My husband earns less than me, and I am competitive, so I feel very painful. What should I do?

Hello, questioner! I may not be the most knowledgeable person to answer your question, but I'll do my best.

It is worth noting that a harmonious family dynamic is often best achieved when both partners complement each other or share similar interests and goals. Attempting to accelerate the growth of one partner too quickly can lead to frustration, and if expectations are not met, it can also lead to feelings of disappointment. Additionally, this can disrupt the balance within the marriage and potentially create cracks in the relationship.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider:

1. Apart from financial status, do you think you and your husband were happy in your original marital status? Happiness is something you feel for yourself, while success is something others feel for you. If you two don't care about your family, will the family be properly taken care of?

2. The questioner mentioned that her husband tried to start a business but failed. This shows that your husband still respects and loves you and is willing to work hard at something he doesn't like or is not good at. Although he didn't succeed, he is willing to work hard to meet your expectations.

3. It's possible that if your husband puts in the effort in areas where he is not particularly skilled, it might lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment, and perhaps not meet your expectations. He may even be afraid of communicating with you because he also wants to save face. Starting a business requires ideas and the courage to innovate, and not everyone is suited to that. If the questioner really wants a change and her husband is willing to settle down for her, she might consider replacing him as the entrepreneur.

4. It is important to recognize that everyone has limited energy and cannot do everything. If a person's focus is on their family and children, it may be challenging for them to achieve a significant career advancement. I have a friend who is also more career-minded than her husband. In the past, she also felt that her husband was "unpromising" and not career-minded. However, in their marriage, her husband provides excellent care for her and she never has to worry about household matters. When she compares her situation with mine, she feels that her marriage is still very happy.

5. We often compare ourselves with those around us, but not with strangers. Regardless of our success or financial status, we may feel uneasy about our position in relation to others. However, focusing on external factors can lead to mental imbalance.

It might also have an impact on your sense of well-being. It could be helpful for the questioner to reflect on what is more important: a happy family or a husband with a lot of money.

It might be helpful to compare yourself to your previous self every year. This can help you to see how you are improving!

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

We all know that the success of a business is inseparable from good planning, planning, and planning. And we also know that in the process of doing it, we must implement it well, supervise it well, correct it in time, and then promptly review, feedback, and summarize it afterwards. We are all good at making excuses for failure, and we don't always learn from success. This is no longer a universal law, and more often than not, old revolutionaries encounter new problems.

Entrepreneurship is a one-way street, but it is also a magical path full of danger and difficulty. With the previous 99%, there is also the last 1% of luck that should not be underestimated. This is why there are still so many outstanding people who would rather stick to their companies than start a business. Those who are stronger and better than you are still waiting for their chance. Why should we force our way to the top? Before becoming a good boss, it is more realistic for us to try to become an outstanding professional.

Just a heads-up, these suggestions are for reference only. The world is a big, beautiful place that connects us all. Wishing you all the best!

I believe that your husband and your life situation are ideal. It seems that you are in charge of your career, while he is in charge of the family and the children.

It's natural for there to be a focus in both family and career, and the sharing of focus has nothing to do with gender. Inevitably, one person will neglect the other after focusing on one aspect. It's beneficial that you and your husband can complement each other.

Perhaps you could start by communicating with your husband. Given that he was willing to listen to you and go out on your own at the beginning, it seems fair to assume that he is someone who can listen to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to express to him not so much that you want him to work hard, but rather the thoughts and feelings you shared in your last few sentences.

Perhaps it would be helpful to talk about your recent emotional state: are you feeling irritable, anxious, or at a loss? It's understandable that you're struggling to adjust, especially given your strong-willed nature and hopes for your husband and children. It's important to recognize that complaining about your husband may have consequences.

I want to reassure you that I don't resent my husband. I'm also trying to adjust my state of mind, and I hope that my husband can help you during this period. I kindly ask that you not get angry because of your complaints.

If I might suggest, perhaps the first step would be to resolve your current conflicting situation, and then slowly adjust your perception.

It is important to recognize that people have different personalities, life goals, hobbies, and strengths. These differences are what enable society to function smoothly.

If everyone is the same and everyone is strong, it would be interesting to consider how this might affect the number of businesses that can be started. It's possible that, once they have started their businesses, people might be too busy working on their own ventures to take on additional employment. It's also possible that there will be a demand for different types of work. This could lead to a division of labour.

The same can be said for the operation of a family. If one person enjoys cooking, they may be responsible for that task, and if another person prefers washing dishes, they may be responsible for that. If you are required to do tasks you don't enjoy, over time, those tasks may lead to negative emotions until they reach a point of frustration. Family conflicts may become more challenging to manage, and even the initial enjoyment of cooking may become less appealing.

It is therefore important for families to have mutual understanding and to be willing to make appropriate compromises. For example, if neither husband nor wife enjoys cooking, should they stop doing it? Perhaps you could cook today and he could cook tomorrow, or you could cook together.

Perhaps it would be helpful to put yourself in your husband's shoes for a moment. Could you try to see your situation from his perspective and then imagine how you would feel in his shoes?

You are very strong, but you are forced not to go to work and stay at home to take care of the children and household chores. If you don't do a good job, you will be compared with the wives of your relatives, and they will say, "Look at other people, they take care of their families so well, why can't you? You are all women, and you can't even bring up your children well, what's the use? At first, you can only laugh when you hear things like this, but after a while, you may find yourself reacting in the same way as your husband does now, and not wanting him to interfere in his own affairs.

I tried to adapt to your ideas, but I realized that my abilities and interests are not well suited to this environment. I was also compared and finally scolded. I felt a bit frustrated and helpless.

It's important to have your own standards when it comes to earning money and success. For instance, you might ask yourself: How much money is considered a lot of money? And how far is considered successful?

If you want to compare with the outside world, there is no way to do so. Take "small goals" as an example. This is considered a big gain and success, but if you compare this small goal with the family of a listed company, you might be said to be not motivated, and you may not be able to pay the employees' salaries.

Perhaps we could consider lowering our standards and comparing ourselves to the average person. If your salary and success rate are not as good as others', it may be because they have a master's or doctorate degree, a higher starting monthly salary, or connections that allow them to work as civil servants. While their salary may not be high, they may have more opportunities for success in the future, reaching the level of section chief or whatever, and it may be challenging for your family to catch up.

We can make comparisons. If our income is fixed, we can consider our side income or savings for the month. If we maintain a record of our income, we can see if we are making progress, which indicates that we are doing well. If our income is commission-based, we can assess whether we have regressed and whether we have made progress every few months.

Perhaps success is not about equating salary with success, but rather about aligning one's ideals and goals. For instance, if you are career-oriented and becoming the general manager is your goal, and you feel satisfied, that could be considered a form of success. Similarly, if your husband is the family-oriented type, taking care of household matters well and not worrying you, and he feels happy and satisfied, that could also be seen as a form of success.

Another aspect to consider is the issue of differential treatment within the family. It would be helpful to understand the underlying reasons for this treatment. Is it because your family has a lower income? If this is the primary criterion by which family members evaluate one another, it's possible that your competitiveness stems from your upbringing. If you're not particularly exceptional, your parents may not prioritize you, leading you to feel the need to stand out and attend a prestigious school.

It would be beneficial to adjust your perception of the family so that you can have a suitable and positive approach to your children in the future.

Secondly, I feel that people may view me negatively if I don't have money. It's important to highlight our strengths and avoid focusing on our weaknesses.

To make the best of one's strengths and avoid the weaknesses, it is helpful to have an objective understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of one's family. What you may consider to be a weakness, such as not being as wealthy as your partner, could in fact be a strength. It is important to consider whether your partner's family is actually wealthier than yours, and whether this is reflected in their lifestyle. It is also important to consider the financial pressures and debt that they may face.

Perhaps we could consider the strengths as well? Is the atmosphere in your family more positive than in others? Does your husband support you and your career goals? Is this also the case in other people's families? You might even want to share this with others.

It might be helpful to remind yourself to look at things from a different perspective when you feel negative emotions. If you feel that your husband is not trying hard enough, you could try taking a deep breath and adjusting your emotions.

I hope my husband can oversee me and, should my competitiveness affect my child, he can gently remind me in time and allow me the space to make my own decisions.

You have identified the issue and are seeking a way to adjust your mindset. The next step is to find an effective method and implement it. You might consider speaking with a professional counselor who can provide guidance on cognitive behavioral techniques. With practice, you may be able to achieve the desired result.

Hello! I'm the questioner who's ready to leap out of the pain of envy and comparison.

After reading your message, I was instantly transported back in time to a few years ago. While the situation is not exactly the same as yours, I was filled with admiration for my sisters for their stable jobs, higher incomes, and their ability to provide the best care for their parents. I was also filled with excitement for the future and the possibilities it holds. I was ready to embrace a new perspective and leave behind any negative thoughts that were holding me back.

I totally get it! I can't help but fall into this kind of emotion again and again, so I understand your current state of inner conflict.

You mentioned that you are competitive, which is great! This reminds me that personality = inborn temperament type + acquired environment (parents' personalities, educational philosophies, relationship models, communication styles, etc., not to be exhaustive). So, we can try to reflect on and perceive ourselves from this perspective. What do we long for most in our competitiveness?

Recognition by parents? Absolutely! Attention from parents? Definitely!

The love of your parents? Self-fulfillment?

You can even try sorting it out in writing!

You expect your lover to spend more time and energy developing his career and improving your economic foundation, so you are a little disappointed when he spends more time and energy on the family and children. But I think that's precisely one of the reasons why you chose to marry him in the first place!

Guess what! Research has shown that we are more than 70% likely to choose a partner similar to our opposite-sex parents. Isn't that fascinating? The rest of us choose a completely different type. You can try drawing a family relationship diagram of your own.

Now for the fun part! Use squares for men and circles for women, with the father on the left and the mother on the right. Then arrange the members of your family vertically below them in the order of their birth. Next to each member, write 6-8 adjectives, focusing on your description of mum and dad. Label the relationships between the family members as close, distant, or hostile.

You might notice something totally different!

You can compare and recall the part of your lover that attracts you, and the similarities between him and your father. It's fascinating how we enter marriage with the imprint of our original family. We project on our partner the expectations we had for our parents that were not met, as well as repeating their relationship patterns.

This analysis is a great way to figure out how much of our frustration with our partner is really about them and how much is about us. It'll be super helpful for your relationship! And it's so important to remember that we're the ones who set the expectations.

This can really help to make things better!

When stressful events occur, thoughts will take on the persona of an inner narrator, constantly pointing out and commenting. What's more, they can sometimes add fuel to the fire, exaggerating an ordinary stressful event into a catastrophe like the sky falling.

Thoughts are fascinating! They're subjective comments in the mind. Usually, they're based on some facts, but at the same time, they also include further interpretation and processing of the facts by our mind based on past experiences.

When we experience emotions, our reactions can be divided into three levels:

1. Physical sensations: For example, an increase in heart rate, muscle tension, sweating, trembling, etc., caused by anxiety. When emotions arise, try to pay attention to your body's sensations by means of body scanning. This is a great way to really tune in to what your body is telling you!

2 Behavioral responses: When we face a stressful event, there are three common behavioral patterns: fight, flight, and freeze. Amazingly, you can pay attention to your own reaction when an emotion comes, and see which type it is!

3. The amazing thing is that our mind gives this series of reactions a name. This naming represents our generalization of our thoughts, bodily feelings, and behavioral responses.

Bring a non-judgmental attitude and treat the emotions and thoughts you write down gently. It's okay to have different reactions to stressful events. There's no right or wrong, good or bad. Just embrace them as normal.

I'm so excited for you to try the methods above to relieve your current confusion and pain! In addition, I would highly recommend that you choose a professional counselor to explore yourself with you and find out the truth behind these emotional experiences.

And you can take back the initiative of your happiness!

I highly recommend the following books: "Meeting the Unknown Self," "Re-Meeting the Unknown Self," and "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist." They provide new and exciting perspectives on looking at ourselves!

And finally, I wish you all the very best in taking charge of your own happiness!

Hello, question asker!

Your husband makes less money than you, and you have this amazing idea that he can start a business to increase his income! This will also give you status at home and prevent you from being ignored and looked down upon. However, your husband likes to take care of the family and is relatively resistant to starting a business, which makes you feel a little resentful, but you know he'll come around!

There are so many reasons you want your husband to start a business!

Another great reason is that your husband doesn't earn much, and starting a business would increase his income. You wouldn't feel any sense of inequality because your salary is lower than his.

Second, you know that everyone around you can start a successful business, and you subconsciously think that starting a business is easy. So, why not make it a family affair? Your family should be able to start a business too!

Starting a business can make you feel treated fairly and give you face among your relatives!

So, can starting a business really be what you want? Absolutely! You can think about it.

What do you want your family to be like? It could be a happy, loving family, or a family that takes on responsibilities together. The choice is yours!

Who is going to take care of these household chores? You can do it! You contribute just as much to the family as your husband, so you can take care of the family together.

And the big question is: does your husband have what it takes to be an entrepreneur? Do you have the start-up capital and are you ready to take the entrepreneurial plunge?

Just think about it for a moment.

If you want to change the current situation and live in harmony with your husband, you can do it! All you have to do is change yourself, not your husband.

First of all, your competitive personality has a lot to do with your family of origin. You mentioned that your relatives think that only those who start their own business and become successful are truly successful. They believe that success is about making a lot of money and gaining face, while treating you differently. This makes you feel that you must start your own business to gain the trust of others.

You love to be competitive! When you were a child, this was probably the only way to get others to value, pay attention to, and care about you.

It is a great idea to be aware of your emotions and needs in time, to meet your own needs, rather than seeking satisfaction through others. When your heart is strong, ignore what others say about you, because your heart knows exactly what you want and what you have already gained, rather than blindly pursuing what others expect.

Second, starting a business is an amazing adventure that involves both success and failure, and it requires taking great risks. You now have a family with children. What kind of life do you hope for in the future?

A stable life? Absolutely!

And the great news is that the more you contribute to the family, the more your partner will have to contribute too!

You may not feel that you bring value to the family, but your children can be well taken care of, and their healthy growth with the company of their parents is a priceless value that is difficult to measure, but it does exist!

Finally, it is time for a good talk with your husband about the problems between you. You'll be amazed at how much better you understand each other and how much psychological support you gain! And even though your career may not be as successful as others, you are very happy!

I really hope this is useful to you! Best regards!

I believe the questioner is quite good.

My name is Kelly Shui, and I'm a heart explorer.

I can see that you are experiencing some pain and conflict, but I also see your courage in actively seeking to understand the underlying issues.

It seems that your husband earns little money and you are competitive. There are likely several reasons behind this.

1: Character It might be helpful to consider the potential influence of the family environment on competitiveness from an early age.

From what you have written about your upbringing, I wonder if your parents also compared you to others when you were young.

I believe that behind Tian Yulan's competitiveness, there may be a sense of inner deprivation.

While we all may have experienced similar situations during our childhoods, our understanding of psychology has taught us that a person's self-esteem is shaped by their beliefs about their own value and capabilities.

Psychologist Adler posited that some people are fortunate enough to heal from their childhood experiences, while others may spend a lifetime trying to do so.

While we cannot change the past or our childhood, we can start changing ourselves now.

I find this saying particularly inspiring: "The cracks in life are where the light shines in."

For instance, if we experience discomfort or discord, it provides an opportunity for personal growth for those who are affected.

1: It might be helpful to find a professional counselor to accompany you on your journey of growth. You might also find it beneficial to study psychology. Reading professional books could be a valuable addition to your learning.

2: It might be helpful to affirm yourself more, return to your relationship as a couple, and feel loved and loved in a safe relationship. While paying attention to your children and loved ones, you might also find it beneficial to feel confident that your family is loved, which could make them happy and laughing. You might also feel healed.

3: As you mentioned, your income is quite good. You have the opportunity to talk with your husband and joke with him. It would be beneficial for you to write down each other's good points.

It would be beneficial for you to gradually and fully release your emotions, allowing yourself to genuinely feel that you are a good person. This will positively influence your children, who will also be able to experience the joy and mutual appreciation that you and your partner have for each other.

While we cannot change our childhoods or the past, we can certainly change our own lives. The nuclear family is a fundamental unit.

It is often the case that children learn from their parents' example, and this can contribute to a happy family atmosphere.

4: We focus on ourselves. It is also important to remember that there are other things in life that money cannot buy, such as happiness and good health.

Many people work very hard. While they work hard to earn money, they may lose sight of what truly brings them happiness.

Many of the difficulties and disagreements in life may have their roots in a kind of "struggle."

For instance, there are instances when people argue about right and wrong, compete for fame and fortune, or exhibit other forms of competitiveness and aggression. Unfortunately, these arguments can lead to a never-ending cycle of conflict, prolonged anger, and a challenging life.

We have observed that engaging in conflict is often the most hurtful behavior, and it can also negatively impact one's own well-being. Being overly argumentative can potentially lead to a decline in happiness and the loss of promising opportunities in life.

In history, Xiang Yu was known for his prowess in battle, which ultimately led to his downfall and demise.

By learning from the experiences of others, we can potentially lead different lives.

We can take control of our lives and live them well. Perhaps happiness in the family is also a possibility? Many people admire you.

2: We can all be influenced by those around us, and we may sometimes feel troubled by their success or the comparison with our family and surroundings.

When we were children, academic performance was often seen as an important indicator of whether we would receive praise and recognition from our loved ones, friends, or teachers. Other qualities were sometimes less emphasized in comparison.

I can see that you made a good choice in your spouse.

If you didn't appreciate your husband, would you have married him?

Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on your own choices and thoughts. It's possible that returning to a familiar environment might trigger memories from your past.

And over time, in this atmosphere of comparison, we learn that we can only see our own value and think that we are excellent by comparing ourselves with those around us.

I believe this may be the reason for your success. By comparing yourself with others, you gain insight into not only the people around you but also yourself.

Perhaps you can draw a comparison. For example, when you are in the workplace, you will likely be pleased with positive feedback.

Don't you think that life is really wonderful?

It is interesting to consider why we might feel so useless and as though our husbands don't earn much when we receive negative feedback in front of our family members.

If I may make a suggestion, I think you may feel depressed.

If I may suggest, it might be helpful to remind yourself that you have been independent for some time now, that you and your husband have your own home, and that you have a great job.

It might be helpful to remember that they are individuals in their own right, and you are, too. You might find it beneficial to learn to separate topics, and to watch "The Courage to Be Disliked."

3: It's natural for you and your family to compare yourselves with each other. It can be particularly challenging when your parents and siblings treat you differently.

I believe I understand you very much, and I think your family will also compete. I imagine parents also live in such a comparative environment.

We have learned to distinguish between issues and set boundaries, and you will also understand that you have become independent and have long since been able to take responsibility for yourself.

It's beneficial to have a supportive family, such as brothers who are capable and willing to take on additional responsibilities for their parents. Those who are able to contribute more should do so. It's admirable to admire such qualities in others.

It's possible that comparison might lead us to lose sight of who we are. In the process of comparison, we can sometimes go to extremes, judging ourselves harshly while being very tolerant of others.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept yourself. It might also be beneficial to be lenient with yourself and allow yourself to be yourself, as they are who they are.

At this time, it would be beneficial to sincerely appreciate your family, embrace your true self, and tell yourself in a firm tone that you are great.

You have consistently maintained your own unique identity.

4: You are not particularly vain, and your true self may be just like this, so you will likely find a husband who works and reciprocates with love.

As previously discussed, comparison is not inherently negative. Without comparison, we may not fully recognize our own shortcomings.

Perhaps the more important thing is how to construct a correct understanding of yourself after comparing with the outside world.

It might be said that our emotional problems arise from many incorrect comparisons.

For instance, if you believe that others can earn money and that their income is a matter of personal choice, it may be helpful to consider that it is also important to know yourself and understand what your character is suited to doing.

Perhaps we could say that self-knowledge means knowing yourself.

We may sometimes find ourselves comparing what we are not so good at with what others are good at, which can sometimes make us feel a little down and even lead us to think that our husband is not quite as outstanding as we would like. This can sometimes affect our relationship.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your current level of satisfaction with your life.

Could I ask you to think about your strengths?

Perhaps we could consider learning to compare ourselves with the outside world. It's worth noting that we're often adept at making comparisons, identifying shortcomings, and perceiving deficiencies.

However, it is important to recognize that this approach may not be beneficial and may potentially lead to negative emotions.

It might be helpful to consider that learning from comparisons with the outside world allows us to constantly absorb things that could potentially benefit us.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that the achievements that others admire must have been earned through hard work.

It's not easy to achieve a superior life.

Given the number of people around me who have found success in making money, I would be grateful to receive advice from them on how they have built their lives through their own efforts.

How might I regulate my heart and mind so that I don't become so envious and jealous?

I believe that your tendency to become emotional may be linked to the lack of a clear goal and plan.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, it might be helpful to take a moment to calm down and think things through.

1: It might be helpful to recognize your strengths and move forward with confidence. When we have a clear understanding of ourselves, it can be easier to navigate the distractions of the outside world.

2: The fast pace of life has made it challenging for you to take the time to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings.

You might like to try reading a book or doing something you enjoy.

3: It is important to allow yourself to experience doubt, low moods, and periods of lack of motivation.

It would be beneficial to take a moment to reflect on your strengths, which should not be overshadowed by external factors.

4: You might consider analyzing yourself objectively again with your best friend, a loved one, or your husband, which could help you identify your strengths.

I believe that when we focus on ourselves, we can definitely make progress.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Hello, questioner! I'm listening, Master Ally!

Your problem is that you are competitive, you earn more than your husband, and you want your husband to earn more. However, your husband seems to be content with the status quo. You are torn and want a professional answer. I can't give you a professional answer, but I still want to share my feelings with you.

You can adjust to eliminate your own envy and jealousy. They are human nature, and everyone has them. They begin from the moment we are born. The famous psychoanalyst Klein mentioned in his book, "Envy and Gratitude," that envy, jealousy, and hatred are innate.

You can't eliminate them. Understand the deeper meaning of envy and jealousy instead. It seems to be money, but what is behind money?

Your problem is your relationship with money. When traced back to its source, it becomes your relationship with your mother.

This may be difficult to grasp, but it's crucial to understand that your relationship with your husband mirrors your relationship with your mother. Your mother is the cause, not the effect.

You can change the result, but you cannot change the cause. The result is what we want to change.

This will become your relationship with yourself. The most professional answer is to seek growth-oriented psychological counseling.

That's all. I'm sure this will help!

Hello, question asker!

Give your partner a big hug!

It's totally understandable to feel confused. Many of your relatives and friends have started their own businesses and are doing really well. Your husband and you are currently wage earners, and your income might not be as high as theirs. You earn more than your husband in your industry, which is great! But it's not easy to start your own business, and it's not fair to compare your situation to others who have succeeded. It's natural to have high expectations of your husband. He's tried to start his own business, but it hasn't worked out yet. He's always focused on the family and children, which is wonderful, but it might not align with your expectations. It's okay to feel unhappy when you meet with relatives and friends. We all do! But try not to compare yourself to others. You and your husband are doing great! You're not vain, but you might feel that you don't earn as much as others or that you're not as successful as others. It's okay to feel that way sometimes. We all feel that way sometimes! But try not to let it affect you. Your parents and siblings might treat you differently, but that's not a reflection of you. You're doing great! You're right, your husband should try harder. But it's important to remember that expectations can lead to complaints and resentment. Try to be understanding and patient with him. He's doing his best! You're doing great! You're not envious or jealous. You're just feeling a little down because you're comparing yourself to others. It's natural! But try not to let it affect you. You and your husband are doing great!

I'm really looking forward to hearing back from you all! Thanks so much!

I know this might not be the most professional answer, but let's chat as friends!

You say, "I have high expectations of my husband, and he has tried to start a business but has never succeeded. Every time I meet with relatives and friends, I can't help but compare and feel unhappy."

I think he's feeling a bit down after the New Year. Marriage is like two clay dolls: if you break one, you get one for yourself, and the process of remodeling you and me begins.

I think it's very similar to what you said. You think starting a business will bring better income to the family, so you also hope your husband will start a business. It's a process in which you want to deepen your relationship with your husband, which I think is a wonderful thing!

This expectation of your husband is also a kind of love and growth. I can see that you have a good heart, but I can also see that your husband feels a bit of pressure and is a bit resentful.

You've realized that even though you've both grown and changed, you're still two individuals who need to respect each other. A great relationship is built on mutual respect, and I'm sure you both want that!

You're trying to accept your husband, which is great! But why does your husband always revolve around the children? Think about it. Taking care of the family is also a way to show responsibility. It could also be that you're too ambitious in your career and have less time, so he's taken on the role of caregiver.

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Good day!

You are competitive and well paid. It can be challenging when you are compared to others and feel like you may not have come out on top. It's similar to when you were a child and you went to school wearing a pretty dress, looking forward to

You may sometimes feel envious of others, but when you see that your classmates are all more beautiful than you, it can be difficult to maintain your pride.

At this juncture, it would be beneficial to seek the support of a reliable ally. Your husband could be a valuable source of assistance in this regard.

It may be the case that our traditional culture has instilled the idea that "the husband is a support," which could potentially influence your feelings when you find that you can't rely on your husband. It's understandable that this disappointment might make you feel helpless and painful.

Unfortunately, this can lead to a vicious cycle where your pain is not relieved, but you lash out at your husband, feeling that he is the source of your pain. Your husband resists, and your relationship breaks down, which can make you feel even more miserable.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that to change the current situation, the first thing you need to do is improve your relationship with your husband. In my opinion, to break this vicious cycle, you first need to see

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your husband's strengths.

In this regard, you are aware that your husband is responsible for many things in the family and with the children. This allows you more time and energy to pursue your own interests.

You might consider using this as a way to break the vicious cycle.

If you feel you could benefit from some additional support to help you improve, you might like to consider speaking with a professional counselor.

Thank you for sharing your situation. I can appreciate the challenges you've outlined.

As a psychological counselor, I would like to present my understanding from a psychological perspective.

Your personality traits are closely related to your upbringing and your relationship with your parents. The competition with your siblings was actually rooted in a desire to gain the attention and approval of your parents.

The drive to compete has become an internal demand you place on yourself. However, after getting married, you have incorporated your husband into this dynamic, using your fixed pattern to demand that he also work hard to earn money and become a successful leader in the competition. This is a form of control and demand, and it also destroys boundaries and can damage your relationship as a couple. How do you adjust?

Firstly, mutual respect is paramount. As two independent individuals, your respective personalities are shaped by your familial backgrounds. When forming a nuclear family, it is essential to respect each other's individual characteristics. In the event of a conflict, it is vital to discuss and resolve it together.

Your husband provides excellent care for you and the children at home. This may be why he is willing to prioritize the family and put love and emotion first. You can also perceive that your husband is gentle in temperament and high in emotional intelligence, and is a sentimental thinker. You are a rational thinker and should be very capable at work or in business, but emotionally you should also be competitive. You are always striving for perfection and are prone to belittlement, accusations, and demanding of your family. This is somewhat like your relationship with your parents during your growth process, and also related to the competition between your siblings.

Take the time to experience emotions and recognize the strengths of others, including your spouse, children, parents, and siblings, with an appreciative eye. Family is not a place for reason, but for compassion and love. If this was not the case previously, implement a new environment model for your nuclear family so that your children can grow up in an equal and harmonious home.

Secondly, it is important to accept yourself. While it is not possible to change the past, it is possible to accept the present and be true to yourself.

Previously, being perceived by others was associated with negative outcomes such as failure, exclusion, and disregard. Currently, you are the primary decision-maker in your life, whether in financial or emotional matters. You are best positioned to determine what is comfortable for you, and you can gradually adjust your perceptions to enhance your comfort level.

Finally, you have a high level of awareness and feel that you cannot resolve conflicts. This is also a limitation, which is why you express it on the platform. It will lead to support and help from different dimensions. This is the first step to changing your perspective! You are also very independent. When you understand mutual respect and understanding between husband and wife and do not cross boundaries, you can learn to express your different opinions verbally and discuss conflicts with each other, so that you can work together to make your small home a warm home.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you, and encourage you to embrace self-love. I believe you have the potential to achieve great things.

Hello, question asker!

Your story shows that you're anxious about your husband's current situation and insecure.

Right now, you and your husband have formed a family, and the goal of the family is the most important thing. All efforts should be focused on that goal. Then there should be a division of labor within the family. Right now, the division of labor in your family has naturally formed a pattern of the man taking care of the household and the woman working outside the home because of work ability and other reasons.

This is a new model that has emerged in modern life, challenging traditional thinking. Films and TV shows like "I Love My Male Nanny," "White Moonlight," "30 and Still Standing," and "Your Life Looks Good" all reflect this reality.

Your inner anxiety, pain, and imbalance come from the difference between your current situation and your ideal situation, as well as the conflict between your current perception and your original internal perception.

Based on what you've told me, I think there are a few areas where things could improve gradually.

1. Shift your mindset.

Think outside the box.

Right now, the man in your family is focused on the family, and you can try to take charge of the outside world. It's just that, in general, both sides have to balance family and career, with different priorities. As young people in the new era, don't use old concepts to demand the same of your partner and yourself.

Don't dwell on what doesn't exist.

You mentioned that you sometimes feel looked down upon, particularly when your own parents and siblings treat you differently. It can be really hurtful and difficult to deal with.

Your husband's career is still in its early stages. He has a job, but he's not making a lot of money. On the bright side, he can cook and take care of the kids. You're really lucky! Did you know that those who earn money don't always come home, and those who stay at home don't earn money? There's no such thing as two ends of a stick being sweet. Wouldn't you say it's a kind of happiness to have the whole family gather together for meals and live a simple life?

Many people are envious of your pace of life at this time. What's the point of earning money?

Ultimately, we all want a happy and uneventful life, right? It's easy to feel like others are looking down on you, but that's not true. Your feelings are your own, not anyone else's.

It's possible that other people may not have time to pay attention to your affairs.

❤️2: Don't complain so much and don't be too demanding of your husband. Men can be intimidated by this and become even more withdrawn, unable to take on responsibilities. Men are social animals, and it is very important for them to have a certain degree of fame in society. Men like to hear flattery more than women, so don't be stingy with your compliments and praise them more often to give them more confidence.

❤️3. Build your skills and take on more responsibility.

Once a couple has formed a family, the first thing they should do is work on improving their abilities and gradually increase their sense of responsibility. They should take on their roles in life and gain knowledge, experience, and abilities through practice to lay a good foundation for future development.

Adjust your goals and expectations.

People have different levels of what they're looking for, depending on how they see themselves. If you're not happy with where you are, you need to understand that society isn't always fair and change your goals and expectations to match.

Not everyone can become a successful entrepreneur. It's good to compare yourself to your own performance in the past and to set goals for the future, but it's not helpful to compare yourself to others.

Don't you want long-term peace, health, and harmony in your family?

There's nothing wrong with family life. Feeling good is called excitement; feeling bad is called growth.

Ultimately, whether something is good or bad depends on your own perspective. How you feel inside is shaped by how you define it.

Everyone has different abilities, but as long as they take responsibility for their family and have a sense of enterprise, they deserve praise. If you live in someone else's world, you'll always be tired.

People with lower energy levels than you tend to doubt you, deny you, and even envy you.

People with similar energy levels to yours like, affirm, and appreciate you.

People with higher energy levels than you understand, accept, and support you.

This is the law of energy.

I'm like the wind in June—the world and I love you. I hope my story can help you in some way.

Whether life is sweet or not depends on how you see it.

It all depends on how you look at it!

It all depends on how you look at it!