I've lost my way, I value the other person more than myself, I can't find myself anymore.

Hello, question asker!

You've embarked on an incredible journey of self-awareness, and it's okay to feel a little uncomfortable just being nice to others. The host should give himself a big pat on the back for his self-awareness!

When you were a child, you learned that being nice to your younger brother would gain you the approval of those around you. Now, you're learning that being nice to your boyfriend will gain him your approval. It's a fascinating process! You're learning that being nice to others is a two-way street. If others don't think you're being nice, then you can't be considered nice!

It's just that you feel you're being too nice to others, but in fact you just feel that you can have your own choices and that others won't interfere with your own choices. And that's a good thing!

Be on the lookout for the gaslighting effect! People with a pleasing personality often have a strong sense of insecurity and find inner balance through pleasing others.

But here's the thing: there is a price to pay for trying to please everyone and hoping that others will be nice to you. It's an irresponsible expectation, and when you realize that your expectations haven't been met, you'll feel a whole lot of loss and frustration.

I'm sure you've already felt it, and I'm excited to tell you that you can overcome it! Insecurity can be exacerbated, but you can take control and feel confident again.

Your boyfriend will use his detachment to make you feel insecure and thus be able to control you. But you can take back control! Your pattern of interaction will also become painful, but you can change it.

I think you feel the pain too! And you know what? You don't have to meet everyone's demands.

You do your own thing, and you can make choices in your life! For example, when your boyfriend asks you to do something, you can refuse by saying you are busy.

If you're not happy with your boyfriend and he tries to push you away, don't let it get you down! The right people will stick by you because you're awesome just the way you are.

Don't waste your time pouring your heart out to someone who doesn't like you! You've got your own opinions, so don't blindly give to a painful relationship.

Once you become aware and start, the future will be absolutely amazing! Believe in yourself, learn to believe in yourself, and support yourself to grow!

The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

Right now, you can see your situation and think about it. I don't think this means you can't feel yourself, but it shows you can feel yourself.

You said that you think your partner is more important than you are and that you don't even have time to take care of your inner child. When you realized this was an issue, I think you knew you needed to make a change. Love your partner by loving yourself first. Take care of our inner selves first, and then we will be able to love others.

From what you've said, it seems like your subconscious mind is telling you that achieving for others is more important than achieving for yourself. You've also found evidence from your early experiences to back up this idea. You've even told yourself that this is true for you and that your current relationship with your partner is making you feel like you're repeating this pattern. This current pattern is probably making you feel very confused and frustrated, and you don't want to continue like this.

From what you've said, it's clear you want to make a change. I can see you've thought this through and have a plan in place. What you might need now is some support and encouragement from others to help you stay motivated and keep going with the changes.

It takes time to switch between old and new modes, and to become the person you want to be, you need to have a solid foundation of ideals and beliefs. It's not just about having the time, but also having the courage to put it into practice.

When we change, we're stepping out of our comfort zone and facing an unknown future. The unknown means risk and uncertainty. This kind of change is something we've never experienced before, so we know that our comfort zone is toxic, but we just can't continue because we really don't want to take the risk of the unknown. Plus, our family may not be "willing" for us to change because this is also a new challenge and risk for them.

But change is like two gears meshing together. The rotation of one affects the other, inevitably.

On top of that, we also have to deal with habituation, which makes it harder for us to change. We tend to think that it's more important to help others than to focus on our own needs. Our brains are already wired this way, and now you're suggesting that we change that pattern. It's a lot of work! Our bodies and minds will naturally resist this change because it's not easy.

Once we understand what's holding us back, we can start to make changes. We give ourselves the confidence to make gradual changes, accept that we might stagnate or even regress, and allow our family and partner time to adapt to our changes. This makes change much more manageable.

In any case, when we take the initiative to change, it actually means that we move on from the past and embrace a new future. Go for it!

I hope you'll be able to make some changes and see some growth soon.

When you question whether achieving others is more important than achieving yourself and describe yourself as "lost," you already have a direction in your heart.

Take care of yourself when you take care of others.

People tend to think that taking care of others is the norm. They only realize they need to take care of themselves when they feel unhappy.

You feel lost because you've only taken care of other people, not yourself. What does this look like?

How do you not lose yourself?

Imagine you're still the same person but happy. Is that possible?

Is there something you can do to make yourself feel good? For example, the love of your partner.

The self's sense of worth is not only gained through family, but also through work and financial independence.

The sense of loss and emptiness that is vaguely felt is what you need. Only after clarifying the real problem can you ask whether it can be obtained and how.

If you stop taking care of others, will you become a better person?

You still need to do something to get what you want and prove yourself.

Can you take care of others and yourself at the same time? It's not uncommon. You can do both at the same time.

Then there should be balance.

Caring for others is not a mistake, but coercive care is.

You mentioned some unhappy experiences growing up as an older sister. Could your family's attitudes and actions have forced or distorted your views and behavior?

Or are you used to it, or afraid your partner will react like your mother or brother? Have you had a similar experience with your partner?

Is this about past experiences or childhood inequality? Is the problem you or your partner?

If you need to adjust your initiative and change the feeling of coercion, or find someone else to help.

Caring for someone is not a mistake.

Hello, girl. We must hug for ten minutes because you and I are so similar. I am also an older sister. Since childhood, I have always taken care of my younger siblings. After marriage, I have loved my husband like a younger brother.

I admire your awakening, and I know you can take the next step: practical action. Let's get started.

I'm going to explore this with you, and I want your full participation.

We learned to love our family and younger siblings at a young age, neglecting ourselves. That was our survival mode, learned from our original family. We became sensible children who were liked by our family because of this mode. That was the cause and effect of our pleasing personalities. We were too young to take care of ourselves at that time, but we took care of our family. Now we understand that we are the children who should be taken care of the most. We need to learn to express ourselves and learn to take care of ourselves. Let's start with the little things in life.

You already know that loving others is more important than loving yourself. It's not easy to change, but it's worth it. When you're in a relationship with a loved one, it's important to treat him as a friend. Friends and family have mutual respect, limited giving, and consideration for the needs of others. With boundaries and moderation, you can gradually withdraw from his life. Give your loved ones a free and independent living space. Give yourself a chance to catch your breath.

If we force too much love on him, he will feel suffocated. Just the right amount of love is enough.

Learning to love yourself is a technical task. People with a pleasing personality do things for themselves, sometimes feeling uneasy inside, thinking that they are being selfish. This is a mistake. You must remind yourself that you cannot give what you don't have. You need to fill your own bucket first. Then you will have extra water to flow out and nourish others. You will also be able to love yourself with a clear conscience.

You need to figure out how to do it yourself.

Love you. Give yourself a hug, too, for being such a conscious and good girl.

Hello, questioner!

First, give yourself a big pat on the back for your awakening! It's the beginning of something great. Awakening is the start of spiritual growth and breakthrough!

You are so aware that your early upbringing involved taking excessive care of your younger brother!

This relationship pattern has been transferred to your current relationship with your boyfriend, making you particularly tired and particularly

You are at a loss because you know deep down that you have lost your self, right?

The confusion that arises from the lack of self comes from the problem of unclear boundaries. Perhaps, as you said, in your early

During the course of growing up, I took excessive care of my younger brother in order to win my mother's approval and acceptance. This led to the formation of a pseudo-self, which is an amazing opportunity for growth!

This false self often ignores one's own feelings, and thus has no boundaries of the self. But there's hope! We can break this cycle and start living to meet our own needs.

Ready to break the cycle? Let's do this!

First, you get to find out where your amazing self is and more firmly establish the boundaries between your self and others. Whenever you can't help but take on

It's so important to be aware of and reflect on other people's responsibilities and obligations!

Every time you give, you reward the other person and reinforce their dependence on you. So, every time you give, you're also strengthening your own independence!

Have you taught them to become overly dependent on you?

When you can't help but want to help your lover, take a moment to reflect on:

What are his own responsibilities and obligations? What is his own business? Behind the scenes, what is the [...]

Now, let's dive deeper and explore what motivates you. What kind of fear controls you and makes you do it?

Second, think about living for yourself!

Make a list of all the amazing things you want to do! Do one thing that makes you happy, and go out there and satisfy your own needs!

And finally, learn to say "no" to unreasonable requests from others!

People who have no sense of boundaries are usually so eager to please and interact with others that they'll happily agree to any request, no matter how unreasonable.

This is an amazing opportunity for you to try to muster the courage to learn to say no to others. Saying no to others is the same as creating distance with them, so as to better

Live out your true self!

The above analysis is for reference only due to the limitations of the data, but it's still a great starting point!

I'm Consultant Yao, and I'm here to cheer you on and support you every step of the way!

People often say, "I know what my unconscious is, but the problem is still not solved." Why is this?

The subconscious doesn't always make decisions. We know ice cubes don't melt just because they're there. The same is true of the subconscious.

If you don't get enough love as a child, you'll always feel inferior. But you can learn to be independent by working with a therapist to heal your relationship with your mother.

You can be your own mother and nourish yourself.

You've realized your relationship with your boyfriend is like your relationship with your younger brother. This is the first step. You're aware of the repetition of patterns. Ask yourself if you're afraid your boyfriend will isolate you and treat you coldly.

What about your boyfriend's upbringing? If he is dependent and will retreat and neglect you, can you distinguish between what is his and what is yours?

If you show less concern for him, he will withdraw, and you will feel guilty!

You don't have to sacrifice yourself for your brother. That's the parents' job.

You said, "Everyone thinks you should be a good sister and take care of your brother." This is a male-dominated mindset! Who says girls have to take care of boys?

Love means taking care of and giving to each other. A relationship where one person is doing all the giving will run into problems!

In relationships, you should also know if you often don't allow yourself to be loved and cared for. This is something you can work on.

Hello!

The questioner felt a strong sense of tension when writing this text, and they were excited to share it with us!

You have seen, and in the face of current intimate relationships, a cycle of patterns from your family of origin has emerged. This is an amazing opportunity for you to sort through the dilemmas you faced in your family of origin and help yourself!

It takes a lot of courage to do self-analysis, but it's worth it!

In your heart, you have the opportunity to heal the thorns caused by your original family.

You mentioned the past, and I'm excited to be able to accompany you and take care of yourself!

You mentioned the past, and I'm so excited to be able to accompany you and take good care of yourself!

1. As an "older sister," you've got some scars in your life, but you're still going strong!

You are a person, a life, and you need the care of your parents as you grow up—and you will get it!

But in order to gain recognition, they are offered a quid pro quo: they must be nice to their younger brothers. A weight of 10,000 catties is placed on their minds, but they are up for the challenge!

If your mother is democratic and open-minded, and doesn't interfere or make awkward demands, a girl with a kind nature will be friendly towards her brothers—and it'll be a beautiful thing to see!

It's that excessive demand and every possible means of demanding that make you feel humiliated and collapse—and it's time for a change!

"Trying desperately to be nice to your brother," "putting your brother first in everything," and "being forced to make sacrifices." I can truly empathize with how you feel, and it's heartbreaking. But you're going to get through this!

"Others have persuaded me to give in to my mother." You have chosen to confide in others in order to gain the understanding you deserve, and you will gain it! Instead of being lectured, you will learn to love your mother.

Oh, if only they could see that it's because you love your mother and don't want her to cry or be angry that you sacrifice yourself again and again, to the point where in many cases you lose yourself and feel sad in private!

People love the idea of filial piety, but they're afraid of being blamed and causing trouble. This is an excessive worry on the part of others.

Absolutely! We can totally understand the principle of filial piety towards one's parents.

At the same time, you get to distinguish yourself from your mother and understand how important a bright heart is!

2. The exciting journey of gaining and losing in intimate relationships

You mentioned that you are not yet self-sufficient, which seems to mean that you are not currently living independently and are not yet old enough to work and earn money. Is that how it should be understood? I'm so excited to hear more about your journey!

Treating him as more important than yourself is a great way to show your love and appreciation!

One of his looks, a tone of voice tinged with resentment, can trigger the pattern of facing the people in your family of origin. But here's the good news: if you're satisfied, you'll be fine!

It's time to stop the pattern of "if you're satisfied, you'll be fine," and take your time!

It's time for a fresh start! Let's form a new model for our response to relationships. Let me think, what are my needs?

That's what makes relationships so exciting! They're all about flexibility.

For example, eating two meat buns for breakfast every day would become boring in an era of plenty. But here's the thing: people would then not really appreciate how happy they were to have meat buns to eat!

But if this meat bun is worth it, you'll be happy you made the trip! You'll get to stand in line and buy it once a month at the end of the month, and you'll enjoy the process.

The great news is that you don't need to meet the other person's needs without restraint.

Instead of immediately responding to your partner's needs as soon as you hear them, take your time to consider them. It's a great idea!

Take it easy! Take a moment to catch your breath.

Think about what you need!

The answer to this question may not be the same in every moment, but the mainstay is you! When you give yourself time to think, the relationship may also develop in the direction you need.

I'm so excited to tell you all about the amazing benefits of having a sense of relaxation in your relationship! When we attach more and more importance to our relationships, we tend to overdo it, and the other person will feel a lot of pressure. This creates resistance, so it's really important to make sure you're taking care of yourself and your partner.

Let the relationship develop naturally! Sometimes, take a step back and let the other person take the lead. And sometimes, don't be afraid to speak up and share your needs.

Balancing a relationship is challenging, but it's also one of the most rewarding things you can do! As you gradually emerge from the shadow of your family of origin, you will discover the world's many wonders and embrace the challenges with an optimistic outlook.