My mother does not respect my feelings, and I don't know how to take care of my emotions?

If your mother asks you, "Is the cat meowing in the kitchen?," you'll need to understand what she's trying to say. At this point, you can't have a real interaction with her because you're focusing on the meaning behind the words. Instead, focus on the question itself and interact with her as much as possible by staying on the facts. When she asks you this question, just tell her yes.

Then she'll go on to say what she wants to say, and again, based on the actual problem she's mentioned, talk about things in a straightforward way. Don't accept the emotions your mother is trying to express behind your back, or her innuendo.

This way, you'll absorb less of her emotions and also establish some boundaries. Once you've done that, you'll be able to separate your emotions from hers. This is the first step. The second step is based on this first step. If she asks something and you just agree with her, or if she doesn't ask or if you explain but she doesn't listen, then you can stop talking and leave the situation. If you can't leave, just listen to what she says and tell yourself that these are your mother's emotions and you don't need to react to them.

Do what you want to do. After a while, your mother will notice the change in you. At the same time, she'll have to adjust to your stance as a daughter and your feelings.

You're talking about how they don't come out on their own, right?

It's not "I opened the door a moment ago."

I really think this is important!

Hello! I really hope that by sharing my thoughts on these few words, I can help you understand yourself a bit better.

It's totally understandable that you wouldn't use the first person when explaining to your mom. It shows that, on some level, you want to distance yourself from this little event.

Your mom senses that you're trying to avoid the issue by instinct, so she gives you an order to help you see things clearly. She's not trying to embarrass you or make you feel bad, but she wants to help you understand the truth.

It's okay if it feels like a long process of analysis. The truth is, these thoughts occur in the blink of an eye, so quickly that neither you nor your mother are aware of them.

Oh, why do you answer the door when the cat meows?

The cat's meowing in the kitchen most of the time means it wants to come out, and it's consistent and unchanging, which is why we always answer it!

I'm sure you've wondered why your mother doesn't always listen when you talk.

Because you're always growing, changing, and developing! It's totally understandable that she might have difficulty understanding you with her old cognitive model.

Mommy is feeling a little scared because she's worried that you're becoming a stranger to her.

Your chats with her about cats and kitchen doors bring back memories of your clumsy childhood attempts to evade responsibility and cover up the truth.

When you were little, you probably said things like this:

"Oh, it was XXX who did it..."

"Oh, it just went out on its own, I'm sure."

"The wind blew it off..."

She really wants to show that she gets her child.

And you, every day, trying your best to show her that you've grown up and that you're not the same person you once were.

It's a real miracle that you two get along so well!

It's so understandable that you both want to be in charge of your own destiny. After all, you both have such strong feelings about this. You both believe that you will be together in the future, and you're fighting for a favorable space for your future together.

I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you're wasting your efforts.

In the future, you'll have less and less time together. What you fight for now is what you'll have to give up in the future, or even never mention again, until the final farewell comes.

Suppressing emotions may not be so bad for you, my friend.

It's so important to remember that every emotion you suppress today will make the separation easier for your mother, whom you cannot hug and cannot let go of.

Similarly, if you're used to feeling depressed, you'll be less likely to be swayed by your desires.

This is all part of your journey, with some bumps along the way, but also some wonderful gifts.

Hello, host!

Your ability to express yourself is admirable. You clearly explain the time, place, people, and events of an incident and naturally incorporate and express your own feelings and thoughts.

It is crucial to have a clear understanding of your feelings and thoughts. Awareness is the first step in dealing with negative emotions.

I want to understand how your feelings of disrespect were generated in this dialogue. If you had interpreted and responded differently to your mother's question, would you have felt differently?

What does "the cat is meowing in the kitchen" mean?

Language conveys only 7% of the message, while the other 90%+ is communicated non-verbally. I heard what she meant. She thinks the cat wants to come out and is meowing, and wants me to open the door.

Your interpretation of your mother's "Is the cat in the kitchen?" is your mother's deep awareness and understanding of you, cultivated over the years. It corroborates the above statement, as its meaning is quite different from the literal meaning of your mother's question.

Your mother is asking you to confirm her judgment of a fact because she just got home and you were already here. She assumes that you know what happened or the situation at home. If you take her question literally, you can simply answer "yes" without any emotional response, including the "unspoken meaning" that your mother wants you to open the door.

You're basically telling her, "Well, you're right," and then moving on.

I believe the "unspoken meaning" you picked up on played a significant role in how you felt afterwards. It was more like a preconceived position of "this is how my mother wants me to do what she wants," which is exactly what you least want to happen. When we are particularly unwilling to accept or strongly reject certain people and things, we are usually very sensitive to them. This is like instinctive self-protection, a bit like the psychological state described in the saying "once bitten, twice shy," which allows us to remain highly vigilant against snakes so as not to be hurt again. However, there is also a negative effect in that we will mistake many ropes for snakes, which only adds to the panic and anxiety.

"They were just there, screaming, and wouldn't come out." How did Mum interpret this?

You explained the meaning of your sentence in your question: you had opened the door and waited for a while, but the cat just meowed without coming out, so you closed the door again and let the cat go. This once again confirms that our language conveys much less information than what is actually being conveyed.

The mother has just entered the door, so your words can be understood literally as a judgment you have made without trying anything. She is not aware of everything you have done before.

It's possible her attention was on the cat, as you said. But it's also possible she was just trying to see if the cat would come out after the door was opened. Either way, her attention was focused on that. And when someone's attention is divided, they can't perceive or understand as much. We can only pay attention to and think about one thing at a time. It's like the saying, "You can't do two things at once."

The mother didn't listen to you. She was too busy opening the door. She already knew the cat was meowing in the kitchen.

She did skip your explanation, especially the key message that you went to open the door but the cat refused to come out. You didn't convey this in your explanation. Even if you had told her everything that happened, including the fact that you opened the door and waited but the cat refused to come out, and even if she had understood everything and believed you, she would still have the urge to open the door and see what was going on. She would not understand your inner preconceptions and the inner activity of "she definitely doesn't believe me."

"Telling me to open the door on my own" must be understood as "telling me to open the door."

Describing your mother's request as an order and adding "on your own" shows me your resentment and dissatisfaction. You also describe a feeling of being disrespected later. I understand your resentment and dissatisfaction because it is consistent with your initial preconceived position of hearing the subtext of your mother's question and with your prior view of your mother as "always not listening to you or believing you." It's possible that "my mother shouting at me to open the door" is perceived as "not listening to me, not believing me, and yet ordering me to open the door on my own," which naturally leads to negative emotions.

I am curious as to why the mother didn't open the door herself but instead shouted at you to do it. What tone did she use and what attitude did she convey? I don't know, but I do know that in the mother's feelings and perceptions, she may still treat you as if you were seven years old instead of 17. Directly shouting at her own child to help open the door is not something that is "worth thinking about." It's just as in the close relationship between a mother and child, the child would also shout "Mom, open the door."

She has not kept up with you. She has not understood these feelings and changes within you.

Let me be clear: how we feel is closely linked to our perceptions and beliefs. Our interpretation of a situation and our belief that this is the truth largely determine how we feel.

I am not denying that your feelings and judgments are true. They are. But there are other explanations and understandings, and you should ask your mother to verify whether your own explanation or understanding of her is true. This will help you take care of your emotions in another way. If you find that your understanding or perception is not true, those feelings of not being listened to and respected will no longer arise. Discuss this matter with your mother by interpreting the above text in different ways.

If your mother is truly unwilling to listen to you and believe you, and does not respect your feelings, you must speak up. Tell her directly that she is ignoring you and going against your wishes, and ask her to change her attitude.

Tell your mother to make adjustments. If you don't express it, she may not know.

I grew up repressing my emotions. At the time, I tried to express them, but my mother chose to ignore or be impatient, saying, "Just ignore other people." And it's still happening. I've tried to express it again and again, in different ways. I've tried to use everyday events to discuss it with her. But she still doesn't understand. She still doesn't believe me. She still doesn't pay attention to this. She still doesn't explore how to communicate with me. She still doesn't take care of herself or take responsibility for her emotions. She is my mother. I am responsible for myself. I will fight for her to be listened to and believed.

I love you, and I love the world.

Dear Poster, Thank you for your message.

When individuals rely on the "I thought" approach to communication, it often proves ineffective.

For example, you stated, "I thought I explained it clearly enough." However, your mother did not understand, which indicates that your explanation was not effective.

You perceive your mother's communications as directives. This is your perception.

Furthermore, could you please elaborate on why you believe your mother always speaks in an imperative tone?

Has your childhood experience continued to the present day, and has it affected the way you communicate with your mother?

You have identified your feelings and have experienced a lack of respect. You are aware that previous suppression was not beneficial for you and that you need to make a change.

I would like to extend my support and encouragement to you.

It is not possible to change others; only you can do that.

What is the recommended course of action? How can you alter your current thought process?

You may find it helpful to apply the ABC rule.

If you wish to achieve a different result (C) in the same situation (A), it is necessary to modify your thinking (B). The way in which you think will determine the outcome.

You are encouraged to give this approach a try.

Take the time to consider how you would like to be spoken to in order to feel respected. Then, speak to her in the same way. You have both changed, and the direction is different.

It is possible to express one's emotions without resorting to emotional outbursts. This approach will foster mutual respect and effective communication.

I extend my best wishes for harmonious relations between you and your mother, and for your mutual happiness.