Hello, question asker! You asked, "It feels really hard when your best friend or close friend ignores you and goes through life alone, happy or sad.
First, give yourself a big pat on the back for noticing your inner feelings! Awareness is the first step to making a change. Let's dive right in and take a look at your question together!
You have four or five amazing best friends! You all get along really well and communicate online because you're studying in different places. Everyone has a different personality, but you feel that they don't really care about you. Most of the time, you initiate the conversations, and if you don't, you won't hear from them for weeks.
Online communication has made chatting feel dull and insipid. They send you messages and you will chat with them actively, but sometimes you send a message and they don't read it and reply, so you joke about it a few times and just let it go. When you chat, you talk about your things, but she just skips it and starts talking about her things directly.
When you're feeling down or unwell, you tell your best friend how you feel, but she doesn't really care. It's as if she's on her own, except for the greetings from her family, from falling ill to recovering. When she is unwell, she tells you how miserable she is, and you tell her how to take the medicine and how to get better quickly.
You always send them red envelopes on their birthdays, and it's so exciting to see their reactions! Some of them remember, some are slow to respond, and some forget, but that's okay! You feel a little sad, but you don't expect them to feel the same way. However, such conversations have become a bit cold, and this has been the case for many years. In the past, you were not easily affected by emotions and felt fine, but perhaps the older you get, the more sensitive you become, which is a wonderful thing!
You're great at handling your own joys and sorrows, but you also want a place to share and communicate!
You feel that the relationship between you and these four or five best friends is not equal, and the disparity between your contribution and their reward is great.
After reading your question, I feel that in your interactions with these four or five close friends, you are more proactive, positive, and enthusiastic, while they may appear more passive, negative, and indifferent. After a long period of time, this obvious unequal pattern of interaction may not have been noticeable at first, but now you may feel the inequality in your relationship.
It would be great to know why it's mostly you who initiate conversations with them, and they never initiate conversations with you. It would also be really helpful to understand why when you're talking about yourself, the other person doesn't care about what you're saying about yourself and just skips over it to talk about themselves.
It's so interesting how things work out, isn't it? When you tell them that you are also pregnant, they don't show any concern, but when they tell you that they are pregnant, you obviously show concern for them. This unequal relationship has made you feel neglected, unfairly treated, uncared for, and unconcerned. But it also means that you have the opportunity to decide how you want to get along with them in the future!
❤️ Ask yourself what you want. If you want to continue as before, then go for it! If not, then make the necessary adjustments and get ready for something new and exciting!
It's time to think about how you want to get along with them in the future. If you feel that although the relationship is clearly unequal, you don't want to break off the relationship with them, it's time to connect with them internally. You can't bear to break the connection, so it's time to make a choice!
Now, although you feel uncomfortable in this situation, you are willing to put up with it, and you would rather maintain frequent communication with them than continue with this pattern. If you feel very aggrieved and suffocated inside, and you can't take it anymore, and you don't want to continue this obviously unequal relationship with them, then you should follow your heart and stop contacting them as actively, positively, and enthusiastically as you used to.
Then, just wait for their response! With this change on your part, they will also have to make changes and adjustments, or else they may face a complete overhaul of your relationship. If they are unwilling to sever ties with you, they will naturally contact you on their own initiative. If they don't care about your relationship, then you may really be broken up from now on.
Of course, the latter choice also carries certain risks for you. But you can make the choice to achieve the result you want based on your own ability to bear it and your inner thoughts!
Adler had a brilliant idea! He said that the first step in building a great relationship is to separate issues and focus on building a sense of community.
The famous psychologist Alfred Adler had a brilliant idea! He said that the starting point of interpersonal relationships is the principle of separation of issues, and the end point is to cultivate a sense of community. The separation of issues is to see who is ultimately responsible for an issue, and who is responsible for their issue.
We should absolutely not interfere with other people's issues, and we definitely shouldn't let others interfere with our issues! This is the best way to avoid all that inner trouble in our interactions with others. In the context of your relationship with your best friend, you're absolutely right! You told your best friend that they haven't shown any special concern for you, but your physical health is your issue, and you want to tell them your business. Whether you want to tell them is your issue, and how they react is their issue.
All we need to do is focus on our own issues and let others focus on theirs. When we feel a sense of community, it means we belong to a group that includes ourselves, others, and even the universe!
In your case, you feel a sense of community with them, which is great! However, their behavior makes you feel like you're not part of the community, which is something you can definitely work on. It's hard to cultivate a sense of community, and it may develop quickly for some people and more slowly for others, but you've already taken the first step by recognizing that you want to feel like you're part of the community.
I really hope this helps! Best of luck to you!
The world and I love you!
Comments
I understand how you feel. It's tough when the connections we value don't seem to reciprocate the same level of care and effort. Sometimes friendships need a bit more nurturing from one side than the other, and it's okay to feel a little unbalanced.
It sounds like you're pouring a lot of yourself into these friendships. Maybe it's time to express your feelings openly to them about what you're experiencing. Honest communication can lead to better understanding and might change how they respond to you.
Friendships evolve over time, and it's possible that some of these girls may not be in the same place as you anymore. Have you thought about finding new friends who share similar values and communication styles? Expanding your social circle could bring more fulfilling relationships into your life.
Sometimes we hold onto friendships out of habit rather than genuine connection. It's important to evaluate if these relationships are serving you well. If not, it might be healthier to let go or at least set boundaries for your own emotional wellbeing.
Feeling undervalued in friendships can really hurt. Perhaps consider discussing this with someone else in your life, like family or a counselor, who can provide support and help you navigate these feelings. Remember, it's okay to seek comfort and validation from different sources.