Living day by day with Mom, I feel as if I have no self-respect...

Good day.

Please accept my sincere regards.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the cornerstone of personal growth.

From your description, I can discern a sense of disappointment, negativity, despair, helplessness, pain, and a pervasive feeling of being overwhelmed.

I will not delve into the specifics of your frustration with the current situation. However, I do have three pieces of advice to offer:

Firstly, I recommend that you attempt to gain a deeper understanding of your own situation and provide yourself with some much-needed reassurance.

This will help you to consider your next steps with a lighter heart.

You have indicated that the only mother has a terminal illness, and you are still experiencing depression and unable to improve your situation. Your father was a positive influence and was kind to you, but he is no longer available to assist you. You are now responsible for providing care for your family, including your mother, and addressing your own depression. This is a challenging situation. If you were in a different situation, you would likely have similar feelings of disappointment and negativity. It is difficult for anyone to maintain a positive outlook when faced with life's challenges. To cope effectively, you need to understand your emotions, provide yourself with comfort, and recognize that your difficult self is in pain but temporarily unsure of how to cope. This will give you the mental energy to consider other options, otherwise your mind will be consumed by negative emotions.

It is crucial to understand that allowing yourself to understand and accept yourself will facilitate change in the current situation. This may seem counterintuitive, but it is, in fact, the key to effecting change. Change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I recommend that you rationalize your current situation.

By taking a rational approach to your situation, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the reality of the situation.

To gain a rational perspective on the situation, it is essential to undertake the following two steps:

Firstly, it is important to understand that no parent is perfect and to accept this as a reality.

From your description, it is evident that you have some dissatisfaction with your mother. It is natural for children to desire a mother who loves them unconditionally. However, it is important to recognize that not all mothers are capable of providing this level of love due to their own limitations. Some mothers may not be able to love their children properly due to a lack of knowledge or understanding. It is crucial to accept your mother's limitations and recognize that she is not capable of providing the level of love you desire. This acceptance is not for your mother's sake, but for your own. By accepting this reality, you will be able to move forward with your life without the burden of unmet expectations. This will free up energy and allow you to focus on your own growth and well-being.

Secondly, it is important to understand that the current situation can be changed, as you have the ability to effect that change.

I empathize with your feelings of despair and helplessness. However, your decision to seek assistance indicates a desire to alter the circumstances. This desire marks the initial stage of a transformation. When you take the initiative, your circumstances will gradually evolve.

A rational assessment of the situation may help to resolve any negative emotions.

I reiterate my recommendation that you focus on yourself and consider how you can improve your situation.

When you conduct a rational assessment of your circumstances, you may also be able to identify the appropriate course of action. At this juncture, it is advisable to focus on your own efforts and strive to implement the necessary changes.

As an example, you can communicate with your mother in a sincere manner, expressing your true feelings, including your dissatisfaction with her. When communicating with her, it is important to understand her perspective. This will help her "hear" what you are saying. Additionally, it is advisable to start sentences with "I" and discuss your feelings in depth, avoiding or minimizing the use of "you." This will prevent her from feeling rejected or accused, which could hinder communication. The primary objective of communication is not to make her change and then love you (if she can change for the better), but rather for your own benefit. This will help you express negative emotions and subsequently experience a sense of relief.

Another option is the empty chair therapy, which involves visualizing an ideal father figure who provides love and guidance. This approach may also help to improve your emotional state.

It would also be beneficial to identify reliable family and friends in your network. As you mentioned in your description, you previously confided in a relative, but the result was that you were blocked and felt very uncomfortable. It is uncommon to find individuals who can provide the level of support you require, so I still suggest that you find an external support system.

It is also important to prioritize your own well-being, acknowledge your feelings, meet your needs, and respect your feelings. By doing so, you will gradually learn to love and care for yourself. It is crucial to avoid the temptation of running away, as you are the primary decision-maker in your life. Furthermore, you have the support of the world and me, and you have the capacity to live a fulfilling life. In short, it is essential to recognize that you have the ability to take action to improve your current situation.

Once you begin taking action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally dissipate, as action is often the most effective antidote to such emotions.

I hope this response is of assistance to you. Should you wish to discuss this further, you are invited to click on the "Find a Coach" link at the bottom of the page, which will enable us to communicate directly.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your question. Best regards,

I have carefully reviewed your story and want to thank you for placing your trust in our platform. I admire your strength and understand your situation. I want to offer you my support and encouragement.

Your current situation is undoubtedly challenging. You are facing significant difficulties, including depression, while also caring for your terminally ill mother and dealing with her negative thinking and childish behavior.

It is important to note that modifying cognitive patterns is a challenging process. An individual's character is shaped by early upbringing and subsequent life experiences, and it does not change rapidly. Unless there is a conscious decision to alter these patterns, it may be difficult for the individual to make significant changes.

Given that my mother is now terminally ill, there is minimal motivation to make changes. Instead, I choose to accept her as she is, understand her actions, and recognize the limitations of her behavior.

It is important to respect your parents' decisions and recognize that you have the ability to make different choices. You have the potential to create a different life trajectory than your parents and achieve a life that is fulfilling and rewarding in its own way.

Depression is a treatable condition. It is essential to develop a positive mindset, utilize personal resources, seek professional assistance, and implement a multifaceted approach to overcome this challenge.

You are a complete individual with the ability to solve your own problems. Believe in your ability to succeed!

I am sending you my best wishes for a speedy recovery and the opportunity to embark on a new chapter in your life.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing, but I know who I am.

Your relationship with your mother presents a range of challenges. It's crucial to identify the source of your distress and direct it constructively.

Conflicts can be resolved with the right understanding and support.

In the description, we used the sentence "the only mother has terminal illness." This sentence describes your current situation, and I can see your helplessness at this moment. Your mother is your only relative at the moment, and now she is already suffering from terminal illness. You have limited time together, and it's unclear how long this will last.

Then you express yourself. This is one way to express your emotions and another way to break the ice with your mother and form a good mother-daughter relationship. In the description, we see that this mother doesn't know how to be a good mother. She looks for protection everywhere because she lacks self-security. In the end, her daughter becomes her refuge and safe haven.

However, in the process, the daughter's world has experienced emotional changes that her mother is unaware of and unable to comprehend.

When we encounter such a mother, we must avoid sweeping generalizations. I have not experienced the despair and loss you feel inside, and I cannot advise you on what to do. What I can tell you is that the good and bad, right and wrong, of other people cannot be used as a reason for not loving ourselves. It is precisely because of other people's perfection that we need to work harder. Accept your mother's imperfections. Be more patient with her in the last moments of her life. Let go of the anger that has built up in your heart for many years and guide your mother to try to create some happy moments together. First, change our perception.

Love yourself.

The proposition of loving yourself is too broad, but you must know that the foundation of loving yourself is being able to make yourself happy. Don't punish yourself for things in the past that you can't decide. No matter what kind of father and mother you meet, this is fate given to us, and there is no way to change it. What can be changed is to be happier when spending time with your parents.

It is natural for a child to long for the love of his mother and father. Describing your current ability to feel the love from your mother as abnormal and immature is hurtful. Use your current abilities to work with your mother to build a happy time together.

Loving your mother is loving yourself. The love your mother gives you will make you feel more joy and happiness. Love gives love back, and blessings bring blessings.

My depression was caused by a long-standing grudge. I am the one who started it and I am the one who will end it. If we can find the root of the problem, we can cure it naturally by tackling it head-on. It will be difficult to change your perception of yourself and your mother at the same time, but because it is difficult, the sweetness of the future is all the more enchanting. So just work hard.

When the mountain is heavy and the water deep, there seems to be no way through. But I assure you, at the end of the tunnel there is a bright village. Give it a try, and you will see a different world.

Best wishes.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in response to your recent query. Please do not hesitate to contact me if I can be of further assistance. Kind regards,

My name is Xiaobai, and I am here to help. I hope that I can alleviate your concerns.

I have carefully reviewed your question and would like to extend a supportive gesture.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer you some suggestions which I hope will be of assistance.

Mutual understanding and good communication are essential for a productive relationship.

Your mother is also a first-time mother. Despite the numerous shortcomings, the bond of blood remains strong. While your mother may not meet your expectations in many respects,

However, you have indicated that she is currently terminally ill. I am unaware of the specifics of the illness, but there may still be a possibility of a cure. Regardless, it is important to provide care and support to your mother, even if you have a number of concerns. I believe it is essential to maintain a positive and supportive relationship with her.

Do your utmost to be a source of warmth and support for your mother. Fulfill your responsibilities as a child.

Do not be overly concerned. It is important to communicate effectively with your mother. Clearly express your need for her love and care, and indicate that her actions are causing you distress. Open communication is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

It is imperative that you live your life to the fullest.

1. Avoid placing excessive pressure on yourself. If you feel fatigued, reduce your pace. Avoid placing undue pressure on yourself, particularly in professional or personal endeavors. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Adopt a positive outlook and streamline your tasks. Avoid dwelling on multiple issues at once. Focus on the present and let go of past concerns.

2. It is important to ensure that you get sufficient rest. If you feel tired, it is essential to take care of yourself and get enough rest, particularly at night.

Even for adults, a sudden and unexpected breakdown can occur. This can be likened to the accumulation of snow on a branch, which eventually gives way under the weight of a single flake.

Please do not be discouraged. Believe that no one in this world is an island, that there are always people who care about you, and that there are always things worth exploring. Do not easily choose to give up on all this.

Our ancestors made significant sacrifices for the current peaceful era, and our homeland is now experiencing positive developments. It's a remarkable transformation. The world is vast, and financial success requires dedicated effort. I encourage you to witness these changes firsthand.

It is important to recognize that every event has two sides. While it may seem distressing in the moment, it is possible that in the long run, the outcome may not be as negative as initially perceived.

It is important to seek assistance when needed, rather than attempting to cope with challenges alone.

In conclusion, I hope you will find these views and suggestions helpful.

My name is Xiaobai, and I am free of concerns. I have a positive outlook on the world and its people.

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I want to start by saying that I can totally relate to the complex feelings you're experiencing. I also want to give you a big pat on the back for being brave enough to express yourself and actively seek help on the platform. This is such an important step in understanding yourself better and making some appropriate adjustments. Keep up the great work!

I'd also love to share my thoughts from the post, which I hope will help you see things from a different angle.

1. Please express your "complaints" in a reasonable way.

From your post, I can see that you mentioned that I often complained about her attitude towards me when I was young, and her attitude towards handling things. She always avoided them. I can understand why you might think she wasn't the best mother. I feel that I can't get rid of her negative thinking and childish character. When I was young, whenever she had a fight with my father, she either ran away from home or suppressed me, telling me to take her side. I often had to take care of her emotions.

After reading this, I totally get where you're coming from. I can see that my mom is still a bit emotionally immature, too.

The poor host had a really tough time when she was young, and she still has some depressive emotions. It has been a real challenge for her over the years.

So, now we can go together and see what we can do for ourselves.

The host might try to express his feelings about his mother in a calm and reasonable way. For example, he could write down what he wants to say to his mother, how he feels about her, and other emotions.

Writing is a great way to listen to our emotions and express them at the same time. It's often a really helpful way to feel better.

2. It's also a good idea to learn to separate tasks.

From reading the post, it seems like the poster was always the one taking care of his mother's emotions, from childhood to adulthood. It's so important to take care of ourselves from a psychological point of view.

It's so important to take care of ourselves so that we have more energy to take care of others. And when it comes to our mothers, we may need to take care of her life.

It's also important to learn to separate from our mothers emotionally. If we can't handle our mothers' negative emotions and take them on, our own emotions may also become very bad.

So it's important to learn to emotionally separate from our mothers and distinguish between what is her business and what is our own business.

3. And last but not least, learn to find the good things in life!

The original poster mentioned his father in the post. His father was a great guy who took care of himself and was good at taking care of himself. He was also very good, but unfortunately he passed away. This is a very sad thing.

From a certain point of view, the warmth that our father gave us is still with us, isn't it? It's so lovely to think that the warmth he gave us by taking care of us will always be with us.

The wonderful support that Dad gave us will always be with us, and he taught us how to take care of ourselves. But now that he is gone, should we continue to take care of ourselves the way Dad taught us?

Take care of yourself in the way that Dad takes care of us, and be your own best friend. We can tell Dad what's on our minds.

You can even write to your father and communicate with him in this way. I really do think the original poster will feel more supported.

I truly believe that your dad also hopes you are happy and content.

I really hope these words will be helpful and inspiring for you!

Hello, question asker! I'm so happy to answer your question.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're facing some really tough challenges right now. It's so sad to hear about your father passing away, your mom's illness, and your own struggles with depression. It's truly admirable that you're taking care of your mom in this difficult time.

The author's experience reminds me of a saying I love: "Those who can't hit me will eventually make me strong." I have no doubt that the unyielding author will get through this difficult time.

I'm not sure how severe the OP's depression is. If you have the chance, it's a good idea to go to the hospital for a diagnosis. If one hospital doesn't work, you can find several more. I'm here to give you a big hug and some strength!

Life can be so tough, and the future still holds so much for the OP. It's sad to say that depression is becoming more and more common in China these days, and it's often the case that the OP is not the only one.

If you're going through a rough patch and feel like you need some help, the domestic helpline 12338 is there for you.

Since this question was asked on a platform, I'd like to offer some advice to the OP on how to cope with his depressed mood.

I'm here for you, and I'm sending you all the love and support I can.

I'm not sure if you've been diagnosed with depression, but I just wanted to share some tips that might help. Sadness for no reason is a symptom of depression, so it's good to be aware of it.

Depression can make you feel really down and like you just don't care about anything at all. It can affect your daily life and last for a few years or even six months.

If you're experiencing any of these symptoms, it's important to recognize that you might be struggling with depression.

Depression is a disease, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's so important to understand that depression is a physical illness, just like the flu. It's not simply a mental illness; it's also a physical illness that needs to be treated.

Depression is caused by problems with neurotransmission, which can lead to hormonal imbalances in the body. Many diseases in the human body are caused by hormonal imbalances, so it's really important to look after yourself!

Depression can also be caused by genetics, which means there's often a family history. It's important to remember that it's not your fault if you suffer from depression. It's more likely to be inherited from your family.

It's so important to see a doctor.

If you really feel that you have depression, I would highly recommend that you seek medical treatment as soon as possible. I know it can be difficult, but if you want to live a better life in the future, I really believe that you should get help.

It's really important to go to the hospital and chat with the doctor about your situation. They can help you figure out if your depression is caused by physical reasons.

If your doctor prescribes medication for you, be sure to take it as directed. You can even purchase your prescription online, which is often cheaper than at the hospital.

It's a great idea to make an appointment with your doctor for a follow-up consultation. You should also go back for a follow-up consultation after taking the medicine for a certain period of time. Don't worry, depression is not terrible. As long as you actively cooperate with the doctor's advice and take the medicine, it can definitely be cured.

Let's talk about psychological intervention.

It's also a great idea to look into psychological intervention, which is a way of helping people with depression through listening and counseling.

Psychological intervention is a great way to help you feel more satisfied with your life, take control of your destiny, reduce the stress in your life, alleviate the symptoms of depression, and do psychological counseling. During counseling, you'll gain an in-depth understanding of your behaviors and thoughts, interpersonal relationships, and life experiences. After counseling, you'll be able to better understand your depressive symptoms and make decisions more clearly.

Your counselor is there for you! Talk to them openly about your thoughts and problems. You'll find your way to solving your life problems and achieving your goals if you just keep going!

It's also a great idea to get some exercise!

We all know how important it is to stay active! Not only does it help us feel good, but it can also help reduce depressive moods. So, get moving, find your favorite exercise, and exercise regularly (several times a week). You've got this!

Sports like jogging, swimming, walking, gardening, and more can really help!

Make sure you get enough sleep!

It's so important to get enough sleep! Not getting enough sleep can really take a toll on our physical and mental health. It can leave us feeling physically exhausted and more likely to fall into a depressed mood.

It's so important to get enough sleep! Studies have shown that we can actually clean up the waste produced in our brains when we sleep. So, make sure you're getting enough shut-eye!

You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.

It's so important to learn to accept yourself, do more of the things you like, and find the goal and meaning of your life in the things you like. And don't forget to accept your current state, and when you are in a low mood, do something to please yourself.

Another great way to make yourself happy is to treat yourself to something sweet! Not only do sweet things make your body feel happy, but they also make you feel happy too. It's so important to make yourself happy!

Please, don't let negative emotions take over your life.

I just want to say again that if you're having suicidal thoughts, please call the national helpline, 12338.

I really hope my answer helps the person who asked the question.

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first.

It's okay to feel the pain and unfairness of a mother who wasn't able to love you or who didn't show you love.

Your mother wasn't very sensitive to your emotions when you were young. She didn't give you much support or respond to you in a loving way. This made you feel really lacking and deprived of love. But it also made you develop the ability and awareness to be empathetic, considerate, and able to read people's emotions and respond appropriately. You longed for what your mother could not give you, so you gave it to yourself through your own efforts. You grew up to be your mother's "mother" and gave her strong emotional support, response, and comfort. Your mother's immature emotions and ways of dealing with things made you, as her daughter, suffer too much. You bore emotional distress and life pressures that were far beyond your own age range. This was a lot for you to handle.

It's so important to remember that we can only take on so much pressure. If we take on more than we can handle, it can really take a toll on us. It's also important to remember that we need to be supported by our inner selves and others around us. If we don't have that support, we can end up feeling emotionally devastated.

So, accepting yourself means accepting the fact that you have an unloved, unloving mother. It's okay! Parents and the original family are something that no one can choose. Then try to repay yourself through your own efforts. You've got this!

For example, you can keep a mood diary on a regular basis to better record your emotional feelings. This will not only help you to better experience, perceive and feel your emotions, but also explore the needs hidden behind them, so as to seek ways and methods to better respond to and meet your inner needs. That is, when you are tired and feel drained, take a moment for yourself. Listen to your body and mind, and allow yourself not to respond to the needs of others, even if she is your mother, because only when you can take care of yourself and comfort your inner self, can you better respond to and meet the needs of others, right?

It's so important to express your true feelings to your mother, especially when her words or actions make you feel uncomfortable or hurt. She might not realize the harm she's caused you, so it's up to you to let her know.

You can also express the grievances that she has been unloved, unheeded, disrespected, misunderstood, and unsupported all along by writing a letter to the wounded child inside you. Go hug the wounded, aggrieved little girl hiding in the corner and tell her that today she is no longer that weak and helpless little girl. Today she has the strength and resources to give herself the understanding, support, and love she wants. That is to try to treat yourself in the way you long to be treated.

For example, treat yourself with the same respect and kindness you would show to anyone else. Give yourself the same consideration and love you would give to a dear friend.

I'd highly recommend reading the book "Losing Control of Your Life to Your Parents" if you get a chance!

I hope my sharing gives you some support and help. I love you, the world and I love you.

I'm so grateful you trusted me enough to answer your question and gave us the chance to chat.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It's so hard to find the calm when you're going through so much. I can only imagine how you're feeling, with your mother being terminally ill, your father having passed away, and you still trying to pull through depression.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It's so hard to find the calm when you're going through so much. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be the sole caregiver for your mother, especially with your father having passed away. And on top of that, you're still trying to navigate the challenges of depression. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you all the love and support I can.

It's so hard when you don't have anyone to turn to, and even those you confide in can't really understand what you're going through.

I know it's tough for you to go it alone.

In the face of despair, your tenacity and unyielding spirit are the strength that will see you through. These are qualities that belong within you and may help you get through the current difficulties. We're here to support you in dealing with the problems you face today.

Firstly, stick with your depression treatment and try to keep a calm head.

First, stick with your depression treatment and try to keep a relatively calm state of mind.

I'm not sure if the OP is referring to depressed mood or depression. If it's the latter, it's totally okay! Depression is a common mental illness, and it has a biological basis. That means it can't be dealt with through self-help. But don't worry! There are lots of ways to get better. One of them is through systematic long-term treatment.

So, if you're struggling with depression, it's really important to keep up with your treatment and get some medical help. This can really help you to stay stable and keep your emotions in check.

Secondly, it's so important to support each other in life while also maintaining a little psychological distance.

Your mom has a terminal illness, and there are also some things she needs to work through as she grows up. It's okay if she can't turn things around in the short term.

As a child, you were the one who took care of your mom. This wasn't just because of your status, but also because you felt responsible and loved her deeply.

However, even with love, it is possible to help yourself and your mother maintain a mental distance from each other during this process. The inner ecological microenvironment: When no one can help you guard it together, we may have to rely more on ourselves to establish interpersonal boundaries with others, and even mothers must maintain this sense of boundary.

And finally, remember to take good care of yourself! If you can, find a professional counselor you can talk to.

And finally, take good care of yourself! If you can find a professional counselor you can talk to and confide in, that would be a great idea.

It can be really tough to live with a lack of a strong social support system. The good news is that if you have the right conditions and are ready to make the commitment, you can get the help you need through psychological counseling. A professional psychologist will be there for you, listening to your story, offering guidance, and providing the support you need to navigate life's ups and downs.

I'm not a psychologist who explores human nature. I'm a spiritual therapist who cares for the human heart. I wish you well!

Everyone has their moments of emotional distress, and that's okay!

There are so many simple ways to regulate your mood! Try going to bed early, getting up early, getting some sun, and exercising regularly in moderation.

It's amazing what a difference this can make! You can regulate your mood just by imagining happy things that have happened in the past, happy things that may happen in the future, and the beautiful things you like.

For example, if you like a celebrity, imagine them smiling and happy. Then when you're unhappy, keep thinking about it and imprint the beauty on your mind! This will fill your heart and mind with these beautiful things, and these beautiful things will help you drive the bad emotions out of your mind!

Build a warm harbor in your heart! Just like a child, you feel secure when you see your parents, even though you don't feel secure. You can also keep everything you like in your heart, so that you can be with them all the time. This way, you will have a warm harbor where you can take refuge from the wind and rain. When you're feeling down, just keep thinking about these beautiful things and keep them firmly in your mind!

The best part is that it doesn't cost any money, you don't have to give anything up, you can do it anytime, anywhere, and it's not bad for you!

You can start right now! Think about all the things you love, all the happy moments from your past, and all the amazing things you hope will happen. Let your mind run free and imagine all of this. You'll feel the joy when you do!