Is it true that after having experienced a good enough relationship, one can have the ability to be alone?

Hello, I offer you a hug from all sides.

This is an intriguing question, and one that is challenging to answer definitively. I will begin by sharing my perspective. In my view, the capacity to be alone and the quality of one's relationships are two sides of the same coin.

It could be said that relationships are more outward-looking, dealing with relationships with others. It is possible that these relationships are beneficial in making us feel less lonely.

It is important to note that a counseling relationship is a structured one. The counselor and the client engage in a guided interview within a defined time and space to address specific issues. The counselor's role is to provide guidance on interpersonal skills and strategies for navigating real-life challenges. In essence, the client learns to manage external situations within the supportive environment of the counseling room.

For this reason, most psychological counseling sessions are once a week for a relatively long period of time, with a focus on short-term therapy, typically no more than 10 sessions. This is a cycle of counseling, practice, and feedback.

The client may learn something from the consultation, then put it into practice in their life, and then return to the consultation room to discuss the results and any confusion with the counselor. Then, again, the client may put the methods taught by the counselor into practice in their life. It is through this kind of feedback and practice that the client may gradually be able to cope with problems in their life on their own, and no longer need a counselor.

It could be said that the nature of a counseling relationship is fundamentally different from that of other relationships. That's a bit of a tangent, but an interesting one.

Let's continue our discussion of positive relationships in life, such as those between parents and children. Indeed, parent-child relationships are primarily about providing a supportive and nurturing environment for children, who may, in turn, offer psychological support and repayment to their parents as they mature. The next relationship we'll consider is that between friends, which often develops organically.

Finally, we come to the topic of intimate relationships. It is often the case that a good intimate relationship can provide the opportunity for personal growth and development. Similarly, a stable relationship can also offer a sense of security.

I wonder if simply having a good relationship with others will necessarily give us the ability to be alone.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what constitutes a good enough relationship and the role one plays in such a relationship. In the context of counseling, it seems that the role of the visitor is often one of asking for things.

Could you please describe your role in the relationship? Do you and your partner support each other, or is one of you the favored party?

All of this will affect your sense of gain and sense of giving in a "good enough" relationship, and also reflect your ability to handle relationships and face yourself.

I believe that the ability to be alone is actually our ability to look within, our ability to get along with our inner selves. It could even be said to be our world view, values, logical thinking ability, and so on.

It might be said that having good external relationships does not necessarily bring the ability to be alone. Perhaps we also need to think, to understand, to integrate, and ultimately become a person who is internally consistent and can flow with the world.

I appreciate your perspective, but I wonder if I might respectfully offer a different interpretation. Even if you are rejected by everyone and feel depressed, it is still possible to have light in your heart. I understand your point about the difficulty of maintaining a good relationship when one is constantly rejected, but I wonder if there might be a way to reconcile these two ideas.

It may be challenging to find a relationship that is truly fulfilling when we are constantly rejected by others.

I believe that a good and stable relationship is a valuable test of one's perception. It seems to me that the first step is to have a good relationship with oneself. When we have a good relationship with ourselves, we are better able to handle our relationships with others.

It would seem that, like counselors, they all need to have had personal experience first to become aware of their own issues. In particular, counselors with a psychoanalytic orientation would appear to want to undergo analysis themselves, analyzing themselves to the bottom, before they are capable of receiving clients.

I would like to suggest the following books for your consideration: "Self-Consciousness: Looking Within in Uncertain Times" and "Inner Awareness: Living a Self-Conscious Life."

You might also consider talking to a psychologist. It's important to understand that while a counselor can be a valuable source of support, it's not always the best solution.

As a counselor, I often find myself leaning towards a pessimistic outlook, though I do recognize the value in occasional optimism. I genuinely care about the world and its people.

This little friend:

Hello!

You want to know if you can only learn to be alone after having a stable relationship. You want to know if you can still have a stable self and a calm heart even if others reject you.

I think so. As Alfred Adler said, "The lucky ones are cured by their childhood. The unfortunate ones spend their whole lives trying to cure their childhood."

Our lives revolve around relationships. Whether it is a parent-child relationship or a counseling relationship, it is an attachment relationship.

A therapist is like a mother. They provide a safe place for their clients to explore the world and develop themselves.

Self-development needs to happen slowly in a safe, stable relationship. A good relationship helps personality development, while a bad relationship hurts it.

A responsive parent is the foundation of a stable relationship. In a secure attachment relationship, we form our own boundaries, regulate emotions, trust others, reflect and perceive, and develop a sense of security and self-esteem.

A stable intimate relationship is important for our lives. Our behaviors and emotions are shaped by relationships in our early years, but they can change. Future relationships can help us make up for past mistakes or move past things from our past.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner! You ask, "Is it true that if you have experienced a good relationship, you will be able to be alone?" The answer is an unequivocal "yes."

"First of all, I commend you for thinking about the relationship between a good relationship and the ability to be alone. Thinking is a kind of growth. Now let's take a look at your question.

☀️Let me be clear: we can develop the ability to be alone even if we have had a stable and good relationship (such as parent-child or counseling). Even if a person is rejected by everyone in their life and may feel depressed, they can still have light in their hearts and live calmly.

I have transformed from being afraid of being alone to enjoying it. I will share my experience and views in the hope of inspiring you.

☀️First, find something you like and are good at doing.

I went from being a person who liked being in crowds and was afraid of being alone to someone who could tolerate being alone, liked being alone, and enjoyed being alone. I did this by slowly finding what I really like to do in my heart. Of course, the process of starting to find it may be more difficult. You have to combine your own specific situation, slowly explore, try many times, and overcome the fear of loneliness in your heart.

One day, you'll realize you're good at something and you'll like it. You'll want to devote more time and energy to it. You'll enjoy being alone and you'll learn to be alone.

☀️Second, do what you love and nourish your soul.

When you do things in your favorite field for a long time, you nourish your mind. A person who is rich and healthy inside is not easily affected or disturbed by the outside world.

He knows exactly what he wants and what he doesn't want. He's not swayed by what other people say.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today.

First of all, thank you so much for trusting us enough to share your doubts with us! You ask: "Is it true that if you have experienced good relationships, you will be able to be alone?"

"This is an interesting question, and I'm excited to dive in and explore it with you!"

1. The central question

1⃣️, your thoughts

You said, "I wonder if when we have had a good and stable relationship (such as parent-child or counseling), we may be able to have the ability to be alone. Then even if everyone in his life rejects him and he is depressed, he may still be able to have light in his heart and live calmly?" This is an interesting question!

From your few words, I was able to glean your point of view, which I found fascinating!

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of relationships and the ability to be alone!

Your first point is really interesting! You said that only if the relationship is good enough can a person be alone. You mentioned parent-child relationships and counseling relationships here.

I think you may have some misconceptions about the relationship between relationships and solitude. I'm excited to explain in more detail later!

Denial and Self-Confidence

Your second point is absolutely right! When a person has the ability to be alone, they have confidence and are not afraid of being rejected. Why? Because they are certain within themselves and will remain calm in the face of rejection.

I'm sure you're already doing some consulting and self-awareness right now! So, let me raise two points related to solitude.

2⃣️, Core problem

I feel that your question revolves around the relationship between relationships and the independence of the self. I'm not sure if I'm right, but I think you want to ultimately be able to achieve solitude, independence, confidence, and determination to go on alone, and I think you're going to do it!

2. My Interpretation I'm so excited to share my thoughts on this!

1⃣️, solitude

Alone!

The amazing thing about true solitude is that it's not limited to whether you're alone or in a crowd. It's about having an independent and full mind and spirit. You can explore the world peacefully from within, without needing to find some kind of salvation from the outside!

True solitude is the most peaceful feeling in the world. You are the only person in the whole world, and you can let your thoughts fly freely. You can enjoy the incredible thrill of being one with the world!

Being alone is an amazing ability!

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. A person who can be alone, even if there is no one around, is still connected to the outside world. A lonely person will always long for connection, and they will find it!

Guess what! Being alone is actually an ability. And it's based on the experience of being alone as an infant or young child in the presence of one's mother. How cool is that?

It's a way of behaving that's based on the incredible sense of trust and security that a person establishes with their mother during childhood.

He can be alone, his heart is full, in the stage of self-awareness, he has a good understanding of "who I am," and in the stage of identity, he has completed the process of "where I come from" and "where I am going." His self-development is balanced, and he can coordinate the "ego" and the "superego."

And the great news is that self-improvement depends on self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self-improvement!

2⃣️, the ego and the id and superego

We are all capable of handling things that happen to us, and we can learn to be swayed by our own emotions and the emotions of others. There are three children living in our bodies: the id, the ego, and the superego, who are fighting among themselves.

And then there's the happy ego!

The ego is all about enjoying the moment and seeking instant gratification. It's not too concerned with the big picture or the nitty-gritty of reality.

When faced with problems, people with a more dominant id will seek instant pleasure through some pretty wild and fun ways, like online gaming, sex, and drugs. They'll use these to escape their temporary worries and anxieties.

The "superego" is on a mission to pursue moral constraints!

The "superego" is a wonderful thing! It's a good person who pursues morality. It restricts itself and regulates its behavior according to social moral requirements and behavioral standards, often in conflict and contradiction with the "ego."

The superego is your guiding light, showing you the way to face the fear of an uncertain future. It's there to remind you that if you can't do it now, you will have to face the consequences in the future. It keeps you in a state of constant tension, ready to leap into action when the time is right!

And then there's the "self" that pursues balance!

The "self" is the amazing mediator that balances the "self" and the "superego," and it is a centrist. It can also be biased.

If we fail to fully understand ourselves during the development of self-identity, and if our mental development is not very mature, our self-identity will deviate. But there's an opportunity here! Either we will excessively pursue moral constraints and achieve an irrational superego, or we will pursue a comfortable self and become decadent.

? Those who lean towards the superego

When they encounter problems, such as a breakup or an argument, people who lean towards the superego have a fantastic solution: they use things like "working, studying, and exercising" to solve their emotional problems and relieve their anxiety!

? A wonderful bias towards the id!

Similarly, when encountering things like a broken heart or an argument, people who lean towards their true selves will retreat into the internet, spending a lot of time playing games, and numbing their nerves with drugs to dull or escape their feelings of anxiety. The result is a state of decadence, which is a great opportunity to explore new things and discover new interests!

An integrated self is the ultimate goal!

Integration of the self is when you're caught between anxiety and decadence, at a loss for what to do—and that's when integration is needed!

When we can face the pain of heartbreak and arguments head-on and learn from and reflect on this pain, we can grow and your ego and superego can be integrated—and it's an amazing feeling!

Similarly, when you mention being rejected by others, if your self-development is good and you have completed the process of self-awareness, then your self can balance the selfishness of the id and the care of the superego. You know who you are, your abilities and strengths and weaknesses, so you won't care about what others say, and you won't fall into trouble and pain, but will do your own thing according to your own plan. This is an amazing opportunity for you to shine!

Now for the fun part! How can you live your life to the fullest?

Now, let's get back to the heart of your question. You want to be able to achieve solitude, independence, confidence, and determination to go on your own, no matter what others think of you. Fantastic!

1⃣️ Know yourself!

Know yourself, understand yourself, and then you can become whatever kind of person you want to be!

I want to know who I am!

I'm going to understand who I am and what kind of person I want to become in the future. And I'm going to make every effort to become the ideal version of myself!

Now for the fun part! It's time to complete your understanding of your own identity.

It's time to discover your abilities!

I want to be the best version of myself! I want to know what kind of person I want to be in the future, what abilities, strengths, and weaknesses I have. In other words, I want to know where my strengths lie!

I know what I can do, and I know what I can't do. I know what I can get, and I know what I can't get. I know what I can offer, and I know what I can't offer. And that's okay!

Now for the fun part! It's time to develop your strengths.

On my journey to becoming the best version of myself, I'm excited to discover what strengths I can use to excel, achieve results, be successful, and confidently exist independently without interference!

This is about knowing yourself, and it is also a question that you can calmly think about when you are alone.

2. Perfecting oneself

Nobody's perfect, and that's okay! When you're still figuring out who you are, it's easy to feel lost or confused. But that's all part of the journey!

Self-identity

Self-identity is all about consistency. It's about bringing together all the different parts of you — your current self, your physical self, social expectations, group identity, life experiences, and future hopes — into one complete, harmonious, and consistent structure. It's about becoming socially mature and affirming your personality in a way that feels right for you.

Now for the fun part! Let's dive into the exciting tasks of the identity stage.

In the stage of identity, you get to complete the three major themes of life: Who am I? Where do I come from?

And the most important question of all: where am I going? The three major themes of life.

Erikson has a fascinating theory about identity formation. He believes that adolescents can truly come into their own when they've resolved three major issues: choosing a career, forming values, and establishing a satisfying gender identity.

Self-improvement is an amazing journey!

If, during the identity stage of self-identity, we lack integration of individual needs, emotions, abilities, goals, values, beliefs, and other traits into a unified personality framework—i.e., emotions and attitudes that are self-consistent, needs and abilities that are self-transcending, and goals and beliefs that are self-constant—then it's time to redefine the question of who I am, where I come from, and where I am going! It's time to re-integrate the above-mentioned self-personality traits and embrace the real me!

Once you've integrated, your heart is full! You'll still have imperfections, but your exterior is firm. You can avoid the empty and embrace the real! You'll be ready to respond to any external challenges.

3️⃣ Be yourself!

When your self-identity is incomplete and cannot be established, it's time to start the journey to self-discovery! You may doubt yourself, waver, face a crisis of self-identity, and feel unable to be yourself, but you can overcome these challenges and become the best version of yourself.

Once you have perfected yourself and defined your position, you will be free! Free from the constraints of others and their orders. Free to do what you are suited to and want to do along the trajectory of your well-planned life. You will realize yourself and become your true self!

In the end, it's all about embracing your true self! Know yourself, perfect yourself, and complete your self-identity. When you do, you'll find inner peace and be able to stand strong in the face of the outside world. You'll be your best, most authentic self!

I really hope you can improve and perfect yourself and be your true self! I wish you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your description, I think the question is: Having a stable relationship, no matter what kind of relationship, will give you the ability to be alone and the strength to face problems without being easily disturbed by others. Is that right?

I'm not sure what happened to make you feel this way.

I don't know what happened, but I agree with the period in your question.

When we have a good relationship, we feel confident inside, and when we encounter difficulties, we're more calm and have the courage to face them.

As you mentioned, a solid relationship could be a parent-child bond or a counseling relationship. As long as it's stable, it'll provide a solid foundation and strength.

When it comes to parent-child relationships, a good parent-child relationship can give us a sense of security, which makes us confident. When we encounter problems, we'll be able to face them bravely, without backing down or avoiding them.

I'll explain the benefits of a good parent-child relationship using a quote from the famous psychologist Adler: "The lucky ones are healed by their childhood."

This shows that people with good intimate relationships are lucky and will be healed by these relationships all the time. This healing is also the greatest source of strength.

A good counseling relationship can also give us a sense of security and, more importantly, give us strength and trust.

A good counseling relationship is really beneficial to the whole counseling and treatment process. When we have a good relationship with our counselor, we trust them more and they can understand our issues better and help us find solutions.

And all relationships are between us and ourselves, so childhood and past experiences play a part.

I can definitely tell you that a good relationship is very important to us.

Hello, I'm Look.

In his book, The Capacity for Solitude, the British psychoanalyst Winnicott says that the capacity for solitude refers to authentic loneliness and originates from the experience of a relationship with another person in early childhood. This person not only maintains an appropriate distance, but also provides support for the self at times of need.

This sentence shows that our ability to be alone is shaped by our environment and other factors.

The foundation for developing the ability to be alone

The ability to be alone and the development of emotions can be traced back to infancy.

Winnicott says that in infancy and early childhood, a child can only develop the capacity for solitude if they have sustained, emotionally supportive contact with their mother or primary caregiver.

"I once had a good, stable relationship."

Winnicott's theory says that the above description by the questioner is valid, except that the foundation of this ability goes back to our infancy.

Awareness of one's own existence

The first level is where you start to think of yourself as an individual with your own thoughts and feelings.

The second level, "I am," is about growing as an individual. It's about being vulnerable and suspicious, and it can only happen in a loving and protective environment.

Level 3: "I am alone." This shows how babies need their mums to be around all the time. As they get older, they can learn to be independent.

Emotional development

The ability to be alone and emotional maturity begin to emerge through individual separation and self-awareness. Winnicott proposed in an article published in 1958 that "the ability to be alone is one of the important signs of emotional maturity."

Live calmly with a light heart.

The ability to be alone is about having a sense of belief and security, an internal sense of belief that "someone is there." This "someone" is initially "the mother."

If a child has a warm and loving parent-child relationship for a long time, it will help them to develop emotionally and become more independent.

I'm out of here! Take care!

If being alone is something you truly enjoy, then the solitude you need is a kind of happiness!

If you find yourself still suspicious of past relationships when you're on your own, it might be that your solitude is just a way of escaping.

If you're feeling angry at yourself for not getting the support and understanding you needed in your previous relationships, and instead blaming others, it's okay. You're not alone. This is a kind of loss, and you're allowed to feel it.

If you think that being alone is just about pleasing others and taking care of others based on their value, but you doubt the feeling of being alone, don't worry! All you need is the affirmation of others!

It's totally normal to need a bit of affirmation from others. Family therapy or personal growth counseling can help you understand yourself better. This is a great way to find out whether solitude is what you need. We all have attachment issues from the early parenting or nurturing of our parents or caregivers. These patterns affect our growth. We also have needs formed in attachment. These needs help us differentiate ourselves in relationships and from different perspectives. We can also appreciate and praise ourselves. We can form cooperation and win-win situations in relationships. We can also hold onto our own gift of meaning in life. Solitude can be a great thing. It can make you feel rich. You can also form the power of cooperation and love with the world, every relationship, and yourself. You can even understand the positive and negative significance of the failures you've seen in your relationships. Accepting and loving yourself can be a great way to find happiness. Solitude can be the most sincere happiness for yourself and the world!

Dear question owner,

I wonder if, when we have had a good and stable relationship (such as parent-child or counseling), we may be able to develop the ability to be alone. Could it be that even if everyone in his life denies him and he may be depressed, he may still be able to find light in his heart and live calmly?

A stable relationship has the potential to bring inner fulfillment to the body and mind.

When we have a stable relationship, we may find ourselves more willing to accept others and ourselves. This could be seen as a sense of security. Once we have a sense of security, we may feel less anxious about the future. Many of us long for someone to truly love and appreciate us.

The process of being seen and accepted can be very healing. There is a saying that if you have never been loved, it can be challenging to love others. If we grow up in a loving family from an early age, where our parents, friends, and lovers all love us very much, it can be easier to find a sense of fulfillment within.

It is a willingness to accept the world as it is.

When someone ignores us, we tend to shift our focus to others, which can bring a renewed sense of joy to our lives. A stable relationship can offer such benefits.

While it is true that "man is born alone," it is also important to recognize the value of human connection and the benefits that can arise from it. The essence of relationships is to find oneself, or to know oneself better. Even though challenges can arise in relationships, they often have a way of bringing about positive changes and growth.

Spiritual satisfaction is not determined by material wealth alone. In the case of someone struggling with a serious illness or psychological trauma, it is possible that their condition may improve if they have the support of a loved one who is willing to accept their imperfections, even if the process is slow.

I respectfully agree with the original poster that even if one is rejected, there is a tendency to believe that one is loved. Similarly, even if one is criticized by others, there is the capacity to heal oneself. A person's energy field serves as the foundation for establishing connections with others in society.

It may be said that the parent-child relationship, the counseling relationship, etc., mentioned in the title are actually the parts that we long for deeply.

As the song suggests, if we all strive to give a little love, the world might become a better place.

I believe that the ability to be alone allows us to face loneliness with resilience and maintain a positive outlook on life.

I am also looking forward to the part mentioned by the original poster and would like to hope that we can all meet someone who loves us very much and have a comfortable relationship.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you all. I realise that I am long overdue for this, but I hope you will accept my apologies. I would also like to express my gratitude to Psychology World and I Love You ❤️☀ for their support.

Hello.

Your question is a bit like answering your own question. You mentioned the parent-child relationship and the counseling relationship, but not the intimate relationship. You said, "Even if I am rejected by everyone in this life," but I can still have light in my heart and live calmly.

I don't know your age or what you've been through, but I can only feel a faint sense of sadness and helplessness. It's clear to me that your hope for salvation in this life hinges on this "stable and good enough relationship."

A stable and ongoing counseling relationship is the most powerful support for transformation. A person who has been "denied by everyone their whole life" can establish self-acceptance and acceptance with the help of the counselor's honest feedback. However, if you rely too much on the relationship and expect too much from it to meet your needs for recognition, acceptance, approval, and praise, you will continue to be disappointed. High expectations and disappointment in reality will lead to a second trauma.

"Growing up is ultimately your own business."

I remember reading that when a chick is inside an egg, if it is cracked from the outside, it is food, but if it pecks its way out from the inside, it is growth. Relationships are a mirror. A good relationship is a good mirror, and a bad relationship is also a good mirror. It reflects the way we see ourselves and the way we allow (or invite) others to treat us. We constantly discover the real self in relationships and make adjustments constantly. This is the true meaning of relationships.

A stable and good relationship provides strong support. I think of a famous Zen saying: "When you are lost, your teacher will guide you; when you have attained enlightenment, you will guide yourself." At a certain point, you must develop the ability to accept and identify yourself.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I am here to help you. When you feel desperate, lonely, and helpless, remember to come to this platform, 1psych. The world and I love you. I will help you overcome your loneliness and helplessness.

The questioner, "The present is good! Be grateful to have met."

This is a really deep question! It seems like you've thought about it a lot and have a good understanding of relationships and solitude. My answer is that if you take care of yourself, your relationships with others will naturally be good too.

Some external relationships can also be really helpful for developing the ability to be alone.

If you can be alone with yourself, enjoy being alone, and feel internally rich and stable, then you're doing great! It means your internal psychological needs are being met, and your external world won't be able to influence you as easily. Even if you encounter something, you can respond positively and also nourish the people around you.

It's true that it takes a long time to develop this ability. Just like maturity, it's something that happens step by step through many immature experiences. And of course, it's not a destination, but the result of accumulation.

This amazing ability allows us to view ourselves and problems at any time from the perspective of a bystander, a third party, or even from the perspective of a larger system. It's something that can't be achieved overnight, but it's so worth the wait!

"Life is a training ground," and it's so important for us to be aware of our thoughts and emotions so we can keep growing and improving ourselves.

So, having a good and stable relationship is not enough to help us achieve the ability to accept ourselves when we are alone. Life is full of all kinds of things and experiences, as well as various unexpected social backgrounds and unexpected events, which can give us insight into our inner world and help us see our inner lack and abundance.

So having a good relationship is not enough to help us mature, sweetie.

Take your time, give yourself a break, and don't worry if you make mistakes along the way. It's all part of the learning process! You'll get there, I'm sure.

I wish you all the very best!

Good day, question asker.

After a thorough examination of the inquiry, a concise summary and analysis of the key points have been presented with the intention of providing a constructive contribution to the discussion.

The first viewpoint posits that intimacy is a precursor to the capacity to be alone.

There is no definitive correlation between intimacy and the capacity to be alone. However, a stable intimate relationship can significantly enhance an individual's ability to be alone. When a person has an intimate relationship, their inner spiritual world becomes more complex, and they gain greater inner strength to overcome the challenges and setbacks encountered when being alone.

A stable intimate relationship allows individuals to seek external assistance, safely express their inner thoughts, and have a positive impact on others.

Nevertheless, an individual with limited capacity for solitude is likely to experience challenges in their intimate relationships. The objective is to identify and cultivate one's own intimate relationships.

View 2: The capacity to be alone enables an individual to maintain a sense of inner lightness and well-being even in the face of rejection and depression.

The question of what constitutes the ability to be alone is a pertinent one, and it is to this that I would like to direct my attention.

The ability to be alone can be defined as the capacity to select and execute actions in solitude, as well as to regulate one's internal state. These abilities are contingent upon a number of factors.

For example, determining the appropriate course of action requires a clear understanding of one's values, goals, and motivations. Selecting an appropriate method requires knowledge of the available techniques. Managing one's state necessitates a certain degree of self-awareness and understanding.

The ability to be alone will enable me to live a good life, regardless of whether I am rejected by others or experience fluctuations in my emotional state. This assertion is contradictory.

An individual who is adept at solitude is indicative of a rich inner spiritual world. This quality often leads to recognition and the alleviation of depressive symptoms. Instead of focusing on these "negative bugs," it is possible to maintain a positive quality of life. Therefore, if one desires a resilient heart that is "unperturbed by storms," it is essential to prioritize addressing the underlying issues that contribute to these negative behaviors, rather than solely focusing on the ability to be alone.

The genesis of real-life problems may be attributed to a multitude of factors, including self-control, social skills, familial dynamics, the workplace, or a combination thereof. To effectively address these issues, it is essential to undertake a comprehensive analysis of one's own behavior, identify the underlying cause, and implement appropriate corrective measures.

Hello! It seems you're interested in the impact of a stable relationship on a person, or perhaps you're seeking ways to gain mental freedom from external influences. I appreciate your question and would be happy to share my thoughts with you.

I am a psychology enthusiast who promotes humanism, and I have just recently been reading some books on humanistic psychology. I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss your question from the perspective of my reading experience.

A personality that is both healthy and growing

You say that even if you are rejected by everyone and feel depressed, you can still have light in your heart and live calmly. This may be your ideal state of life, which could be seen as coinciding with the healthy personality advocated by the humanistic master Rogers.

Rogers believes that a healthy and growing personality should have an open attitude, a sincere character, and pursue the integrity of life. Such a person is likely to be self-aware of life and life's challenges, and may be able to take the initiative to make choices and take responsibility for their choices.

They are able to have their own experiences and form their own moral judgments about things, and are not inclined to blindly follow external authorities. They are capable of caring for others with passion, of constantly establishing close relationships with a common purpose, and of maintaining a sense of closeness with nature.

Such people tend to place less value on material gains and are less likely to pursue material pleasures such as money and status. Instead, they often admire people who are spiritually rich, seek inner peace in life, and can experience the unity and harmony of the universe.

I would like to suggest that the significance of stable and good relationships is worthy of our attention.

Rogers believes that achieving a healthy personality is an innate inner tendency that everyone has. He suggests that, with the right external conditions, people can strive to pursue their inner goals.

Rogers made the following observation about the external environment: "Realizing one's potential is a natural process. As long as it is not restricted by the environment, for example a lack of positive attention from parents, children will naturally develop into fully functional individuals."

In general, from the moment a baby is born, the mother's attention, companionship, and love act as a mirror, through which the child sees itself in the mother's eyes and feels its own existence through the mother's caresses and interactions. This sense of existence could be said to be the foundation of personality formation.

As babies grow up, they gradually begin to experience separation. This could be seen as the process of leaving the mother's womb and realizing that the mother is a different person.

When a child goes to school, it marks a transition from the familiar environment of home. Similarly, when a child grows up and leaves home for good, whether to study, work, or eventually start a family of their own, it represents another significant separation.

It could be said that separation is an inevitable aspect of life. Without it, there would be no opportunity for growth.

If a child receives enough love and attention and enjoys quality companionship and care, the process of separation may allow the child to gradually get to know themselves and experience their own growth, so that they can confidently and safely explore the outside world. Such a separation could potentially allow the relationship to remain close, while also allowing for the child's personalities to remain independent.

For children who may not receive sufficient love and attention, separation can result in feelings of loneliness and a sense of being abandoned. Due to a lack of security, the child may experience psychological trauma, which can manifest in various ways, including an over-reliance on parents and family, making it challenging for them to become independent, or a reluctance to maintain contact with their family.

I agree with you that stable and good relationships nourish the heart and have a positive effect on growth.

It would be beneficial to experience faster and better self-growth.

A stable and good parent-child relationship can indeed bring nourishment and a sense of security to a person's heart. Those who are fortunate enough to have such a relationship are indeed very lucky.

However, it is important to remember that the kind of family a child is born into and the kind of parents they have are often beyond our control. Many children are unable to grow up in a good and stable parent-child relationship due to the limitations of their parents, and this can have a significant impact on their lives.

If you are aware of this pain and are interested in healing and change, seeking the help of a counselor may be a beneficial step.

Psychological counseling can assist the client in identifying the nature of the problem, negotiating solutions to the problem, relieving tension, and also helping the client improve their cognitive level, balance their state of mind, enhance their self-confidence, and develop and improve their personality.

A good counseling relationship can help the client feel accepted, respected, and included. It can also provide guidance that enables the client to gain self-awareness and self-understanding, which can in turn help them to understand and recognize themselves more clearly. This can then provide a path for personal growth.

A good counseling relationship can help clients feel like they have grown up again. It can also help them overcome feelings of loneliness and helplessness, which may have been caused by a lack of support or criticism.

For those who have not been fortunate enough to enjoy a positive and stable parent-child relationship, psychological counseling can provide an opportunity to address any unmet needs and facilitate personal growth.

I hope my understanding of your question is helpful. I am Teng Ying, a psychological counselor at Yixinli.

Hello! I can tell from your description that you have some expectations. I'm a psychotherapist, so I'd like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

From what you've said, it seems like you're looking for an idealized object relationship and a secure attachment relationship. This should help you develop in a stable way and give you the strength to deal with conflicts between your id and superego. This should help you reach the highest level of Maslow's needs theory and feel good about yourself!

1. Parent-child relationship, secure attachment. When a baby is fully attended to by its mother from birth to one year old, it will feel satisfied with its omnipotent narcissism. The earlier the mother's full attention satisfies the baby, the more sound the baby's personality traits will be! There will be a stage of satisfaction and loss in the life cycle, so it's important to have a good enough mother in the parent-child relationship.

2. Partner relationship: If you don't have a good mother, you can still find a good partner and build a secure attachment relationship with them. You can also work on an insecure attachment relationship with the help of a partner. There are three main types of attachment: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. How can you adjust these?

3. The counseling relationship: In a safe and stable counseling relationship, the inner little self, with its powerlessness, inferiority, and vulnerability, can be nurtured and affirmed through the companionship, support, and understanding of professional knowledge.

This all takes time and requires evaluation. With a certain level of cognitive ability at the mentalization level and reality testing level (career and work, love and sex, social relationships and creativity), and above the neurotic level, we can achieve the goals we need!

You have your needs, and there's plenty of motivation in psychoanalytic therapy. You can discuss them with your therapist, set goals together, and learn, immerse yourself, gain experience, and feel your way through things. Become the real self you want to be, and be more flexible in adapting to external environments and relationships.

The world and I love you. You should love yourself too. Come on!

I largely concur with your perspective.

Some related theories include object constancy, separation-individuation, depressive position, triadic relationship, and Oedipus level. These theories describe the satisfaction and trials between individuals and relationships, thereby developing the ability to be independent and integrated. This process creates an "I" and what I will do.

If you are interested in learning more about this theory, you can explore it further. There are also many people who can provide additional insights and explanations. The concept of "a good enough relationship" is similar to what Winnicott said about "a good enough mother." He also made the observation that "there is no such thing as a baby."

It is possible that these theories may require a great deal of space and experience to fully comprehend. It is also likely that each individual will have their own unique internal description and understanding of them.

I would like to propose a simple analogy of circles. After being born, the primitive tribe's human baby, based on the instinctive impulse of life and death and the need for self-control, may imagine that he is an omniscient being. For example, he may conjure up a breast or a warm embrace out of thin air (because that is the only way he can explain the world), or imagine that all hunger or pain is the result of a "bad, evil (if he can understand that word)" thing persecuting him from time to time. This could be seen as the first circle, with the human baby's self at the center. After a while, the human baby may discover that the breast and embrace actually belong to another person – his human mother – and that this human mother is actually out of his control and not his own. So the human baby may feel both afraid of the human mother's great power and longing for her care. The human baby may then feel a longing to never be separated from the human mother, which could be seen as the second circle, with the human baby and human mother connected together at the center.

At some point, the human infant may come to understand that there are other individuals in the world who are as close as a human father and mother, and that the infant itself may be excluded from this intimate bond. This realization may prompt the infant to seek out another individual with whom it can form a similar connection. This is the third circle, which is centered on the human infant's independence and the beginning of its search.

I would like to propose that we consider a third circle. It is possible that the human baby will become independent and may obtain enough energy and love from the human mother and human father to possibly leave the primitive tribe and move towards the civilized world outside. This could be seen as a loss of the primitive tribal life and relationships of the past. It may also be a loss of the sense of omnipotence in the first circle and a realization of its own limitations and vulnerability. It could also be seen as a loss of the second circle's sense of attachment and togetherness, and a realization of the "I" that is both free and lonely. It could be seen as a gain of the possibility of exploring a new world.

I believe that when a person becomes truly independent, they may find themselves experiencing feelings of loneliness and sadness. Perhaps you can imagine it like this: one day you discover that you are actually an amnesiac alien living on Earth. You will feel strongly different from other people and know that another world exists. You may choose to explore the alien world or continue to stay on Earth, but you will perceive love and relationships differently.

It might be said that even those who have what might be considered "good enough relationships" or who are truly independent still have their vulnerabilities. It could be likened to a small gear wheel that has been disconnected from a mechanical watch ⚙️. It no longer turns passively, but has learned to run on its own.

Child shoes:

You are correct in your understanding.

People often see sociability as an ability, but they ignore the fact that solitude is also an ability. In fact, it is even more important than sociability. If being unsociable is a character weakness, then being intolerant of solitude is simply a spiritual defect.

From a psychological standpoint, solitude is essential for integrating new experiences. Integration is the process of placing new experiences in the appropriate location within the internal memory.

Integration is the only way external impressions can be digested by the self and the self can become an independent and growing system. The ability to be alone is directly related to whether a person can truly form a relatively self-sufficient inner world, which in turn affects their relationship with the outside world.

The love of solitude has nothing to do with a person's character. A person who loves solitude can be just as outgoing and friendly as anyone else, but they will always need solitude in their lives. To them, a life without interaction is a defect, but a life without solitude is a disaster.

Human beings are social creatures who need to interact with their peers, to love and be loved. Without this, they cannot survive. No one on earth can bear absolute solitude.

A person who can't stand being alone has an empty soul.

Some people are terrified of being alone. For them, leaving them alone for a moment is torture. They must find something to occupy themselves as soon as they have a moment to spare.

On the surface, their days are very lively, but in reality, they are extremely empty inside. They do everything in their power to avoid facing themselves.

I can only explain this by the fact that they sense their own poverty and know it is pointless to stay with such a poor self. Any pastime, however boring, is more interesting. The result is that they become increasingly poor and lose themselves more and more, creating a vicious circle.

Being alone is a test. It reveals the depth of a person's soul and their true feelings about themselves. It shows whether they are tired of themselves. Everyone must not be tired of themselves.

I am convinced that someone who does not even love himself is of little value to others and cannot have high-quality social interactions. When he goes to others, he is just a nuisance and an intrusion.

The quality of all relationships depends on the quality of the individuals involved. There is no doubt that truly moving love and friendship are only possible between two people whose souls are rich and full.

I am certain that history and real life do not provide an example to disprove my assertion and prove that even a shallow person can have such a wonderful experience.

A person needs both solitude and interaction. Solitude is more essential, however, because when one is alone, one is directly confronted with the entirety of the world and the source of all things.

Conversely, when we are in the company of others, we are only partially present and only present for a part of the process. In a crowd, there are only trivial matters of mortals, fleeting as the clouds, without God or eternity.

Solitude is temporal, while interaction is spatial.

We often talk to others about matters of business, the distribution of interests, arguments about right and wrong, the airing of grievances, public relations, socializing, the news, and so on. When we are alone, we sometimes talk to ourselves, examining the content, which is still none of the above. This means that in fact we are also talking to others, a rehearsal or continuation of talking to others.

It is extremely uncommon for us to engage in self-talk.

To talk to oneself, one must free the heart from worldly affairs and interpersonal relationships and return to oneself. This is an inner conversation.

Philosophy teaches people to examine the world from a fundamental perspective and reflect on life. It gives people the ability to lead an inner life.

Talking to oneself is a rare ability. Many people don't know what to say unless you let them talk about mundane matters.

He is concerned only with external matters, and as a result, he only possesses a language that is suitable for talking with others. Such a person certainly has nothing to say to himself.

Someone who has nothing to say to himself can't say anything interesting to others. Even if he talks about the big issues of the world, you still feel like you're listening to gossip because you can't find the core that connects everything as a whole or the spirit that illuminates everything.

Reading is a conversation with the great spirits of history. It allows us to appropriate the spiritual wealth created by mankind. Writing is a conversation with one's own soul. It transforms external life experiences into inner spiritual wealth.

Faith is a conversation with God in our hearts, through which we accumulate "heavenly wealth." These are the three indispensable conversations in life, and all three take place in solitude.

I require inner peace to receive and process external impressions with ease. This allows me to feel a sense of continuity and wholeness. When I am disturbed by external life, I break off and become fragmented, which prevents me from absorbing and digesting external impressions.

My name is Gu Yi, and I endeavor to conduct myself with humility and consistency.

An inner sense of abundance and stability can facilitate the discovery of a more optimal version of oneself.

From your brief description, I can understand how you feel. It seems plausible to suggest that perhaps in the past you did not have a stable relationship or receive sufficient affirmation. When we reflect on ourselves after such experiences, it is evident that a positive and contented state of mind affords us a more favourable state of mind.

At different stages of life, individuals encounter different people and form different relationships. Thus, if an individual has established a positive relationship during their growth period and currently enjoys a positive state of mind, including feelings of enjoyment, inner abundance, and optimism, it can be inferred that their ability to be alone is also satisfactory. The positive aspects of one's life are sufficient to elicit happiness.

A relationship that is merely adequate leaves a positive imprint on the heart, inspiring optimism about the future and a sense of general well-being. There is no inherent fault in the original poster's line of thinking; however, it is important to recognize that the fundamental law of development in the natural world is the pursuit of equilibrium amidst change.

It is advisable to adopt a developmental perspective when considering the matter in question.

The sun of yesterday may not dry today's laundry, but its presence can be discerned in the dried garments of the previous day. The beauty of the past will instill a sense of love within our hearts, and at this time, our affection for our endeavors will also facilitate our ability to be alone.

The criteria for evaluating an individual's capacity for solitude are multifaceted. One of the most effective methods for gauging this capacity is to ascertain whether the individual can genuinely derive pleasure from the entirety of the process of undertaking a task, without exhibiting excessive utilitarianism or harboring unduly elevated expectations. The individual is not unduly preoccupied with the potential gains or losses associated with the task at hand, and is able to maintain emotional stability.

It is inevitable that circumstances will change in one way or another. A positive relationship will provide guidance and support in navigating the future. When we feel warmth, we are more inclined to fully engage with life and work. The focus shifts from the outcome of giving and receiving to the act of giving and receiving itself. We accept ourselves and others, and with an open and peaceful mind, we can better accept all changes. As we progress, our ability to be alone will also improve, allowing us to fully embrace the happiness that comes with it.

Hello there, little whale!

Let me try to answer. Ha, let's discuss it together!

I think "stable and good" is a bit vague. What are some specific things that make a relationship good?

Let me give you an example. If you're looking for a supervisor for your child, just tell the training class that you want me to find a good teacher. Then people will ask you, "What kind of good teacher?"

Hey there! So, do you want a language tutor or a math tutor? And what grade level are you looking for?

Oh, you know, just a couple more things. Is it a male or female teacher? And is there an age requirement?

I'd love to know if you're looking to work in a public or private school, or if you're already a teacher at a private school. And I'd also love to know if you're looking for lots of experience or just a little bit.

So there are just so many conditioned reflexes, aren't there? It's really important to be specific.

From within yourself, according to what you truly want.

It's so important to be able to be alone sometimes. We humans are social animals, and we all need a little time to ourselves. Even if you don't go out and stay at home, you might still order takeout, right?

Oh, you still need to eat, don't you? And you still need to wear clothes, right?

Oh, and you also have to pay various property management fees, right? And you need to deal with people.

Or it's about being alone apart from loved ones, which our genes just don't allow. The genes of the Chinese people like to help each other, which is so lovely to see!

It can be tough to go it alone. Some studies even show that loneliness can speed up the aging process.

Life with your loved ones is full of ups and downs, but that's just how life goes! It's something that's been passed down from generation to generation.

It can be really tough to be rejected, so how can we handle it? It's okay to ignore the opinions of others. We don't need to live our lives based on what others say.

You know what you have to do? Turn problems into resources! And remember, the more you are rejected, the more you need to grow yourself.

It's so important to remember that security can never be given by others. The good news is that you can take control of your surroundings by strengthening your own resources, whether that's economic material resources or psychological strength.

And only then will you have a say. The only person you can really rely on in this world is yourself, my friend.

Even mountains collapse and parents grow old. So, what happens when you rely on a lover who is not related by blood?

I'm here to help you achieve a harmonious balance between mind and body, take good care of your mental health, eat a balanced diet, exercise appropriately, and prioritize a healthy and happy life.

Just a quick note to say that this is only my own opinion.

"Good morning.

I am Kelly Shui, engaged in introspective inquiry.

The topic of relationships is one that has persisted throughout history and continues to be a significant aspect of human experience. I personally find this topic to be of great interest.

"Does one possess the capacity to be alone if one has experienced a satisfactory relationship?"

"An investigation into the parent-child relationship within the family unit, examining the dynamics between parents and children."

A discourse was presented today on the subject of relationships and the culture of harmony between people.

In the context of traditional Chinese philosophy, the character for "man" is positioned on the left side of a diagram representing the relationship between heaven and earth. This suggests that, in the cosmic scheme of things, humans are of paramount importance.

As individuals, we are both interdependent and independent. One might posit that a good and stable relationship, such as that between parent and child or that which is fostered through counseling, could potentially facilitate the ability to be alone.

Let us consider the relationship between parents and children. My most profound impression is of Yang Jiang's father. He instilled in his children a sense of compassion and benevolence. He advised Yang Jiang, who aspired to pursue a career in law,

"There is no obligation to pursue academic excellence for my benefit. You are free to pursue your interests through reading and other activities, and there is no expectation of being the best in any field."

Mr. Yang Jiang selected the literary works that he found most appealing.

Additionally, Yang Jiang's father advised his children to pursue their interests after completing their education and to dedicate themselves to their work. He emphasized that personal belongings within the household were not the children's exclusive domain.

In the present era, a considerable number of parents adopt an educational approach that is characterized by the following expectations: their children should excel academically, gain admission to Tsinghua University, develop proficiency in music, and ultimately achieve financial success, preferably without exerting excessive effort.

If one were to choose a parent-child relationship, would it be possible to select one's parents? Which parent would one choose?

Mr. Yang Jiang's father instilled in his children the values of freedom, respect, and independence.

Many parents are ambivalent about their children's future. They want their children to succeed academically, to be healthy, and to excel in their chosen fields. However, they also worry about their children being bullied or facing other dangers in society.

Therefore, it is worthwhile to examine Mr. Yang Jiang's writings on relationships.

Yang Jiang:

"In the context of human relationships,

Regardless of the nature of the relationship in question,

In the absence of communication, there can be no continuity.

In the absence of contact, communication is impossible.

A relationship is defined as a connection between two or more individuals.

The act of maintaining contact facilitates the process of fostering closer connections between individuals.

A relationship is defined as a connection between two or more individuals.

Insufficient contact will result in a gradual deterioration of the relationship.

Furthermore, relationships may also experience a gradual divergence over time.

In essence, relationships are not about one person alone.

"It is therefore necessary to work together in order to protect it."

"And to safeguard the relationship together."

...

This passage indicates that relationships are formed between individuals and that they are mutually beneficial. Similarly, Yang Jiang's father demonstrated clear improvement in his children, which suggests that children should pursue activities they enjoy and maintain their independence.

As a result, Mr. Yang Jiang's own marriage also experienced periods of conflict. However, they were able to maintain a mutual understanding and tolerance, ultimately leading to a harmonious and inspiring marital relationship.

This is why the adage exists that it is more beneficial to instruct someone in a task than to simply provide them with the necessary resources to complete it independently.

Yang Jiang's father's foresight and breadth of mind were also related to his good education. This is evidenced by Yang Jiang's mention of her parents' relationship in the article "Recollections of My Father."

She stated, "My parents appeared to be long-standing friends, engaging in extensive discourse on a myriad of topics spanning their past and present experiences, including themselves, their relatives, and their acquaintances. Their conversations encompassed a diverse range of subjects, from the amusing to the contentious, evoking the image of a vast and intricate river."

This approach to relationships also had a significant impact on Yang Jiang's marriage.

Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu were regarded as an exemplary couple.

They were similarly gifted and shared a multitude of interests. They also possessed a common language of life and were able to appreciate each other.

It can be reasonably deduced that a favorable family environment, parental affection, a shared cultural heritage, an emphasis on education, and parents who are benevolent, altruistic, and self-sacrificing are conducive to the formation of optimal relationships.

Yang Jiang's parents provided their children with instruction regarding a range of topics, including the world, their dignity, independence, love, tolerance, appreciation, support, and other related matters.

[Building a Relationship]

You referenced the consulting relationship, which is distinct from the parent-child relationship. In the context of a consulting relationship, the concept of boundaries is particularly salient.

Yoshihiko Nishizawa once posited that

The typical interpersonal relationship is characterized by a certain degree of distance between individuals.

Regardless of the proximity of the relationship, it is imperative to respect the individuality of the other party.

Indeed, in interpersonal relationships, it is essential for adults to possess the ability to maintain a sense of propriety and a clear understanding of boundaries.

If we accept the premise that the majority of individuals are not as fortunate as Mr. Yang Jiang, and that their experiences mirror those of Lin Huiyin, Eileen Chang, and Li Shutong, we can conclude that these individuals exemplify the negative consequences of poor parent-child relationships.

The advent of psychology as a discipline and the emergence of the profession of counselor have brought psychological counseling to the forefront of our generation's experience. A beneficial counselor-client relationship can facilitate positive changes in an individual's personality, self-perception, and outlook on life, providing invaluable support during challenging periods.

For example, some educators have become significant influences in their students' lives. One such individual is Ms. Zhang Guimei, a music teacher who has been described as having a "love for teaching." A good teacher helps students find that part of themselves.

Similarly, Yang Jiang's father encouraged her to engage with literature that resonated with her, allowing her a great deal of autonomy.

The counselor, teacher, and parent-child relationship are distinguished by the understanding that each party possesses unique and distinct boundaries.

The two concepts are interdependent and independent of each other.

It is important to encourage others to be themselves and to strive to become the best version of themselves.

In "The Three of Us," Yang Jiang is depicted as an individual with a clear sense of boundaries. Despite the turbulence of the external world, she maintains a tranquil inner peace, free from the disturbances and conflicts that often arise in the human experience.

It is precisely because she has a sense of boundaries that she is able to navigate the complexities of love, family relationships, and friendships with a high degree of competence and effectiveness.

An individual's independence entails the capacity for self-reliance and the exercise of independent abilities. In the case of Yang Jiang, the loss of her family did not impede her ability to pursue a fulfilling life, as evidenced by her pursuit of meaningful and valuable endeavors.

A counselor, trained in the requisite professional skills, can serve as a guiding light in our lives.

The theory of relationships posits that individuals are born as a process of seeking to resume interdependent relationships, wherein the self is also born in this mutual relationship.

The relationship between the counselor and the client is one that is based on the principles of therapeutic practice.

Mr. Tong Jun stated,

The counselor combats his loneliness with his own robust determination, and discovers the purpose of life in the process of assisting individuals who are similarly isolated, attuning instead of disregarding the afflictions of all living beings.

Getting Closer Every Day is a book by the existential psychologist Irwin Yalom, which details his visits with clients.

In numerous instances, the emotional distress of the client is alleviated, their feelings of solitude are validated, and their appreciation for aesthetic beauty is cultivated.

In the absence of such recognition, the individual in the relationship may experience a profound connection with the other person.

It is not that Owen Yaron sees the visitor; rather, the visitor, through Owen Yaron's eyes, sees the self that needs praise, longs for comfort and care, and understands.

This perception of being observed and acknowledged is a crucial factor in the process of healing.

It can be argued that a positive relationship is beneficial for one's mental health. Many individuals, similar to the individual in question, may have experienced rejection from those in their lives. However, a counselor can provide affirmation, encouragement, and support to these individuals, provided that they are willing to open up and allow the counselor to see them. Even if the individual is experiencing depression, they may still possess a sense of inner light.

The wound is the portal through which the light enters the soul.

"The wound is the portal through which the light enters."

— Rumi

As we mature in our relationships, we gain the capacity to face challenges with courage, strength, and resilience. We also develop the ability to recognize and accept our shortcomings and suffering with honesty. This enables us to navigate life's complexities with greater understanding and equanimity.

Hello, my name is Zeyu, and I'm happy to be here!

"When we have had a good and stable relationship (such as parent-child or counseling), we may be able to have the ability to be alone." Absolutely! In some cases, when we have a good and stable relationship, we can cultivate and learn the ability to be alone.

The "counseling" mentioned by the host is great for helping with this. But remember, a relationship is a duet, not a solo. The root of independence is whether we're willing to do our part and face the life issue of "being alone." Counseling can help us build and strengthen this ability. If we don't want to or if our goal isn't to become independent, it might be tough to keep going.

On a brighter note, a good parent-child relationship can also help us develop this ability. Unfortunately, some people in our lives have relationship problems. In this regard, Adler once said something really interesting: "The lucky ones are healed by their childhoods, while the unfortunate ones spend their lives healing their childhoods." I think this is so true! I would like to emphasize the lack of stable and good relationships.

It's okay if we don't have good, stable relationships. It doesn't mean we can't be alone. When we know we can't rely on other people, we can rely on ourselves. We can learn to be alone, either by force or by choice. This ability to "be alone" might have some flaws, but it's something we can do. We can also learn to be alone through learning, but it might take a while.

"Even if he's rejected by everyone and feeling depressed, can he still find a way to keep a light in his heart and live calmly?" It really depends on what he's been through and what he's learned along the way. If he's learned to find the courage within to keep going, then he can absolutely live with a light in his heart and a calm spirit. But, we all have limits to our courage. If something happens that's too much to handle, it's easy to fall into a spiral of negative emotions.

If he's unable to find a way to solve his problems or if all his previous methods fail, he might find himself slipping into depression. In this case, it's really important for him to seek psychological counseling or other help. This will help him see more possibilities to get out of his current situation, gain some much-needed growth, and find hope again.

And finally, when it comes to the question of whether you can learn to be alone after having experienced a good relationship, my answer is both yes and no.

I'd like to offer the original poster a gesture of support and understanding in the form of a 360° hug.

From what you've shared, I can sense a certain level of confusion, uncertainty, and conflict. It seems like you're grappling with feelings of rejection and longing for a sense of calm and inner peace.

I'm not sure why you asked that question. I don't know much about your life or what you've been through.

I'm not sure if you've had the chance to interact with many people who have a negative outlook.

I sense that you are awaiting a response, a confirmation of your perspective. I believe that positive relationships, such as those within a family or in counseling, can foster the capacity to be alone. Even in the face of rejection and feelings of depression, one can still find a sense of inner peace and live with a sense of calm.

It is often thought that if you have not had a good enough relationship, you may find it difficult to be alone. Similarly, if you have been rejected by many people, you may feel depressed and unable to live a calm life with light in your heart.

It would seem that parent-child relationships and the original family have a significant impact on our lives. When we are children, the more stable the parent-child relationship, the more we feel secure. Indeed, it can shape our entire lives with a sense of security. It helps us feel the love of the world for us, so that we can explore the outside world with confidence.

It is important to note that this does not imply that individuals without a stable parent-child relationship are unable to feel secure. Given the opportunities that life presents, there are many avenues that can facilitate healing and growth.

For instance, an encounter with a counselor may sometimes assist in organizing one's thoughts through dialogue, enabling self-help, and stimulating the driving force of life.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you already have the driving force of life within you. It may just be that for some reason the springhead is blocked or blocked up. Once it's cleaned up, sweet spring water will bubble up from the springhead.

I believe that everyone has their own source of motivation in life, and everyone is like a clear spring that flows unceasingly.

I would like to discuss the ability to be alone.

I believe this should be an innate ability of human beings. When the noise of the outside world has passed, and you have calmed down, you are left alone in the world with only yourself. You can hear your heartbeat, feel your breathing, and sense the excitement of your thoughts. You don't need to judge or deny yourself, and you can't deceive yourself. Just quietly, you become aware of your emotions and feelings; you savor your anger, think about why you are angry, and focus on yourself. You may slowly discover many things that you could never notice before.

I recall that two years ago, I was studying with a teacher who suggested that we spend ten minutes a day in contact with nature. This involved sitting by a big tree or a small river, maintaining a comfortable sitting position, closing our eyes, and quietly listening to the wind and all the sounds around us. The idea was to leave aside the complicated trivial matters in our minds and simply feel around us, calming our hearts. Initially, I could only last for five minutes. As soon as I sat down, I felt uncomfortable. However, over time, I found that I could last a little longer. This practice gave me a feeling of purifying and cleansing the mind, which was very comfortable and relaxing.

Perhaps we could discuss the topic of rejection?

The top and bottom lips opened and closed, and the words came out. However, it was quite simple to repeat.

Over the years, when I have had the opportunity to spend time with my mother-in-law and my children, I have often observed that people can sometimes become focused on their own perspectives and assumptions. They may perceive a situation or interaction in a particular way, assuming that things are a certain way when in fact they may not be at all.

For instance, a short video that recently gained considerable attention depicted a child who was initially struggling to warm up to a text while reciting it at home. Despite the child's best efforts and repeated attempts, he encountered a few challenges, including memory issues and the omission of certain words. Upon realizing that no one was at home, the child took a moment to compose himself before resuming his reading and reciting.

After persevering, he finally completed the recital.

If parents only saw him spend such a long time reciting a single text, they might think he was wasting time and not trying hard enough. However, if you watch the full video, you can see that the child was actually trying his best the whole time.

It is often easiest to stand in our own shoes and judge others. However, this can also be a lack of reflection. Therefore, it is important not to let the fact that others judge you get to you. If they do, it may be helpful to focus on improving yourself. This is because they may only see a fragment, a scene, or an ending.

It is possible that only the person involved is aware of the truth of the situation.

Recently, there have been frequent discussions on platforms about topics like: Have you reconciled with your own family of origin? Marriage has become challenging, and you may be wondering whether you should continue or end it.

A glimpse through a tube shows a speck. This suggests that a stable parent-child relationship may be beneficial in navigating life's challenges. It is important to be able to reconcile with oneself when faced with difficulties. Having a sense of inner calm and resilience can help in such moments.

The above ideas are for reference only and are intended to stimulate discussion. It is my hope that you will soon find light in your heart and live life with equanimity.