My husband has been unfaithful in middle age, rebelling against his role, and wants to be his own person. I want to win him back but don't know how to proceed.

Hello!

No matter what he seems like, your husband is really just looking for control and recognition. He's hoping there's a way for him to escape from what he doesn't want to face right now or find what he needs from it.

Let me just say a few things.

Oh, come on! Being yourself is bullshit?

Remember, a person is always themselves. So don't pay too much attention to what the other person expresses. What's more important is what you see that they don't express.

He's just doing what he needs to do, and it's all part of his psychological make-up.

2. If you're not sure what you want, that's okay! Take some time to figure it out. From what you've told me, it seems like your husband is going through a lot right now.

He's not sure what he wants, whether it's a family or something else.

I can see that you're a little confused about what to do. It's totally normal to feel this way! It seems like you're not sure whether you should be good to him or not.

But this only reflects his own confusion and suffering. The root of the problem is that he cannot solve this problem that belongs to himself. It's okay, though! You don't need to worry about what he wants. You should figure out what you want first.

It's so important to take the time to figure out whether you still want to win him back and what kind of him you want to win back. It's also really helpful to think about whether you can accept some risks in the future.

Do you like the idea of him wandering off again?

Take a moment to think about what you're hoping to achieve. Once you've done that, you can decide whether it's time to take the next step.

I just wanted to say that there is a possibility of failure since you wrote "save" in the title. This is because you are now giving the other person the power in the relationship.

I've got a few simple suggestions for you.

It's okay to just take a little break from everything and stay still for a while. Try to stay neutral and keep an open mind.

Be gentle with yourself, but don't worry too much.

It's so important to take a step back mentally and make sure your financial needs are met and that you have a safety net in place. After all, you still need to protect the interests of your family and children. Secondly, you need to let go and accept that you can still love this person, but you need to be prepared for the separation and the fact that it cannot be undone. In other words, you need to become mentally independent and pay more attention to yourself.

If you want to have it, you've got to be brave enough to lose it.

If you want to let someone go, just let them go. Remember the second step? You don't actually need to try to keep someone who is leaving. It's okay!

Your mind and emotions are fluid. Just wait for the time to give you the answer, okay?

You've got this! This process can be divided into separate distractions. Just maintain a positive attitude towards yourself and a positive attitude towards him (I know you don't care too much, but try to keep that up!).

I'm sure you don't care anymore whether you can get him back or not, but I just wanted to say that the above points are very helpful for him to come back on his own initiative. If he thinks it through, he will have an answer.

Wishing you all the best! Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas.

I'm so grateful for this encounter!

It's a wild ride being a middle-aged person! From the story of the questioner, we can see the changes in a man: "rebellious in middle school," then "a bad student who became a good student," "a good student, a good son, and after marriage, a good husband and a good father," and then the recent "was found cheating at the end of last year."

Although I'm not sure what happened in the first two transformations, this one seems to be a bit more straightforward. It seems that the wife is focused on her children and work, while the parents are focused on their grandchildren. It's a fascinating dynamic!

I'm really curious about the questioner here – the woman in front of me – and I'd love to know how she feels about her husband's infidelity and the reasons he gave. I'd also love to hear her opinion!

I'm excited to hear about the communication you've had so far and the efforts you've made!

How effective is it? How does the questioner feel about these days?

From the questioner's description, I can't see much emotion, and it presents an objective, rational, calm, problem-solving attitude. I don't know if I can understand the questioner's question, but I'm excited to try! The questioner found out that her husband was cheating on her, but she doesn't understand why he would do that. She's hoping to find a way to let her husband's need to "be himself" be fulfilled at home, so that he will stop cheating.

As I write these words, I want to ask the questioner: How do you feel about your current marriage and family life, your relationship with your husband, and your own state? Are you happy? I'm excited to hear your answer!

Are you absolutely thrilled with your life right now?

It's so interesting how everyone has different identities and roles, many of which are defined by society and relationships. And every intimate relationship revolves around three elements: commitment, intimacy, and passion.

People in love have high passion and intimacy values! Couples who have been married for many years may have high commitment values, low passion values, and not necessarily high intimacy values.

The husband has taken on the roles of son and father to the children, while the wife's husband has embraced the role of partner and lover. They both have the opportunity to be the best versions of themselves as husband, father, and lover.

At the same time, the relationship is mutual, so I am also very excited to learn more about the questioner's feelings in their daily lives!

I really hope this helps! Best regards,

Hello!

It's totally normal to be shocked when a husband and father who is usually considered a good husband and father suddenly becomes unfaithful. It's also totally normal to feel confused about what you meant when you said that you felt invisible.

You mentioned the current state of your family, and it sounds like you've got a great support system in place! The child is lucky to have the help of the elderly, and it's wonderful that the home is kept in order.

It's so sad, but your husband has almost no presence in the family.

Just picture it for a second. If he disappeared, if he became invisible, nothing would change in the family.

It's so hard when you feel like you're being ignored, isn't it? I can imagine it must be really difficult for him to feel like it makes no difference whether he's included or not, and that he's not being noticed.

It might be helpful to think about how you spend your time together as a family.

For example, if the family orders food in a restaurant, they may only care about whether the baby will be able to eat it and pay less attention to him. It's totally understandable! He also wants to be paid attention to like a child.

It might be that you're a little too much of a bother to him, and he feels like he doesn't have any rights. For instance, if your child wants to sign up for an interest class, have you asked him what he thinks?

When the parents go for a medical checkup, have they asked him which hospital or medical institution is more suitable? It would be great to get his input on that!

Let's give him more of a chance to participate in family life and let him have some choice too.

It's so important to make sure he feels seen and heard, and that his opinions are respected.

How's your relationship as a couple?

Hey there! When was the last time you and your partner went out together?

Do you still look adoringly at your husband?

It's possible that he could get all this from a third party, and easily at that.

You understand his strengths and weaknesses. He's not just an object of adoration, but a regular person, and sometimes you even laugh at his shortcomings!

It's not realistic to stay in love all the time in a relationship, but it's still important to find some passion!

Let yourself be able to sincerely exclaim, "My husband is so great, my husband is so amazing!"

In your family, you're not just a daughter, daughter-in-law, or mother of the children. You're so much more than that! You have your own identity.

Your husband says he doesn't feel seen, but the truth is, you've also slowly faded away at home and at work.

When you can also be yourself and show your lovely feminine side, so that he can feel the charm of your wife and the warmth of your family, there's a good chance he'll come back.

If he still wants to go out and find a third party, try to calm down and let him really try living without you. You never know, maybe he'll only know how to cherish it when he loses it.

I really hope things work out for you!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to have the opportunity to respond to your query. I hope that my suggestions will prove helpful.

In this situation, the couple may be likened to two individuals who have strayed from their respective life paths.

The husband appears to be experiencing a sense of identity crisis, while the wife seems to be struggling to identify effective strategies for addressing the challenges within the marriage.

In such a situation, it would be prudent to seek the assistance of a psychologist. For the husband, it would be beneficial to ascertain how to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and to organize one's value system, particularly with regard to the values associated with marriage and life, as well as the future trajectory of development.

It is essential for wives to promptly adjust their emotional state, learn about gender relations when necessary, and identify effective communication strategies for couples.

The structure of a family can be defined as a model that encompasses the various roles and relationships within the family unit. The optimal family structure is one that is able to accommodate the needs of all family members and facilitate the functioning of the family as a whole.

In general, each individual is expected to fulfill their respective roles and responsibilities. For instance, a wife is expected to fulfill the role of a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, and so on. Similarly, a husband is expected to fulfill the role of a husband, father, and son-in-law. When the roles are confused, it is possible that the individual in the original role may lose their way.

For example, the responsibility for childcare falls upon the parents. While the elderly may provide assistance, they remain the grandparents and fulfill the role of grandparents. However, if the primary caregiver for children is solely the mother and her parents or grandparents, this can lead to minor issues.

It is our hope that, with the assistance of qualified professionals, you will be able to resolve your issues and establish a mutually satisfactory mode of coexistence with your spouse.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.