Marriage is disappointing, being a good person is exhausting, what's the point?

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It is truly amazing to be able to play your own bad hand! You say that you only have negative thoughts in your heart right now, and you feel that you lack the ability to create happiness. Since you have already become aware of this part of yourself, we need to see that our thoughts are something we can adjust and control, and that our own happiness can also be created by ourselves. We don't need to rely on them to give it to us, but we can learn to create it ourselves!

Furthermore, when we are in an intimate relationship, we will inevitably encounter a lot of conflicts and contradictions. This is normal and to be expected. The good news is that we don't need to avoid these conflicts. What we do need to do is embrace them! We need to understand the other person through conflicts and contradictions with the other person. This will help us to understand the other person and see the other person's needs in the relationship. In this way, we can promote the development of the relationship. Good communication and effective communication are very important. They enable you to cooperate better in the relationship and nourish each other better.

You say that you can control very few things, and when life is surrounded by these things that you cannot control, it can indeed feel very tedious and passive. But there is a way to turn this around! We can create things that we can control and focus on the things that we can control. This will satisfy our need for autonomy and make us feel more secure, grounded, and content within.

I've got some great advice for you!

Your thoughts are not you. They can be changed and adjusted, and you can completely replace negative thoughts with positive ones!

Rebuilding Your Life says that no matter what problem we have, we can change it! The root of the problem is our thoughts, and we can choose to think positive thoughts that shape our experiences. We can choose to see the world's many beauties!

When a person is inferior, it is actually a reflection of the thought that he hates and detests himself. This thought is saying, "I am a terrible person." This thought creates a feeling that makes us lose ourselves in it. But there's a way out! All you have to do is change the thought of hating yourself, and this negative emotion will go away!

But if he doesn't have this thought, he won't have this feeling. And when he doesn't have this feeling, he'll be free! All he has to do is change the thought of hating himself, and this negative emotion will go away.

It's time to realize that our thoughts are not who we are! We are the masters of our own minds. We can adjust and change our thoughts, abandon old ones, and control our brains by consciously choosing positive thoughts. We can form an alliance with our own strength and change the way we evaluate ourselves.

Absolutely! The world only accepts our own evaluation of ourselves. If you insist on believing that life is lonely and no one loves you, then your world is likely to be truly lonely and unloved—because you are hiding in the shadows, and the sun cannot shine on you. But if you are willing to abandon this old way of thinking, believe that "the world is full of love, people love you, and you love others," and firmly believe in this new belief, then your world will become like this: lovely people will come into your life, and the people who were already in your life will become even lovelier! You will find that it is easier for you to express your love for others.

But here's the good news! If you're ready to ditch that old way of thinking and embrace a new belief that the world is full of love, that people love you and you love others, and that this new way of thinking will bring lovely people and more love into your life, then it will! You'll find it easier to express your love for others.

Where you focus your attention is where you will grow!

Where you focus your attention is where you will grow!

In recent years, I've had the incredible opportunity to study psychology, and it's been a game-changer! I've discovered that when you shift your beliefs and thoughts, your attention naturally gravitates towards the positive and beautiful things in life. It's a total game-changer! You'll start living a more positive life and feeling more of the beauty that surrounds you.

2. The great news is that your happiness is in your own hands! You can obtain it without relying on others. You can feel the beauty in life and enhance your sense of well-being by recording three good things every day. You can also create opportunities in your life to do the things you like, nourish yourself, and take care of your needs.

From an evolutionary perspective, we are wired to focus on the negative because anxiety helped our ancestors in the primeval forest to avoid predators and escape floods. In modern society, there are really not so many dangers, but our anxiety-inducing genes are still there. Sometimes, we encounter just a "kitten," but we think we have encountered a "tiger." This is our instinct kicking in! It's great to focus on dangers and negative events because it has some advantages. But in order to improve our sense of happiness and feel more good things in this relatively safe modern society, we need to deliberately practice paying attention to the good and positive parts of life. This will help us not be bound by negative emotions and thoughts.

You can help yourself feel the beauty in life and enhance your sense of happiness by recording three good things that happened in your life every day! Before going to bed every night, record three good things that happened today. These could be as simple as eating a good meal, getting help from someone, helping someone yourself, making progress and growth in some areas, seeing beautiful scenery, or even your child's smile! You can also write down why this is a good thing and what you can do to continue to feel these good things. In this way, we will develop the habit of spontaneously noticing these ordinary but happy and beautiful things in life every day. Gradually, you'll feel more love and warmth in your heart!

And don't forget to take care of yourself! If you love to travel, then go for it! You don't have to tag along with your husband — go with friends or even take a short trip by yourself. You can also make time for the things you love every day. Do your favorite sports, read your favorite books, catch up with your good friends — whatever makes you happy!

I love answering questions! It makes me feel happy and gives me a sense of worth. So, I'm going to set aside a certain amount of time every day to answer questions. This will give me a sense of satisfaction and the strength to deal with the trivialities and worries of life.

3. The path to understanding and acceptance in a relationship is paved with learning how to get along with each other's shortcomings and communicating effectively to express our needs.

Existentialist therapist Irwin Yalom and his wife Marilyn were very different people with different preferences, but they stayed together for more than 60 years, always understanding and supporting each other. They took a month's annual leave each year. Marilyn liked to go to France, and Yalom liked to go to the islands, so they spent half the month in France and half the month on holiday—and they loved every minute of it!

They are always able to tolerate and understand each other, and when problems arise, they can discuss a win-win solution.

When we can stand in the other person's shoes and understand their actions, and we treat the other person as an independent individual rather than an object that serves us, then we can accept them rather than resent them—and it's a beautiful thing!

My husband likes to go out with his friends in the evenings to play mahjong. During the adjustment period, I didn't understand this at all and asked him many times to come home early in the evenings, but he didn't change his ways. He said, "He goes out to play mahjong to relax, because he is really tired from work during the day. Playing a few games of mahjong in the evenings seems to recharge him, leaving him relaxed and full of joy."

When I stand in his shoes and consider things from his perspective, I understand how difficult it is for him. But more importantly, I understand that we cannot change someone if they don't want to change themselves. And that's okay! All we can do is adjust our expectations.

When I consider things from his perspective, I understand how difficult it is for him. But more importantly, I understand that we cannot change someone if they don't want to change themselves. And that's okay! All we can do is adjust our expectations.

I stopped forcing him to do this and that and started respecting his needs instead. When he's not around, I arrange my time to do the things I like, and when he is, we share happy times together. It's a win-win! My husband is more relaxed when he goes to play mahjong, and he also takes my needs into account and doesn't come home too late. If I really have something urgent, he will cancel his mahjong appointment to help me solve the problem.

Absolutely! When we can understand each other, it's so much easier to accept each other for who we are.

Some say that when you are in love, you are together because of the other person's good points. But when you get married and live together, you have the incredible opportunity to learn to get along with each other's shortcomings!

When love reaches the stage of adjustment, it's time to let go of expectations and embrace each other's imperfections. This is when the magic happens!

Once we accept the other person, we can avoid a lot of arguments and unpleasantness, and our relationship will be much more harmonious! We need to understand that the other person has become who they are now due to a combination of genetic factors, upbringing, educational background, living environment, etc. It has taken so many years to form, so it's not easy for us to change him.

And when we truly understand, accept, respect, and love him, then change is bound to happen!

Once you understand, accept, and respect the other person, you'll find the perfect time to communicate and express yourself. Don't hold back! Let them know how you feel and what you need. If you keep your feelings to yourself, the other person will never know what they need to do to make you happy. And if your needs aren't met, you'll feel frustrated and unhappy. It's also important to listen to the other person. When you both listen to each other and try to meet each other's needs, the relationship will grow in a wonderful way.

I highly recommend the books "Managing Intimacy," "Nonviolent Communication," and "Crucial Conversations." They are truly enlightening and helpful!

I hope this is helpful for you! I wish you all the best in your journey to happiness!

Good day.

From your question, it seems that in the past you may not have had the ability to make yourself happy, and you also hoped to improve your state of happiness through marriage. However, it seems that marriage has brought you some challenges. I can see that you are feeling frustrated by some things in your marriage, for example, living with your in-laws. In fact, we can take the initiative to communicate with our partners and hope that they can give us both space to get along. Of course, if our partners do not respect us, it may be more difficult to achieve such a life.

It may also be the case that you and your husband have differing life goals, which can lead to disagreements. You may wish to travel independently and enjoy some time alone, while your husband might prefer you to live with his parents. While this may not seem problematic at first glance, it's important to consider the implications of always living with your parents. It could indicate a desire to remain dependent on your parents or a reluctance to become independent. It's also possible that your husband is concerned about your ability to leave your parents. It's essential to understand the underlying reasons behind our relationship with our parents and the factors that influence our decision to leave them.

It is important to be aware of our emotions and feelings, as well as our needs. We should not feel obliged to put ourselves in a low position. Regardless of our background, we are all equal and independent. We have all contributed to our family, and our husbands have also contributed. We have all contributed to our family on our own, and no one is enjoying the benefits or not contributing. We should therefore try to improve our own character and avoid belittling ourselves. As women, we do not have to make raising and educating children our main purpose. We should try to learn to be independent and have our own life goals. We should not depend on anyone, and we have our own spiritual needs.

It is not always easy to allow ourselves to feel happy and joyful. Learning to do so is a valuable skill that we can all benefit from.

If you are unable to perceive your own emotions and feelings, you may wish to consider seeking the help of a counselor. Through counseling, we can gain valuable insight into our current state of mind and the decisions we need to make. At the same time, it's important to recognize that both parties in a marriage can influence each other. By improving some relationships and learning some management skills, we can potentially bring about positive changes in the marriage.

I wish you the best.

The questioner's handwriting offers a unique opportunity to connect with them on a personal level.

A careful reading of this description evokes a sense of being stuck in a futile marriage, and it is evident that adjusting to this situation is a challenging undertaking.

Nevertheless, it is possible to articulate one's feelings in a marriage with clarity and specificity. You possess a noteworthy capacity for self-care, which, with dedication and effort, can facilitate your evolution into an elegant and composed individual within the context of the relationship.

Naturally, the vision you have imagined together remains a distant prospect at this stage. However, it may be worthwhile to consider this as a future goal, to be revisited once adjustments have been made.

Let us endeavor to discuss how we might approach the realization of this vision, based on the description provided.

At the outset of the description, the subject articulated a sentiment of exhaustion and negativity, accompanied by a perceived deficiency in the capacity to generate positive emotions. In light of this, three key inquiries emerge:

1. From the moment of birth until the present, what belief has served as your primary source of support?

2. What abilities are necessary to "create happiness"?

3. Please describe the characteristics of your ideal partner, who possesses the capacity to "create happiness."

The purpose of introducing these three points is to demonstrate that although fatigue and distress are two highly generalized emotions, they can be conceptualized in greater detail. By doing so, one's fundamental needs will become readily apparent.

Let us continue our discussion.

In your narrative, you indicate that as you have aged, you have experienced a sense of loneliness. This is in contrast to your younger years, when you felt supported by others. You have also expressed a belief that your life path has been one that is widely accepted as correct. You have described this path as one that you have gradually followed, despite experiencing challenges. You have also indicated that you believe you married at an appropriate age, with the expectation that it would bring you happiness. In light of these statements, I have a few questions:

a. What factors led you to seek the support of others during your formative years?

b. What was the source of the belief that provided you with the conviction that you were on the correct course of action?

c. What specific beliefs led you and your husband to decide to get married?

I mention these three points because I want to convey through them that all feelings have a root and all threads ultimately originate from a source. I am aware that you feel a sense of meaninglessness in your marriage, but its existence does not affect our thinking and tracing back. When we feel anxious and confused in a relationship, it is not a cause for concern. Instead, it is advisable to go back to the beginning and consider the reasons behind the initial decision to enter into the relationship.

Furthermore, you stated that "now that my child is a few years old, I feel that the essence of marriage is nothing more than parasitizing in the man's family to have children and raise them together. I am not capable of building a home on my own, and my husband will not do it either, because it will be very costly for him, financially and in terms of housework." Given this information, it is unclear what you believe to be the root cause of your feelings of being a parasite.

With regard to the two aspects of having children and raising them, although the details prior to the birth of the child are not available from the description provided, it seems possible to mention the excellent qualities of the husband in question, namely "helping with childcare, being responsible for the child, being filial, and taking care of the family." This would demonstrate that the wife still recognises certain positive attributes in her husband.

In light of the aforementioned, an alternative interpretation emerges: your preference for travel and the desire for a home that belongs to the two of you, as opposed to his inclination towards residing with his elders. It is evident that both of you have the autonomy to make your own choices. However, there is an opportunity for you to address the issue of establishing boundaries with your original family.

The establishment of boundaries is a clear and realistic topic, and I can certainly understand your husband's point of view in wanting to live with his parents. Given their advanced age, it is naturally more convenient for them to be looked after by their children. However, as you have expressed concern, there is a risk that your sense of self-control will be weakened in a combined family system.

It is an irrefutable fact that children are inherently affectionate towards their parents. However, there is no necessity to adhere to conventional norms when expressing this affection. In the modern age, with the advent of sophisticated communication technologies, individuals are able to convey their love for their parents at any given moment and from any location. It is my conviction that even after one has established an independent residence, the depth of one's affection for one's parents remains unwavering.

In response to this, I proffer three words for your consideration:

It is possible to engage in an open and honest dialogue with one's spouse regarding the subject of individual autonomy within the context of a small family unit.

In the context of communication, it is possible to express one's needs and ideas to one's husband. Should this be perceived as an overly direct approach, it may be more constructive to first gain an understanding of his perspective and then proceed to express one's own.

The establishment of buffers and boundaries in communication is contingent upon a duality of objectives: firstly, the facilitation of joint endeavours and secondly, the concession of autonomous spheres of action.

It must be acknowledged that individuals must learn to mature independently. Regardless of the ultimate decision reached by the couple, it will undoubtedly prove beneficial.

In instances of fatigue, it is imperative to prioritize self-care before attending to the needs of one's children and spouse. This sequence is crucial for maintaining energy levels and capacity to provide care for others.

It is important to note that while one cannot alter the behavior of others, one can always modify one's own actions.

It is my hope that, following the considerable effort and personal growth that will undoubtedly result from this process, you will become an elegant and composed individual. I made a similar assertion at the outset of this endeavour, and I reiterate it now because I am convinced that you will succeed.

I hope this message finds you well, and that we will have the opportunity to meet again soon.

Hello!

A gentle pat on the shoulder: This is a story with a longer time frame, which shows the process of the original poster's feelings changing. I'm happy to say that I've found some of the self that I've been lost for a long time. I'm excited to accept the self and live a fulfilling life!

1. We didn't get to explore our self-awareness as much as we would have liked.

I'm a girl, and I feel so tired being a person. I only have negative thoughts in my heart. I feel like I lack the ability to create happiness. When I was young, others catered to me, but now that I'm older, I feel lonely inside. I feel like I haven't gone wrong by experiencing different things at different ages in my life. I just followed the path that the public thinks is right, slowly played my bad hand, and caught up with marriage at the right age, thinking that I would be happy.

It's so important to embrace the journey of self-discovery that comes with being young. Before you turn 25, you'll gain a wealth of knowledge and experience that will help you understand yourself better. This is such a beautiful time to try new things, grow your abilities, and start to imagine a bright future. If you miss this period of self-exploration, it can be harder to understand your true desires and needs.

It seems like the questioner might have missed a period of self-integration before marriage. It's totally understandable! We all have so much going on in our lives, and it can be hard to find the time to think independently and make our own choices. The questioner followed the expectations of her parents and society and entered into marriage. Of course, when she encountered setbacks after marriage, she wondered if her decision before marriage was correct. This is precisely because she missed the opportunity to think carefully before making a decision and regrets it.

2. Not enough care in intimate relationships.

But now that my little one is a few years old, I feel that the essence of marriage is just about having children and raising them together in the man's family. I'm not really capable of building a home on my own, and my husband feels the same way.

It's so common for us modern folks to feel lonely. We try so hard to fill that emptiness by staying connected to others, fitting in, and keeping our distance from it. But when we lose that ability to be alone, it can feel like there's a gaping hole in our hearts. It's because we're struggling to accept ourselves, and that's something only we can do.

It's also true that many people feel lonely after marriage, but they don't feel desperate about their marriage because two people are independent individuals. Even though it's a sweet thing, there will come a time when they have to part ways. When they're doing things on their own, they're still concerned about and caring for each other, so when they meet again, they'll feel even closer. But the questioner has been disappointed for a long time and has turned to despair, which also shows that there has always been a lack of mutual support and encouragement in the family. The husband hasn't given the wife the care she deserves. In the long run, the wife will no longer pin her hopes on the other person.

3. Financial insecurity is another challenge.

In terms of money and household chores, I'm in a much better place now. My relative passed away and left me some property, which has made a huge difference. I don't have to put up with things in my husband's family anymore, and I don't feel I can count on their husband or his family.

It's so important for a family to be a place of mutual support and understanding. When families are able to support each other, they're able to operate in a stable and harmonious way. Money is also a big part of this. It's not just about a family's financial ability, but also about trust. It's so sad that the questioner has never felt financially secure. This has led to a lot of internal conflict. On the one hand, she wants to be independent. But on the other hand, without her husband's support, it's difficult for her to feel secure in the family.

4. It can be tough when we have different values, as it can create barriers to communication.

He's great at helping with the kids, he's super responsible, he takes care of the family, and he's really respectful. But we don't have the same goals in life. I love to travel and I want to have my own place, but he thinks it's better to live with his parents. I feel like I have very little control over things, and life is just so boring.

If you can solve the above problems through communication, then the difference in values with your husband is probably the root cause of the sense of estrangement. Husbands and wives are one, but with different values, it can be tough to be like-minded. Then, in the process of compromising with each other, they will continue to endure until they can't stand it anymore and the conflict erupts, blowing out the feelings that have faded. This is the greatest harm of being unable to communicate.

How can we regulate our emotions and usher in a healthy relationship?

1. Create a lovely, harmonious communication space and listen to each other's needs.

As I mentioned earlier, communication is the key to opening each other's hearts. Unfortunately, in the long-term mode of mutual indifference with my husband, there is a lack of real communication and exchange.

If you really do still want to be part of the family and you still love your partner, you need to break away from the current pattern of indifferent coexistence. With an unemotional, non-judgmental attitude, you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Express your needs and listen to what he has to say about his feelings and thoughts. I really do believe that you will be able to re-establish a connection with each other.

2. Be kind and respectful of each other's differences.

It's so common for our conflicts to build up over time. When we don't understand each other, it's easy to miss the chance to resolve things. But it's never too late to start! All it takes is a willingness to change. We need to trust each other and make each other feel safe so that we can encourage each other to be our best selves.

3. Work together to overcome difficulties, my friends!

The time it takes to manage a relationship can be the longest it's been for a few years, but marriage requires decades of long-term effort and perseverance. It can be very exhausting, and it can be difficult to work together if you're not supporting each other. This is also something that's important for everyone in a marriage to keep in mind: it's essential to continue to grow and discipline yourself. Adapting to the present can help us better understand each other and learn how to love ourselves and each other.

I'm sending you lots of good luck and encouragement! You've got this!

Hello, landlord! I'm smiling.

You mentioned some problems in your description. I believe that your husband and you have different views on certain concepts. He has not compromised because of you. This makes it seem like you will have to compromise more in the relationship. You also said that you don't have the ability to build a home. In this marriage, you will have to adapt to whatever happens. Your husband does not say that he will seek a better way for your views on some things. Instead, he insists on his own ideas and does not care about your current thoughts and feelings.

It's normal to have differences of opinion. It's also normal to have different educational backgrounds and different views on things. But it's not scary to have differences. You can resolve them through communication.

However, if one party in an intimate relationship does not communicate to resolve problems, it will inevitably lead to misunderstandings, which will in turn lead to major problems.

I have also summarized some methods to help you alleviate the current situation, and I am confident that they will help you to some extent.

(1) You can give yourself the courage and confidence to face the problems you encounter in the present. The same applies to intimate relationships. If you find it intolerable, you can end the relationship. Don't let it consume you.

(2) Lower your expectations and demands on your partner. Having too many expectations and demands on your partner makes it easy for you to be influenced by them. Keep an open mind and take things as they come.

(3) Talk to friends you get along with, say what you want to say, and release your current emotions and thoughts to solve your current problems.

(4) Do things that interest you, not things that don't matter. Do things that make you happy to distract yourself from your current situation.

(5) When you're not feeling well, don't suppress your emotions. Release them through sports, music, chatting, journaling, etc.

The world and I love you.

Best regards,

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi, but you can call me Fengshou Skinny Donkey!

After reading the questioner's description, I just want to give this wonderful person a big thumbs up!

First, the questioner realizes that different things should be experienced at different ages in life, and doesn't regret this experience. This is already many steps ahead of most people's awareness and understanding, which is really great to see!

Secondly, it's so lovely to see that the questioner can see and appreciate the other person's good qualities in their marriage. This shows that the questioner is objective and rational, which is a great quality! It will help us to observe ourselves and others more, facilitate the building and maintenance of relationships, and increase our sense of well-being.

Third, the questioner has slowly turned a bad hand into a good hand, which is really great because it proves that the questioner is very good at managing relationships!

Fourth, the questioner's current financial situation has improved, and she has more confidence.

It's so great that the questioner is able to notice the happy side of her life! It shows that she has very good abilities in all aspects and the ability to manage a happy life.

Of course, no marriage is perfect. We all know that happiness and sadness seem to be twins that always cross our lives. The questioner also feels their own distress:

Before marriage, you were the center of someone else's world, but after marriage, your center is your husband and children. It can be a big change! It's understandable that it might make you feel less happy at times.

- Day after day, taking care of the little ones at home can be a lot to handle! Once they're in school, there's so much free time, which can feel overwhelming and leave you feeling a bit lost.

- The husband isn't totally on board with the idea of the questioner moving out on her own. He's thinking about the costs, which might make the questioner feel like her husband doesn't love her.

- It seems like the husband and I don't communicate very well, which makes the questioner feel a bit neglected.

It can be really tough when your husband's interests and goals in life don't align with yours. It can feel like you don't have a common language.

It's so important to communicate well in a relationship. In fact, 80% of problems stem from poor communication. We need to find a way to communicate with each other that suits both parties. For example, if your husband is not good at communicating, you can express your feelings of grievance and sadness, your dissatisfaction with him, and the way you want him to resolve the situation through letters. What are your reasons for wanting a small family, and what are his reasons for wanting to live with his parents? Is there a way to balance the two?

It's so important to learn your husband's sexual language, like what kind of kissing and hugging he likes. When you speak his sexual language, it'll bring you closer together!

It's so important to be aware of the kind of happiness you're looking for. Is it going on a trip together?

It's always a great idea to watch a movie together as a couple! Love is more about passion, while marriage requires mutual support and never leaving each other's side. The best kind of love is to be there for your partner whenever they need you.

It's so important to keep your marriage fresh! You might want to try to understand how your partner likes to be loved and create little surprises for him to make your relationship closer.

It's so important to keep yourself interested in a hobby. It can be tough to find time for yourself when you're a mother and a wife, but it's so important! Try to devote a little energy to creating your own time and space to be alone. It'll make your life feel so much more fulfilling!

Take a moment to appreciate what you have right now. Feel the happiness you have in your hands, and use it to create what you want! This will make your life and mood so much better!

Marriage is a beautiful relationship of mutual closeness. As you get closer, it's natural to let go of some parts of yourself and accept parts of your partner. This helps you become even closer to each other!

I really think that "If I Knew Before Marriage" and "The Five Languages of Love" could be really helpful for you. They can help you understand your husband better and work on your relationship. "If I Knew Before Marriage" teaches you how to recognize differences, accept differences, and resolve differences. "The Five Languages of Love" shows you how to express your love in a way that makes your husband feel it more!

Wishing you all the best!

When you feel exhausted by life, you feel like you'll never experience joy again. But don't worry! Like most people who experience burnout, it feels like a foreign land. But you can cross over to a new state!

This can make us feel lost and unsure of what to do, but there is a way out!

The truth is that you will cross over to a new state, and you have the amazing ability to bring yourself back into the light!

1) Live your life for yourself!

The first thing you can do is to make sure that you are living your life for yourself!

Make sure you're not living your whole existence to suit what isn't really your true need. It's time to make a change!

Once you recognize this, you can make a plan to change it!

It's time to figure out what you value and make sure your life centers on your values first!

2) Unleash your inner resilience!

Resilience is your secret weapon for overcoming life's hurdles!

A life full of passion and purpose is absolutely possible! All it takes is a little drive and a positive mindset.

3) Figure out what's missing and get it back!

Now for the fun part! Examine what is missing in your life compared to the time when you were happy. Once you figure out what is missing, you can figure out how to start loving life again!

4) Set some goals!

You know what's missing, and now it's time to get those missing parts back into your life! One of the most successful ways to change your life is to set appropriate goals.

There are so many great goal-setting methods out there! One of my favorites is breaking down larger goals into smaller ones. For example, "buying a new home" is much easier to achieve than "reviewing the housing list."

5) Get moving with some exercise!

I absolutely believe that exercise can solve almost any problem! In just five minutes of moderate exercise, your mood will skyrocket!

You don't have to go out and run a marathon! Even brisk walking will invigorate you. It will help you organize your thoughts, eliminate ruminations, reduce anxiety, and increase endorphins!

If you feel listless, go for a walk!

6) Talk to someone!

If you're still bored with life, it's time to make a change! Setting goals, relying on friends, and exercising are all great, but sometimes they're not enough.

In these situations, it is absolutely essential that you contact a mental health professional to help you through these difficult times.

It's time to realize that we can break free from the structures that have been holding us back! With the help of various methods, we can learn to let go of negative thought patterns, embrace our true selves, and strengthen the constructive forces that belong to us.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and humble, but I'm also consistent.

A good attitude is essential for a good marriage.

Let's be honest, most people don't feel happy about marriage. Men and women entering marriage step out of their own little worlds to accept more people, learn more about people, and have more feelings. But all of this is compared to the human drama that can soothe the heart, and we are all willing to enter into marriage.

Marriage provides a sense of belonging for lonely people, offering a place for their hearts and souls to thrive alongside their bodies. It makes our experiences of life more real and concrete.

We must acknowledge that marriage has brought us some bad feelings. It's time to look at this marriage situation from another perspective. The fact that we have tried to adapt to the external environment since birth shows that life is subject to change and that there is also initiative.

Manage your marriage in a suitable way.

Don't rush to label yourself. You have the ability to change. Turn that bad hand you've been dealt into a good one. Appreciate the process, too.

The husband who doesn't share your goals is hardworking and has the high qualities that other women look for. The important reason is that you haven't communicated and reconciled.

Have an openhearted chat. See the benefits of living with your parents. Find time to go out and experience life together as a couple or with the kids. Add elements to your current situation to discover a different kind of fun and meaning.

Hello, I can see you're feeling confused, so I'm here to support you.

You're going through some emotional issues right now. Please let me give you another warm hug.

I came across an article recently that said a good marriage is built on three key elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

It's not uncommon for couples who have had children and been married for a while to find that the daily grind of cooking and cleaning is all that's left.

Even if you've been married for a long time, you still need to learn some management skills.

The Five Love Languages also talks about the key ingredients for a great marriage.

1.) Affirming words

This means offering encouragement and positive feedback to your partner, trying to see things from their perspective, and putting yourself in their shoes.

2. Moments of attention

Make sure you take the time to care for the other person and give them your full attention.

3.) Meaningful gifts

Show him you care with a thoughtful gift. My husband surprised me with 99 red roses on Valentine's Day for the past two years, which symbolizes a long and happy marriage.

4.) Voluntary actions

When your husband needs you to do something, it's important to show that you're willing and happy to help. Try to take the initiative to do the things your partner likes and always think of his needs first.

5.) Physical contact

Show your affection with a hand on the small of the back, a stroke of the arm, a hug, or a kiss. These are the kinds of behaviors that you and your husband need to express often, so show them more often.

(The above references are from the Internet.)

I actually think there are ways you can compromise on some of the issues you're having with your husband.

For instance, he mentioned that it would be preferable to live with his elders.

I'm not sure about your husband's financial situation.

I'm not sure how old your child is.

If you're still young and your husband's financial situation is okay, you could ask him to rent you a place nearby.

I live in a rented house from Monday to Friday, and then I go back to my parents' place on Friday night and during the weekend. On Sunday night, I go back to the rented house.

Is this a viable solution?

There are always more than three ways to solve any problem.

I always believe there are more solutions than problems. What do you think?

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're facing soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answers above are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help in any way I can.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love our customers. Best wishes!

Insightful and soul-searching, sharing becomes a habit! I am a soliloquy.

If you don't have light in your eyes, you'll always have darkness in your heart.

I want to ask you, if you could go back to the time before you got married, would you start a new relationship? You would undoubtedly answer without hesitation: of course.

I can tell you with certainty that if you go back in time, you will still make the same choice you did many years ago.

Your complaints about your marriage are not just about the disappointment your husband has caused you. You can say with confidence that your experiences over the years have made you more mature, and your expectations of marriage have become far more demanding. Your husband is still the same person you wanted to marry, but he has not kept up with your growth over the years and is far behind you. When you examine all this with the mature thinking you have gained from growing up, you know you made the right choice in choosing such a marriage and such a person.

Is it really just stupidity? Or has fate played a trick on you?

I am certain the answer is very clear in your own heart.

I'm going to tell you a story.

One day, Socrates took his students to the lively market of Yatu to attend class.

After strolling through the market, Socrates confidently asked his students, "What did you all find in this market?"

The students interjected, "There are so many things in the market, lots of delicious food, fun things to do, beautiful things to see, and countless new things to buy. If you weren't teaching, I would buy a cartload of goods and go home."

Socrates nodded and said, "I am the opposite of you all. In this market, I have discovered that there are so many things in this world that I don't need. Our whole lives are confused by the chaos of material things and illusions, and we are exhausted, chasing after things that seem important but are actually useless. As a result, we are all getting further and further away from happiness."

Happiness is simple: a home, a room, a sense of calm, and a touch of kindness.

Clear out the clutter, let go of old feelings, and curb your desires.

The story is over. I want to know how you feel after listening to this story.

You should feel happy when you think about a man who is responsible for the children, takes care of the family, and is filial. Look at the loving couples around you. They make you envious. Think about how much of their sweet and sour, conflicts and arguments you can taste.

We see what we want to see, and we often fail to see the most real thing.

Let me be clear: marriage is never a woman's whole life, let alone her entire life.

Marriage is a woman's state and a choice in life.

You have the right to choose to get married, and you also have the right to choose to divorce or not to get married.

Children and men are not all a woman has. They can never replace or take away a woman's dreams of pursuing a beautiful life.

Marriage, children, and a man are an extension of a woman's love and a gift from life to her love.

Every woman deserves to be loved and to love. You must love yourself first.

Every woman and her life should be diverse and colorful. No matter what circumstances she encounters, she will be the helmsman and the painter of her own life.

I want to tell you one thing: no one's life is free of regrets.

These imperfections make your life colorful. You'll never experience the beauty of waves in a still lake.

The last words:

Be a woman with a sunny disposition. Life is truly wonderful, and you will discover this for yourself.

I understand your frustration. Many individuals experience challenges in their personal and professional lives, particularly in their relationships with their spouses and families. It is normal to feel and think the way you do.

It is not uncommon for events to unfold in ways that are not in line with our expectations. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction. However, it is important to recognize that these feelings do not diminish the value of our lives or the potential for positive change.

From your description, it is evident that you are facing a series of challenges.

Firstly, your statement "I'm a girl, and I feel tired of being human. All I can think about is negative things" indicates a lack of positivity and a tendency to dwell on negative thoughts. This may be a result of an inability to create happiness and a sense of loneliness.

Secondly, you have indicated that you have followed the steps of the masses and done what they think is right. This may mean that you have followed social expectations rather than your own inner desires, which could result in a lack of interest in life.

Thirdly, the respondent indicated dissatisfaction with their husband, perceiving him as unable to meet their financial and emotional needs. Additionally, the statement "we don't share the same life goals" suggests a lack of consensus between the couple regarding their life objectives, potentially hindering their ability to align their efforts.

In conclusion, the primary challenges you are currently facing may include low self-esteem, loneliness, dissatisfaction with your marriage and life in general, and a lack of clear goals and direction.

In addition to seeking the assistance of a counselor, there are several other avenues for addressing the aforementioned issues.

It is important to identify and address your needs and feelings. This can be achieved by keeping a journal, developing your interests and hobbies, and communicating with trusted colleagues.

To address low self-esteem, it is essential to identify the underlying causes. This involves recognizing your intrinsic value, providing self-encouragement, and developing self-motivation. By doing so, you can shift your mindset from one of low self-esteem to one of self-assurance and self-worth.

It is beneficial to build a social network. Maintaining social relationships with others, building friendships, and engaging in interactions can reduce feelings of loneliness, improve self-esteem, and bring more happiness.

It is important to set life goals that align with your values, interests, goals, and abilities. Doing so can help you gain a better understanding of the value you bring to your life.

To improve your situation, consider modifying your habits, surroundings, and outlook. It would be beneficial to communicate with your husband in a non-violent manner.

I advise reading self-help books, such as Dr. Chen Haiyan's publications, "Love Needs to Be Learned" and "Amazing Me: Psychology of Self-Development."

Hello!

After marriage, you live with your husband's family. You feel tired and bored. What should you do?

Let's work it out together.

Everyone has a sense of self and wants to live their life as they wish. When we feel out of control, we feel like we have no status in the family and that life is boring.

Why doesn't your husband accept your wishes?

(1) Your original family and upbringing.

"I feel like I lack the ability to create happiness. When I was young, other people catered to me, but now that I'm older, I feel lonely." It is possible that in your original family, both parents loved you and tried to make you happy.

As an adult, you bring this pattern of getting along with others into your own family. You also hope that your husband and in-laws will treat you like your parents did, but they don't. You feel disappointed and lonely.

(2) How you see marriage

"I thought marriage would make me happy. Now that my child is a few years old, I realize marriage is just about having children and raising them together." Before getting married, everyone has good expectations for marriage.

Psychologists call this the halo effect. As you get to know your partner better and the daily grind sets in, the beautiful halo you imagined for your partner slowly fades away.

Here are some tips:

(1) Understand what marriage is.

Some psychologists say getting married is about sharing risks. I think the risks are psychological, emotional, and material. You had to live with your husband's family for financial reasons. This reduced the financial pressure on you after you got married.

How can you show your partner who you are? You have to communicate with your husband and express your thoughts and feelings.

This takes courage because most people are reluctant to face their "weak" side. The book "Nonviolent Communication" can help.

The "halo effect" has faded. You have children now, and your relationship has moved from passion to attachment. Attachment requires effort and time. I think the book "The Five Languages of Love" can help.

(2) Adjusting perceptions

Our emotions are caused by how we perceive events. To change our emotions, we need to change our beliefs.

Everyone's family is different. This results in different perspectives and approaches to the same thing.

Give others the freedom to act as they wish. Let them do it, and then find ways to solve problems when they arise. Accept approaches that are different from your own. This will broaden your horizons.

If you like to travel, tell him about it so he wants to travel too. If he doesn't, you don't have to force it. You can travel with your child or friends.

My husband likes living with his family. We can talk to each other about anything. Now that you have a certain level of financial independence, you can live separately, closer to your parents.

"Caring for children and family, respecting your elders" are important in a marriage. When we focus on the good things, family life is easier.

In short, life is imperfect. When you let others be themselves, you can be yourself too. Stop trying to feel in control and relax. Your mental fatigue will ease.

(3) Finding meaning in life

"Life is meaningless. We give it meaning."

"Life has no meaning. We give it meaning!"

If you actively seek it and give it, life will be meaningful. For example, raising children makes us happy.

Those moments will make you feel like it was worth it.

Hope this helps.

Best,

Hi, I'm Duo Duo Lian, and I really hope my reply can be helpful for you!

As an outsider, you have a stable financial foundation, a warm extended family, and no worries about food and clothing. These are also what many people aspire to! Your husband is a great guy. He takes care of the family, is filial, and responsible for the children. These qualities are not possessed by all men, so you're really lucky to have him. You have a yearning for freedom and beauty in your heart, and I admire you for that! There have been many inconveniences in the extended family over the years, and I don't know how you got through it.

If you live alone, you'll have the freedom to do whatever you want without worrying about what others think. You can also experience taking care of children and working at the same time. Which lifestyle has its advantages and disadvantages? Do you agree? What we need to do is change the way we look at things.

Short trips are a great idea! Take the kids, the three of you, and enjoy some happy time together.

Our parents gave us life and also hope that we will be healthy and happy. It's so easy to focus on the negative, but this often stems from the fact that many of our needs are not being met. In the midst of this, if our ideas are not supported by the other person, we can end up feeling like we're attacking ourselves. It's so important to remember that happiness is more important than anything else. Expressing our needs and putting forward our own ideas can also make us feel more self-sufficient.

Everyone is an independent individual with their own choices. It's so important to allow others' thoughts and take responsibility for your own happiness. You deserve all the good things in life, so don't settle for less! There might be some anger inside, but you can take care of yourself.

I'm learning that others can't satisfy me, but I can create it myself.

I'm sure you've met lots of people who are really busy with work and family life. I know you want to live a carefree life, but I can understand why your husband doesn't support you. He has his own difficulties, just like we all do. But I'm sure he cares about you, even if he is very devoted to his family.

He just has to juggle so many roles!

No matter what, it's so important to love yourself. We can't change other people, but we can change our mood. Take a moment to appreciate what you have: your health and the safety of your family. Be content with what you have. Follow your heart. Do the things you want to do. And remember, it's okay to be a little selfish!

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm excited to chat with you.

From the author's own description, it can be seen that the author and her husband's intimate life presents an exciting opportunity for growth and change. While they may not always agree on a common goal, there are many things she can control, and life is full of possibilities. This has made the author eager for new experiences and adventures in married life. She is ready to embrace the journey ahead with a renewed sense of excitement and adventure.

Facing your husband after so many years, you are uncertain about your future life together. What you want, but your husband cannot give you, inevitably makes you fall into negative emotions, which is understandable. But don't worry! There are ways to face your negative emotions and ways to face this relationship.

This is a big decision for the questioner, and it's totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed.

Maybe it's just like what the book says: people outside the besieged city want to get in, and people inside the besieged city want to get out. Very often, if what you want or the goal you've set for yourself cannot be achieved or satisfied, you will feel tired and even want to escape from the relationship. This is normal, and it's okay!

We can't change the object, but we can change ourselves!

I'm here to give you a big, warm pat on the shoulder and a little strength! When communicating with your current husband, you can calmly, sincerely, and clearly state your feelings and communicate on the topic you are concerned about. Since the questioner asked the question on the platform, I would also like to give the questioner some brief advice:

It's time to understand what you want in a relationship!

In an intimate relationship, it's totally normal for everyone's needs to be different. When faced with this intimate relationship, what does the questioner want? The questioner can try to express this to their husband.

Everyone has different values in an intimate relationship. The questioner values being valued in this intimate relationship and wants her husband and family to consider her position and not ignore her requests. If the questioner's needs cannot be met or valued in this intimate relationship, it's an opportunity to reflect on whether the relationship can continue in a way that's more aligned with her needs.

Let's talk about your relationship or your future together!

The questioner can talk to her husband about their relationship, about her concerns about the current relationship, or about her current needs, and share her feelings about their respective marital status. It's a great idea to ask your husband how your relationship has developed over time to start a conversation!

Have some relationship discussions and future discussions: "What made you first think that we should get married? What is the biggest change you have noticed in me since we started getting married?"

As a lover, what are my strengths and weaknesses? I'm excited to learn how I can improve!

"What do you think about our future? I'd love to hear about your plans for the future!"

"I have some thoughts about marriage. Can I share them with you?" "I think if we are in an intimate relationship, everyone's needs should be met. What do you think?"

"

Discuss your relationship with your husband in a calm and positive way!

When the relationship between the questioner and her husband is tested, try to maintain an objective and calm tone when discussing the relationship. If you find that the two of you are having problems as a family, please keep an open mind and don't get emotional. But don't worry! These things happen to the best of us.

Spice up your intimate relationship with some occasional passion! Don't be content with the status quo.

If the questioner wants to tell her husband that what she wants bothers her, then you can say, "I want you to know that I care about you and our relationship. I want us to be perfect together!"

"If you want to continue this intimate relationship with me, I'd love to know that I'm valued. I'll think about it seriously."

It's time to face the emotional issues head on!

It may seem easier to let things take their own course and avoid difficult topics, but avoiding difficult topics will only make things worse!

Instead, take the time to discuss the problem. You could say, "I know that I'm a bit dissatisfied with our love life at the moment, and I'm excited to make some changes!"

"I would absolutely love it if we could find some time to talk!"

Remember, avoiding these difficult issues will only make things slowly get worse and eventually gradually destroy your relationship. So, tell him, "I think we can calmly and honestly talk about our problems."

"Or, there are so many things I'm excited to talk to you about! I hope you can keep an open mind."

Now for the fun part!

It's time to identify your feelings in the marriage! Think about the reasons for your feelings and explain them to him.

Tell him, "I know I've been feeling a lot lately, but I've been thinking about why and I think it's a defense mechanism."

I really hope that my feelings will be taken seriously, or that my requests will be taken seriously for our future married life. I feel a bit pressure and confusion about the future, but I'm excited to see what the future holds for us as a married couple! I really hope that husband and wife can be honest with each other and accommodate each other. I hope that you can discuss this with me patiently.

Be patient!

If you encounter problems, try to communicate patiently. The subject should be compassionate and try to communicate their thoughts to their loved ones.

If there is a conflict or a problem, you should absolutely remain calm and try to understand the other person. You could say, for example, "I don't want to put too much pressure on you.

I really hope we can communicate patiently about this, and I really hope you can listen to me patiently. I absolutely promise we can talk calmly and honestly about anything!

"

Be honest about your goals and intentions!

When discussing emotionally difficult topics, don't avoid the subject! Whether the topic is about strengthening the relationship or solving a problem, be upfront and clear about your intentions.

For example, you could say, "I would love to talk to you about whether our relationship can last. Do you have any good plans for our married life?"

How can we maintain consistency in our married life? Do you think the current state of your marriage is acceptable? Let's make it even better!

Ask him, "Can we talk about married life? I sometimes really feel neglected, but I'm excited to see what we can do about it!"

"Because I have high expectations for married life, I feel that I am not being fulfilled in many ways in this relationship, and I cannot find the confidence to continue. I really hope you can take my feelings seriously."

In a marriage, open communication is the absolute key to a long-lasting marriage! Love, respect, and courtesy are the basic ingredients for a happy married life—and they're so easy to find!

Be sincere with your loved one and express heartfelt gratitude and understanding for each other!

I really hope my answer helps!

Hello!

It's normal to feel confused at certain stages of life.

I will analyze and advise you based on my experience.

[No effort, no happiness]

The questioner described some personal circumstances, such as "when I was young, other people catered to me," "following the crowd to do what they think is right," and "inheriting family property has given me a stronger financial foundation."

This is about how to be happy. Everyone is different, but it's hard to be happy without trying.

As Martin Seligman said, "Happiness from shortcuts doesn't last. You have to work for it."

[Not happy after you have it]

The questioner also described some personal circumstances, such as getting married at the right age, living with the man's family, and being responsible for the children.

Many people find it difficult to marry at the right age, have children, raise them, live with three generations of family, and have a decent husband.

You adapt to happiness and take it for granted.

The more happy you are, the higher your expectations become. You can only be happy by achieving higher goals.

[Moving on from the past]

The questioner describes some situations: "I can't build a home on my own," "I can't count on their husbands," "we don't have the same goals," and "I feel like I have little control."

The questioner blames their current feelings on past disappointments.

To be happy, we need to change how we think about the past. I suggest that the OP learn to adapt to the present and forgive the past.

Keep an objective diary without exaggerating past mistakes. Write about forgiving others and yourself.

[Fresh happiness]

To keep your happiness fresh, you need new information and experiences.

The questioner should find happiness in everyday life and appreciate it.

To create happiness, start by learning to create small surprises.

Also try to find as many possibilities as possible, such as by helping your elders and encouraging you to travel.

I hope this helps.