Met for half a year, proposed, didn't marry, he cheated after nearly two years, what should I do?

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Peilü, and I'm here for you.

First, let me give you a big, warm hug! ?

My boyfriend has fallen out of love with me.

Oh, the trauma of heartbreak!

Let's look at the data together.

The questioner said that she and her boyfriend of two years had broken up because he had fallen in love with someone else. You had talked about getting married, but due to practical problems, you had never been able to tie the knot.

You don't have any parents, so he's your only support, and you're willing to make any changes for him. Even if he's violent towards you, you're not willing to leave him. Reading your words really makes me feel for you. You've given him your whole heart, but he's not ashamed. He's not remorseful, and he even speaks abusively. Having been betrayed and hurt by someone you once loved, I can empathize with your sadness and pain, loneliness and helplessness.

Hugging you, I hope to bring you some warmth and support.

Since moving out of his house, the questioner has been unable to let go and has no appetite. You are lonely and helpless, facing sudden betrayal and a blow that has plunged you into grief and despair. I can understand how you feel. Being heartbroken is physically and mentally exhausting, and you have no time to care for your health. We always want to get over the shadow of a broken heart as soon as possible, but how can a wound heal instantly?

You did the right thing by leaving him. It's only by moving on from the past that you can embrace the future.

Let's take a moment to think about the situation.

Your lonely upbringing has made you feel insecure, so you desperately want to love and be loved. It's totally understandable! You make this relationship the center of your life, you give your all to the relationship, and you treat your partner as the most important person in your family, hoping that he will also love and care for you. There is nothing wrong with your dedication, but reality often doesn't go as planned. If your partner could also love and care for you from the bottom of their heart, would the outcome be different?

It seems like you were a little too passive in this relationship. For example, you said things like, "I will change whatever he dislikes about me," and "I will apologize first in case of an argument or a fight." You always made sure your partner was happy and satisfied their demands and expectations, but you didn't always make sure you were happy too. You ignored your own needs, suppressed your feelings, and indulged him without limits. This caused some emotional imbalance in the relationship. You kept giving in and constantly consumed yourself, until there was no turning back. This is not the healthiest way to develop a relationship.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. It's so sad when people we love let us down. It's clear he wasn't able to take on family responsibilities and wasn't trustworthy. Please don't believe what he said when you broke up. It was just an excuse to leave you and hurt you.

It's so good to be free of an unprincipled and incompetent man!

I'm here to offer you some personal advice.

It's time to face reality.

It's important to remember that the wounds suffered in a relationship also need time to heal slowly. When faced with a bad ending, the first thing we need to do is learn to accept reality. Then, we can reflect on what growth this relationship has brought you. What have you learned from it?

How can I make sure I don't make the same mistakes again?

You've got this! Be strong and brave.

It's okay to let yourself be weak for a little while. Just set a deadline for yourself, sort out your thoughts, and release your emotions in a reasonable way. Then get back up and face the challenges of life again with a strong and courageous heart!

And last but not least, independence and self-respect!

Even though you'll be leaving the people and relationships you've always relied on, this separation also helps you realize that women also need to have their own independent personalities and self-esteem. This makes us self-reliant and self-improving, and we don't need to gain a sense of security from others. Self-respect and self-love are lifelong lessons, and you've got this!

And don't forget to take care of your health!

Even if you're feeling down, it's still important to take care of your body. If you're struggling with your emotions, try taking some time for yourself by cooking a meal. It's a great way to distract yourself and nourish your body.

It's okay to let it all out!

It's okay to feel negative emotions. We all do! But it's important to find a way to let them out in a healthy way. Don't keep them inside. Talk to a friend. Write in a journal. Cry if you need to. There are so many ways to release those sad feelings. Just find the one that feels right for you.

Travel!

Treat yourself to a little break! There's nothing like visiting a new city or immersing yourself in the beauty of nature to help you recharge and leave those unpleasant situations behind. And who knows, you might even gain some new insights into life along the way!

?

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really feel how sad, disappointed, and helpless you must be feeling.

I can see you're really upset about your boyfriend's affair with another woman. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but I just wanted to give you three little tips that might help:

First, I suggest you try to understand yourself and give yourself a little comfort.

I know it might sound a little strange, but I promise you it will help! It will make your heart feel a little lighter, which will help you think about what to do next.

You said that you and your boyfriend had been dating for six months when he proposed, but you didn't get married because you didn't have a stable financial foundation. As a result, after you had been together for almost two years, you discovered that he had fallen for another girl and even said the most hurtful things to you. When you were with him, you treated him like family, your only support (because you don't have any family), and you were willing to change for him. You would even apologize if he hit you. But that's how it turned out, and you're very sad and suffering. I can imagine how you must feel. I'm really sorry to hear about what happened. I can understand how you feel. I think everyone wants their partner to be loyal to them, and everyone wants to give and receive good things in return. You need to try to understand and comfort yourself, and "see" that betrayed, but for the time being still unable to come to terms with it, suffering self. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions. I'm here for you if you need anything.

I really believe that if you allow yourself to understand and accept yourself, you'll be able to bring about change in your current situation. I know it might sound a bit contradictory, but I truly think that change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you can really get to know yourself and the world around you better.

To come to terms with this in a way that makes sense to you, there are three things you can do:

It's so important to understand that uncertainty is one of the truths of love.

In other words, love is an adventure, and in an adventure there is the possibility of betrayal. It's totally normal to encounter such a situation! Of course, I'm not saying that there's no monogamous, beautiful love out there. I just want to say that hurt also exists in love.

Secondly, it's so important to understand that when it comes to love, loving yourself is the most important thing you can do.

I'm not asking you to be selfish in love. I'm just suggesting that you take care of your emotions, take care of yourself, and love yourself well so that you can love others better.

You say that you have sacrificed a lot for him, that no matter how much you fight, you will apologize even if he hits you. This kind of behavior shows that you are not taking good care of yourself. Perhaps you do this to "prove" your love for him and hope that he will see your love for him and not leave you. But this may be the problem, because you ignore your own feelings, and naturally he will not cherish what you have done for him, because he will think, "If you don't even love yourself, why should I love you?" He may even think, "You did that of your own free will," which contributes to his lack of appreciation for you. So I suggest that you take good care of yourself first.

It's so important to remember that when you can take care of yourself, even if the other person leaves, you won't feel that bad. That's because you can take care of yourself, and the other person is not particularly important to you.

And finally, remember that you can change the status quo because you are in charge of your own life!

When you change, your life situation will naturally change. And you know what? That's okay! The most important thing is that you want to change.

I know it can be tough, but when you look at it rationally like this, some of the negative emotions inside you may be resolved.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to make yourself feel better.

When you take a step back and look at your situation with a cool head, you might even know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, you might want to give yourself a little time and not push yourself to be strong and optimistic. It's totally normal to feel a little sad or uncomfortable when you're facing something like this. When you allow yourself to feel this way, you might find the strength to want to change. Of course, you can't let yourself stay in these negative emotions all the time, because that wouldn't be fair to yourself.

When you "want" to change, you can "express" your negative emotions, including anger, sadness, etc. (you can use journal therapy or the empty chair therapy). It's so important to let those negative emotions flow, because they have a healing effect.

You can also talk to a trusted friend. This is a great way to feel better, because you may receive their support and comfort.

If you feel a little better, you can review the relationship with the aim of preparing for the next one. This is a great way to understand the importance of loving yourself well! (Because if you give too much in a relationship, you will form a sense of obligation, and obligation builds an unequal relationship, which cannot produce true love, because true love comes from an equal relationship.) You will slowly learn how to love others without losing yourself!

Maybe you're thinking of this person and that incident now, and it has something to do with the last thing you said to him. He said that you and that woman are worlds apart, which might make you feel like you're not good enough. But you are! Even if you broke up or were broken up with, it doesn't mean you're not good enough or not worthy of love. You are! You're a wonderful person, and you deserve to be loved. You're not together, it's just that you're not suited to each other. Once you think this way, your mood will improve. Look for the good in yourself, and don't say you have no advantages. You do! Everyone has their own shining points, and you are no exception. You can do something to improve the current situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, all kinds of negative emotions in your heart will naturally be slowly resolved. I promise you, sometimes the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions is action!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Gaining insight into the mind and making sharing a habit are key. I tend to speak at length on my own.

I have been in a relationship with him since I graduated from college. I consider him my family and my only support. I am willing to make changes to address his concerns. Despite our differences, I am willing to apologize for any wrongdoing, even if it involves physical violence. I previously believed that I would never leave him.

Based on your statements, I anticipate that this outcome is likely. While I empathize with your situation, I also recognize the fortuitous circumstances that have led to this decision.

The other day, I read the book Attachment: Why We Love So Unreasonably. In light of your topic, I would like to share it with you today.

Justifying Unreasonable Behavior

From your account, it is evident that when faced with challenges in the relationship, you tend to rationalize and make compromises that you initially found unacceptable. This includes modifying your behavior to align with your partner's preferences, even in the face of conflict. You demonstrate a capacity to remain composed and resilient in the face of difficult circumstances, provided there is a rationale that justifies your actions.

Rationalization is the process of acknowledging the situation's disheartening nature while refuting its veracity.

I believe that, over time, friends and family members have likely provided advice regarding your relationship. When a woman perceives the shortcomings of the person she loves, she may become blinded by the beauty of love. In the face of a lack of affection, she may rationalize his behavior by saying, "He's just because..."

Rationalization is a natural human response and not a serious problem. However, when it becomes a habit to rationalize one's partner's wrongdoings, it can lead to significant issues in the relationship. As the perception of the relationship becomes distorted, the frequency of these irrationalizations tends to increase. In such cases, it is often necessary to take a more active role in addressing the situation.

A woman's initial disappointment with this kind of man often occurs at the outset of the relationship, when the excitement and romance of the early stages can mask the underlying issues. This is also why, after six months of dating, you have reached the brink of love and ended up with this kind of ending.

I believe you have experienced similar disappointments in the past, but you have chosen to ignore them in the context of the illusion of love. Even if you have noticed a slight difference, it is just a harsh little note in the symphony of a wonderful love affair.

I believe you are in a favorable position.

For a man with this temperament, the early symptoms are not readily apparent. Once a relationship has been established, it may be more challenging to end it. Once a man believes he has "taken possession" of a woman, he may make changes to his appearance and exert control over her in various ways.

It requires courage to make a decisive exit from a situation such as this, and I commend you for your fortitude in doing so.

Love is often a dynamic process, with periods of sunshine and rain, sweetness and bitterness, laughter and tears. These experiences are invaluable lessons in life. As you continue to learn and gain experience, I hope you will open your eyes and find the love that is truly yours.

Hello!

You're going through a lot right now, but you'll get through it! You thought eternal love was fragile, but it's stronger than you think. The person who cheated on you has to stab their heart with a knife when breaking up, but you'll get through this. I want to give you a big warm hug, hoping to bring you a little warmth.

There's a big advantage to thinking positively about your experience. It allows you to see a person clearly before entering into marriage. You'll no longer be torn between whether or not to end the relationship because it's already irreparable.

Since what's done is done, there are two fantastic things we can do:

1. Adjust your emotions and give yourself time to heal. You've got this!

For anyone, giving time and true feelings in return for a failed ending will lead to a sense of defeat. This sense of defeat comes from the hurt to self-esteem and narcissism, and the denial of self. It is accompanied by frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, and can also bring us great emotional fluctuations. These negative emotions will affect our thinking, as well as our behavior and daily life. You desperately want to get rid of these influences, but when you are alone, you can't help but think back, and you may not be able to eat or sleep, and you may be depressed. But don't worry! You can get through this.

The first thing we need to adjust is this state. When you can't get away from thinking about something and you're in a bad mood, stay aware of it and tell yourself that it's normal to feel this way after going through such an emotional experience. You'll get through this! The feeling will pass quickly.

Of course, these emotions will come and go repeatedly, and you can repeatedly be aware of and remind yourself of this. This process may be long or short, but I believe that being aware and reminding yourself is accepting your emotions, and this acceptance is self-healing. And you can do this!

You've got this! Focus your energy on the more important things you want to do. Exercise or meditate regularly. Listen to music. Chat with friends about your problems. Go for walks in nature to see the flowers bloom and fall. All of these things will help you shorten the time it takes to adjust your emotions. You can do it!

The second thing we need to do is reflect on ourselves and identify the parts of ourselves that we can adjust during this relationship experience.

"I treated him like family, my rock. I would change whatever he didn't like about me. No matter how we fought, even if he hit me, I was the one to apologize. I used to think I would never leave him, but I did, and I'm so much happier now!"

Now, think about this: what kind of person do you see in these descriptions?

If you don't even love yourself, how can you expect others to cherish you?

Have you ever wondered if excessive emotional dependence might be the reason you feel like you've lost your sense of self? Have you found yourself retreating time and again in your relationship, to the point where you have to apologize to your partner for hitting you? Do you take all the blame for the relationship, putting yourself in an unequal position? Do you feel a sense of low self-worth? How did all this come about?

Absolutely! It has everything to do with your own growth experience and personality characteristics.

You know what? Thinking about these issues is going to be way more useful than wallowing in negative emotions.

In fact, relationships are caused by mutual rather than unilateral factors. And the best part is, this is not about right or wrong!

If you can figure these things out through reflection, you can find the root cause of the failure of the relationship and also find a direction for self-adjustment and growth!

In a sense, life's setbacks are not bad things. In fact, they can be good things for people who know how to reflect and grow!

And finally, I want to tell you something really exciting! As you grow into a better version of yourself, you will find someone even better waiting for you in the future!

I really hope the reply from Red Rain helps! Thanks so much for asking!

Good day.

A challenging experience often prompts individuals to reassess their circumstances. I question whether the original poster has fully grasped the emotions she has experienced. Has she recognized that the person in front of her no longer holds the same level of affection, and is not the person she once loved?

While age and circumstances may change, love remains a constant. If love can be easily changed, it suggests that what was initially loved may not have been the person, but rather the expectation of love.

The emotional state of the individual posing the question is likely distressing. However, it is important to recognize that the pain has already been experienced, and there is no need to hastily express discontent. It is more beneficial to take a moment to reflect and identify areas of growth within the relationship. If the other person has caused you to reach a point of personal despair, it is essential to break free from the feelings of loneliness and bitterness they have instilled. It is crucial to demonstrate your own self-worth, regain your self-respect, and avoid engaging in relationships based on superficial transactions. Instead, focus on nurturing the relationship from within. This may involve saying goodbye to your former partner and embracing a more positive, self-assured version of yourself.

It is imperative that you take responsibility for your own emotions.

The questioner stated that the former boyfriend believes that his own kindness has prevented him from pursuing a romantic relationship. He believes that he has led a fulfilling life and that his long wait for a suitable partner has caused his current girlfriend's dissatisfaction due to his inability to tolerate her. This has led to significant emotional distress, and he is constantly complaining about the challenges of life. The root of this problem is attributed to the questioner. This is a shameful and conscience-less perception and way of life. A man who cannot accept responsibility for his own life choices still wants to live like a man. This is an absurd mindset.

If the ex-boyfriend's infidelity is his responsibility, then his repeated violations of personal boundaries, verbal abuse, and physical assaults are the questioner's own shortcomings. Faced with the questioner's gradual deterioration, how can this mistake be rectified?

To love someone, you must first learn to love yourself. This is not a simple slogan, nor is it a lofty or extravagant request. You just need to muster the courage to protect and take care of yourself, and she will understand that compromise is not the only option in a relationship.

It is essential to view love in the appropriate light and recognize that relationships are not merely transactions.

The questioner provides further insight into the ex-boyfriend's perspective on love and his treatment of others. One notable psychological trait is his tendency to expect others to "save" him, akin to a child's expectation of being "clothed and fed." It appears that he has lost the ability to work, as evidenced by his decision to betray the person who had been kind to him when they purchased a mobile phone for him. He justifies this action as reasonable and fair, viewing it as the truth of life. This is likely due to his concept of life, shaped by his perceived "weakness." However, he lacks the courage to admit this, leading him to switch concepts. The questioner is not good enough for him, leading him to "no choice" but to choose someone else.

However, if you expect others to bear the financial burden and assume responsibility for all matters, while demonstrating a lack of personal accountability and a tendency to exploit others, do you possess the requisite qualifications and standing to freely and easily accuse others?

Love and life are not transactions. If you make a mistake and treat it as such, you must first learn to take responsibility for yourself before you can move forward.

To make a fresh start, one must first acknowledge mistakes and move on.

It is unfortunate when one encounters an unsuitable individual. However, if one is able to move on from past mistakes and start anew, it is possible to find a suitable partner.

The individual in question demonstrates a serious and willing approach to relationships. However, it is important to recognise that giving does not necessarily guarantee a similar level of return. Firstly, it is essential to ascertain whether the individual can be relied upon. This requires a period of testing to determine their reliability. From the initial lack of awareness to the subsequent challenges of entering society, the individual's social perception has undergone a transformation. This has resulted in a shift in their mentality, which has become distorted. Due to a desire to avoid further suffering, the individual has resorted to taking a shortcut to success. Consequently, they have come to believe that they have fallen into the hands of the other party. Has the other party changed? Rather, it is the individual who has undergone a transformation. Their inability to withstand the challenges of life has led them to seek external blame. This has resulted in a perception of their own incompetence.

The questioner may then conclude that the other girlfriend is superior to himself and that he has been outshone. He may also decide that he should continue fighting for someone who does not deserve his love and that it is a waste of his time.

He simply selected a partner whose worldview aligns with his own. This individual can provide him with more material benefits than emotional ones, as he does not prioritize emotions to the extent that they require self-sacrifice, giving, and hard work.

The relationship the questioner needs should be one that is more about warmth, genuine empathy, and mutual understanding. This will enable the hearts of the two people to come together without distinguishing between you and me. It is also worth pursuing and giving to the questioner, and feeling the solid sense of security brought about by the other person's recognition.

In conclusion, I would like to leave you with the words, "You can never wake someone who's pretending to sleep." I would also like to send the questioner's former partner the same message as I have sent the questioner. If they have already come to their senses, they can summarize what has been described above. Love is not a transaction of resources. It is not unfortunate or pitiful to lack material resources. First, learn to love yourself well, start living well, and you will find the right person.

Best regards,

This is often how love develops. Initially, it is very sweet and you are very much in love with each other. However, as time goes by, the relationship can become more and more turbulent, and you may feel a lot of pressure and fear. You were once so good to him, but then he betrayed you.

I'll let you know the kind of situation that you may not have been aware of, namely that the original wife became involved with another man. You couldn't get married because you didn't have a material foundation, and the other person got together with another woman who often bought him things. It seems to be for material reasons, but it's worth asking how long a relationship like this can last for material reasons.

While she can provide him with material things, it's important to recognize that the other person is still comparing you to the mistress in every way. This can be a painful experience. If possible, it might be helpful to try to understand why the other person is doing this.

It's possible that your boyfriend is expecting more in terms of material rewards, which is why he says that you are so different from each other. It seems that you've reached a point where you can't stand his excessive remarks anymore. It might be helpful to consider that this kind of guy is already constantly belittling himself, so there's no point in continuing to get involved.

You have been so good to him, but he has treated you poorly. It's difficult to accept. You have also made too many changes for him, even though we don't need to change a lot of the time. You originally hoped not to leave him, but circumstances have unfortunately led to this outcome.

If the other party has already cheated, it might be best to consider other options than getting back together. Breaking up is also a necessary choice. There is no need to maintain a marriage with no future just because of what society thinks. The other party's harm to you can still be addressed in counseling. You might find it helpful to take a psychological test for potential internal trauma and talk to a heart exploration coach or psychological listener.

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello, question asker. From your words, I can sense your disappointment, pain, and confusion about this relationship. I will share my perspective, and I hope that my answer will be helpful to you.

From your words, I can sense your attachment to him. Given that you may have lacked sufficient love during your formative years and that he provided you with a degree of warmth at a pivotal moment, you may find yourself holding on to him tightly, reluctant to let him go. As you mentioned, regardless of whether he raises his voice or admonishes you, you are quick to apologize. However, the outcome may not align with your expectations. He may eventually choose to leave you, and you may even begin to believe that he will eventually leave you altogether. This could lead to a somewhat negative perception of the relationship, as it may be challenging to imagine that one person can be a constant companion.

It is precisely because of this that you may find yourself in a state of conflict. You may expect him to provide you with a certain level of warmth, but you may also have doubts about his ability to do so. This has led to some hurt feelings in the relationship. You may feel that you cannot fully trust his love for you and that you have formed a closer bond with him than a mere romantic partner. You may desire a partner who is warm and supportive when you are lonely or in need of help. However, it is important to have a clear understanding of the situation. A relationship can help us identify our own shortcomings and flaws, as well as the emotional communication methods that are worth affirming or continuing. You may find it helpful to list what you have learned from this relationship and what you would like to improve.

I would gently suggest that you consider focusing on yourself. When you feel uncomfortable, painful, or helpless, you might try to satisfy some of your basic desires. If you are unable to do so, you could try to find a good friend to vent your inner emotions or seek help from the community. For instance, you could consider making donations, which could help you feel happier and more cheerful. Alternatively, you might like to think about seeking help from a counselor.

When you think of the time you spent with him, you might like to consider trying to accept the current situation. You may find it helpful to leave the rest to time. It's probably best not to force yourself not to think about him and the time you spent with him, because the more you don't want to, the more your mind will wander to these thoughts. This is a psychological phenomenon known as the "white bear effect".

I would like to share a saying that I find particularly inspiring: "May you devote three-tenths to improving yourself, three-tenths to your career, two-tenths to friendship, one-tenth to love, and one-tenth to being at ease."

I wish you the best.

I would like to extend my love and best wishes to the world and to you.

Hello? I can feel your loss from your description. Let me give you a warm hug, okay?

1.

You were right to say you didn't agree to get married because you were financially immature. It's so fortunate you didn't agree, otherwise you would have found out only after you got married that he was having an affair, and then you would have suffered even more. After all, the concepts of breaking up and divorce are still quite big! In fact, he let you see his true face sooner!

2.

You said he hit you, and you came to apologize. Why not take responsibility for your own mistakes? Think about all the amazing things you can do!

Whoever marries a domestic abuser will regret it! But you, my friend, are not going to be one of them! You're going to leave as soon as possible, and you're going to be so happy you did!

3.

It seems like you're changing for him. Live your own life! You don't have to change for anyone, and you'll feel so much better. We are all independent individuals, and we are also college students, right? Don't lose yourself for a scumbag! You can only live a better life by relying on your own abilities and not relying on others!

4.

He's not wealthy, and he wants a phone that his girlfriend has to buy for him. I don't think that's something a man should do. It always feels like he lacks backbone! Since he loves her, let him have his way. What's so regrettable about losing him?

I'm so excited to see what the future holds for us!

5.

I admire you for moving out immediately and starting your life over! The past is the past. The problem itself is not a problem. It's how you perceive it!

We have invested two years of our youth in seeing a person, learning from our mistakes, absorbing the lessons, and staying away from such people!

I wish you all the best! I'm so happy I could help and inspire you in some way!

Hello, I hope my answer can be of help to you.

First of all, you haven't got the result you were hoping for after all this time. You haven't got the respect you deserve from the other person, and now you're doubting yourself and feeling pretty sad!

First, give yourself a pat on the back for getting through this.

First, what have you learned from this relationship? You were still living in your own world, thinking that unconditional giving would be reciprocated.

I really hope that my efforts will make this relationship last. But in the end, this approach proved to be irrational.

Secondly, you care too much about what other people think and you've wronged yourself in order to get your boyfriend's approval. But your boyfriend also said some pretty outrageous things in order to break up with you as soon as possible.

You can't judge a person by looking at their face. You don't know your boyfriend's true nature, and you're not being rational, so you've suffered a big setback that's hard to recover from.

Third: blessings and misfortunes are intertwined. You've given so much to your boyfriend, and after marriage, you may become even more passive. In order to maintain the relationship, you've compromised yourself, and it will be difficult for you to be happy in this life. So the breakup has made you understand some truths that will be beneficial for you to gain better and true happiness in the future.

Now that you're aware of some issues, if you're struggling to move on, you can speak to a listener or counselor to gain more insight. Think about the situation with a positive mindset and try to let go of any negative thoughts.

You might also want to read more psychology books to help you improve yourself.

I love what I do, and I love you too!

Hello, the author of the question. I can see you as if I were face-to-face.

After carefully reading your post, I can understand how your inner world might have suddenly collapsed. It can be difficult to accept that the person you trusted the most, the person you wanted to entrust your life to, has become the one who hurt and betrayed you. However, from my perspective, I have also discovered a lot, and I hope it will give you some inspiration.

1. From your description, it seems that he may be somewhat materialistic and lacking in responsibility.

"He told you that because of his kindness to you, he had missed the most important turning point in his life, his world view had collapsed, and half of his life was gone."

It seems that he feels this way because, after he cheated on you, he ended the relationship because another woman discovered your existence. It appears that he is comparing you with that woman, and the only thing being compared is that the woman is more generous on a material level. This kind of man, who feels no remorse after cheating but instead feels that he is the one who has been hurt, may not be the best person to cling to or depend on.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to you on recognizing this man at an early stage. Despite the unfortunate incident that occurred, it is a positive step forward to have made the decision to move on from this relationship. It is through facing challenges and experiencing pain that we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

2. Perhaps it would be helpful to take some time to reflect and heal, and you may find that you will grow. I would like to offer my perspective on the pattern of your relationship over the past two years:

"I've been with him since I graduated from college. He's like a family member to me and my only source of support. I'll change whatever he dislikes about me. No matter how we fight, even if he hits me, I'm the one who apologizes. I used to think I'd never leave him."

In your description, you mentioned that you have no material foundation and no family. Perhaps you grew up in an environment that lacked love, so after graduation, when you met someone who was slightly kind to you, you felt that he was the center of your world and you wanted to entrust him with your life. For his sake, you lost yourself, and you made various changes in an effort to gain his favor. Even if he hit you, you went to apologize.

I can see that you have formed a very close bond with this person. As a mother of two daughters, I would like to suggest that, no matter what your past experiences may have been, it is important to learn to love yourself before entering into an intimate relationship. When you are independent, grown up and confident, you will be able to give your intimate relationship a more comfortable sense of space and coordination. It is possible that, if you continue to cater to and give blindly, the other person may not feel as loved as you intend.

3. Finally, I would like to share a few words with you. I can imagine that you might feel isolated and helpless at the moment, but perhaps this experience will help you find your own more suitable position and the correct way to open up intimate relationships sooner.

You may wish to consider making more friends, reading more books about personal growth and intimacy, and becoming more self-reliant and self-confident. When you are self-reliant and confident enough, you may find that your world is much broader and you will have more choices.

Hello.

Host:

After carefully reading the post, I could clearly see the sadness in the poster's words. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster was courageous in expressing his distress and actively seeking help on the platform. This undoubtedly helped the poster gain a deeper understanding of himself, his ex-boyfriend, and the nature of their relationship.

You will get out of this predicament.

I will now share my observations and thoughts in the post, which will undoubtedly help the original poster gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

1. Allow yourself to grieve.

From the post, I can clearly see the pain the poster is in. I also know that the poster wants to be relieved from it soon. However, often, the more we want to be relieved, the more we force ourselves, and the more we cannot do it.

I've already told you not to think about the little red elephant. You've got the image of the little red horn in your mind. We can protect ourselves from this.

Psychologists refer to this as the grieving process. It's a natural response to any loss, and accepting that sadness is an important part of the healing process.

Grief takes time to flow. Once it has flowed for a certain period, it is called the grieving process. How do we understand this flow?

You must allow yourself to grieve, to cry when you are sad, to find a suitable place to cry it out. If you can't hold back when you have a breakdown, then don't hold back. You have so many teachers here at Yixinli to keep you company.

Expressing and releasing your emotions can help you feel more relaxed or give you breathing space. If you're struggling to deal with your emotions, you can always try to escape. There's nothing wrong with that. You can go on a trip, go for a walk, or do whatever it takes to change your mood.

2. You must learn to grow yourself in the relationship.

This relationship has caused the host a lot of harm. This is an objective fact that we cannot change. However, we can and should try to review the relationship and absorb the nutrients from it to grow ourselves.

In the post, the host mentioned that he has worked very hard to maintain the relationship. He changes whatever you don't like, apologizes first when there is a conflict, and even apologizes first when you get beaten up. Let me be clear: when I read this, I feel a bit sorry for you.

She works very hard, but in return she gets hurt. This is something no one can understand.

In relationships, you don't get what you give. Giving and getting are not the same thing.

The reality is that in many relationships, the harder you try, the less happy you are. Having explored this, it's time for the host to ask himself why she is working so hard to please.

This is flattery, plain and simple. It's about circling around him and putting his needs before your own.

This is something the host needs to address.

This is also part of the growth that the original poster needs. People often care too much about relationships because they're afraid of losing something. But this fear is a lack of security, confidence, and self-worth.

She believes that only if she gives, she will be valuable and others will not abandon her. This is a flawed assumption. Self-sacrifice will also make us lose our charm.

There is a lot more to this part if you want to grow. I will not go into it here.

3. You need to think about why you are so miserable.

Some people suffer greatly from a broken heart, while others downplay it. They do so because they believe in themselves and deserve to be treated well and better.

The breakup was simply a matter of incompatibility between the two individuals. Neither party's self-esteem or confidence was negatively affected.

The relationship between you and you before and after the breakup has not changed.

People who suffer greatly from a breakup are often those whose relationship with themselves has changed significantly before and after the breakup. When there is no breakup, they can feel that they are liked and accepted.

Then you will like and accept yourself. After the breakup, when others don't like you anymore, you will like yourself too. You will have self-esteem and confidence because you know you are not worlds apart from the other woman.

That's why it's so painful.

You must change your relationship with yourself to get out of pain. Construct your own internal evaluation system, get to know and appreciate yourself, and accept yourself.

This is how we become more confident.

4. Ask for help.

When we face a broken heart, it's natural to feel like there's no way out. We're in the middle of it, and we're vulnerable. It's tough to see another possibility. But we need support the most then. The host should ask for help.

Look into the resources around you and find people you can turn to for help. This is the best way to help yourself.

If someone is there with you to grieve, it is a great source of support, and your heart will feel better.

I am Zeng Chen, a certified coach at OnePsych. I hope these words will be of help and inspiration to the poster. If you need further communication, click on Find a Coach to have one-on-one communication and face it together.

Dear Question Asker, I hope this message finds you well.

After reviewing your account, I empathize with your situation and wish to extend my support. I recognize the challenges you are facing and understand the difficulties you are experiencing.

It is possible that you may be experiencing a range of intense emotions, including disappointment, pain, anger, and a sense of struggle. The loss of an important relationship, the process of transition and adjustment, and the journey of healing and reorganizing oneself can be challenging for anyone. It is my hope that my response will offer you a degree of relief and understanding.

Furthermore, it is my sincere hope that this will imbue you with greater strength.

1. Situation summary:

You had been in a relationship for two years and had been proposed to, but you had never married due to a lack of financial stability. During the conflict, he made statements that caused you emotional distress, and you also discovered that he had been unfaithful to you.

Your boyfriend held the belief that you were inferior to this girl and made a series of disparaging remarks about you. The sudden turn of events caused you to experience a profound sense of distress, leading you to relocate and terminate the relationship.

You had been in a relationship with him since you graduated from college, and he was your primary source of emotional support. It is understandable that you did not anticipate ending the relationship or finding yourself in this situation.

2. Understanding of the predicament:

It is understandable that you are facing the loss of an important relationship. It is normal to experience despair and pain when facing loss, and it is even more common to experience self-doubt. Our world view, self-perception, and even beliefs can be challenged in the aftermath of such a significant loss.

The experience of loss is an inevitable aspect of the human condition. The manner in which individuals cope with the aftermath of a loss, and the subsequent reconstruction of their lives, can significantly influence the extent to which they are able to recuperate from the loss in question.

The text describes a boyfriend who has not apologized or taken responsibility for his misconduct in the relationship, including lying, betrayal, and infidelity. Instead, he has belittled the relationship and even blamed the breakup on the victim. In every relationship, both adults are at least 50% responsible.

One should not assume sole responsibility for the dissolution of a relationship. "Due to the benevolence demonstrated towards me, I missed the most pivotal turning point in my life." "There is a significant distinction between me and that woman." His allegations and disparagement of you are not accurate, and you are not culpable for them.

The decision to lose is a personal one, and therefore the responsibility for it lies with the individual in question. It is not reasonable to expect that a relationship will not be compared to other relationships, but it is unfair to compare one individual to another.

Each individual possesses a distinctive set of characteristics, including personal charm and personality traits, which are unlikely to undergo significant alteration as a result of external, subjective evaluations.

It is not uncommon for individuals who place a high degree of trust and reliance on another person to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, disappointment, and anger, when that person behaves in a way that is perceived as unacceptable. In such instances, it is important to reflect on whether one truly understands the other person and their actions.

What is the meaning of compromising one's principles and conceding endlessly in a relationship? What are the motivations behind such actions?

"I will alter any aspect of myself that he finds disagreeable. Regardless of the nature of our disagreements, even if he resorts to physical violence, I will apologize," solely to maintain the relationship. In doing so, one relinquishes their individual identity and becomes subsumed by the relationship. The existence of the "I" and the "he" is contingent upon the existence of the "we." Without the "I," there is no "we."

A healthy relationship is characterized by a high level of mutual love and acceptance. Every conflict that arises in a relationship represents an attempt to achieve a state of equilibrium.

If one is willing to apologize even after being physically assaulted, it is indicative of a highly imbalanced relationship. It is possible that the relationship has already reached its conclusion due to the prevalence of such conflicts.

Do the experiences accrued in the relationship facilitate an enhanced understanding of one's own self? Or is there a persistent necessity to contend with one's own shortcomings and those of the other person?

This relationship may provide an opportunity for introspection and a more objective assessment of oneself and the other person. It may also facilitate a more objective analysis of the interactions between the two individuals. How might one modify one's behavior to align with the desired relationship dynamic?

This may be a useful approach to consider in contemplating the nature of future relationships.

"I consider him my family, my only support." The meaning ascribed to the relationship has numerous ramifications. He is your partner, your family member, and your support, your sole source of support.

The relationship in question carries with it a significant degree of responsibility. Should the relationship be lost, the result would be the loss of one's only family member and support system, with the experience being exceedingly adverse and desperate.

It would appear that you have lost all hope. However, this hope was originally placed in yourself.

If one relies on others, one is bound to experience disappointment. Conversely, reliance on oneself precludes disappointment. When one becomes a source of one's own strength, one can maintain a healthy self-esteem and self-confidence without compromising and giving in to others.

One can rely on oneself while also relying on others without losing one's identity. This enables one to become a source of support for those they love. A mutually supportive partnership can last a long time.

An additional prerequisite is the conviction that one is capable of achieving the desired outcome without external assistance.

It is imperative to recognize one's inherent worth and the right to a fulfilling relationship. Every individual deserves a connection that is characterized by admiration and regard.

3. Advisory:

The acceptance of reality and the commencement of the recovery process may prove challenging. In such instances, it may be beneficial to recall the following:

1) Admit the betrayal and do not attempt to deny its existence.

2) Reinterpret the betrayal in a positive light and utilize it as a catalyst for personal growth.

3) It is advisable to rely on friends and seek support.

4) Time is the most effective remedy.

Should the negative emotions persist and prove overwhelming, impeding one's ability to cope and temporarily impairing one's capacity to care for oneself, it is advisable to seek support from friends, who can serve as a temporary source of assistance in navigating this challenging period.

It is crucial to prioritize self-care and physical health. However, if desired, one may engage in conversation with friends when they are ready.

Nevertheless, if one is currently disinclined to engage in discourse regarding these thoughts and feelings, it is advisable to refrain from doing so. There is no obligation to discuss them if one is not ready. In the event that this experience has resulted in enduring emotional injury and left a profound psychological impact, it is recommended to seek the guidance of a qualified counselor.

In the interim, it is imperative to prioritize self-care. If the present circumstances are already distressing, it is unlikely that they will become more so.

It is my hope that this response will provide you with a deeper understanding and a sense of companionship.

It is my contention that you will soon encounter a more evolved aspect of your self.

These are all necessary paths of growth, and although individuals may experience setbacks in varying ways,

Fortunately, we are all confronted with these challenges, and we have the opportunity to learn and grow from them. Despite the difficulties, we retain the capacity to make choices and influence our circumstances.

Hello! I'm Gu Yi, and I'm as modest and humble as ever.

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling a little sad and humble about this relationship.

Have you ever wondered what kind of love you really need?

Love is all about empowering each other. A good love is about mutual achievement. I can see you've put a lot of effort into this relationship, which is great! I just want to encourage you to also focus on reciprocating the love you receive.

When we reach a certain stage of growth, love becomes a necessity and an inevitable part of our lives. But, oh my, the road to finding the right person is always full of obstacles and hardships!

It's totally okay if it's a challenge! As long as we end up together in the end, it's all worth it. In the love you choose, the other person might not give you all the security you need, and there might be a few hiccups along the way. But that's okay! We can take a look at what kind of relationship we need and what kind of person we should meet.

Take a good look at yourself and know when it's time to move on.

Since we haven't gotten what we deserve, it's time to take a good look at our current situation and decide what we can do to make it better.

Life is a journey, long or short. It's okay if it's been a while since you found love. Just remember, if you keep looking in the right direction, you'll always find the right person for you.

When it comes to love, it's important to remember that no matter how much we love, we shouldn't be too humble. The way others treat us depends on us, so let's try our best to be kind and loving!

Your partner may feel that this is what they should do and that there is nothing wrong with them doing this because of your blind devotion and lack of expectation of reciprocation. It would be great if we could have a good talk and express our demands and thoughts about this relationship.

Wishing you all the best!