Not understanding when someone else presents a situation that is worse than the current situation.

Hello, question asker.

From your description, it seems that the words used by others to comfort you may have taken on other meanings that make you feel uncomfortable. It's understandable that you might be struggling to find a way to get along with them.

"There are people who are worse off than you" and "some people have been unemployed for a few months and are still looking for work." The former can be a source of comfort, but the latter may not have the same effect. It's possible that it could make you feel that other people are hoping you will be unemployed for a few months, and that the other person is "cursing you" by saying this. So, could you please share your thoughts on why you think this way?

I believe these two sentences express the same meaning. It seems that you are focusing on the negative aspects of the ambiguity in the sentence. Could the positive aspect also be encouragement?

Could I ask you to consider whether the tone and meaning of the words you use really convey the meaning you intend, or whether you are putting yourself in this situation?

For instance, when one receives a new object, some individuals might remark, "It doesn't stink" or "It's not broken." I must admit, I'm not quite sure I understand. Would it not be reasonable to assume that it should stink or be broken?

On reflection, I feel the other person's way of expressing themselves is perfectly acceptable. Perhaps I am being a little too concerned about the way they speak.

Could I perhaps ask what you think they should be praised for?

Given that several people around me speak this way and that I will be spending a long time with them, I am wondering what I should praise them for.

As you mentioned, everyone has their own unique way of behaving and speaking, and it's not always easy to change. It's important to recognize that we can't change others, but we can always choose to change ourselves.

First, it would be beneficial to try to understand and respect.

Could it be that you disagree with their words of expression and judge them too harshly by your standards? Do you think they mean what you think they mean?

Perhaps the answer is already within you. Could it be that you feel there is another meaning in the words because you have a different interpretation of them?

Could it be that you are over-interpreting what others say with your own thoughts?

It would be beneficial to strive for a greater level of understanding and respect, and to avoid over-interpreting the words of others, unless there is a genuine intention behind them.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to focus on the positive.

Perhaps you are now too sensitive to what they say, and you may even have a grudge against them. In that case, you might want to try focusing on the positive.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well!

Hello, question asker.

It is challenging to provide comprehensive guidance on how to find comfort in such a limited space. Nevertheless, I would be delighted to have a conversation with you in my answer to support you in exploring potential solutions when you are facing difficulties.

It may be the case that others are unable to offer comfort because they themselves have not received it.

The practice you mentioned in the article is actually not uncommon in real life. It involves listing a worse situation as a way to comfort someone who is in a bad situation. While this may be well-intentioned, it can inadvertently make the person being comforted feel that not only has their suffering not been seen or understood, but it has been ignored and denied. They may feel aggrieved and even angry.

However, people who say this may not realize that their well-meaning words may not always have the desired effect. It is likely that because they were also raised in this way of comforting, these are familiar words of comfort, and besides, they may not know what else to do to properly and truly comfort others.

[Consider seeking comfort in a way that feels good to you.]

If those closest to you, such as family and friends, are not particularly adept at offering comfort and their manner of speaking makes you feel uneasy, you have the option of expressing your feelings and your hopes for how the other person might respond to your needs. In short, you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. For example, you might say, "I've lost my job, I can't find a suitable job, and now I feel so lost!

If it isn't an imposition, would you be so kind as to listen to me as I share my recent experience in searching for employment? I would be grateful if you could sit with me for a while, have a drink, and offer me a hug if I become overwhelmed with emotion.

"

It might be helpful to adjust your expectations of the people around you.

[Consider adjusting your expectations of the people around you]

It might be helpful to consider that the people around you who care about you and want to comfort you may not be doing a very good job, and that it could be beneficial for them to be more idealistic, or at least change the way they speak. It's understandable that it can be challenging for a person to change their habits of speech and behavior that they have been used to for many years. If you continue to have high expectations of them, it might lead to disappointment.

It might be helpful to adjust your expectations and treat them as ordinary, imperfect people. This could help you feel less angry and sad. Sometimes, letting go of excessive expectations can lead to unexpected surprises.

I also hope that the person who asked the question will be able to get through this difficult time safely and soundly.

Hello!

I'm a listening therapist. Lingjing, I'm happy to meet you here.

You know people who make you feel uncomfortable. They speak negatively and make you angry. I understand. Let me give you a hug.

I feel the same way when I see these examples of you. There are many people like this in life, mostly our parents and elders. They think we don't need to share our feelings and that they don't care.

They can feel your emotions very well, which is unfair to you. I believe this has been going on for a long time, and you have tried hard to adapt. You may have tried to change them, but nothing has improved.

Think about why they said it.

They care about you and want to improve your mood, but they don't know how to express it. Sometimes, when family members see you get emotional, they seem indifferent.

It can be misunderstood. You've probably had experiences where your good intentions backfired.

Even though others have taken the wrong approach, they still care and are willing to advise you.

They won't change, so try turning what they say into the opposite.

Some people are worse off than you. You are still lucky.

Some people have been unemployed for months and are still looking for work. Take a few months off.

When someone gets a new object, they'll say it's fine.

Try to reinterpret it with an opposite and interesting statement. It can help you understand what the other person wants to say and make you less emotional.

I'm an enthusiastic answerer, listener, consultant, health manager, nutritionist, and traditional Chinese medicine enthusiast. I hope to help you learn how to face life and help others.

Hello! I'm Chen Gui, a psychological counselor. After reading your question and description, I'd love to give you some references to help you understand.

You ask, "Why mention a specific, clear-cut worse situation? Isn't the current situation already pretty rough? Do I really want to get to that point?"

"Do I really have to put up with that?"

All you need is a reassuring sentence like "there are people who are worse off than you" or "you are not the worst off." Something similar will have a soothing effect.

When the other person gives a more specific, clear, and worse example, it can feel like it has the opposite effect of what you were hoping for. This may be because when the other person says this, it can make you feel like they're using a worse situation to negate your current state, emotions, and feelings. It's totally understandable to feel like your difficulties haven't been seen, understood, or accepted by the other person. It's a tough spot to be in!

It's totally normal to feel counterproductive, angry, and puzzled. We all want to be understood and appreciated, and it's frustrating when we feel rejected or misunderstood.

You said, "Several people around me speak this way, and I have to spend a long time with them. They won't change the way they speak, so I don't know what to do."

I can see that you were feeling pretty frustrated and confused. It's totally understandable! It seems like you were able to see the other person's good intentions, even though they didn't necessarily express it in the way you were hoping. It's also clear that you recognize that it's not easy for them to make a quick change in their speaking style.

It's totally normal to feel this way when you're angry. But, if you think about it, you might realize that you've done something to make it a little less difficult to get along with them.

Next, you can ask yourself, "If they always speak in this way, what can I do for my own needs in my relationship with them?"

I know it can be tough, but there are two points you need to consider:

First, let's think about what you need in these relationships.

Second, how can I take care of myself to feel a little more comfortable?

If you're still stuck, don't worry! You can always talk to a professional counselor. They can help you figure out what you need and offer more ideas and options.

I just want to say, "Congratulations!"

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach, Fly.

From the example you gave, I can sense the strength of your emotions. It seems that, because you don't feel understood, the words of comfort and reassurance from the other person make you feel that you as a person are being denied and rejected.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to examine the issue that is causing you concern and explore some potential solutions.

1. We all long to be understood, recognized, and accepted, and when our needs are not met, we will feel emotions.

As you mentioned, the other person's words caused you a great deal of pain. In response to new items, you said "it doesn't stink" and "it's not broken." Given the circumstances, that seems like a very negative way to respond. In contrast, when the situation was very bad, you responded with "it's better than." It's important to remember that "the meaning of communication lies in the other person's response." Your feelings are the most important thing to consider.

Their comfort and insights may have brought about a sense of frustration and strong denial in you. This could be the reason behind your emotional response, which might have manifested as resentment, confrontation, grievance, and even anger.

The emotions behind the reaction may be driven by a desire for respect, understanding, recognition, and acceptance.

It would be helpful if they could empathize with your feelings. Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel what they feel. For example, "It's really tough right now. I can understand how you feel. It's true that it's hard to find a job right now, but if we don't stop learning and growing, opportunities will come around sooner or later."

It may be the case that the other person's words evoke a sense of anger, but it is possible that what is really being activated is a sense of low self-esteem.

Self-worth is a personal assessment of one's own value. It can often be influenced by the way our parents viewed us when we were young. If our parents frequently offered positive reinforcement and approval, it can help us develop a strong sense of self-worth, leading to a confident and resilient demeanor.

It is possible that children who are constantly criticized, blamed, and denied by their parents may develop a low sense of worth, become self-deprecating and sensitive, and pay particular attention to the comments of others, especially negative comments.

2. It would be beneficial to enhance the cognitive dimension and embrace the existence of different perspectives.

It is thought that building true self-confidence requires us to improve our sense of value. One way of doing this could be by constantly affirming ourselves. There are two ways in which self-confidence can be built: externally (fame and fortune), materially (a garage full of money), or from others (affirmation, praise, and recognition).

However, these are all external, which could be seen as equivalent to handing over the right to choose to others. The other kind of self-confidence is having confidence in oneself as a person, being sure of one's own value and not doubting oneself because of the disapproval of others.

Everyone has different patterns and behaviors, such as the way they respond and the way they think. When we try to see things from the other person's perspective and understand their patterns, we realize that their actions are not necessarily directed at us personally, but rather stem from their own unique way of thinking and responding.

I believe this is the right way of thinking about it, but I wonder if the other person might have a different perspective. It would be interesting to hear what other people think on this matter.

I believe that wisdom can be gained from considering a situation from multiple perspectives. When we have a more comprehensive understanding of a particular issue, it can empower us to make more informed decisions.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you, and I wish you, the world, and I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good morning,

Language is intended to facilitate mutual understanding and emotional interaction. However, it can also result in hurt and traumatic experiences. How can we express and communicate in a way that truly conveys our feelings and thoughts without causing distress to the other person?

Language is a means of communication, but it also conveys meaning and context.

It is evident that the situation is already unfavorable. However, providing reassurance by stating, "There are individuals facing more challenging circumstances," or "Your situation is not the most dire," can have a positive impact. Some individuals may also offer a detailed account of a specific situation. For instance, if an individual is currently unemployed, a supportive colleague might say, "Many people have been through a similar period and are still searching for work," or "You've explored various options and are open to new opportunities." In such cases, it's crucial to acknowledge the individual's efforts and provide guidance on potential avenues for career advancement.

From this paragraph, it is evident that the questioner was not at ease when communicating with the other person. Despite the absence of a specific request, the other person's inappropriate response gave rise to inner unease and anxiety.

For example, when we request a dinner meeting, it's a relatively minor matter. However, if we don't pay attention to our tone of voice and raise it slightly, for instance, by shouting, "Let's go out to dinner!", we will all feel very attacked, our anger will rise, and we will want to lose our temper and question the other person, whether they have any resentment towards us. However, if we wait until our emotions have calmed down before asking the other person if they have any opinions about us, they will often stare with wide eyes, surprised, and respond with answers like, "How could you say that?"

"Why do you ask?" and other answers demonstrate that our feelings are not always an accurate reflection of reality. Context can influence how others perceive our thoughts.

As a result, when others provide extremely negative responses that exaggerate negative emotions, it is typically perceived as intolerable. In less intimate relationships, individuals can often move on from such interactions due to a lack of high expectations and a lack of familiarity. However, in closer relationships, there is a tendency to prioritize feelings over logic, which can be influenced by differing expectations between individuals.

It is therefore pertinent to enquire whether the actual situation is indeed the result of the other party's actions.

To answer this question, it is essential to communicate with the other person in a sincere and objective manner to obtain the most accurate information. When individuals express themselves, they are often influenced by external factors such as their emotional state, perception, position, and circumstances. When the other person is in a negative emotional state or facing challenging circumstances, they are more likely to react negatively, making it easier to speak without thinking deeply, empathize with the other person's perspective, and communicate in a way that considers the other person's feelings.

In the event of encountering unfriendly and negatively influential statements, it is advisable to maintain emotional stability by maintaining a distance, remaining aware, and choosing to wait and see. Secondly, timely communication between the two parties is essential for resolving misunderstandings, providing sincere advice, and exerting a positive influence to salvage the situation. However, change is rarely achieved through others. It is first necessary to recognize the need for change and then consistently advocate for a positive approach to enhance one's perception, understanding, and empathy.

Best wishes for success and continued effort!