It's hard to believe in one's own goodness, easy to overlook one's own virtues, and what to do about the anxiety?

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I tend to be modest and self-effacing, as I have been in the past.

Nobody is perfect, so perhaps it's not so helpful to be so hard on yourself.

The world is a beautiful place, and its differences make it so.

You say you often ignore yourself, forget that you are also good, doubt yourself because of a small thing, and understand that no one is perfect. However, you find it challenging to convince yourself not to think about it. How can we find a way out of this cycle of thoughts?

If someone's advice doesn't resonate with you, it might be helpful to consider the relationships within your heart. We all have relationships with the world and with others. The diversity of people in this world is a reflection of the differences and contradictions that motivate us to find solutions and contribute to social progress.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on the nature of our relationship with the world and with one another. It seems important to recognize that everyone comes into this world with a mission to fulfill.

As you are currently experiencing, it can be challenging to navigate the conflicting thoughts that arise. You may recognize that these thoughts are not conducive to personal growth, yet they can still feel limiting. In such moments, it can be helpful to consider constructive ways forward.

It would be beneficial to accept your differences.

❀Consider the world from a more open and tolerant perspective. People and things often have multiple facets. Those who offer kindness may also be capable of malice, and those who are kind may also be perceived as inferior. Regardless of the emotion involved, the unusual netizen who targets you is likely not a personal reflection, but rather the information you transmit and express.

Everyone has their own preferences, and they will love the person and everything about them. If you have not done anything in online dating but have been misunderstood and blocked by the other person, it may be worth considering whether your profile or account or other aspects of your operation may have caused the blacklisting. The online world is vast, and we can reflect on people who know us well, but for people we don't know well, it's natural to have some self-doubt.

In history, we can count on one hand the number of completely good people. For this reason, it would be beneficial for us to have a clear understanding of ourselves and accept ourselves. As long as we can do something with a clear conscience and not hurt others, it is not so important what others say. There will be a thousand Hamlets for every reader, and everyone's perspective is different. If we care about what everyone thinks of us, it might be a bit tiring and not really helpful for our growth.

I hope this finds you well.

Greetings, host.

In the description, the host indicated that he had experienced significant challenges in developing a sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. I empathize with the host, who has been constrained by this internalized narrative. I extend a supportive gesture of solidarity.

No individual is without flaws; each possesses both strengths and weaknesses.

The host demonstrates an understanding of the principles but is unable to accept himself.

At what point did you first begin to question your own abilities and engage in speculation about the thoughts of others?

At that time, was there any particular occurrence that left a lasting impression on you?

If no such memory can be recalled, that is perfectly acceptable.

Please close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly. Repeat this cycle until you feel calm.

Please reflect on a positive memory from your kindergarten years. If this is challenging, that is understandable. When you returned to elementary school, did you have any friends?

Please describe your experience of primary school. Was it a challenging period? Did you find your junior high school to be an optimal environment for learning and socialization?

Please describe any instances of positive experience during your high school years. Please describe your experience at the university level.

In the event of a negative experience, how did you cope with that period of time?

What about the period following graduation? Which experiences have left a lasting impression?

Ultimately, the host will ascertain that there are always some regrets, some contentment, and some satisfaction.

Ultimately, based on the severity of distress, it is my hope that the host will be able to locate a qualified counselor with whom to engage in a more comprehensive exploration of their thoughts and feelings.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, here to offer you a warm and compassionate ear as you share your emotional stories.

Given your above-average sensitivity, you may be inclined to look for reasons in yourself when something happens. You may also be used to experiencing self-doubt and self-negation. This can cause you a lot of pain, and you may wish to avoid these feelings, but they can be difficult to control.

Such self-denial can also lead to feelings of pain and loneliness.

Perhaps we could start by giving each other a warm hug, and then we can take a look at what the problem is.

1. We all have our own inherent patterns.

Everyone has their own inherent patterns, behavioral patterns, emotional patterns, and four or five patterns, and they bring these patterns into their various relationships.

For instance, pessimism, complaining, and self-denial are patterns that have become ingrained in our lives because they once served a protective function.

Perhaps we could express our gratitude to it for protecting us in the past. If we want to change, it might be challenging.

Our lives today are shaped by our past actions, and our actions are influenced by our thoughts. Our thoughts play a role in determining whether or not we take action.

It could be said that thoughts influence behavior, and that repeated behavior can lead to the formation of habits.

In other words, our lives are shaped by our past habits. If you feel that your life could be better and you would like to make some changes, it might be helpful to consider breaking some of your less helpful habits.

This includes some "patterns." It is important to recognize these patterns in order to facilitate change. Seeing gives you the opportunity to choose, and seeing is the first step in the change process.

These patterns can be likened to a fruit knife. When they are not needed, they are stored away safely, but when they are needed for protection, they can be easily found wherever they are. This is the power of "seeing".

It could be said that the root of all psychological problems is self-worth.

It could be said that almost all kinds of problems in life, such as marriage, career, wealth, and child-rearing issues, are related to self-worth. It may be the case that the root of all psychological problems stems from self-worth.

It might be said that self-worth is a person's subjective judgment of themselves, and that this has nothing to do with others. However, the family of origin could be considered to be the source of self-worth.

This subjective evaluation typically emerges during the early stages of growth and is often gradually shaped by the child's parents and other significant individuals in their lives affirming, accepting, recognizing, praising, commending, and encouraging the child.

A person's subjective judgment of themselves during childhood is often influenced by their parents' evaluation of them. A child who receives high praise from an early age may develop a sense of self-worth and resilience, even in the face of challenges. They may be better equipped to handle setbacks because they have been encouraged to believe in themselves and their potential for a fulfilling life.

If a child grows up in a family where there is a lack of positive reinforcement and affirmation from their parents, it can have an impact on their psychological well-being.

He may unknowingly develop a negative self-perception. Some children, in particular, who are separated from their parents at a young age, may come to believe that they are unworthy of love and acceptance.

As they mature, such individuals may experience uncertainty about their own value and be particularly sensitive to external cues. Their self-worth may be shaped by the opinions of others, which can lead to a tendency to care about external validation.

It is often the case that a person with a low sense of self-worth will find it difficult to feel happy. It could therefore be said that self-worth is an important aspect of mental health.

It is not necessarily the case that someone is born with a deficiency. There is no reason why they should have to accept their fate.

We have the option of healing ourselves or seeking professional psychological counseling.

For those interested in learning more, I would like to direct your attention to my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it," which provides a more detailed introduction and can be viewed on my personal homepage.

3. I believe that everything that happens is for my benefit.

It might be helpful to try to stay positive and optimistic, as this can help us to find the good in even the worst situations.

"High sensitivity is a gift" can help you perceive yourself in a more positive light. People with high sensitivity tend to have a good sense of observation, and if they use it correctly, they can fully utilize this talent.

You might also find the book Psychological Nutrition helpful. It explores the psychological nutrition that our parents provided as significant others when we were children, which was necessary for our physical and mental health. As adults, we can provide ourselves with this same kind of psychological nutrition.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you. I love you all and I hope you have a wonderful day. ?

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the author's own description, it is clear that the author dwells on other people's trivial matters, succumbing to self-doubt, confusion, misery, and pain. Despite the presence of numerous friends, the author fixates on those who are not interacting with him, negating himself due to external influences.

It is important to understand that everyone has their own characteristics and interests, and that not everyone likes the renminbi.

Give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and give them a little strength. They need to accept that they made a mistake.

The question asker needs to accept that they are not perfect. When did this mentality of blaming themselves for not doing something well start?

We need to find out whether this mentality of blaming oneself for one's shortcomings is something that developed in childhood or whether it was caused by something else.

These thoughts that cannot accept bad things interfere with the questioner and make them fall into negative emotions. Learn how to detect and eliminate bad emotions and replace them with a positive attitude.

What cannot defeat the questioner will definitely give the questioner more courage to face difficulties in the future.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I can't go into detail about it. What I can do is give the questioner some advice on how to deal with the negative emotions that arise:

Identify the disturbing negative thoughts.

It's important to understand what makes you think negatively. Some negative thoughts just pop into your head, while others are harder to find.

Record any negative emotions you experience in a few words.

Identify the negative emotions that cause the person to feel anxious. These include blaming yourself for mistakes that have nothing to do with you, feeling ashamed, attributing simple mistakes to your own failings as a person, and imagining that very minor problems are serious. These negative thoughts are common cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and being overly extreme.

Stop negative emotions.

Understand where your negative emotions come from, then cheer yourself up and overcome them. For example, when you wake up in the morning and feel like it's going to be a bad morning, acknowledge your negative thoughts and say to yourself, "It doesn't feel good in the morning, but it will get better after the morning." Maintain a positive mindset by doing this.

When you're faced with negative emotions, don't dwell on them or speak about them. Just say something positive. You'll get used to it over time, and your state of mind will change.

Pay attention to your words.

You need to stop using decisive words like "I'm sure I won't be able to do this" or "I messed up such a small thing." These words exaggerate and leave no room for interpretation.

Your words include what you say to others and what you say to yourself, both verbally and mentally.

Your words include what you say to others and what you say to yourself, both verbally and mentally.

Be aware of your own verbal habits.

It's time to face facts. When we're faced with a situation that we don't like, we tend to have a go-to mantra. It might be something like, "I'm so annoyed," or "I messed up again today." These words reflect the fact that we always exaggerate and express emotions when dealing with things. They make us think more negatively.

Avoid using these types of words. Replace negative words with positive thoughts and praise to turn negative emotions into a positive. For example, replace "terrible" with "unfortunate" or "there is still room for improvement" and "disaster" with "challenge" or "inconvenience."

Face each day positively.

Every day, face things with a positive attitude. When you wake up in the morning, think of five happy things first.

These happy things can be little events in life, such as listening to a good song, watching a good movie, smelling tea today, and buying what you wanted yesterday. Think about these things and say them out loud. Start your day positively.

A positive mindset is the foundation of starting a new day. It makes it difficult for negative emotions to grow.

You may feel silly saying positive things out loud, but studies have proven that saying positive things out loud makes you believe what you're saying. This makes you happier, more focused, and stops you from having too many negative thoughts.

Look for the positive.

Nothing is perfect, and no matter how capable a person is, they can't be perfect. Don't demand perfection from yourself. Allow yourself to make small mistakes or not be as perfect as expected. When you find yourself obsessing about why things are the way they are, stop immediately and think about something positive instead.

For example, imagine that your computer has broken down and needs to have an internal part replaced. This is a troublesome matter, but you can use the process of repairing the computer to learn new skills or consolidate existing skills.

Get help from someone outside of your immediate circle.

If the above approach doesn't work for you, get help from a professional psychologist or counselor. Tell them how you feel. It's confidential, so be honest.

Describe how these anxiety attacks make you feel, explain how they usually start, and tell them how you respond. If you need to, keep talking to them until these negative emotions no longer affect you.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I've read your post and I totally get where you're coming from.

At the same time, he also noticed that the landlord had bravely faced himself and actively sought help on the platform, which would undoubtedly help the landlord to better understand and recognize himself, so as to adjust and integrate himself.

I'm really looking forward to sharing my observations and thoughts in the post, as I think they might help the original poster to gain a more diverse perspective.

1. Projection game

Have you ever wondered what projection is? It's when we project our inner thoughts, feelings, and so on outward, making it seem as if they come from the outside world.

I remember learning this story when I was a child. It was about two neighbors.

One was rich, the other poor. One day, the rich man lost his money, and in his heart, he was convinced that his neighbor had stolen it.

So, the neighbor was the thief! He decided to keep an eye on his neighbor, and the more he looked, the more he thought his neighbor looked like a thief.

Even many of his actions seemed to be those of a thief. But then he found the money and realized that his neighbor had not stolen it. Oh, no! What a relief!

When he looked at his neighbor again, he realized that his neighbor didn't look like a thief anymore. This story is a great example of what projection is in a very visual way.

In your post, you mentioned that you tend to think irrationally and believe that other people think you are not good enough. I can relate! From the perspective of psychological projection, does this kind of thinking come from within ourselves?

This is something the original poster can explore.

And from a psychological point of view, our attention is selective.

We all have a tendency to focus on the things that matter to us and to see what we want to see. This is totally normal! But if we think we're not good enough, we might end up noticing things that make us feel inadequate.

2. We totally get it! It can be really tough to believe in our own goodness.

I totally get it. Your question is totally typical and representative.

Many people have the same problem as you, so let's take a look at why we find it hard to believe in ourselves.

In the original post, the author shared that after someone blocks you without any explanation, you might start wondering if you did something wrong.

From this information, does the hostess find that you seem to be more prone to internal attribution? That is, you feel that it is your own problem.

It's not that internal attribution is a bad thing, but if we rely on it too much, it can lead to some not-so-great things like self-denial, self-doubt, and even self-attack. But, it's often related to our traditional culture and early upbringing, so it's totally understandable!

Traditional culture teaches us to be popular, and we may be influenced by these cultural subtleties. And what about our early upbringing environment?

It's also possible that it's related to our nurturer. The original poster can take a look and see if they've had similar experiences in their relationship with their nurturer.

[For example, if you didn't do something well enough, you would be rejected. It's all because of you, and if you did something well, you wouldn't be praised or recognized, etc.]

We can try to review our own growth experience, which may help us better understand and recognize ourselves and see what has made us who we are today.

3. Give yourself a break! Try to adjust those unreasonable beliefs.

If we find that we have some beliefs from our upbringing that we now realize are not quite right for us, we can learn to adjust them. We can gently reshape ourselves and raise ourselves up to be the best we can be.

And in this way, we can slowly become better. If we are really influenced by the early parenting environment, then we can imagine

If we had a child now, would we respond and educate them in that way? It's an interesting question! How would we respond and act in a more scientific way of parenting now?

Once we figure this out, we may realize those unreasonable beliefs and consciously adjust and start to nurture and shape ourselves again.

4. Give yourself a big hug! Try to accept yourself, just as you are.

The poster mentioned his anxiety in the post. It's so important to remember that anxiety, from a certain perspective, is also a result of not liking and accepting oneself.

If we don't accept ourselves as we are, we may find ourselves feeling like we don't like, deny, or doubt ourselves. And that's totally normal! We all have those days where we feel like we're not good enough.

We all feel like we're not good enough sometimes. But if we want to see the good in ourselves, we have to learn to accept ourselves and our "not good enough" parts.

So, what is acceptance?

It means accepting the parts of ourselves that we cannot change and focusing on the parts that we can change. It's okay to accept our shortcomings and also see our strengths!

And see ourselves from a richer perspective. It's totally okay to not do things perfectly! It doesn't define who we are.

It's okay, things didn't turn out well. When we can complete self-acceptance and integrate the good part of ourselves with the "not good" part,

You'll like yourself more, see your own value, and, best of all, you'll be free from anxiety!

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, you can also click on Find a Coach to explore your own understanding further and find ways to help yourself.

Hello, question owner!

It seems like you might not have a lot of confidence in yourself. You seem to be constantly saying no to yourself and thinking that you don't deserve good things in life. This is just your perception, though. Everyone in this world is valuable. If someone is constantly thinking that they are worthless, saying no to themselves, and believing that they are not good and not worthy, this is actually a form of excessive narcissism. This kind of negative narcissism is actually a way to keep us in an ideal state of self. We hope that we can do better, so we cannot accept our own imperfections, which causes anxiety and greatly reduces our self-confidence. If we constantly say no to ourselves, it is also a sign that we have difficulty accepting ourselves, which also shows that we are unable to accept others. The way we treat ourselves is actually the way we treat others. How can we solve this?

Maybe we can try looking at it this way: when we're denying ourselves and thinking we're bad, let's see if that's a fact or just a feeling inside ourselves. It's really important to distinguish between facts and feelings. You can write about this event and then judge it from a third-person perspective and analyze it objectively. You might find that this is just a feeling you have about yourself, not a fact.

Everyone's approach to problems is different, and that's okay! There's no right or wrong, only choices.

You can read more books, such as "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence" and "The Perfect Personality." Reading these books can help you see yourself better, understand yourself, and reconstruct your own cognitive system. It will also help you get out of low self-esteem and boost your confidence. You can also talk about it on the Yi Xinli platform. These are all good ways to do it. You've got this! Believe in yourself!