My first child is just three weeks old, and the second one is four months. When they get angry, they hit. What should I do?

Hello, girl. I can see you're feeling confused right now, and I'm here to give you a big, warm hug!

I'm so sorry you're going through some marital problems. I'm here for you with another warm hug.

Oh, sweetheart, why is your eldest daughter acting like a baby?

It's possible that the second child has arrived, and you and your husband are focusing all your attention on her, which might be why the eldest child is acting out.

She senses it, so she uses some behavior to get your and your husband's attention, like crying.

So, girl, what are you going to do now? I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen.

It would also be a great idea to set aside some time every day, either before bedtime or after dinner, to spend some quality time with your eldest child.

It's so important to make sure that during that time, you are devoting all your energy and attention to your child.

And don't forget to have fun together at the weekends too! You could arrange some activities that the whole family can enjoy.

For example, you could go on a lovely picnic in the great outdoors!

It's so important to let your eldest daughter feel that, even though she has a younger sister, you still love her very much as her mother.

When your eldest daughter feels the love and care you and your husband show her, she'll be happy and content.

I really hope you find a great solution to this problem soon!

I'm so sorry, but I can only think of the above now.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here for you, and I'm studying hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and so does the whole world! Wishing you all the best!

Dear, I hope this message finds you well! I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say that I've been thinking about your question and I really hope that my answer can help and comfort you somehow.

As a mom of two, I totally get it. I'm sure you're feeling anxious and worried about your older child after the birth of your younger one. It's a very common situation, and you're not alone. After the birth of the younger child, the older child's living environment is still greatly affected, especially since your older child is still a baby.

I can see that your eldest child is going through a bit of a rough patch. It seems like he's regressing a little bit and starting to act like a little baby. He's crying easily, feeling aggrieved, and feeling insecure.

It's also important for you, as a mother, to take care of your own emotions. When you're feeling stable and supported, you can create a more nurturing environment for your eldest and second eldest children. They'll feel safe and loved!

If it's okay with you, we can try the following:

It's so important to spend some time alone with your little one every day. In this special space, without the presence of the second child and with the full attention of the mother, your child can feel the love and care you give him or her is unconditional. This alone time can bring your child so many happy moments and experiences, and it will also gradually calm your child's heart. As your child's heart calms down, some of his regressive behaviors, such as also asking to start breastfeeding, will slowly improve and return to his own growth track.

It's so important to ask for help from other family members. As a mother, you also need a space to relax. Perhaps there is a time each week when you can relax and heal yourself. When you're comfortable inside, you can feel your child's inner needs when you're with them and be fully present and energetic with your child.

Do you remember when Dabao first started to feel emotionally unstable? Was there something in particular that upset him? If you can think back to that special moment, you can actually start communicating with Dabao again.

I think Da Bao is crying so much and feeling so emotionally unstable because he's constantly calling out to his mother, hoping she can understand him and see his inner wounds and needs.

As a mother, I know it can be really tough to face these challenges. I'm here to offer any support I can so you can get back to a happy, healthy place and enjoy your kids as they grow up.

Hello! I'm thrilled I could be of help! You'll find answers to all kinds of questions in the examples of previous generations.

The problem with the eldest child corresponds to the Chinese proverb "unequal treatment is more harmful than poverty." In our traditional way of thinking, the elder child should be considerate and protect the younger child. In daily life, this is especially the case, and we naturally pay more attention and love to the younger child. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to teach our eldest child about the importance of fairness and equality. We can guide them to understand that while it's natural to want to protect and care for the younger child, it's also important to treat them with the same consideration and love.

So, when we come across these situations, the older child may feel a bit unfair and unbalanced, and experience a little anxiety based on the feeling that someone is taking away their spoiling. Let's dive into this issue a bit more!

First, since the birth of the second child, the eldest child's personality has changed a lot, and most of these changes are negative. So why does the second child exhibit these kinds of changes?

On the one hand, the birth of the second child means that some of the "love" that would have been given to the first child is now divided. This is an exciting time for the first child to learn how to share their love and attention with a new sibling! If the parents do not show concern and love for the first child during this period, the first child will become anxious and may resort to inappropriate ways to demand the parents' attention and maintain their "status." This is a great opportunity for parents to show their love and attention to the first child in new ways. On the other hand, a three-year-old child is at a critical stage of developing an independent personality. In layman's terms, this means that they have their own ideas and know what methods to use to achieve their goals. This is an amazing time for parents to encourage their child's creativity and independence!

For example, there are so many ways to show your love for your child, like playing, cuddling, and even having a good old fashioned tantrum!

So, how can we help the eldest child overcome their challenges?

First, we get to treat them equally! We get to treat the two children the same way we treat ourselves, and we can try to understand their moods and feelings.

So, when buying toys, clothes, etc., it's a great idea to buy for both kids! And at the stage of the eldest child and the second child, the mother is a very important role model for them.

That's why it's so important to make sure both children feel loved and warmly cared for by their mother.

Second, it is important to be "reasonable and well-founded." When the second child is breastfeeding, the eldest child also wants to breastfeed.

This is an amazing time! We get to guide our little ones in the right direction. Three-year-olds are already starting to understand right and wrong, and they're also starting to become aware of their sexuality. We had a bit of a tiff with Big Treasure because we couldn't stand the mess he made.

At this time, we must look beyond the surface to the essence. First, we feel "guilty" inside and tolerate the eldest child challenging our bottom line.

On the other hand, if we "can't stand it anymore" and fight, it will naturally cause a more serious blow to the eldest child's psychology. So what is the right way to do it?

First, nip things in the bud, and at the same time, pay attention to the way. If you use force, you get to explain the reason and pay attention to the strength!

And finally, our children are our first children, and we are also their first parents! This means that there will be all kinds of wonderful, unexpected problems along the way. But remember, problems are not scary. They are just opportunities for our children to develop and grow freely!

That's why it's so important to keep an eye on things and give your kids lots of encouragement and praise!

I really hope these answers are helpful to you!

Dear question asker,

From your statements, it is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of exhaustion, powerlessness, resentment, and dissatisfaction. It appears that you are the sole individual grappling with these challenges.

I believe we can address the issues you have raised and offer some alternative perspectives.

It is evident that the aforementioned experiences have occurred subsequent to the birth of the second child. Consequently, it can be surmised that a series of changes in the eldest child are inextricably linked to the arrival of the second child.

Consequently, the crux of the matter lies in the relationship between the eldest child and the second child. It is plausible that this problem has been brewing for some time, perhaps even before the birth of the second child four months ago.

What has the elder child experienced?

The older child's resistance to the younger child is often the result of experiencing two distinct emotions simultaneously. On the one hand, the older child is filled with curiosity about their future life, yet they are also overwhelmed with anxiety and apprehension due to the inherent uncertainty of the future. On the other hand, the older child is uncertain about the extent to which the younger child will alter their life, and they are also concerned about their ability to fulfill the role of a sister.

The deeper concern is that the elder child's perception is that their parents' love will be redirected towards the younger sibling. In light of this, it would be beneficial to consider the following questions.

It is pertinent to inquire whether the elder child had the right to be informed during the decision-making process regarding the addition of a second child to the family. Furthermore, it is essential to ascertain whether the elder child was informed of the prospective developments that would ensue as a consequence of this decision.

It is important to allow your child to express negative emotions and to facilitate their release. Have you helped your older child to process and release any negative emotions they may have experienced?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether an effort has been made to comprehend the expectations of the eldest child. Similarly, it would be advantageous to determine whether the objections raised by the eldest child have been perceived as hostility.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the older child was isolated before or after the birth of the younger child. For example, was the older child sent to live with elderly relatives?

It is possible that this phase has already elapsed, rendering it impossible to provide assistance. Nevertheless, this phase serves to identify the point of origin for the subsequent developments.

In the event of the elder child exhibiting regression, what course of action should be taken?

In general, the changes observed in the eldest child following the birth of a second child can be classified into two main categories: emotional changes and regressive behaviors. The former encompasses a range of manifestations, including increased grumpiness, introversion, reduced verbal communication, and unstable emotional states.

Regressive behaviors include bedwetting, a desire for breastfeeding, and an unwillingness to sleep in a separate bed. They also include older children displaying foul language, declining grades, and aggressive behavior. The following section will examine these behaviors in greater detail.

The initial question to be addressed is that of why children regress.

Let us first examine the emotional changes that occur in the eldest child. The birth of a second child results in a sudden disruption of their lives, and as parents, they are likely to experience a high level of stress and exhaustion.

Therefore, parents will unconsciously hope that the eldest child will behave better, become more sensible, take care of herself, and not cause any more trouble. Additionally, they may even hope that she will be able to lend a hand. The eldest child will pick up on these expectations and demands immediately. She will sense that her parents want something from her, but at this time she will not feel loved.

A common characteristic of children who lack love is emotional instability, which manifests as a tendency to seek love through destructive behavior. The eldest child, in particular, may resort to such behavior as a means of gaining attention, perceiving even criticism as a form of parental attention.

This is why she displays a proclivity for anger, a tendency to find fault with circumstances, and a proclivity for emotional distress over matters that are relatively inconsequential.

Additionally, the eldest child may engage in regressive behaviors such as breastfeeding. For younger children, particularly those who have recently turned three, they may not yet possess the cognitive capacity to contemplate the changes in their lives.

It is evident that the older child is aware of the implications of a younger sibling's arrival. Therefore, the desire to resume breastfeeding is not a mere imitation or competition for attention.

In contrast, they may experience envy regarding the close bond that breastfeeding provides between the infant and mother. For the eldest child, breastfeeding represents a potential avenue for reestablishing an intimate relationship with their mother.

Such behaviors may also manifest in a regressive manner, as evidenced by bedwetting and reluctance to sleep in a separate bed.

From the perspective of human evolution, Taobao's behavior can be explained by the psychological mechanisms of "fight" and "flight," which are survival advantages. Consequently, when Taobao encounters a significant change or threat, such as the arrival of Erbao, he is compelled to consider these survival options.

For some older children with a considerable amount of energy, responding in an aggressive manner is a natural instinct. This can manifest as tantrums directed at their parents, the release of pent-up anger, or even physical aggression towards other children or the use of profanity.

Another part of the eldest child will respond by engaging in self-directed conflict. This manifests as heightened levels of distress, sensitivity, and a sense of inadequacy, accompanied by a diminished sense of competence in various domains.

It is also the case that some older siblings may choose to disengage from the situation, foregoing competition with their younger siblings for the attention of their parents. In such instances, they may instead seek attachment to other figures, such as grandparents, who are responsible for their care.

It is similarly conceivable, however, that he will become emotionally isolated and cease to engage with the external world.

Secondly, it is crucial for parents to be mindful of and dedicate time to their children when they exhibit regression.

In the event of regressive behavior exhibited by one's eldest child, it is of paramount importance for parents to identify the underlying cause, assist the child in releasing internal pressure, and provide them with ample attention and companionship. The following recommendations may prove beneficial:

It is important to accept and allow for regressive behaviors in children. When an older child engages in behaviors such as wetting the bed, expressing a desire to breastfeed, sleeping in close proximity, seeking physical affection, or requesting to be fed, it is crucial to respond with acceptance and a positive demeanor.

In the event of bedwetting, it is recommended to change the sheets and inform the child that this was a common occurrence during the mother's own childhood. If the child expresses a desire to breastfeed, it is advised to allow him to do so briefly, as this may help to soothe him.

In conclusion, it is important to relax and allow the child to return to his previous state of mind. Additionally, it may be beneficial to reassure the child that the mother's affection is not in any way diminished, and that he is still a priority in her life.

It is important to note that despite the presence of a younger child, the older child will always be loved by their mother. The older child is the first child that the mother fell in love with in this world.

It is important to take your older child back to their babyhood. If your younger child is the primary focus of your attention throughout the day, and if your older child is frequently taken from you to be fed or comforted when they cry, your older child may develop the perception that your mother's love is directed primarily towards your younger child.

It is therefore recommended that mothers facilitate their children's recall of their own childhood, thereby enabling them to appreciate that, at the time of their birth, their mothers also provided them with care and attention. This may be achieved through the presentation of photographic and video material documenting the birth process, the display of personal items such as a hairbrush used during labour and a 100-day photograph, and the recounting of amusing anecdotes from the child's early years.

It is important to allocate time for the eldest child to spend with you, regardless of how occupied you may be with the second child.

One may engage in a brief excursion downstairs, visit the supermarket, play ball, or even engage in games that are frivolous and appealing to the child. These activities do not require significant time, approximately 10 to 20 minutes per day, and will effectively replenish the child's energy.

It is important to note that the time spent alone with your child should be dedicated to engaging in activities with your older child. Activities such as watching television or playing video games are not conducive to the desired outcome and should be avoided.

In conclusion, a few recommended mini-games are presented.

The age difference between the two infants is not significant. If the immediate issue is resolved, it may also provide parents with more time and resources to devote to their child as they grow older. It is recommended that two double games, suitable for infants, be played.

Towel Toss: Each child is provided with one end of a rectangular towel, on which a small ball is placed. The children engage in a collaborative effort to roll the ball back and forth on the towel without allowing it to fall. Additionally, they may utilize the towel to transport the ball from the initial position to the final destination within a bucket.

This activity requires the infant to demonstrate proficiency in upper body control and to learn to cooperate with others. The use of a towel to transport the small balls from the starting point to the bucket at the end is also an option.

The objective of the game, entitled "Who Can Stick the Most," is to determine which child can adhere the greatest number of post-it notes to their body within a one-minute time frame. The game requires only a modest investment in props, as each child is provided with a book of post-it notes. The instructions are as follows: "Let's race to see who can stick the most post-it notes on their body in one minute."

Once the post-it notes have been affixed to the body, the following game can be initiated: toss and fly. The objective is to have the greatest number of post-it notes in the air simultaneously for one minute. The child who achieves this will be the winner. It is evident that observing the two babies moving in unison will be a highly enjoyable experience for the child.

Following this series of explorations, you may have formed a hypothesis.

These are some of my insights. I have provided an extensive account of my thoughts and observations, and it is my hope that I can be of assistance to you during this challenging period.

It is my sincere hope that all will proceed well, that the two children will flourish, and that you will continue to improve.

The world and I extend our affectionate regard to you.

Hello question asker

I see your anxiety and helplessness. You get angry sometimes, and I see how guilty you feel.

I don't see Dad in the text. Where is he?

If you can't handle it, you can ask your husband for help.

If your husband takes the eldest child and you take the youngest, it might work. Daughters like playing with their fathers. Some people say that fathers taking care of their children is bad, but I think a relaxed approach is better.

Fathers who take care of their children give their daughters courage to explore. This distracts them from competing for your affection.

You don't have much time with your eldest daughter.

If Dad doesn't have time, your three-year-old daughter can go to kindergarten.

We can spend half an hour every day role-playing going to kindergarten with your daughter. This will show her that she is your favorite.

Spend time with your eldest child and build a relationship with your daughter. Show her you love her, that you will always be there for her, and that you want to help her take care of the baby. We are a family that loves each other.