It's hard to accept that an ex has a new partner after being together for five years and then splitting up for one year?

Hello, my dear friend. From what I can see on your account, the initial breakup caused you a great deal of pain. I can imagine that what was more painful than the separation itself was discovering his infidelity and the cold and violent way he handled your relationship.

It's totally normal to still feel a bit torn up even though you've accepted the breakup and adapted to being single. It's like you're still holding on to the past and seeing him with someone else. It's okay to feel this way. It's not that you still have feelings for him as a person, but more about your position in the relationship and what those memories mean to you.

Five years is a long time, and after investing so much emotion over a long period of time, we naturally have certain expectations in our hearts. We want to feel loved and cherished, and we hope that the feelings we have given are returned. When the other person "lets go," it can feel really strange. We might even doubt whether we have really been loved and whether we are capable of finding true love.

Intimate relationships are all based on the "here and now." There's no way to compare them, and different individuals will inevitably have different needs, attitudes, and ways of dealing with relationships. When a relationship ends, it's usually because the needs of both parties no longer match. But it's important to remember the friendship and the good feelings in the relationship, and even more so, our own value.

It's also good to be aware of whether the emotions you're feeling right now are partly because you're feeling uncertain about the future and unsure about the past. We can all relate to feeling a bit afraid of staying in the same place sometimes, especially when we see others seemingly moving forward. It's natural to want to feel like you're worth something, even if you're not sure how to go about proving it.

There are so many ways to explore and discover things in life that bring a sense of meaning. You can learn, work, serve the public, engage in hobbies, and even connect with nature. All of these experiences help you feel more confident in your ability to build your own life. When you have a stronger sense of self-identity, it's easier to let go of the negative impact of relationships.

Dear question asker,

I am overcome with a sense of defeat regarding this relationship and a profound disappointment in my boyfriend.

The swiftness with which he has moved on seems to suggest that he does not care about you.

It is evident that you have experienced a range of challenges and successes together, supporting each other throughout.

The dissolution of your relationship did not occur when it was at its strongest, but rather when it was at its weakest, with the involvement of a third party. Do you believe that, from his perspective, he values the new love or the old love more?

If the subject in question were of importance to the object in question, the former would not have been broken up with and the latter would have been asked to separate and reconcile with the former.

Perhaps during the period of the relationship when it was at its most intense, you were someone of importance to him. However, that is no longer the case.

Due to health reasons, you have extended your master's degree, and your physical and emotional well-being are closely related. This breakup has had a significant impact on you, and I empathize with your situation. However, even if he were aware of your decision to extend your studies, it is unlikely that he would have a different emotional response.

The only individuals capable of providing care are one's loved ones, oneself, and those who genuinely care for one.

The loss of romantic love does not indicate moral deficiency. In fact, it is advantageous to have ended a relationship with someone who is prone to infidelity. One's value is not contingent on the opinions of others, as evidenced by the case of Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi. Despite being in a relationship with Xu Zhimo, Zhang Youyi maintained a relatively low profile and did not receive his romantic attention. Following their divorce, Zhang Youyi became a successful entrepreneur and established her own identity.

Xu Zhimo selected Lu Xiaoman, providing her with a platform to earn income and ultimately perishing in an aviation accident. Is Lu Xiaoman inherently superior to Zhang Youyi?

Individuals possess disparate preferences.

You perceive him to be a significant figure in your life, yet you were unaware that he was engaging in flirtatious behavior with other women, potentially with multiple individuals.

Long-distance relationships make it challenging to ascertain the other person's intentions and evaluate their sincerity. It is possible that the individual in question had desired to terminate the relationship for an extended period, and that there were indications of this, but these were disregarded.

Upon the dissolution of the relationship, you exhibited a notable degree of resolve and did not express any remorse for the infidelity. It can be reasonably inferred that he was, in fact, compelling you to terminate the relationship, and that he had already effectively done so.

One would expect the dissolution of the relationship to be conducted with dignity and clarity, rather than with resentment.

However, this is merely conjecture. It is possible that he does not harbor any resentment towards you, as feelings of animosity often arise from a profound attachment. It is also plausible that he is indifferent to the situation and even relieved.

You are characterized by sincerity, maturity, and affection in your relationships. However, you have recently encountered an individual who does not merit such qualities. This is not a reflection of any personal deficiency on your part.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to find happiness in your life.

You're doing great! You're calm, rational, and objective. Logic can help you find many answers, but reason cannot explain beyond experience, especially when it comes to people and relationships.

It might be helpful to accept that people's preferences can change and that you can move on from a relationship even if you thought it was forever. It's natural to look for love after a breakup, and it's been more than a year now.

I just wonder, why is this not a normal occurrence? If you had a new boyfriend in the meantime, do you think you'd still be obsessed with this matter and get sadder and sadder the more you think about it?

I'm sure you don't mind it, and I totally get it if you don't care about it either. What do you think?

I'm sure you won't deny the possibility that you "still like him." And that's totally valid! You're also very sensitive, which is great. You've realized that you're just angry at yourself for "not seeming as important," and you're feeling resentful that "he can accept someone new but not me."

Then which of you and his new girlfriend should be more important to him? It's a tough call, isn't it? I mean, can the sooner or later of a new relationship be quantified as equivalent in terms of importance?

With seven years of relationship behind you, would it be important to an ordinary, normal person, according to your understanding and judgment?

On the other hand, it's possible you've underestimated the importance of your partner in your heart because you haven't had the chance to compare. It's also possible he's not as important to you as you thought. Could it be that you're just angry with him for "jumping the gun"?

It's okay to feel like unfaithful and dishonorable people don't deserve this. It's natural to feel like you've been "beaten." But remember, this is also normal.

It's totally normal! When our emotions are running high and memories are triggered, it can feel like the past finally has a definitive resting place. This is an emotional realm that logic and reason can't fully explain, but time can.

It's totally normal to feel sad when you're going through a breakup. It can feel like you're saying goodbye to your past and that the memories of him will also leave with him. It's natural to feel like your life will no longer be complete. But, it's important to remember that he is still a very important person to you. He's been there for you through the good times and the bad. He's been your companion and your support system. He's been there for you through the tough times and the resentment. He's been a part of your life in so many ways.

You have your own reasons for liking to break up, and it's totally your choice, sweetheart.

The so-called determination of importance depends not so much on him as on each person's judgment of their past, their understanding of life, and their attitude. Some people are grateful, while others go through life with a light heart. Sometimes things go wrong, and sometimes they are done on purpose. There may be no right or wrong, no higher or lower.

So, there's really no need to question him in your memory, or to waver in your attitude towards life. What can you do about it?

He'll still be in your important memories. And you know, it really doesn't matter whether you're important to him or whether he values you as much as you value him.

I really do wish you all the very best and lots of happiness.

First, let us summarize the issue at hand.

1. I began dating my former partner in college and we were together for five years, residing separately for two years prior to our separation. The reasons for this included a loss of passion, cold and violent behavior, and an ambiguous relationship with another woman.

2. The aspect of the breakup that causes the greatest confusion and sadness is the realization that the other person would act in such a way. There had been the expectation that the dissolution of the relationship could be handled with honesty, either through the admission that the love was no longer present or that the relationship was not functioning as intended. Instead, the dissolution occurred with a betrayal.

3. The dissolution of the relationship has had a significant impact on your decision to postpone your postgraduate studies. It is unfortunate to observe your former partner rapidly transitioning from a position of obscurity to a public display of affection with his new girlfriend.

4. You begin to question the authenticity of the past five years, wondering if you really knew him or if he has changed. This doubt and obsession have a negative impact on your emotional state.

Despite adapting to being single and no longer being in love with him, seeing him move on to a new relationship makes you feel that you are losing his attention. You try to find evidence in him that proves you were once important to him, but it is difficult to achieve.

Let us examine the psychological causes.

It is challenging to acknowledge that the psychological reasons for your former partner's decision to pursue a new relationship may be complex and involve a range of personal, emotional, cognitive, and psychological factors. I will provide a detailed explanation below.

The dissolution of a relationship can be a traumatic emotional experience. In a relationship that has lasted five years, there is a significant investment of emotion and time, as well as a high level of familiarity with the pattern of spending one's life with the other person.

Once a relationship has concluded, the established pattern is disrupted, which can result in significant psychological distress and a sense of loss. In such circumstances, observing the former partner in a new relationship can evoke profound apprehensions and anxieties, impeding the ability to accept reality.

The difficulty in accepting a former partner's new partner may also be attributed to one's self-esteem and self-worth. There may be a perception that the former partner's affections have been transferred, leading to a questioning of one's own attractiveness and sense of value.

In such cases, our self-esteem is seriously undermined, and it is challenging to accept that we are no longer the sole option in the eyes of our former partner.

It is also possible to become preoccupied with the past, dwelling on happy memories and fantasies, and holding on to the belief that our former partner should always be waiting for us to return. It can be challenging to accept that these positive expectations and fantasies have been shattered when our former partner has found a new partner.

It is challenging to accept that our former partner has already formed a new attachment in our lives, while we remain anchored in the past, constrained by the recollection of past experiences.

Furthermore, there may be unresolved feelings for an ex-partner. Even if we have adapted to single life and have told ourselves that we no longer love him, when we see that he has moved on and is in a new relationship, we may feel that we have faded in his mind, which may evoke an emotional response in us.

Furthermore, social culture and family education influence our acceptance of the ex having a new partner. In some cultures and family environments, individuals are socialized with specific beliefs about love and marriage, which can make it challenging to accept the ex having a new partner.

Finally, we will discuss how to adjust one's mentality.

Mind self-adjustment is a crucial psychological process that enables individuals to better navigate challenges, overcome obstacles, and cultivate a positive outlook. This article will provide a comprehensive overview of mind self-adjustment techniques and practical methods for implementation.

The initial step in adjusting one's state of mind is to accept one's emotions. It is common to experience a range of emotions, including happiness, sadness, anger, and anxiety.

It is crucial to acknowledge and accept the presence of these emotions rather than denying or suppressing them. It is essential to recognize and acknowledge our emotions, allowing us the opportunity to express and release them in a constructive manner.

It is only when we accept our emotions that we can begin to effectively adjust our state of mind.

It is also important to maintain an active lifestyle in order to adjust your state of mind. A regular routine, a balanced diet, and moderate exercise can all have a positive impact on your physical and mental state.

Furthermore, actively engaging in social activities, developing new interests, and enjoying nature can all contribute to an improved state of mind and a more optimistic, positive outlook.

Learning to let go is essential for self-adjustment. Past setbacks, failures, and hurts may continue to impede progress.

It is therefore important to learn to let go of the past and accept reality. There are various techniques that can be used to help individuals relax and release inner distress, including meditation, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, and other methods.

Furthermore, modifying one's mindset is an effective method for adjusting one's mentality. It is important to recognize that the world is diverse, that individuals have unique experiences and perspectives, and that challenges can be viewed as opportunities for growth.

It is advisable to adopt a positive outlook and identify solutions, rather than dwelling on negative emotions.

Additionally, developing new interests and social circles can facilitate mindset adjustment. Participation in new activities and exposure to new individuals can enhance personal growth, diminish attachment to the past, and foster a more diverse outlook.

Finally, establishing clear objectives and a plan of action is an essential step in adjusting one's mindset. Define specific goals and plans to infuse your life with purpose and optimism.

Whether the goal is professional, personal, or travel-related, it can assist in better adjusting one's mindset.

In summary, adjusting one's state of mind is a gradual process that requires patience and effort. By accepting one's emotions, maintaining an active lifestyle, learning to let go, changing one's thinking patterns, cultivating new interests and social circles, setting clear goals and plans, and employing other methods, one can gradually adjust one's state of mind and have a more positive and healthy attitude towards life.

I hope these methods will prove useful in helping you to overcome your current difficulties and embrace a brighter future.

I sense a deep-seated pain and confusion in the questioner's heart. I believe the issue may extend beyond the fact that the ex-boyfriend found a new partner so soon. It may also be the sense of crisis that the questioner has not discovered this side of him after knowing each other for such a long time. This kind of crisis may make the questioner wonder if other men are also like this, if she will encounter this situation again in the future, and question and deny her own personal charm, ability to observe and think, etc.

Despite the unfortunate circumstances of the dissolution of the relationship, it is important to recognize the significant time, energy, and effort invested by the questioner in the relationship, as well as the expectations and hopes for love that were shared by both parties. It is understandable that the result of such a significant investment may be difficult to accept.

Furthermore, if you invest a great deal of emotion and do not receive an equal amount in return, it can be challenging to cope with the resulting emptiness. In such instances, it is natural to seek solace in memories, even if they are painful, as a means of temporarily filling the void. These memories offer a form of emotional comfort, which can be perceived as a positive coping mechanism. It is, therefore, understandable that the questioner is unable to move on at this time.

This may also indicate a lack of sufficient deep perception of your own inner emotional feelings and a lack of sufficient attention and satisfaction of your own emotional needs.

From the information you have provided, it seems that you mentioned that "what hurts me is that he got over it after a year or so." This could be interpreted as a belief that the other person should still be in pain like you and should not have gotten over it so quickly and turned to find another partner. It would be helpful to understand if this was also the cognitive thinking state of the questioner during the time they were together. If so, it could explain why the other person would later become cold and violent towards the questioner and become intimate with another girl.

This way of thinking is often seen in intimate relationships, where one party tries their best to be good to the other, hoping that the other party will understand and also try their best to be good to them. To put it more colloquially, it's "I've been so good to you, I hope you will be good to me in return."

In real life, however, this kind of relationship pattern can sometimes result in a great deal of pressure on both parties, which may eventually lead to a crisis in the relationship. If the relationship is like this, it can become an exchange of emotions, which may result in a loss of the essence of love.

Love is a voluntary and free exchange between two people. It is not about how much one person gives; the other must give back the same amount. At the same time, the other person may be able to accept the way the questioner treats him so well, but may not be willing to give the same amount of love back to the questioner.

It might be helpful for the questioner to recall how the two people communicated with each other during their time together. This could lead to new insights.

With regard to this past relationship, it would be helpful to accept that it is in the past and move forward. It might also be beneficial to devote more time and energy to yourself, engaging in activities that will keep you busy, fulfilled, and happy. This could help you to avoid dwelling on the past.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who can help you through images.

You found out from a friend that your ex had a new girlfriend. You saw how they held hands and thought they'd moved on, but you still cared about him and were worried he'd forgotten you.

From the start of your long-distance relationship, it was clear that you would have to end it. You always forgive and ignore until he cheats. This breakup is a serious loss and a wound that needs to be healed.

This year, you tried to convince yourself to move on, but seeing the photo brought back your trauma. You said you weren't in love with him, which made you miserable. You realized the five years of your relationship had been a dream and doubted your sense of self.

The key is to love yourself! This will make you a more complete and energetic person.

Many of the principles are understood by the questioner. What is needed is to love oneself properly. Discover ways to please yourself. Some people like music, some like flowers, some like sports. No matter which you choose, you are enriching your life. You will find yourself coming alive.

When you focus on yourself and meet your needs, you'll feel more in control. This might be tough, but if you're ready, you can work with a counselor. I'm excited to support you on your journey.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. I can see you're confused. Hugs!

You were together with your ex for five years and broke up a year ago.

You're a girl.

Girls are emotional.

You were together for five years and had feelings for your ex.

Then you'll feel lost when you find out he has a new girlfriend.

Your relationship with your ex is over.

There's no need to keep an eye on his friends.

It will be hard to get over your broken heart.

Here are some ways to remember your ex.

Write him a formal letter of farewell.

When writing, don't worry about the content or handwriting.

Then throw the letter away.

To end your relationship with him.

Another way is to use the "empty chair technique."

The "empty chair technique" is to sit in a chair by yourself and imagine your ex is also sitting in an empty chair on the other side. Then say everything you want to say to him.

If you don't know how to use the "empty chair technique," see a counselor.

I hope you can resolve this soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you. Take care!

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