My family always compares me to others. Why am I worthless in their eyes?

Good morning, I'm Yan Shiqi, and I'm grateful for the chance to be of service.

After reading the original poster's story, I came to understand that my parents' approach to my emotions and mentality may have had an impact on me.

It's fair to say that most parents could benefit from some guidance on how to be the best parents they can be. While they undoubtedly want the best for their children, their approach could sometimes be misguided. Constantly comparing their child to others, whether directly or indirectly, can be hurtful and unhelpful.

On the day of the summer vacation, I picked up my child and met a neighbor in the elevator. She inquired about my child's academic performance. My eldest child has consistently demonstrated academic excellence. This time, he ranked first in English and was also among the top performers in Chinese and mathematics. However, to avoid any unintended display of arrogance in front of the neighbors, I chose my words carefully.

My initial reaction was to focus on my child's shortcomings and share them with the neighbors. I realized that I needed to find a way to take pride in my child's achievements and avoid excuses that might not be entirely accurate.

On that day, she didn't make a scene, but simply communicated with me normally, asking me, "Mom, could you please explain why parents sometimes belittle their children in front of others?"

I was taken aback by this turn of events.

When I was a child, I recall feeling a bit uncomfortable when my parents praised other people's children, whether for their sensible and good-natured qualities or their sweet and eloquent traits. It seemed as if my parents were able to find something positive in other children that they could use to compare me to, which made me feel a bit left out.

And now, in this situation, I find myself repeating the same pattern I observed in my own childhood.

Perhaps the key is that I'm not even aware of it.

I wonder if the parents of the original poster might also be thinking this way. Sometimes they say these things without thinking, partly because they are used to it, and partly because this was the environment they grew up in.

It's worth noting that the environment has changed significantly since our childhoods and those of today's children.

For instance, when we were younger, the economic situation was less favorable, and there was less emphasis on addressing educational challenges. During that period, efforts were primarily directed towards enhancing quality of life.

In today's world, living conditions have improved significantly, and parents' priorities have shifted. They are now more focused on guiding their children away from the mistakes they may have made in their own lives. This has led to a new focus on how to help their children grow and succeed.

It might be helpful to remember that every child is already good enough, and that they are all angels. When they are not hurt by their parents, they are all healthy and beautiful.

It's just that parents may not always know the best way to help their children grow and develop, which can sometimes result in hurtful words or actions.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try communicating with their parents in a calm manner with this mindset, as it could help to improve the situation gradually.

You might find it helpful to read more books, as they may provide some answers.

I think we can all agree that we need to try to communicate with our parents in a more constructive way.

I hope this is helpful.

Hello, I'm Dapeng.

I'd like to make a couple of points. First, fathers tend to think they're always right. This is because people are narcissistic and naturally think they're better and more right than others. This is called narcissism, and it's something we all do to a certain extent.

A mature person will be empathetic, consider other perspectives, and care about the emotions and needs of others. It's clear that your parents aren't doing a great job at this.

Second, parents always compare you with others, always saying that other people's children are very good. This may seem like they're thinking of you, setting a better goal for you, and pushing you to make greater progress. This may also be the education that parents once received. They don't know that at certain moments, especially at the moment of graduation in the third year of high school, especially when people are frustrated, what is needed more is hugs, encouragement, and comfort.

Okay, now we know that parents are also regular folks. They can be pretty self-absorbed, and they don't always know how to improve their emotional intelligence, empathize, or comfort you. So, you should be a little kinder to yourself.

First of all, parents should be respected, but what they say isn't always right. You'll learn to have your own ideas and make your own decisions. Second, since parents can't give you much comfort and encouragement here, you should communicate more with your classmates and teachers, make good friends, and learn and improve together.

The college entrance exam is a big deal, but life is a long journey, and mental strength is important too. You've already taken a great step by sharing your concerns here. I hope you'll keep getting stronger mentally and do well on the exam!

Hello there!

Oh, don't cry, my dear child.

If parents knew just how much their words and actions affect their children, they'd think twice before saying or doing anything that might hurt their feelings. After all, no one wants to be a disappointment to their loved ones, especially not to their kids.

Let's take a closer look at the problem.

Father: He's not the best at expressing love. He can come across as cold and rude, but he does approve of corporal punishment.

Mother: Forgets to give the child her attention, seems a little confused, and has some doubts about education.

I've never had anyone show me love, so I have low self-esteem and repressed emotions.

The family is like many others in that it lacks warmth and empathy. This makes it difficult for family members to communicate, understand each other, and support one another. When children grow up in this kind of environment, they may feel inferior. But this doesn't define their self-worth. It just shows that when children need their parents' support to overcome challenges they can't handle on their own, and their parents aren't there, the children may feel weak and defeated.

We all know that frustration is closely linked to disappointment, and it's so easy to lose confidence in life. A child who hasn't yet come to terms with perfection will doubt themselves, wondering if they're capable of dealing with the present and future. It can even affect their trust in their future partner and doubt their happiness.

How can we get out of this sad, low mood?

1. Be kind to yourself and recognize your emotions.

If your parents are people who lack self-reflection, it's really important not to get caught up in the current situation and let it influence you too much. As a child who hasn't reached adulthood yet, you're still learning and growing, and you're probably still finding your way in the world. It's totally normal if you don't feel confident or like you're not quite there yet. Just remember, it's okay to have negative emotions, but it's not okay to attack or criticize yourself for them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself more encouragement and care. You don't need to love yourself for a reason. Just trust yourself, and your life will be full of sunshine and positive energy.

2. It's okay to feel angry. Don't try to hide it or ignore it.

It's totally normal for kids to try to find the love that their parents ignore. So when she finds that the encouragement and support she has been striving to obtain are given to a friend she doesn't know, it's only natural that she'll feel angry and disappointed. This is a very normal emotion because the desire to be accepted makes her seek attention and understanding. When she is puzzled by the current situation, emotions such as anger are actually emotions that arise for self-protection, and they are a true expression of our own feelings. There is no need to reject them, but there is no need to extend them beyond that, thinking that parents just don't love themselves and so give others more love. Perhaps parents think that this is a better way to motivate their children to work hard, or maybe they are just being polite.

It's totally normal to have emotions about what others say or do. But it's not so easy to analyze their motives from an emotional perspective and jump to conclusions about what they're thinking. This is the same as controlling what others say or do, and it's only possible by imposing our own thoughts.

3. First, focus on your current studies and seek self-development. You've got this!

While parents can't suddenly change, the upcoming college entrance exam is a big deal in my life. It'll shape my future! As a kid, I need to focus on my studies and give myself a solid chance to grow. Solving the problems in my family of origin will take time, communication, and effort to make things better. As a kid, I can only do so much, and I need my parents to first realize what's going on.

So, don't blame yourself! It's okay to let yourself off the hook sometimes and try your best to do the right thing. It's a great way to bring happiness into your life. When you have enough self-confidence and your parents are aware of their own problems, it may be smoother and more effective to solve the family's core problems together.

Wishing you the very best of luck with the college entrance exam!

Wishing you the very best of luck!

A mother worries when her child travels thousands of miles away. This is the love of your parents. Maybe if you change your thinking, we can not only ease our emotions, but also actually promote our own progress. You have to understand your parents' point of view. It might feel like a bit of a kidnapping, but they are very anxious inside. Maybe their words hurt you a little, but this is to motivate you to move forward and encourage you to work hard.

It's possible that your parents don't have a high cultural background, and this way of expressing yourself is unacceptable to them. They really have raised you with great difficulty. We should not repay kindness with nastiness, but we should be grateful and understanding of our parents' love and their struggles.

If you don't like your parents, I hope you have better ones. I'd love parents who scold me every day, motivate me, and inspire me. If you don't like your home, you're welcome to come to the north with me.

Brother, you're now in your senior year of high school. It's time to make a change. Work hard to improve yourself, set a good example for others, set a goal for your life. You might not be able to surpass others, but at least you've tried your best. We're about to enter university. Don't waste time arguing with your parents. Change yourself. That's what you should be thinking about.

I think my younger brother will face some tough challenges along the way, but he hasn't yet pushed himself to his limits or tapped into his full potential.

When our parents say how good other people are, let's show them what we're capable of. Changing ourselves is the most important thing.

I know you've been wronged, sad, and upset, but you're a man who stands up for himself, takes responsibility for himself, challenges himself, is proud of himself, sets life goals, and strives to achieve them.

Just keep going, and we'll be there to support you. If you need anything, I'm here for you. We can't let temporary confusion get the better of us. Remember, we're men, men who can go to war and kill the enemy, serve our country, and achieve a happy life for ourselves in the future. We must learn to love unconditionally. Do you understand, brother?

We all want what others have, and we also want what others don't have. You must be praised and supported. Don't be discouraged. Your life is getting better and better. Pass on your life experience to your children. Reignite yourself. Light up your own heart lamp. You are the best. You've got strong willpower, enduring patience, and a courageous spirit of progress. You've got what it takes to change and promptly correct your own mistakes. Consciously reflect on yourself. Use your own sincere and bright heartlight "mirror" to reflect on yourself, and a happy smile will appear.

Brother, you've got to remember that the "mockery" you think you're turning into a driving force to move forward so that they respect you is the only reason you can do it. You've got to hang in there, you've got to stick to it, you've got to have courage!

And, little brother, if you ever feel like throwing in the towel, just clench your fist and say to yourself, "I'm awesome, I'm great, I'm the best, I'll do my best, everything will be fine!"

Let your inner strength fill you with vitality and vigor, which will have a positive effect on your heart and give you the strength to persevere. Your efforts should be worthy of your dreams. I believe that time does not owe anyone anything. As you learn to run, the world cheers for you, and you know that the world is proud of you.

My sweet and sensible younger brother, you've got to have confidence in yourself and not compare yourself to others. It's like spitting—it just disappears with the wind. If you have a strong sense of self, you'll never fall. Don't let this little thing get in the way of our dream.

If you really give up on your future and slack off, we can help you with everything while we're still alive. But ultimately, we can't accompany you for the rest of your life. So you have to work hard. That's the only way to achieve the happy life you want.

Be brave and create your own future!

I hope you'll gain a new perspective on yourself in the coming days and give your parents a big surprise!

No matter what challenges you face in the future, I'll always be here for you as a trusted advisor. I hope my words will inspire you to keep moving forward.

My child, let me give you a hug. From what you've told me, it sounds like you come from a traditional Chinese family.

Older generations of parents often think that it's better to praise other people's children and put down their own. They often forget that their own children also need to be affirmed and praised, which is often the result of how they were brought up.

From what you've said, it seems like you're looking for more love and affirmation from your parents. I think it's safe to say that every child wants more love and attention from their parents. However, not all parents are able to provide that.

They think that it is enough to feed and clothe their children. Of course, parents should appreciate their own hard work when it comes to their own kids.

Of course, there are also a few parents who are enlightened, loving, and have strong psychological energy. No matter how difficult life is, they can give their children enough love and a sense of security. Such parents are a minority and are hard to come by.

What can we do when our parents are so ordinary? What can we do when our parents are too busy making a living to care for our inner feelings?

I think the best approach is to focus on strengthening your inner self.

You're actually a very kind child. When you're upset, you just take it out on your own, without hurting anyone else. A kind child has a soft heart.

Senior year is a time of constant change and pressure to perform well in school. It's important to remember that pressure can either break you or motivate you.

You said you didn't want to be here anymore. So how can you get out of your current situation?

The fastest way to achieve this is to pass the college entrance exam, get into college, and become independent as soon as possible. When you're studying, you often can't experience the pressure of survival. However, if you leave all problems to time, when you experience pressure at work and your closest people are not developing in the direction you hope for, you may be able to understand your parents' feelings back then.

Nobody's perfect, including parents. Chances are, your parents were new parents too.

They also have no previous experience, so they think that the way they inherited from their parents is the best way, which is the inheritance of the original family. It is difficult for people to break this inheritance. Only when they have read enough and thought enough, and their psychological energy is strong enough, can they break free from the previous thinking constraints and review their lives from the perspective of a bystander.

My child, your future is still long, and you will experience many beautiful times. When you feel that others don't love you enough, you can love yourself well, work hard to achieve the life you want, and look back and see that the past is not worth mentioning.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to talk about your worries in order to get help. It can be challenging when family members compare us to others, and their words can sometimes have hidden meanings. It's natural to feel like you're not being seen or heard in their eyes.

It can be difficult to understand why this is happening, and it can be distressing. I'm here to support you and offer you a hug. Don't be sad. Your parents may not fully understand your situation, but we do, and we're here to provide you with support and strength.

If I may, I would like to offer my perspective on the situation.

1. Family

1. Parents

? Comparison

You say, "My family always compares me to others. My mother also talks behind my back. My father always thinks he is right about everything. My mother, on the other hand, never bothered to control me. When I talk to her, she just goes along with whatever I say. So, I have almost zero communication with my parents."

It might be helpful to consider how you are similar to and different from others.

It seems that family members enjoy comparing you to others and hearing about what others think. My mother tends to speak negatively about you in front of other people and positively about others.

It can feel as though others are saying that you are not as good as they are at school, when in fact they are just saying that you are not as good as they are.

It can be challenging when a mother is not fully present and attentive, especially when it feels like her attention is perfunctory.

It can often seem as though your mother doesn't pay much attention to you, especially when she compares you with others without regard for the facts or your psychological well-being. When you communicate with your mother, you may feel that she is perfunctory.

? The father tends to be quite dominant and often believes he is right.

Her father tends to be quite dominant and is inclined to believe that he is always right. If she chooses not to communicate with him, he may become frustrated and resort to expressing his anger through swearing.

Personality

Mothers with a Compliant + Calm personality

A pleasing personality is one that is inclined to please others without fully considering one's own feelings. The essence of pleasing is that others are of greater importance. I feel most secure and loved when I am able to make others feel comfortable.

It seems that your mother may be inclined to prioritize the opinions and actions of others over your own feelings.

A calm personality is likely to display the following characteristics:

Characteristics: slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle and stable, and seeking harmony.

On the positive side, they are easy to get along with, adaptable, thoughtful, and tolerant.

Some potential areas for improvement could be in the areas of speed and efficiency, willingness to admit mistakes, communication, and engagement with others.

You mentioned the word "indifference" when it comes to your mother. While your feelings may not be entirely accurate, they do seem to align with your mother's personality: she is indifferent to her family. I believe you have mentioned on numerous occasions how they ignore you after they have heard you out, which must be a difficult situation for you.

It seems that you feel a lack of warmth from those you love, rather than a sense of indifference.

It seems that your father may have a controlling and aggressive personality.

It might be helpful to consider that a dominant father who will not let you ignore him could be seen as a controlling and aggressive personality. It's possible that controlling people want others to respect them, listen to their opinions, and not have their own ideas, otherwise they become irritable.

A radical personality may be characterized by the following traits:

Characteristics: a strong will, an action-oriented approach, high energy, and a focus on achievement.

Strengths: displays courage and decisiveness, demonstrates resilience in the face of challenges, highly self-disciplined.

Some potential areas for improvement could be: - Being more patient - Showing more empathy - Being less stubborn - Being more open to other perspectives - Being more humble

It is worth noting that the father may place a particular emphasis on maintaining a positive public image. This could manifest as a tendency to prioritize achievements over personal relationships.

It's possible that he may not show you sympathy because he himself lacks compassion. He may come across as stubborn, and perhaps even tramples on your dignity. It's also possible that he's arrogant. In fact, he may be insecure and want to be recognized and feel secure with you.

2. You

Personality

People with a pleasing and melancholy personality may find themselves in a situation where they are dissatisfied with their parents, yet reluctant to engage in direct conflict with them. They may choose to tolerate their parents' actions, avoid confrontation, and seek a peaceful resolution.

The compliant type of you may find that it makes you feel bad, twists your mind, and causes you to doubt yourself, as you take care of your parents' emotions.

It would be beneficial to consider that people with a depressive personality may have:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

Your strengths include being delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, and talented and insightful.

Some potential challenges to consider include tendencies towards stubbornness, indecisiveness, self-centeredness, pessimism, and passivity.

It seems that you are sensitive to your parents' attitude towards you. You appear to be self-centered and your ingratiating personality is slightly higher than others'. It seems that you tolerate and avoid conflicts, especially with your father, who is irritable and angry. It seems that you cannot experience your parents' love, but you are anxious and angry inside.

You feel that you have been seriously hurt, both physically and mentally. Your pessimism and passivity, as well as your anxiety and restlessness, have led you to doubt yourself, experience feelings of sadness daily, and have trouble sleeping. Sometimes you cry in your dreams, but your parents don't think this is a big deal.

It seems that your personality is characterized by a certain degree of servility and melancholy. This may be a reflection of your longing for your parents' love, attention, and recognition, and a lack of satisfaction in your sense of security. These feelings could potentially lead to feelings of self-pity and a tendency to seek comfort through tears.

2. Causes

1. The influence of the original family

I believe that your mother may have grown up in a family where comparisons were the norm, and that she may have developed her self-confidence through comparison. It's possible that her way of coping with family life involved complimenting others.

I believe the reason why your parents behave in this way towards you is because of the way they were brought up in their own family. It seems possible that your mother grew up in a family where comparisons were a common occurrence, and that she may have developed her sense of self-confidence through comparison with her classmates, siblings, and friends.

It seems that her way of life has been passed on to you. Complimenting others might also be a way for her to cope with family life and gain the attention and peace of mind she seeks.

Father

It seems that his father lived in a family where there was a lot of shouting and arguing, and it was a very one-sided household. It's possible that he didn't know who was in charge in the family, and it seems that there was no room for different opinions, otherwise he would have been scolded and beaten. It's possible that he also inherited this lifestyle. In his communication with you, if things don't go his way, he may lash out and use shouting and scolding to solve problems.

2. Unfulfilled wishes

It's also worth noting that parents may compare you to others because they had some unfulfilled wishes in their childhood. They may hope that you will fulfill those unfulfilled wishes for them. This can lead to reminders in the form of comparisons that you have not yet achieved.

3. The cause of inferiority

From an objective standpoint, it could be perceived that pleasing others is a manifestation of low self-esteem. It may be the case that they don't believe they can live a better life on their own, and so they seek to please and appease others in order to feel at peace.

It may be the case that pleasing others is a sign of a lack of self-confidence and an inability to resolve conflicts. It is possible that they can only satisfy others by putting themselves in a difficult position, thus avoiding conflict.

It may also be the case that being dominant and controlling others is a sign of a lack of self-confidence and insecurity. They may not believe that you can accept his opinions with conviction using good communication skills. They may be afraid that you will get away from his control, so they may use high-handed tactics in the hope of intimidating you and making you submit to them.

3. How might one respond?

1. It would be beneficial to establish a sense of security.

A sense of security can be defined as a feeling of protection from potential physical or psychological harm, including a sense of empowerment or vulnerability when facing challenges, and a sense of assurance and control over one's surroundings.

If I might suggest, since your parents lack a sense of security, you could help them feel secure.

It would be beneficial to listen carefully.

It would be beneficial to listen carefully and try to understand the concerns behind your father's words. You might consider letting your father know that you respect him and understand how he feels, which could help him to let go of his uneasy feelings.

If they feel secure, it is likely that they will not lose their temper.

It would be beneficial to set clear boundaries.

Once you have communicated well with your father and expressed your understanding for him, you may wish to consider continuing to express your true thoughts, show that you have grown up, have your own thoughts, and hope that your father respects his own thoughts. You could also clarify boundaries and responsibilities with your father and hope for what situations you want his help.

It would be beneficial to show love and gratitude.

Love has the power to resolve any conflict, alleviate any worry, and ease any anxiety.

It is important to express your love and gratitude to your parents as often as possible. One reason parents may lack a sense of security is that they may have lacked feedback of love during their growth, such as thank yous, hugs, and other loving gestures.

This can make them feel insecure. However, when you show affection, they will immediately realize that you are not distracted from them and they will stop worrying. They will take you more seriously.

2. Consider ways to enhance your resilience.

It might be helpful to accept your own imperfections.

It is important to recognize that past behaviors may have been influenced by a lack of maturity. Accepting this and embracing your own imperfections is an essential step towards growth. Acknowledging that there are still areas where you can improve and committing to working hard and developing yourself is crucial. Seeking guidance and support from your parents can also be beneficial in this journey.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try not to be controlled by the past, and to break free from its shadow.

It would be beneficial to boost self-confidence.

It may be the case that being controlled by others and being unhappy after being compared stems from not being strong enough within oneself. It is therefore possible that one cannot escape from control, nor can one escape from comparison.

I believe that I will be able to say, "You say what you want, I'll do what I want," only when I am strong and know what kind of person I am. I hope that my thoughts will not be controlled or manipulated by you, and I hope that I will not be afraid of being compared.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to be brave and be yourself.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that when it comes to boundaries, the foundation of being yourself is having clear boundaries. It is important to recognize that your responsibilities are yours alone, and they do not necessarily extend to others.

I take responsibility for my actions and will not be unduly influenced by others, including those who may cross boundaries by comparing me to others or attempting to exert control. At the same time, I am willing to express my stance on those who cross boundaries. This is an expression of my true self.

3. Confidence in yourself

You are the best, believe that.

It is not helpful to engage in comparisons with others. Instead, focus on your own progress and believe that you are getting better with each day.

You have the potential to be the best.

It might be helpful to believe in your own abilities.

One might suggest that losing in a comparison is often the result of a lack of belief in one's abilities, which can extend to the belief that one's parents also lack confidence in those abilities. However, when one has the opportunity to improve their abilities through learning, summarizing, and practicing, confidence can be gained, and the knowledge that one is capable of achieving the required level with their abilities can be attained. This can lead to a shift in perspective, where comparisons with others become less significant.

4. Consider reassuring your parents.

Once you have developed sufficient confidence and abilities, you may wish to consider sharing your thoughts with your parents. This could help to reassure them and give them confidence in your abilities to achieve your goals.

Perhaps it would be helpful for them to stop worrying about themselves, comparing themselves to others, and hurting their self-esteem.

I would like to suggest that you consider being brave and being yourself as a way of moving forward on a path that suits you, without being disturbed by others. I also wish you courage in taking this step.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you well in your endeavours and hope that you will make progress.

The host is good! Be grateful.

You don't like your parents or yourself. How can you have self-confidence when your parents belittle themselves?

I want to hug you and tell you you're not bad. You're a shining star. Your parents' wrong way of education has clouded your light. You see they've educated you in a suppressive way, yet you've persisted. You have inner strength. It's ready to go. This strength will prove you're not bad!

It's wrong for parents to educate this way. They never learned to affirm themselves, and they were also taught this way by their parents. They can't give you what they don't have. They don't know it's wrong. Parents should learn about family education and psychology. If they can't, you have to change it.

Be positive, appreciate yourself, understand yourself, know who you are, don't let others influence you, have your own goals and plans, love yourself! Be your own best friend, and nourish yourself to grow.

Best of luck!

Hello, my name is Jianlin, and I'm a psychological counselor!

I've taken the time to really look into your heart and soul, and I can tell you're feeling pretty helpless right now.

And they really need your love and care. It's okay if you feel like you lack love inside.

You want to be recognized by others, and you also expect to be stronger inside.

But, you know, lots of different things going on around us make it really hard to do that. We can even start to feel like we're not good enough and get really emotional.

This vicious circle leads to the sad fact that our friends and teachers around us don't recognize us very much. So we feel particularly bad.

It's true that your parents could have done a better job of communicating with you about family education, especially your psychological development. It's only natural to feel defensive when someone outside the family points out your faults. Try to praise others a little more, and you'll be surprised at the positive effect it has!

This is just how people speak in society. It simply means being a little more humble.

But we must be careful, because we weren't always mentally sound as children. Even if we have to deal with such phenomena and guide our children, we must tell them that we are no worse than others. After all, children all want to prove that they are the best, and what they need is encouragement, not belittlement.

It's understandable that you've been feeling this way. It's not easy to keep on communicating with someone who has been constantly criticizing you.

So, in this vicious circle, the relationship with their parents gets worse and worse, and they bury everything inside, slowly building up, with a very serious rebellious mindset.

When this rebellious mentality shows up, there's one instinct that tries to fight against it.

There's another type of personality that's a little weaker, just like yours. It hides in their hearts, making them feel inferior and more emotional. In this constant cycle of emotionality,

This can make us feel less and less confident, and it can make us set lower and lower standards for ourselves.

It can also lead to the people around us having deeper and deeper misunderstandings. I know it can be tough, but we can get out of this vicious circle and start living our best lives.

I really think you're in the same state now, don't you?

You're so great! It's really rare and valuable that you were able to identify your problem in time and find the root of it.

So we're just one step away from solving the problem, right? We often say that it's not the problem itself that we're afraid of, but rather that we're unable to recognize our own problems. So, since you've now recognized your own problems, that means you're good enough!

And you are strong enough! It's totally normal to feel easily agitated during adolescence. The good news is that as long as we pay attention to and overcome such problems through life experience, they will be easily resolved.

We can try to find our own strengths and interests. It's so important to do what we like and what we are good at to the best of our abilities!

Let the people around you and your teachers see the great, good side of you! Try to spend less time alone.

I think you'd really benefit from taking part in more group activities and outdoor pursuits.

It's so important to mix more with friends and classmates. And remember, you can make your life more fulfilling!

Since you rarely communicate with your parents, you can talk to your friends. It's always good to talk, and it's a great way to relieve stress, just like today's situation.

I'd also love to hear from you more often! We can discover the best in ourselves from different perspectives. What do you think?

I'm so happy we were able to work through this together! I hope you found the suggestions and methods for improvement helpful.

I really hope this helps. Thank you so much!

Hello! My name is Zi Ding Ya Xiang, and I'm thrilled to be able to help you.

From the host's account, it's so interesting how parents always like to compare themselves to others!

I think this is a pretty common reaction among many parents, and it's totally normal!

I am also a parent, and I have also compared my child to others. When I read an article that said children are a mirror of their parents and that the height of the child also reflects the height of the parents, it really resonated with me!

From then on, I changed myself and reminded myself from time to time that my child is also the treasure of my heart. No one can compare!

I am also afraid that my child will gradually be looked down upon and belittled. But I know that he is the treasure of my heart, and I am so excited for him to show the world what he is made of! If his own parents belittle him, who else will look up to him?

Okay, let's dive right in and help the original poster sort out the current situation! It's an important period for the college entrance examination, and I'm excited to help the original poster adjust his emotions and face this important matter head-on.

First, during the stressful senior year, I hope the poster can adjust her emotions and break free from the negative words of her parents. Go for it! Live your best life, focus on getting those good grades, and then—go for it—leave this environment and cheer yourself on!

Next, if necessary, you can communicate with your parents in writing. This is a great opportunity to reason with them and appeal to their emotions. Take this chance to clearly explain your goals and what you want your parents to help you with!

Let go of the past and don't let it hold you back! Open up and have a heart-to-heart talk.

Say it out loud: no matter what, parents love their children! They just express their love in a different way.

Once you've done all of that, you can devote yourself fully to preparing for the college entrance exam. The only goal is to get good grades, and you're going to crush it!

And don't forget to combine work and rest! During the intense study period, exercise appropriately to relax and unwind.

In the future, you will be able to look back on the past and understand it better. Work hard to be the best you can be!

Best of luck on the college entrance exam!

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello!

It's natural to crave approval from our families when we're starting out in life. I feel sorry for you when I hear about the suffering your family has caused you.

I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't offer any practical advice. But I'll share an example from my life that might help you see things differently, understand your parents from a different angle, or help you see more aspects of your parents without being too harsh on yourself.

They're a young couple with a 5-year-old child who've taken on a lot of debt because of the older generation's business failure. The father works until 10 pm every night before he can go home.

The mother is working a few extra shifts to make some extra cash. The father, although born in the 1990s, is the eldest child in the family and grew up under the strict guidance of his father. He's not very good at getting along with his own kids.

The mother, who had been through a failed marriage, was focused on maintaining her marriage and husband-wife relationship after getting remarried, as well as running a business. She didn't have the patience to look after the child. This young couple only knew how to discipline their child when he misbehaved, and they were very stingy with hugs and praise in general.

As a result, the child still couldn't speak until he was four. The parents finally started to worry, looking for ways to help him, and they couldn't sleep at night.

Later on, I finally found a speech rehab workshop and took my child to attend classes. After more than two months, my child was finally able to say a few words, and I was really happy.

But if you visit their home, you'll see that they're still teaching their kids the same way. If a kid says a word wrong, they'll correct them really harshly, like they're being stingy with praise.

If the kid makes a little noise, the father's face immediately turns dark and threatening. The mother, on the other hand, just leaves everything to the teacher. She plays with the kid, but she subconsciously pushes the kid away whenever it clings to her and obviously wants a hug.

[

I don't think they're qualified parents, but they do love their kids. They just don't know how to show it. They have a lot on their plates and some personality flaws that make it hard for them to spend quality time with their kids. They only pay attention when there's a problem.

I'm not trying to excuse your parents. What I'm saying is that some parents, because of their own limitations, don't realize how bad they are as parents.

And even if they do, they're so busy and overwhelmed by life that they only focus on the problems that stand out. It's not that they don't love you; it's just that they don't know how to love and they don't have the energy to learn.

Good day. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner perceives their parents as consistently comparing them to others and dismissing their actions. In my view, these behaviors are likely influenced by the questioner's parents' original family education and personality.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the parents of the questioner have exhibited a tendency to suppress the questioner since childhood. It is important to note that there is no inherent virtue in achievements, and the questioner should not be unduly proud of them. It is possible that the questioner is unaware that these comparative methods of education are more prevalent in Chinese families. In fact, many families in China utilize these methods to educate their children.

It is my contention that the parents of the questioner will treat the questioner in this manner primarily as a result of the education they received from their own parents. As children mature, they are influenced by their own families and espouse the belief that parents should employ a suppressive educational approach to prevent their children from becoming conceited. Frequently, parents seek to exert influence in this manner and anticipate that their children will heed their guidance.

It is evident that there are various motives underlying parents' attempts to control their children's behavior. Some parents exhibit perfectionistic tendencies, while others are driven by a fear of their children repeating the mistakes they made during their own youth. These behaviors may be perceived as a conventional form of childrearing by parents, yet they frequently result in depression and adverse effects on children.

In this section, I will offer the original poster (OP) a supportive gesture, with the aim of providing them with a measure of strength, and enabling them to comprehend the motives of their parents.

It is not uncommon for parents to disapprove of their children's actions, yet their disapproval may not be entirely malicious. Rather, it may be a reflection of their hope that their children will exercise self-restraint. However, if a parent completely rejects their child's values, it is possible that they may exhibit a tendency towards controlling behavior. Nevertheless, it is important to note that parents are not controlling their children every moment of the day.

In light of the fact that the question was posed on this platform, I will also proffer some straightforward counsel to the questioner.

It is important to note that the aforementioned behaviors do not necessarily indicate a controlling parental figure. While some parents may exhibit strict disciplinary measures, this does not inherently signify a controlling personality or parenting style. A controlling parent may employ specific tactics to exert control over their children.

It is not uncommon for parents to adopt a strict approach with their children. However, this does not necessarily indicate that they are exhibiting controlling behavior. Furthermore, it does not imply that they possess a controlling personality or engage in negative parenting. A parent who is genuinely controlling will employ specific tactics to exert control over their children.

These methods may be overt or covert in nature. Controlling behavior can manifest in numerous ways, including constant criticism and veiled threats.

The following behaviors exhibited by parents may lead the questioner to conclude that they have a strong desire for control:

One is subject to criticism for a multitude of trivial matters, including one's appearance, attitude, and the choices one makes.

For example, the use of intimidation tactics such as threatening self-harm or harm to others, as evidenced by the statement, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

Guilt is often leveraged as a means of coercing individuals to engage in behaviors they may otherwise be reluctant to perform. To illustrate, a mother might assert, "I endured 18 hours of pain during your birth, and yet you are unwilling to stay with me for just a few hours?"

It is essential to comprehend the rationale behind the parents' actions and behaviors towards the questioner.

One might inquire as to why the parents of the questioner treat the questioner in this manner. It would be interesting to ascertain whether they were similarly treated when they were young. Similarly, it would be enlightening to determine whether the parents themselves were taught this way by the older generation in their family when they were young.

The model of how to communicate with children is instilled in mothers from their parents' original family. This model is deeply ingrained in their psyches, influencing their approach to parenting.

Such treatment is perceived as normal and appropriate by the parents in question.

It is beneficial to comprehend the rationale behind one's parents' actions. This can facilitate the release of emotional distress, encourage a more composed response, and foster a more tranquil relationship.

If the questioner can comprehend the parents' motivations, they may perceive their parents as perpetuating the familial patterns that dictate how children should be treated. This may result in a lack of self-perception. Is there anything about them that is worthy of sympathy? Frequently, it is not that parents are unwilling to express their love for their children; rather, it is that their elders also taught them this way. When their parents were growing up, they were more focused on survival and were unaware of how to express their love for their children in a constructive manner.

It is inadvisable to confront one's parents.

In the event of encountering inappropriate or controlling behavior, it is advisable to refrain from direct confrontation with one's parents. If such behavior causes discomfort, it is acceptable to express one's feelings to the parents, provided that this does not impede communication.

Such an action would only serve to exacerbate the situation and is therefore inadvisable.

It is inadvisable to engage in a verbal altercation with one's mother. When one becomes emotionally distressed and responds in a hurtful manner to both the mother and oneself, it is unwise to engage in further confrontation. Instead, it is preferable to disengage from the situation by leaving the premises. It is recommended to do so when the argument reaches a crescendo and seek the company of a friend or relative.

It is important to learn how to respond to your parents' behavior in a constructive manner.

The questioner's parents suppress some of the questioner's behaviors, yet the decision of how to respond is ultimately the questioner's own. Do you allow your parents to control your every word and action?

One might also choose to confront the situation with courage. It is important to note that in order to effectively address her mother's controlling behavior, it is essential to learn to regulate one's emotions and maintain a respectful demeanor at all times. This does not imply a lack of filial respect towards her mother, but rather, it equips one with the ability to respond to some of her controlling behaviors with greater composure.

It is advisable to practise speaking in front of a mirror, maintaining a respectful attitude and behaving in an appropriate manner in response to your parents' controlling behaviour. It would also be beneficial to practise responding to various scenarios based on the different responses your parents may make.

This approach will facilitate greater ease and control when the moment arises.

It is imperative to assume control of one's own affairs.

The questioner continues to reside with his parents and is unlikely to abruptly cease their control. To address their controlling behavior, the questioner must assume control of as many aspects as possible, which may include matters that are of no concern to his parents.

For example, one might consider regulating aspects such as mealtimes, return times, and study routines. As the questioner gains mastery over these and other tasks, one can gradually assume greater control over decision-making.

It is essential to acknowledge and accept the reality of the situation.

It is important to recognize that the questioner cannot alter the behavior and thoughts of their parents. This is a fundamental aspect of the dynamic that must be acknowledged. While neither the questioner nor their parents can control the feelings and thoughts of the other, they can modify their attitude towards each other. This, in turn, can influence the attitude of the other towards the questioner.

It is unreasonable to expect immediate and complete behavioral change from one's parents. The decision to alter one's conduct is ultimately theirs to make. Attempting to influence such a change is challenging, particularly when the parents are unaware of their own shortcomings and resistant to change.

It is imperative to fortify one's resolve.

The question arises as to why parents seek to control the behavior of the questioner. Is it because the questioner is not sufficiently strong?

The questioner must ascertain whether they are sufficiently autonomous to function without parental assistance. This will determine whether the mother's controlling behaviour towards the questioner's friend will diminish. Children often exhibit contradictory behaviours when it comes to their relationship with their parents. They may simultaneously resent and seek the support of their parents. When this dynamic extends to the child's relationship with their own parents, it can significantly impact the nature of that relationship.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner should be encouraged to seek assistance from friends or other family members when difficulties arise.

In the event of encountering controlling behavior from one's parents, it is recommended to reduce the amount of time spent in their presence, establish clear boundaries for oneself and for them, and, if necessary, seek assistance from trusted friends. In the case of a mother who employs verbal tactics to exert control, it is advised to calmly and assertively convey one's feelings at the time. An example of this would be stating, "I feel like I don't have any rights as an independent individual."

"Or, I feel as though I have not yet reached the level of maturity expected of an adult. I am not yet a fully autonomous individual, but rather a child. I do not possess the same rights as other adults."

It is essential to establish clear and unambiguous boundaries.

It is essential to establish clear and unambiguous boundaries with one's parents and to adhere strictly to them. This entails mutual respect for each other's boundaries. It is crucial to reach an understanding with one's parents regarding the extent of their personal space and to respect this understanding. If one's parents are unable or unwilling to respect this boundary, it will only serve to perpetuate their controlling behavior, rendering the setting meaningless.

In the event of a problematic relationship with one's parents, it may be beneficial to utilize verbal communication skills. The questioner's friend could attempt to say, "I respect your boundaries, but on occasion, my boundaries are not respected by you."

How might we ensure that both parties' needs are met?

It is important to accept oneself.

In the event that the questioner experiences a lack of positive response or care from their parents, there is an alternative source of affirmation and care available: the questioner themselves. When the questioner is feeling down and unappreciated, they may choose to engage in self-affirmation and self-care. This may entail self-hugging or self-affirmation, as well as the recognition and celebration of past achievements, regardless of their perceived magnitude.

It is recommended that individuals engage in activities that align with their interests and pursue goals that align with their values. Additionally, it is beneficial to accept one's current state and engage in self-care when experiencing low moods.

It is important to prioritize one's own happiness and well-being. This can be achieved through the consumption of sweet foods, which have been shown to have a positive effect on mood. However, it is essential to ensure that this does not result in causing harm or distress to others.

It is imperative not to allow negative emotions to take up residence in one's life.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the initial query.

I'm so happy you trust me! I really hope my answer is helpful!

After reading your description, I just want to give you a big hug! You've been carrying so much on your shoulders alone. Your only hope was that the people closest to you would listen to you, but the feeling of not getting any response must have made you feel even more powerless!

I'm so excited to tell you a story that made me feel like I could take on the world when I was at rock bottom. I really hope it gives you hope for life again!

Now, here's the story!

The protagonist is a man in his 20s who was abandoned by his family because he became disabled and had to fend for himself. After meeting the wrong people, he decided to jump into the river when he was at his lowest. As he was about to jump, he bumped into a girl swimming in the river. After the two of them managed to climb out of the river, he agreed to the girl's request to spend the day with her in order to make amends. The girl was young, cute, and lively. They first ate a bowl of steaming hot congee together. The man, who hadn't eaten well for many days, cried as he ate. Then they went shopping again. All kinds of things on the street seemed very new to the girl. They played until the evening. The girl hoped to marry the man and even told him that she had a way to help him die without pain. He compromised, but the girl told him to come here at the same time next year to find her, and she would give it to him then. As a result, he waited year after year, but she never showed up.

But because of this girl, he was filled with a newfound desire to live! What he didn't know was that the girl would never show up.

I was absolutely blown away by this story! I love how a girl's kindness saved a life and brought so much warmth to the story. I crave that warm feeling inside!

But the original meaning of this story should be to learn to cherish time and make the most of every day!

No matter what, you will accumulate so much disappointment in your heart, and you must have hope in your heart. What are these things? And what is the one you love the most?

We will always encounter things that make us feel that the world is dark and helpless, or so disheartened that we feel there is no point in living. Of course, there are also those who are extremely lucky, and their lives are enviable and smooth sailing. But what if I told you that life is happy and blissful even when it is smooth sailing without any waves?

But you can also choose to seek light from the darkness!

Finally, I'll share with you the name of this amazing story. It's a unit story in a comic called "Hundred Demons," called "Ephemeral." I was blown away. Maybe this story won't impress you? Then find one that will!

You are still in high school and are at a crossroads in life, which is an amazing time! It's normal to feel a little lost, but you're going to find your way. [No matter who you are, facing the unknown can be disorienting, but it's also an incredible adventure!

And you have to walk your own path, on your own. As for what your parents did to you, really, don't take it too seriously.

I really hope this helps! The world and I love you!

Affirm yourself!

You are an independent individual, living for yourself and responsible for your own life. Your own life will not bloom based on what others think of you!

You must devote yourself fully, have ideals and goals, live in the present, and make your life more valuable and meaningful. Find your life's calling. Your life's calling is not your occupation. It is a driving force and direction for your life.

When you have value and meaning in your life, you don't care what others think.

Parents are ignorant.

Let's be clear: "Comparison" is actually "disapproval," which lowers one's energy level. A person with low energy will show signs of incompetence, weakness, fear, pain, and anxiety. Disapproval from parents in particular is especially damaging. Parents are the first people in the world we completely trust, and when we are young, they are even the people we rely on the most. When parents' feedback is disapproval, the entire value system and beliefs will collapse.

We feel at a loss, helpless, and powerless.

[Parents' helplessness]

However, parents are unaware that their actions will harm their children. They genuinely want their children to succeed. Love drives the creation of expectations, which inevitably lead to comparisons and judgments.

Parents are also ignorant when it comes to educating their children. They have not received any formal training, so it is only natural that they do not understand. It is easy to imagine that they are also helpless in an unknown field – the education of their children.

[Believe in the power of believing]

Believe that your parents love you, and you will have a constant source of support. You are the descendant of the family and a member of the family. Do all good deeds to honor your parents and your family.

With this sense of belonging to the family and a sense of mission for the family, you will succeed in life, in your studies, and at work. Don't seek results; focus on the process!

Hello, I'm Cloud, and I'm here to listen.

I had a similar experience during my secondary school years, which prompted me to cultivate a helping mindset in high school.

At that time, I was unsure of how to proceed and lacked the necessary resources to address these challenges. However, I decided to maintain a positive outlook and hope that future relationships might offer new perspectives or emotional support when the opportunity arose.

Given their experience, they are in a unique position to understand these matters more fully.

I will then examine your situation from a variety of perspectives and suggest ways you can gradually adjust and transform it.

As you grow up, you are becoming more aware of yourself and your changing needs. Your parents are also adjusting to your changes, and as first-time parents, they may not yet have the experience to fully understand your psychological situation. It's natural to compare your parents' love to that of other children's parents, but it's important to recognize that every family is unique and that your parents love you unconditionally.

It's possible that you may have the impression that your parents' love is conditional, that they will only love you if you are good at something. This is not necessarily the case. Although they may have problems expressing their love, it's likely that they love you very much. Have you considered asking them to raise someone else's child instead?

It would be beneficial to trust your parents' love as much as you trust your own. It's possible that they don't know how to love you in the way you want, but it's important to remember that we are the continuation of our parents' lives, and at least 20-30% of our personality is inherited from them.

It is perfectly acceptable to communicate your needs for love and affection in an indirect way. It is also important to remember to relax and not to confront your parents about your feelings in an aggressive manner.

If you truly desire to be treated with gentleness by your parents, it may be helpful to learn to restrain your resistance and treat your parents in a manner that aligns with your wishes.

For instance, if your parents compare you to other children, you could say: "Mum and Dad, I know you love me very much and have high expectations of me. I love you too, and I'm happy to learn from a certain classmate.

However, if I am unable to meet your expectations at this time, I would be grateful for your encouragement and recognition, which are important for me to achieve my goals. This kind of dialogue could potentially lead to a virtuous communication model.

Some parents may believe that the high-quality qualities in others may not necessarily be recognized by you. In such cases, you could gently suggest that every child is a unique individual and that you may not be particularly interested in this particular trait. Instead, you could express your genuine interest in their own strengths or hobbies, which could bring you immense joy and motivate you to achieve it.

If parents are set on having their way, you could ask them, "Is it really what you want if I become very good at this?"

Could it perhaps be a projection of the social environment or something you really want to accomplish? If I really achieve the height of your expectations, what will you get?

I may also lose control over my life and the motivation to live joyfully. Is that really worth it? Is the temporary pleasure of showing off in front of your friends really worth trading for your child's happiness and health?

Dear student, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm here to support you, even from a distance. It's clear from your words that you're feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Third year of high school is a challenging time, and having the love and understanding of your family and friends can make a big difference. It's also normal to have some emotional ups and downs. When you feel the emotions coming up, don't try to suppress them. If you need to cry, let it out. If you want to be quiet, find a place to be alone and just let your emotions flow, like a slow, steady stream.

I've found a few tips that have helped me:

1. Grab three colored pens and some paper. Draw whatever you want on the paper, without worrying about a specific pattern. Just let your mood dictate what you draw. If you don't feel like drawing, switch colors. It's the same as before. When you're done, just switch colors again. Try it. Does it feel better?

2. Keep a diary. Every night, write down the good things that happened that day, your achievements, or things that made you unhappy. Writing things down can really help. I used this method in my senior year of high school, and it really worked for me.

I'd like to ask you one more question: What does parental comparison mean to you? Have you ever compared your parents to other people's parents?

Does it make you feel like you're not good enough when they praise other people's children? How do you feel about yourself?

We can all be good people, and we can all do good things. There's more to the world than just "good" and "not good."

Think about the things your parents have done to make you feel loved.

We'd love to hear from you. We're all here for you and ready to support you in any way we can. ?

It must be acknowledged that not all parents are fully equipped to fulfill the role of a parent. This is often the result of their upbringing in the past and the social norms that were prevalent at that time.

I also had a tendency to treat others better than myself during my formative years. My mother once advised me that it's better to accept mistreatment from others than to mistreat them in return. This belief, however, led me to lead a rather challenging life. I often questioned why I was always suffering, but at the time, I was unaware that this belief was misguided.

In your case, it's possible that your parents may not have loved you in the way you would have liked. If you would like them to understand, it might be challenging unless they are willing to learn and grow.

It might be helpful to imagine that in a few years, you will have a family of your own and your own children. You may be able to prevent this kind of bad parenting from being passed down to your generation.

It could be said that parents act as a mirror, reflecting both the good and the bad, and that these can be passed on to their children.

It is likely that most parents' love for their children is good, and that the less positive aspects of their parenting reflect their own experiences of not having been loved or treated well. You may choose to reject this, but it may be more beneficial to try to understand it.

In any case, you are the master of your own life. If you dwell on your complaints, it may be difficult to see how things could change. If you want the future to be different from the present, it might be helpful to look ahead, take responsibility for yourself, and see what you can do to make a difference.

I would like to extend a warm greeting to the original poster. I am Yang Lin'er, the responder, and I am here to provide psychological warmth and support.

I believe the original poster is currently in their senior year of high school. It's possible that you are in the late stages of puberty, which can be a challenging time for self-identification.

It is natural for adolescents to seek their parents' approval, yet not all parents are adept at communicating with their children. Sometimes, even the most well-intentioned words from parents can inadvertently hurt their children's feelings.

However, the issue is that you are nearly 20 years old, a young adult, and it's important to recognize that your parents' educational level and abilities may not align with your expectations. In this situation, it's essential to learn to be your own advocate and give yourself positive feedback.

How might one go about doing so?

It can be challenging! Some people spend their whole lives longing for even the slightest bit of affirmation from their parents, but it may not always be possible to receive it.

It's important to remember that parents are not something that can be changed, but rather, it is up to us to change ourselves. How can we do this?

You might find it helpful to read more books and make friends with books, and to get in touch with the outside world more often. You could do this with classmates, relatives, friends, or even online friends who are a good outlet for your anger. Over time, you may find that your emotions calm down, and you feel more confident in yourself.

I would gently suggest that many people in their 30s still have unresolved issues with their parents. It is perfectly normal to have these feelings and there is no need to be concerned.

While our parents played an important role in our lives, we ultimately have to navigate this journey on our own. It's crucial to rely on ourselves and our own resources.

As a child, I learned about psychological counseling. These are biased and should only be used as a reference.

Some parents treat their children like extensions of themselves, rather than independent individuals. This can lead to them passing on their own insecurities and self-doubt to their kids.

Some parents treat their children the way they treat themselves. This can make children feel inferior and blame themselves. Some parents blame and pick on people outside of their family, especially their children. What's more, some parents think that this is good for their children. But it can make children feel inferior and less sure of who they are.

Some parents grew up needing to please their caregivers to get food, treatment, care, and affirmation. They learned to please others to feel secure.

If you look at it this way, your child is your own, so you can blame them. Outsiders are outsiders, so the only way to avoid being attacked is to please them.

We learn how to get along with ourselves and the world from an early age. This "mental map" is not always appropriate for dealing with people and the world after adulthood. There will be problems, but there is a big difference between observing, reflecting, and changing in the midst of these problems and complaining and expecting others to change.

It's hard to face the pressure of college, the pandemic, and your parents during your senior year of high school.

This is hard. I don't know if I can let go of the pressure and distress in my relationship with my parents and focus on my studies.

I could be wrong. Think about it and find your own way to feel better. Good luck!

Everyone has the amazing ability to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can illuminate the hearts of more people, and this is a power that belongs to us all!

Hello, dear child! I am a heart coach, and I can feel your inner distress. You don't get understanding, affirmation, or recognition from your parents, but I can help! You are constantly criticized and belittled, which makes you feel "unworthy," unable to find self-confidence, and lose your inner motivation. But I can help you!

You are a good child, and you want to study hard and repay your parents with good grades! You even want to prove yourself to your parents with good grades, so you can show them how much you've grown and how much you appreciate all their love and support.

Everyone longs for a warm hug, for affirmation, praise, and recognition, to be seen, understood, and accepted. And you can have all of that!

?1. Heal your wounded heart!

You are a good child. You have silently tolerated this parenting and education model, and have not rebelled or opposed it, because deep down you have respect and filial piety for your parents.

You have suffered a lot over the years, my dear child. But you've survived! And you're still here, and you're still strong!

Your parents are new to parenting, and they're learning as they go! They're doing their best with the parenting model they have for you, and they're both eager to learn more about love and how to best care for you.

As you said, Dad gets angry and only scolds you, and Mom is also unreasonable. But here's the good news! If you look at their interactions and relationships with other people, you will find that this is actually the "pattern" of your parents, not just with you, but also with others (especially those closest to them, such as their parents, siblings, etc.).

If this is really the case, you don't have to take it to heart! Everyone has a pattern, and they'll bring it into their various relationships. They just don't know how to control their emotions or get along with other people better, so they take out their bad mood on others and use them as a "punishment bag" for their bad mood.

Second, you get to decide your own value! Your self-worth is your own opinion of yourself. Even parents can't control your life or judge your future with "old eyes."

A truly confident person is confident in themselves as a person, and doesn't need support from external, material, or other people's evaluations. They are convinced of their own value, so they will not easily disparage themselves. "Just go your own way and let others talk."

They understand you very well, after all, they spend every waking moment with you. When parents constantly criticize, deny, and blame their children, it can easily lead to a decrease in their sense of worth, making them sensitive and suspicious, and causing them to develop an inferiority complex and self-doubt + self-negation. But here's the good news! You can take control of this situation and turn it around!

Guess what? You can start healing your sense of value with the simplest thing: constantly giving yourself positive feedback! For example, you could say, "I'm like a seed, with complete vitality. The more my parents suppress me, the more resilient I will become." Or, you could say, "A momentary loss of will means nothing, and one exam cannot determine my entire life."

Embrace your introverted nature! Many people love making friends with introverts because they're down-to-earth and can be trusted to tell you their innermost thoughts. In the morning or evening, shout loudly outside, "I am a life form, I deserve to be loved, I need love," "face the sun, be confident and happy, I want to live my own life," and "have firm beliefs, meet challenges, and believe in yourself."

2. It's time to achieve an objective separation from your parents and communicate effectively!

Parents are parents, but they're also people just like us! They need to respect and trust their children, especially adolescents, who have a greater need to explore their identity and also need more respect and recognition.

Parents have their own paths in life, and so do you! They gave us our original family, but we get to choose which parts we keep and which we leave behind. We can't take on everything they say, even if it's about parenting or how we interact with others. We get to decide what's right for us!

When you are criticized by your parents again, remember that this is just what your parents can think of and do with their limited knowledge. It's not directed at you!

At the same time, you can give your parents feedback on your true feelings. You can tell them that you want their affirmation, and that you are also sad and upset because you failed the exam. You can tell them that what you want most at this time is their hugs, encouragement, and comfort.

If your parents have been using this kind of education method on you for a long time, it is because there must have been something you did or didn't do that helped them. And you can change all that!

The author of "Fly to Your Mountain Like a Bird" is a young girl who has been "harmed" by her parents' ignorance. But she has achieved incredible things! She has grown and learned and found her way back to a place of self-love and redemption. And she wants to help you do the same! Transcend the original family and regain the right to choose in life.

I really hope the above has provided you with a new perspective, with more choices, and that the world and I love you!

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep chatting with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!