It feels really hard to feel ignored by your best friends and to be left to deal with your own emotions. What should I do?

Hello, question asker!

From your description, it sounds like you have a great friendship!

It's only natural that we feel lost when we give our best to our best friends but don't receive the same in return. But it's also natural to long for a sincere friendship, for our best friends to really listen to us and to care about us!

In fact, over the years, we have given a lot for friendship, and it's time to get something in return! In any relationship, we need to learn to be neither servile nor arrogant. It's about protecting ourselves and also about setting boundaries in relationships.

We treat them well in the hope that they will treat you as well. But why not love ourselves instead?

? Dear, it's time to ask ourselves what we want, what our inner needs are, what kind of response we hope to get, and what if they can't give it to us? Let's find out what it is about friends that, over all these years, hasn't given us what we want!

Do they feel that we are trying to please the relationship? Or have we been playing the role of the good guy, without expressing that we also need their understanding and care?

Sometimes going around in circles or focusing on the needs of others can slowly lead to a loss of self. But it's time to get back to basics! What kind of love do I need? What do I like? What kind of person am I? What can they give me?

Maybe some relationships are really a process of value exchange! Why do they treat us this way?

As we grow up, we learn that it's not always easy to give without expecting something in return. If someone doesn't take the initiative, we know it and can sense it. But taking the initiative in a relationship is a great way to show your love and commitment! It can be tiring, but it's also rewarding. So, be aware, adjust, and respond to your own needs.

Take care of yourself, find great friends, and treat others the way you want to be treated!

Wishing you the best this New Year's! ? 2023 is going to be amazing!

I'm so excited to share this with you! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ��

Dear Question Asker,

In light of your recent loss, today marks the advent of a new year. It is unclear whether you have formulated any New Year's resolutions or entertained any aspirations for the forthcoming year. It is possible that you may be experiencing a sense of disappointment with past interpersonal relationships. In such instances, it may be beneficial to consider the formulation of new strategies.

[Deep self-awareness]

It is unclear whether the original poster (OP) is aware of this tendency or not, but it seems that the OP has a strong inclination to please others in interpersonal interactions. While the greetings and red envelopes may not be what others require, they are a means for the OP to express and receive love. However, if the other person is aware, they may perceive this as a form of blackmail. Love, like money, requires accumulation over time. However, the means of access are somewhat different. A gold bar may be deposited, but when withdrawn, it may be a loaf of bread. How can these two items be compared?

However, if one is experiencing starvation, bread is of greater value than gold. If one is inherently lacking in love, one may be excessively preoccupied with interpersonal relationships, engaging in calculated interactions and, at times, investing significant resources without receiving commensurate returns. The "red envelopes of greetings and concern" one offers may not be reciprocated in kind.

Love is a state of self-sufficiency that can be extended to others.

The questioner herself stated that these close girlfriends, with whom they can discuss any topic, were all met in an online book club. It is relatively simple to empathize in such an environment, but for personal relationships, it is likely still necessary to interact offline. When one is ill, a cup of just-right hot water is arguably more beneficial than a thousand words of asking after one's health. Therefore, it is reasonable to have certain expectations for online relationships and, at the same time, to actively develop offline relationships, for example, with one's neighbors. In the book The Art of Love, the author places great importance on the ability to interact with neighbors or the ability to love one's neighbors. It is said that this is the introductory course to The Art of Love.

The advent of the new year presents an opportunity to formulate strategies for navigating interpersonal relationships. In addition to online connections, it is beneficial to cultivate a few strong offline friendships. Prioritizing self-love and then extending that love to others can facilitate a more balanced approach to relationships.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. Should you find it useful, I would be grateful if you would indicate your appreciation by clicking the "like" button.

Good morning, this is [name] calling to speak with the host.

My name is Ma Na, and I am a psychological counselor. I am writing to share my thoughts with you in the hope that they will be helpful.

The lack of reciprocity in your friends' responses is causing you to feel out of balance. You are experiencing difficulty in maintaining your enthusiasm due to a lack of understanding and support from your friends.

From the description, it is evident that you and your best friend attended different educational institutions and maintained communication through online platforms. This presents a challenge: we may not be aware of their current commitments, social circles, or whether they have encountered new challenges in their personal lives.

As a result, we can only occasionally communicate and share information about our lives and feelings. Some individuals may have competing priorities, while others may be experiencing challenges or difficulties. Some may be engaged in romantic relationships, while others may be pursuing new skills or endeavors.

Fortunately, you have the assurance of knowing that you have a reliable contact who is available to assist you when needed. However, it is possible that the other person is not always accessible, and may not fully comprehend the nuances of our situation, particularly in terms of the feelings of isolation and helplessness that we experience in each moment.

A colleague once observed, "It is unreasonable to expect uninterrupted proximity in a professional relationship. However, it is important to recognize and appreciate the time spent together and the understanding and sincerity demonstrated during that period, as well as the warmth extended."

In your description, you stated, "If you don't take the initiative, you can go weeks without communicating." It appears that you believe it is unusual for best friends to go weeks without communication and that it is an indication of a lack of concern.

Due to practical considerations, you and your colleague have had to pursue different paths, leading to a reduction in daily contact. In addition, you have both relocated to new locations, where you have formed new connections.

Your need for them is a result of the lack of established relationships in your current environment. When you are lonely, you tend to miss them more and require their support more. You hope that the other person can alleviate your loneliness.

As a result of expectations, there is also a possibility of disappointment.

Life goes on, and our circumstances change. We can form new relationships, acquire new skills, and there is still so much more we can do.

When assistance is required, communicate your needs to the appropriate individual and allow them to provide the necessary support. I am confident that they will be willing to help. Even if they are unable to assist, I believe they will be able to provide guidance.

Your life is in the present. Friends are a valuable resource and a source of wealth.

We are here to support you and assure you that you are not alone.

I also have a few girlfriends in different cities, each pursuing their own endeavors. Despite the occasional lack of communication, we are aware of each other's well-being.

Furthermore, there is no doubt regarding the sincerity of each other's feelings, as I am confident that they will be there for me when needed.

Good day, I am writing in response to your query.

I will now attempt to analyse the issue you have raised, which can be broadly classified into the following categories:

1. You likely have four to five close female friends with whom you have in-person contact, but you primarily communicate with them online due to your shared academic pursuits in different locations.

2. Your need for a best friend: You require a confidant with whom you can share the highs and lows of your life.

3. It is evident that a great deal has been invested in these relationships, yet the level of positive reinforcement received is not commensurate with the input provided.

4. Finally, after identifying these issues, I am currently experiencing a somewhat mixed emotional state. I am sad and happy in my own way. I am still struggling to accept and understand these issues. I am seeking solutions to address these problems.

Based on the aforementioned analysis, I would like to present a few suggestions for your consideration.

It is important to understand the underlying cause of this situation.

First, we must address the issue of geographical limitations that impede face-to-face communication. The internet has become a highly sophisticated platform for communication, with online communication now accounting for a significant portion of our daily interactions. From an efficiency standpoint, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, when viewed through an emotional lens, the disadvantages tend to outweigh the advantages.

In-person communication is a complex process involving a person's speech, body language, facial expressions, and other elements. It provides the unique ability to receive real-time emotional feedback, which is not possible in online communication. This discrepancy in the emotional comfort sought may be a contributing factor to the challenges observed.

You have invested a great deal in your best friends, yet you have not received the same level of investment in return. You are struggling to understand why they are unable to treat you as well as you treat them. In any relationship, there is a concept known as "boundaries."

In interpersonal relationships, it is important to recognize that each individual is ultimately responsible for their own actions and emotions. If you wish to form a close connection with someone, or seek comfort from them, or share your experiences, there is one essential step: first, try to obtain the other person's permission. This is particularly important in the context of a potential romantic relationship, unless you are certain that the other person will not refuse (in which case, they may be a true best friend). If the other person does not give permission, or is reluctant, there is a possibility of no positive feedback or even a deterioration of the relationship.

It is time to abandon your previous approach and take some positive action.

Now that the source of the problem has been identified, what steps can be taken in the real world? The following suggestions are offered for your consideration:

First, cultivate genuine, authentic relationships in the real world. This could include forming a romantic partnership, developing one or two close friendships, or engaging in other forms of meaningful social interaction.

This approach allows you to meet your genuine emotional needs in the real world.

Secondly, it is recommended to cultivate some hobbies. These could include running, indoor exercise, travelling, volunteer activities, concerts, and so on.

Participating in outdoor activities can enhance your quality of life and provide a sense of purpose.

Third, establish a goal and dedicate your time and energy to learning and work. When your time and energy are focused on learning and work, you will be less sentimental and will experience a sense of inner fulfillment.

Fourth, online connections are mainly video-based, so it is important to set and maintain appropriate boundaries. Having four or five best friends is excessive; it would be more beneficial to selectively delete a few and keep one or two.

It is not necessary to chat every day. Instead, simply get in touch when necessary. I recommend using video chat as the primary method of communication. When sharing information, it is important to consider the other person's preferences and obtain their consent before proceeding.

The aforementioned methods should provide some degree of relief to the individual in question. However, it is important to remember that we are all adults and that we must be capable of managing our own emotions. It is therefore essential to seek emotional satisfaction within oneself and to confide and share at an appropriate frequency. Furthermore, it is not necessarily indicative of personal growth to manage one's own joys and sorrows.

Best regards,

Hello there!

A pat on the shoulder—this is a very realistic and growing worry. "Friendship" can sometimes become the most touching memory in life. But, sometimes it can also bring a sense of estrangement due to the differences between each other.

*Time and time again, a feeling of rejection: "Am I being ignored?"

"Best friends" is another name for good friends. We appreciate each other and have a relationship of deep trust. We will take the initiative to add each other to our list of close friends because our trusting relationship means that I feel accepted and secure when I am with the other person. This is also why it is easier to develop feelings for someone when you are in school and share the same space and have more opportunities to interact with each other, because you are in close proximity and have common goals. It is so easy to gradually develop trust and feelings in your daily interactions!

However, when the stable environment is broken up, such as when you change classes or go to a different school, it can be tough to stay connected. The good news is that there are ways to keep the bond strong, even when you're both busy!

So, why do friendships sometimes drift apart more than romances? Well, there are a few reasons, but don't worry! We'll get through this together.

* Physical distance.

* It's so true that changes in circumstances affect each other differently!

*We all have so much on our plates these days! It can be tough to find time for friends when we're juggling so many tasks.

We all have different personalities, and that's totally normal!

*Our values and outlook on life change over time.

All of these reasons are totally objective and will affect how we keep up with our friends.

Let's say, for instance, that one of your besties from high school lands a spot at their dream university, while the other decides to study abroad. It's totally normal for these kinds of things to affect your friendship, especially when there are so many objective factors at play.

The physical distance between them makes it tough for them to care for each other in time, which can make it hard for them to feel and understand each other at first. Secondly, after graduating from university, they are faced with the challenge of finding employment. The sense of experience brought about by different cultures and circles will widen the inner distance between them. At the same time, the change in their different identities will also lead to differences in their perception of each other. In order to maintain their friendship, they not only need to have a very good listening ability, but also need to be able to put themselves in each other's shoes and treat each other sincerely. Only in this way can their friendship continue without drying up. After all, the development of a relationship cannot be changed by the efforts of only one party, and it will not nourish and grow you.

Then, it's a great idea for the questioner to take a moment to reflect on their friendships. Have they received the same warm, genuine emotions from their different best friends in return for their own hard work? Have they truly expressed their appreciation for this friendship?

For instance, in the past, they were just too busy to reply to messages in time. But now that the questioner is expressing their feelings of loneliness and loss, it would be really lovely if they could make up for their failure to express their concern in time.

It's totally understandable that in the past, when we were both so busy, we didn't get a chance to express our concerns in time. But when the most important birthday of the year comes around, if the other person forgets, it can feel like they've truly been forgotten. After all, at the moment, they're unable to pay attention due to more important matters, which also shows that our lives have already diverged. But we can still view the situation objectively and learn to wish the other person well. After all, there was once a time when we created beautiful memories together, and we're grateful to the other person. The sense of loss in our hearts will be replaced by gratitude, and we'll still gain from this relationship. We won't be affected by having our lives' focus controlled by others at all times, which can give rise to negative feelings such as picking at ourselves and denying ourselves. So, look forward! Strive to learn and grow yourself, and along the way, even if there are ups and downs, they'll all turn into a beautiful blooming flower.

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and keep up the good work!

Hello! I'm thrilled to share that I truly believe we can all overcome sadness and happiness on our own. I'm excited to see how my sharing can make you a little happier!

First of all, make sure you choose a topic of conversation that interests both of you! If you're having a chat about something that only one of you is interested in, and the other one is pretending to be interested, it's a great opportunity to show off your high emotional intelligence and willingness to take care of other people's feelings. It's always a bonus to have friends like that, but they're not easy to come by, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Second, the gift is sent with the intention, and once the intention is conveyed, the exchange is complete. Whether the other person returns the gift has to do with their financial situation, whether they remember your birthday, and even has a direct relationship with you.

So, for example, if the other person tells you in advance about their birthday, and you don't tell the other person in advance, it is possible that the other person will forget about your birthday, and naturally there will be no return gift. But here's the good news: if you care about this, you can actually make an invitation next time, and the result may be different!

Finally, if the other person doesn't care when you're sick or something, it's possible that they just don't know how. But here's the good news: empathy is a skill, and you can learn it!

You are so lucky to have it, and so are your friends! Taking care of yourself is the most important thing, and as for friends, just look at all the good points!

Hello, questioner!

After reading your question, I really feel the same way, especially for someone my age. I really understand your current sense of loss and helplessness, so I give you a big hug!

You mentioned that this has been going on for many years, and I totally get it. I used to be carefree and didn't feel anything, but now, I feel like the older I get, the more sensitive I become. It's like you said, why do you become more sensitive as you grow up? I think it's because there are more things to worry about as you grow up, and there are more factors that affect your mood!

Take a moment to think about it. In the past, you probably met up a lot and chatted online less often. You were having a great time together, so you didn't notice anything. Then, as you all went to different places to study, you chatted online more often!

It's a bummer, but the truth is that when you're not together, you don't have as many things to talk about. And when you're not chatting online, your conversations can end up being pretty random.

I totally get it! I think chatting online really does have this drawback. You're not the only one who feels this way. Don't we often see it online or in our circle of friends?

It's so sad when people say they've looked through their phone's address book but can't find anyone to talk to. I really feel for them.

Since this is something a lot of us are feeling, it's important to accept the current state of affairs and try to adapt to it. How can we do that? Let me share my views based on my personal experience!

First, let's redefine these best friends!

I'm sure you'll agree that these four or five girlfriends of yours have all been together for many years, right? And what about us?

As time goes by, we also have to adjust our idea of what a best friend is. It doesn't matter who your best friend is or how well you used to play together. What matters is that you feel comfortable with them and that you can rely on them. But life changes, and what you think is important now is different from what it was before. So, it's time to update your idea of what a best friend is. You might find that you don't expect as much from your best friend and that they don't bring you as much happiness as they used to.

Secondly, to boost your inner energy, we must understand that we ourselves must bear the burden of everything, just as you said. After the yang has returned, we must be able to greet our parents, who love us dearly, and bear it all on our own. But can't we think of it this way? If you have a lot of friends, they will all come to greet you. You are so sensitive, as you said. If you think about when you got sick, you felt weak all over, but you felt sorry for your friends if you didn't reply. Do you think that wasn't a burden for you?

So, here's another way of looking at it: it's actually quite nice not to be bothered by friends, because it helps us to boost our energy! And you know what else? What can they replace with their greetings?

Oh, and here's the good news: not all your friends have stopped contacting you! It's just that one or two of them might have a problem, so you shouldn't let it get to you. Just let it blow over!

At the end of the day, we'll still be friends with our old friends. And we should also make new friends! After all, the people in our current lives—the people around us—can also become our best friends. Let's make more friends around us in reality!

Because, after all, we can go shopping, buy clothes, chat, and eat together! I truly believe that when you enrich your real life, you may also be able to achieve less expectation of your best friends.

In short, let go of your expectations and live in the present. Go out into the sunshine and the streets and enjoy the colorful life with real people. I really think that if you can do this, your relationship with your girlfriends will naturally feel much better than it does now. You'll feel like your old self again!

Come on, the world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, and I'm here to help.

I'm sending you a warm hug. You want to be valued and cared for by your best friends and girlfriends, and you hope they care for them as much as you do. Spending time with them makes you feel frustrated and alone. Let's share and discuss:

1. We're used to measuring people or events based on our own values and feelings.

Having values means having judgments, and judgments are our beliefs. Just as you are very concerned about what they are doing and pay great attention to their messages, you value the relationship with your best friends.

At the same time, they secretly hope that they can treat themselves the same way you do. But, there will always be differences in how we judge things. When you have your own values, you have your own standards, and when you have standards, you make judgments.

Furthermore, when this kind of judgment becomes fixed, it will create a "limited belief," which will make life inflexible and distort or even destroy relationships. For instance, you have a lot of expectations for your best friends right now.

Try to think about things from a broader perspective. If you think this way, how do they think? Let go of your own judgments and standards, and allow for the existence of more differences with yourself.

At the same time, remember to separate human behavior from identity and don't label this "person." They're just using their own way to manage and maintain friendships.

2. Learn to grow up slowly on your own, and to deal with both sadness and joy.

You're kind and attentive, and you're really good at reading other people and understanding what they need. This is your "gift." Being highly sensitive is a gift, and you should embrace it. You can shift your focus from other people to yourself. Maybe your gift will be put to good use, such as in creativity or writing.

At the same time, you can also enhance your emotional value. Family and friends are our social support system. When we have emotional needs or encounter difficulties, we naturally think of them. However, we have to learn to grow up slowly and accept that no one is responsible for our lives. We have to do that ourselves.

It's great to have someone you can trust and rely on, but when no one is around, you can be your own strongest support. This will enhance your emotional value and also your self-confidence.

If you have confidence in yourself, you'll have confidence in the future. "The Healing Power of Handwriting" teaches you how to write freely and engage in a dialogue with yourself, and also cultivates the ability to write with delicate emotions.

I hope this has been helpful for you, and that you and the world can find love.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to keep chatting with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! You asked, "It feels really hard when your best friend or close friend ignores you and goes through life alone, happy or sad.

First, give yourself a big pat on the back for noticing your inner feelings! Awareness is the first step to making a change. Let's dive right in and take a look at your question together!

You have four or five amazing best friends! You all get along really well and communicate online because you're studying in different places. Everyone has a different personality, but you feel that they don't really care about you. Most of the time, you initiate the conversations, and if you don't, you won't hear from them for weeks.

Online communication has made chatting feel dull and insipid. They send you messages and you will chat with them actively, but sometimes you send a message and they don't read it and reply, so you joke about it a few times and just let it go. When you chat, you talk about your things, but she just skips it and starts talking about her things directly.

When you're feeling down or unwell, you tell your best friend how you feel, but she doesn't really care. It's as if she's on her own, except for the greetings from her family, from falling ill to recovering. When she is unwell, she tells you how miserable she is, and you tell her how to take the medicine and how to get better quickly.

You always send them red envelopes on their birthdays, and it's so exciting to see their reactions! Some of them remember, some are slow to respond, and some forget, but that's okay! You feel a little sad, but you don't expect them to feel the same way. However, such conversations have become a bit cold, and this has been the case for many years. In the past, you were not easily affected by emotions and felt fine, but perhaps the older you get, the more sensitive you become, which is a wonderful thing!

You're great at handling your own joys and sorrows, but you also want a place to share and communicate!

You feel that the relationship between you and these four or five best friends is not equal, and the disparity between your contribution and their reward is great.

After reading your question, I feel that in your interactions with these four or five close friends, you are more proactive, positive, and enthusiastic, while they may appear more passive, negative, and indifferent. After a long period of time, this obvious unequal pattern of interaction may not have been noticeable at first, but now you may feel the inequality in your relationship.

It would be great to know why it's mostly you who initiate conversations with them, and they never initiate conversations with you. It would also be really helpful to understand why when you're talking about yourself, the other person doesn't care about what you're saying about yourself and just skips over it to talk about themselves.

It's so interesting how things work out, isn't it? When you tell them that you are also pregnant, they don't show any concern, but when they tell you that they are pregnant, you obviously show concern for them. This unequal relationship has made you feel neglected, unfairly treated, uncared for, and unconcerned. But it also means that you have the opportunity to decide how you want to get along with them in the future!

❤️ Ask yourself what you want. If you want to continue as before, then go for it! If not, then make the necessary adjustments and get ready for something new and exciting!

It's time to think about how you want to get along with them in the future. If you feel that although the relationship is clearly unequal, you don't want to break off the relationship with them, it's time to connect with them internally. You can't bear to break the connection, so it's time to make a choice!

Now, although you feel uncomfortable in this situation, you are willing to put up with it, and you would rather maintain frequent communication with them than continue with this pattern. If you feel very aggrieved and suffocated inside, and you can't take it anymore, and you don't want to continue this obviously unequal relationship with them, then you should follow your heart and stop contacting them as actively, positively, and enthusiastically as you used to.

Then, just wait for their response! With this change on your part, they will also have to make changes and adjustments, or else they may face a complete overhaul of your relationship. If they are unwilling to sever ties with you, they will naturally contact you on their own initiative. If they don't care about your relationship, then you may really be broken up from now on.

Of course, the latter choice also carries certain risks for you. But you can make the choice to achieve the result you want based on your own ability to bear it and your inner thoughts!

Adler had a brilliant idea! He said that the first step in building a great relationship is to separate issues and focus on building a sense of community.

The famous psychologist Alfred Adler had a brilliant idea! He said that the starting point of interpersonal relationships is the principle of separation of issues, and the end point is to cultivate a sense of community. The separation of issues is to see who is ultimately responsible for an issue, and who is responsible for their issue.

We should absolutely not interfere with other people's issues, and we definitely shouldn't let others interfere with our issues! This is the best way to avoid all that inner trouble in our interactions with others. In the context of your relationship with your best friend, you're absolutely right! You told your best friend that they haven't shown any special concern for you, but your physical health is your issue, and you want to tell them your business. Whether you want to tell them is your issue, and how they react is their issue.

All we need to do is focus on our own issues and let others focus on theirs. When we feel a sense of community, it means we belong to a group that includes ourselves, others, and even the universe!

In your case, you feel a sense of community with them, which is great! However, their behavior makes you feel like you're not part of the community, which is something you can definitely work on. It's hard to cultivate a sense of community, and it may develop quickly for some people and more slowly for others, but you've already taken the first step by recognizing that you want to feel like you're part of the community.

I really hope this helps! Best of luck to you!

The world and I love you!