Is it all my fault that I lack independence, have no strong opinions and no sense of responsibility?

I have read your confessions and am aware of the difficulties you are facing. It is evident that your situation is not solely a result of your own actions, but rather a reflection of the interaction patterns within your family. However, you are currently 25 years of age, which provides an opportunity for gradual change. Let us engage in a discussion to explore potential solutions.

1. You assert that you lack independence of character, have no backbone, are weak and incompetent, and have no sense of responsibility. Furthermore, you express a desire to evade accountability for actions that are demonstrably your responsibility.

This situation is likely the result of your family's overprotection. From an early age, your parents have been responsible for arranging your activities and providing support in any situation. As a result, you have become dependent on them, and it is not feasible to suddenly cease this pattern of behavior.

2. The assertion that one's parents should provide care and support is often accompanied by an underlying assumption that this need is one-sided. In reality, parents may also require such care and support to maintain a sense of continued control over their daughter. The dynamic between the two parties is characterised by a mutual exchange of care and achievement.

3. If one desires to effect change, it may be challenging to implement significant alterations all at once. It is therefore advisable to identify areas where one can achieve a sense of accomplishment and take control of tasks that align with one's strengths. For instance, one might begin by determining the desired appearance following a haircut. This may appear to be a minor undertaking, but it allows one to take ownership of a specific aspect of one's appearance and experience a sense of achievement. Gradually, one can expand the scope of these changes. For further insight, one might consult the book "5% Change" by Li Songwei.

4. It is imperative not to disparage oneself. All individuals are entitled to be seen and heard. Before one is willing to assume responsibility for oneself and one's actions, it is essential to receive affirmation of one's worth.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Thank you for your attention. Please continue to persevere.

Hello, young lady. Let me give you a hug first. You're 25, a beautiful age to bloom. Your parents doted on you and overprotected you, so you feel you're not independent and can't make your own decisions.

Mental independence is the foundation of independence. I want to know if your parents have always helped you make decisions from childhood to adulthood. I want to know what you can decide for yourself.

For example, you decide what clothes you wear, what cosmetics you use, and what hairstyle you have. You decide what fruits you eat and what kind of friends you see.

I'm sure you have something you can decide for yourself.

You said, "Lack of assertiveness, cowardice, incompetence, and a lack of responsibility. It's obviously your fault, but you still want to shirk the responsibility." From your description, I know you are a girl who is aware of and has the strength to face her own problems.

You are not indecisive; you are just unwilling to face problems. It's likely that your parents have done too much for you, leaving you with little space to develop yourself. Since they are in charge, they can of course shirk their responsibilities.

You won't have anyone to blame if you make your own decisions and choose your own path. Have you tried talking to your parents about your thoughts?

You must be uncomfortable with yourself when you pass the buck. Otherwise, you wouldn't have talked yourself into being a loser. You're willing to do something to make yourself grow, but you haven't found a breakthrough. You thought of asking for help.

You need to understand that your independent personality is a huge topic. For you, the first thing is spiritual and financial independence. You said that you are not financially independent. You said, "At 25 years old, if you are not financially independent, you are the kind of person that everyone will hate, look down on, and despise." I think this is something you have imagined for yourself. There are many young people in society who have not found a job, and no one will despise or hate them. As long as they are trying to find a job or learning and growing, there will always be a job opportunity. You will change the situation too, as long as you go find a job or learn some skills.

Stop accepting your parents' control and learn to grow up on your own. You can also become financially independent. Go out and try something you like. You'll see your self-confidence increase and your inferiority complex decrease. You say you are weak and incompetent, but that is only because you have never tried and imagined it. Only when a person is financially independent can their personality become independent.

You want to make a change, and I admire that. Don't worry about who is right or wrong. Your parents love you, but they used the wrong methods. You are also self-reliant, but you have been overprotected by your parents, who have controlled you and bound your hands and feet. Now that you are an adult, you have your own thoughts and the opportunity and possibility to be self-reliant. Just go for it. The path is right at your feet. No one can tie your feet down. It all depends on whether you are willing to take a step forward. Independence must come from your own feet. I believe you can do it. You talk about yourself so negatively, but in fact, it is a reflection on yourself. It may not be the reality. Once you end your self-negation, and see your own energy and resources, see your own efforts and growth, you will become confident, and your parents will be proud of you. Don't give yourself a label and destroy your image. That is not the real you. The real you is a beautiful girl who is willing to grow and be independent!

I love you, girl. Be brave. Be the master of your own destiny.

Good morning, host. I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to express my gratitude for your service. I am smiling.

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. In this regard, I would like to extend my support in the four-dimensional space.

From the confusion mentioned in your description, it is evident that the current pattern of behavior you have developed is influenced by your upbringing. It is clear that your parents' concept of education is more protective than instructive. They want to ensure your safety, but they also want to shield you from potential harm. This parenting style can result in children becoming overly dependent on their parents and lacking self-reliance.

It is worth noting that this parenting style is not uncommon. New parents often strive to provide the best for their children, but may not fully understand the potential consequences of this approach. It can result in children becoming overly dependent on their parents, lacking self-reliance and resilience.

It is also beneficial to identify the current issues. Therefore, it is important to take your time and avoid excessive pressure, as this can lead to negative feelings.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation, and I hope they will be of some assistance.

(1) Confront your authentic self. Regardless of how genuine this self-awareness may be, it is crucial to address it directly rather than avoiding it.

(2) Attempt to assume responsibility for your own actions rather than attributing blame to others.

(3) Attempt to instill more courage and motivation in yourself. Believe in your ability to change and trust in your capacity to succeed through hard work.

(4) One strategy is to start with a small task and gradually build confidence, which will then transfer to other areas.

(5) Take action. Concerns will only impede progress in the present moment. It is therefore advisable to provide yourself with additional motivation to act.

The world and I wish you well.

Please be assured of my best wishes for your continued good health and wellbeing.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

The questioner describes herself as a mama's girl and papa's girl. It would be so interesting to know where this self-perception comes from! Was it defined by someone else or by the questioner herself?

I'm sure you can work and live independently now, don't you think? Surely you don't need your parents to worry about everything?

What things can the questioner do independently without worrying their parents? It's totally normal to need to go through adolescence and rebellion in order to grow up. I'm not sure if the questioner has rebelled against their parents during their growth process, but it's okay if they have!

Or is it being suppressed by your parents? If it is being suppressed, when the time comes and you really are away from your parents, the process of inner growth in you will still erupt. This is a process that everyone must go through to become independent, and it will present itself no matter when. You've got this!

I'll give the OP a pat on the shoulder and hope to give him a little strength. The OP is feeling pain right now, and a big reason for this is that the OP doesn't know how to correctly understand and recognize himself, and how to get along with his parents. It's tough when parents help themselves arrange everything, so the OP doesn't need to worry about it. But this excessive interference in the OP's growth prevents him from learning to be independent, and it is easy to cause the OP to develop negative emotions.

When you truly face your own needs, you'll find the strength to break free from your parents' protection. It's okay to feel scared, but you've got this! Your parents can't be by your side forever, but you can do this.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I'd love to be able to give you more advice, but I can only give you some brief advice on the question.

Know yourself, my friend.

If you're looking to break free from the pain and the current situation where your parents are protecting you, it's really helpful to know clearly what kind of person you are, what your qualities are, and what you want. You can try writing down your qualities and strengths on a piece of paper to get a sense of what they are. For example:

I'm great at observing others!

I'm really good at summarizing my experiences!

I'm going to take some time to explore myself.

I'm a very patient person, and if I recognize something, I'll just dive right in!

I can sing, and I'm pretty good at it, too!

I just love reading!

It's totally okay if you have so many strengths and qualities that you can't think of them all at once! Just take your time and write them down as you remember them.

List all of your amazing achievements!

Sometimes, you don't need to argue with your parents to get away from their care. They'll always see you as their little one, so it's important to recognize your own achievements in areas where you're not dependent on them and where you've done well.

The questioner has so many achievements that they can list, no matter how small they are! These achievements are all part of the questioner's life, and they can help the questioner to know themselves better.

For example,

What a star! Tell us about all the competitions you've taken part in and the awards you've won.

He went to university and found a job, which is great!

In middle school, he really stood out from the crowd and then got into high school, and then went on to college!

By listing all the amazing things you've done in your own life, you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself. You'll also realize that you've achieved so much on your own, without any help from your parents!

It's so important to communicate with your parents!

It can be really helpful for the question asker to try to communicate with their parents when they're in a good mood and talk about their feelings and thoughts. Even if they don't know how to explain it at the moment, it's still great to be able to express the difficulties and confusion they're experiencing.

It can be really helpful to chat with your folks about how they're feeling about your behavior. It's also a great idea to find out what they think and where they're coming from.

It's so common for parents' views on their kids to be shaped by ideas from previous generations or patterns they picked up from their own families. These patterns and ideas can even affect the questioner directly! The good news is that the questioner can communicate and understand clearly what the situation is with their parents.

It would be really helpful to understand why they're so protective of the questioner and what they're afraid of. The questioner can find out from their parents.

It's totally okay to talk about your worries!

When you're facing some challenges or feeling like you're not quite up to something, it's really helpful to have someone you can talk to. It's so important to remember that you don't have to face things alone. There's no shame in asking for help!

It's so important to find someone you can talk to from the bottom of your heart. It can be really helpful to overcome your inferiority complex. The original poster might find it useful to speak to a psychologist. If the psychologist's advice doesn't help, it could be a good idea to confide in other listeners. I'm sure they'll be able to help you feel better.

Be strong!

It's totally normal to feel stuck in our comfort zones. We might be afraid of facing the unknown or feel like we're not strong enough to take on the world. But, with a little courage and support, we can push past our comfort zones and explore new things. When we're faced with parental protection, it's a great opportunity to try new things on our own. We don't need to rely on others to shelter us from the wind and rain. Instead, we can learn to shelter ourselves from the elements and grow our resilience.

As you become stronger, your parents might worry about your safety or whether you'll do a good job. You can gently let them know that this is your own business and that you're ready to complete it independently. No matter what the outcome is, you'll be fine. Otherwise, you'll never be able to grow up! Try to do as much as you can on your own. Master some things you can do yourself. Once you've completed it independently, tell yourself, "Look, I have completed another thing independently. I am capable of accomplishing many things, and as long as I am willing, I can definitely do a good job."

You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.

Do more of the things you like, and find the goals and meaning of your life's struggle in the things you like. It's okay to feel dissatisfied sometimes, but don't let it get you down! When you're feeling down, do something to please yourself.

Treat yourself to something sweet when you're feeling down. It'll make your day! And remember, it's important to be happy without hurting others.

It's so important to make sure that negative emotions don't take over your life.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Thank you for your question. My name is Wang Yufei, a listener at Yixinli. After listening to your description, I believe that when you talk about your own problems, you are already reflecting on yourself and blaming yourself.

In essence, your statements are merely self-labels and self-denials.

I believe that regardless of your circumstances, you are deserving of love, care, and respect. The challenges you have outlined are not uncommon, and many individuals face similar difficulties.

I believe you may have experienced some challenges in your personal relationships or encountered circumstances that have led you to self-sabotage. It is not uncommon for individuals to feel the need to affirm themselves more.

Additionally, you may experience frustration, guilt, and discomfort when you engage in self-critical discourse. You have indicated that you do not reflect on yourself and tend to attribute external factors as the primary cause of your challenges. However, your statements reflect a self-critical stance and could be perceived as a harsh self-accusation.

I believe that regardless of one's past experiences or self-perception, individuals can continue to develop and evolve. It is evident that you have identified certain areas for improvement.

You have already initiated a change in your personal development. It will take time, so allow yourself the necessary time to achieve your goals.

As an example, we can pursue greater financial independence, cultivate a distinctive personality, or simply develop a more stable temperament and character. These are all achievable goals with incremental steps.

How do you feel when you are negative about yourself? It is likely that this has a negative impact on your self-confidence and sense of security.

Furthermore, you may feel that you have not accomplished anything correctly and experience remorse. Is it feasible to gradually enhance our circumstances through learning and undertaking activities in our daily lives?

I believe the answer is affirmative. As long as we are willing to make the necessary changes, we have already taken the first step towards achieving them.

You are currently undergoing a period of transition, and you have already undergone changes that will contribute to your eventual realization of the self you aspire to become.

It would be beneficial to provide yourself with more encouragement and affirmation. I believe you have previously engaged in activities that have resulted in positive feelings of accomplishment.

There are also numerous instances where you have demonstrated competence or made sound decisions. Can you recall these experiences and the emotions you felt at the time?

Take the time to identify your own self-confidence and happiness. There is a common saying that we grow in success, and success brings more success. Take the time to reflect on your most positive experiences, embrace them fully, and then look forward to more of these moments in your future.

Perhaps a change in approach would be beneficial, but we are not without merit. Do you feel unduly self-critical? I believe you have much to be proud of, and you should seek recognition for your achievements.

However, at this time, it appears that your focus is on self-criticism.

Please take the time to reflect on your strengths and consider them on a daily basis. It is natural to have weaknesses, but as long as your strengths outweigh them, it is of no consequence. This is akin to a flaw in a flawless white wall.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

"A slight upward and downward movement, and the word character is supported by the beam." The assertion that one is worthless is illogical.

One must not disparage one's own habits or compromise one's standards. When one makes such a statement, it leads to a lack of strength and competence, an absence of one's own opinions, and a tendency to become overly reliant on one's parents. Given that we are all ordinary individuals, it is unreasonable to expect perfection from anyone. We are simply a single entity. If one is aware of these shortcomings, why not attempt to change them? Is it not one's responsibility to shoulder the burden of life, rather than relying on one's parents? Is this truly an act of filial piety? This is a crucial question.

It is not our practice to disseminate information about our shortcomings to others, nor do we feel any obligation to others. Life is a singular occurrence, yet it is transitory; it will end as quickly as the blink of an eye. In light of this knowledge, we endeavor to overcome our shortcomings one by one, adhere to the principles of nature, and rectify the negative.

Human beings are born with the innate desire for freedom and independence. It is a fundamental aspect of our nature to seek autonomy and to avoid external control. Additionally, we possess a fundamental need for personal space.

We recognize the intrinsic value of life and the futility of remaining in a state of passive acceptance. Each of us possesses unique qualities and abilities, and we have the opportunity to explore and develop them. Are you prepared to venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone?

If one is reluctant to emerge from one's shell and we persist in offering positive reinforcement, yet the individual remains reluctant to acknowledge and accept their shortcomings, it begs the question: how would we, as well-meaning individuals, feel in such a situation? Would such an endeavour not ultimately prove futile?

It is my hope that I will respect the choices and rights of my friends, that I will learn to understand others, and that we will move forward with a positive attitude when we grow up. It is relatively simple to become friends with others; it is not a complicated process, it is just a matter of having different ideas.

It is imperative to extend kindness to oneself, adhere to one's heart's desires, refrain from becoming a pawn in the hands of others, and cultivate an independent personality. The process of self-love and self-acceptance is crucial, as is recognizing the underlying causes of one's insecurities and addressing them effectively.

We do not rely on others for our sense of self-worth; rather, we are responsible for our own actions and decisions. Despite our imperfections, we possess the strength to overcome challenges and support ourselves in life. Victory is ours to claim. When we encounter problems that we do not fully comprehend, we seek the guidance and support of our friends and family to help us solve them and overcome them. This process allows us to recognize our own resilience and capacity for growth.

It is my conviction that a woman of admirable character is capable of managing her own affairs. You are still in the early stages of life, and I am confident that your partner will encounter similar challenges. It is imperative to cultivate a sense of optimism and anticipation for a more promising future. We have endured a considerable amount of hardship. It is therefore essential to cultivate a positive outlook and approach each challenge with determination and resilience.

One might inquire as to whether the negative aspects of one's character are a result of one's own actions. However, this question has already been addressed and thus will not be considered further. It is sufficient to acknowledge that my friend possesses a kind heart and is able to tolerate discussions about our friendship. With such a friend in my life, there is no need to dwell on the scars of the past.

It is imperative that we prioritize our own well-being and pursue a life of personal fulfillment. To achieve this, it is essential to expand our social circles and adopt healthier living habits.

One should endeavor to open up one's own future and fill it with the beauty of sunshine. One should bathe in the sunshine and rain and embrace the arrival of flowers blooming in all seasons. Life is just this beautiful. One should recognize what one lacks and endeavor to find it. One should learn to empty oneself, relax one's mind, and not have to remember the sorrows of the past. Starting today, one should walk with cheer and swim against the sunshine across the mountains and rivers.

Transformative dependence can be transformed into motivational drive, and the times are developing. It is imperative that we move forward with the progress of the times, not lag behind. We are different from our parents, and we must not follow the same path. As a new generation, we are willing to climb to the top. This spirit, charging ahead, not losing to others, achieving outstanding personal expression, and financial independence, is truly something to be happy about.

It would be unwise to rely on mountains, as they are prone to collapse and people may abandon us in such circumstances. Therefore, it is necessary to eliminate this dependence. We must be prepared to confront such dangers, and perseverance is the key to success. Our determination and resilience will enable us to achieve our goals.

Let us bless the extraordinary woman, who is as beautiful as a lotus flower, and whose fragrance is as sweet as the breeze in a water palace, where jade and jewelry are displayed.

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