My classmate broke up with his girlfriend and she deleted him from WeChat. Should I add him back?

Hello there!

It can be really tough when your ex-girlfriend deletes all her male friends from WeChat after you've broken up. It's natural to feel confused and helpless, and it's okay to feel a little aggrieved and angry.

Maybe this kind of struggle and pain is similar to what you felt in a previous relationship. It's like a glass of milk that's been spilled. You don't need to cry over it. For things that have already happened, let them go.

But remember, these feelings are totally normal. We don't erase the past to avoid its impact; we accept it.

You know, only by standing in the present can you better move past the past and face the future. So, think about what you need in the present.

I'd love to know what those classmates and friends who have been deleted mean to you at the moment.

In life, we will always lose something, no matter what the reason is. It's okay, though! Many times, we cannot retrieve what we have lost, but we must believe that on the way forward, we will also gain a lot again.

For example, many friends will drift apart as they go on, but who knows—maybe they'll have the chance to reunite in the future! What we are more certain of is that there will be new friends in the future.

Take a moment to think about these things. You'll soon understand whether you want to add them back or not, and what to say when asked why you deleted them. People who mean different things to you may have different ways of dealing with them. Not everyone is worth explaining to and getting back with, but those who are important and you think are worth it at the moment will definitely give you the courage to get them back.

You've truly let go of any negative feelings you had about the past relationship, or you've accepted everything it has brought you.

I really hope the pain and confusion within you can be resolved.

I really hope you can start again soon, and I wish you all the best!

I really hope Hongyu's reply helps you out! Thanks so much for asking!

Hello, my name is June.

When you had a disagreement with your girlfriend, she deleted all your friends of the opposite sex. How did you feel at the time?

Could you please clarify your reasons for wanting to get back together now?

When you had a disagreement, she removed all your friends of the opposite sex from your list. Could this have been because of an ambiguous relationship you had with someone of the opposite sex? And did you agree to her request at the time in order to maintain your relationship with your girlfriend?

I'm unsure of the best way to ask her to add her back, or what to say when someone asks why you deleted her. I'm also uncertain if she has a boyfriend now, and whether contacting her would be an inconvenience to her.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems like you're trying to woo this girl. I'm guessing that initially, this girl was the one sending you those ambiguous WeChat messages, is that right?

You decided to end things with your girlfriend at the time. Now that you've broken up with your girlfriend, you're considering getting back together.

Perhaps you could ask yourself: What is the position of this girl in your heart? What would you do if you were to get back together with your ex-girlfriend, or if a girl who you think is more suitable appeared?

Perhaps you are feeling a bit sad and torn up now, worried about her potential rejection? Or are you perhaps worried about her opinion of you?

Or perhaps you are concerned about how your classmates might view you?

I believe the questioner's mind may be somewhat confused at the moment. When the mind is in a state of confusion, it can often lead to unwise decisions being made.

If I might suggest, perhaps the first step would be to calm your mind, which may naturally lead you to know what to do.

I hope you find happiness in your endeavors.

Hello, question asker!

I can see you're hurting. I'm here for you.

I saw in your comment that you got back together a couple of months ago. Given that it's been six months since the breakup, you've been together for another couple of months. That means you've been ignoring each other for two months now. That's not a long time, but you seem pretty down. Especially now you say that you have discovered that you no longer have any other friends. That loneliness really hurts. I give you another hug!

I'm curious why you want to add your ex-girlfriend's former classmate. You also said in your feedback that you have no plans to start the next relationship. One is your mood, and the other is that your financial situation does not allow it. And you added this ex-girlfriend out, but I don't know what reason you can add her back, because after all, she was your girlfriend in your sophomore year, and you deleted them. This reason is not easy to say!

And you're not sure if your ex-girlfriend's classmate is in a relationship. Are you bothering him?

I can see you've thought this through. As a man, I think your emotions are also very delicate. In this case, I think you're particularly sentimental. You were still able to get back together after you repeatedly had conflicts, which shows this.

It's actually pretty common for relationships to end on bad terms. You really only understand each other when you're going through the ups and downs together. So I'm wondering if there's really no hope for you two.

I know relationships can be tough. I have a feeling that if you add your ex-girlfriend's former classmate to your circle of friends, you'll also want to get news about your ex-girlfriend from that person. Is it possible that subconsciously you want to somehow connect with your ex-girlfriend?

Or is it paving the way for the next relationship?

No matter what your reason is, I think it's okay to want to add your high school girlfriends. I'm not sure what kind of conflict you had with your girlfriend that made him so angry that he deleted all your former high school girlfriends. There are a lot of misunderstandings between couples. It's also said that love is deep, so is hatred! Anyway, it's hard to explain, but I think as a man, as long as you're doing the right thing in your heart, that's all that matters.

If you feel okay about it, I don't think it's a big deal to add your ex-girlfriend's classmate! There's no need to find any reason. As classmates for many years, now that you've graduated, it's natural to want to deepen your relationship. It's fine to add this female classmate, and you can also add a few other female classmates, all on an equal footing. This way, you won't have so many worries in your heart.

So, don't worry about it, don't think about it too much, just go ahead and add him if you want to. As for whether you think she has a boyfriend, I think you're overthinking it. Does she have a boyfriend?

If he's that influenced by you, or if you let him influence you that much, I think the road ahead will definitely be bumpy.

To make your life path more beautiful, enhance your own value and stick to your own values.

I wish you the best and I love you!

Dear Question Asker,

There are numerous justifications for reestablishing contact with high school classmates, including the loss or inadvertent deletion of contact information. Additionally, individuals may not inquire about the rationale behind such a decision. It has been four years since these interactions occurred, and the individuals involved have matured into adulthood. These past events are likely to be of minimal consequence in the present.

One must inquire as to the motivation behind the desire to reestablish connections with former high school classmates. Is it due to a lack of current social support networks and romantic partners? Is there an inclination to revert to a previous state of affairs?

After a period of four years, it is reasonable to inquire whether the individual in question has remained consistent in their identity and characteristics. It is less probable that their classmates would have remained static in their personal and professional lives over the same period of time.

It is therefore imperative not to hastily regress to the events of four years ago, but rather to consider the underlying causes of the dissolution of your social circle. Not only did you permit her to delete the WeChat accounts of your female classmates, but you also allowed her to isolate you from your classmates, resulting in the current situation of "having no friends." It is crucial to determine who is truly responsible for this outcome.

The manner in which others interact with you is a reflection of your own behavior and actions. Each individual unconsciously influences others' perceptions and interactions with them. Some individuals may teach others to engage in self-abuse, while others may encourage self-respect, self-forgetfulness, or self-remembering.

As Shakespeare observed, it is curious that mirrors exist in the world, yet people are unaware of their reflection.

If one feels inclined to rekindle a relationship with a former romantic interest from one's high school days, or if one is experiencing anxiety due to the perceived lack of companionship during the post-breakup period, it may be advisable to temporarily disengage from social media. Without a conscious effort to alter one's internal patterns, the likelihood of repeating the same pattern of relationships and emotional isolation persists.

The most urgent task is to first gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself and one's own internal emotional patterns. The specific experiences of one's childhood may vary from person to person, but it is widely accepted that emotional patterns are often shaped by childhood experiences. Given that this information was not provided, it is not possible to speculate further. It is recommended that you seek the guidance of a psychotherapist for a comprehensive exploration of these issues. As the adage goes, "A sharpened knife cuts wood better." It is believed that with a comprehensive and profound understanding of oneself, one can modify attachment patterns, establish new interpersonal relationships, and potentially even meet the true love of one's life.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. If you find it useful, I would appreciate your clicking the "Like" button and leaving a comment. I believe that offering praise to others is an effective way to bring good fortune into your life.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, your heart exploration coach.

I totally get where you're coming from. Your ex-girlfriend threw a bit of a tantrum and got jealous, deleting all your female friends from WeChat. It was a bit extreme, but it showed how much she cared about you at the time, and it also reflected your tolerance of her little personality.

I can see you're feeling a bit worried and guilty. It's totally understandable! You want to add them back as friends, but you find that they have also deleted you. It's a tough spot to be in. You're not sure if they're still willing to accept you as a friend and whether you'll be disturbing their lives. I'm here to help!

Let's take a look at the problem that bothers you and find a solution together!

?1. Go ahead and add back your old friends! It'll be great to see you all again.

We all crave being noticed, accepted, and affirmed. It's totally normal to feel "without friends" when your ex-girlfriend deletes all your female friends on WeChat, making you feel lonely.

It's totally normal to feel this way! When our needs aren't met, it's only natural for our emotions to run high. We all crave connection and a sense of belonging. It's so important to remember that there's nothing wrong with this.

?2. It's totally normal to feel guilty in this situation.

It's totally normal to feel unsure about whether the other person is still willing to accept you as a friend and whether your friendship would be a good fit for their life.

It's totally normal to feel this way! It's actually your inner disapproval and non-acceptance of yourself that's causing this worry.

First of all, deleting friends is something that an ex-girlfriend does, not something you would ever do intentionally! If the other person really asks, a polite response can also be appropriate, like saying you lost your SIM card before. Even if the other person finds out, they can realize that it was just a "white lie" and move on.

Secondly, if you have no negative thoughts about the other person, start by being good classmates and good friends. There is no guilt or intrusion. Unless you expect the other person to become your girlfriend (is this also the reason why your ex-girlfriend deleted you?).

? 3. Self-acceptance and self-affirmation

If you want to be recognized and accepted by others, you've got to start by affirming and accepting yourself.

With a sincere heart, it's time to re-establish those relationships and connections with your classmates and friends!

For example, you can start by saying hello over the phone. If you can say it face-to-face, don't do it over the phone so that the other person can feel your lovely facial expressions. If you can say it in words, don't use text so that the other person can feel your warm tone of voice and emotional expression.

If something similar happened to someone else, you would feel the same emotions. It's so important to stay aware, spend some time with your worries and concerns, and feel the important message that your emotions are trying to convey to you: the hope for understanding, acceptance, and connection with others.

Because seeing gives you more choices, my dear friend.

I really hope this helps you, and I love you and the world too! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

From the questioner's account, it appears that the current issue stems from an action by his ex-girlfriend, who deleted all the female friends from the questioner's WeChat.

The ex-girlfriend deleted this due to a conflict. The questioner did not specify the nature of the conflict, but it can be inferred that it caused the ex-girlfriend to feel insecure, leading her to attempt to exert control over the questioner at that time.

The question remains unanswered.

Upon deleting the question, the questioner did not reinstate these female friends for the benefit of his girlfriend and did not contact them again while he was with his girlfriend. Does this indicate that they are not of significant importance to the questioner?

The ex-girlfriend deleted the female friends, but what about the questioner's other friends? It would be beneficial to reflect on how you maintained friendships during the relationship, particularly in light of the fact that the ex-girlfriend deleted her female friends.

It is often the case that individuals who have experienced a romantic relationship ending will come to realise that they no longer have any close friendships.

When the former girlfriend attempted to exert control over every aspect of her life, she experienced a lack of security. This may have been a personal issue, or it could have been a result of certain behaviors on the part of the questioner that made her feel insecure in the relationship. The two of you were unable to resolve existing issues together, which has led to significant challenges in the relationship.

The objective is to determine the rationale behind the decision to reinstate these female friends.

After the dissolution of his romantic relationship, the questioner is seeking to reestablish contact with these female friends but is uncertain about the rationale for doing so. If they can maintain a certain degree of distance when the relationship is over, why would they need to communicate after the fact?

In examining the actions of your former romantic partner, it becomes evident that you have reservations regarding the potential impact of your actions on your current social circle. For instance, you may be concerned about the relationship status of these female friends and the potential for disruption to their personal lives. It is important to note that not all individuals in romantic relationships exercise control over their partners and sever all ties with friends of the opposite sex. As long as you maintain clear boundaries and communicate your intentions, it is reasonable to maintain contact with these individuals.

It is advisable to allow yourself sufficient time to reflect on your objective of rekindling the relationship and to ascertain your level of confidence in your ability to sustain these friendships.

Take the initiative.

In the current social landscape, there are numerous groups of classmates. The individual in question can initially contact a classmate within the group with whom they have a positive relationship and request that they extend invitations to the others. Through observation and regular engagement within the group, it is possible to ascertain the level of interest from other members and, subsequently, to determine whether to take the initiative to re-establish connections based on the interactions observed.

You may also choose to take the initiative to add them back, without undue concern. You can offer these friends the option of accepting the request. If they wish to maintain their friendship with the original poster, they will accept the request. If not, please respect their choice.

The ex-girlfriend's behavior at the time was to pressure the questioner to choose between her and his social circle. It may be that the questioner now realizes that he lacked the necessary calmness and wisdom to handle the situation at the time, which ultimately led to the loss of both his love and friendship.

The desire to reconnect with former friends may be a natural response to the realization that past actions may have resulted in regret. It is not uncommon to identify issues that arose from failed relationships and to take steps to address them. This process of reflection and action can facilitate personal growth.

Given your insights, I recommend taking the initiative and acting according to the situation. I hope my advice is helpful to the questioner and wish you well.