Hello, I'm Jiang.
Thank you for telling us about your confusion. I understand how hard it is to get out of it.
You ask: I feel unable to face myself. Maybe there are too many problems, or maybe it's something else.
You have overcome depression and are undergoing growth counseling. I'm happy for you and give you a thumbs up for your efforts and results. You are determined and brave in facing your problems.
You can't face the real you now, and there may be unfinished business buried in your heart. You're doing growth counseling, which shows you've been making progress.
Let's analyze how to move on together.
1. Growing up is hard.
1. Personality
I've been confused about many things since I can remember. These confusions have affected me deeply.
I don't understand personal growth, life, or work. I'm not good at social skills. I get caught up in things that aren't problems.
There is also a gap with others at work, etc. They are unable to engage in the real present.
From what you said, I can tell you're a sensitive person.
Thoughtful and sensitive.
You are confused because you think a lot. When something happens, you connect it to your real self.
You're sensitive to people and things.
You love to compare.
You compare yourself with others, the past, the present, and the future.
Personality
Overall impression: You have a depressive personality.
Depressive people often display the following characteristics:
Thoughtful, sensitive, idealistic, and pursues truth, goodness, and beauty.
Strengths: sensitive, loyal, talented, insightful
Weaknesses: being too critical, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.
2. Sort it out
These confusions mainly involve worries and anxieties, which can be divided into three areas:
Self-growth
You worry that you've lost too much time and can't catch up with your peers. You're anxious about what others say about you.
Your concern about other people's opinions makes it hard for you to be yourself.
Interpersonal relationships
You worry that you don't know how to get along with people and that you will be criticized. When others say there are still problems, you think they are reminding you that you haven't done well.
Your idealism and sense of truth, goodness, and beauty make you think you need to be perfect and do everything right. This also makes you anxious about how to do it all in time.
You focus on what others say instead of your current situation. You pressure yourself and don't accept your current imperfection.
Your life revolves around other people. You live in their minds, not your own.
Ability to work
At work, you compare yourself to others, making yourself feel worse. You worry that you are not as good as others. You cannot admit that you are weaker than others.
3. Fixations
Let's look at the problems in your reality.
The fear in your subconscious
You can't let go of the past, the future, and your love of comparison because you're still afraid of them. So, you choose to escape, and your perfectionism makes you unwilling to admit that you're inferior to others.
But comparing yourself makes you afraid of the past, the future, and other people. You can't stay in the present.
Escape from reality
You can't go back to reality. If you accept reality, it will make you feel painful. When you go back to the past or compare yourself with others, it can distract you from the pain of the present. You imply to yourself that it is the result of comparison. You are looking for a reasonable explanation for your own pain.
If you live in the present fully, you'll feel depressed, ashamed, and lost. You'll care about other people's opinions and put pressure on yourself.
A deeper exploration revealed that the fear was caused by a deeper subconscious problem. Staying in the present means staying with the fear of your inner child. You want to find another excuse to escape.
This is my reason for comparison, and I am still in pain.
Others matter more than me.
People who compare themselves to others are either confident or not. The latter group is not confident and thinks other people are more important.
Feelings come from what others say and think, not from you.
The only way to change is to face your true self.
The counselor said it was because I couldn't face my true self. I knew this too. I was also told some methods. (I can sense my feelings, and I don't want to face my true self.)
The counselor was right. It's normal to have these thoughts even though you're in counseling. It shows you still have unresolved issues.
When you touch a hot pan, do you put your hand there or pull it back? It's the same with reality. If you don't admit it, it blocks you. It tells you to stop worrying and reminds you that someone is sick.
You have to acknowledge your discomfort and move it out of the way to resolve it. This is the only way to complete your transformation.
Many people have also done similar mindfulness training. The aim is to calm our minds, let go of distracting thoughts, and unite body and mind in the present moment.
Many people find it hard to calm down and deal with their problems because they have too many regrets and want to change too many things.
Haste makes waste. The more you want to understand things quickly, the more you will often get the opposite of what you want.
Your spiritual practice will take time. Be prepared mentally and patiently work through problems one by one.
3. The road to growth
You say, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to be miserable. What should I do to break this deadlock?"
Let yourself devote yourself to life. You said you'd do things, but you got caught up in negative things. You said you'd stick to things, but life changes a lot.
You don't know what to do and don't want to suffer. I understand your anxiety, especially when you feel something is insurmountable.
Your anxiety comes from making big promises you can't keep. You feel like you're regressing when you have setbacks.
You haven't considered that things change and you can't complete the plan on time. This makes you feel ashamed and blame yourself. Behind this is a series of self-blame and remorse, such as thinking you are imperfect and ruined.
This is how you should think as you grow.
Be present and match knowledge with action. You can't do that now because you still need to remove past obstacles on the path to growth.
Methods:
1. Adjust expectations.
Do one thing at a time.
Don't aim too high. Adjust your plan and set goals in stages.
Allow more time.
Do one thing at a time.
If you can't finish a plan, wait.
Accept yourself.
You have realized that things change. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Let yourself relax, repeat yourself, and accept yourself.
If you can think this way, you have accepted yourself.
Believe in yourself and review regularly.
Look back to see what you've done, how far you've come, and give yourself a boost. Believe you can do the next thing.
3. Don't compare yourself to others.
Keep your eyes on your own business and thank others for their reminders. Then tell yourself:
I can't do it right now. What's important is finishing what I planned to do. I just have to be myself.
4. Find the inner child.
It's not easy to find the inner child, but you have to keep trying. Follow the teacher's steps to find the inner child. When the inner child jumps out, greet him and say,
We have met. Thank you for the practice.
I see you. I need to get rid of what I still care about.
It's okay if you don't want to leave yet. I can wait a little while.
5. Talk to yourself.
Meditate and talk to your inner self. When thoughts come up, say "I see" in your heart.
I see.
Let them flow naturally. Don't judge or reject them. Just tell yourself, "I see." Consciousness will evoke more memories for you, allowing you to see your past self. You may cry, shout, or scream. Let it happen. Then say softly to yourself,
Thank you. I love you.
When you talk to yourself, feel the feelings you have in the moment. "I see" means accepting your feelings and thinking about your inner child.
You will become more confident and able to be yourself.
That's all the advice I have. Thanks for trusting me!
Good luck!
Comments
I can relate to feeling overwhelmed by past struggles and uncertainties. It sounds like a tough journey, but acknowledging your true self is a significant step. Maybe start with small, manageable goals that don't trigger the overwhelming feelings. Embrace the progress, no matter how minor.
It's commendable you've recognized the areas where you struggle. Sometimes, shifting focus to what you can control might help. Try surrounding yourself with supportive people and activities that bring joy. This could gradually ease you into facing bigger challenges.
I admire your courage in seeking help and being open about your struggles. It's okay to feel lost sometimes. Perhaps setting aside time for mindfulness or meditation could aid in staying present. These practices might help untangle some of the confusion and provide clarity.
You're not alone in this fight. It's good you have awareness of what affects you. Have you considered celebrating even the tiniest achievements? Building on these can foster confidence. Also, speaking affirmations daily might shift your mindset over time.
Your willingness to grow shows strength. Facing one's self can be painful, but it's part of healing. Could you explore creative outlets as a way to express your feelings? Writing, art, or music can serve as therapeutic tools to better connect with yourself and enjoy life more fully.