My girlfriend went to a hotel with her ex-boyfriend once. How can I get over this?

Dear question asker,

In light of the aforementioned description, I am compelled to inquire as to the underlying motivation behind this intense preoccupation. Is it a genuine expression of affection, or is it driven by a desire to possess her body?

Firstly, if a woman is amenable to cohabitation prior to marriage, it is likely because she is in love with you. Consequently, it would be beneficial to ascertain the reason for your love for her.

The question thus arises as to whether the love in question is directed towards the person or the body.

Secondly, you assert that you do not believe she simply stayed in the room with her former romantic partner for one night. This indicates that you are judging others based on your own preconceptions and making assumptions. Do you lack trust in yourself, or do you question the character of his former romantic partner?

If one continues to consider the character of one's partner's former romantic interest, it may be because one's own character is similar. One has evaluated the other person's character, and one has also evaluated one's own partner.

From the information provided, it can be inferred that the two individuals in question are engaging in sexual intercourse for the first time.

If love is defined as an emotional exchange, then marriage can be considered a value exchange. The desire for one's partner to remain a virgin is understandable, but it is also necessary to consider what one can offer in return.

Everyone yearns for something beautiful. Focusing on one's partner's physical needs, however, indicates that one's love is not truly from the heart but rather driven by an internalized complex surrounding virginity.

I am curious to know what conclusions you have reached as a result of my analysis.

I would like to conclude by asking you whether you are aware of the nature of love and how one can truly love another person.

I comprehend your desire for a beautiful relationship. You wish for your girlfriend to be yours, both physically and mentally, and to be the epitome of perfection in your heart. In theory, there is no inherent fault in men having such thoughts. There is no right or wrong in thinking, but there is right and wrong in actions.

However, it is important to note that no individual can be considered perfect, and this form of possessiveness can be quite disturbing. Therefore, I would like to inquire once more about the underlying cause of this psychological pattern.

Have there been any emotional incidents in your family or among your close acquaintances that have left a lasting impression on you?

Additionally, I suggest reading the book "If Only I Knew Before Marriage," which may prove beneficial. Should you remain unable to move on, it would be advisable to consult with a psychologist or psychotherapist to discuss the matter further. This is a long-term issue that requires careful consideration.

I wish you the utmost success in all your future endeavors.

Greetings, question asker. It is as though I am seeing a friend in person.

It is evident that the questioner is currently constrained by a cycle of self-consciousness, which is challenging to navigate. However, they are unable to break free from it. The confusion and helplessness within their heart provide a comforting embrace, urging them to have faith in themselves and their partner, and that circumstances will eventually improve.

My girlfriend had previously accompanied her former romantic partner to a hotel, an incident that continues to evoke a profound sense of distress when I reflect upon it. I had previously discussed the matter with her, but she was experiencing a period of emotional instability, and I was reluctant to inquire further. She has suggested that her closest friend may have persuaded her to attend, and that she did not offer significant resistance, resulting in her former partner and a female acquaintance spending the night in a hotel room together. She has indicated that her former partner desired such an outcome, but she ultimately declined. (I experienced genital redness the first time I engaged in sexual intercourse with her, but I am uncertain if this was a consequence of losing her virginity.) In essence, they spent the entire night in each other's company but did not engage in any sexual activity, including physical contact such as hugging or kissing.

The questioner discovered that his girlfriend had engaged in an extramarital relationship with her former romantic partner and attempted to communicate with her. On the one hand, his girlfriend exhibited emotional instability, and the questioner was reluctant to inquire about more sensitive topics. On the other hand, his girlfriend also provided detailed information, yet the boyfriend remained skeptical, questioning whether his girlfriend had truly been unfaithful to him for the first time. From the narrative, it is evident that the questioner holds a high level of affection and attachment to his current girlfriend. I recall an Internet slang phrase that states, "I have seen the way you loved me before." This suggests that the questioner may have a tendency to compare his current relationship with past experiences, seeking to ascertain the veracity and depth of his girlfriend's feelings. The girl has demonstrated her willingness to be in a relationship with the questioner and has expressed her affection and attachment to him.

Indeed, the girlfriend is also a victim and requires greater understanding and comfort. This kind of problem, if it were any of us, is genuinely challenging to address. The questioner seeks comprehensive information but is also fearful of the outcome, which aligns with their expectations. Throughout this process, the questioner is simultaneously torturing themselves and their girlfriend. Everything is akin to a spring, with a limit. Appropriate force can enhance resilience, but excessive force often has the opposite effect. The decision depends on the questioner's vision for future relationships. Their girlfriend has consistently been a supportive presence. If the intention is to love, it is essential to embrace the status quo and embark on the journey of marriage with their partner.

1. Is it reasonable to believe what she said about not even touching it? 2. Is it advisable to delve deeper?

If the questioner wishes to continue this romantic relationship and achieve a happy resolution, I inquire as to the rationale behind further exploration. Can the questioner accept the assertion that physical contact is absent? What is the meaning and purpose of such a relationship?

The journey of love is often fraught with challenges and difficulties. At various points in time, one encounters a diverse array of individuals. Love can be conceptualized as a convergence of minds, a union of the soul and body. However, it is also a duty, a pledge of trust, an act of comprehension, and a commitment to provide support for one's partner. The path of love is often lengthy, and it is crucial to ensure that the numerous obstacles and distractions that arise do not obscure the underlying beauty and joy of the journey.

It seems reasonable to posit that the questioner and his girlfriend are in a loving relationship, and that the questioner is loved in return. It is to be hoped that they will continue to enjoy mutual happiness and that the questioner will be able to pursue his romantic interests in a way that is perceived as admirable by his partner. It is important to understand that the pursuit of romantic love is a two-way process, and that mutual understanding is a more important factor than virginity. The questioner needs to be aware that he is a highly attractive partner, at least to his girlfriend's former partner, otherwise she would not have chosen him. It is therefore important for the questioner to have confidence in his abilities and to recognise that his girlfriend now needs his care more than ever. He should also be aware that life requires him to work hard and fight for his relationship.

Should the questioner still experience difficulty in relinquishing their emotional attachment, they may wish to consider seeking the assistance of a qualified psychological institution. This could facilitate the acceptance of the situation with an open mind, the transformation of possessiveness and paranoia into motivation, the formulation of a realistic plan, and the implementation of a dedicated effort.

As a lifelong adherent of Zen Buddhism, I hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. I extend my warmest regards to you and the world at large.