My parents wish for me to die early like my grandmother, and I'm contemplating suicide, am I seeking death?

Hello, my name is Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I'd love to share my thoughts with you and offer you some warm support.

I'm sending you lots of hugs! Did you feel especially unsupported and unappreciated, and did you feel that you were not receiving enough attention and love from each other?

You are amazing! You are able to reflect on your feelings and conflicts with your parents, to experience your inner distress and confusion, and to seek help by learning about psychology. You are so brave!

01: One mother, who had lost her own mother, always felt that she hadn't taken good care of her mother. This made her feel sad and hurt. She really wanted her loved ones to be happy, especially her children and husband.

Because her grief was unresolved, and because she hadn't studied psychology or non-violent communication, one day she had a fight with her long-time favorite child, just like a child who wants its mother.

She also blames herself, but her current state is like that of a hurt and overwhelmed child, with no strength and no idea how to love her child as a mother.

So she has to put some distance between herself and her child in order to heal herself. It's only natural to be afraid that your emotions will hurt your child again. And it's so lovely that she wants to give her child time to become independent and develop the ability to think and live independently.

I'm sure you can understand this mother. We all have our moments! It's so important to take care of ourselves and focus on our own growth.

02. When we think back to our childhood, we remember happy times with our parents, but we also remember some difficult moments.

It's totally normal to feel this way. When we think about it, it can make us feel unloved and hurt, as well as disappointed in our parents.

Absolutely! We're all the same. We all have a sensitive, vulnerable, and wounded child inside. So, every time something happens, even if you've grown up and become an adult, or are in your middle years, you might feel like you're a helpless child who lacks energy inside.

It's so hard to expect an injured child to handle all their emotions, isn't it?

So, how can we nourish and help the vulnerable child and the painful part of ourselves?

If you're struggling, it might be helpful to seek the support of a counselor. They can help you heal and grow.

Absolutely! You can definitely choose to nourish and enrich yourself through your own learning and growth.

This process may take a little while, but that's okay! Take your time.

It's so important to allow and accept all of your expressions. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and helpless sometimes.

Then, try to get as close as you can to that little inner child who longs to be loved. It's possible that, just like you, they might reject your closeness, or maybe they can only watch you from afar.

You can draw or write it out, just the way it appears in your mind, and imagine how this child feels. What is it that the child is afraid of?

What is he looking forward to? It would be great if you could write or draw these answers gently but firmly.

Take it slow and approach your partner with a smile, okay?

Give your parents a big hug and say, "Thank you for always being there for me and protecting me. You're really great! Now that I'm all grown up, I don't need you to remind me anymore. Let me help you. I love you!"

It's also a great idea to try to understand and accept your parents. After all, if they can't fully understand and accept you, they're still your parents and you love them anyway!

It's okay to admit that you need your parents' love. But you will also grow up strong and brave on your own. You can learn to express your feelings and needs. And you can become a person who has the strength to love yourself.

It is their 60-point love that gives you the space and courage to develop more independence and self-reliance. I truly believe that this courage and self-reliance will be of great help to you in the future!

④ Learn to live with your emotions and suffering in a calm, peaceful way. Don't suppress them, but let them float like white clouds in the sky. There are so many white clouds, and there's plenty of sky for them all!

I truly believe that it is only through this path of growth that our hearts can be liberated from trauma. Even the pain experienced will become nourishment for our hearts and promote even more growth.

03. Use good communication to build a good relationship!

Your parents didn't study psychology, and their relationship and lifestyle patterns caused you some neglect and harm. But you can learn more and use good communication methods to fix some of the problems in your intimate relationship!

The lovely author of the book "The Art of Communication" has some great advice for us! She says that to achieve good interpersonal relationships and good communication results, we need to adjust ourselves, express ourselves reasonably, and establish a relationship.

The author of the book "Nonviolent Communication" also has some great advice for us! They say that good communication focuses on four elements: observation, feelings, needs, and requests.

Use these four elements to honestly express your feelings and needs. The question you shared this time is a great example of good communication! It shows that you have an objective observation, a true feeling, a clear need, and a specific request, so there will be a teacher willing to respond, analyze, and help.

I really think you'd benefit from reading these two books on communication. They'll help you to communicate well with your parents, which will allow them to give you the attention and love you deserve.

Reading can nourish and enrich our hearts, so it's a great idea to suggest to your parents that they read some psychology books about interpersonal relationships and emotions together.

There are also some lovely books you might like to read, such as "The Art of Communication," "Embracing Your Inner Child," and "The Bond of Motherly Love."

I love you, too, world! I really hope this helps.