Is it that my adoptive father is happy when I am not around?

Children long for family harmony and understandably want to protect their mother from bullies. This is great! It's worth encouraging, but you need to be careful about the way you do it.

First, remember that your presence or absence has no bearing on whether your adoptive father is happy or not. You are only 12 years old, and there are so many factors in the adult world that can make them feel bad, argue, or worry.

You only saw a partial view of the quarrel, so you're in the clear! No remorse or guilt for you!

Second, you are a very obedient, kind, and sensible child. You hope that the family can remain harmonious and not fall out because of you. This shows how much you care about your family!

If you study hard and try to be a good boy, it will definitely help improve your family relationships, help you grow and learn, and it is enough for you to do what you can. You can do it!

Third, girls in December are growing up in adolescence. It's an exciting time! Children need to learn to communicate with their parents in their own way, but they should not argue with their father. They must express their feelings and thoughts in a calm tone of voice and communicate with them.

If they don't understand, that's totally fine! Adults are just as unreasonable when they argue as children are.

Absolutely! It would be great to wait until everyone is calm and then communicate with them.

Come on, you are a sensible, motivated, and absolutely lovely child!

Hey there! I'm Qingnian JIA2020, and I'm really excited to keep in touch!

One Psychology Answering Questions Hall is an amazing, supportive community where the world and I love each other! https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, I can see that you're feeling guilty and conflicted about how you've handled the arguments between your adoptive parents. I'm here to give you a warm hug and hopefully provide some helpful advice.

I think it's great that you're defending your mother against your adoptive father and grandmother. It's true that children are the flesh of their mothers and will be well cared for by them.

You don't know much about your adoptive parents, except that you were a great kid. There's a saying: "Impulse is the devil; think twice before you act." This means that the arguments and words we use when we disagree can hurt the people who care about us.

You step in to stop them arguing. One way to do this is to make sure you don't let one family member speak badly of another. The other is to make sure you don't let two close people drift further apart because of their arguments. You're basically concerned about their behaviour, but you used inappropriate language in the argument, which made them angry at you.

In this case, you can try to separate the topic. That means thinking about what your adoptive father said to you when he was angry. You should understand that these words were spoken in anger and shouldn't be taken to heart. Secondly, you can try to relieve the discomfort in your heart. You can express your emotional state by keeping a diary or drawing pictures.

The most important thing to remember is that parents can easily lose their temper with their children because they're not handling their emotions well. This is what we call the "kicking-the-cat effect": a chain reaction that occurs when someone vents their anger on someone weaker or lower in the social hierarchy.

The "kicking-the-cat effect" shows how bad moods spread. Dissatisfaction and bad moods are usually passed on through social relationships, with the strongest and most influential people having the greatest impact.

The weakest link in the chain is the one that gets hit the hardest. It's an infectious psychological disease.

It's tough for parents to handle their emotions well because there's nowhere to vent, so they take out their anger on their kids. It's hard to listen to what your parents say, and you feel like you have to prove yourself through practical actions. It's hard not to take someone's words personally.

I can tell how tough it is for you in this family. You can look for good friends outside or find a trusted teacher at school to talk to. Try to build your own social support system, which is to say, establish your own network of relationships.

If you're feeling down, you can talk to your friends and family about it. We all have the capacity for kindness and compassion.

Have faith in yourself and know that you can improve with time. Give yourself a boost with some positive thinking. You've got this!

Best of luck to you!

I just wanted to say that I love you, and I think the world loves you too!

It's not your fault that your adoptive father and your mother are always fighting. Don't be too hard on yourself and think it's your fault. The adult world is always very complicated. Life's trivial matters, worries in their hearts, and career setbacks can all trigger their negative emotions, which accumulate and then erupt completely.

You were just standing nearby and got caught up in the middle of their fight. Your adoptive father and your mother will keep fighting and won't reconcile just because you're not there.

Similarly, it's likely that even if you're still living with your parents, they'll still argue from time to time. There's no need to worry.

I get why you want to stop your adoptive father and your mother from fighting.

That's why you spoke up when they were arguing and your adoptive father gave you a talking to, right?

You didn't do anything wrong.

You're just trying to protect your mom, who's in a weaker position.

But you need to understand that you're still just a kid, your strength is still too weak, and your words and voice are still very weak. So, as you currently are, it may be difficult for you to stop your adoptive father and your mother from fighting.

It's also important to understand that no matter how badly your adoptive father and mother argue, your mother will always love you and will never abandon you.