My husband says I look down on him. What should I do? Shouldn't two people work together?

Greetings.

The couple in question has been married for two years. It is this author's belief that the wife married her husband out of love, rather than due to the necessity of marriage as she reached a certain age, as her husband has stated. The wife still cares for her husband to a great extent, and she has plans for the future that include him. She also provides him with advice. Therefore, she desires a future that is good for them both.

In a romantic partnership, affection and intimacy can be sufficient for maintaining a positive relationship. However, in a marital context, these factors alone may not be sufficient for sustaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Men and women tend to think differently, and if their experiences diverge significantly, there is a heightened risk of misunderstanding. It is therefore crucial for the two of you to maintain composure and engage in frequent, in-depth communication. It is essential to recognize and appreciate each other's differences, foster mutual understanding, learn more effective communication strategies, and address any existing misunderstandings.

The two parties are now engaged in a dispute, each maintaining their own perspective. The arguments presented by both parties are logical and well-reasoned, reflecting their genuine beliefs and emotions.

It seems evident that there was a discrepancy in the temporal orientation of the discourse, with the wife espousing plans for the future and the husband expressing his present sentiments. This discrepancy in temporal alignment likely contributed to the miscommunication and subsequent misunderstanding.

Disputes of this nature have the potential to cause emotional distress. It is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of sadness.

Your ideal is that he will change himself because he loves you. His rejection is a source of considerable frustration for you. You believe that you are merely attempting to do what is best for him and for the future happiness of the two of you, yet your husband has accused you of looking down on him. As a result, you feel aggrieved and sad.

The aforementioned enthusiasm for the future and willingness to work hard together has been met with a considerable setback.

It is important to recognize that change is not a simple process. Men are not capable of changing their behaviors solely because they love their partners. This does not indicate a lack of love; rather, it is a reflection of the fact that habits can be deeply ingrained and challenging to alter.

Your husband is also experiencing distress. You informed your husband that you believe his part-time employment outside the home is inconsequential. He perceives that you are discontented with him and view him with disdain, which he deems disrespectful.

The discrepancy in their perspectives on time—with you focusing on the future and he on the present—is the source of the conflict. He perceives your actions as forcing him to change in accordance with your demands, which he views as a rejection of his current reality. This leads to a deterioration in his self-esteem and feelings of frustration and defeat.

The Three-Minute Psychology website, created by Yi Xinli, offers a comprehensive explanation of the question "What misunderstandings arise between couples with mismatched views of time?"

It is posited that the time perspective of the average woman is biased towards the future, whereas the time perspective of men is often focused on the present. This can give rise to numerous conflicts. It is recommended that Zimbardo's "The Paradox of Time" be consulted, as it provides detailed psychological insights into the concept of time. It also facilitates a deeper comprehension of the discrepancies and misunderstandings that time-related issues can engender, thereby enhancing one's understanding of one's spouse's unique perspective on time.

It is recommended that the aforementioned misunderstandings be eliminated in order to restore the relationship.

It is my sincere hope that this information will prove beneficial. I extend my best wishes to you and your loved ones, and I encourage you to embrace self-love.

Greetings.

After reviewing your description, I can comprehend your perspective.

In your initial statement, you articulated your perspective on the suitability of your husband's part-time employment. You asserted that it may not be the most optimal use of his time and that he should prioritize enhancing his professional qualifications and deepening his expertise. This viewpoint is aligned with the evolving trends and societal demands.

It is commonly acknowledged that knowledge has the potential to alter one's destiny and that it can serve as a determining factor in shaping one's future. In order to achieve more favourable outcomes, it is essential to invest in one's own personal and professional growth. While part-time work may offer the opportunity to enhance one's income, it is ultimately a short-term strategy. In contrast, investing in one's career and advancing in one's professional title represents a long-term commitment.

It can be stated that there is no inherent problem with the thoughts in question. The issue lies with the individuals in question. If these thoughts are applied to oneself, they are more readily conceivable. However, it is an error to apply them to one's spouse.

If an individual elects to exchange manual labor for a higher income, it indicates a lack of interest in "learning." The anticipated future is likely to be characterized by pressure from the other party. The other party may even question the individual's commitment to quality and professionalism, citing the potential for creating benefits while simultaneously taking away from others.

Secondly, in your description, you stated that your spouse believes you have looked down on him since the inception of your marriage. You expressed greater admiration for individuals who have achieved success in their professional endeavors and indicated that your decision to marry him was largely influenced by your age at the time. Additionally, your spouse has expressed feelings of inadequacy in the workplace, even going so far as to describe himself as "trash."

Typically, when I merely discuss the recent activities of my acquaintances with my husband, he perceives that I am contrasting him with these individuals. However, the subjects of our everyday conversations are often trivial and arbitrary, and he is particularly attuned to this and believes that I am deliberately drawing parallels.

From the description provided, it can be discerned that the issue between the two parties is a communication problem. For instance, the husband believes that his wife looks down on him, whereas she admires individuals who have achieved notable success. This perception is not inherently incorrect, and it is also reasonable to set such individuals as a target for hard work. However, the crucial point is to ascertain how to alter the husband's perception. When a spouse unquestioningly shares achievements that the other cannot attain, it can lead to feelings of inferiority. In the absence of romantic feelings, it is unlikely that any verbal expression will elicit a response. Conversely, this indicates that the spouse holds a high value for the other, as otherwise, such feelings of fear and jealousy would not have emerged. If the other party is genuinely inclined to pursue a lifestyle of ease rather than hard work, they would not have taken up a part-time position. This raises the question of whether the expectations placed on the husband are excessive. It may, therefore, be necessary to adjust these expectations to a more realistic level.

It is recommended that the issues between the two parties be resolved and that effective communication be established.

In your description, you stated, "I feel that in fact everyone is mediocre, and there is room for improvement." Given that you are married, it would seem prudent to work together for the future. It appears that communication is an issue, particularly with regard to your differing attitudes toward life.

It is also possible that there is no incentive for him to change. As previously stated, it is accurate to assert that everyone has their own mediocre side. It is, therefore, reasonable to conclude that it is appropriate to be motivated and to hope for a better situation.

Nevertheless, marriage is not merely about striving for a shared objective. It necessitates trust and mutual tolerance.

3. It is essential to learn effective management strategies. 4. It is crucial to establish common goals and shared values.

This will form the foundation of a successful marriage, and it is only on this basis that the couple can work together.

It is recommended that:

1. Prior to any further discussion, it is imperative that effective communication be achieved. Only through the expression of one's true thoughts and the understanding of the other's thoughts can conflicts be avoided.

2. Effective communication can also elucidate any discrepancies in understanding between the parties involved, thereby preventing misunderstandings or misinterpretations from becoming impediments to the development of trust.

3. It is preferable to collaborate with one's partner in setting and achieving shared goals, as this approach facilitates a more effective and mutually beneficial outcome.

The aforementioned content is intended for reference only.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell you're going through a lot right now. But you're also doing an amazing job of recognizing and facing this uncomfortable emotion head-on. Keep up the great work!

You've been married for two years, your husband has a part-time job, and you're ready to help him focus on and improve his work skills and title! However, your husband misunderstood what you meant, always feeling that you look down on him and that you are comparing him to others when you talk about your friends. This makes it a little difficult for you to communicate with him. Is that right?

The picture you painted is a fascinating one! It seems you want your husband to be more motivated and work harder at his career, but he may have a different take on things. This is a great time to reflect on the ways we usually communicate with our husbands. It's an important step!

All relationships are with ourselves! Sometimes we may not notice or perceive the needs behind our husband's emotions. But if we want others to listen to us, we can do it! We can first respect others' feelings and then meet their expectations, so that others can meet our desires.

I've got some great advice for you! My first piece of advice is to learn a good communication model. You'll be amazed at how much this will help you! Then, learn to express your feelings without emotions. This is a fantastic way to show your husband how much you care about him. Finally, be aware of whether your communication style with your husband takes his feelings into account. This is a great way to make sure you're meeting his needs. If you can, use these tips in your communication process!

The truth is, we can't change other people. But we can do our own thing really well, lower our expectations, and from now on, empower and support your husband so that he'll be more confident in doing things. And if he is more confident, he'll be more willing to communicate with you!

Good morning, my name is Xintan Coach Fei Yun. I believe that life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

The discrepancy in sensitivity-and-fragile-heart-1886.html" target="_blank">communication frequency between the couple has resulted in some misunderstandings, prompting a reevaluation of the relationship and the way they interact.

?1. The significance of communication is dependent upon the response of the other party.

It was not your intention to belittle or look down on him, but the other person perceived it that way.

The husband's outburst was not accidental. In your daily conversations, you discuss the latest news of colleagues and acquaintances, as well as your future plans. It is likely that this is a source of stimulation for him.

It is important to note that your words did not cause him harm. However, his sensitivity and low sense of worth were affected. This is related to his upbringing and the parenting style of his parents.

It is therefore important to pay attention to your daily communication and speech, and to take care of his sensitivity to this.

It would be beneficial for the couple to invest more time in getting to know each other and identifying a mutually agreeable way of interacting.

It is important to note that a newly married couple may still have areas of adjustment in terms of interests, hobbies, and living habits, particularly within the first two years of marriage.

In the TV series "In This World," Bing Kun once expressed regret over his relationship with his wife. The two have experienced significant challenges together before reaching a point of being inseparable.

In the case of "Parents' Love," two individuals who are fundamentally incompatible end up growing old together, supporting each other. The fundamental issue is that they respect and nourish each other, and always have the other person in their hearts.

In any case, marriage is an optimal setting for couples to hone their communication skills. By reflecting on oneself through one's partner, one can identify areas for improvement and use the resulting dialogue to enhance mutual understanding, strengthen communication, and enrich the relationship.

It is important to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings. By expressing your true thoughts and feelings, you can avoid misunderstandings and maintain a healthy, connected relationship.

I recommend the following resources: The Five Love Languages, Know How to Love, and It Turns Out Understanding Is More Important Than Love. I hope you will find these materials useful as you navigate the challenges and rewards of a good marriage.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

Should you wish to continue the exchange, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello!

I totally get why the questioner is feeling confused.

After two years of marriage, when there's a lack of communication every time, and even most of the arguments and barriers may be related to "career aspirations" and "achievements," it's only natural for the wife to think that her husband may be "overly sensitive" and feel "difficult to communicate with"...

As these little incidents keep happening, the husband starts to feel more and more like he's being "unappreciated" and "unvalued." It's possible that the wife hasn't been taking care of his feelings, and it's also possible that the husband himself thinks he's "weak."

Then, this kind of inferiority complex may have been brought to him by his wife, or it may be a mindset he inherently possesses, which he has simply projected onto his wife.

For example, a family in which the woman is strong and the man is not as strong, or a family in which the woman is more successful than the man.

It's not that the questioner is trying to make her husband feel worthless. It's just that she's so focused on her own achievements that she sometimes overlooks her husband's feelings. Once her husband realizes this, he naturally feels resentful.

For example, let's say:

I totally get where you're coming from with your thoughts and beliefs. I appreciate people who have achieved something in the workplace more. I think the subtext of "mediocre" is difficult to arouse respect.

On top of that, I love chatting with my husband about the latest news from our friends' homes and the meaning of life, which I truly believe requires hard work. There's absolutely nothing wrong with these thoughts in themselves. However, when discussing with my husband, I may have neglected his position and feelings, thus changing the topic's meaning. Instead of sharing, it becomes my will being forced on him, which I'm sure he didn't mean to happen.

Men and women are different, and that's a good thing! Men tend to think more directly and focus more on goals, while women demand more divergent thinking and expression of feelings. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. If women do not clearly express their demands, men may not understand what they are thinking. Even when they encounter sensitive or irritating points, their sensitivity may be unexpectedly aroused, exaggerating the facts and widening the gap between their understanding and the truth.

One of the trickiest topics to broach is that of financial needs. In a society where the male role is expected to be equivalent to earning power, it's totally understandable that men are reluctant to accept the negative influence of related issues when they are economically disadvantaged.

So, if the questioner thinks that a harmless discussion about money might make the husband feel defensive and protestive before he's ready, how can he accept her views and gain a better understanding of her side of things?

So it's really important to learn how to "listen." That means letting go of any internal prejudices you might have and focusing fully on what the other person is saying.

I know you can do this! The goal might not have changed, but when it comes to talking about finances or other issues, your wife's tone and thoughts will change. You'll still want to put her needs first, but you'll also want to put her independence and feelings first. You'll want to seek her husband's opinion as an "equal." This will help her feel accepted and supported.

So, it's not that the couple's relationship is beyond repair. It's just that they're communicating in different ways, and they could benefit from learning how to respect each other's feelings and needs. And, of course, they'd both like to avoid problems when they encounter them (this is mostly the case with the husband). This way of getting along makes it difficult for the two of them to truly understand each other, and it's challenging for them to establish a relationship of trust and love with each other.

If you can, it's a great idea to talk to an emotional or marriage counselor if you're having intimacy issues. They can help you work through things more directly and effectively. If your issues aren't too serious and you're open to talking things through, you can try reasoning and compromising. The most important thing is that you respect and understand each other. Use harmonious communication to regulate differences and conflicts. In the process, be open and honest about your feelings, while truly respecting the other person. As long as you don't cross the line and hurt each other's feelings, you can still establish a healthy attachment relationship.

It's so important to learn to communicate and express yourself correctly.

Above all, my dear friend,

I wish you all the happiness in the world! ??

Hello. From your description, it's clear that you and your husband disagree on two things: one is your attitude and expectations towards personal career development and pursuits; the other is your relationship. Your husband feels that you look down on him, while you feel misunderstood and aggrieved.

However, I can assure you that the conflicts in an intimate relationship, even if they appear to be about personal beliefs, are still relationship issues at a deeper level.

Psychologist Chen Haixian has this to say about intimate relationships: The core of an intimate relationship is attachment. In an intimate relationship, people become sensitive detectors of attachment messages. People repeatedly seek and express these messages:

"Tell me you care about me."

Tell me, am I important to you?

I need you to respond to my needs.

Tell me you approve of me. Tell me you appreciate me.

Accept me!

"

It's clear that you and your husband both feel aggrieved. You're questioning whether you're the right person to motivate him to change. The underlying emotion is: Am I important enough to you? If you valued me, you'd cooperate with my expectations.

Your husband, on the other hand, expresses his frustration through passive aggression, asking, "Do you want to change me because you don't recognize me or accept me?"

If your partner sends you biased, negative messages, you will feel lost and angry. You will focus on each other's differences and negative emotions, preventing in-depth discussions.

Furthermore, your husband's expression suggests he may have felt inferior and undeserving of you. When he internalizes this, he becomes more sensitive and projects his own beliefs onto you. Despite your well-intentioned proposal for his growth and the family's betterment, he may perceive an imbalance where you are in a superior position and he is in a subordinate one.

He will likely feel rejected and develop a rebellious and resistant attitude.

You should communicate more with your husband about your emotions and relationship. Affirm each other by finding things to be grateful for and appreciating them. Show your care for each other. Once you have established a flow of positive emotions, discuss your willingness and possibility of personal development. Make your partner feel that giving and changing is a kind of love. Love yourself, your partner, and your family. Don't compromise because you are not good enough.

Hello, I'm Evan, a counselor at the fine school.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling a bit confused. It's great that you and your husband have a common goal in your intimate relationship, but it's really important that you both agree on it.

From what you've told us, it seems like you and your husband have different ideas about how to live your lives and what to do with your time outside of work. It's totally normal for couples to have different perspectives on these things! The questioner mentioned that your husband thinks there's no point in his part-time job outside the home, which might be something you're concerned about and have suggested to him. But for him, it might feel like you're denying his need to work and belittling his efforts.

It's totally normal for us all to have different understandings of each other's expectations and communication styles. So, it might be a good idea to choose a gentler and more understanding approach when communicating.

It's so important to recognize that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as their own pace and way to pursue success. In a marriage, it's so crucial to respect each other's personality and choices.

The questioner thinks her husband should focus more on his career, while he might feel that he's found value and satisfaction in his part-time job, or there might be other reasons why he chose to do so. The questioner's husband might feel that she's looked down on him since the beginning of their marriage, which could be due to his internal insecurity or questioning of his self-worth.

In this situation, he may need more understanding and support, not comparison and criticism. Why not try sharing with him some of the things you appreciate about him? That way, he'll feel your support and understanding.

I know it can be tough when it feels like everyday topics are trivial and random. But, these are actually some of the most important ways for couples to enhance their relationship and deepen their understanding. It's totally normal for one person to feel sensitive about these daily exchanges. It's easy to see how they could be seen as comparisons or putdowns. But, at this time, it's so important for both parties to work together to learn to maintain an open and understanding attitude in communication.

It would be great if you could find a more constructive and supportive way to do this. When you're sharing your friends' success stories, you could focus on how much you appreciate their efforts, rather than comparing them to your husband's current situation.

At the same time, the questioner can start by expressing her support and encouragement to her husband. Let him know that you believe in his abilities and that you're ready to grow with him.

I think the question of "striving for the future together" is a great one! It's so important for couples to work on this together. But it's also really important to understand and respect each other's thoughts and feelings along the way.

The questioner can help her husband find his own motivation through support and encouragement, but the ultimate change must come from his own willingness. If you feel that your husband lacks the motivation to change, don't worry! You can try to stimulate his enthusiasm through more communication and understanding.

The questioner can suggest setting some common goals together and encourage each other to work hard for these goals. Of course, these goals should be negotiated and approved by both parties. At the same time, it might be helpful for the questioner to think about whether there is room for improvement in their communication style and attitude.

I'm here to help!

It's so important to communicate and understand each other in a marriage. I really think it would help if the questioner and her husband could find a good time to sit down together and have a really open conversation about what they're thinking and feeling, and try to understand each other's points of view and needs. Then they could work together to find a solution to the problem.

It's so important to be patient and open-minded during this process. It's great to express your feelings and expectations in the "I" language, and it's best to avoid accusations or criticism.

It's so important to explore together your shared goals and values and how you can work together to achieve them. If you feel that there are problems with communication between you, you can absolutely seek help from a third party.

The questioner may want to think about speaking with a marriage counselor. A professional counselor can be a great help in understanding each other better and communicating more effectively.

Finally, I just want to say that marriage is a team effort that requires both of you to work together and to support each other. When you're communicating, it's really important to put yourself in your partner's shoes, to think about what they need, and to be there for them.

I truly believe that with some effective communication and support, the questioner can overcome these challenges with her husband and build a stronger and happier relationship.

I really hope my answer helps!

I'd also like to suggest a few other books that I think you'll find helpful.

I'd like to suggest Nonviolent Communication, which offers a new way of communicating. It aims to help us better understand each other's needs and feelings and avoid conflict and misunderstanding. It can be very helpful in improving your communication.

Intimacy: This book dives deep into all the nitty-gritty details of what can sometimes be tricky aspects of relationships, like communication, understanding, and trust. It offers practical advice and helpful methods to help you better understand and manage your relationship.

How to Listen So They'll Talk and How to Talk So They'll Listen: This book is all about listening and speaking skills in interpersonal communication. It'll help you express yourself more effectively in intimate relationships and truly hear the other person. It can be really helpful for you to improve your communication skills!

Deep Impact: This book is all about the importance of influence in our relationships and how we can use our words and actions to make a positive impact. If you're looking for ways to motivate your partner to embrace a new attitude or behavior, this book might have some helpful tips!

Love at Sunset: This is a novel, but it's so good! It really shows the complicated and true feelings between couples. Reading it might help you understand each other better.

The argument may not be contingent on the number of years the couple has been married; rather, it may be a manifestation of a divergence in values between the two individuals.

From the content of the question, it can be discerned that the questioner is a person who has aspirations and expectations for themselves and for their lives. There is nothing inherently problematic with this. It is reasonable to pursue the good, and this is arguably the purpose of life's challenges.

It would be interesting to ascertain whether my husband shares the same beliefs. If he does not, it would be worthwhile to consider whether the questioner may unintentionally impose them on her husband in their daily lives.

Your husband misinterpreted your optimistic and driven discourse on the potential for you to construct your lives together as a form of criticism, which evoked feelings of resentment and anger in you. Concurrently, your husband also experienced feelings of frustration and helplessness.

He may even have to confront the argument by engaging in self-reflection. While arguments are inherently challenging, they offer a valuable opportunity for relationship enhancement.

If I were the questioner, I would endeavor to do the following two things:

1. Adopt the perspective of the other person. If you were your husband, how would you feel if you heard those words? What situation is he facing?

If he wishes to continue to improve, what difficulties might he encounter and what resources might he require? What assistance can you provide?

It is important to concede in a manner that is compatible with the other person's perspective. For instance, if the other person is more goal-oriented, it would be more effective to communicate directly with them about the desired outcome. It is essential to recognize that the other person's subsequent response is a reflection of their own choice.

2. It would be beneficial to consider this issue without your husband's input. It may be helpful to clarify your own objectives and to recognize that your actions are not solely motivated by a desire to benefit your husband or to improve the quality of your lives together. If you can identify your own goals and intentions, you will be better equipped to navigate this situation and to move forward in a way that is beneficial for you.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question, and that the issues they are facing can be resolved in a straightforward manner, allowing them to enjoy a smooth and fulfilling life. I extend my gratitude to all those who have contributed to this endeavour.

Hello! I'm a Heart Exploration coach.

I read your problems on the platform. Are you having problems with marriage management? You said you have been married for two years, don't want to work part-time, and want to improve yourself. He feels you look down on him, appreciate people who have achieved something, and married unwillingly. He believes he can't make progress and says he is worthless.

You shared the latest news about your friends with him, and he felt you were comparing him to them. Everyday topics are trivial and random. He is sensitive and feels you're comparing. Shouldn't you work together for the future?

Do you find it difficult to communicate? Or is there no incentive for him to change? My advice is to stop worrying and communicate properly.

Let me help you sort things out.

1. Find out why.

Calm down.

2. Find a solution.

After effective communication, it is time to solve the immediate problem. You can communicate and negotiate with him, propose solutions, and change how you interact. The most important thing is to show your husband care and respect. Listen to his thoughts and needs, and be open to different solutions.

3. Be more understanding and respectful.

If you feel there are problems between you, do some self-reflection. After communicating, you may understand your husband better. You can also express more support and encouragement to him. The key to relationships is understanding and respect. When he faces challenges at work, give him moral support and help. This will improve your relationship.

4. Work together and grow together.

You are not wrong. A family is for two people. You must work with your husband to find ways to grow and develop together. Work hard to improve yourself and your family. Don't doubt, this is the best ending.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, you can contact me via my personal homepage. I'm here to help.

Effective communication is essential in a marriage. It appears that you and your husband are currently experiencing communication difficulties. You desire his professional and personal growth, yet he seems frustrated and believes you are dismissive of him.

Effective communication in this situation requires a more nuanced approach.

Firstly, the extent to which you can influence him and his motivation to change depends on the nature of the relationship and the emotional depth between you. It is important to recognise that while external influences, including encouragement and suggestions from a partner, can play a role in supporting motivation to change, ultimately, the motivation to change must come from within.

It is not within your power to unilaterally decide whether he should change or whether he should change because of you.

Secondly, you indicated that he is sensitive to the friends you share with and believes you are comparing him unfavorably. This may reflect a deeper-seated unease and inferiority complex.

In this situation, it is important to be mindful of the language and tone you use to ensure that you do not unintentionally create pressure or misunderstanding.

The following suggestions are offered for improving the situation:

Listen and understand. When communicating, take the time to listen to the other person's thoughts and feelings and try to understand their perspective. This will help you better grasp their state of mind and communicate more effectively.

Provide positive reinforcement when he mentions his shortcomings. Encourage him to identify his strengths and potential. Avoid using disparaging or mocking remarks, as this will only exacerbate his sense of failure.

Common goals: Establish shared objectives, such as improving quality of life or family financial planning, to facilitate collaboration and enhance cohesion.

Should you encounter difficulties in making progress in your communication, we advise you to seek the assistance of a marriage counselor or psychologist. These professionals are equipped to provide more specific advice and guidance, which will help you improve your communication and solve problems.

It is important to remember that change requires time and patience. While immediate change is not expected, it is possible to gradually guide the individual towards a more positive and confident attitude through continuous communication and effort.

Furthermore, it is important to maintain confidence in yourself and be patient, with the belief that you can overcome the current difficulties together and create a better future.

Hello, question asker!

You say, "He thinks I looked down on him from the start of our marriage. I admire someone who has achieved something in the workplace more, and I married him only because I was getting older." That seems like a very important message!

If this is something that comes from the heart, then the current situation is a foreshadowing of what was already there at the beginning of the marriage. It's so important to find out why he feels this way. There must be some incident that you have overlooked, but he has seen and remembered.

These days, he's really attuned to the content of everyday conversations. He also says some self-deprecating things, like "saying that he is a piece of trash." These are also important signals that reveal he's suffering inside, too. Right now, you don't understand each other, and it can be said that you're both suffering.

In fact, this is a great chance to clear away any obstacles and really bring the relationship to the next level!

"Or is it that I myself simply don't motivate him to change?" This should be your biggest question. You feel: he doesn't love you, he won't work hard for you, your sense of worth is being challenged, you feel aggrieved! It's totally understandable. We all want love, don't we?

I don't think this question is that important. Just suppose he says, "I will work hard for you, and all my efforts are for you."

I really hope you're at peace. It's probably just a game of control and domination played in the name of "for you."

It's also really important to communicate deeply and thoroughly with each other about the idea of working together in the future. Even if we don't agree on everything, there's no regret for having tried!

I really hope these are helpful, they're just my personal views.

Thank you so much for your question!

Hello!

A good marriage requires each person to grow individually. In marriage, 1+1 does not equal 2.

But everyone feels differently about it. They come from different families and grow up in different environments.

People see things differently.

But people see things differently. We have to accept this.

Communication and agreement.

Teacher Li Zhongying said,

One person can't change another.

You can't change someone unless they want to change. If you want to change them, don't try.

There are different ways to communicate in a relationship.

(1) Talk sincerely.

Support your spouse, even if they don't do everything right.

Don't criticize or complain about your partner.

Don't ridicule your partner.

(5) Don't nag.

(6) Don't pry.

(7) Don't bargain.

Marriage also goes through different stages.

The early stages of marriage are romantic and sweet. Couples focus on the good and ignore the bad.

The grinding period is when couples discover each other's flaws, leading to disappointment and conflict.

The couple supports each other and shares responsibility for the elderly and the young.

Children have left home to work and study. They have changed their goals and values. They are partners and value each other.

Maturity: They have been through a lot together and understand and trust each other.

Good day. I appreciate the opportunity to address your concerns. It is evident that there are discrepancies in your and your husband's interpretations of certain matters during your communication. Additionally, you have expressed feelings of difficulty in communicating and a sense of discontentment and misunderstanding.

In a couple's life together, due to the differences in their upbringing and experiences, there will be significant differences in their views and understanding of things. This is a common challenge that all couples will encounter. The key is to identify ways to facilitate more effective communication between the two sides, which may require developing specific skills.

Firstly, it is essential to effectively manage your emotions in both your personal and professional lives. This does not entail repressing emotions, but rather...

Secondly, in order to facilitate effective communication, it is essential to empathise with the other person. By articulating the facts and expressing your feelings, you can create an environment where the other person is willing to share their true feelings with you.

Third, it is important to allow for differing views on matters between you and your spouse. It is also crucial to accept that your spouse may not always work in the direction you think is right. By allowing for these differences, you can maintain a positive and constructive relationship. It is also important to recognise that your spouse may have different views and advantages to you. By giving your spouse full trust, you can influence them through your actions, rather than trying to directly change them. Attempting to change your spouse may lead to feelings of disapproval and a lack of recognition. As you have mentioned, you may feel that you look down on your spouse. This can lead to a reluctance to communicate and engage in positive change.

It is recommended that you read The Five Love Languages.

Dear Question Asker,

From the information provided, it can be inferred that you wish to enhance your relationship with your husband, hold yourself to high standards, and encourage his motivation.

Dissatisfaction with one's partner can be a manifestation of underlying dissatisfaction with oneself.

The counsel you proffered to him effectively nullified his resolution. This resulted in a sense of inadequacy.

It is possible that he agrees with you, but due to his emotional state and feelings of rejection, even your advice may seem harsh to him.

He experiences a sense of rejection and criticism on a regular basis.

It would be beneficial to reflect on one's own experiences. Have you ever been rejected or subjected to negative treatment? How did you feel in those situations?

It would be inadvisable to pursue this course of action.

It would be inaccurate to suggest that you are the optimal candidate for this role.

The child of So-and-So is of a notably high caliber.

Furthermore, individuals may engage in self-comparison and self-rejection, which can lead to the establishment of elevated personal standards. This can result in a tendency to overlook the present and to forego the enjoyment of the moment.

It is important to note that even if one is in a partnership, the only person who can truly change is oneself. If one makes an effort to improve oneself, it is possible that one's partner may also improve as a result of this influence. Similarly, if one accepts one's partner, it may encourage them to be more motivated to change.

What type of future do you envision for yourself?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your husband shares this vision of the future.

If a common goal is shared, then complacency on his part is truly intolerable.

However, if this is the sole objective, it may result in feelings of disengagement and passivity on the part of the husband.

It would be beneficial to identify sources of happiness in one's current circumstances, to accept and encourage one's partner, and to facilitate a greater sense of motivation in the latter.

I wish you the best of luck!

When addressing communication issues with one's spouse, it is essential to comprehend their perspective and emotional state. Initially, it is vital to identify the underlying cause of the lack of motivation exhibited by one's husband.

It is possible that he believes his abilities are limited and that no amount of effort will help, which could result in a sense of hopelessness about career advancement. Alternatively, he may simply be unwilling to change due to laziness or a desire to remain in his comfort zone. In this case, it is essential to ascertain his genuine thoughts and concerns through active listening and empathetic understanding.

Secondly, when discussing sensitive topics, it is essential to select an appropriate time and approach. One can foster a relaxed and open atmosphere, eschewing accusations and criticism, and instead adopting a stance of understanding and support.

It is important to express expectations in a personalized way and to allow one's partner sufficient space to express his or her innermost thoughts. It is essential to respect each other's choices and decisions and to work together to identify solutions that will facilitate more effective communication.

Thirdly, in the event that the husband is resistant to change, it is essential to accept the status quo and adjust one's mentality accordingly. This does not imply acquiescence to his expectations, but rather the capacity to comprehend and accommodate his choices.

It may be beneficial to identify alternative methods of motivation and collaborate in identifying shared joys and common goals to enhance the stability and quality of the relationship. It is crucial to comprehend and accept each other's limitations, preventing challenges from becoming insurmountable obstacles. Instead, it is essential to pursue a path of mutual growth and understanding.

Communication and understanding are of paramount importance when confronted with challenges. By listening attentively, demonstrating empathy, and being accommodating, it is possible to overcome difficulties collectively. In such circumstances, it may be beneficial to employ the following methods to facilitate effective communication and understanding with one's spouse:

First, it is essential to establish positive communication habits. This can be achieved by setting aside dedicated time on a regular basis to engage in discussions about each other's feelings, expectations, and goals.

Regular communication can facilitate mutual understanding, the identification of shared values and goals, and thus enhance the capacity to provide support and motivation to one another.

Secondly, it is recommended that the husband be encouraged to participate in the decision-making process. By doing so, it can be expected that his opinions and choices will be regarded as important to the family, which will in turn enhance his sense of responsibility and initiative, and inspire him to be more motivated and driven to make changes.

Furthermore, it is possible to collaborate with one's partner to establish attainable objectives and strategies and to strive assiduously to attain them. By formulating goals and developing a plan for the future together with one's spouse, it is possible to enhance one's sense of teamwork, inspire hope and motivation for the future, and facilitate one's partner's perception of the importance of growing together.

It is of the utmost importance to maintain love and respect in any relationship. Regardless of the difficulties and challenges that may arise, it is essential to offer support and tolerance to one's partner, based on a foundation of love and understanding.

It is essential to respect each other's choices and decisions and to continually enhance one's tolerance and comprehension, thereby fostering a stronger and more enduring relationship.

It is inevitable that every relationship will encounter a series of trials and challenges. The crucial factor is the ability to comprehend each other's perspectives and provide mutual support in overcoming adversity and fostering growth. It is my hope that you will be able to achieve a balance through communication and embark on a path towards a brighter future together.

It is my sincere hope that your relationship will continue to flourish and bring you ever-increasing joy and contentment.

Hello, question asker! I'm Ping'er, your consultant. You are a very successful woman who can put pressure on your husband. You "believe that his part-time job outside the home is meaningless, and that it would be better to spend more time deepening and improving himself in terms of professional titles and expertise." You are also a very intelligent, far-sighted, and wise woman.

Oh my goodness, has this ever happened before? I'm just wondering if this is the first time you and your husband have suddenly exploded and started complaining like this after two years of marriage, or has it happened before?

Everyone has a different personality, and that's what makes us all special! Is your husband an introvert or a sensitive soul who doesn't usually express his thoughts?

You've been married for two years now, and it's totally normal to have a few hiccups during the period of formal mutual adjustment.

You are absolutely amazing in every way! The friends you surround yourself with are all super successful people, which gives your husband a great example to follow.

First, he is working part-time in addition to his regular job, which is a great sign that your husband is motivated and trying to earn money to support the family and make your life better. He has always taken you as his motivation and standard and tried to get close to you, which is a wonderful thing to see!

Second, he is working part-time in his spare time, which is great! However, your comment that this is "pointless" and your total rejection of his efforts, as well as your comment that he should "...improve himself" make him feel that you look down on him, which is not the case at all! This is causing him to start to doubt himself, which is something we can easily fix.

Third, "Or is it that I myself simply have no motivation to change him?" If you are trying to change him, you may be disappointed. But don't worry! As the old saying goes, "It is hard to change one's nature." If he himself does not want to change, no one else can. So, let's focus on the positive!

If you want him to do things your way, you can make a few adjustments yourself, and your little family will become happier and happier!

First, it's time to identify the obstacles in your marriage and conquer them!

Let's avoid disrespect, attacks, criticism, and denial!

Secondly, you can easily avoid these problems with just a little adjustment in your communication skills!

First, lower your tone of voice and give him more affirmation in your conversations and actions: "You're in charge," "You're the head of the family, I'll listen to you," "You're right," etc. If it's not a matter of principle, let go and let him do it. What will happen?

Second, we must "seek common ground while reserving differences." It's not realistic to think that two people can think and act in exactly the same way. Even parents, siblings, relatives, friends, girlfriends, and colleagues can't do that. But we can try to "seek common ground while reserving differences" in order to go far together!

Third, if you put yourself in his shoes, would he consider your suggestion? For example, instead of saying, "There's no point in taking a part-time job," you could say, "Honey, you don't even have time to play anymore since you started working part-time. I don't want you to work so hard, it hurts to watch. You spend less time with me. Why don't you quit the part-time job and spend some time on your professional development? If you succeed, your salary will go up, just like if you work part-time. You don't have to work so hard." "Honey, you're so good at taking care of our family, I have to learn from you. You work so hard, it hurts me. How much more will your salary go up if you get the title? I'm sure you'll get it, and then you won't have to work part-time anymore and won't have to work so hard." Rainbow farts are still appreciated. They cost nothing, and men, women, the elderly and children all like them. Why not? If he's happy, you'll be happy too. How could the family atmosphere be bad? It's hard to be unhappy.

Once again, this argument is not a bad thing! It shows where adjustments need to be made, which is great because it means we can make things even better.

If you handle it well, it will enhance your relationship! If you don't handle it well, it will cause trouble. The decision on which direction to take is still yours!

I've got some great advice for you! Your husband might be feeling a bit remorseful at the moment, but because he's a strong man, he's holding on to his pride and not letting go. He's also feeling a bit aggrieved, but he doesn't know where to turn. So, it's time for you to have a chat with your husband! Let's get started! Honey, do you think arguing is a good thing or a bad thing? (This will get his thinking cap on.) I think this argument is a good thing! I learned during this argument that I, who usually speak my mind and don't always think about the consequences, hurt you with my words. I really didn't mean to. I was inconsiderate. My original intention was not to make you work so hard. You're an amazing person! You excel in your field of expertise and are so outstanding and talented that you are a national asset and the pride of me and your parents. I only took a part-time job so that we could have a better life. Isn't that holding you back?

Through this argument, I also realized that the two of us lack effective communication and exchange. Let's work together to adjust, shall we? I'm excited to see what we can achieve!