My child is 3 months old and he lies constantly, lacking in integrity. What should I do?

From your account, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner turmoil and helplessness. The questioner has articulated a multitude of grievances pertaining to her husband, including his proclivity for gambling and alcohol consumption, his borrowing of your financial resources, and his failure to adhere to the agreed-upon repayment schedule, leading to a perception of him not honoring his commitments.

It is recommended that you go out to dinner with friends and refrain from offering to pay. Instead, allow another individual to pay and then feign ignorance regarding the matter.

These are the issues you have with your husband. You may wish to consider writing about his positive attributes. It is unlikely that anyone is entirely negative or positive, so it is probable that your husband has positive attributes. Additionally, how long did you go from dating to getting married?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the relationship is currently free or otherwise. In order to do so, it would be helpful to consider what initially attracted the individual to the husband in question, and whether this still holds true today.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the qualities that initially attracted the subject to her husband have remained intact.

It is inevitable that marital discord will arise in any relationship. However, when such issues occur, it is imperative that they are addressed promptly and effectively through open communication. It is unproductive and counterproductive to either blame one's partner or to remain silent when problems arise.

The consequence is frequently that the issue remains unresolved, resulting in a deterioration in the emotional bond between the two partners.

Some individuals are unable to cease their arguments, or they become indifferent and ignore their partner's existence. The family home becomes a battleground or an ice cave, where people live in torment and want to escape as soon as they arrive.

It is recommended that marital problems be addressed in the following manner.

1. It is essential to identify the root cause of the emotional problems and to implement a solution in a timely manner.

In general, couples experience conflict when one party's words or actions are perceived as unacceptable by the other. Frequently, one party attempts to remind the other of these unacceptable actions, yet the other party does not alter their behavior and even provides justifications for their actions.

Such actions will likely elicit a strong negative reaction from the other party. As the original poster's experience illustrates, despite a spouse's assurances that they will refrain from certain behaviors, such as drinking or playing mahjong, the individual may repeatedly engage in these activities. This can lead to significant distress for the spouse. However, if the couple is able to engage in reflection and sincere communication,

If one believes that a resolution can be achieved in an effective manner,

2. It is essential to develop the ability to communicate proactively, thereby facilitating the expression of the other person's genuine feelings and needs.

Frequently, when marital discord arises, it is often the case that each party is unable to comprehend the other's actions, internalizes their grievances, and is reluctant to communicate. However, they unconsciously transfer their negative emotions and complaints to the other person.

When a couple's expectations are not met, they may engage in a series of arguments that intensify with each iteration. This phenomenon is not limited to romantic relationships; it can occur in any interpersonal dynamic where one party's preferences are not aligned with the other's. In such cases, it is crucial for the individual who is dissatisfied to communicate their feelings directly to the other person. This communication should include expressing one's hopes for the other's well-being and outlining desired actions.

It is important to note that a scolding or complete rejection is not an appropriate response. There should be some entertainment, as long as it is not gambling. Men should also have their own social circle. For both men and women, a controlling and overly restrictive relationship is likely to result in a desire for escape.

It would be more beneficial to treat him like a kite, allowing him to soar, while maintaining control by keeping the string in your hands.

It is essential to be self-aware in order to identify the underlying motives behind one's actions. In this case, it would be beneficial to examine the underlying reasons for not wanting one's husband to drink and play cards. Could it be that the desire is for the husband to spend more time with the wife and to pay her greater attention?

It is also possible that your desire to exert control over your husband stems from your own insecurities. You may find it helpful to identify the recurring themes in your life that evoke these feelings of control and work on addressing them independently.

3. It is imperative that in a marital union, one does not incessantly attempt to compel one's partner to adhere to a singular set of beliefs and actions.

In life, it is crucial to avoid imposing one's own desires and expectations on one's partner. As these demands continue to increase, the individual may begin to feel as though their thoughts and actions are entirely constrained. Over time, this can lead to a sense of being suffocated within the marriage. Furthermore, it is important to recognize that there is no absolute right or wrong in many situations; rather, there are merely diverse perspectives and views.

Therefore, in a marriage, it is imperative that couples demonstrate tolerance for each other and strive to comprehend their partner's perspective. As Schopenhauer posited, "Marriage means making mutual disgust possible."

"Our backgrounds are all different, therefore, it is imperative that we accept the differences in our partners. Their personalities were formed in their families, and yours in yours. Accepting the similarities and differences in each other is the key to a better life.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, I hope this message finds you well.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're feeling. I'll give you a few suggestions that you can think about in your own situation.

The situation you described is like going back to your parents' house. Your husband will complain that you never ask him how much money he spent today, and so on. When it comes to financial contributions and arguments, you can just tell him how much money you spent. That's what you should do. You spent it all on your own family, not on anyone else, so there's no problem.

Are you still unhappy? Do you need me to reimburse you?

It's about being able to express your needs. For instance, when it comes to sacrifices you make for your family, you might think you shouldn't worry too much because you're all family. How can you express your thoughts and needs fully? You could also follow up the latter part of the sentence with a joke, like "Why are you so upset?"

Are you unhappy? Do you need me to reimburse you?

etc.

Secondly, we really need to be clear that we don't accept domestic violence in any form. We need to show we're serious about this and deal with it properly.

The third point is about money. It seems like he took about 20,000 yuan from you and then didn't give it back. Instead, he mocked and ridiculed you. He got the money back in a way that was pretty aggressive. I think this experience will be bad for your relationship. Also, in the future, you'll probably manage your own money and won't give him any. There are still some problems between you two.

There are also some issues between you two regarding your living habits. For example, he enjoys drinking and playing mahjong, and you often argue and disagree. There are still some opinions and misunderstandings between you two about each other.

So, what about the relationship? It's a two-way street, and it needs to be maintained and managed together. Now that the current marital status has reached a point where it is difficult to continue, and it feels like being bullied, if you just separate, it is not what you want. As a result, you will have to make some corresponding changes and adjustments for your spouse and your marital home.

You might need some professional help to keep your marriage on track. Best wishes!

Hello, dear! Thank you so much for your reply. I have read your reply and re-read your question, and I'm here to help in any way I can!

I'm sorry to say that it seems like your husband is a bit of a bully. It's likely that his behavior is related to his family of origin. He's already made these wrong words and deeds a habit, so it's going to be very difficult to change him.

However, remember what my wonderful psychological counselor said: "Whoever is anxious, adjusts; whoever is suffering, changes." Since you can't change your husband, you can only try to let go! Of course, this doesn't mean you must divorce your husband!

It's okay to accept that your husband has a lot of shortcomings. You don't have to change him. Instead, focus on changing your own state of mind! For example, if he loves to drink and play mahjong, just let him be. Don't worry about him. Be supportive by going along with him a little. You could even go to the temple and pray for a lucky charm for him, saying "I hope it will bless him with better luck at mahjong and more winnings." This will avoid more conflicts with him!

I know it can be tough, but try to "stop the loss"! As they say, "God changes himself; those who want to change others are insane!"

"

Secondly, you can try to be more aware. Your husband's situation is also a kind of reminder to you. It's always better to rely on yourself than others, and you can definitely grow yourself! You can try to improve your abilities in all aspects and strive to become financially independent.

And finally, if we remove the moral judgment, your husband's so-called alcoholism and mahjong playing are, to some extent, a kind of empathy and emotional support! This shows that he did not feel any love during his growth process. So, let's increase the "bargaining chips" for divorce!

I know this is tough, but if we remove the moral judgment, your husband's so-called alcoholism and playing mahjong is, to some extent, a kind of empathy or emotional support. This shows that he did not feel any love during his growth process.

It's clear that he's also very selfish towards his parents. We all know the saying: children are a mirror for their parents. It seems like he's treating his parents the way he thinks they treated him, and now that you're married and have children, he's treating you the same way.

In other words, it seems that the "language of love" between the two of you is not quite on the same channel! When a person's inner "love box" is empty, they will often attract attention from others through some kind of "irrational" means.

His kind actions of "helping a colleague pay off their credit card" and "enjoying others paying the bill" at dinner parties are all attempts to fill the "void" in his heart! Have you ever been "aware" of these things?

In short, you have so many wonderful resources within you! Why not try to tap into them?

Hello, questioner!

I have read everything you have described about what you are going through, including the additional information you have added at the end. I have also read that this is not the first time you have sought help. All of this reflects the torment and helplessness you feel inside. I really feel for you, and I want to give you a warm hug first.

"What should I do? You don't want a divorce, but you need to do something about this guy."

I want to know why you're not willing to divorce someone with such a character.

His various problems are as follows:

He is mean to your parents, unwilling to spend money, and has to look them in the face.

He lies constantly, breaks his promises, and is a deadbeat after marriage.

He is also abusive, verbally abusive, and selfish to the extreme.

He often quarrels over money and is unreliable.

5. He loves to drink and play mahjong, and he is untrustworthy.

He takes advantage of others and can't stand to lose.

He even hit your mother when they had a fight.

He doesn't care much about the three-month-old either.

Your current problems are:

You are currently experiencing financial difficulties due to the fact that the child is only three months old, you are still on maternity leave, and you have not yet returned to work.

You should each be responsible for your own family expenses, but he spent most of his money on his own pleasures, drinking and playing mahjong.

You and your mother have been taking care of the children, and your mother-in-law, who can't put the children to sleep, has already returned to her hometown. This will undoubtedly impact your ability to return to work after your maternity leave ends.

You didn't know what kind of person he was before marriage. You saw his rascal nature on the first day of your marriage. He hasn't changed much.

In this marriage, you have always been the one who has given the most, whether it is to the children or to your entire family, including your parents. He has been absent and irresponsible.

You are currently unhappy, and your children will undoubtedly suffer as a result of this family environment.

...

1) Based on the fact that he hit you and your mother, there is no reason not to divorce him. There is zero tolerance for domestic violence. He is selfish, ruthless, has no respect or appreciation for you, and is completely irresponsible for your marriage and your children. You have been too tolerant and helpless.

2) You should have seen his true face before marriage. How did you meet?

Tell me, were your previous relationships good? And why does he now treat you so carelessly and without any regard?

I want to know if there's another reason for this.

3) I understand your concerns. Divorce is not the best option right now. Your child is still young, your job is still unstable, and after you go to work, who will help you with the child so that you can focus on your work? You need to consider these things right now.

4) You need to ask yourself if there's a way to have the best of both worlds. You may have pondered this question countless times, but you really need to ask your heart. Is it because you still have feelings for him?

Or is it because the timing is not right? If you still care, you need to stop letting him keep hurting you so recklessly.

If you care about each other, one-sided devotion will not lead to a long-lasting and stable relationship. If he also cares, he needs to communicate effectively to solve the problems first and then slowly recover.

5) Let's be real, nobody's perfect. But character matters. You can be broke and ugly, but you should at least treat your partner, kids, and parents right. You've got to be responsible, honest, and have zero tolerance for domestic violence. Is he willing to do the work to change?

6) The man you see now may also be a projection of yourself. You also need to actively adjust your state of mind. Don't be depressed. Think positively and be optimistic. If you really want to leave this man, do it when you have the financial means to do so. That way, you will at least have the confidence to fight for custody of your child.

Get some rest and take care of your health. Love yourself and your child. Be kind to yourself. Don't overthink it. It will get better, I promise. Stay strong!

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Greetings. I am Gu Yi, and I approach this matter with the usual modesty and humility.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing significant challenges in your role as a mother. Having navigated the initial stages of motherhood, you are acutely aware of the difficulties and emotional distress that accompany this transition.

1. Deception and domestic violence perpetrated by the husband.

Upon his initial visit to my residence, he returned visibly distressed, stating, "You did not inquire about the financial expenditure I incurred today."

The initial instance of physical violence occurred when my husband stated, "I find you disgusting now." I was taken aback. He then inquired, "You actually hit me?" and proceeded to justify his actions by stating, "I'm not even living with you anymore, so why can't I hit you?"

This is a situation with which you are intimately familiar, and your husband has caused you pain. The harm has been gradual, so what are your thoughts on this matter? Fundamentally, your husband is someone who cares about money. We are currently on maternity leave and already have a child, which makes this situation more complicated. However, regardless of the problem at hand, we must have a bottom line and principles. Some things, once started, will have a follow-up, so it is important for the questioner to consider this carefully.

2. Family life necessitates the collaboration of a husband and wife.

In the initial description, we did not mention the related life pressures, but only the husband's many bad habits. It is often said that men only grow up when they become fathers. For the sake of their children, many women make significant personal sacrifices, including considering divorce. Therefore, it is important to make efforts to help husbands recognize their problems and learn to cope with the challenges of daily life, family management, and child-rearing. Although this process is often difficult and presents new challenges, with continued effort, it is possible to make positive changes. It is my hope that, with guidance, your husband will be able to make significant progress.

3. Recommendations for Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution with Your Spouse

A. In essence, the majority of individuals exhibit a dichotomous nature: they are vulnerable when confronted with a formidable adversary but resilient when confronted with an inferior one. It is, therefore, imperative to ascertain our own precise position and establish a well-defined trajectory. Regardless of the circumstances that may arise in our relationships with our husbands, we must maintain our autonomy and self-reliance.

B. Establish life goals together with your husband, engage in constructive dialogue about the future, develop a more comprehensive future plan, and foster a greater appreciation for life in your husband.

C. It is important to recognize that while human nature is challenging to alter, human behavior patterns can be modified. The origins of an individual's personality are intricately linked to their surrounding environment, and each person possesses a fundamental sense of self-worth, responsibility, and accomplishment. Therefore, if we can instill in our husbands a desire to work diligently, it will naturally lead to a resolution.

As the adage states, "A returned prodigal son is worth his weight in gold." Regardless of whether or not your husband is a prodigal son, if you desire a superior quality of life in the future, this is an indispensable element. It is also my hope that you will be able to identify a method that aligns with your needs and achieve a life that is both joyful and meaningful.

I extend my best wishes to you.

From what you've shared, I can sense the frustration and despair you're experiencing.

"I don't want a divorce, but what can I do if I'm dealing with someone like this?" This is a common dilemma. While you may not want a divorce emotionally, it can be challenging to change the status quo when faced with such a challenging situation.

When facing the decision to divorce, it is important to consider a range of factors beyond emotions alone. A rational analysis can provide valuable insight into the best course of action.

This is a complex issue that involves a range of considerations, including emotional factors and practical aspects such as financial interests and child support.

May I respectfully inquire as to what factors are influencing your decision not to pursue a divorce?

This is a crucial question, and the answer to it is something you are currently undecided about.

Perhaps the question is whether it would be better to give the child a complete home?

Or perhaps it is for your own financial and living situation?

To avoid loneliness and to protect your reputation?

Or perhaps there are still some illusions you hold about your husband?

It would be helpful to consider this question carefully and to think further. If divorce is the only option, it might be useful to consider how you would deal with the concerns you have about divorce.

For instance, if you are reluctant to divorce, it may be because you desire a complete family unit for the sake of your child.

You have concerns about the impact of divorce on your children. You are worried about how the outside world will view your decision, which could make your children feel inferior. You are also concerned that your children may lack a father's love and that their personality development could be affected.

It is worth noting that providing your child with a complete family unit may contribute to their overall well-being and happiness. However, it is also important to consider the potential impact of a poor marital relationship, such as one where there is a history of domestic violence or frequent conflict between parents, on the child's development.

It is worth noting that this completeness is only formal, and not necessarily for the sake of the child's health and happiness.

It might be helpful to consider that if you can find a partner with whom you get along well, even if you raise your child alone, and the child feels loved, it will be a child full of love, and this may not necessarily be directly related to whether you get divorced or not.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following: try to identify the underlying concerns and examine them more closely.

This may help you to sort out your thoughts and plan for the future, rather than saying "no" based on feelings.

If you were to remain married, how would you manage your relationship?

Given his track record of misrepresenting the truth, it would be unwise to place undue trust in his promises.

Given your awareness of his tendency to lie, you request a commitment from him and then find yourself repeatedly in the role of the vulnerable individual being deceived. It is important to recognize that this is not a case of him exerting control over you, but rather a choice you have made to allow yourself to be influenced.

It might be the case that drinking and playing mahjong are addictive behaviors that are beyond his conscious control.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the issue of violence against you. If he thinks violence can solve problems, then this is a significant concern, at least for you and your children, as it raises questions about your safety.

All of the above are things you may wish to consider. If you decide not to divorce, how might you accept and deal with these facts that you cannot change?

It is likely that, whether you divorce or not, the choice will be difficult and that you will face challenges.

You must decide whether you are prepared to face the challenges that divorce will undoubtedly bring, or whether you are willing to endure the difficulties that not getting a divorce will undoubtedly cause.

It is important to remember that neither path is easy. In order to protect yourself and your children from the challenges ahead, it is essential to become stronger.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you in sorting out your feelings. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first, and it'll be the best hug ever!

I can feel the grievances, anger, lack of respect and understanding, confusion, and a deep sense of helplessness and powerlessness that you have accumulated in this marriage. But I also feel your longing to be understood, loved, cared for, and supported.

There's a great saying in psychology: "How others treat you is how you teach them." It might sound a bit harsh, but when we can really calm down and try to get along with our painful emotional feelings, we'll see that this saying really makes sense!

From your description, I can see that many of your husband's "firsts" have made you feel extremely uncomfortable. But here's the good news! You have the power to change this. You can choose to bravely and sincerely tell him how you feel about his words and actions. You can decide to suppress and hide your true emotions, or you can let him get away with it and support his actions. This will lead to a situation where he will never know that his words and actions have deeply hurt you. His hurtful and offensive words and actions will happen again and again, until your hurt feelings can no longer be suppressed and hidden, and they explode. Even though you are in pain, he will feel very innocent and think that you are making a big deal out of nothing, being unreasonable and stubborn, because at that moment he still doesn't know that he is hurting you again. So, are you giving him the opportunity to hurt you? Absolutely not! You have the power to change this. You can choose to bravely and sincerely tell him how you feel about his words and actions. You can decide to suppress and hide your true emotions, or you can let him get away with it and support his actions. You have the power to make a change. You can choose to take control of the situation. You can choose to make a positive change in your marriage. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to be confident. You can choose to be respected. You can choose to be loved. You can choose to be the best version of yourself. You can choose to be the amazing wife you know you can be. You can choose to be the best wife ever!

Let's be precise: the way he hurt you was, to some extent, permitted by you.

You have the power to change this! You can't let his hurtful words and actions go unanswered. You need to speak up and express your hurt in the face of his first hurtful words and actions. Your unresponsive attitude towards his hurtful actions implies that you are someone who can be treated casually, but you are so much more than that!

You chose to protect yourself because you were hurt by his many firsts. This shows that you trust him, especially as you described the situation where he doesn't pay back the money he borrowed. After you have demanded your money back in a sarcastic and pushy manner, no matter what reason or method he uses to ask you for money, you will definitely not give it to him. This is a great opportunity for you to reflect on why he didn't take the initiative to pay you back the money he borrowed. Did you know exactly what the money was for when he borrowed it?

Have you told him the deadline for repayment and your bottom line if he can't pay? Both husband and wife will inevitably encounter situations where they have to share control of money. If you refuse to give him any financial support because he hasn't repaid the money on time, what if he needs it for your joint household expenses?

And when you used sarcasm and ridicule to pressure him to pay you back, it showed that you had mistrust in him when you lent him the money! This approach of yours greatly hurt his self-esteem as a man, and made him feel strongly disbelieved in, unsupported, and without respect or understanding. What do you think?

He plays mahjong and drinks a lot, and the reason why he promises not to do it again every time you find out is actually out of fear. He knows it's not good, and he's afraid that you'll be upset and leave him because of it. He wants your life to continue, and he hopes that he can really stop doing it. But you must understand that the reason why a certain pattern of behavior recurs is that even if the person involved also knows that their behavior has a negative impact on their life and work, they just can't help it. It must be that the person involved gets some kind of satisfaction from their behavior, such as being respected, appreciated, supported, recognized, accepted... This is something you need to try to understand. It's also a part of your relationship that he's not getting, that's lacking.

Your marriage is the result of interactions, so it's time to make some positive changes! There's no doubt that you both have room to grow, and that's a great opportunity for you to learn and evolve together.

Absolutely! Relationships are also systems, and in particular, marital relationships. When one partner makes changes, the other is inspired to make corresponding changes. You chose to seek help proactively, and it is also because you first perceived the pain that the relationship brought to you. So, let the change start and happen from you! What do you say?

I'm so excited to share with you some tips that I think you'll really enjoy trying out!

1. Set your own boundaries and bottom lines in relationships — and own them!

2. When someone says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or hurt, it's time to speak up! Be brave and sincere. Tell them how you feel and what you want. If they're willing to listen, imagine how it'll make you feel and what you'll gain from the experience.

3. You want to be treated a certain way, so you should definitely try to treat yourself and others in that way first! Because how you treat yourself is how others will treat you, and how others treat you is what you teach them. The way you treat others will affect and suggest the way they respond to you.

The great news is that you can easily get to know yourself better! All you have to do is keep an emotional diary to record your usual emotional feelings in writing. This will help you better perceive and understand your emotions, cultivate the ability to self-reflect and care for yourself, and better explore and respond to the needs behind your emotions.

I'm Yang Lili, and I'm here to tell you all how much I love you!

Hello!

I'm a heart coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

From your description, I can see you are feeling helpless, disappointed, and confused.

You are troubled by your husband's lying and broken promises. I have three pieces of advice for you:

Ask yourself why you don't want a divorce.

Your husband lies and doesn't keep his word because you don't want to leave. He thinks you'll put up with it because you don't want a divorce.

Maybe you think that if you keep putting up with him, he'll change. Or maybe you're thinking about the kids and how they'll be affected if you get divorced. Or maybe you're worried about what people will say. Whatever the reason, you need to figure out why you don't want a divorce.

You can change the situation if you understand the reasons.

Second, think about the reasons you have found.

A rational perspective helps you understand yourself and reality better.

To rationalize, do the following:

It's hard to change your husband's behavior.

He doesn't care about you or the family.

See the reality. Accept that he lies and keeps his word. Don't expect anything from him.

You have time and energy to grow after your divorce.

If you don't want a divorce but are worried about the children, your reputation, or other issues, you need to learn to see yourself in a positive way. You are still young, and you have the time and energy to grow. In such a family atmosphere, the children will still be hurt, and the harm may even be greater than if you divorced. Although Dad is temporarily absent, he is basically negative. As for other issues related to public opinion, you also need to believe that you can handle them.

This isn't saying you have to divorce, but that you can live a relatively carefree life even without divorcing him.

When you think about it rationally, some of your negative emotions might go away.

Focus on yourself and think about how to relax.

When you look at your situation rationally, you may know what to do. Focus on yourself and try your best to do it.

If you've accepted the reality, stopped expecting him to change, and decided to get a divorce, then think about how to handle child custody and property. When you're dealing with these issues, you'll feel better because you know what you're doing.

If you don't want a divorce, that's fine. Give yourself some time and try not to be affected by his emotions and behavior. You can deal with him by "issue separation." In that case, you just ignore him. His every move doesn't affect you. What he does is his business, while how you respond is your business. You draw a line between you and him, and you won't feel bullied by him anymore. You also need to manage your own finances. Finance is the foundation of your ability to live a good life. In this way, you will feel better.

When he argues with you, don't let his emotions affect you.

Focus on yourself, live your life to the fullest, and make yourself a better person. Take good care of your child during maternity leave, recover your health, and work hard when you go back to work. This approach is the best way to "punish" him. The fundamental purpose is not to "punish" him, but to make yourself feel better. You can do something to change the situation.

Taking action can help you feel better. Sometimes, taking action is the best way to deal with negative emotions.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! It's so lovely to meet you. I'd love to chat with you about how we can handle a husband who lies habitually.

I've read your words over and over again, and I feel so much for you. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you all my love and understanding.

I really feel for you, going through all of this silently.

I'm really worried about the challenges you'll face in the future.

⭐️ It's totally normal to feel unsure when it comes to making a choice.

He once said some heartbreaking things, and they are still vivid in my mind. "From the first time I went to your home..." It seems like this relationship might have been a bit of a mistake from the start, and it seems like the questioner might have also fallen into doubt. I don't know if the questioner had already thought it through when they got married and if it was out of their own free will.

I've seen so many people get married without really understanding what they're getting into.

When they were newlyweds, he transferred 20,000 yuan to help a colleague pay off his credit card. Unfortunately, it turned out that the money had to be returned, but the process was difficult. The good news is that the questioner already has the awareness of protecting money in his heart: even if he argues about it, he is unwilling to pay more for it.

This shows that the questioner is still clear-headed, which is great! Family life requires planning the use of money, and besides, you already have a child. I really hope the questioner can persevere in this area!

I love you!

It's so important to remember that lying frequently is a serious matter, and character issues are the bottom line. In fact, all unmanageable situations are caused by character.

As you mentioned, he has quite a few bad habits and tends to argue with you. It seems like he's unable to make a simple promise, even if it's just to do something once.

I'm sure you've already guessed the answer, but I'll ask anyway: do you think he'll make life better and better?

You said something that really stood out to me: "He deliberately waited for his friend to pay the bill before pretending to pay." When I read this, I could feel your frustration. It seems like the questioner already has a negative opinion of his character.

I know it's tough, but should you continue communicating with him or just let him be?

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can imagine it's a really tough time for you. I'm not in a position to give you advice on whether or not you should get a divorce, as I don't know the full picture. But I can tell you that it's totally normal to feel the way you do. I've read your question and I can see that you're struggling with a lot of different issues. It's so hard when we're in the middle of a relationship and things just aren't working. I'm here for you if you want to chat. I've read a book that I think you'

I'm really sorry, but I just don't have enough information to give you advice about whether or not you should get a divorce. I hope you can weigh up the pros and cons for yourself.

I'd love to recommend a book to the questioner that I think might help you!

I'd highly recommend checking out "The Five Love Skills" ⭐️

"Maybe it's true that a person's destiny is shaped by their own focus. When I started focusing on myself and looking inward, my marriage changed in a really positive way. I also discovered a lifelong career that helped me find my true self."

"If she doesn't improve her ability to love, she will still encounter problems even if she changes her lover. It can be really tough to know how to solve these problems, which might make it difficult for her to be happy."

"Managing an intimate relationship is all about taking a good, honest look at things from your own perspective. If you find yourself facing a challenge, take a moment to reflect on how your own vulnerability might have been touched upon in the interaction between the two parties, or how your own patterns might have been reproduced in the relationship, or what you could have done better.

I really do hope your family is happy and harmonious! ??

Hello question asker!

I am Enoch. The questioner has met a husband who has let her down. He crosses the line and breaks promises, making her distrust him. He deceives her, and she doesn't want a divorce but doesn't know how to protect herself.

Let's look at the traits and conflicts of the questioner and her husband.

1. The husband's character traits

The husband is too calculating in his relationships. He is unwilling to take the initiative to buy things for the parents or to pay for dinner with friends. Such people are often greedy in their relationships. They are obsessed with mahjong and always think about getting something for nothing.

The husband has poor self-discipline and weak willpower. He gives up at the first sign of setbacks. It will be difficult for him to give up drinking beer and playing mahjong.

She's hypocritical. She dined with friends. The husband avoided responsibility by pretending to take it. This pattern of behavior is also applied to married life. When unable to hide it, he resorts to violence.

2. The questioner's traits

She trusts others too much and can't see her husband's true colors.

She still has hopes for her husband and wants to change him.

3. The couple don't trust each other and are afraid to give too much because the wife feels her husband is unreliable. He is unwilling to take responsibility and uses both hard and soft tactics to maintain the relationship. The wife still has expectations for her husband.

Suggestion:

1. Accepting the other person is better than trying to change them.

The questioner knows her husband is irresponsible and has no sense of duty. Asking him to be responsible won't work. It's better to accept his flaws, focus on improving yourself, and take responsibility for the family.

Give your husband room to grow.

The questioner should do what needs to be done without expecting too much from her husband. She should protect herself. When her husband feels worthy of her and learns from her, he will rely on her and hope she can help him grow.