My mom doesn't like my boyfriend, and we've gone underground. What should I do?

An understanding of the human mind allows us to recognize the value of sharing as a habit. In this case, I am engaging in self-reflection.

In such a situation, it is reasonable to posit that the questioner is experiencing a complex emotional state, comprising sentiments towards both the maternal figure who raised her and the romantic partner with whom she is deeply in love. The decision to sever ties with this individual is likely to be a challenging one.

The purpose of this discourse is to present my personal experiences regarding romantic relationships during a specific period of my life, with the intention of providing insight that may be beneficial to others.

The majority of parents exhibit emotional obstruction due to their hope that their children can have a superior home.

It is possible that the questioner still harbors some resentment towards her mother for her coercive actions. One might inquire, "We are both doing well, and you should be happy for us as parents. So, why are you being so difficult and inconsiderate?"

One might inquire whether it is necessary for parents to witness their daughter marrying a person they do not approve of before they can be considered happy. It can be argued that these are not merely questions posed by you, but rather, they are questions that the majority of children who encounter such difficulties are also asking.

In light of my own experience as a parent, I am prompted to reflect on the reasons behind my mother-in-law's strong opposition to my wife's marriage. It is a common hope among parents that their children will find a good home.

It is reasonable to conclude that marriage is a significant undertaking, and that parents may therefore have certain expectations regarding their children's choice of partner. However, it is also important to recognise that, at this particular stage of life, young people may not fully comprehend the implications of such a decision. For a young woman, the decision to marry should not be based solely on romantic feelings or the assumption that her partner will treat her well.

While love is undoubtedly romantic and wonderful, it is also prudent to anticipate certain expectations in a marriage. The aforementioned three views, along with the romantic aspect and the partner's positive treatment of the individual, are undoubtedly crucial elements in a happy love relationship. However, when one confronts the reality of marriage, there is a notable distinction between love and marriage.

It is therefore advisable to listen to one's parents' advice and concerns with an open mind. If there are any aspects of their advice that one does not agree with, it is important to find an appropriate opportunity to calmly discuss the matter with one's mother. It is unproductive to hold one's opinions and insist on one's own way. Problems will always have to be solved. Regardless of one's initial reluctance or opposition, one's mother will ultimately consider things from one's perspective. While she may not be able to change her mind immediately, ultimately, her greatest happiness will be in seeing one happy.

One might inquire as to why an individual at times presents another with a one-sided perception. This phenomenon can be attributed to a lack of self-disclosure.

It would be advisable to communicate with your boyfriend about this matter. From the current situation, it seems that your mother simply does not approve of your relationship. However, it should be noted that ultimately, your boyfriend will also need to work with you to gain your mother's approval and consent.

Your mother does not hold a high opinion of his profession. From the perspective of our parents, their generation may subconsciously harbor numerous prejudices about career choices, and they will have a pronounced sense of career orientation.

One must not assume that every action has a future consequence or that no action will have future consequences. To alter this line of thinking, one must deliberately guide their daily communication with their mother and illustrate it with the success stories of individuals they know.

It is similarly crucial that your partner demonstrates a strong work ethic and showcases their abilities. Ultimately, strength is the most compelling argument. Permitting your mother to witness his potential is akin to perceiving hope.

This is analogous to a person who asserts that durians are unpleasant and unappetizing. If one wishes to alter this individual's perception of durians, it is necessary to at least allow them to sample the fruit. Until they do so, it is not possible to ascertain with certainty whether they will develop a positive opinion of it.

Therefore, it can be reasonably asserted that everything is changeable, including your mother's prejudice against him. However, this requires the joint efforts and wisdom of the two of you.

It is imperative not to harbor resentment towards any individual. These vicissitudes may facilitate a more rational perspective on the relationship.

In the context of romantic relationships, it is rare for individuals to experience a seamless journey devoid of challenges and difficulties. Setbacks are an inherent aspect of this journey, and when they arise, it is crucial to maintain a balanced perspective and avoid succumbing to resentment or anger. It is essential to recognize that every situation possesses two dimensions, and that absolute good or absolute bad do not exist.

These vicissitudes are akin to minor episodes along the journey of love, rendering the relationship all the more endearing and exceptional.

At this juncture, one might select this relationship based on the aforementioned factors: a shared worldview, an unspoken understanding, a positive relationship dynamic, and so forth. One's current preferences and pursuits reflect a current perspective. One's present circumstances and age may limit one's ability to fully comprehend one's own needs.

On one occasion, I made a jest to my wife, inquiring as to whether she would still select me as her partner if we had met in the present era. I postulate that her response would have been affirmative, although not without reservation.

It should be noted that there is an unchangeable premise before answering this question: the individual is not the same person they were ten years ago. It can be stated with certainty that if time could be reversed, the same choice would still be made.

Consequently, when confronted with this relationship and confronted with the prospect of navigating some challenging issues, it is not inherently problematic. The individual in question may facilitate a more nuanced perception of the love in question, prompting a more reflective examination of one's feelings and a subsequent rationalization of one's decision.

In conclusion,

The optimal method for overcoming one's parents' biases is to transcend them.

The optimal method for overcoming one's parents' narrow-mindedness is to lead a rich and fulfilling life.

It is my sincere hope that all individuals in romantic relationships will eventually form a couple.

Let's give the original poster a big, warm hug first!

She likes her boyfriend, but her mother doesn't approve of him and strongly objects, going so far as to threaten to cut off her relationship with her daughter and commit suicide. It really makes people feel unappreciated and especially irritated. Now that you've gone underground, you must be going through a lot psychologically. First of all, I want to give you a hug. It must be really hard to be caught in the middle and bear the pressure from both sides. But you're going to get through this!

Let's dive right in and talk about your relationship with your mother!

In fact, there is not enough information, and it is not complete. But just from the descriptions of "being pressured by my mother," "having an emotional distance from my parents," and "being strongly opposed to it, to the point of threatening to cut off my relationship with my mother and commit suicide," it seems that your mother is a particularly strong person. It's clear that you can never win against her, but you can learn to live with it!

I can feel that your mother's decision has put a lot of pressure on you, but it seems that you actually really long for your mother's approval and understanding. This makes you feel conflicted, but it also makes you feel like you have the opportunity to change things for the better! On the one hand, you long for your mother's love, but on the other hand, because of your mother's strong personality, you have to bear a lot of pressure and suppress your true inner thoughts. This has led to your inability to stand on your own two feet, because you can't make decisions on your own and can't take responsibility. But you can! You just need to start taking responsibility for your own decisions and taking ownership of your actions. Once you do that, you'll be able to stand on your own two feet and take on this responsibility with confidence. And when you do that, you'll be able to fight with your mother and come out on the other side stronger and wiser.

From my personal point of view, this relationship has so much potential for growth! It seems to be an unequal one right now, and you are being suppressed a lot. The more unequal the relationship, the greater the force that will erupt once there is a problem.

So you can take a step back and see if you can make the relationship a little more equal!

And your relationship with your boyfriend is going really well!

"During college, I had some emotional problems, but after I met him, I was totally healed by his warmth! The two of us have an amazing relationship, our worldviews are similar, and communication goes so smoothly."

It's so great to see how happy you are with him and how much you love your relationship!

But marriage is not exactly the same as being in love. It's a whole new adventure! You'll face a lot of trivial matters after getting married, but it's all part of the journey. So from this perspective, the two of you can also talk about your plans for the future and see what possibilities there are.

And there's more! You can also observe your boyfriend from multiple perspectives to see if he is someone you can trust with your life.

And now for the fun part: how to communicate with your mother!

Your mother has some concerns about your boyfriend's job, but it's possible she's also worried about her own future. It's great that you're able to have these conversations with her. Your parents work in a small county enterprise and institution, and they have a good income and status, so they do have the capital to "choose."

Absolutely! You can definitely try to ask your mother about the possible reasons for her worries, one by one, and write them down. Then, for each item, imagine the worst-case scenario and whether you can accept it.

Once you've finished sorting things out, it's time for the fun part! Write down in words what you want and expect, and then have an open and in-depth discussion with your mother.

For example, if your mother is worried about his unstable income, there's definitely a way you can help! You can use your tangka skills to do some part-time work in addition to your regular job, making short videos and so on.

Here's why it's a great idea to write it down rather than say it out loud! 1. Writing it down will help you think more clearly and make it easier to stay focused on your thoughts. 2. It's more likely that they'll read it than listen to it, so you can really take your time and make sure you've got it all down on paper.

It would be great if you could let your mother understand your true thoughts!

Your personal opinions are just that—opinions! They're for reference only. And I wish you nothing but happiness!

Dear questioner,

1. You find yourself in a position where your family and your love life are at odds with one another.

2. "Last year, I was encouraged by my mother to resign and return to work at the bank in a small county town. My mother had reservations about the work, believing it lacked long-term potential, and expressed her opposition, even going so far as to suggest that our relationship might suffer as a result.

It seems that your mother has been quite controlling in both your work and your love life. At the age of 24, you were encouraged to resign from your job and return to work in a small county, which you did under your mother's guidance. At the age of 25, you were advised to go underground in your relationship, which you did at your mother's request.

It appears that your mother may have a significant influence on your life, and that you may find it challenging to assert your own needs and desires.

At 3.25 years old, you are an adult, but it seems that your mother is somewhat intrusive and controlling in your personal matters, perhaps without clear boundaries. I believe you have also struggled with this, but have given in under the threat of "cutting off the mother-daughter relationship and committing suicide."

It would be interesting to know more about your upbringing. Did your mother tend to say no to everything when you were young?

It's possible that you were a good girl since childhood, but this may have resulted in you neglecting your genuine needs, which could be a contributing factor to your emotional distance from your parents.

We will not be delving into the reasons behind your mother's approach to your relationship and her level of control.

4. "I experienced some emotional challenges during my college years. After I met him, I was fortunate to find solace in his warmth. We have a strong connection, our perspectives align, and we communicate effectively."

From what I can gather, it seems that you are nurtured in your relationship with your boyfriend.

5. It is encouraging to see that you have started to recognize the challenges you are facing, rather than fully aligning with your mother's perspective. By turning the relationship into a more private, indirect one, you have demonstrated a willingness to stand up for your needs and boundaries, even when it might not be easy.

6. I hope my suggestions will be helpful.

(1) It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your family history, including that of your parents, as well as your own personal growth journey. It could also be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of your mother's personality traits and the impact of your upbringing on your current self.

(2) It would be beneficial to focus on self-growth, establishing your own boundaries, and achieving individual separation from your parents.

(3) If circumstances allow, you may wish to consider seeking the support of a counselor to accompany you on your journey of growth.

Hello, question asker!

I totally get where you're coming from. I know your mom doesn't like your boyfriend, so you've turned your relationship with him into an underground affair. But this isn't a long-term solution. I know you're feeling stuck and unsure of what to do. Let's take a look at some options together:

I totally get where you're coming from. I know your mom doesn't like your boyfriend, so you've kept your relationship with him on the down low. But this isn't a long-term solution. You're in a tough spot and not sure what to do. Let's take a look together:

"Last year, I was really struggling with my decision, but my mom was really pushing me to go back to work at the local bank. So, I did it."

"Last year, I was under a lot of pressure from my mom to resign and return to work at a small county bank."

It's clear that the questioner values her mother's advice and ideas a great deal. Despite her own wishes, she often finds herself compromising in a way that resembles her mother's.

It's clear that the questioner values her mother's advice and ideas a great deal. Despite her own wishes, she often finds herself compromising in a way that resembles her mother's.

It might be the mother's strength or the fact that they don't want to make their mother sad that makes them repeatedly compromise themselves. But it's so important for them to understand that they and their mother are two independent individuals with their own life trajectories.

It might be that the mother's strength or the fact that they don't want to make their mother sad makes them compromise themselves again and again. But it would be really helpful for them to understand that they and their mother are two independent individuals, each with their own life path.

"I lived in a boarding school for a long time, and I have a somewhat distant emotional relationship with my parents, but I love them very much."

I think the best thing you can do is have a good, honest chat with your parents. It's so important to communicate with them, especially when you're feeling distant. It might help to start by explaining your situation to them. They'

I think it might be because there's a bit of a distance emotionally, which has led to times when things or emotions, thoughts aren't communicated with parents in a timely manner, which in turn deepens the emotional distance. So it's time to sit down and have a good chat with your parents, but don't be too hasty, it takes a process.

I think it might be because there's a bit of a distance emotionally, which has led to times when things or emotions and thoughts haven't been communicated to your parents in a timely manner, which in turn deepens the emotional distance. So it's time to sit down and have a good chat with your parents, but don't be too impatient. This needs a process, so take your time.

"But my mom doesn't approve of his job and thinks he has no future, so she's not too keen on the idea."

I totally get it. Your mom is just looking out for you, and I'm sure she has your best interests at heart.

It's so important to make sure the reason behind it is clear to the questioner. The mother just wants you to be happy, and is afraid that he has an unstable job or no future prospects. She is worried about your future life and afraid that you will not be happy and suffer.

It's so important to understand why she's feeling this way. I'm sure your mom just wants you to be happy. She's worried about your future and wants to make sure you have a good life.

Even though the methods might seem a bit extreme, they're really just meant to be for your own good, from her perspective. It's also possible that she doesn't know your boyfriend that well, so you might need to step in and help out a bit.

Let's take a closer look at how you can make some adjustments.

Let's talk about how to communicate with your mother.

I can see that your mom still loves you very much, but her approach might come across as a bit controlling. It could also be a result of a lack of security. You can talk to her about your standards for choosing a spouse and how your boyfriend makes you feel.

It's clear that your mother still loves you very much, but her approach might come across as a bit controlling. It could also be a result of a lack of security. You can talk to your mother about the qualities you look for in a spouse and the warmth, healing, and feelings your boyfriend brings you.

I really hope my mom can see that you're a grown-up now, not the little girl she used to know. It would be great if she could feel at ease about letting you go with your boyfriend.

I really hope my mom can see that you're a grown-up now, not that little girl she used to know. Once she knows you're taking responsibility for your own life, I'm sure she'll feel much more at ease about letting you go with your boyfriend.

Communication with Dad

I know it can be tough to talk to your mom about these things, but I'm here to help! Sometimes, it's easier to talk to your dad first. You can ask him to pay more attention to your mom, or you can use him as an intermediary to convey your feelings. Either way, I'm here to support you!

It can be tough to talk to your mom about certain things, so you might find it helpful to use your dad as an intermediary to share your feelings. You could also ask your dad to give your mom more attention. Who knows? Maybe after your mom redirects some of her energy towards your dad, things will start to look up!

Then, she can also experience the kind of feeling of being warmed and healed that your boyfriend brings you, and she can also feel similar emotions on Dad's side. This will help her feel at ease about handing you over to your boyfriend.

Then, she'll be able to experience the wonderful feeling of being warmed and healed by your boyfriend, and she'll also feel similar emotions from your father. Then she'll be totally at ease about entrusting you to your boyfriend!

Communication with her boyfriend

It's so important to keep the lines of communication open with your mom's boyfriend.

I'm here to help!

Have a chat with your boyfriend about your parents' attitude and what your mum is thinking. It might be that your mum's dream job isn't currently on the table, but it'd be great for her to see that your boyfriend is super driven and cares about other people.

Have a chat with your boyfriend about your parents' attitude and what your mum is thinking. It might be that your mum's dream job isn't currently on the table, but it'd be great for her to see that your boyfriend is super driven and cares about other people.

Then there's the question of what qualities the mother's ideal boyfriend has, as well as some of her interests and hobbies, etc., which the boyfriend can show off a little to enhance the good impression.

And then there's the question of what qualities the mother's ideal boyfriend has, as well as some of her interests and hobbies, etc. Don't be shy about showing off a little to enhance the good impression!

Of course, relationships are not just about one person. It's so important to communicate and discuss more with your boyfriend, or even the two families. You can also listen to the experiences of friends and people who have been there before. But I truly believe that as long as you are determined with this person, the difficulties in front of you can definitely be overcome. Just think of it as a test of your relationship. You've got this!

I really hope my answer helps! Wishing you all the best!

I really hope my answer helps the original poster! Wishing you all the best!

Greetings, I have located the message you sent.

I can discern a certain degree of confusion on your part.

It is evident that your mother's perception of your circumstances is influenced by her expectations, regardless of the actual circumstances. Regardless of the quality of your personal conditions, whether favorable or unfavorable, your mother's perspective is that they are optimal. You have heeded your mother's advice and terminated your employment to become a full-time caregiver for her. It is reasonable to conclude that your relationship with your mother remains amicable.

Although your mother's behavior in your romantic and marital relationships is somewhat extreme and undesirable, her intentions are benevolent, and she is merely considering your future happiness. Given that your mother is a woman, it is genetically encoded in women to value money.

This is due to the fact that women are responsible for raising future generations and themselves. What are mothers worried about?

Are you concerned that your future happiness is in doubt? Do you believe that your current romantic partner is unable to provide you with a happy future?

The economy encompasses not only financial considerations but also broader issues such as education and motivation. While education is not the sole means of assessing ability, it does serve as a proxy for learning capacity during one's academic years.

In the Chinese social context, academic qualifications are a person's future earning power. This is a key factor in determining one's financial status and future prospects.

Let us consider the phenomenon of ambition in the context of contemporary romantic and marital relationships. It is a widely held belief that women are particularly realistic and driven by a desire for financial security.

Indeed, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, an explanation that is perfectly coherent with the available evidence can be provided. This is to the effect that, throughout the course of human history, a significant proportion of women have paid close attention to the resources that a potential partner could offer in terms of providing for their offspring.

The issue is one of financial capability and economic stability. It is therefore unsurprising that women who do not prioritize the nurturing of resources for their children's survival are unlikely to pass on their genes.

If a species is unable to survive, it will become extinct.

In modern society, the resources for raising children are largely represented by financial capital. As a result, it is unsurprising that mothers, as women, tend to value financial resources and wealth. Similarly, it is to be expected that they will value academic qualifications and motivation.

It would be beneficial to consider your boyfriend's personal circumstances in order to gain insight into your mother's behaviour.

Mothers are concerned about their children's future prospects.

In real life, it can be observed that many women find it challenging to tolerate a husband who lacks motivation. Regardless of financial status, social standing, or lack of qualifications, motivation is a crucial factor. What is expected is to see the husband exerting effort, even if the outcome is not immediately apparent. The sentiment of "I will endure the difficulties alongside you" is often expressed.

However, if the individual in question is unwilling to improve themselves, this can be a challenging aspect of their character to accept.

It is frequently observed that women experience distress when their husbands engage in leisure activities such as gaming at home. Similarly, prolonged television viewing or reading of fiction can evoke feelings of unease.

However, many women report that they find it acceptable and even attractive when their husband reads a professional book, even if he is reading it in an unconventional setting, such as on the toilet.

What is the reality of your boyfriend's situation? Additionally, how does your mother feel about it?

What measures might your boyfriend take to facilitate your mother's acceptance of you? Have you considered such possibilities?

How might the tension be alleviated? It is presumed that a response to this question will be forthcoming.

Parents are the only individuals with whom one shares a blood relationship.

This personal opinion is offered for consideration and reference only.

Hello. I'm a heart coach. Everything is easy. I can see that you have problems in your romantic relationships. Your mother doesn't like your boyfriend and says he has no future. She even threatens to end your relationship. I can see that you are confused, and I will try to help you.

1. Inner conflicts

You say you lived in a boarding school for a long time. Did your parents rarely support you emotionally and only meet your material needs?

You grew up without a close emotional connection with your parents. They rarely cared about or respected your thoughts and feelings.

Your mother still interferes in your life. She decides things for you, like work and marriage. You gave up your ideas about work, did what your mother wanted, and went back to work in a small county.

Your mother is pressuring you again. You don't want to hurt her, but you also don't want to give up your happiness. You feel anxious and in pain.

You want to do right by your mother, but you also want to hold on to your love.

2. Love and intimacy

You have been emotionally deprived for a long time. When you meet someone who can take care of your emotional needs, you like it a lot because they make you feel good.

Your lover respects you, understands you, and accepts you for who you are. You can be yourself with them.

You need love and belonging from your parents but didn't get it.

We all need love and belonging. In a relationship, we feel close to our partner and like we matter. We also feel happy and safe. This is similar to how we felt with our mothers when we were young.

Love has three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion lasts about six months, and intimacy and commitment last longer.

You had emotional problems at university but were healed after meeting your lover. I am happy for you because a good relationship can heal trauma. However, the process is still very long. You will clash with each other and have many conflicts as you meet your true selves. You need to work together.

I recommend these books on relationships: Is It All My Fault? Why Does Family Hurt? Learning to Love, and May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love. Learn to rebuild your family relationships and manage your relationship with your loved one.

3. Separation

Psychologist Adler believes that people are responsible for their own actions and that others should not interfere.

All problems come from relationships.

You have to choose between respecting your mother or respecting yourself.

At work, you listened to your mother. In your relationship, you are trying to fight for yourself because this is your life. Whether you listen to your mother or yourself, you are responsible for your life.

It's a form of self-growth to respect your feelings, leave your family, and take responsibility for your life.

Your mother's interference and threats are extreme. She doesn't care about your feelings and is putting you in a difficult situation. You are a good daughter, but you have your own wishes. You want to be the master of your own life and work hard for your own happiness.

If you can't decide, don't. You need support. I don't know what your lover thinks. Is he with you? Will he stand by you and prove his love for you in front of your family?

True gold fears no fire. The questioner can think more, give his mother and loved ones more time, and grow during this time.

Being free from pain is joyful. Being free from dependence is frightening.

Growing up is painful. I hope the questioner can see their needs, love themselves, make the best decision, and accept the consequences and the future.

When you take responsibility, you can choose.

Click below to find a coach for interpretation, choose a chat partner, and communicate with me one-on-one.

I hope you find happiness soon. Good luck.

Before the two of them have even entered into marriage, a strong-willed mother has interfered. But don't worry! You can still find a way to love your boyfriend openly. You're caught between your boyfriend and your mother, but you can work through this together. I hope the following sharing can support you to some extent and help you deal with the current difficulties:

1. It's time to take control! Your mother's interference in your love life is just another manifestation of her invasion of your personal life. You can stop this interference by standing up for yourself and your choices.

Your mother is concerned about every detail of your life, from work to marriage. Even though you are an adult, 25 years old, she still treats you like a 5-year-old and wants to decide every aspect of your life for you.

There are so many fascinating reasons and possibilities for a mother's invasion and desire for control! It could be that she was treated this way in the past, or conversely had an indecisive parent; or an unhappy marriage, and so unconsciously focused all their attention on their children. Regardless of the reason, it belongs to the mother's personal issues.

If we over-intervene, analyze, and speculate, we'll also find ourselves stuck in the trap of trying to control and influence our mothers.

So, what can we do?

1. First, be clear that what your mother is doing is motivated by her own personal issues, even though her apparent starting point is to give you a more stable life and a better future. However, this approach of imposing her ideas on her children is a manifestation of manipulation and unclear boundaries.

2. Remind yourself not to be held back by family ties! You have the power to decide what kind of life you want. If you choose to rebel against your mother's ideas, you can absolutely handle any consequences that come your way.

2. Know that fighting for your own happiness doesn't mean confronting your mother head-on. While showing her you understand her concern for you, start taking control of your own decisions and choices in small matters.

Your mother's usual desire to control is related to the way you interact with her. If she has never experienced her daughter objecting, she is more likely to strongly hope that you can follow her ideas and realize the life she wants you to lead – so you have the exciting opportunity to show her that you can do it!

If you only express your independence in your love life, it will not make her feel that her daughter has grown up. But there's no reason why it should! Instead, it will make her more determined to oppose your relationship with your boyfriend. She'll easily attribute the "guilt" to his charm, but you can show her that you're an independent woman who knows what she wants.

So, if you want to start fighting for the life you want in a relationship and hold on to the right person, you can start by making small changes to get along with your mother. These changes will show your mother that you are becoming the person you want to be, and she will be able to feel the changes in you as you make self-determining decisions again and again.

This kind of decision is not a hard-and-fast one, which means there's plenty of room for positive change! On the one hand, it is a huge challenge for you, who have always "listened to your mother." On the other hand, your mother will use her usual strong-arm tactics to "suppress" your independence. But you can beat her at her own game by trying to be gentle but firm about small living habits and lifestyle choices.

For example, you can start with what clothes you want to wear or what appliances you want to use. While acknowledging and understanding your mother's concern for you, you can gently tell her that you are different from her and that you have your own preferences and choices.

I really hope the above sharing can bring you some inspiration!

I'm a psychologist who doesn't focus on human nature, but on the incredible human heart. I wish you the absolute best!

Hello, I'm Listening Han!

From what you've told me, it sounds like your parents have gone to some pretty extreme lengths to try to stop you seeing your boyfriend. It's a really tough situation for you and your boyfriend.

It can be really tough when you're caught between your partner and your mum. It's natural to want to please them both, but it's also important to remember that you're an individual with your own thoughts and feelings.

So, what should you do in this situation? I really hope these words will help you!

Once you've had a good chat about why your mum is feeling this way, it's important to remember that you and your partner might have different ideas about what your future life will look like. What we really need is to find a way of living that's right for us both.

First of all, it's important to remember that parents' objections, standing in their perspective, may have their reasons. At this time, you have to figure out where the focus of the problem lies. For example, you might say, "Mom, I don't think his job has a future!"

This is a great time to chat with your parents about what your future life will be like! In your relationship with your boyfriend, what are some differences between what you see for your future life and what your mom might expect?

It can be really helpful to share your future plans with your mum when you're ready. It might make it easier for her to understand that you have your own ideas and choices. Your choices might be a little different from hers, and that's totally normal!

At the same time, welcoming your mother to do so is to give you a better future, to see and understand your mother's love for you. At the same time, it's important to be open and honest with your partner about what you want for your future.

[Bring your boyfriend and let your parents get to know us again!]

I really believe that the best way to change parents' perception of us and establish a good way of getting along is through effective communication and a positive response. It's so important to remember that if parents need to re-evaluate us, it is inseparable from the joint efforts of your boyfriend and you.

It's so important to let the other person know that you love them and that you're ready to work towards a happy future together. Most parents will be totally supportive if they can see that you're sincere, and they'll appreciate all the effort you're putting in to make things work.

[Do your best to keep things running smoothly between the two of them and be a great bridge and link!]

Between parents and boyfriends, we are the bridge and link that connects both sides. It's so important that we give our all to this role as bridge and link, and work hard to keep the relationship between the two sides happy and strong.

I really hope these answers help you out! I wish you all the best! Oh, and my listening teacher is Teacher Han?‍?

I'm always here for you if you need me!

Dear questioner, I want to extend a warm hug to you. I can imagine it's really challenging to fall in love with someone and not have the approval of the people you're closest to. It's also likely that the emotional neglect you experienced in your childhood has brought many challenges in your adulthood. It's wonderful that you've come this far and met someone who warms and heals you. I'm happy for you and I congratulate you.

[Growing and ripening]

You say you're 25 years old, a university graduate, and already working. I think you've reached a point where you can be considered a mature adult, both in terms of age and status. However, it's important to remember that parents will always see their children as children and as needing protection. Their serious and unstable work can sometimes lead to an uncertain financial situation. It's understandable that they want to measure your happiness using their own standards.

Given the differences in our personal views, it is perhaps inevitable that we will have disagreements. These can sometimes result in a sense of tragedy. It seems that, driven by fear and a desire to gain a sense of certainty, humans have sought to gain a foothold on the earth and a sense of existence in time and space through the use of weapons such as "power."

In the face of differing personal views, it can be challenging to know how to proceed. Do we always have to choose between "fighting or running away"?

The author of the book "The Power of Empathy" wrote: "Through learning to listen and empathize, I have come to understand the world and developed the ability to love. I have gained a deeper appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things, and I see that I am part of a larger whole. I will use my creativity to help, protect, and nurture life on earth."

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back from the conflict and try to find a way to cooperate with your parents. It seems that your mother has her own system for evaluating how well you are prepared for marriage, and you have your own system of reference. It's possible that both of you want to prepare well for marriage.

[Preparing for marriage]

It would be beneficial to know yourself and each other better.

It might be helpful to consider examining each other's character and enhancing your understanding before deciding to get married. This could help you enter into marriage with the goal of establishing an eternal union. It might also be beneficial to think about whether there are situations where you could do some kind of work or service together, apart from everyday situations of pastime, entertainment and play.

It is not uncommon for the attraction between two people to manifest as an unhealthy emotional dependence. This attachment can sometimes prevent them from recognizing the immature and irresponsible behavior they and their partner display, and it can lead them to maintain the relationship. Now that your parents have objected, you have turned the relationship underground. It is worth asking whether this alliance will truly bring you closer. If intimacy is based on romantic fantasies and excessive attachment, it can affect one's ability to assess their readiness for marriage.

It may also be helpful to consider whether a person is honest and trustworthy. If someone is irresponsible or unreliable before marriage, there is a possibility that they may bring these habits into their marriage. While it is possible for a person to change, these habits may indicate that they are not yet fully prepared for marriage.

A person who is peaceful, temperate, calm, sincere, obedient, kind, compassionate; determined and courageous, honest and reliable, energetic and hardworking; generous, faithful, kind, warm-hearted, and strong sense of honor; ambitious, magnanimous, and respectful of the rights of others is someone who will make a great addition to any family. Showing your elders the good qualities you possess is the best way to demonstrate them.

It would be wise to consider that a responsible attitude towards money is particularly important for the stability of a marriage. How a person spends money and on what shows what they prioritize and what their values are. It reflects whether they are generally generous or selfish, aware or wasteful in their use of resources, and whether they tend to focus on the present or worry too much about the future, or whether they strike a balance between the two. It might be helpful to think about whether wastefulness, selfishness, squandering for the sake of immediate enjoyment and disregard for future financial obligations and needs are all signs of poor financial management and a harbinger of marital tension and distress.

It would be wise to consider that being stingy and overly concerned about finances may also have an impact on the quality of family life. Living fully in the present while planning for the future is an important aspect of responsibility, and one's attitude towards work could be seen as a measure of this responsibility.

It would be wise to consider that a person who does not enjoy their work and has no plans for their career may find it challenging to support a future family. Similarly, someone who lacks responsibility or is not mature enough to hold down a job may find it difficult to take on the responsibilities of marriage.

It would be wise to consider whether he is mature enough for marriage and starting a family. If a person always tries to blame others when they encounter difficulties or does not explore and analyze problems, these could be significant warning signs that marriage and starting a family will inevitably be fraught with difficulties and challenges. Therefore, it would be beneficial to learn how to deal with difficulties with composure, an open mind, restraint, and patience, as this could be essential for family unity.

It might be helpful to examine the other person's relationship with their parents. In many cases, this can provide insight into what kind of spouse or parent a person might become, as we often look to our parents as role models in both of these areas.

It is often the case that children who grow up in happy, stable, and complete families are best prepared for marriage, as they are fortunate to have good role models around them.

If you can demonstrate that you are well prepared to enter into marriage, it is likely that both sets of parents will agree with this choice and support the marriage. This is because the two people have a deeper spirituality and mature social experience, which means that they are well prepared for married life.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If it is useful to you in any way, I would be grateful if you could indicate that by clicking the "thumbs up" icon.

Hello! It seems that you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and get along well. However, your mother has expressed strong opposition to your relationship due to your boyfriend's work. As a result of your mother's influence, you and your boyfriend have resorted to maintaining your relationship underground, which has understandably caused you distress. I can appreciate your situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to sort out the issues.

It seems that you are quite content in this relationship. Your description of it as a good relationship, with shared values and effective communication, also suggests what factors you value most in a relationship.

It seems that your mother's objection was based on her perception of your boyfriend's job prospects. It's evident that you and your mother have differing priorities when it comes to selecting a spouse.

Your mother made it clear that she would sever ties with you and take her own life, which was undoubtedly a challenging situation. In light of such a strong opposition, you and your boyfriend decided to pursue an underground relationship. This meant that you respected your mother's opinion on the surface, while privately holding reservations about breaking up with your boyfriend.

When you face your mother and your boyfriend, you find yourself torn between the two. When you raise the issue here and want to know what to do, your expectation is that you don't want to hurt your mother's feelings and you don't want to break up with your boyfriend.

So the issue you're facing isn't necessarily an emotional one. It's more about finding ways to gain her support and reach an agreement with her. The core of the problem seems to be your relationship with your mother.

It would be helpful to identify the root of the problem.

You mentioned that after graduating from college, you returned to work in a small county under pressure from your mother. You lived in the dormitory for quite some time, and the emotional distance between you and your parents was relatively far.

It seems that your parents were always quite dominant during your upbringing. While there may have been a lack of emotional care and communication, they controlled you and ordered you to obey their ideas, is that correct?

If you grew up in a relationship like this, you may seem obedient on the surface, but inside you may have some resistance.

It is also possible that this resistance may come from anger. Children who face strong-willed parents often find it difficult to express their anger directly and may rebel by emotionally distancing themselves. Once they are able to find some space in certain areas, the child may behave exceptionally rebelliously.

Some people believe that it's important to allow children to develop their own sense of autonomy and agency. When a child who has always obeyed begins to challenge authority, the intensity of the rebellion can be surprising.

If you also feel this anger inside and have this desire to escape your parents' control, it may be challenging to maintain a harmonious relationship with them, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. When we are in a state of opposition, it's natural for our views to be influenced by our desire to be heard. This can sometimes result in a cycle of opposing views, where the right or wrong of our views may not be the primary concern. It's important to recognize that our parents' opposition may sometimes lead us to want to insist on our views more strongly.

Perhaps we could try a problem-oriented approach to finding a way out.

It is not common to find a boyfriend with whom you have a good relationship, share the same values, and communicate smoothly. You clearly value this. And your mother is also considering the boyfriend's future prospects, seeking to provide a better guarantee for your future.

I believe that both of you have valid points to consider.

A good relationship will undoubtedly benefit from the support of your family. To resolve the current challenge with your mother, it might be helpful to explore ways of transforming the adversarial dynamic into a mutually accepting one.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own feelings and experiences. Do you feel that your personal growth has left you with any unresolved issues?

It might be helpful to consider that if you enter a relationship with the urgent desire to break free from your parents' restrictions, you may only see your boyfriend's good qualities and strengths in the relationship. It could be beneficial to develop more self-awareness to help you avoid this kind of bias in your thinking.

It would be beneficial for you to communicate more with your parents. It seems that your parents may have a tendency to want to control your life with their own ideas, which could be perceived as inappropriate.

However, it is important to note that this cannot be solved by inappropriate conflict or avoidance.

It would be beneficial for you to express your thoughts through communication, gently but firmly making your boundaries clear to your parents. In the process of improving the relationship, it might be helpful to avoid sensitive issues and start with small things. You could consider proving your growth to your parents and letting them accept your ability to make decisions for yourself.

In any relationship, it's important to recognize that those who are suffering may need to change. Parents may benefit from taking the time to reflect on their own issues. You can take steps to grow and improve your communication with your parents, which can help you maintain your boundaries and make your own decisions.

My name is Teng Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor. I hope this is helpful for you.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am grateful for the chance to contribute to your growth and development. I hope that my answer will be of some help to you. Best regards, [Name]

1. Parents

The questioner mentioned that they had resigned the previous year, feeling that they had to do so under pressure from their mother and that they had returned to work at the bank in the small county town.

"My mother had reservations about his career choice and believed it might not lead to a bright future. She was quite adamant about her stance and even went so far as to threaten to sever ties with her daughter and take her own life to try to influence my decision."

It seems fair to say that the mother of the questioner could be described as an "authoritarian" mother, that is to say, a "highly demanding, low-reactive" type.

It can be helpful to consider some of the characteristics of authoritarian parents.

It is often the case that parents who are more authoritarian than others may not fully understand their children's desires and opinions. They may also tend to exert excessive control over their children's development and be less inclined to listen to their children's views. It is also possible that they may not always try to comprehend their children's aspirations and the kind of life they envision for themselves.

Parents who are overly demanding of their children may not realize that their expectations are, in fact, stifling the child's individuality. They may also find it challenging to accept feedback from their children, lack enthusiasm and care for them, demand unconditional obedience, and fail to encourage and praise them in a timely manner. Children who are raised in this authoritarian manner may develop undesirable personality traits such as confrontation, low self-esteem, anxiety, withdrawal, and dependence.

In a similar vein to the plot of the TV series "Little Reunion," Yingzi expresses her desire to escape from her parents' "authoritarian" rule by attempting to jump into the river. She hugs the railing on the bridge while crying and says to her parents, "I feel that you don't fully understand what I want. I believe that you have decided my life according to your own ideas. I'm sorry, I haven't become the person you want me to be."

The questioner mentioned that they had lived in a boarding school for a long time and that they currently have a somewhat distant emotional relationship with their parents. They also shared that they had experienced some emotional challenges during their time at university.

It is possible that going to college far away from home might make the emotional distance from your parents seem even greater. However, this is something you can control. In the information age, you can contact your parents whenever you want. It depends on your own heart. Some people will not become estranged even if they don't contact their parents, while others will become estranged even if they do. As for the questioner, whether the relationship is close may depend mainly on the way their parents treat them.

The original poster's mother is an authoritarian parent who shapes her child in the way she wants, which can make it challenging to maintain good and equal communication with your own mother. It's natural to want to rely on her, but it can be difficult to do so. In an unfamiliar place, the contact and care from your parents may decrease. I want to acknowledge the original poster in college for working hard to go it alone!

2. Boyfriend

The questioner mentioned that during university, she had some emotional problems, but after meeting him, she was able to find healing through his warmth. The two of us have a very good relationship, our worldviews are in line, and communication is also smooth.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that they have experienced healing and nourishment in this relationship.

I would like to suggest four signs of a healthy relationship.

It would be beneficial to strive to become a better version of yourself, maintain healthy boundaries, be mutually beneficial, and maintain passion in the relationship.

First and foremost, I hope the questioner can take a moment to calm down and carefully examine their own emotions. It might be helpful to ask yourself if this relationship is a healthy and good one. This can help you more clearly weigh whether your partner is worth taking seriously and whether the relationship is worth maintaining carefully.

A healthy relationship is one that is based on equal respect, guaranteed by independent personalities, and where time is spent maintaining the relationship and becoming a better version of yourself. This is what love should be like.

The writer Lian Yue once said, "Love is unpredictable, but there is one basic principle: it is additive. This means that two people in love should be stronger, more interesting, and more capable of fighting the stupidity in the world than they were when they were independent. It also means that there should be more happiness."

It would be beneficial for all if love did not result in women becoming less independent or men becoming less intelligent. Similarly, it would be positive for everyone if love did not result in the loss of the values you hold dear or the unique joy of living.

Dating is a wonderful opportunity for two people to explore the beautiful world and the mysterious and unknown future together. It is a time to remove obstacles in love without the need to bind each other or sacrifice for anyone.

If the questioner feels that their partner is someone they can build a future with and that the relationship is worth maintaining, then the next step would be to take action and work hard to gain the approval of the questioner's parents for the relationship.

3. Recommendations for Problem-Solving

It is natural for parents and children to be connected by blood. It is often assumed that parents' feelings towards their children are based on love. However, there are instances when the way parents handle situations may not be appropriate, and it can sometimes be challenging for us to understand and accept their actions.

The questioner mentioned that their parents work in enterprises and institutions in a small county.

"My mother has some reservations about his career choice and believes he may face challenges in the future. She has expressed her concerns."

The questioner's parents have stable jobs and are very concerned about and attached to the questioner's work and emotions. They hope that the questioner can empathize with them. They are simply trying to consider the questioner's best interests, and they hope that the questioner can find a partner with a more promising career.

1. It would be beneficial for the questioner to find a suitable time to communicate more seriously with their parents to enhance mutual understanding. It might be helpful to avoid discussing boyfriends and focus on topics such as work, expectations of love, and future plans.

For mothers who use an authoritarian parenting style, it would be helpful for the questioner to gradually show the mother that they have grown up, matured, and have their own plans and goals. This should help to ease any concerns the mother may have and give them a sense of the questioner's dependability. It seems that the mother's desire to make decisions for the questioner may be based on a lack of confidence, with the mother thinking that the questioner is not yet mature or rational enough.

In life, the questioner can learn to strengthen communication with their parents, learn to get close to them, and establish an emotional connection with them. This will allow parents to understand you and your situation better, and also allow the questioner to better understand their parents' thoughts. Secondly, as the old saying goes, "Parents have tasted more salt than we have walked on the road." You can talk to your parents more about work, life, and relationships, and learn from their experiences. This approach will make your parents feel doubly proud, and you will also have unexpected gains.

3. With regard to the partner's work, the questioner indicated that his parents are employed by an enterprise or institution in a small county. Parents with this background may be more inclined to pursue stability and security in their careers. It might, therefore, be helpful for the questioner to encourage her partner to consider opportunities in state-owned enterprises, civil service, and public institutions, which could offer more stability and security. Of course, other promising careers are also possible, and the questioner can discuss these with her partner.

4. The questioner mentioned that her boyfriend has studied thangka painting, and this ability can be further developed and explored. You might consider drawing some thangka works in your spare time. The questioner could choose some special days and give them to her parents in her own name to help her partner increase their impression points. You could also look for ways to enhance the value of the thangka.

5. While relationships may be concealed for a period of time, ultimately, to gain your parents' approval, it is important to demonstrate your efforts and achievements, such as obtaining a civil servant position, improved work performance, financial accomplishments, and so on.

In closing, to parents:

In his book The Prophet, Lebanese poet Gibran wrote:

Perhaps we could say that your children are not really your children.

They could be considered the children that life longs for itself.

They come from you, but they are not a direct result of your actions.

Even though they are with you, they do not necessarily belong to you.

While you can certainly give them love, it is important to avoid indoctrinating them with your ideas.

It is important to remember that children have their own minds.

In a letter to his child, Mr. Hu Shih once wrote, "I am raising you not out of kindness, but simply because we are related and this is a biological instinct. Therefore, I have no kindness to repay you, and you do not need to repay me."

"I would like to express my gratitude to you for your valuable contribution to my life. Your presence has made my life more complete."

A child is not a continuation of their parents' lives, nor a replica of them. Rather, a child is a unique individual in their own right. The presence of parents is to help children find a better self.

As a parent, you can expect to grow a lot so that you can grow together with your child. It's important to understand that if you want your child to become a certain kind of person, you have to work hard to become that kind of person too.

To the original poster: Many things can be achieved through hard work and dedication. Stay grounded, be patient, and I hope you find what you're looking for!