this!

Your parents also want to know about your school life and be responsible parents. You feel uncomfortable with their affectionate but distant attitude, and you feel a little guilty. You want to ease the situation so that both sides are comfortable, and you know you can do it!

You have had a unique upbringing in a pre-university home environment, and your parents have grown and changed a lot over the years. You are also much more comfortable, and you're ready to move forward. Are there any doubts in your mind about whether this is really the case?

That kind of pain is in your memory, and you can heal it!

This state of affairs is also a phase of adjustment. So, first, accept yourself! Give yourself a little time and a little space, and watch the magic happen!

Every parent loves their child! You want what is best for your child, and you want them to obey you. You need to feel valued and secure, and you demand control over your child.

You're curious about whether your parents are embracing a new, improved version of themselves and moving on from the pain of the past.

This is why it's so important to slowly open up and see this mistrust and lack of a sense of security. You have boundaries and you're right to resent the intrusion of others. You have been protecting yourself, and it is better to say that it is a defense, and you also benefit from it. Isolating yourself from communication with others prevents you from getting hurt. Absolutely, we must observe boundaries within a certain range in relationships!

If you can keep your business to yourself, mine to mine, and God's to God's, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary trouble! Many conflicts are also caused by unclear boundaries, so it's important to set clear and respectful boundaries with others.

Your parents are treating you well because they want to be good parents. This is their responsibility, and they're doing a great job! Show them you love them by being happy and healthy. Be considerate of your parents' feelings, obey them in small matters, and have principles in major matters. This is the way forward, and you can do it!

You can do it! You can have a beautiful life! Without heart-to-heart communication with your parents, you will also be unable to face up to your own imperfections. You will be easily influenced by your parents. But if you firmly believe in yourself, you will feel their trust and support for you, no matter what they say, and see the positive side of things!

It's time to learn to care for yourself, meet your own needs, and nurture yourself from within! You'll be amazed at how much you'll love yourself when you do. And you'll fall head over heels with the whole world!

When your heart changes, everything looks beautiful!

Guilt is a wonderful thing! It shows you love your parents. Pain is just a sign that you're strong. It'll always warm and support you!

Communication is an amazing thing! It's about being able to see the other person and find the good in them.

When you truly accept yourself and see yourself, you can also see others, accept what is happening in the present, and you absolutely deserve to have a beautiful life!

Bless you!

Greetings, Jokerev here. I empathize with your distress and conflict.

The situation involves a number of psychological challenges, including personal space, emotional expression, the legacy of family education, and self-identity. First and foremost, it is important to acknowledge the depth of reflection on family relationships and respect for one's own feelings, which is indicative of maturity and growth.

Although family members may attempt to foster a closer relationship with you out of concern, you can politely but firmly inform them that you require independent time and space. For example, you might say, "I truly enjoy spending time alone. This time is of great importance to me, as it allows me to think more clearly and relax."

When parents demonstrate concern, there is no need to delve into one's inner world. Instead, one can simply express gratitude, for example, "I am grateful for your concern; I am touched and I love you very much."

In addition to verbal communication, nonverbal behaviors such as sharing a meal or participating in an activity together can also be used to convey one's feelings for the other person. These are examples of silent emotional connections.

Nevertheless, over the long term, communication remains an effective means of resolving this dilemma. It is advisable to select a time when all parties are in a relaxed and tranquil frame of mind to initiate the conversation.

The use of "I" language is an effective method for expressing one's feelings while avoiding direct accusations. An example of this would be, "I sometimes feel stressed because too much attention makes me feel like I can't breathe. I need more personal space."

It is important to anticipate the parents' potential emotional responses and to be prepared to address them with understanding and acceptance.

It is important to emphasise the objective of enhancing mutual understanding and fostering harmony in the relationship. It should be made clear that this communication is intended to facilitate a more constructive and respectful relationship, rather than to assign blame for past events. An example of this would be: "I am aware that my upbringing has influenced my perspective, and I hope that through this conversation, we can both gain a deeper understanding of each other, leading to a more respectful and harmonious relationship."

In the event of a dispute arising during the course of the conversation, it is important to remember that conflict is a normal aspect of any relationship. The key is to resolve the issue in a constructive manner. It is essential to remain calm, reiterate one's needs and expectations, and simultaneously listen to the other party's views and concerns.

Should the need arise, one may pursue professional psychological counseling to assist in addressing any subsequent issues that may emerge.

In conclusion, it is important to note that everyone has the right to protect their feelings and establish a comfortable lifestyle. This is not selfishness, but rather an act of self-love. While past experiences have shaped who we are, they do not define our future choices and development.

The ability to accept oneself, including one's imperfections, is an essential aspect of personal growth. It is my hope that you will gradually overcome the challenges you are currently facing and achieve a harmonious balance within your family.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing. Please accept my best regards.

You are aware that your family members hold you in high regard, yet you are reluctant to engage in communication with them.

First and foremost, it is not uncommon for individuals in this situation to have a somewhat vague sense of boundaries.

In Chinese-style families, this is the typical mode of operation. It is common for each family member to consider the other's business as their own.

As you mentioned, there is a lack of clarity regarding boundaries.

If you find the lack of boundaries in your family relationships problematic, I recommend scheduling a meeting to discuss the matter with your parents or other family members.

It is recommended that you start all communications with "I" rather than "you."

Additionally, the methods outlined in the book, Nonviolent Communication, may be helpful.

Additionally, their strong desire for control may be influenced by the experiences of their parents' generation.

It is possible that they were raised in a similar family environment.

Subsequently, they will perpetuate the pattern of mistreating their parents, which they learned from their own families.

Each time you attempt to communicate with your parents, they will assert that you are highly sensitive.

It is possible that they may feel that they have been well educated, but the more people feel that they are great, the more they may become blind to their own shortcomings and be unable to accept that they are wrong.

It is important to ensure that your parents are aware of this.

For example, you could say to them, "I concur with your assessment. You are well-educated individuals, and I have no doubt about that. However, you are also ordinary people, and as such, you will make mistakes. I also acknowledge that I may be a highly sensitive person; there is indeed such a thing as a highly sensitive person in psychology."

If you are not inclined to communicate, there are alternative methods you can employ.

As an alternative, you could compose a letter detailing the issues and emotions you have experienced over the course of your tenure with them.

One option is to discreetly deliver the letter to their residence.

It should be noted that even if communication is established with your parents, there is no guarantee that they will accept your views and ideas.

In such instances, it is important to be able to reassure yourself that your parents are doing their best in the role of your primary caregivers. It is only natural that they will have limitations and shortcomings in their abilities, just as anyone would in a new role.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved promptly.

At this time, I am only able to offer the above.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to studying hard every day.

Best regards, Yixinli Team

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