Is it my narrow-mindedness and petty-mindedness that causes conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the interference of my sister-in-law?

Hello, question asker! I'm so honored to answer your question.

I totally get it. The problems you described have the following points:

1. Your family has two little ones, and your sweet mother was originally going to take care of them. Unfortunately, she hurt her hand, so she's now hoping your father's and mother's side can lend a hand.

2. Your mother-in-law is doing a great job of raising two children for your younger brother, but having four children is probably a lot to handle. She suggested that your father-in-law help out, but he said no because there are two dogs at their home. This makes you feel a little hurt, but you know your father-in-law has good reasons for saying no.

3. Your sister-in-law made a good point about your mother babysitting, but she didn't say that she would let your mother help. Your mother-in-law also said you didn't go home for the New Year, but you actually did go home. It's understandable that you feel a bit aggrieved.

4. You've been holding it all in for so long, and you finally couldn't hold back anymore. You went looking for a fight and expected an apology, but things got even worse. I know it must have been really tough for you.

It's totally understandable to have doubts about this matter. Is the conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law due to the involvement of your sister-in-law, or is it because you are narrow-minded and petty?

I feel like the main thing missing here is non-violent communication. It's so important to be able to talk to each other in a way that's respectful and kind. I think you should try to communicate with your husband, your mother-in-law, and your sister-in-law in a way that's more open and understanding.

I can see why you'd want to let your mother take care of the kids. I'm sure she'd be happy to help out! But I just wanted to flag that some mothers-in-law might feel deprived of their right to take care of their grandchildren. It's worth chatting with your mother-in-law in advance to make sure she's OK with this. I'm sure she'd understand if she couldn't come, but it's good to check in!

I bet your sister-in-law said something similar for the same reason.

I really think that if you explain to your sister-in-law why you didn't let your mother-in-law bring the baby and tell her about your concerns and worries, she'll understand you better and won't misunderstand you.

I can see why you went to your mother's house to argue. It's a tricky situation! You could have avoided it by not going yourself, telling your husband the reason for the argument, and asking her to coordinate with your mother and sister. Stay calm, and I'm sure you'll get through this together.

I really hope these ideas help you understand things better, OP!

Hello. I am glad to be able to answer your question. I am confident that my suggestions will be of help to you.

After reading your description and your current situation, we have repeatedly mentioned a term called "helping with childcare."

I believe this awareness is essential. We must recognize that the responsibility of raising children rests solely with the parents, that is, with ourselves and our husbands. Regardless of whether our mothers or mothers-in-law assist us with the children, it is all based on helping. This includes the two elders helping with the care of our other children. It is all about helping us reduce our stress and raise our children.

Given the circumstances, it will undoubtedly be challenging to make a decision or determine the best way to approach our child-rearing issue.

Right now, our main priority is figuring out the best way to take care of the children.

We must solve the problem first, then resolve our emotions. Time is of the essence.

We can communicate with our husbands to determine which extended family member is more available and has more energy to take care of the children.

In this process, we have a foundation that is based on who loves whose children. We can first think about why our mothers help us with the children. It is out of their love for the children. They are just worried about their own children. They are helping their daughters take care of the children and want to make it easier for their daughters.

We must consider what the mother-in-law would care about if she were to take care of the children. Would she care about being considerate of the daughter-in-law? This is obviously not a common situation. Then we can ask our husbands to talk to their mothers-in-law and say, "I'm working too hard. Apart from work, I really can't find the time to take care of the children. And my wife has already taken on a lot, but she still can't do everything. I need my mother-in-law to help me take care of the children for a while and relieve me of some of the pressure."

Tell your mother-in-law that your daughter-in-law is doing the work, and you're not doing her a favor, but your son a favor. She'll see that you're not trying to take advantage of her.

It is crucial to consider the husband's perspective and what he thinks.

Second, once we have resolved the issue of child support, we will address the relationship with my mother-in-law, including the relationship with my sister-in-law.

We must consider my husband's feelings too, as they are his family and social connections.

Let me be clear: if we divorce, we won't have to deal with his sister-in-law, sister-in-law, or mother-in-law. It doesn't matter if our relationship becomes worse. It has nothing to do with our future lives. My husband will always have to deal with these people. We need to understand and appreciate his perspective, the social responsibilities he bears, and his social connections.

We must give our husbands the right to make decisions and handle the situation. We can tell them what happened in the family, and if necessary, we can let them know through recordings. In private, without their knowledge, we can show them how their loved ones treated their wives, so that they can feel the disrespect and then step in to handle the situation themselves.

Arguing only intensifies conflicts. The way to resolve things is to clear up misunderstandings and find a way to live together in peace.

This part is idealistic, but it's the best solution we have. Our problems with the mother-in-law have been going on for a long time, and there is no very suitable solution. So as long as we can achieve a balanced state as much as possible, it will be a very good ending.

You will find a family relationship model that suits you and solve some of the problems you are facing now. Do this through self-reflection and continuous communication with your husband.

The world and I love you!